wheredidthefloorgo

[wheredidthefloorgo]

My New Bright Idea for Publishing Music

Something about music that is intimidating to me, specifically the publishing of it, is that the songs I write never feel truly done. It's never polished enough, perfect enough, I always relisten and find... stuff I want to change. Not necessarily flaws, but spaces that could be filled or fine-tuned.

Therefore, my new idea for publishing music is that every month, my newest and/or proudest work will be published on my Soundcloud. Sometimes songs may stay for multiple months, some maybe just one, but the idea is that it's all demos and things I am just doing on my own. Impermanent collections of music I am writing that I WANT to share.

No promotion, other than maybe a mention on my Instagram that my collection has been updated or changed. My idea is that this unformal, unspotlighted platform is what matches my (low) artistic self-esteem right now and with time it may help me to build it up. I mean, it has taken me like 20 years to actually start writing music instead of just DREAMING of writing it. So, baby steps seem to be the way to go for me, and I am learning to be okay with that.

[wheredidthefloorgo]

Don't become so afraid of being annoying that you don't allow yourself to be anything at all.

[wheredidthefloorgo]

And that's when it clicked for me:

I am ready to be seen. It is lonely hiding away. The things I have been nurturing, developing, and protecting in isolation are grown. They are ready and I am too. To venture into the world and open up to all that's in it.

[wheredidthefloorgo]

[wheredidthefloorgo]

On Being "An Artist" and Being "The Best"

This is not fully thought out, just something I am considering. I think in our culture, social media and public presence is what classifies milestones in an artist's life. How many followers/subscribers/fans/listeners etc. is paramount in building your career. While of course this is necessary to earn a living (finding patrons and jobs through exposure), I feel that I have internalized the public performance aspect of being an artist and let it scare me away from creating things.

When I am practicing I constantly have the nagging questions of "could this be marketable?" or "Should I record this?" Yes when i am PRACTICING, the thing supposed to be done in private. It feels like I need to be capitalizing on every moment. Like I need to use every moment of creation to move forward another thing.

This "other thing" feels in itself so disconnected from the actual art I want to make or things I want to express, and I think it is the social aspect.

This blog is helping me to express without the mental block of the "other thing". If I am happy with something I make, I can post it here with no social impact. Similarly if I make something I dislike. It has been helpful to work through the feelings that come with both.

At the bottom of everything, I think artists are people open to exploring the things that suck. Leaning into difficulty is essential to getting better. It is essential to give art is triumph and soul. Being the Best maybe doesnt mean being called the Best by others. It may not even have anything to do with mastering a skill or succeeding tangibly. Being the Best, at least for me in this moment in my life, I think means just trying MY Best in every circumstance, and hoping that a bit of cumulative difference.

[wheredidthefloorgo]

On Playing Covers of Songs I Like

The other day, I was listening to CBC Radio with the person I am currently seeing. A program came on that was Canadian artists covering great Canadian (written) songs. This started a discussion between us about the ethics and musicianship of covers.

In my opinion, I love hearing new takes on songs I love. I love them even if they are not transformative, that to say in the same style and arrangement as the original. Similarly, when I play covers, I don't focus on making the song "my own" but rather appreciating the song just by playing it.

My partner, who is also a musician, had a very strong opposing view. "What is the point of doing a cover if it sounds the same as the original?" I see the argument of ripping off another artist, or maybe being a hack, lacking creativity, being uninspired and objectively "worse" than the original by merit of artisanship.

I suppose I see both perspectives, and think it comes down to the intent of the cover for me. However, the bottom line for me is always that playing music is a good thing. A cover, an original, an improvisation all help us to express through this medium of music.

Anyways, here is a cover of Radiohead I did today that is NOT necessarily transformative, more recreative, but still was meaningful to me.

Oh yeah! And this was taken (video and sound) both on that Canon I thrifted. I will update that saga post soon, but this is proof it works!!!

[wheredidthefloorgo]

Theme [40]: Web Zero by glenthemes

💾 ── preview / code / guide / credits 。

APRIL FOOLS’ 〜 you've fallen through a wormhole into the early 2010s! 👹 “my child is fine” your child is still running their tumblr blog from middle school!

