#as to not constantly dissociate and derealize

[nyancrimew]

hm i gotta go back to my work again, i wanna get out an article this month to keep my streak up and get back in the flow

[rileylastname]

has the ceaseless unavoidable presence of undisclosed AI generated content absolutely everywhere made anyone else’s mental health so much worse basically all of the time or is it just me

[ersatz-introspective]

i know i have an issue with fake memories but recently i had like a whole fucking week's worth within like 5 minutes and this happened a few days ago or so now but i'm still wrapping my head around it like

what the fuck do you even say at that point

what the fuck do i even tell my therapist ?

that's. a WEEKS worth of stuff that DIDN'T HAPPEN.

like ?????????

genuinely i feel like neurologically speaking i'm a mess like i have accepted the fact that i'm probably gonna get alzheimer's or something tragically early in life. bro's NOT making it to its 60's man

[slasherflicks999]

he hath been redesigned..,,..

this took me far far too long (10 hours tracked on this canvas with half of that being shit i didn’t even end up using HELP)

i feel like lowkey improved a lot since his old design and that was only like 3 months ago hello??

i really grinded to get this done bc i have like 10000 things i wanna do with him but i wanted to get his design redone first LMAO

some more yapping after the break if yall would like to readdd :33

okay FIRST OF ALL i changed his mask a whole bunch bc a. i put no thought into the first one LOL and b. i think this one works better functionally and symbolism wise anyway plus i just like the look of it more hehe :3 i had this idea of like… cuz he’s not really typically a killer but more so a stalker and he just sort of follows people around and watches them from a distance it would be sick if his mask looked like. not TOO unusual from a distance? like if you’re not looking too hard and he’s far away or in the shadows it kinda just looks like a person but with something kind of off… but like you don’t wanna stare at some random dude so you’re probably not gonna think too hard about why his face looks a little funny. and then you see him up close and you’re like “ohhhhh. thats not your face.” PLUS LIKE uncanny valley symbolism cuz slasher looks human but somehow isnt and stuff… idk i thought it was neat 😈😈😈😈 and like freaky androgyny we love to see it. he got his three little eyelashes even when he’s being a freak 🫶🏻

dont ask me how he breathes in that thing (i thought about that when i was thinking of making his mask irl) he just does trust

i wanted to add more red to his design too since that’s like “his color” in my mind and also bc red is my favorite color HAHA and like more symbolism jazz… cuz red and blood and flesh and whatevers there’s a lot of symbolism to this guy i could go on and on and on i love symbolism it’s so much fun

BUT i dont feel like writing all that for now bc i lowkey gotta get some more of his backstory sorted first hehehe BUT I’LL YAP EVENTUALLY trust… :3

i WILL however feed yall with some miscellaneous fun facts while i’m here because why not :D i might as well spill some more info on him now that he’s dripped out

FUN FACTS YAYYYYY

bro does NOT permanently scar. like at all. even his most gruesome deaths have never left a scar that hasn’t eventually gone away, he WILL scar for a while but they never end up being permanent. as with most things about himself he has no idea how this happens

i think i mentioned this in the post with his old ref… but his ginormous pupils reflect light when you take pictures like a cat or raccoon’s would, meaning he has a tapetum lucidum and can see well in the dark! :D this also means he’s constantly confused why the people around him can’t see what he does in the middle of the night like “hey look at that deer. what do you mean you can’t see it? it’s not ‘too dark’??”

he split his tongue by himself because he was bored and thought it would be cool

he has really, really, REALLY intense issues with derealization and depersonalization especially. dissociation too, but since he lost most of his memories and became a proxy he hasn’t really felt “real” or fully connected to the world like… ever. a little part of him is convinced he must just be in a coma or (fully) dead or something, but he tries not to think about that too much.

he’s really good at staring. like. just unblinking, unmoving staring. it lowkey freaks the others out how long he can go without blinking and he does it sometimes just to spook them hehe

he likes to paint! he doesn’t usually let anyone see his stuff because he’s shy about it but he definitely does it whenever he gets the chance

he lowkey forgot what video games were until BEN reintroduced them to him and ever since then he constantly asked him to borrow his handhelds and stuff until BEN got fed up and just got him his own homebrewed ds LMAO

he definitely prefers not to but like.. he absolutely has eaten human flesh before. particularly when he was momentarily crashing with ej (more on them eventually >:3) but he’s also had his fair share of um……. slip ups. when he hadn’t eaten meat for a while

he’s pretty damn soft spoken. like he doesn’t talk much around people he doesn’t know in the first place and will straight up go nonverbal if he’s too overwhelmed or upset, but even with his friends he’s not usually very loud. he’s yelled maybe a small handful of times in his time as a proxy and even most of those were at video games

he LOOOVES the cold. meanwhile the heat literally makes him want to lay on train tracks

he steals literally every cd he sees when he’s out and about. like even if he’s never heard of the artist he doesn’t give a fuck he’s bringing that shit home

speaking of, in the house he shares with toby and kate he lives in the attic :3 bc of course he does. and you’d better BELIEVE he called dibs on it immediately upon discovering it was there

AND speaking of music, alice in chains is one of his favorite bands. largely bc i just associate their songs with him a lot hehe

other than any sort of meat his favorite food is instant noodles :3

i would yap more but 1. i still need to actually write more about him and 2. im hungry so I HOPE YALL ENJOY ANYWAY he’s so goober

im actually really proud of his redesign hehehe i wanna draw him so much more…… more art of him most definitely coming soon and answering asks and writing stuff yippee yippee!!!

