will1survive

[will1survive]

Abuse will make you believe all the sheep are wolves in disguise. Because you've met the wolf. It wore the skin of the sheep. Until you did something "wrong" and the sheep became the wolf. It bared its teeth, tore at you with its claws. You were just the lamb.

How were you to know?

But now you step back. Older. All the sheep become wolves wearing the masks of sheep. To you, its just a matter of when they reveal themselves to be the wolf. Some never do. Some are just sheep. But their sweet bleating is the same. The bleat that rings in your ears from when the wolf tore in. Their sweet face of innocence and love that reveals nothing. Perhaps that's the only wolf you'll ever meet. Or perhaps the wolf hides in all of us.

How are you to know?

[will1survive]

It may just be me, but i personally am so delighted when people reblog something I've done or said. Like wow, you want that?? To represent part of YOU to the rest of the internet??? Bold. Move.

I feel like a parent whose child just picked out the most strange thing for what they want from the store. Seriously, a spatula? That's what you want??

(Im delighted and couldn't be more grateful; and to anyone who's ever reblogged someone's art - the artist thanks you)

[will1survive]

Is there anything you can share there? He loves wool and socks or something.

Newbon: Yeah. There’s a thing where Astarion always checks his nails when he is trying to just dominate people. He dismisses them with a head turn, usually to the left. He does this to put people in their place, to make them acutely aware that he’s in control.

Actually, one thing I can tell you—the base pose that he has, which is this very upward movement, arms open—that was something that we experimented with. That was actually a combination of myself and Josh Weeden, who’s one of the directors on the game. We came up with that together. They wanted a unique base pose. The footing is different from everybody else’s. But then I added this sort of open arms up and his head up, looking down his nose at everybody.

So the reason that his head stands like this is a psychological thing. He thinks everybody else is beneath him, so he looks down his nose, which is why the head is slightly angular. That is a very particular habitual choice that we made to inform more about the character. Literally, I look down my nose, and that’s why his stance is like that.

I think there are a couple of other characters that have unique base poses, but most have the same base pose. He’s one of the unique ones.

[will1survive]

Idk what this is

I think it's Wounded Achillies??? I dont know, but im sure someone much more learned than me in Greek myth would be able to tell me

[will1survive]

GUESS WHO'S BACKKK :D

My account was accidentally terminated (for over a month), but im back now!!

My advice to anyone who had their account terminated (by accident not because they broke community guidelines) is to be polite and patient. As is true for when you're interacting with all customer service people, because i guarantee you theyre trying what they can to help and being mean or aggressive won't make their help any more effective, and it won't make anything happen quicker.

You're just being a prick.

Don't be a prick.

[will1survive]

Neurodiversity and Thought Organisation

So, I've been thinking about this for a while and its been festering in my mind for years. Let me explain,

Neurodiverse people have to "decode" their internal thought processes before voicing them, especially to neurotypical people.

It's particularly evident with ADHD and the reason why people with ADHD often jump around when they're explaining stuff - because they haven't done the process of organising the thought, deconstructing it and putting it back together in a way that makes "logical" sense to NT people.

Take the example of telling someone an event that recently happened. Some people may sort information based upon what they view is the most important piece of information and communicate that first, and then tell the story in the order of importance. To a NT person, this sounds "strange" because it's not in their preferred format of chronological order.

I suspect its a reason why people with ADHD are told, or believe, that their thoughts make "random" and "illogical" jumps - because their brain organises information differently. This is exasperated by people with AuADHD because we know that Autistic people are typically able to make connections, particularly ones NT people wont think of initially, faster than others. So, if an AuADHD person is telling a story they may give you the most important, but last, thing that happened first and then explain why they think it happened. Because their brain organised the information and then made connections.

But to from a NT perspective, they're saying the last thing that happened, in an unexplained situation, and then telling you WHY it happened because of information they already know - because it was the 2nd thing to happen.

