#nor am i going to explain
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Everything is very horrible today in an autistic meltdown kinda way so either I'll pop off and draw a lot or lay face down in bed doing nothing for several hours we'll just have to see
#the worst thing is its not just any one thing#its a build up of terrible terrible terrible#and when i do fibally get set off it seems like its over smthn really fuckinf stupid#RAGHHH#i will explain actually cause most of it woild piss anyone off#my whole family is off of school/work today except me#my siblings went to the movies#i had to go to work and work was fuxking SLAMMED#so i had a pretty shitty day already work wise#then i learn like an hour before i leave that i have to pick up my siblings#in the rain#in the dark#and also two othee peoplw are gonna be there so my car will be litetally full#and its in the busiest part of town#AND i have to pick up dinner beforehand#so that combined with evweything elae aboit today was already upsettint#and then the coworker i dont fucking like started fuckung around with smthn#not doing his aork#which is why i dont like him cause he never gets anything done#so that was sort of the last straw ig#anyway my manaher was bejng really nice befoee i left cause i was obviously upsey#but i was like ' listen i am literally about to have a meltdown so i have to go i cant do this rn '#i feel bad about it#but whats worse briefly inconviencing my manager or having a whole fucking meltdown in frojt of everyone#muppets ref ha#anyway#i just wish my parents respected me#even a little bit#cause they sure fucking dont#not me nor my time haha!
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hi sorry to drop this long ass ramble in your inbox but god you and that anon are both so right and the tlts post made me realize something
so i personally don’t mind that much when the looney tunes’ characterizations are off, just bc of how often they seem to change. even in the original shorts it seemed like every director had their own spin on the characters’ personalities, to a point where there’s never really felt like there was one “correct” way for them to be, at least to me. but they’ve always been funny is the thing. even when i don’t care much for an interpretation of them, if the show has strong enough writing it’ll still make me laugh! gonna be honest, i really don’t like TLTS Bugs a lot of the time, but he’s still funny! I think about the bit where he gets addicted to energy drinks and punches a hole in the wall for no reason at least once a week!
but then we get into the thing you mentioned about fandom-ification, and THAT is what ends up bugging me. when we get into the same tired incorrect quotes and snowclone memes and “bugs is gone so i’m gonna cut off all the sleeves on my shirts bc he’s 80% of my impulse control blah blah blah STOP ITTT!! it’s not funny anymore and that’s like the most important thing the looney tunes have to be!! i love TLTS but oh my god it’s so clear a lot of people have never engaged with any other LT media and they just want archetypes to project the same years old fandom tropes onto. if you make the looney tunes unfunny you have failed, go watch a roadrunner cartoon and write me a paper on what you’ve learned about visual gags /j. This is also kind of the same reason i don’t like space jam 2 or a lot of the 90s stuff that does the “heh.. in case you didn’t know, we’re the looney tunes, and yeah. we’re pretty wacky” thing. if you have to tell me how looney you are i don’t believe you.
sorry again for length i had a lot to say abt this dhsjdjd
MY FRIEND you are sending this to the long ass ramble BLOG!! IT’S MORE THAN WELCOME! especially because i um. kind of exploded in this oops. you are not the long rambler here
and before i get into this too deeply, i just wanna say THANK YOU—both for you sending this and the receptiveness of these Hot Takes. it’s hard for me to put my usual positive spin on this subject because my opinions are so strong, and i’ve ended up annoying a lot of people over this in the past and so i just end up kinda grinning and bearing it.. plus it’s not conductive to my time, spiraling over what i don’t like does no good.. but i do feel so strongly about this because it’s tied to what i do love and. just. YEAH. we all know this. but i still feel the need to apologize because i hate coming off as gatekeepy or like a know it all, it’s not my intent or belief at all. so i’m grateful for you guys giving me the chance to rant and knowing that i’m not alone, because very often i feel that’s not the case :’)
I AGREE WITH THIS.. and thank you for reminding me, i probably should clarify that, again, LT has no canon. these guys are always changing characterization and context. we have shorts where Daffy is miserable and calling Bugs despicable and getting his beak shot off, and in the same release year we’ll have a short where the cartoon ends out on him going HOOHOO HOOHOO and he’s the one with the relatively calm disposition. these characters are always changing! there is no canon! and so i guess when i say i don’t think TLTS is “in character”, i moreso am saying “TLTS doesn’t preserve the integrity of the characters in my eyes”. i’ll get into this in a bit