[thaltro]

this ask is a free pass to talk abt did/osdd as much as you want 👍

I love these free passes..thank you..please give me more 🫶🏽

Spending my pass on a rant about the online perception of DID/OSDD

One thing I find interesting is the concept of fake claiming and how that’s affected the community. In 2020 there was a large increase in mental health “awareness” online- mass vague posting of common symptoms and connecting it to larger disorders. This eventually lead to a lot of people misdiagnosing themselves with DID/OSDD. And Contrary to popular belief, I actually think most misdiagnosing was in good faith- younger teens for the first time connecting to disassociation, maladaptive day dreaming, emotional swings, PTSD, and derealization- and genuinely believing they had it. It’s more likely they had more common disorders like maybe Bpd, DDD, depression, psychosis- because there is a huge overlap in symptoms. (It’s also important to note it was also a huge awakening for actual systems too- because I’m definitely not saying everyone who had did/osdd in 2020 was misdiagnosed, in a lot of cases people were right!)

Buttttt

The internets reaction to this wasn’t with reeducation or kindness or even respectful criticism- it created a whole list of “faking signs”. I personally think the people who misdiagnosed themselves harmed the community much less then the people pushing for constant fakeclaiming. And now these arbitrary concepts plague actual systems pushing them into a deeper denial and opening them up to waves of unwanted harassment. Like ok, here’s some common misconceptions you’ll see (all the ones I’m listing are just bullshit and are contradicted with actual medical research)

-Systems can’t have fictives

-Systems can’t unmask

-Systems can’t have littles

-Systems can’t have factives

-Systems can’t have internal relationships

-Systems can’t have high amnesia

-Systems can’t have rapid switches

-Systems can’t have faceclaims or go by different genders/sexualities

ALL OF THIS IS BULLSHIT! None of these actually are backed up with medical research! And the worst part is I see groups of people just harass normal systems who show these normal symptoms and constantly fakeclaim them. I see cringe compilations, r/fake disorder cringe, tik toks, and video essays just spewing this nonsensical shit and it genuinely hurts. (It’s SO ANNOYING when they say shit like “people who do this hurt actual systems” YOUR HURTING ACTUAL SYSTEMS SHUT UP 😭) but Yes I do think there are people out their who do fake this disorder and use it to hurt and manipulate people. But I don’t think that’s the majority of misdiagnosed people. Even if someone was wrong I think it’s safer to just ignore them then to spread misinformation about DID/OSDD and encourage the possible harm onto genuine systems. (Also being wrong and admitting you are wrong is fine)

But yeah I’ll end my rant by saying If you support this weird online fakeclaiming witch hunts then I don’t want to associate with you. And to the self diagnosed systems or suspecting systems, it’s incredibly hard being in that position- harassment is almost guaranteed online and that sucks. Self diagnosis is valid especially if you can’t afford DID specialists- however with that statement If you do self diagnosis its necessary to do research. Don’t look at plural pedia or random websites- I recommend reading the DSM and The haunted self (it explains the fundamentals of structural dissociation)

PDF for the actual book ^^ (it’s also good for self diagnosed systems because it can help you weed out any other possible disorder overlap with BPD and PTSD)

But yeah 🙁 sorry for the rant I’m just really frustrated with the current climate of the internet especially for systems.

[genderqueerdykes]

Hello! Could you please tell us more about “plural experiences”? I had a few weird revelations about my mental health and I remembered how you said that plural experiences were very different and various…. So could you tell us more please?

sure, i can at the very least tell you about mine! i can't personally speak on types of plurality i don't experience, but I have Dissociative Identity Disorder & Depersonalization/Derealization, and can talk about what it's like to be a Dissociative plural!