I also believe it could be a reason why ND people struggle with mainstream education (amongst the plethora of issues) - because if they're asked a basic question they may give the solution or answer, or just part of it, before explaining their process.

However, I found it actually helped me a lot in literature classes where we would routinely discuss and dissect texts; because my brain was able to make connections between the context and other texts very quickly. However, I would usually say something and then be met with confusion and the question "Wait, what? How did you get that?" because to them i said something completely left field. It also helped me in that class because we did a lot of discussions about various texts and bits of context, and my brain is very good and bouncing off other people very quickly because its basically doing Crtl + F for my database of that topic.

It also makes conversing, mainly with NT people you don't want to unmask with, EXHAUSTING. Because you have gone through the entire thought process of your one thought, remember ALL the information, sort it into the acceptable order (order type depends on the thought or memory), and then decode that into the NT dictionary - which you also need to learn completely alone and with no help.

And the only reason you'll know or want to do this is because before, when you didn't go through that whole ordeal, you thought was met with mocking, confusion or just misunderstood completely.

I know it may sound like common sense or maybe it makes no sense whatsoever. Or, I sound like I'm stating the most obvious thing in the world, but I needed to record it otherwise it would be lost to the abyss of my head.

[will1survive]

Also! Fun fact! It has happened a few times in the past couple of months where my brain has refused to let me sleep

For like 2 or 3 days straight until I crash in the midday and sleep for a good 15 hours

I am also nocturnal

Which is fun

the problem with narcolepsy

is whenever I want to make a post about how terrible it is and how much it sucks and impacts my life

I am too tired

and can’t think of the right words or format or gifs or whatever I put in regular posts

because

I am so so so so so tired

I can barely hold my phone

or keep my eyes open

because

narcolepsy is the fucking worst :)))

[will1survive]

I would speak to a doctor and say

How tired i am

But alas

I am too tired to do that

the problem with narcolepsy

is whenever I want to make a post about how terrible it is and how much it sucks and impacts my life

I am too tired

and can’t think of the right words or format or gifs or whatever I put in regular posts

because

I am so so so so so tired

I can barely hold my phone

or keep my eyes open

because

narcolepsy is the fucking worst :)))

[will1survive]

Actions meet consequences. You've never met before, it seems, but im sure you'll get on like a house on fire and a box of volatile matches.

As much as Baldur's Gate 3 is vast and has so many different routes to choose from. Can I assume that the one shared experience that we all have is selecting Netherese Orb Blast in battle just to see what it does, only to be shocked that it blows Gale up as promised

[will1survive]

Kingsman & Class

A 300 word draft essay on classism in the Kingsman series. I hope you enjoy :)

I'm aware this is probably for ease for the viewer, but he's dressed a black pinstripe suit that separates him from the white, pale neutrals of the churchgoers. It exemplifies his status and, to some extent, symbolic capital as the figure of death.

The cut and pattern of the suit however is most certainly deliberate and symbolic. There's the theme of classism throughout the films - where Eggsy is told he should want to be upper class - because it's “better” apparently. And he's treated favorably because he isn't seen as like the other lower class people, he's “different”. 

As an example, if you take the scene in the church from a particularly analytical and somewhat marxist perspective, Hart is the upper class "executioner" of the proletariat class. This is supported by the costume choice to put him in a pinstriped suit, traditionally worn by bankers and symbols of wealth, but also the double breasted nature of it which symbolises power. Thus, his distance at times and the act of using a gun as opposed to other methods could be because he has a degree of disgust at lower class people and he wishes them to reinforce the class divide in their final moments.

Furthermore, it’s an idea that’s embedded in capitalism that the working classes are “ugly” and “disgusting” or even parasitic because of a lack of wealth. Kingsman doesnt take to such a degree however, it does want to laugh at, or be disgusted by, the Unwin family and by extension the rest of the “loud” and “disruptive” characters who are characterised by the fact they live on a council estate. 

