youradvice

[youradvice]

advice blog <3

i’ve always wanted to anonymously talk to a blog where i could share my struggles; whether it be with my crush, friendship issues, studies or life in general!

so if you feel the same way— remember! everything here is anonymous- send an ask!

i promise i will respond with the best advice and genuinely reply to you as if you were my best friend!

[youradvice]

This is a vent. I know I'm never going to meet someone who'd be okay with listening to me vent about my (really bad) depression every night. And, it makes me sad. Because I really need that kind of person in my life.

so sorry for the late reply... i hope you read this and feel better. one day you will find someone who will listen to everything you have to say. take this as a sign, for you to become stronger independently, which in my opinion really helps someone to grow as a person. everything happens for a reason, maybe the people around you in this moment are not deserving of you, so if they listen to you vent they may take advantage of you, etc... try to think of this in a positive way and find an outlet to help control your emotions. depression is really difficult, but focusing on yourself and your mental health is the best thing you can do. i hope one day you find peace. take care and lots of love <3

[youradvice]

Get your life together

Start by organizing your wardrobe. Throw away or donate anything you don't need and wash what's dirty.

Clean your shoes.

Organize those random drawers that seem to have everything useless.

Clean your space very thoroughly.

Polish mirrors and glass.

Clean out bathroom really well.

Go for a walk.

Wash your sheets

Shower

Wear clean pyjamas that you love

Light a candle or incense if you like.

Take a notebook or a paper and write down the goals you want to achieve in the next month, in 3 months and in 6 months.make sure it's organized and pretty so you don't get bored of it.

Write down the traits of the person you want to become.the best version of yourself possible.

Make a vision board of your future self or your future life on Pinterest.

Write a to do list for the next day. Do this everyday. Even when you don't have chores and you just want to have a relaxing day and watch a movie, treat these activities as something that you should do and put a cross it when you're done, it'll make you feel productive.

If you don't know what you want to do with your life yet, surround yourself with people you love and do things that make you happy perhaps that will help you have an epiphany.

Start challenging yourself with things you know you would like. Goals should not always be things that are difficult and you don't like like reading a boring book just because it's gonna make you more sophisticated or losing weight. Set goals that make you happy and more importantly that working towards them is a happy, fun process as well. The things that make us happy should not feel insignificant just because the path to them is somewhat easy.

Vow to yourself that you will do something you've never done before everyday. It can be a small thing, like trying the coffee from a new coffee shop or talking to a stranger or taking a different way home. Anything that makes you feel like you are not imprisoned by your own routine.

[youradvice]

advice blog <3

i’ve always wanted to anonymously talk to a blog where i could share my struggles; whether it be with my crush, friendship issues, studies or life in general!

so if you feel the same way— remember! everything here is anonymous- send an ask!

i promise i will respond with the best advice and genuinely reply to you as if you were my best friend!

[youradvice]

FAQ: How can I improve my self-esteem?

Practise basic self-care.

Sometimes people dismiss self-care as something that doesn’t actually make a difference. But while it might not solve all your problems, it does usually help to treat yourself as though you deserve to be cared for (which you do). Get enough sleep, drink lots of water, eat enough food with enough nutrients in it, get some fresh air and exercise, talk to the people who care about you, make time to relax and do things that you enjoy. It’s easier to learn to like yourself if you’re taking care of your basic needs.

Make a list of evidence.

Get a notebook, or a piece of paper, or a word document, or a notes app on your phone, and every day write down at least one positive thing about yourself. This could be a personality trait (”I’m honest/funny”), or a physical trait (”I have nice hair/eyes”), or something you’re good at (”I’m a fast runner/good listener”), or something you did that day that went well (”I handed in my work on time/I cooked dinner for my family”). When you’re feeling bad about yourself, read through the list and look at the evidence that actually, there are good things about being you. The longer you keep this up, the more evidence you’ll collect.

Practise reframing your thoughts.

If you often find yourself in thinking spirals where one bad thing happens, and so you start to think about everything that has ever gone wrong and everything you’ve ever disliked about yourself, it can help to practise stopping yourself mid-terrible-thought-stream, and rephrase your thought in a more balanced way. For example, “I made a mistake at work, which is proof that I’m bad at my job and a terrible person” might change to “it sucks that I made a mistake, but I will learn from it and do better next time. Making a mistake doesn’t mean I’m bad at what i do, or a bad person”. It might take time to start believing your new, reframed thoughts. But the first step is to stop instantly believing the negative things you say to yourself, and start questioning them.

To practise questioning your thoughts next time you’re thinking negatively about yourself, you could ask yourself questions like these:

What evidence is there that this statement is true? What evidence is there that this statement is false?

If a close friend said this about themselves, how would I respond?

Even if this one negative thing is true, does it mean that I am beyond help/my life is ruined forever/everything else about me is awful?

If Donald Trump said this to me, what would I say to him in response?

Do something positive with your time.

If you’re feeling like a bad person, or useless, do something to counteract that. Send a text to a friend asking how they are. Call your grandparents. Invite someone over for dinner. Leave a nice comment on someone’s social media post. Create your own supportive or motivating social media post. Offer to run an errand for a stressed out family member. Give some money or food to a homeless person. Donate to a food bank. Sign up for some voluntary work. Making someone’s day a little better is something we can all do.