I've never felt like just 1 person - i was talking to other people who lived in my head with me, having full conversations and interactions, as a child. i saw posts that we made on a forum as a child that were on our account but periodically being signed by different names. even from a young age i was not 1 cohesive person

i am nearly constantly dissociating- i do not feel connected with the present and most situations i find myself in don't feel real. it's very hard for me to tell when switches happen because we have very strong dissociative barriers, but others are able to pick up on it very easily. we usually don't know who is fronting, though sometimes we become very aware and can communicate with each other for brief times

there are good and bad experiences, it's a mixed bag. it's nice to have people who can help in dangerous or uncomfortable situations. those of us who can communicate with each other have good bonds and enjoy spending time together. sometimes it's nice to just chat with one another. sometimes we will try to get each other small gifts once we are able to learn more about our interests

i have a lot of items i don't remember buying that just appear in my home. items go missing, end up in strange places, get thrown out without my permission... one of our alters has had her clothing thrown out and ripped apart by other alters who decided they didn't like how she dressed. sometimes we get into arguments. sometimes some alters lose their patience and get frustrated with others. normal things really, for being multiple people. not everyone gets along or agrees or shares opinions, that's normal.

looking at names that we used to go by just produces a feeling of emptiness. i have no clue who the old hosts were. never met them. we've been known by many names but they all feel like strangers to us. we have a lot of alters and people come and go fairly often.

hope that's helpful, I'm not sure if that's what you were looking for but i hope that helps provide some insight!

[spookyeagling]

I think being on the hyperverbal side of things probably makes you a little more prone to depersonalisation/derealization cos you're constantly translating your sense-experiences into words, and putting words to things is a process of substitution - a word is not the thing itself, it stands in for the thing itself. It's a symbol. Like when you just look at an object, you are experiencing the thing itself. But the second you think "that is an apple" you are no longer experiencing the thing itself but an abstraction of that thing. You're already one step removed from the original sense-experience, already a little bit dissociated from your sense of the Real.

[unfortunate-collective-hcs]

Headcanon pronouns He/they/she (neos somedays too!)

Marius Von Raum from The Mechanisms is autistic, and gets infantilized by people because of it, which he hates. Marius is also a system, which causes him to forget chucks of memories. Traumatic memories are "held" by those in the system. Marius also has chronic pain, specifically in her knees, legs, and arm. Marius struggles with derealization and dissociation constantly, and he can't tell which emotion they're feeling at the moment sometimes, and may have the "wrong" emotion for situations (ex. Thinking he's mad when they're sad, or acting angry when he feels happy).

[crownedhades]

this is part 3 of my killer sans and szpd rambles.

thank that one guy for reblogging part 1 and 2 and it appearing in my notifs, because i genuinely forgot i even talked about this crap 😭

keep in mind that in this post, i will be moving away from szpd for the most part so that i can tackle other psychological factors of his character.

featured mentions: color sans, nightmare, dust/murder, and horror.

.°• ੈ♡₊˚•.

now, keep in mind that i do not know color's full story nor have i read any of his comics. the stuff i know about him are things i have read from other people. i only care about color because i see him as an extension of killer's story, and killer is my primary fixation.

but at this point i feel like i should read it, especially since i do plan on writing a oneshot between the two eventually. . . all i know is that hes not the main character, people dont remember him, and that he has the human souls. thats all. oh and i have a basic understanding of his personality.

but anyway. with the idea that killer gets replaced a lot by nightmare, i bet color has a lot of trauma surrounding that. i mean, with every attempt he has at trying to rescue killer, is basically just color reliving the same terrible loss over and over again.

i imagine that killer would be confused. the first time color loses him, i think he would break down upon seeing killer again. he would grab his shoulders, lean his forehead onto his collar bone, and weep. or if hes not that type of guy (bc i havent read the comic), then he may try to keep it together in front of killer--but, killer is observant. he would notice that color knows more than he lets on. every version of killer would notice something.

and color knows that he can't forever conceal the truth from killer.

i think... nightmare would get tired of constantly replacing killer. killer is only useful when he is not affected by an outside influence such as color.

i think nightmare would replace him only 2 more times after finally having enough. first, he would act on his usual methods, but this time, he lets color have this version of killer. then, with color thinking that he finally succeeded, nightmare takes on another version of killer without color's knowing.

so that they both have what they want.

i wonder if, in the chance that color finds out about nightmares trickery, he would be satisfied with his one version of killer, or if he would want to save every killer from nightmare's grasp. i would imagine color is pretty mentally ill by this point, so it could go either way.

i will have to revist these thoughts once i read the othertale comics. for now, theyre just concepts that are not fully fleshed out.

(feel free to send the comic link if you have it.. it may get me to do this faster.)

.°• ੈ♡₊˚•.

killer is just... confused. i think he periodically has episodes of confusion due to dissociating, depersonalization, derealization, etc. confused with himself, confused with everything around him, confused about his origins, etc.

he is desperate for control over his life because he feels as though he has none. from the player, to the timelines, to the hacker and the deal, to nightmare and color... the multiverse and everything.

with color knowing more than he lets on, and some interpretations depicting nightmare as being able to mess with, change, or blur killer's memory--it gets confusing.

his thoughts, mind, and memories arent lining up. everything he knows doesnt match. he cant just... shrug it off, even if he might appear to do so. it plagues him. bothers him.

and like a schizoid, he may want to isolate. after all, he can only tolerate so much manipulation and abuse before he just wants to... cut everything off. whether it be cutting off people and hiding away like he did in his timeline, or cutting off... his own life.

so, it leans more towards depression rather than schizoid personality.

the dude is depressed. you cant tell me otherwise.