therein lies the rub. there are persistent character traits regardless of director, but there are so many different shades of character. and modern adaptations don’t have this benefit! because the directors who made these guys are dead, but because modern adaptations don’t have the same sort of flexibility in structure. and i very much think it’s possible to make an “amalgam” of a personality for these guys—i do it all the time! you can borrow elements from multiple different directors and shades of these characters. but the TLTS characterizations are the TLTS characterizations, and i think this makes people think that this is how THE characters act, period. because it’s all they know, and because i think the admittedly convoluted existence of these characters can be hard to understand… at first. i’m losing my words on this, but hopefully that makes sense? i think that’s a very big part of this “condensation” of these characters found in TLTS. and, again, that’s compensated for in the writing by replacing many unique traits these guys have with stock sitcom tropes. and most people don’t know these characters well enough to identify any differently. it’s this caricature-within-a-caricature homogenization, and when you say that these characters weren’t intended to be like that, you’re seen as a blow hard or a pretentious know it all. but yes, please tell us about how “um, actually, Daffy’s neck ring is made of diamonds” when speaking about Daffy as a whole/all LT media as a whole. or how um, actually, these characters are actors (i’m more sympathetic to this one, it’s a common angle for these characters and more modern stuff like Back in Action doesn’t do much in clearing this “misinformation”. but i don’t think people realize that they’re actors only in the shorts where they’re established as actors—it’s just a funny way for the directors to “explain” the meta elements of the shorts, running with the joke of “wouldn’t it be funny if these guys were ACTUALLY actors”? it should only be assumed that they’re actors in the shorts where they say they are. it’s a set dressing. Daffy Duck is Daffy Duck. not Daffy Duck, actor. Porky pulling out a script in Porky’s Duck Hunt does not mean that every single short that has him in it means he’s an actor. it’s just a silly gag. sorry this is irrelevant and more innocent of a misunderstanding, but thats always been something i find myself explaining too and people getting weirdly defensive about)
ANYWAY, getting back to relevancy. i agree with you!! there is a lot about the show's writing that IS funny! again, i should reiterate that i LOVED this show! i've seen every episode a minimum of 3 times, there are still things that make me smirk, i once skipped class to watch episodes in the college library lol. i'm very well acquainted with the show because i was once a fan, and it has made me laugh. but anything i have laughed at is purely divorced of the characters. i would laugh probably more if this were a show that had entirely original characters instead, and i wish it did because it would be one of my favorite shows in that case.
but that's The Thing. it's tied to these legacy characters and does them so. dirty. i always rant about Porky because i think they did him worst, and he's already had such a volatile legacy as is, but i'm ranting about his portrayal again because i think it's just the best encapsulation of my issues with this show. here is my every issue with TLTS summed up in one image:
THIS SHOULD NOT BE A VIDEO THAT EXISTS!!!!! IT LITERALLY GOES AGAINST HIS CORE CHARACTER! I!!!! AHHHH!! i know i sound insane ranting about this because it's Looney Tunes. it's fucking Looney Tunes. but the original directors distinctly abstained from having Porky be too hurt because he's a sensitive character, and they knew that it was unpleasant to watch him get beat up! or made fun of! when Daffy makes fun of his stutter in Tom Turk and Daffy, there's a long pause where Porky just blinks and stares at him and doesn't react, before continuing on with his day. because that puts the blame back on Daffy. the joke isn't "lol Porky stutters", the joke is "lol Daffy is a complete asshole here". and there's no "lol Daffy is a complete asshole here, but we love him, right?" like there is so much of with TLTS. i don't know, they have Daffy act horrifically towards him in TLTS, and i know it's not saying "let's all be like Daffy" BUT PORKY GETS NO.. COMEUPPANCE.. OR ANYTHING. there's no "checking in" or "revising" on Porky's part to show that it didn't affect him. or, a lot of times, the originals will have PORKY be the instigator, and that justifies Daffy's retaliation against him! and, again, in the case where this isn't true, where Daffy is just beating up on him for no good reason (The Ducksters), THE SHORT HAS PORKY GET HIS COMEUPPANCE AND DELIVER THE EXACT SAME TREATMENT TO DAFFY. there is a very carefully curated balance here. because nobody wants to see Porky get beat up. the directors were very conscious of this. Porky in Wackyland has him getting hit on the head with a bunch of bricks, and he starts crying--the remake, Dough for the Do-Do, cuts this out because THEY KNEW THAT WAS UNPLEASANT! EVEN FOR A GAG! i don't really like DftDD, but that's one thing i think they did right.
