#Legal Humor

[rebuiltzine]

BREAKING: Desperate Journalist Hires Clown Puppet as Legal Counsel in Maryland Family CourtBy The Habeas Circus News Desk

ROCKVILLE, MD — In a bold legal maneuver that stunned bailiffs, confused judges, and delighted bored spectators, local journalist and full-time legal punching bag Mike Phillips arrived at Maryland family court this week with a new attorney: a clown puppet named “Mr. Wiggles.” The ventriloquist doll—dressed in a polka-dot bowtie, rainbow suspenders, and an unsettling grin—was introduced to the…

[funnyfiasco]

Seeking justice for all pups.

[lgbtqtext]

Requested by vandalizingyourschool

[couldhavebeenus]

crowley is braver than any us marine for being interrupted during a love confession, taking aziraphale’s devastating news about heaven, and STILL following through with it anyways

[dizquized]

just gonna...

drop this here,,

[dovesndecay]

Okay folks, the last one lost traction and it's April now anyway. So yeah, it's time for my newest, updated plea for help. (I'm not happy about it any more than you are, I promise.)

the spiel:

Hi, I'm a disabled qpoc and I have too many damn bills for how little work I can do, and how little money that brings in.

My attempts to be a professional adult are my print store and patreon.

all the necessities and accessories i can't afford no matter how much i stare at them are over here

the household wishlist includes some groceries, accessibility items, and a myriad of other products we haven't been able to acquire.

now. the bills. my eternal nemesis. and i don't mean that in a sexy-sort-of-pin-me-to-the-wall-way but in the "i wish i could hunt certain political positions for sport" kind of way but, alas, here we are.

I'm $280 short on paying the last of March's bills, and April's bills have come out to a whopping $1K.

(we are sharing a commiserating look, right now, you and I. Yes, you understand why I desire a hunting license. We are nodding our heads together in quiet resignation.)

In all honesty, I haven't been doing well. (I doubt anyone noticed; I'm very stoic and closed off from other people, you see) so if you can, and only if you can, any & all help is amazing:

Venmo: dovesndecay

Cashapp: $dovesndecay

Paypal: LINK

[madame-helen]

For all those accusing Argentina of racism:

[monzterzack]

fellas, i dont know how to say this, but we will need more assasinations to fix this one up

[alwaysbewoke]

[freespeechtroll]

Apparently I’m now annoying enough that people are restacking my tantrums on Substack.

Appreciate the reckless support.

Tomorrow night (Sunday U.S. time), I’m dropping a new post at freespeechtroll.com:

Cross-burning and free speech

Brandenburg v. Ohio, brunch edition

Why yelling stupid shit isn’t (always) illegal

If you like your constitutional law profane, confusing, and slightly drunk, stay tuned.

New post lands tomorrow. Same troll energy. Slightly more diagrams.

– Veritas Dickworth Professional legal disappointment

[internetgreatesthits]

[lgbtqtext]

Requested by wingedglitterwitch

[darealsaltysam]

TOMMY 😭😭😭

[reg0regitated]

what do you mean I sent katie marovitch three whole dollars because I was watching the Second Place game changer episode (the one where her venmo is featured) and she not only saw it but REPLIED???

[shefightsforall]

Elon Musk: Legalize comedy!! *Runs around with a chainsaw, joking about cutting people's jobs*

Also Elon Musk: *Near tears* Tim Walz is a huge jerk because he made a joke about my tesla stocks!

[mymangamemes]

Me unveiling my ironclad defense in court

From No Mercy From the Reborn Lady by DAON WEBTOON STUDIO, MOGU, and Nan