#recovering codependent

[guiltyidealist]

Latest hobby: radical self-acceptance codependency affirmations

I like to use over-the-top edgy imagery to invoke the ~emo~ sentiments we associate with edge, juxtaposing the aggressively self-loving text. accentuates the punk nature of radical acceptance

[johnnyiscaged]

How to stop depending on a person who has wanted nothing to do with you for 8 months no glue no borax

[whatbigotspost]

Me and this bird and its creator on Instagram have a thought for you today.

For the past few years, I have fancied myself somewhat of a recovered people pleaser. Unfortunately, recent personal and professional experiences have proven to me with a gruesome and upsetting clarity that while I might’ve made some progress on this element, I am still all too quick to sacrifice my own well-being and happiness for others who wouldn’t even spit on me if I was on fire.

I want to extol the virtues of being generous and kind and not self-centered… But the older that I get the more that I realize that pretty much is nobody out there who will have your back. So if you don’t have your own back, a lot of folks that will see that and be happy to exploit it.

I’m not saying don’t trust others. I’m just saying don’t sacrifice anything for people who barely even see you.

[4ngel-f4ngzz]

he is not abandoning me. he is not abandoning me. he just doesn’t have service and he’s working. he’s not abandoning me.

[theclearstateofthemind]

[cypric-rat-hyperfixation]

🤲 🔪 RATffirmations

Featured:

Mercury of @spacedoutrat

stock image rat?? (?)

Beans of @otterpuppss

Squid of @eightyproof

Remy & Emile of @rats-is-short-for-ratthews

Ganymede of @rat-of-the-day

(listed by order of appearance)

[healingechoes]

[love-ardour-anarchism]

getting ready for the codependents anonymous meeting like “i gotta be the hottest and most fuckable person at the meeting for people trying to be less unhealthily dependent on being desired, wanted and needed”

[candy-fae]

To either person in a codependent relationship- do it for yourself. You don’t need to please anybody, and if someone is guilting you into being their friend, you’re not their friend. They don’t care about you. They care about what you can do for them. And you’re not anything beyond that.

But you are, and you need to recognize why these relationships happen. And to people pleaser everywhere I LOVE YOU!!! but get some help! Let yourself take up space. Don’t be a pushover! TAKE UP SPACE! BE LOUD AND CAREFREE AND DONT LET PEOPLE SUCK UP ALL YOUR ENERGY!!

[adviceformefromme]

How do you not repress feelings but not let everything take over? I have very bad ocd and it seeps into my relationship as well, I always feel the minute I don’t like something or it so slightly hurt my feels or I get worried it’s a small red flag that means this relationship is doomed, I need to address it. But I also know rationally, I don’t think rationally all the time and I can’t decipher what is to be brought up and what isn’t… I pay extremely close detail to everything. If my partner says I love you but forgets the goodnight part, I immediately think something is wrong or doesn’t like me anymore… I’ll have really good weeks and be doing great and then really bad weeks where I feel like I’m going insane noticing everything. I’ve been able to learn how to stay much calmer during those feelings but it still nags sometimes.

Hey sweetie, the key to not suppressing your emotions is doing the healing work. I would definitely look into codependency, regulating your nervous system and emotional trauma release. It sounds like there are issues with inner safety, which are most likely related to something that has happened in your childhood. And it's not that your current relationship is mirroring a past trauma, it's just the same emotions that come up when you're triggered today, are the same emotions felt in the past, and it's like a wound being poked at. You need to heal the wound. Advice on how to heal:

1] Get therapy, you want to find someone you can trust, someone you feel safe to open up to, someone who you see growth with as the sessions continue.

2] Try emotional freedom tapping (EFT), I am currently doing sessions to clear out old traumas, it's honestly incredible. I do one session per week and found a very affordable virtual coach on https://www.fiverr.com

3] Reading books, healing books. I recommend going to the book store in the self help section and seeing what books call out to you. Books on co-dependency, books on healing your inner child, books on self love, books on healing your nervous system, somatic healing some suggestions.

4] Journal. Build that bond between you and you. That self love, that I am my own best friend energy has to exist so you are not sabotaging and hurting yourself as you are on this path. Your journal is a space to express what is going on, how you feel, what you want to feel, what you want to let go, love letters to yourself. It's your opportunity to understand and get to know you better on a deeper level.

5] Speak to your partner and allow him to understand what is going on and what exactly your needs are. Learn about Dr Cheyenne Bryants High Functioning / Low functioning behaviour dynamic in relationships (research online), in short when you are in those triggered moments (low functioning) your partner needs to be able to cover you with behaviours that support you instead of also succumbing to your level and leaving you both in low functioning dynamic. This will require communication and a healthy relationship dynamic so you can support each other no matter what.

I hope these help! xoxoxo

[guiltyidealist]

"I'm sorry I vented and took up your time with my bullshit" ❌

feeds abandonment fears, implies having needs and being helped with them are wrong, makes it all about you

"Thank you for being patient with me through that, I appreciate that you took the time" ✅

shows your gratitude, affirms your affinity, no "using up" anybody's effort, makes it about you both as equals

"I'm sorry I dumped without checking consent first. I need to act respectfully and ask for your permission before I vent" ✅

"I'm sorry I said x, that was inappropriate of me to put on you" ✅

"Was it okay when I said x the way I did?" ✅

"Would you like to place a boundary around that?" ✅

"What could I do/say instead that's healthier for us both?" ✅

correct an actual wrong, seize due accountability, consider their rights as much as yours, make amends, work to correct missteps going forward

[johnnyiscaged]

something that has helped me disconnect from codependancy is realizing that married couples arent always together. they live together and spent time together but a lot of the time they just arent together but they still love eachother. they dont need to sleep in the same bed they dont need to constantly show eachother affection they can just coexist and still love eachother unconditionally. love isnt sacrificing every moment for someone, its having your life made better by their existence while you live

[mybrainhurtsow]

Shrinking

I am done making myself smaller, both mentally and physically, in order to be more palatable to others. I deserve to be accepted for who I am, not for who I’m pretending to be. I’m done shrinking. I am as I am.