Aim for something realistic.

Guess what? You don’t have to like everything about yourself. Someone with good self-esteem can be aware of their strengths and their flaws - the difference is how much you focus or place importance on those strengths and flaws. It’s okay to dislike something about yourself, as long as you don’t focus on that trait as your main defining trait. It’s okay to think you’re imperfect (because everyone is), as long as you don’t end up thinking “I’m not perfect, so I must be a terrible person”. You don’t have to be the best person that ever lived - how would we even measure that? You still have worth, even with your faults.

Honestly, I find some positivity advice a bit too positive! It’s not usually realistic to go straight from “I hate myself” to “I am a beautiful bad-ass god/dess”. So if you’re currently at “I hate myself”, aim to get to “I don’t hate myself” before you jump to “I love myself”. Improving your self-esteem is still an achievement, even if your new opinion of yourself is less “I’m amazing”, and more “I’m not that bad”. 

[youradvice]

Everyone warns you about red flags in a relationship but I want to hear about green flags

So here’s some. Add your own if you’d like!

* listens to you talk when you have issues and supports you through them

* stops doing things you tell them make you uncomfortable

* compromises when necessary

* never puts you down deliberately, especially not publically

* supports your ambitions

* uses a calm rational tone during arguments

* is able to apologise when they’re in the wrong

* aids your growth process

[youradvice]

“Do you want to talk about it or be distracted from it” is honestly the best thing you can say to me when I say im sad/in pain etc.

[youradvice]

🌸 Sometimes self care isn’t bath bombs and green tea and organizing binders and cleaning your room. Sometimes self care is ugly. It’s crying on your bed with no clothes on and cutting off the toxic people in your life or isolating yourself from the world for 48 hours. You aren’t expected to be happy 24/7 and that’s completely okay, just do what’s best for you in order to be happy 🌸

[youradvice]

Things to ask yourself more often:

- how are you right now? - is anything bothering you? - are you being honest with yourself? - do you want to do this right now? - is this a healthy decision? - do you want to say no? - how could this be better? - are you drinking enough water? - did you remember your meds? - did you remember to eat today? - are you happy?

[youradvice]

Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents

Lindsay C. Gibson

[youradvice]

Building Self-Esteem when you’re Struggling with Depression

1. Get into the habit of challenging your thinking – especially when it falls into the same old repeated, negative patterns.

2. Keep a thankfulness journal – and deliberately look for the good things in your life.

3. Spend time with people who can see your strengths, and who make you feel good about yourself.

4. Keep some photos or mementos that remind you of your passions – so theses can help inspire you to love your life again.

5. Leave positive notes and quotes around your room, or inside your wallet, or on your desk, or phone.

6. See failure as a stepping stone that leads to further growth – and as something that is common, and experienced by us all.

7. Deliberately nurture and care for yourself – and see this as essential, and a top priority.

[youradvice]

i'm in a fairly new relationship & i'm also going through big changes in my life. this has taken a big toll on me & i've been sad, anxious, & crying every now & then & my bf has been nothing but calm & supportive & reassuring me about everything, but i just don't get how he can love me & want to be with me when i've been a mess lately. i've expressed my concerns to him & he had a really mature, loving response. but i still can't get rid of this knot in my stomach & this nagging voice

“in my head that he's just being nice & he doesn't actually love me or want to be with me & he's tired, but too afraid to leave & it sucks. it really hurts me & all i want to do is just accept his love & believe his words, but i just don't know how. & i can't keep expressing this same concern over & over to him bc eventually, he will get tired of it. i don't know what to do and how to stop these negative thoughts/disbelief.”

//

Hi! I’m sorry for the late reply. I hope you’re feeling better since you last wrote this ask... and if not, let me try to help you!

First of all, let me start with how you’re feeling. I promise you, i promise x1000 that these feelings won’t last as time goes on. Right now, you must be hurting for reasons, but its very healthy to express your emotions and then once you’ve done that, think about how you want your life to improve and make it happen. It may take a while, but trust me, it will get a lot easier for you as long as you don’t lose control of yourself. Make sure you stay grounded, I know its really really hard to, especially when all you feel is sad and anxious, but keep trying.

It sounds like your boyfriend really cares about you. Trust him. If he is being calm, supporting and reassuring, he does care about you and he thinks your worthwhile. I know it can be hard to believe that because your head is probably filled with negative thoughts and thats why you can’t get that nagging voice out of your head. But just think, if the roles were reversed and you gave your boyfriend a mature and loving response, wouldn’t you hope that he would trust you with all his heart after that?

The reason you may be feeling like you can’t accept and believe his words may be due a lack of self esteem. Your boyfriend is with you for a reason. He wants to be with you and he wants to love you. If he gets tired then he should take it upon himself to let you know, but when you’re truly in love you want to help your partner no matter what, even if that seems hard to believe. You may feel like constantly asking him for your own reassurance, and i completely understand because i’ve done the same, but please don’t let it ruin your mind, please trust his words and feel better when he helps you, i promise you if you try every single day to trust and believe his words you will feel much happier :)

In the end, i believe this is an issue which will be dealt with overtime. You have free will over your mind and body. You WILL be able to feel happier. You WILL one day have trust in your boyfriend words and you’ll see how much he unconditionally loves you like every partner should.