and THAT'S why i get so mad about the Porky abuse in this show. not only because of how it completely misunderstands the Porky and Daffy dynamic and leading people to make bizarre assumptions about them ("Daffy and Porky are toxic together" 1. it's Looney Tunes 2. no your only understanding of their dynamic is from TLTS which is violently misrepresented 3. IT'S LOONEY TUNES 4. IT'S. LOONEY. TUNES.), but because it just feels like it goes directly against these intentions that the directors had with the character. Porky differs per director, but there are still some resounding rules in place
and it just comes off as accidental resentment for the character. i don't think it's on purpose. i know the whole thing is "but Porky's actually nice, he doesn't deserve this" BUT IT DOESN'T COMMUNICATE THAT EFFECTIVELY. your fat jokes about Porky being fat--WHEN HE'S THE SKINNIEST HE'S EVER BEEN--AND HIM TAKING OFFENSE TO IT, WHICH, AGAIN, SHOULD NOT EVER HAPPEN, EVER, ARE!!!!! I. I JUST LOST MY WORDING I'M SO MAD!!! BUT YOU SEE WHAT I MEAN!!!! making an entire song about how Porky is a lonely loser incel shut-in and will never get a date isn't on his side or pitying him. and it's literally just mean for the sake of meanness.
youtube
i always feel silly complaining that TLTS is meanspirited, because so are the shorts. this is why we love the shorts. LT is filled with assholes and cynics and characters of every shade of derangement. the shorts are mean. i love Bob McKimson's shorts and they're some of the meanest around. i love them because they're mean. one of my favorite Porky shorts ends with him killing himself and it being played with extreme cynicism. i'm not at all opposed to cynicism or meanness, but that cynicism or meanness in the originals is never at the expense of the actual integrity of the characters. there's a baseline of respect, i guess. the mean-ness in TLTS just comes off to me as putting down the intent of the original characters, and it comes off to me as accidentally disrespecting the vision these directors had for these characters. i again don't think it was on purpose. but you can see how that becomes a chain reaction in fandom circles of fans misrepresenting even what they're watching on TLTS (i've since been told that there are some people out there who say they've gotten into LT, and by that i mean watching those godawful YouTube tumblr-brained compilations that clip things out of context and nothing else. sorry i'm being incredibly mean right now but i just. agh. sorry). and there's just this convoluted chain reaction that ends up feeding into this feeling of disdain for the originals, even if it's unintentional
"Porky would be a more popular character if he wasn't the brunt of so many fat jokes and, in spite of shows like TLTS trying to play it off as irony, it's sort of absorbed by osmosis and subconsciously absorbed into a lot of peoples' opinions about him. the same applies to the stutter jokes through the years" is unfortunately a real opinion i have and got mocked for lol. which, to be fair, there is a lot to mock, it's FUCKING LOONEY TUNES, but it's coming from similarly pedantic people who try to play off their knowledge as gospel and will call you a gatekeeper for saying that that's not representative of the character
ugh sorry im getting on a whole 'nother rant but. like. WHERE'S THE JOKE. WHAT'S THE JOKE HERE. "the joke is that Daffy was wrong the whole time, it's a misunderstanding" OKAY BUT HAVING PORKY TAKE GREAT OFFENSE TO THIS AND NOT EVEN IN AN INDIGNANT WAY, BUT JUST A SAD WAY, MAKES THIS SO UNPLEASANT HOW IS THIS FUNNY. WHERE IS THE FUNNY. "it's funny because he was wrong" BUT THAT STILL DOESN'T MAKE UP FOR THE FACT THAT WE'RE JUST SUPPOSED TO LAUGH AT THIS? "well it's supposed to be meanspirited and Daffy is the asshole" OK BUT THIS IS JUST UNNECESSARILY CRUEL? and THIS IS MY FAVORITE EPISODE OF THE SERIESSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!! AAAAHHhhh. AND HE'S NOT EVEN FAT HE IS STARVING GIVE MY MAN A SANDWICH
and again i keep saying it but there's this weird phenomenon of "well, the originals made fun of Porky's weight!" Daffy saying "oh well, i'll be [the bigger person]...........goodnight, fatboy!", demonstrating how he's NOT BEING THE BIGGER PERSON AT ALL and is being an immature little shit is SO much more different than this or talking about how Porky needs to lose weight because he has so much face or whatever. not that it makes the fat jokes in the originals better, they're very much there, but at least it feels like there's some sort of weird, twisted endearment behind them. Daffy calling Porky an "overstuffed cherub" is much different than characters telling him straight to his face that he needs to lose weight. and this is not an issue just with TLTS, it's incredibly common all through the past 30 years of LT content, even LTC has a "lol Porky's lying about what he actually ate because he's fat" joke that gets me :/ because the originals never! did! that! and i just. iunno. complete misunderstanding of the originals
and i want to say again that, in spite of all this, i don't think the originals are the end all be all. i don't think you have to see all 1000 LT shorts to be a fan. if you're just in it for TLTS? THAT'S AWESOME! enjoy it! but my issue comes from people acting like these things are FACT and SAYING these are FACT, and will go out of their way to say "don't correct me because i didn't watch some old ass short" or will accuse you of being uppity and "sophisticated" just because you're saying "that's not how this was intended". my issue is that people will "fansplain" (i hate that term im so sorry i know i sound like such a pompous elitist but it gets the point across quickly) these things to me and insist that these misrepresentations are cold hard fact (like, again, Daffy's neck ring), and then they get mad at you for trying to correct them. and it's not like i think people are stupid for not knowing these things!! but there's been such a violent pushback against educating yourself ABOUT FUCKING LOONEY TUNES GUYS IT'S LOONEY TUNES!!!!!! that has really just... ?????? i swear i've never been in a fandom that takes such pleasure in bragging about its refusal to educate itself than i have in the LT fandom. and yall. i have a very unfortunate track record of having been young on the internet and being in fandoms i should not have been. eyeballing the 10 or so of you who followed this blog from 2016-2018. hi.
