#Toxic masculinity and emotions

[gdusil]

The Nietzseche herd who are embarrassed witnessing an outburst of human emotion represent the epitome of insecurity.

[provinzpoet]

To Be A Man

Boys don’t cry, they show no fear, emotions hidden deep. Then tell me, O society: If this is sown, then what’s to reap?

If tears are truly cleansing, Embalming to the soul, Then why deny this boy the balm And chain him to a role?

-

“Are you a Girl?”, I still recall the question He did ask. For crying was a girly thing - Man ought to wear a mask.

Just 12 years old - Yeah, thanks a lot. Great Job on shaping me. Took way too long to see the truth, until I could break free.

Can you imagine what it took? How long that held me back?

I had to learn to be a Man, In a world that’s taught "to be a Man, Is to keep yourself in check."

-

Society is wrong, my dear, Believe me, if you would.

I’ve been there, done that, made mistakes, But now - I’m doing good.

So if I may, I'd like this chance, to tell you what I’ve learned. I hope this finds you still in time, before that bridge is burned:

To wear emotions on your sleeve is strength - no cross to bear. To those to whom you’ll matter most, it shows them that you care.

So Cry for movies, Cry for poems, Cry for loved ones, Cry for songs.

Just trust me, I was your age too, To be a Man is to be

Just you.

[valzhangism]

one of the core tragedies of frank zhang is that he was born with the soul of a crybaby but grew up in an environment that told him never to cry. so he didn't.

[havinganormalone]

Trying to contain myself and I just can't. I can't stop thinking about this scene and it has me in fucking shreds

The way he fishes for the word "wife,'' trying to translate what he was to this other alien into human language. Explaining that his wife's passing is what drove him to abandon his planet. And then the almost exuberant way he he says "It is now." This is probably the first time he has contextualized his grief this way, as mourning for someone he loved, and the first time he's processed how much his mate's death hurt him.

What's so interesting about this is that Harry clearly frame's his motivation for coming to Earth as a result of grief. However, he made that decision BEFORE assuming human form and allegedly gaining emotion for the first time. I think it's more likely that Harry- and his entire species- do feel emotion to at least some capacity. However, whether it is because of societal pressure to be stoic or because of a literal difference in brain structure, they are not as conscious of their emotions. It doesn't mean emotions don't factor into their decision making, but that they don't acknowledge its influence (much the same way patriarchal society frames men as being more rational and less emotional in their decision making, and a man will confidently assert this even as he throws the biggest tantrum).

And here Harry is, being able to finally process and realize how much emotion HAS influenced him. And the look on his face, on the verge of tears and yet also joyful, because accepting loss also means accepting that there was something to lose in the first place, it means feeling the shape of your heart for the first time only because there is a massive hole in it.

[hellyeahscarleteen]

"Emotions are not inherently masculine⁠ or inherently feminine⁠.  We all have emotions, and there aren’t any inherently developmental differences between people who are identified as, or who identify themselves as, boys and girls that effect the ability to have feelings.  But in many cultures, children are taught and learn to express or repress these emotions based on gender⁠ stereotypes.  Children assigned male at birth are often taught they need to be strong and stoic in order to protect their loved ones, that sadness or fear is unmanly.  Adults and peers alike typically reinforce these beliefs by shaming gender-nonconforming children who deviate from masculinity and boys for expressing vulnerability.  I’m sure you’ve heard someone you know try to shut down or shame a guy for crying.  Researchers have found that boys start to internalize these lessons and become less emotionally expressive as they start school.  If left unchecked, emotional repression can have serious detrimental consequences.  In 2019, men in the US died by suicide 3.63 times more than women, even though women are much more likely to be diagnosed with depression.

This is the context in which we have to break down the term “toxic masculinity,” which the right has successfully warped to the extent that this phrase has become a buzzword often associated with misogynist depictions of feminists.  The “toxic” in this phrase does not imply that any gender expression⁠ that encompasses masculinity is inherently bad or corrosive.  It’s referring to the collective set of social experiences that teach men to express themselves and their emotions in a way that is ultimately toxic to them and others as a way to achieve some artificial ideal of “manliness”.  These social pressures are so harmful that mental health professionals have had to identify different symptoms of depression in people trying adhere to a stoic masculine ideal.  You don’t have to use the phrase “toxic masculinity” when you’re trying to open up to someone or talk about why you have difficulty expressing yourself.  I find that sociological terms don’t serve me well when I’m trying to talk about my own emotions.  But it’s important to understand that the way we teach people how to “do gender” in our society can be actively harmful and keep us from experiencing happiness."