.°• ੈ♡₊˚•.

theres no way dust and horror dont notice things, either. i mean, if killer constantly gets replaced, then killer has no idea who these motherfuckers are.

sure, they could conclude that killer either has bad memory or is just being his usual annoying self, but... with the things killer says, and how killer genuinely treats them like new people--not even mentioning how suspicious nightmare gets--it comes to a point where its obvious whats happening.

i imagine killer hates pity. he hates it when people feel bad for him or give him poor sympathies. he gets annoyed with it, really.

and i imagine that once it dawns on horror and dust that killer is getting replaced, they might initially feel bad for him. i mean, they all respectively come from fucked up universes, but... seeing constant abuse and manipulation in front of you doesn't feel good. i mean, they suffer from nightmare's terror, too, but... killer objectively suffers the most under nightmare's control. and they can see that.

neither dust nor horror are inherently bad people. theyre deranged in a way due to their traumas and issues, but i dont see them as evil. their views on the world are just messed up and its not their fault.

them wanting to survive, prioritizing themselves, is not their fault, either. so if they decide to save their own skin from nightmare, then thats all there is to it.

but their initial attitude would bother killer. i feel like killer might try to intentionally destroy the possibility of them having an understanding relationship because of how much he hates their sympathies. fuck, he doesn't even know why they feel that way for him.

and its not like they intentionally try to give off that vibe. theyre not trying to reach out to him or give him their condolences.

but killer is observant. too observant. he knows they know something that he doesnt.

.°• ੈ♡₊˚•.

killer becomes angry once he realizes that hes being replaced. he acts impulsively, lashing out--desperate to escape this hell that nightmare has forced him to be in.

at least, that's how most of his versions would react. i remember there being an interpretation that not all killers are the same, and that there would be small differences between them. which makes sense.

there would be a version, at some point, who handles the situation rationally.

theres this webtoon comic called "never-ending darling" that is actually very similar to killers experience with this. where the main character is being artificially recreated by her boyfriend, and she doesnt realize that shes constantly being replaced.

her method to escape this cycle is by leaving sticky notes hidden away in her room, communicating with her new self after her past self dies.

i feel like this more rational version of killer does the same. leaving behind hidden notes for future versions of killer to find.

and how they react is, well... ill think of that later.

.°• ੈ♡₊˚•.

heres a little teaser of another ramble i plan on making. i have 1/3rd of it done

i might make a part 4, who knows.

if i make a part 4, it will definitely tackle actual psychological points. in this part i just wanted to write down what was on my mind without thoroughly fleshing it out.

[eksentrismi]

Small quick vent about my mental health-issues and my region's healthcare, otherwise I'm okay!!!

The way how my nurse and doctors treat my dissociative symptoms in such a dismissive way, it makes me so so sick </3 It's messed up, I really don't understand why it's so hard for them to even consider that "hey, this patient has had a traumatic childhood and past, that they're clearly dissociating and suffering because of it, we should probably really look into this further or get this patient into better care". Like the amount of horrors and terrible stuff I've told to them about my childhood for the last decade, yet they don't give a fucking damn </333 Wtf does it take to get taken seriously ever, especially since I'm *visibly* shy & quiet, and known for being autistic and ADHD. And to actually not be infantalized by nearly every single medical professional who ever sees me </333

Like I actually suffer from a lot of dissociation, depersonalisation, derealization, maladaptive daydreaming and constant identity issues almost constantly, but my nurse & countless million other doctors who have examined me over the years; they just don't care about it at all. One has even admitted to a friend of mine, that they DON'T examine anything to do with traumas or dissociation, because idk, they just don't give a shit or don't have resources. Fuck this crappy region, I hate living here because of this crap </3

[eqho]

tw: mentions of SA, mentions of abuse, neglect, dissociation

how do I know if I have did? I don't know much about the symptoms. all ik is that I have childhood trauma from when I was (not physically) abused and emotionally neglected and constantly berated as a young kid by my dad. also I have amnesia and forgot majority of my childhood and a lot of traumatic events (according to my mom, and I have trauma responses despite forgetting it). I haven't been HEAVILY traumatized, and my SA only happened a couple of times, only being for a few seconds or minutes (deliberate) and it's not like it fucked me up. idk if that's important info but I wanna know. I do dissociate/derealize but I always assumed it was from anxiety. I'm getting assesed for autism but if yall know symptoms and what it could be, pls lmk!

P.S. NOT HERE FOR DISCOURSE. IF UR TRYING TO ARGUE, UR BLOCKED.