god i'm getting off on so many different tangents i am so sorry anon i'm just 😭. in response to the fandomification thing/extension of that, i'm not even AGAINST the fandomification of things... IF THEY'RE DONE RIGHT. i've been a part of it and know it firsthand (hi guys you know how you are👋)! write that fic draw that fanfic have fun do what you want, etc. but it's so clear that the CONSUMPTION of these characters is purely FOR a fandom lens, when, preferably, it's the other way around. characters first, then add what you wanna do on top! but it's always the other way around, these characters are fit into the most stock and milquetoast tropes and it becomes a breeding ground of misrepresentation and turns into a domino effect of people yelling at you for disagreeing with their points that they play off as fact. life is short do what you want HAVE FUN FOR YOURSELF FIRST AND FOREMOST. i've been teaching myself this again. you don't have to have The Official LT Guidebook to draw or write what you want. but there is very much a fundamental issue of people viewing these characters with a Fandomification Lens first and foremost and using that to base their entire perception of the character and acting like that is how these characters were intended to behave, and that you're a pompous gatekeeping asshole for saying otherwise
i'm not saying you can't make your ooc posts, i'm not saying you can't ship things, i'm not saying you can't write or watch or surround yourself in what appeals to you. but i am saying that i take issue with the frequent ego problems i've run into this fandom. THE LT FANDOM. IT'S LOONEY TUNES!!!! i take issue with the ego problems i run into that are based purely on misinformation, and the borderline pride people get out of refusing to budge from it. there's so much proud ignorance and i just. iunno. me getting offended on behalf of a bunch of dead 110 year old men who have offended me on multiple occasions with some of their cartoons doesn't do anything very productive either, but. "Anti-Intellectualism and The Looney Tunes Fandom: An Essay". <- that's it that's the tweet because it made me laugh because of how insane it sounds, but i can't say it's not the point i'm trying to make
i also agree wholeheartedly with the 90s thing too. ugh. these characters and these directors and this franchise has been done so dirty over and over again
thank you so much for giving me a chance to rant i am so sorry for how whiny and obnoxious i've surely been i've just hit my limit 🙃 so many problems could be solved by watching a Daffy Duck cartoon instead (a real one that does his character justice) (just kidding) (kind of) (a little bit) (hypothetically)
how it feels
#and the thing is that i am more than happy to reason and discuss these things and explain my reasoning with people but i never get the#opportunity to!#AUGHHHHHHH#anonymous#asks#also it's funny how the people i've had a problem with in this regard have also migrated or come from that same fandom i allude to above#and were the same types of people calling me slurs and death threats when i was 15#which to be fair i should not have been getting into arguments nor the arguments that i was getting in then but its just like. Lol#like a moth to a flame#gonna go my bus. a
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"I'm really glad you both we're willing to actually sit down with me this evening."
"What do you want" -unanimously
"chuckle Well, it's been quite a while that Shadow has been here, I suppose I might've just wanted a review on how it's been whilst you're both present."
"They're a sack of shit. :)"
"And he's a bucket of balls. :D"
"Take that as quite well then? ^^"
"We've been working on this thing--"
"Do I want that to be public knowledge yet--"
"If you're worried I'll share, I assure you I won't tell a soul."
"You know exactly what I'll do to ya if you lie to me again."
"Of course. :)"
"Cool awesome-- Yes I've been working on this thing, Milky here doesn't like going outside too much, even though he's almost certainly regained all of his powers, sitting around with the two of us is where he's most comfortable."
"Your flattering descriptions could use some work."
"Sooo I'm working on a new wafflebot for Mr Milkman here-- Lemme-- go get it--"
"If you dare call me Milkman man you will not see the light again."
"I will not then, Shadow. If I may be curious though, why does Crepe get to say it?"
"Because they haven't crumbled my poor jelly heart into paste before."
"Is the souljam still on your mind?"
