viktoriamagrey

[viktoriamagrey]

[viktoriamagrey]

The Star.

[viktoriamagrey]

I understand why some people are upset that he didn't stay with Arthur or do anything, I really do. I am, too. But...

The whole point of this scene is that Dutch is rendered speechless. He's been hiding behind grand gestures, his silver tongue — his big "plans", but he thrives on groups, on luster, and that emotional distance from others doesn't work on a 1-on-1 moment like this. There's nowhere for him to hide from his mistakes. He's looking at a man who gave him his everything and he realizes now that he really has nothing now. There's no noise, no end goal to distract him from looking Arthur in the eyes. Dutch is not actually good with feelings, not in the way someone like Hosea was. He doesn't have that level of emotional sincerity, because I don't think even he knows who he is behind the role he plays (or, well, played). I don't think it's because he doesn't care. Quite the contrary, actually.

Which is why I disagree with some people here on him being cold about it. This is NOT a cold reaction. Look at him. This is a broken man. There's no universe where Dutch has a realization of this magnitude, realizes he messed up THIS badly (even if only for a moment) and does anything about it, because it's just too much. He can't reconcile the man he thought he was, in all his hypocrisy, with Arthur dying in front of him. He doesn't know what to do anymore. He's completely lost.

He's ashamed, and yes, he's a coward, in this scene. He should have put his pride aside to do what was right, but that's just not who he is, because it's precisely his inability to do that that got him into this mess. He runs from the responsibility he has because he can't stand it. The way he steps away is important, too, he looks like he's stumbling around. It's the antithesis of everything he's pretended to be up until this point.

I don't think it's unintentional that his last "sane" action is killing Micah, which happens YEARS after this. I feel terrible for Dutch despite knowing that he partially doomed himself. He's such a fundamentally tragic character. What he did to those around him is horrible and unjustifiable, but in my heart I truly do believe that he suffered greatly for it, and that this is, at least on some important level, definitely not the man he wanted to be.

I remember watching an interview where Ben said he cried right after walking off stage at Arthur's death. I like to think maybe Dutch did too, I don't know how likely it is, but his facial expressions are not that of someone who is glad that a traitor died. Especially the bottom one which is how he looks at Micah just before backing away after Micah said "come on, we can make it." It is face of such disbelief of how Micah can say something like that when Arthur is laying half dead on the ground before his feet. I think maybe he wondered how he felt his heart break and yet Micah felt nothing.

[viktoriamagrey]

MOLD GIRL MOLD GIRL

[viktoriamagrey]

This is something I've wanted to share for a while, but I have some degree of hirsutism. Pretty sure it's hereditary. Might be related to a condition, as I also have irregular periods, but I've always done my best to keep an eye on it.

I try to respect other people's choices, but it's no secret that it shatters me when I see just how brutal it can be for women who have any degree of body hair "not expected" in women.

When I see images of women having laser surgery to permanently remove hair like mine (especially the one on my navel, which is quite dark), I can't help but feel a certain kind of sadness. Even more so, the societal pressure felt that it is inherently unfeminine.

I feel like a beautiful, gorgeous woman. I don't feel unfeminine at all, nor do I find women with any hair pattern unfeminine. Ultimately, we all grow hair, and we all have female and male type hormones. Our specific configuration does not undermine our existence as men or women any more than my unique brain undermines my existence as a human being.

I have always liked body hair, as it reminds me of the fur on other animals (which it is; it's literally just fur, all hair and its derivatives are essentially the same thing) and makes for a pleasant sensory experience, so I cherish it greatly when and where it appears. I wish I had more hair, but I understand that some women are profoundly insecure of being unusually hairy because of all the societal stigma and I feel for that. But as for what unusual growth I have, I feel no shame whatsoever. It's stunning. I adore bearded ladies, ladies with chest hair, etc. Society aside completely, I am envious. I hope that's not disrespectful to say.

[viktoriamagrey]

[viktoriamagrey]

There is! Mine happened immediately after I was seriously contemplating suicide, so... It's just called deciding to live.

Or, living on purpose, as I like to call it. By choice. Ironically, looking back, I think the sense of agency it gave me came FROM the fact that I felt that moment I could end my life whenever I liked. It became something tangible; real. And then came the other realization: If dying's a choice, then every moment I choose NOT to end my life is a choice. Agency, too. Why am I not dead? Because I have chosen not to die. Knowing I could give up any second was part of what made it worthwhile to give it one more shot, because what do I have to lose? Nothin'. I could die, any point, any day, any time. It's not hard. I can do it, if I want to. So, fuck it. Let's give it one more shot.

Well. It worked.

At this point in my life, I don't consider myself to be here because someone put me here. Or because someone made me. I'm not alive because I was born. I'm alive because I have CHOSEN to be. So I can't get mad. I can't say I don't know what I signed up for. I'm almost just a week away from my birthday, more than four years from that day, and I regret nothing. Because I think there's a point in somebody's life where they must choose to live by choice. I don't know when that is. I don't think everyone will do it.