[kygerbearr]

does anyone know if the jury is out on whether or not your experiences can shape your gender and sexuality and that that shit isn't just static from its initial creation

i get if people dont want to say it does bc that leads to the idea that you can make someone gay or reinforce the idea that you can turn someone straight or whatever, but I really cannot shake the feeling that it's actually pretty important to think about what led you to be who you are, including those things.

like. i honestly don't feel like I would have been asexual if I was brought up differently. I do think that mental illness has contributed to my gender identity, and I do think that I wouldn't be aromantic if it weren't for how I was abused

I think that constantly dissociating and frequently dealing with derealization absolutely had an impact on my identity and is the biggest reason I ended up identifying as agender. I feel like all of this is extremely important to who I am and I'm not just who I am, I am everything that led to me becoming who I am, and it's belittling to boil it down to the outcome of it all

I don't know what other people think about the topic but I do get the feeling that most people don't agree and that this post will be seen as anti-LGBTQ somehow but fuck you anyways because this shit matters to me

[luminarii3]

How a lack of sleep affects us as a system

we originally posted this on reddit, this is a repost

As most probably know, a lack of sleep significantly impacts your mental health, regardless if you are a system or not. It can increasing the risk of mood disorders, anxiety, and depression, and potentially exacerbating existing mental health conditions. Sleep deprivation can also impair cognitive functions like decision-making, judgment, and problem-solving, further affecting emotional regulation and well-being.

That being said, we simply wanted to talk how a lack of bodily sleep affects us as a system..

Knowing that a lack of sleep can worsen symptoms you may already have/experience, we noticed that for us, on the nights where we get little to no sleep, we experience a lot of things by tenfolds. We dissociate more, communication between headmates becomes harder to accomplish, we tend to have such a harder time telling if we're switching or not (hard to tell who we even are atm) and even leads to a lot of emotional regulation issues, causing a lot of our other mental health issues to also get worse. It makes our depression get worsen. Episodes of derealization or depersonalization become more frequent. We are constantly on the verge of an anxiety attack by the littlest thing, and in general just makes us constantly unstable emotionally.

Three hours ago we isolated ourselves and cried ourself to sleep for a nap, even tho we rested for a bit, everything is still cranked up to an 8 emotionally/mentally.

As for a solution for this, we found that practicing proper sleep habits helps everyone within the system, and we recommend that even as a system, you practise healthy sleep habits.

(Do as we say not as we do)

Here's a few things we sometimes do that helps us get a goodnight's rest.

Set a shared sleep routine.

Agree as a system (as much as possible) on consistent sleep/wake times. Even if headmates have different preferences, aim for a compromise that supports the body's needs.

Carefully Choose Sleep-Fronting Headmates

Some systems designate specific headmates to front near bedtime—those who are calm, grounded, or good at helping the body rest. If you don't have a dedicated headmate, ask your fellow headmates who would be willing and comfortable with sharing the bed/body with you during bedtime that you know takes rest seriously. Rotate roles if needed, or assign "rest guardians" who make sure others aren't keeping the body awake. Don't be like me where I invited a headmate who lives off coffee to sleep in the body, because SHOCKINGLY sleeping does not get done. Pick your headmates wisely.

Practise Internal Quiet Time

It's basically like meditation. Set a designated quiet or low-activity period before sleep (30–60 minutes) and use grounding techniques, light inner world visualization, or calming internal conversation to reduce system-wide activity. Encourage all fronting or nearby headmates to focus on body sensations: deep breaths, muscle relaxation, or heartbeat awareness. Grounding helps anchor the system in the present and prepares the body for sleep.

Journaling Before Bed

Write down thoughts, switches, emotions, or tasks from different headmates. This helps offload mental clutter and reduce anxiety-driven insomnia.

Make Agreements on Late-Night Switching

If switching at night is common, agree on "quiet hours" or "no-switch unless necessary" rules, unless a headmate is taking over to help the body rest. This is something we are currently still working on as a system because MULTIPLE SOMEONES think it's okay to do whatever they want regardless of time..

External Aids

We find that external aids are the most important for us, mainly because it signals to everyone that it's time for rest. Weighted blankets, calming music, white noise, or specific scents (lavender, for example) may help soothe multiple headmates at once. If there is a specific activity that you as a collective or the frequent fronter like to do to unwind, this would be the time to do it. For us, we tend to do word searches before bed some nights, and have been considering doing it more often as of late as we notice it helps us relax a lot more than rewatching a youtube video.

We have no idea how to end this but I guess... what are some struggles do you deal with as a system when you lack sleep? What are some things you do to help with sleep as a system? We're curious in knowing how others tackle this problem too.