Thus, when Eggsy is transformed into a Bond like character he is ridded of the “undesirable” aspects of being lower class and effectively “cleansed” by becoming upper class.

Also, one final issue I have with the series and the genre of british sex symbol spy is how it treats women and I think it’s best put in an article (linked below) by Jason Ward - “If the film is a throwback, then it’s a throwback in the worst manner: not a carefree romp, but James Bond shooing away a female masseuse with a smack on the bottom, telling her it’s time for “man talk”. It is an unpleasant, carelessly violent cartoon, in thrall to the establishment and utterly contemptuous of women and the working class.”

Finally, I’ve attached many an intresting read on the classism and representation of Kingsman below

1. Is Kingsman the most conservative comedy this century?

2. The suit maketh man

3. The not-so-secret conservative politics of the Kingsman movies

[will1survive]

I imagine he does this with most people he kills. I mean, he's similar to an angel of death figure because they're typically faceless or shape-shifting in some degree in most art. People who work with spies, specifically those who are trained in disguise and fabricating identities, compare them to shapeshifters. He's grappling for the only form of recognition he can hope for - recognition from the eyes of the people he's about to kill.

It's desperate and hungry because he's clinging to that feeling of power in that moment. It's a scene of catharsis.

Also, it's incredibly calculated and cold - in the 2nd shot, his hands are already wrapped around the man's throat. He could have choked or strangled him, but that's quite slow in comparison to a gunshot to the head.

I, like many on the internet, could go onto a whole rant about how the Kingsman series treats the lower classes but I will refrain here and write a sepeate post about it.

However, I will leave some links to intresting articles on the topic, and leave you with the infomation that the director's previous filmography includes a 2008 party political broadcast for the Conservative party.

Heres one by Meduim

Here's one by The Guardian

Finally, here's how the church scene is described in the articles that mention it:

"One particularly egregious sequence, where the film vilifies Texan red necks in order to justify their imminent, lengthy, leering and cinematic massacring, engages in the kind of ugly classism and lazy characterisation that new-atheism has become knownfor. There are so many troubling political ideas underscoring that sequence in particular, that they could easily warrant an entire essay by themselves." - Oliver Balaam, Meduim

"leering, lengthy scene involving the brutal massacre of dozens of innocent people" - Jason Ward, The Guardian

Honorable mention: "Just try not to think too much,” suggests Time Out." (my whole enjoyment of media stems from thinking too much)

the thing where I said I love when actors play characters who are exact opposite to their true personality - well I was talking about Simon Pegg in Hot Fuzz but really the one I love most is Colin Firth in Kingsman

I mean look

[will1survive]

GALE GALE GALE GALE GALE GALE GALE GALE GALE GALE GALE GALE GALE GALE GALE GALE GALE GALE GA-

Favorite character? Gale. Favorite romance? Gale. Favorite pet ? Gale. Favorite scene? When I meet Gale. Favorite Gale: GALE.

[will1survive]

TW: sexual abuse, child abuse, child sexual abuse, grooming

Also, the man was groomed by a fucking godess - from a young age. That would undoubtedly mess with his development and what he thinks is normal for relationships and intimacy.

Especially because he doesnt appear to know he was groomed or is a victim from his dialogue. The whole thing with the nertherese orb is because he wanted to appease his abuser. Furthermore, he suffered a lot from what we see as cult tactics (you can have a cult with only two people), and Mystra commanded him to worship him like the goddess she is, and commanded utter devotion to the point of self destruction.

It was by no means whatsoever a healthy or equal relationship, and gale is unreliable narrator in that sense because he veiws it completely differently.

Its a common sign that children are being abused sexually when they exhibit sexual behaviours at a young age because how else would they know? It's likely Gale did that as a child but was it was ignored, thus we can also assume he was neglected to a degree because no parent or gaurdian sees the signs that he would have exhibited and willingly ignores the possibility that their child is being hurt like that.

rant over.

