wilde-words

[wilde-words]

bpd culture is getting upset bc you’re actually fully realizing you have to spend the rest of your life with bpd and feeling like this and not being able to fix it when all you want is to get better

.

[wilde-words]

eveeyones got it wrong your mid 20s arent for going to the club or partying or picking up new crafts. your 20s are for discovering how much more autistic you are than you thought you were in high school

[wilde-words]

i just started lamotrigine!! hoping it won’t make me feel as shitty as ability did…

bipolar culture is when you contemplate yeeting your meds away for a bit because your brain feels like sourdough (do not recommend anyone yeet their meds away btw)

srsl though, anyone on Lamotrigine around here? I'm starting to suspect that the mood stabilizers have taken my soul hostage.

.

[wilde-words]

if i am doomed

then gladly i fall

if am damned

to hell i will crawl

a smile in my eyes

for no greater prize

but to finally be warm

for once in my life.

[wilde-words]

adults: wow you’re so mature

me, aged 13: thanks! it’s the trauma

my friends now: wow you’re so childish

me, aged 19: thanks! it’s the trauma

[wilde-words]

my grandma won’t text me back.

my aunt won’t stand up for me in court and my mom won’t call me by my name and my grandma won’t text me back.

golden child to broken child. icarus falling. i was so blinded by the sun i didn’t realize it was the sea i wanted. but now i’m drowning and i’m swallowing salt and i’m wondering if there are still little gilded pools in the cracks of my broken form. i’m hoping there are still parts of me they can love. i’m wishing there was a way they could love it all.

see i shattered on impact. falling at 10 thousand feet turns you to shards of clay. but as my pieces sank they melded back together like they knew all along where they were really supposed to go. and i’m so far under water but streaks of sunlight reach me even down here. filling the cracks. and i see this was me all along, these cracks of light were always me, can they see, can they see?

[wilde-words]

i’m lying in bed wondering why my father left me broken

searching for an answer through a glass screen

[wilde-words]

hey professor sorry i didn’t do the assignment i was too busy lying in bed being crushed by the weight of the world

[wilde-words]

i truly think it’s such a hindrance to the trans community to rely on the “i was born this way” mentality to justify our existence. like. all clownfish are born male but may transition to female if their environment calls for it. it’s instinct; they’re doing it to benefit their community. they weren’t “born that way” in the sense that the transition was inevitable, they were “born that way” in the sense that it was always in their nature if the situation called for it. i’m not an expert on psychology or anthropology or biology or literally anything else but i do think the trans community (and the queer community in general) would be far better off if we viewed our identities through this lens instead of through the lens of bioessentialism

[wilde-words]

i tell you often but i don’t think you get it. i don’t think you believe me. that i’m here to stay. that i’m in love with you. that i want a future with you.

and what you don’t know is that every time i say these things, what i really want to say is: you’re the love of my life. for you i’ll go anywhere. i want to marry you. i want to be buried next to you. i want to raise children with you. i want a home by the sea with you. i don’t care where i am or what i’m doing as long as i’m with you. and how do i say these things without sounding crazy. how do i say them without scaring you away. is it too soon. is it too late. will you ever know. will i ever say.

[wilde-words]

joker, fight club, and catcher in the rye all fit into this niche genre of specific social commentary on mental illness that’s so intensely relatable but the majority of their fans are incels and sociopaths. and as someone who consumes all three as some of my favorite pieces of media because they’re so damn relatable, i cannot help but worry for myself a little bit

[wilde-words]

you ever just forget how much you love someone until you’re talking about them and you find yourself caught up in little memories of their hands or their laugh or their smile and you can’t smother your grin and you’re like wow i’m really in love aren’t i

[wilde-words]

my little sister is writing a wattpad fanfiction so like the good older brother i am i’m withholding my laughter and giving her Writing Tips™️

[wilde-words]

i am afraid to find that none of this is real—

that if the plane gets any higher i will see i have been living in a shoebox diorama in the hands of a vengeful God

who moves me around on a popsicle stick.

[wilde-words]

like an eagle’s nest on a power line, we have made our homes in the sky. they build concrete walls to get rid of us; we use concrete sticks in reply.

[wilde-words]

tried the writing hack of turning off spellcheck and typing in white font and i’ve written 600 words in an hour this is a record for me

[wilde-words]

subculture is so daunting i want to dress a certain way based on my personal values and ideology and that certain way tends to be punk-inspired but obviously punk isn’t a fashion trend so i’m getting into the music but there’s so much and i don’t know where to start and there’s too much to learn and i hate labels but i love punk and i enjoy punk music and i love everything diy and the community is so cool but so scary cause holy shit pls don’t think i’m a poser just bc i haven’t listened to every dead kennedys song yet do you know what i mean.