- Luminous

[isa-ghost]

May I humbly ask for more q!phil headcanons? 👉👈

Fuck yeah concrete >:D

Previous Sets: Set 1 Set 2 Set 3 Set 4 Set 5

M O R E

He'll go above & beyond for his friends for as long as it takes, but when a situation proves futile or hopeless, he gives up. And hates it. He feels guilty for it even when he knows there's nothing more he can do. He also HATES being helpless (it's part of why he's taking being grounded so hard)

Once his mind is made up, it's made up. It's very hard to change his mind. You practically need a PowerPoint of irrefutable facts & proof of why he should think another way

Yeah. He's stubborn. It can be infuriating. But it comes from a place of life experience, knowing what he wants, and a hint of paranoia for flavor. It's not exactly a flaw, but it does act as a detriment sometimes

And don't get him wrong, he doesn't always like being stubborn. Sometimes he just can't imagine things any other way than how he's picturing. He does feel bad sometimes about being the way he is. He has a hard time trusting things that aren't his gut or Rose

He's grown to like walks. He misses flying obv but walkies are pretty okay. He still gets to see neat stuff, and clear his head if his paranoia isn't too awful

He knows he's losing touch with reality slowly. He's just unaware there's words for it (derealization, dissociation). And he tries really hard not to think about it, it makes him sick with dread because once again, it gnaws at his ability to control his situation or himself

Btw that's one of his deepest fears if it wasn't obvious. Like yeah he has basic bitch fears that most other people have like losing loved ones or w/e, but his personal Big Fear is the loss of his autonomy. It's part of why he's an anarchist & hates the Federation, another part of why being flightless is killing him inside, and part of why Ender King scares him. Especially after Rose's most recent message (1/17/24) said EK has no vessel. Phil's mind shot right to "He needs a vessel and that vessel is me. That's what he wants."

He does NOT like acknowledging that to a degree, he & Ender King DO have things in common. He constantly rationalizes it in his brain as "I have crow brain, I collect the things that look shiny & cool. Ender King is malicious, it's not the same."

Lowkey hates the quiet. It's nice to get out of chaotic environments for bit, but that doesn't mean the silence will grant him peace. He starts getting lost in his own head, or winds up understimulated. Music is a good buffer. Ideally though, he likes having the kids or one person to bounce off of (& keep him mentally grounded when he's stressed). It's why he adventures with Fit so often.

Speaking of silence, and calling back to fears, there's something so inexplicably uncomfortable to him about footsteps that aren't his, esp in quiet. See, the admins invisible Federation workers that just monitor things, he can usually tolerate those bc it's easy to guess when it's them he's accompanied by & not an unknown presence. But man, when he knows he should absolutely be alone atm but hears movement that isn't his own, his adrenaline shoots through the roof. (Little does he know, that's Hardcore Instincts kicking in. He's used to that movement being a mob out to kill him)

Rose's Sanctuary is a fitting enough "altar" for her, so to speak. Even though she made it herself. The Goddess of Death however, Phil needs something for her. He has a locket with a wither rose engraved in it for now, he doesn't want to be questioned by his friends why there's a weird purple & black altar in his house when,,, he might have to tell them there's (an entirely different) purple & black motherfucker trying to maybe possess him who Is Very Bad. Also there's no way they'd believe he's married to a goddess. He can hear Fit laughing already.

He keeps getting distracted but he really wants to either build a practice range for bows or just. Go on a solo adventure shaking off the rust on his aim. He misses the rush of pride he gets when he snipes something so flawlessly. He also procrastinates on it when he's Not distracted bc he has the scythe & he's in love with it. (Also it's a symbol of Death Wife)

Every now and then he'll banter with the invisible Feds trying to bargain with them for the Good Shit(tm) Mexican food they had at Mexican Independence Day. Things have been so chaotic lately he hasn't gotten the chance to ask Chayanne to make them & like HELL he could successfully make them himself

That said, he's actually not a terrible cook like he claims. He just hates how laborious cooking can be LMAO.

Even so, he still really wants to cook for Missa. Purely for bonding reasons. He has no idea Missa would probably crush even harder on him, Phil still thinks they're mutually platonic.

[tempestmothstorm]

hiya hi! i saw your DDLC rpg-au on my feed, and I want to say two things:

▪︎ THIS IS SUCH A COOL CONCEPT HELLO??

▪︎ post more about it or I'm hunting you down /j (but seriously, PLEASE tell more I'm so invested)

YESSS YEEESSSSSSDS PEOPLE CARE YESSSSSSSSSSS THANK YOUUUUU

Honestly I’ve been sitting around on this concept for so long so I have a bunch of assorted facts about it and also more details on the lore so I can do that

They all had different elemental affinities and fighting styles. Monika has light based attacks (she summons an energy spear since her old one broke). She’s generally a more physical attacker with good defence and stamina as the all rounder. Sayori has wind bard attack and mostly focused on stat buffs for her teammates. As a magic user she’d probably have lower stats overall but good magic and hp. Yuri is the mage attacker who learns a bunch of element types but has a focus on dark magic. She also sends stat debuffs to the enemies and has the stats you expect from a mage. Natsuki has fire breath and is the physical attacker. She hits hard with her comedically giant axe but is also inexplicably the fast attacker too. She makes up for this by being the biggest glass cannon on the planet so watch out for that