TL;DR I feel people ignore the fact Gale was groomed, and the effects it would have on him as an adult because its gone unadressed for so long.

i hate how, especially because of that bug around the release, people perceive gale as super horny and coming onto tav/durge when it’s actually tav/durge who initiates the romance. besides the bugs, the stargazing cutscene is supposed to be with friends if you haven’t romanced gale. to actually start the romance, your character has to initiate it by saying things like “it’s a good night for intimacy” or “imagine kissing gale passionately.” so again, he literally just wanted to show you magic because that’s his life’s passion. he wanted to share his special interest with someone he likes, not necessarily in a romantic way, since you need a certain amount of approval for that. rant over.

[will1survive]

YES!! I love this! I also dont remember much of him in Kingsman but I love it when directors and casting directors (and actors themselves) add so much to a character by using the actors previous portfolio of work! It makes Colin Firth seem much more like a James Bond character because he IS the British stereotypical romantic lead in most of his work.

And! Subverting their previous work is just incredible to see. It adds so much more to the horror; the gore fest that is that scene in the church. Because it's like seeing someone you know to be soft and kind, be brutal, and do heinous things but still holding onto some aspects of their former self. It's the capability we all have to be terrible and corruption of morality. You could go even further and even deeper into film theory and suggest that it's reminiscent of the biblical corruption of humanity as it gained knowledge and self-awareness.

Of course, it should be taken in the context that this is a film, and Colin Firth is just an actor doing his job. However, it's important to also realise that Colin Firth was chosen for a reason and that reason would undoubtedly include his previous work. Thus, it's completely intentional that we see the lovable, slightly awkward romantic in this light.

Also, it's reminiscent of the intimacy of murder that we often see in classical literature and film. There's a reason why stabbing is seen as masculine, but also intimate. Sometimes, people in film and literature will kill someone but hold them close as they're doing it. Here, Colin Firth is emulating a similar image - the use of a gun is traditionally distant and cold as a way to kill, and it's closer to an execution in some ways. But his character is holding and thus maintaining a level of intimacy with the act of murder and death, which is subversion in itself.

I could go on a further, secondary, rant about subversions of expectations and traditional texts in literature, but I will refrain.

the thing where I said I love when actors play characters who are exact opposite to their true personality - well I was talking about Simon Pegg in Hot Fuzz but really the one I love most is Colin Firth in Kingsman

I mean look

[will1survive]

Hi,

i deleted my account on accident and thanks to one of your posts I was able to find my deactivated blog so I can start my new one in relatively the same position as before, because I didnt have too many posts! I know its completely unintentional on your part but you saved me so much stress so thank you!!

Have a nice day :)

Oh my goodness, I’m so happy to be (accidentally) of service lol

It also makes your username especially potent lol welcome back!!

[will1survive]

take 2:

Sometimes, I watch Tim Downie [Marlowe] in Upstart Crow to reset my brain. For reference, he was the complete ANTITHESIS of Gale, and I love it so much.

Look at this man. The delicate hand on the sword... the fit. He's got his hand on his fucking hip! Gale could never and i love him for that.

I love it when actors act

Gale and his moth book have been reunited.

And he NEEDS you to know.

[will1survive]

ive said it before and ill say it again: *in my opinion* Ascended Astarion is just a dom who still praptices consent and safewords and aftercare and all of those fun and necessary things - you just dont see it because its designed by and for adults who have media literacy and understand subtext, thus we dont NEED to see that he's doing everything safely because its implied.

Also, are we forgetting its a video game? None of it is real and its all entirely subjective - everything ive just said is how I choose to interpret the game, narritave and subtext. No veiw or stance on his ascension is better than the other.

Astarion saying "yes, my treasure?" while swinging his arms makes me wanna leap into his arms and give him a smooch

how dare u be so cute