"Of course it is--!... I may have realized though, out of all possible options, I didn't get the worst half of a cookie to hold onto it for now, whilst I seize the opportunity another day."
"Of course. :p Is Hollyberry the worst?"
"Fuck her! Yowch, how does Sugar manage--"
Laughter
"Got him! This guy right here, my Blueberry Wafflebot, designed to be remote controlled from anywhere and everywhere--"
"--So that you can explore the world without leaving the kingdom?"
"I wouldn't call it exploring, there's nothing out there I would want to find-"
"^^"
"-but it does mean I don't have to put in as much effort whenever any of you pesky buggers thinks the Beast of Lies can get them out of their magic homework without payment."
"And here I thought the Beast of Lies liked putting on a show every chance they got?"
"Well, the Beast of Lies also needs time to write the story, very little of my plays are improv you know. A good lie requires thought and planning to write a cohesive, believable plot! Improv may have the chance to be entertaining, and does have it's appropriate uses in the telling of a lie, but it ends up with so many holes and errors after just a few moments if you're not careful. I don't like to rely on it if I can afford to spend time on my craft."
"I see, is Blueberry then going to be the one acting on stage then once your next concoction is finished?"
"Perhaps in my redemption arc I caused our dear Vanilly to fall into villainy-- How could you say something so cruel to my face?!"
#waffled au#crk#shadow milk cookie#cookie run kingdom#pure vanilla cookie#shadownilla#not explicitly ship#strawberry crepe cookie#it doesn't help that I'm not a great liar is it#though i am 100% explaining his willingness to be earnest specifically because he's in private#he would never say any of these words if even the suspicion of anyone else was around existed#also in case anyone wants to be offended on behalf of her#i think holly would've found that sentiment hilarious as well and laugh along#nor do i think PV thinks so little of his friends that he has to defend them at every chance#they're hundreds of years old Mr lawyer they're going to be fine having light jabs being poked at them
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“hey so we’re gonna need you to focus up and pay attention and not talk for 3 hours straight. and no you can’t look at your phone or ask brief questions or think out loud and 98% of what will be said won’t apply to you.”
“also i know you have adhd and that you said your adderall wore off but so do i. you just have to learn.”
do you seriously think i am capable of that. what if i blew you up with a cool wizard beam attack? what if the beam was purple.
#this is NOT a threat aimed at anyone specifically AT ALL#i will not commit violence NOR WILL I CONDONE IT#but honestly i’m so fucking TIRED of being told to ‘just pay attention’ and ‘work harder on focusing’#i have a fucking DISORDER WHERE MY BRAIN DOES NOT FUCKING WORK CORRECTLY#well i have adhd too. everyone does.#okay? what type then? you on adderall? how many jobs did you lose because of it?#how many times have you almost had to deal with legal issues because of it? how many times did you almost fail college because of it?#i’m tired of ableism by people that ‘have adhd too’#you know good and goddamn well we aren’t all the same and severity and symptoms differ from person to person#honestly this is about a hobby that i love doing that i’m now considering quitting#i’m not the only victim to the overall ableism BUT#refusal to accommodate and demanding compliance in a space that’s supposed to be accepting#yeah no. i can’t sit for 4 fucking hours off adderal and do nothing#and it’s like i do do something for a cumulative 1 hour of that time#i am seriously considering quitting and it breaks my heart#adhd#ableism#i don’t want to but i also don’t want to deal with ableism everything i do something non neurotypical that people have decided is#‘distracting’#i’m making quiet comments under my breath not to anyone next to or near me#and i’m not really willing to go through the process of trying to explain this shit to ableists who claim having the same disorder makes#our experiences and disability levels the same#i’ve had to fight this shit my whole life. i do this hobby because it’s fun#it’s not fun if you’re gonna tell me to sit and do nothing for 4 hours and get mad when i stop paying attention#or if i ask questions or talk to myself.#i’m so fucking tired of this shit.#my grown adult ass is now at the point where i do whatever the fuck i want forever#and sitting around for 3 cumulative hours is not what i fucking want to do
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#neither here nor there#letters to emily#sometimes i need to remember to just shut up.#i am not an interesting person to anyone but myself i fear.#living testimony to the idea that the concepts “i am utterly unique” and “i have never had an original experience” can coexist#you see? melodrama. fascinating to capture in words like snatching a spark from the air in my bare hand#(hurts- but oh! what a feat!)#but mediocre and boring to anyone not witness to whatever's going on inside my head.#(swap between something approaching poeticism and your mundane words. contrast offers some interest)#(some interest but not enough to make up for the fact it's YOU speaking)#(i cannot explain my interests because no matter how objectively enthralling they are--#--nothing can make up for the fact that they interested ME. and i could never be caught up in something interesting.)#whatever. remind me i can think. remind me i'm faking it from the bottom of my uninteresting little thoughtpatterns.#none of it's inedible. i'm a coward.#i can move from my spot start laundry do chores. i'm just an unmotivated person. how pathetic.#almost envious of those doomed by the narrative because they have an excuse i don't.#whatever. i call myself a fool but the consequences have always been obvious.#solution: i'll text my best friend. pretend someone thinks i'm worthy of attention.