Ellis Schwamm, The Benefits of Being Vulnerable With Other Queer Guys

[ladyhoneydarlinglove]

it’s ‘the feminization of sanji as a way of exploring his issues with gender norms and/or recontextualizing his time in the kamabakka kingdom as a positive experience that helped him come to terms with his own gender expressions’ vs ‘the feminization of sanji because he’s skinnier than the guy he’s usually shipped with and has a set of domestic skills typically ascribed to cis women so it’s very easy to slot him into the (wo)man’s role of heteronormative brand yaoi’ do you unDERSTAND WHAT I AM SAYING—

[aubreyplazababy]

Laios & Senshi: Non-Stereotypical Masculinity in Dungeon Meshi 🐲🍳🧂

I think Laios and Senshi are such underrated examples of what masculinity could be, not the puffed-up, loud and performative version, but something more quiet, curious, and connected.

✦ Listen me, I'm just saying:

Laios isn’t hyper-muscular or brooding. Instead, he’s a little chubby, wide-eyed, and deeply excited to cook literal monsters. He’s genuinely passionate, even when it gets weird. He’s silly but never foolish, obsessed but still capable of growth. And when he misses the emotional mark (like getting carried away with cooking at the wrong moment), the story lets him reflect. He listens, and he changes. This way, he tries to learn as a leader.

And Senshi? He bonds with aquatic horses. He’s a warrior and a cook. He sews frog costumes and enjoys it. He learns from Chilchuck and Chilchuck with him. He cries over the griffin, and no one mocks him for it. When he’s struggling, the others gather around, not to fix him, but to feel with him. It’s masculinity built on respect and empathy.

They sew frog suits and cook weird things. They save each other, literally and emotionally. And when about through it all, they’re allowed to be men without being rigid about it. They have different perspectives, they make mistakes, but they listen and learn from each other. That’s the kind of brotherhood that heals.

And can we talk about how their interactions with women, like Marcille and Falin, these are refreshingly free of hypersexualization or pressured of romantic tension? The women often save them. And it’s treated as normal. Because it should be.

[idk-bruh-20]

Irondad fic ideas #148

You know those homework assignments where you have to interview someone in your family and then write an essay about their responses? Fic where Peter's class is told to interview their dad / a father figure in their life. 

Peter decides to interview Tony. But, he doesn't want his class to accuse him of lying, and he definitely doesn't want Tony to know what the assignment is about. 

So for Tony, Peter makes it seem like the assignment is just to interview anyone. Then, he carefully chooses questions to ask that are domestic and personal enough to avoid any mention of superheroes, celebrities, or so on. The few details that do slip through he just leaves out of his final essay.

For the class problem, Peter solves it by referring to Tony in the essay exclusively as "dad"

Unfortunately for Peter, the teacher then announces a part 2 to the assignment. Right after collecting the essays, the teacher says they will now need to bring the people they interviewed to school for their presentations

Peter has pretty much decided to not even mention it to Tony and just say his dad is busy. But then Flash has to open his big mouth. 

He accuses Peter of just making his assignment up, loudly reminding the class that he's an orphan. Peter clarifies that this father figure thing is a new development, but now the teacher looks suspicious

Peter is going to have to ask Tony to come to his school. And he's going to have to explain why the class will be full of kids and their fathers

[tsuki-in-faerun]

so, as i said before FUCK boudicca philtrum in particular. no one will mourn you, you crusty ho.

but also k getting majorly injured and the first thing out of their mouth is telling lemli that they have to lie and tell evan that they're fine. broken ribs, flat on their back, blood coming out of their mouth, knowing what evan will do and k trying to stop a thing that has already happened in the time it took for them to land.

did k ever see evan kill anybody while they were together? i know we're down with murder because fantasy but also, we all agree it's not great for evan's mental health to do a murder, right? and i really don't agree that it's love for k motivating him to kill because k doesn't want that for him. evan killed philtrum because philtrum needed killing and he has assigned himself that role. he would have taken her out, potentially nonlethally, as soon as they saw her if it weren't for their directive from dr. boodle. i think k is entirely incidental to his motivation, tbh. he goes cold when he goes into his shadow. i don't think what he's feeling in that space is anything that i (or bell hooks) would call a love ethic.