I hope i’ve helped you, even if it is in the slightest bit :) goodluck <3

If you need help/advice or want to be listened to, send me an anonymous ask!

[youradvice]

hi there. i recently got a job offer, the pay and benefits are great, the people i met during my interview were great, the only con is the commute. i realistically cant move closer to my job until my current lease is up in a year so instead of driving, i plan to take the bus which is 2 hours each way. i think it's doable bc i can just sleep LOL and i want to give this a chance, but i'm afraid bc i've never used a bus system before

Hi! sorry for the late reply… i think thats great! Everything sounds really positive and beneficial for you. I completely understand your negative view about commuting, i commuted for 5 years, however the commute was only an hour away and it was a lot easier and felt shorter when I had friends with me. 

Don’t give up on this opportunity! A year will fly by trust me, and then you’ll be able to move closer! Think of how much happier and grateful you’ll be when you’re able to just roll out of bed and into work after a whole year of commuting!

Bus systems are very easy to use! Don’t hesitate to ask for help. Once you know which station you’re supposed to get on and off at you’ll have no problem and it’ll become so routine to the point that you know the exact timings of when the bus arrives! I wish you good luck and remain calm and positive always :)

[youradvice]

i’m back!

after a long exhausting period of my life, im back better than ever :)

i found out alevels were cancelled and with the whole coronavirus situation this is the best time for me to restart this blog 

so if you have any worries and need to let something off your chest, or if you need advice, send an anonymous ask and i’ll listen to you! 

[youradvice]

my parents always taught me to marry for more than love. they hated my last boyfriend because he came from a broken home. every time i mentioned him, they asked me why he wasn’t going to college and i was. why i was going to be making 80k a year and he was barely making 30. he never was good with money and he couldn’t keep a job. my parents asked me why we never went on dates, why i spent so much time at his house. i didn’t know how to tell them that i wasn’t with him for the material stuff. they asked me why my high school guidance counselor told them that he had terrible parents. why even though his parents had no money, his mom didn’t work. why his sisters were always totaling their cars. why his brother was in and out of jail. they asked me if i really wanted to be with someone who had a brother who would steal out of my purse when i slept over. i didn’t know what to say. is it just to judge somebody for their family? for how they were raised? just because they weren’t as privileged as i was? all i knew was that i wasn’t leaving. no matter what. but when love crumbled around my feet, hell, i wish i picked him for more than just love. i wish i picked somebody who knew how to stay, who was built on values that when things get hard, you don’t just run away. and i guess my parents were right: you have to pick someone who advances your life. someone who has parents who taught them good values like how to be loyal, how to be good with money; you have to pick someone with a good job not because of the good job, but because they know how to stick with something and keep advancing within a company. you have to pick someone who is going to school because you need somebody who values you enough to put themselves through something hard just to take care of you. and yeah, college isn’t for everybody, but picking someone who can’t even hold a job is picking someone who views it as less of work and more of a hobby. you have to pick someone who has a family you love because you’re going to be spending a lot of time with them. and it sucks but it’s true, my parents were right: love is not enough. unfortunately, i learned that the hard way when i let somebody walk all over me just because. but i look at my parents: they’ve been married for 30 years now. they were raised with values that when you choose somebody, you don’t give up. and i mean yeah, that’s great and stuff. it’s great that they’d never even think of being with anybody else. it’s great that they’ve never had to worry about money because my dad is amazing at saving. it’s great that they ended up with two good kids who graduated college and would never end up being the stealing, cheating, drug-addicts that my ex’s family created. i have great parents, but my parents… they’re not in love. they fight every chance they get. like my mom asked me to come to their 30th anniversary dinner so she didn’t have to be alone with my dad. like i think they married each other for more than love and sometimes i want to ask them: don’t you ever feel like this isn’t enough? so i spend so much time trying to choose between the two extremes: like on one hand, love’s a risk and i couldn’t imagine going through a divorce because my relationship was build on a feeling instead of a choice, but god, with playing it safe, there is no passion and i know that’ll kill me. and i know now that finding somebody you want to spend the rest of your life with should be a happy medium– it’s picking somebody who makes your heart race but someone who can take care of you. it’s finding someone you love but also someone you admire. someone you love but also someone who has good traits. but i’ve never experienced a love that didn’t either fall apart or stay together and break and i’m starting to think my only two options are to pick someone i love or someone who is good for me.

[youradvice]

If you find yourself stuck in negative thoughts, about external things, people, or about yourself, just remember that you have days where you don’t feel like this.

You are capable of feeling happy, about life, about people, about yourself. You may just be tired, hungry, dehydrated. You may just be (sub or consciously) thinking about the bad things that happened in your life. Whatever you are going through, just know, you are good, and this is your time to show you are. You are not the bad things that happened to you. You are not your negative thoughts. You are you, and you are good.