I imagine Yuri and Natsuki are more inclined to magic since magic is symbolism for how close they are to the 4th wall and how connected they are to the game’s universe. They were never in the running for the epiphany so they get more rpg tropes. I’d say both were born with a lot of magical talent because of their heritage (Natsuki’s dad also had fire magic which I totally trust him to use normally)

Over time the battle system would include more team attacks and attacks inspired by other party members to symbolize their growing bonds like as a reward for side story-like events (ex. Yuri and Monika do some light and dark elemental attack together or Natsuki learns her own healing spell from Sayori)

The stock rpg enemies are cursed creatures, constructs, and people and appear as glitchy sprites. The cursed seem to attack indiscriminately and has been slowly infecting the lands. As the start it’s some far distant problem, but by the end basically everywhere they turn there’s a dangerous amount of curse goop. Monika’s paladin oath gives her curse immunity but the rest are in danger. At least Monika can cure small scale/early stage curses

The curse affects the party differently than others. For most it makes them mindless attackers, as if they’re nothing more than npcs, while the party has their worst traits increased. Sayori becomes despondent and has all her stats lowered as she loses motivation. Yuri becomes kinda manic with higher attack and speed but dangerously low everything else, as well as the chance to not attack or suffer recoil damage. Natsuki is just kinda on edge and constantly in fight for flight, with each turn having the change of one random stat being raised with the rest lowered or no turn at all with her frozen. Monika is initially merely damaged by it, but after late game events shakes her spirits, the curse starts to affect her and she begins to hear voices and show symptoms of dissociation/derealization and cant attack. It’s questioned why they’re affected so differently, even assuming they’re in some prophesy stuff. It’s almost as if the curse is trying to make the world a certain way and that these four alone must be reverted to be part of the vision. Hm

This is also why I want isat style battle portraits because being able to show emotion is important for big battle scenes. I’m imagining so many sprites for them. Also play isat

I debated making the team a bunch of dnd races (Sayori as a saytr, Yuri as a tiefling, Natsuki as an maybe a Dragonborn idk, and Monika human because she is the closest to reality) but I opted to go for everyone being human because half of them would not be recognizable as the og characters or stand out from the more human passing characters. More importantly though it signifies the fact that they are different from the rest of the world, as if they were brought from somewhere else and don’t belong. Because of this most npcs would be some non-human dnd race to further that divide

I’d imagine the rpg starting with Monika seeking out some macguffin object that could contact a god that would help her on her quest to end the curse. She gets cornered by some enemies and begins to pray to a bunch of gods until her mind falls on a name she doesn’t recognize, calling for the god of ____________. This is where the game starts as the player is able to guide and help Monika under this new path.

I don’t have colour palette picked out but Monika’s big ass cape is white and it is so important to me. Not only is it an allusion to her big ass bow, having a white cloak tells so much about a character. Because a white cape would be so hard to keep stainless, especially if it’s used in battle. Because of this fact, lighter character designs give the impression that the person either is perfect, sees themselves as perfect, or holds themselves to the standard of perfection. I think this would be really fitting for Monika, and during certain scenes I would plan for her cape to get damaged and burnt to symbolize her crumbling self esteem but that’s its own au spoiler post

Speaking of character design everyone besides Sayori has gloves, because symbolism and the fact that they’re all allergic to being vulnerable. Monika just isn’t used to having her gauntlets off since she was trained to be a knight since childhood. Yuri hides her self harm scars with her gloves (so like every Yuri design with gloves). Natsuki has the most scars around her because of edgy tragic backstory reasons but her gauntlets specifically hide burn scars because guess who else I mentioned had fire powers. She just doesn’t like to think about those ones

For similar reasons Yuri and Natsuki also have big scarves (they fit their roles of mysterious coven member and former thief trying to look bigger than they are) (they are also anti talking about their feelings) (I also like big scarves) (I also considered giving them masks for similar reasons)

Sayori’s big coat and Natsuki’s fireproof scarf are from their parents for very different reasons.

Actually I should just make a character design process post later. I like talking about character design.