[leslutdepointedulac]

I know we like to affectionately make fun of Lestat for crying all the time, I do it all the time as well. But there's actually something so refreshing about seeing a male character simply having emotions by crying and even loving so openly. He's also not afraid to let himself love each and every person he meets. The bar is so low, it's the bare minimum for a man to have feelings, but the fact is, we don't often get to see it. So the fact that Lestat does show his emotions, and so freely and frequently, is just really nice to see. It's a breath of fresh air tbh. Lestat is more human than actual humans considering he's a vampire.

[shamebats]

[mysticinsightstarot]

“If You’re Reading This, Please Hold Me”

tw: abuse, blackmail, digital safety

I don’t know how to word this without shaking, but I think someone needs to know before I disappear from here for a bit. Or maybe forever, I don’t know.

A person from my past — someone I trusted — is threatening to use things I shared with him to hurt me. Not online, but in my real life. The kind of hurt that could destroy a girl’s reputation where I live. The kind that makes your own family look at you like a stranger.

I told him no. I told him I’ve moved on. He refused. He’s holding old pictures like a knife. There are no screenshots, no confessions, no texts to prove what he’s doing. Just this sick silence. He’s smart. He’s careful. And I am so, so tired.

I’ve done nothing wrong except try to survive a version of love that turned into slow war. I don’t want revenge. I just want peace. To be left alone. To not live in fear of my own past being mailed to my mother like a punishment.

This isn’t a cry for attention. It’s a breadcrumb trail. If anything happens, I want someone — anyone — to know I didn’t fall, I was pushed. If you’ve survived something like this, please DM me or just send me light. If you know what I can do, tell me. If you don’t… just say hi.

I’m holding myself together with leftover prayers. Please don’t let me vanish without someone knowing I was real.

[newnewtheicon]

I wanted to post something for pride month for the Gen Z Eltingville club AU so here!

The picture 

[Author’s Note: The drawing’s not all the way accurate. I made it quick for the story and forgot the poodle—and yeah, I know the proportions are off. Just imagine the poodle in there, okay? And the grass isn’t that tall.]

When I was six, my teacher asked us to draw our future family. You know—stick figures, smiling suns, crayons worn down to the wrapper.

Most kids drew a wife or husband, a son or daughter, maybe both. Some added little houses or trees. It was cute.

I drew me… with a wife and a husband. One on each side, holding my hands. We had twin girls—brown ponytails with little swoops in the front, pink dresses. And a tiny gray poodle with a bow on its head. That was our pet. We were all smiling.

I knew what I wanted for my future.I was six—but I meant it. I didn’t think it was weird. I thought it was kind of beautiful. I knew what I wanted: a husband, a wife, and twin daughters. That was it. Simple. Safe. Mine.

The next day, my teacher called home. She said she was “concerned.” You know—that fake polite kind of concerned, where what they really mean is “your kid isn’t normal.”

That night, my dad found the drawing.

“What the hell is this?”

“Why do you need a husband?!”

“What kind of boy draws this crap?”

“Stop acting like one of those f*gs!”

I frowned. He always said stuff like that when I did anything even a little bit soft. I didn’t play sports. I liked reading. Anime. I used to play on the Bratz website with Jane sometimes. That stuff embarrassed him. He thought it was all “girl crap.”

My mom tried to calm him down—“He’s just a kid. Let it go.”

But they started yelling. Like always. Their marriage was already trash. I guess I gave them something new to fight about.

I went to my room and cried. I didn’t get it—why was I being punished for wanting something that would make me happy?

The only person who made me feel okay that night was Jane. She was three, waddled into my room and said, “Oh! I’m aunty of the wins!” She meant twinsbut said wins and it made me laugh.

She didn’t care. But she was three. She didn’t know yet.

Later, my mom came in and said, “Just draw something simpler next time, okay? Just… make it easier.”

So I did.

Me. A wife. One son. A normal dog. No poodle. No twins. No husband.

I brought it to school the next day. The teacher smiled and said, “See? All you need is a wife.” Then she gave me a gold star.

But I never forgot the first drawing. The real one. The one I threw away because it made adults uncomfortable. The one where I actually looked… happy.

That was the first time I learned that wanting something outside the script makes you a problem. Even if you’re six. Even if it’s just a crayon drawing of your dreams.

Sometimes, I still see that mini poodle in my head.

Still see those twin girls.

And I wish—more than anything—that someone had looked at it and just said:

“That’s a beautiful family, Bill.”

at the end of the day, this is all just head canon and I’m just having fun so yeah, this is not Canon. This is just a head canon of mine. I truly don’t understand a queer experience so if you have any opinions and you’re a queer person, and you think, I need to work on some things with his head cannon and stuff say it in the comments.