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don't get me wrong i will try to answer all questions about my art but i kinda don't really like explaining every tiny little aspect of my style piece by piece............ i'm not trying to gatekeep or anything but i personally don't think there *is* anything to gatekeep 😭 my artstyle isn't really a formula or anything, it's just the way i draw. you can study it and ask questions about it if you want but the deep intricacies of how i draw legs or whatever doesn't really seem helpful in my eyes
#DO NOY GET ME WRONG. I AM NOT GOING TO STOP ANSWERING QUESTIONS ABOUT MY ART#NOR AM I MAD OR ANNOYED AT THE PEOPLE WHO ASK ME QUESTIONS#but personally i think explaining every aspect of my style (save for stuff like color etc) would be limiting#because i hardly follow my own “rules” as is#when it comes to taking inspiration from others for me the best way to learn was to 1. stare at the art for hours and 2. trace#i guess this is also advice - but tracing is way more useful than having the style choice explained to you in my eyes#because you literally copy the artist's process to a full extent#like theory vs practice ig#sorry
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Drowning.
Trying.
Grieving.
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Practicing my portraiture; albeit through unconventional means.
#me trying to share my taste in music again and the sky is blue no one is surprised nor seated#three portraits; three titles; they go down the line belonging to who you'd expect#also me trying to uh. hint hint at some deeper character traits for them all. wink. you know who you are mwah I hope you enjoy#and to that same person YES. yes August's picture is from the scene we're on now. I was inspired alright what can I say#ENOUGH YAP adios ciao adieu adeus salaam antio khodahafez etc et cetera#ocs#ophelia yildiz#august aigner#samuel al-abbasi#morelikesin#my art#don't steal#finished#digital art#original#really late tag but bc their music tastes can be pretty rigid the music might be a bit of a stretch as far as relating to the portaits go#I tried my best aight I could've added any songs I wanted but I want to stay true to these characters. I decided that choosing songs-#-they'd actually be into fit the bill here. I am explaining this to no one but I feel better clearing it up anyway it's a bad habit a mine#kindar murder king#so seductive kero one#st. james infirmary blues cab calloway
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Mummy ne phone me shirtless ladko ki photos dekh li aur bestie ke sath insta ke chats bhi
#im not supposed to have pics of shirtless men in my phone#nor am i supposed to have instagram#nor am i supposed to be pretending to be a creepy guy to see if my bffs bf cares abt her#nor am i supposed to be making said bf jealous#nor am i supposed to be uttering bad words when all ive said in the chats is Madarchod Bhenchod Iski Ma ka ****** iski bhen ki ****#how... how am i going to explain this#i am well and truly fucked people
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for the record, literally all lime does with their time is watch mcyt (and post on tumblr i guess). and now im here, and i am not inclined to do that, so i have nothing to do but program. how do they live like this.
#- e#seriously how does one spent all of their time watching youtube#also this is my indirect way of explaining why this tumblr account has been quieter for the past couple of days#bcs i am not lime nor sea and theyre usually the ones that post#been keeping evil confessions blog queue up though! i think. im gonna go check on that lol
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I've been watching/reading Death Note every once in a while for the last couple of months and this is the funniest most unserious serious anime ever.