But it can happen. For sure.

[viktoriamagrey]

All my posts are brought to you by the scar I have on my right wrist from accidentally burning myself with a frying pan whilst making an egg once. I love that scar. Proves my lifelong commitment to making eggs dance above the sizzling flames.

[viktoriamagrey]

I love this guy.

[viktoriamagrey]

WHATEVER YOU THINK IS WORTH CELEBRATING IS WORTH CELEBRATING! Enjoy thine existence!

I keep thinking about something a friend said to me a few days ago.

He said that he doesn't believe in celebrating birthdays because he only believes in celebrating real accomplishments, and he doesn't think that anyone is accomplishing anything by staying alive another year.

I could see how that might feel true for him, but that definitely isn't true for me. Every year I stay alive is an accomplishment worthy of celebration.

I think that is probably true for most of you reading this too.

Your existence is worth celebrating.

[viktoriamagrey]

I think so many people forget making the world a better place isn’t just about having all the ‘correct’ sociopolitical opinions and beliefs and knowing all the theory it’s also hugely about actually being a good person in your everyday actions… acts of kindness and empathy, going out of your way to help others, small moments of connection in a cold world, loving thy neighbour all that

[viktoriamagrey]

When even a Fury’s strength may wane

[viktoriamagrey]

And it's so depressing because my generation in particular is always complaining about being mistreated by every previous one, and how much we suffered because of the hand we were dealt (understandable), and then the minute they started becoming adults they just turned around, proceeded to look at the horrific results of these very clear societal and structural issues, and decided to bully these literal children instead of showing their support the way they would've wanted to be supported. Also worth noting that people always seem to forget that kids are not being raised by plants; they're being raised by previous generations, in this case incluiding some older Gen Z, by the way. (:

in like 5-8 years when gen alpha starts really making fun of gen z no one is allowed to complain because like 99% of people do nothing but treat those kids like shit

[viktoriamagrey]

About Me

Contacts/SM

Tumblr (This is where you are)

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Email: viktoriamagrey@gmail.com

Discord: viktoriamagrey

Ko-Fi

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Unused (At present)

ArtFight

Itch.io

What Do I Do?:

Video Editing, Digital Art, Videogame Content Preservation.

[viktoriamagrey]

So sick and tired of the focus on women's ""beauty"". Older women seem to be more focused on looking "young" than they do being healthy. Skincare isn't by itself terrible, but it's often used as a proxy to the same problem and is just as much of an industry. Why is the focus on the "beauty" of my skin? I know more about how to take care of my female body at 20 than many older women do. I know more about my cycle and how my body functions. My skin is not the most important part, especially if it's not getting in my way or hurting me. The focus is always cosmetic. As usual.

It's just depressing to see, because I respect the wisdom of my older women; but I almost find myself (a bit unfairly) wanting to turn them to my side. My teacher (and friend!), one of the most bright and incredible women I know, often complaining in jokes about her weight. So many of my male teachers have been overweight. Not a single one has shown this behavior. My therapist, another brilliant and diligent woman, telling me not to make her feel even older and worrying about her age, just because I asked her how I should address her. This isn't uncommon, it's baseline. I've never met a woman who doesn't mention some form of this when I ask. It's discouraging. There's nothing more flourishing than having people to look up to who are unapologetic about their age, who focus on living healthy and productive lives, and these women are, by all means, so close to that! They're successful, they're brilliant, they're free, and yes, they are perfectly, physically fine! But for some reason, it always needs to come back to their ""looks"", or their age, or some other socially imposed insecurity I've never seen many men blink at to the sheer scope these women do. And I've had so many women in my life like this. My mother, my other therapists... No offense to her, but my sister doesn't even like the *idea* of being called Señora and I think it's telling how much women seem to despise it, while Señor is almost coveted.

This is not normal. This is not fine. And it shouldn't be radicalizing of me, or "feminist", to just want to live a normal life where I can be myself without making a statement, where I'm not afraid of just becoming older and looking it. Where every amazing woman in my life isn't cutting herself down over the stupidest (and I'm sorry for saying that, I know their insecurities have a reason) reasons. So many skilled women I've met, and not a single one hasn't made repeated or offhanded comments about some aspect of her body that's not "attractive."

It's so discouraging, and makes me feel so alone; as if I'm very radical just to expect them to respect themselves on a deeper level. I want older women to be my role models in more manners of self-acceptance too.

[viktoriamagrey]

Who’s to say they didn’t bring Chizuru back to headquarters and hide her in Sannan’s quarters until the chaos died down? 👀

inspired by @kurayami-no-ko’s post because Sannan deserved to see his girl dolled up 💅

[viktoriamagrey]

"Sannan Keisuke's problems are not actually really his arm or the Water of Life, bro just has self-esteem issues and is prone to depression/spends most of the game depressed" is arguably the truest and most accurate piece of unmentioned canonical lore about Hakuouki. Change my mind.