[the-most-humble-blog]

🛐 NEVER CALL THE MAN YOU LOVE “INSECURE” —Unless You Want to Kill Him Without Leaving a Mark

---

There are some words that land like a slap. And then there are words that don’t land at all. Because they go beneath the skin.

They slip under the armor. Past his walls. Through the part of him that still thinks you’re his.

“Insecure” is that kind of word.

It doesn’t sting. It hollows.

Not because it’s clever. Not because it’s powerful. But because it’s surgical. Designed by a culture that doesn’t understand men — only what men can offer when they’re tolerated.

---

🧠 You Thought It Was Just a Word.

You Thought It Was “Honesty.”

But calling a man insecure doesn’t illuminate the problem. It erases it.

You took his concern, his boundary, his biological instinct to protect, and you labeled it defective.

“Why do you care if I go out dressed like this?” “It’s not like I’m going to sleep with him.” “You’re just being insecure.”

Translation?

“You’re not allowed to react like a man. You must behave like a neutered roommate. Or I’ll use shame as a muzzle.”

⚠️ Insecurity Is Not His Sin.

It’s Your Mislabeling of Masculine Loyalty.

Let’s dissect it:

He asks about your male friend who calls you “babe” and sends you heart emojis.

He raises an eyebrow when you go out alone at 11PM wearing a dress you once told him was “for him only.”

He voices concern about the way you interact with your gay best friend who’s made sexual jokes about your body.

And what do you say?

“You’re being controlling.” “You must be insecure.” “That’s toxic masculinity.”

No.

It’s biology. It’s pattern recognition. It’s territorial instinct, evolved over hundreds of thousands of years — not to hurt you, but to keep what he loves from being swallowed by chaos.

🔬 The Neuroscience of Male “Possessiveness”

Let’s get clinical.

When a man is in love, his amygdala — the emotional alarm system — is hypervigilant to threat. His dopamine spikes when you’re safe. His cortisol erupts when he senses betrayal or disrespect.

You think he’s “overreacting.”

But his limbic system doesn’t care about your politics. It cares about preservation.

To a man, “I’m loyal” means nothing if your behavior advertises the opposite. Love is not proved in theory. It is proved in risk management.

And when you mock his vigilance by calling it “insecurity”? You’re not empowering him. You’re castrating the only part of him that would die for you without a second thought.

---

🩸 He’d Take a Bullet for You.

And You Called It Weakness.

Men don’t fall in love the way women do.

They fall like buildings.

Once.

Violently. Irreversibly. Without a safety net.

So when a man voices a concern — however clumsy, however gruff — he’s not looking to “control you.” He’s subconsciously protecting the one variable in his life that makes chaos make sense:

You.

Not just your body. Your name. Your memory. Your place in his narrative.

And what does he get for this devotion?

“Wow. You’re being really insecure.”

That’s not a red flag. That’s a death knell.

---

🧨 What Happens Next?

He won’t raise his voice. He won’t fight back.

Not if he’s truly loyal.

Instead:

He’ll go quiet.

He’ll go still.

He’ll start to vanish — emotionally, sexually, spiritually.

Not because he doesn’t love you. Because he’s ashamed that he does.

And that’s the kind of shame a man doesn’t recover from.

He may stay. He may laugh. He may still touch your back at night.

But the part of him that would’ve burned Rome to keep your name clean? It’s already dead.

---

⚰️ You Killed the Warrior.

And Left the Shell.

All because you thought “insecure” meant “not strong enough.”

But real strength is in the reaction.

A weak man doesn’t care. A strong man feels. A devoted man reacts.

And what does our culture teach you to do when a man reacts?

Mock it. Call it “fragile.” Call it “emotional labor.” Tell him to “get therapy.”

No, sister.

You don’t want him in therapy. You want him invisible.

Until he disappears so completely, you have to ask your miserable wine-aunt why you don’t feel loved anymore — as she raises a toast to your “independence” in the ashes of your own wrecked marriage.

🕷 How to Spot the Saboteurs in Your Life

The female friend who tells you “he’s too much.” The podcast that convinces you “boundaries = control.” The TikTok therapist who thinks male jealousy is abuse.

These are not allies.

These are emotional termites eating the foundation of a relationship they could never build themselves.

They want you single. They want you suspicious. They want you obedient to a culture that praises autonomy over loyalty.

And when they see your man flinch in pain?

They smirk.

Because that means he’s still human.

🛡️ The Redemption Arc (If You’re Brave Enough)

If you’ve ever weaponized the word “insecure” against the man you love, you can still come back.