💾 ── theme features ‣

top bar: css striped pattern (diagonal 1, diagonal 2, vertical, or horizontal) ✦ repeating lace pattern (image)

blinkies wall: up to 20 blinkies! auto arranged in a grid! draggable!

posts: 300px–700px ✦ vintage stamp-style borders ✦ optional black-and-white filter ✦ choose between old blockquote captions or modern dashboard captions ✦ legacy & NPF compatible

sidebar: 200px–350px ✦ customizable tape image! optional texture! ✦ stencil-style spray paints on corners ✦ shadow/offset frame ✦ custom title & description ✦ up to 6 custom links

corner image: 100px–400px ✦ choose whichever corner of your screen ✦ options to move it up/down/left/right!

music player: up to 10 songs ✦ inspired by Wikplayer and SCMPlayer ✦ fully functional: play/pause, previous/next, shuffle, interactive bar, toggle view full playlist

💾 ── how to edit this theme ‣

Please read the guide I put together! ᕙ(ಠ∀ಠ)ᕗ

💾 ── terms of use / ask a question / tip jar ☕

[wheredidthefloorgo]

6 things mentally strong people do ˏˋ°•*⁀➷ :

1. they move on. they don’t waste time on feeling sorry for themselves or others. they know that life goes on regardless of what it looks like and have faith in what’s to come.

2. they embrace change. they welcome challenges, knowing that challenges build strength which builds character.

3. they stay happy. they don’t let the misery of others rub off on them, it’s no point in wasting energy on things they can’t control.

4. they are kind, fair and unafraid to speak up for what is right.

5. they are willing to take risks, knowing that risks lead them to new discoveries & experiences.

6. they celebrate other people’s success & they don’t resent that success. you reap what you sow, it’s not healthy to be a hater.

[wheredidthefloorgo]

On the Strange Way Life Changes

This time last year, I was preparing to finish my Graduate Diploma. I was living in Montreal in campus housing. My room resembled a jail cell if I am being honest. I was working full time in my classes and part-time in my practicum work. I was getting ready to move at the end of April, and had just turned down a dream job of being a music therapist at the conservatory in Victoria.

I felt so unhappy and ill-at-ease with the relationship that I was in. I was engaged with the family so excited for the wedding to happen. I was so terrified that I was not living the life I was meant to. I didn't know how to break out of the cycles I knew I was in. So scared to change anything or take any risks. I longed for everything to become comfortable, but did not want to change my uncomfortable circumstances.

I had plans in the next year to get married, finish my Master's, have my thesis written, be living in Manitoba and thriving in a new job.

1 year later I sit now writing this post on a new blog I created in order to express myself more. I am nearing the end of the first year of my Master degree (which I split into two years due to my father dying). I look out the window of my music room/office where I write this to see trees, deer and turkeys outside. A bit of snow and an overcast sky in the small town I am completing my final practicum in. I am nearing the last leg of my work at an elementary school. In my kitchen a man is cooking me breakfast with groceries he just bought for my house this morning. I have a FaceTime call later with my beloved aunt and cousin in Vancouver.

I bought a car a couple months ago and now can visit my mother and brother anytime I wish. I get invited out by friends nearly once a week. I am taking voice lessons and am about to start a new job with the government in May that will pay well and add to my experience.

I think there have been times in my life where, because my vision of what i thought I wanted did not match reality, I counted it up to a failure. However, I am starting to accept there is so much that is out of my control in this life. If I aim instead to do my best, kindest, most well-informed functioning through my circumstances, I can actually learn to enjoy the unpredictability and surprises life ahs in store.

1 year can hold so many surprises. Reflecting on how different this last year turned out versus what I thought it would be makes me scared, a bit sad, but also so incredibly grateful and excited for what is coming next.

Life is so strange and yet so beautiful.

[wheredidthefloorgo]

friendly reminder 🪷

in my control

my actions

the way i respond

my values & goals

my boundaries

my beliefs

my choices

my perspective & mindset

what i take responsibility for

what i focus on

how i spend my time

how i engage

in my influence

my health

my wellness & wellbeing

my connections

relationship dynamics

my reputation

certain aspects of the future

my energy

my environment

my finances

not in my control

the past

my memories

regrets

others feelings

others thoughts

others words

others beliefs

others behaviors & responses

politics

world conflict

aging

illness

loss

the weather

the future

[wheredidthefloorgo]

Each step is a step. Relax and keep going ✨️

[wheredidthefloorgo]

embarrassment has good bones

[wheredidthefloorgo]