I imagine yuri’s self harm could be justified as magic techniques in this universe, but it’s really just a bad coping mechanism and a bad way to suppress or release her uncontrolled magic. Everyone is concerned about it, and it isn’t even a necessary way to draw magic, she just learned it because it was one of the methods her family tried to suppress her uncontrolled magic

^^^Also that whole plot line is like a conversation therapy metaphor. It honestly fits with her whole trying to suppress the weirder sides of herself thing. She has that one trope where her powers go out of control with high emotion so it goes well with this(also ftlt fic I love you)

Natsuki is wanted in several towns

Actually I do have some plot line idea about some bounty hunters and knights hunting her down since she used to be a well known thief before becoming a mercenary. They only know her for her mask tho so it isn’t that bad. But in the whole Natsuki hometown plot line I imagine some old supportive friend from her childhood sees her with her mask on and assumes she’s a thief. After trying to apprehend her they finally recognize her and are like “oh that sad kid from 10 years ago and the infamous thief are the same person oops” and they might have given her a panic attack

Also everyone in this au is slightly more distant mostly because of their backstories being kinda isolating and traumatic because rpgs can’t let people be happy. Other slight differences is that Monika has way more sheltered child social awkwardness and that Natsuki is a bit more aggressive and less cutesy leaning since she had to act tough to make it in the mercenary world and be appealing to hirer. Basically she’s compensating for being short and scrawny. Yuri is also more into magic and history books instead of fantasy since. Yknow.

Honestly Sayori’s is the only untouched one. Her essence transcends the ages. She truly is the heart of ddlc

Monika is the only orphan without known parents because base game leaves her as the only one without a defined backstory besides ‘leaving the debate club’(which is paralleled by her leaving knighthood). She’s also the only one without a last name because of that (the others are Sayori Sakura, Yuri Ishikichi, Natsuki Kisaragi)(I just kinda picked the most generic and alliterative names) (also ftlt mention)

She also does not comprehend how her upbringing might have messed her up. Like Yuri and Natsuki know they’ve got issues because of the past and Sayori is worried about all of them, but when Sayori includes her in that worry she’s like “wdym?” “You were an orphan????” “I mean I was a famous knight” “did anyone raise you??” “Is that bad?”

Sayori’s family are fishermen because her name is a type of fish

I do have pretty detailed ideas on how the game would end but I’m gonna put that in its own post because it’s take away the focus here. But it is my favourite part of the au. So I will do it. It’s very isat to me.

[unrealistic-ideas-for-writers]

Having silly thoughts about the Gang again- except I dunno how I got there because I was discussing Pangaea with someone.

Valerian with Lupus-adjacent chronic illness and symptoms in canon- who needs consistency and high fiber in his diet to help manage flares-

Valerian in the modern!Au with Systemic Lupus Erythematosus (SLE)- who is unfortunate enough to be told to avoid pastas and garlic and high sugar/sodium foods- Whole is told to limit sun exposure??? As a Geology/Archeology Major??? (I think that’s what we decided on???)

(Cutaneous Lupus Erythematous may also be appropriate)

(Because this can sometimes cause the calcification of soft tissues and all I can think about is Valerian growing his crystals)

Symptoms including: joint pain, skin rashes, swelling in feet and eyes because of affects to the kidneys, extreme fatigue, low fevers

Jiahui who consistently disassociates when left to her own devices and needs a grounding agent- who is more prone to zoning out or minor cases Overclocking as a Havoc resonator in general (though her own stability may vary, this is a general association with Havoc resonators)- Who also needs to keep a close watch on her prosthetic, check blood flow regularly, and take it in for repairs often with how beat up it can get

Jiahui who has a Dissociative Disorder in the modern!au- who needs a lot of help from her roommates to ground her in the present, give her fidgets and small tasks to do to keep her mind from drifting too far- Who paints her prosthetic with her roommates and has timers on her phone to give her leg a break :3

(Thinking specifically in the Derealization zone for her, the world feels unreal and foggy and dreamlike)

Symptoms including: Loss of time, fatigue, mental distance from her own actions, etc.

Sobeknesef who runs cold in canon because of his Glacio resonance, who needs constant heat and sun exposure, who experiences phantom pains in his missing wrist

Sobeknesef in the modern!Au with Orthostatic Hypotension, who’s always cold and mildly anemic and has to very carefully manage his diet and supplements as a Vegetarian. Who has Phantom Limb syndrome and regularly needs check he has adequate blood flow under his prosthetic-

Symptoms: Blurred vision, chest pains, dizziness, potential syncope (fainting), fatigue, mild anemia

Caladin in canon with constantly dried and cracked hands from over exposure to compressed Spectro- with arthritis in all of his joints from years of being stuck in one position (YEARS)- who needs to be careful about his own sun exposure because he overheats easily, absorbs a little too much Spectro naturally, and can quickly devolve into a heat stroke

Caladin in the modern!Au with Rheumatoid Arthritis and has to carefully manage his medication and sun exposure to prevent easier heat strokes and rashes- who happily joins Valerian in a Mediterranean Diet to reduce overall inflammation in their foods

Symptoms: tender and swollen joints, joint stiffness, fatigue, low grade fevers, and loss of appetite

-

Anyways. Don’t know how I got here, but chronic illness and conditions are always fun to think about :3

Thoughts?

@uncreative-cryptid

@hobbysognodilibri

@crypticrainbowmoss