#mani.txt#death note#i'm gonna take a chip... and EAT IT !!!!#it's so funny. i hate this show. < is obsessed#i dont often watch anime so i forget how campy it can get but oh my god#i'm still recovering after ep 16 & 17. that spun me. shook me to my core. i went a bit insane. like how. why. HOW.#how did all the charas go back to normal after that. this is not plot armor this is trauma armor.#how is misa okay.#How is light's rship w his dad unaffected.#how was there only ONE fist fight over this. and a WHILE after the fact. what. am I just weird for thinking this. i feel crayzoi.#i genuinely can't explain how much i want to throttle each and every one of these characters.#save for ryuk n rem n sayu n naomi. they're amazing wonderful fantastic#and light. but i need to throttle him too.#when i tell you naomi should've lived......... when i tell you she should've been L's friend......... [takes damage takes damage takes da ]#also. i love how neither L nor Light know how to be normal. ever. insane4insane. (doesnt even ship them)#+ after reading thru the manga i'm a 'the only person Light truly cares for is Sayu' truther. this will never change.#in conclusion: this show says so little about criminal justice and so much about the adverse effect of being the son of a cop.#it's a product of it's time. whatever. (death gripping my chair)
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Jared won HOH
#fuck#I NEEDED HIM TO BE HUMBLED I HATE THIS SHOW (affectionate)#naurrrr well at least I think América is okay? I think he’ll go for red maybe#I need this man out of the house I can’t deal with them being in jury they STINK#(not you jag nor Cory <3)#the only good thing about this would be for him to get a letter from his girlfriend exposing his ass bb could do something really funny rn#bb25#big brother#on another note I am SO sick of cory and America having to explain big brother on big brother#HOW ARE YOU CASTED ON THIS REALITY SHOW AND NOT KNOW ANYTHING HELLO#LIKE I AM A NERD AND I DONT EXPECT THEM TO KNOW ALL THE TRIVIA AND WHATEVER#BUT NOT KNOWING HOW FINAL 3 WORKS??? NOT KNOWING YOU CANT COMPETE HOH CONSECUTIVELY?? be so seriousssss#I need a season only full of super fans so they can 3d chess everyone#I need there to be an entrance exam for big brother. everyone quizzed and if they don’t get a 98 or higher on bb trivia they are rejected
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I love how most of the books about pcos are about how to lose weight or on how to get pregnant
#pcos#I just want a good book about pcos#this explains actually really good how pcos is seen in our society#can I go on a rant about it please?#I am whether obese nor do I want to get pregnant. and because of that most doctors are like well come back if you want to get pregnant or#you have gained weight#just because I don’t want to get pregnant doesn’t mean I don’t have other symptoms#and oh the men who tell me that that is a modern thing women are IMAGINING#god I hate all about this
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Beginning to really wonder how much of my financial concern is manufactured and handed to me as opposed to something I'm genuinely concerned by
#bc like. i'm getting by just fine. i don't have anything to be reasonably worried about#but also when i was a kid my father would break down my mother's paycheck and basically explain how broke we were#and that May Have Affected Me Somewhat#as well as just. the way you consistently see the advice to just save! don't get takeout! necessities! and i'm not intent on living like#a monk nor am i intent on being on that grindset for financial gain#it's like i don't intrinsically care but i have so many messages given to me about how i need to care a lot and it puts me in a weird spot#i am simultaneously standing still and moving at mach speeds#i mean right now i just need a safety net while in between jobs; after that i need to save up to move out of state bc the uh#political situation and upcoming presidential election don't seem very sustainable for someone like me anymore#they weren't to begin with but i don't wanna stick around to see how bad it's gonna get#but it's like. okay and then what? save for what? going back to school i guess? idk#i feel like i keep asking myself what i'm trying to accomplish and keep trying to force myself to have answers#here and now when i have to be okay with taking things one step at a time instead of having everything here and now#it's simultaneously fine and terrible and i am holding two conflicting yet equal truths#i feel i may have a clearer head once i leave my current job. i'm trying to look but nothing feels appealing given how#burnt out i already feel. i dread going back into my workplace and i fear it's showing to the patients and i don't want that#i want a month off to rediscover who i am as a person outside of getting yelled at in retail and then pick something back up#could be feasible. genuinely could be. i need to sort out the health insurance aspect but. that's lowkey the plan?#to construct a financial safety net and then slam on the breaks for a while; see if i can strike up a deal with the staff about me#coming in for specific tasks bc we already know i'm quick and efficient with the inventory so i do have a little leverage#you know what. this is getting some of it off my chest and i'm starting to feel confident again lmao#i won't be doing weekends starting either next week or the week after so that's a start! i just think i want everything done right now#bc i'm afraid i won't have the chance again but i will. i definitely will#i just need to let myself get to that point; it's just the immense drain from the register work and the Everything that comes with retail#also having to accept that it's okay to leave this; there's not something wrong with me like. ''not being able to handle it'' or w/e#no mindfulness or detachment could've saved me; it was shit and i'm hitting the bricks and that's all there is to it#i've been thinking a lot about it all lately bc it's what's most prominent in my life rn of course#idk. pondering. introspecting. as i am wont to do#anyways if you've read all this you're a real mvp and i am kissing you on the hand#shai speaks