I need to be creating I need to be creating I need to be creating I need to be creating I need to be creating I need to be creating I need to be creating I need to be creating I need to be creating I need to be creating I need to be creating I need to be creating I need to be creating I need to be creating I need to be creating I need to be creating I need to be creating I need to be creating I need to be creating I need to be creating I need to be creating I need to be creating I need to be creating I need to be creating I need to be creating I need to be creating I need to be creating I need to be creating I need to be creating I need to be creating I need to be creating I need to be creating I need to be creating I need to be creating I need to be creating I need to be creating I need to be creating

[wheredidthefloorgo]

On Feeling Compelled

I am trying not to question myself in "why" I crave certain creative expression. Like writing this blog I know no one will read. I feel sometimes it is the only way to scratch an itch. To scream into a virtual void.

I think it may come from the increase expectation and limitations it feels that social media has now. Instagram needs to be so polished, Facebook needs to be so personally impressive, TikTok and YouTube needs to have a high level of production value. Of course none of this is fact, just how I feel about them.

It feels a bit like when I was a child sitting alone at recess watching other kids play. That feeling of exclusion or that I am not at the level of everyone else is so shameful. I am aware that the shame stems from the importance I put on others' perceptions, yet still it feels so measurable in the algorithms, views, likes, followers.

We all have things to express, even me. I think for many years I didn't feel this way, because nothing I made or wanted to express fit into the spaces available on social media.

Making this blog, I feel like there is a space now to express myself so freely, and it is so liberating. So I don't need to question "why" to post here. The "why" is inherent: We all have things in us to contribute express. While yes, it feels pointless to post without an audience, I think that is simply because of how social media has shaped our culture in recent years. If I set aside this questioning of contribution or impact, the Inherent Why makes this space satisfying, safe, exciting and important enough to me.

If anything, at the end of the day I will have created this for future me.

[wheredidthefloorgo]

The Mission for a Digital Camera (Part 1)

My average screentime on my phone lately is 7 hours and 58 minutes. That is almost 8 hours on my phone. That is a FULL TIME JOB!

On my journey of improving my life, I want to reduce my time looking at a screen. To do this without sacrificing the ways technology actually DOES contribute positively to my life, I have been trying to breakdown my smartphone into it's most useful components.

One of these components, is the camera. I love to document my life. Not to post on social media (which scares me, hence why I am posting here), but just to have and reflect on. I love scrolling through my photos app and seeing the date-stamps. It helps me to see myself as more of a main character in my life. It is fun to be creative with photography as well.

I crave a space where I can just take photos and videos without distraction and without constantly running out of space. I want a digital camera. This craving arose two weeks ago and sent me on a hunt to find a compact digital camera like the old days.

I checked some box stores, and foudn the camera sections a very sad site. Place like BestBuy only sell a variety of instax minis, a handful of DSLRs and two options of compact DSLR's with price tags near $1k. At stores like Wal-Mart (which I don't prefer to support anyways) there is a wide gap between the $40 cameras made for kids and, again, the extremely high end compact DSLRs. No luck.

I even checked out a pawn shop where the owner laughed at my request stating cameras like that are "a thing of the past". Like film cameras, it seems that the classic digital camera is more of a novelty now. Used by quirky and stylish young adults as an accessory or nostalgia item.

My final attempt at finding a digital camera in the wild was to do a round of the thrift stores in my town. There was no luck with that either. Until.. at a value village, tucked under some fallen photo albums in the office supplies section: a beautiful brand-new Canon Powershot SD1200 IS! For only $5.99! In a cute little bag! I gasped aloud. It did not turn on nor come with a battery, but I was willing to chance it.

Thrilled and amazed, I bought the little camera and took it home. I am a Canon loyalist already, so I had some chargers at home that I tried the battery in. None fit, so the next step was to order a new charger to see if this battery will charge.

Using an Amazon gift card form last Christmas, I ordered a new charger said to be compatible with this NB-6L battery. It is expected to arrive this weekend. I hope it works!

Will update when we find out.

[wheredidthefloorgo]

Qualitatively Tracking Areas of My Life

Date: March 24, 2025

Again, I hope to revisit and answer these in the future to see if my answers differ.

Got it! Here are some life area check-in prompts that focus on objective and subjective shifts over time:

Personal Life

My current living situation is...

I currently live in a small rural town that has a population of around 2000 people. I rent a two-bedroom, main-floor apartment in a building that used to be an abandoned hospital.

My relationship status is... (e.g., single, dating, in a relationship, complicated, etc.)