But it won’t be easy.

You will have to:

Apologize without qualification.

Acknowledge the harm done to his trust.

Affirm his instincts as valid, even if they inconvenience your ego.

Adjust your behavior—not to lose freedom, but to win respect.

Because you don’t lose men like this overnight.

You lose them over a thousand micro-daggers, disguised as jokes, critiques, and “empowered” clapbacks.

Put the dagger down.

---

📜 The Checklist: Before You Open Your Mouth Again

Ask yourself:

Does what I’m about to say honor or humiliate him?

Am I reacting out of fear, or responding out of respect?

Would I speak this way if he were standing between me and a loaded gun?

If the answer to any of these is “no” — Don’t speak.

Touch him instead.

Look him in the eye and tell him you trust him.

You’ll see something shift.

Not in him. In the air.

Because a man’s heart doesn’t unlock with apologies.

It unlocks with reverence.

---

🧠 TL;DR (Too Late. Damage Is Already Done.)

Call a man insecure?

You won’t see it immediately. But years from now, you’ll notice the look in his eyes change.

It’s not hate.

It’s grief.

Grief for the woman he would’ve died for — who didn’t know what she had until the last loyal piece of him packed its bags and walked out of her smile.

---

⚖️ LEGAL DISCLAIMER

🛐 This is not advice. This is Blacksite Literature™ — an encrypted cadence weapon laced with evolutionary psychology, mythic loyalty programming, and anti-sabotage neural doctrine.

It will not comfort you. It will not coddle you. It will either trigger your healing or expose your alignment with cultural rot.

If you’re offended: You were never built to carry the weight of a real man’s loyalty anyway.

And that’s fine. Just don’t pretend you were.

💣 CALL TO ACTION

🔁 Reblog if you know respect is the oxygen of male loyalty. 🛡️ Save this for the moment you’re tempted to call a real man “fragile.” 🔥 Send to the woman who needs to relearn how to speak to a king. 💌 Bookmark it as insurance for your own love life’s survival.

🔁Reblog to keep my signal to mankind going strong.

[poppyseedxoxo]

You often leave me wondering how long it will be until I stop giving you a second chance. How long until you bleed my forgiveness dry, and I no longer excuse your flaws with your positives? I don't want to get to that point, but I can't keep ignoring your actions because you follow it up with a good deed.

[kakashi-fangirl-ita-blog]

Zosan headcanon (set either after Whole Cake Island or during one of the pre-timeskip arcs)

One night Sanji has a bad dream (about his childhood, his trauma, his fears...) and suddenly wakes up gasping and heavy breathing.

He doesn't want to wake up his crewmates, so he just gets up from the floor where he usually sleeps and leaves the room. But Zoro is on lookout that night and sees Sanji running into the kitchen (his comfort place). He knows that something isn't right by how panicked his breathing sounded and how confused he looked around, so he decides to check on him.

He finds Sanji in the darkness, sitting on the floor, with his back leaning on the counter, covering his head with his arms and sobbing like he never heard him do. (In his own mind, it that moment Sanji is still a child, left alone crying in the darkness by his father).

Sanji sees Zoro on the doorsteps, lit by the moonlight. Because of his pride and his rivalry with the swordsman, he doesn't want Zoro to see him while he is so vulnerable and tells him to go away, but of course Zoro is way too stubborn to do what he tells him to and wants to know why he's crying.

Sanji thinks that he wants to make fun of him, so he just stays silent, suffocating his sobs, waiting for an insult or a joke. But instead Zoro sits next to him and tells him that he envies him, because he's able to let all his emotions out and to cry freely without feeling judged (by his own self) or "less masculine".

Sanji is obviously surprised by that glimpse of Zoro's sincerity, but doesn't want to tell him why he's crying. He doesn't want to burden him with his story. In that moment, he just knows that Zoro's company is comforting. Their shoulders slightly brushing while sitting next to each other in the darkness, Zoro's slow breathing, the warmth of his body... Everything about that makes Sanji cry even more. He isn't alone anymore. He doesn't have to bear all his sufferings by himself in a loop of poisonous thoughts.

Without even realising it, he finds himself leaning his head on Zoro's shoulder, feeling the tears running down his cheeks and soaking Zoro's shirt. He quickly starts sobbing again, covering his face with his hand. Zoro wraps his arm around him and pulls him closer, letting Sanji bury his head on his chest.

Zoro patiently waits, while Sanji cries until he's too tired to even let out a single hiccup and they both fall asleep holding each other.