[janeacular]

I am normal and can be trusted with complex characters and depictions of morally grey relationships.

[4ngel-f4ngzz]

i wish i hugged you a little tighter and i wish i kissed you longer.

[lunaprincipessa]

ENTRY 430

Hey Tumblr! I thought this info was interesting and wanted to share. More thoughts later.

Codependency

Codependency is defined as the excessive emotional and/or psychological reliance on someone. It is more likely to occur if the person in question is an addict, or if he or she has an illness of some sort.

Codependency is characterized by a person belonging to a dysfunctional, one-sided relationship where one person relies on the other for meeting nearly all of their emotional needs. It also describes a relationship that enables another person to maintain their irresponsible, addictive, or underachieving behavior.

How to Know if You're Really in a Codependent Relationship

(1.) Are you unable to find satisfaction in your life outside of a specific person?

(2.) Do you recognize unhealthy behaviors in your partner but stay with them anyway?

(3.) Is the relationship maintained at the cost of your own mental, emotional, and physical health?

Symptoms of Codependency

(1.) Low Self-Esteem

Feeling that you're not good enough or comparing yourself to others. Feeling unlovable and inadequate. Hidden feelings of guilt and/or shame. Using perfectionism as a coping mechanism, because when everything is "perfect," you don't feel bad about yourself.

(2.) People-Pleasing

Not having a choice in helping someone else because saying "no" causes anxiety. They go out of their way and sacrifice their own needs to accommodate other people. They care for others while neglecting themselves, often causing exhaustion and even resentment. There's also the worry or fear that not helping someone will either offend them, or hurt their feelings.

(3.) Poor Boundaries

Boundaries are an imaginary line between you and others. It divides up what's yours and somebody else's, and that applies not only to your body, money, and belongings, but also to your feelings, thoughts, and needs. Codependents tend to feel responsible for other people's feelings and problems or blame their own on someone else. Codependents can often have rigid boundaries as well, meaning they are closed off and withdrawn.

(4.) Reactivity

A consequence of poor boundaries is that you react to everyone's thoughts and feelings. With boundaries, you'd realize it was just their opinion and not a reflection of you and not feel threatened by disagreements.

(5.) Caretaking

Another effect of poor boundaries is that if someone else has a problem, you want to help them to the point that you give up on yourself. They keep trying to help and fix the other person, even when that person clearly isn't taking their advice.

(6.) Control

Control helps codependents feel safe and secure. For codependents, control limits their ability to take risks and share their feelings. Sometimes they have an addiction that either helps them loosen up, like alcoholism, or helps them hold their feelings down, like workaholism, so that they don't feel out of control. Codependents also have the potential to be controlling themselves, either in general or through their caretaking or people-pleasing. They can feel a need to utilize manipulation when they "need" the people around them to behave in a certain way.

(7.) Dysfunctional Communication

Codependents have trouble when it comes to communicating their thoughts, feelings, and needs. Sometimes, you know, but you won't own up to your truth. You're afraid to be truthful, because you don't want to upset someone else. Instead of saying, "I don't like that," you might pretend that it's okay. Communication becomes dishonest and confusing when you try to manipulate the other person out of fear.

(8.) Obsessions

Codependents have a tendency to spend their time thinking about other people or relationships. This is caused by their dependency and their anxiousness. Their fears play a role as well. They can also become obsessed when they think they've made or might make a mistake.

(9.) Denial

One of the problems people face in getting help for codependency is that they're in denial about it, meaning that they don't face their problems. Usually, they think the problem is someone else or the situation. They either keep complaining or trying to fix the other person, or go from one relationship or job to another and never own up the fact that they have a problem. Codependents also deny their feelings and needs. Often, they don't know what they're feeling and are instead focused on what others are feeling. The same thing goes for their needs. They pay attention to other people's needs and not their own. They might be in denial of their need for space and autonomy. Although some codependents seem needy, others act like they're self-sufficient when it comes to needing help. They won't reach out and have trouble receiving. They are in denial of their vulnerability and need for love and intimacy. They may lapse into fantasy to avoid pain by imagining things differently. This ultimately keeps them in their denial state.

(10.) Problems with Intimacy

By this, it is not in reference to sex, although sexual dysfunction often is a reflection of an intimacy problem. This is more in reference to being open and close with someone in an intimate relationship. Because of the shame and weak boundaries, a codependent might fear that they'll be judged, rejected, or left. On the other hand, they may fear being smothered in a relationship and losing their autonomy. They might deny their need for closeness and feel that their partner wants too much of their time; their partner complains that they're unavailable, but he or she is denying his or her need for separateness.

(11.) Painful Emotions

Codependency creates stress and leads to painful emotions. Shame and low self-esteem create anxiety and fear about being judged, rejected, abandoned, making mistakes, being a failure, feeling trapped by being close, or being alone. The other symptoms lead to feelings of anger and resentment, depression, hopelessness, and despair. When the feelings are too much, a codependent can feel numb.

(12.) Dependency

Codependents need other people to like them to feel okay about themselves. They're afraid of being rejected or abandoned, even if they can function on their own. Others may always need to be in a relationship because they feel depressed or lonely when they're by themselves for too long. This trait makes it hard for them to end a relationship, even when the relationship is painful and/or abusive. They often end up feeling trapped.