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I think whatever I end up doing the lesson is at its core "you need to stop seeing all attempts at saying you experience something as you taking up too much space and being dangerous, and you also need to understand everyone always makes mistakes sometimes (nothing anyone thinks is fully right) and you're not lesser and amateur at channelling because you aren't fully right, and also some third thing he says there is but idk what it is"
#Bc I don't want to be an authority anyway I just want to have fun embodying my role as a channeller of his like....#And IDK I think at some point I need to understand that cycles of abuse happen when people think they're owed something and that others#deserve to go through what they went through. But I.... Am so against continuing the cult cycle that I sit here making light of#my life's work and not respecting is at all on the off chance it might negatively impact anyone in any way bc negative impact on my mind is#just immediately equalled to Cult Activity in my head. But like. Bruh. I don't even like interacting w people that much and I have the#Schizotypal Thing of not having an impulse to make new friends let alone a fuckin cult#Anyway. I need to stop catastrophising ''it would be nice to make this whole channelling Leviathan into an official thing#and test the limits of channelling and divination and whatnot'' into ''oh my god that's making myself an authority like he said not to do#and also that's just borderline making a cult that's continuing cycles of abuse'' bruh. Me occasionally doing a reading about his opinions#on something for someone else while making sure that someone understands my disclaimers that it's being translated through me/etc#Or something like that. Is not..... Declaring myself an authority on anything nor roping them in to rely on me ESPECIALLY when I always#explain how you SHOULDN'T rely on me as fact bc it's never fact like that's....#Anyway. I should've expected this now that I think about it bc he often works with spiritual consultants for human groups and shit like#And he is endlessly humbling lbfr he always tells people who are worth working with when they're being dumb/etc and I want to be#Worth working with. Anyway. God hello I Need More by Misanthrop. ''I need more I need nothing I need more I need nothing'' yeah exactly#That's already a leviathan song this context is absolutely a mood. There is a MIDDLE GROUND.#Anyway again this is years away but#I'm way too socially anxious to do anything close to the thing like this blog just Existing is already testing all my social buttons but hey#~abyssal murmurs#Diary //
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>dad gets home >immediately shits on me neat
#AvieRants#my dad after a long hard day explaining why I need to sweep first thing in the morning despite the fact that I prefer doing it at night#and nobody is even home until like 6:00 on most days#[he does not give a shit about my personal preference nor any perspective on anything other than his own]#also thanks for the passive aggressive little tidbit about how you dislike me showering at night! I spent like four hours convincing myself#to even go shower . thank you for that#>:T#i am apparently not even allowed to choose when I go on the walks he forces me to go on#he doesn't want me out at certain times or some bs so I have to walk at 2:00. i prefer walking near sunset/when it's dark out.#fuck me ig#uhg#literally spent some time last night so happy like “YIPPEEE HE SPENT TEN MINUTES WITH ME LAST NIGHT :D” and he immediately-#whatever#I can't complain . It's free housing and food - so. whatever.
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I spoke too soon I should have known that was too easy for him I’m so tired I was like hey! I might have found someone interested in subleasing, if they end up not wanting to ill start making posts places but either way, ill need a move in date to advertise and tell people. Do you have any estimates of when you might find a place yet?
And my fucking roommate replies with a bunch of links to apartments like well you could move HERE like fuck you fuck you fuck you jackass this wasn’t what we agreed on and also 90% of the places he sent me were places I already contacted and had no availability/a waitlist/couldn’t sign until august and the other 10% were WAY out of my price range also none of this solves that I don’t want to sign a new fucking lease cuz I want out of this fucking fuck ass city between you and your bf you make almost TRIPLE what I do you will have such an easier time finding a new place and moving plus you wanna stay in this stupid fucking fuck ass city just fucking GET OUT
#i am genuinely starting to hate this dipshit#I get moving sucks!#but also this is all YOUR fault so YOU should get the shittier end of the deal sorry not sorry#also me living on my own means I will go from about 600 dollars of extra income s month#to about 200 to fucking ZERO depending on what the rent is#how about you kill yourself#‘I’m not trying to make this harder for you’#you are actively fucking me over in sooooo many fucking ways dude because you are incapable of considering other human beings#he also has less bills than me?????#like motherfucker doesn’t even have a car payment cuz his mom GAVE him a car be fucking for real#he’s spent his whole life pretty much kinda jusy doing whatever he wants and getting whatever he wants#and it’s reallyyyyyyy starting to fucking show with this situation#GOD#I told him that doesn’t work for me and explained why to him AGAIN#and he has no answered so lol we’ll see#he was also like ‘but you’ll still have to live with someone you don’t know and you didn’t want that 🥺🥺’#like oh my god#yeah in an ideal world! no! I wouldn’t be doing that#but the issue wasn’t literally living with some guy I don’t know#it was being walked all over and treated like shit and not considered#nor was I asked about it lol like now I’m seeking a new roommate I was never doing that when you moved him in so I wasn’t prepared for it#fuck you for all of a sudden acting like you care about what’s ‘best for me’#and that it’s living alone when it quite literally fucking isn’t for so many reasons#you just don’t wanna fucking move and are scrambling now that I’m actually enforcing this#kysssssssssssss#kaz rambles
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