My current relationship status is complicated and causes me a lot of stress. I am not clear on what I want my relationship status to look like, so I think at any point it will be stressful. I am kind of seeing someone, but am unsure if the situation is good for me or not.

My daily routine looks like...

I currently have one online class on Mondays and work full days at the local school on Thursdays. The rest of my week I tend to sleep in, ease into breakfast and some creative project for the afternoon. In the evenings I often drink alone and watch videos on the internet. While my life is very relaxed and easy, I do not feel good at all about it. I have applied for another contracted job with the government, and hope that having more work will help me create positive momentum.

The biggest challenge in my personal life right now is...

A lack of purpose and lack of connection. I feel isolated and adrift. While I am making strides in strengthening my relationships, I still struggle socially with prioritizing others. My current work and school program does not fulfill me and actually makes me feel quite incompetent at my career path.

The thing I enjoy most about my personal life is...

Living close to family (my mom, brother and grandparents) has been the biggest highlight of this chapter. I love being able to attend family dinners, pop in and have nice little visits. I love my family.

Career & Education

My current job/school situation is...

As I kind of mentioned, I am working at a school as a music therapist. I am getting paid from a grant but the work is also fulfilling clinical hours for my Master's degree. I am also a part-time student with one year left. This June I will hopefully be able to attend my graduation for the program I completed last fall. After next year, I hope to take a break from school in this form.

The way I feel about my work/studies is...

Incredibly burnt out, over-saturated and frustrated. I have have 5 semesters straight of heavy study + practicum combination without more than a few weeks off. I AM SO TIRED.

The biggest change in my career/education this year has been...

Completing my requirements to apply for my CAMT Board Certification exam, finishing my graduate diploma, getting accepted into a Master's program and completing the first year of the Master's program.

Right now, my career/education goals are...

To become accredited as a music therapist and finish my Master degree.

The biggest skill I’ve developed recently is...

Facilitating structured group music therapy sessions with kindergarteners successfully.

Social & Relationships

My closest friendships feel...

Available anytime, but not with ongoing contact. Like always there and always strong but not always present.

The people I spend the most time with are...

The current person I am seeing, my mom and my other family on my mom's side.

The way I feel about my social life is...

I lack community. I am not really contributing to anyone else's lives and do not feel that I have a social support network.

A relationship that has changed a lot this year is...

My relationship with my long distance friends. I have been more on top of initiating phone calls and hanging out virtually.

The biggest lesson I’ve learned about relationships this year is...

I have the power and ability to initiate plans. The gain from interacting with people I love is worth the social anxiety I may feel initially.

Health & Well-Being

My physical health feels...

Currently bad. I am waiting for lab results for many things going on in my body right now. I do not treat my body very well either (smoking, drinking, staying up late, sleeping too much).

My mental and emotional health feels...

Terrible. I truly feel like I am at an all-time low in my mental health, self esteem and vision for the future. It all feels bad and like it will never get better.

A habit that has improved my well-being is...

Working out, specifically at the gym. I aim to go 3-5 times per week and it is a great outlet for me not only to improve my self-image, but to reground in my body, release tension and push myself.

A habit that is holding me back is...

My substance use.

My stress levels feel...

Very low to the point of existential boredom. My anxiety, however, is at an all-time high almost every waking moment, and I think the low stress contributes.

Faith & Spirituality

My spiritual beliefs/practices currently look like...

I am a Christian but have slipped a lot in my faith since my dad died. I do not go to church and read my bible maybe once per month.

My connection to faith/spirituality feels...

I go through these periods of complete disconnection to God and currently feel in one of those spaces.

A belief I’ve questioned or deepened this year is...

Did my dad go to Heaven?

The role of faith/spirituality in my daily life is...

Something I lean on when I am afraid or unsure, but not something that I am giving back to, only taking from.

Creativity & Passion Projects

My creative interests right now are...

Sewing, lino-printing, writing music, playing music (especially trumpet and drums), film photography

The last thing I created that I felt proud of was...

This song that I made last week (the first song I wrote and played a drum part for)

A creative risk I’ve taken recently is...

I have started posting my original music on Soundcloud and here on Tumblr. I also posted an EP on YouTube last month. However, I lost one follower after posting it and it hurt my feelings so bad I took it down, hahaha.

My motivation for creative work feels...

More like a desperation to just MAKE SOMETHING!

[wheredidthefloorgo]

Growing, glowing up 💛