#tw invalidation

[notblue-bandit]

tw childhood trauma

did anyone else with bpd ever get the "you have to stop lying to your friends and telling them that you're $Hing / attempting / suicidal / getting drunk" talk as a kid (multiple times) only for your parents to find out years later that you weren't lying and now have a self harm addiction and diagnosed alcoholism— and tolerance to the pain medication you kept trying to OD on— because they never took you seriously and told your child therapist that you were lying so you never got help orrr? was that just me

( yes i started drinking when i was 14 :•|| [<-- sad clown face] )

[system-comforts]

hi im questioning plurality and scared to ask systems i know irl about experiences and help so im asking for help here (im sorry if ive already sent an ask to this blog bc i /gen dont remember if i did)

okay i think im going to split this up into two sections, one for reasons I think I may be and symptoms, another for reasons why i think I may not.

Reasons I think I may be plural:

I frequently experience bouts of dissociating or just feel generally fuzzy and after i can feel a range of symptoms including: Feeling a new energy with me, confusion on where i am, confusion on who i am, feeling an off feeling, thinking something is wrong with my body or room and more.

I frequently feel multiple energys w/ me w/ different emotions, ages, and general vibes.

I constantly switch between feeling very strongly w/ one belif or gender to the point where it feels like i have always felt like this then not long after sometimes feeling the complete opposite.

I very often feel not incontrol and almost like someone else is in control of the body.

I occasionally say things aloud that i dont think I actually said and it feels like someone else did.

I occasionally think things that i dont think I actually thought and it was like someone else did.

I have occasional laspses in memory.

Reasons I think I'm not plural:

I have 3 irl plural friends so statistically its very unlikely that I am plural too.

I retain almost all memory from when I feel like I am different people.

I feel like I am always there no matter what.

The different energies I feel tend to be very similar to my own and I cant really distinguish between them for the most part.

I feel like I may just be experiencing symptoms of something else and confusing them for plurality.

I feel like I am forcing myself to experience symptoms of plurality.

I don't think the truama i have could have been bad enough for me to be plural (im sorry if there are plural ppl who dont have truama i js dont know much on that topic specifically)

Other things to note:

I have ADHD and Autism (un-medicated)

I have BPD or Bipolar disorder (me and my therapist are still discussing which we think it may be)

I hope someone sees this and could please help me figure out if maybe another disorder is making me experience these things or if those symptoms listed are genuinely symptoms of plurality because I cannot figure out if what I am experiencing is normal or not

also im vvvv sorry if this is a blog that connot help w/ this kind of thing /gen

Hello there. I can tell by the way your organized this ask you've thought a lot about this question! I'll try to answer most of your points and hope my input helps as you continue to evaluate this question.

Your first few points regarding amnesia for where you are, identity confusion regarding your gender, and depersonalization with your body, based on what you've said here, points towards fairly high dissociation. At the very least, looking into dissociative disorders in general might be a good idea for you (and your therapist) to explore. This is especially true if these symptoms cause a lot of distress and hardship in your life.

You also talk about not feeling in control of your body, your actions, and your thoughts. The way you describe these feelings is similar to how we and many other systems might describe it. However, it can also be good to also ask if the "someone else" who did and said these things was you in a heightened emotion or at a different time, or if it was a distinctly different person. Even singlets have a variety of emotions based on different situations. Consider how consistent these actions are, is there a pattern? Does x person mostly tend to react y way to z situation? We've found it helpful to establish patterns when trying to figure out if there's a headmate involved.

Regarding your reasons you may not be plural, there's a few things I want to note. Regarding your plural friends, I wouldn't say it's "statistically unlikely" that you're plural. To truly consider the statistics, you would want to look at total populations, like of a region or country, not just in a friend group. For example, some friend groups will have no one plural, but that doesn't mean plural people don't exist. Friends come together for a variety of reasons, largely for similarities in life experiences and identities. It's possible you've found friends similar to you in some regards, and this might include plurality.

Your next three points about retaining most of your memories, feeling always present, and how these "energies" feel similar to your own also do not entirely rule out plurality. These descriptions could be from a median system, which, on the sliding spectrum of plurality, is a sort of is not quite singlet but not quite as distinct as plural systems and their headmates. It might be helpful to look into median systems as well as possibly fragments as you continue to question if you're plural.

On your final point, I do want to point out that not every system experienced trauma. Some experienced trauma but it didn't cause their plurality, and some, even if they experienced trauma, may not feel it was "enough" to cause plurality. What you say about your trauma is what many other plural people say. Try to put that question aside as you question your plurality, or at least don't dig in too deeply.

Now for your notes. The high number of plural autistics has been frequently discussed in the plural community. Not every autistic is plural of course, nor is every plural, but it makes sense that those with different brains and neuro types would also show and develop other differences like plurality. Regarding your BPD or bipolar disorder, there are also systems with these disorders. So it's not really about being plural or having one of these- both can occur. What's important to consider is how the symptoms align with each disorder. Can your amnesia, dissociation, and these different "energies" be explained by BPD or bipolar disorder? Or is there something else going on in addition to that? I think that question might be helpful as your continue those discussions with your therapist.

I hope this has been helpful to you, and we wish you the best as you continue asking if you're plural!

-mod neptune

[confusedkeyssys]

Guys, especially *cough cough* parents *cough*, please don't this this. It actually hurts. Do not do this to the (possibly) tiny, (definitely) sentient beings you're talking to thanks

[ecos-poetry]

It's scientifically IMPOSSIBLE to be Endogenic or Willogenic or all that other crap!!! thanks <33

what are you thanking me for? my 'oh so beautiful' poetry?

Anyway anyway we actually DO have a syscourse blog for you to hate on, @ecos-syscourse <33

sooo... you can keep that outta here :3

[runelocked]

" please don't spout shit unless you know what you're talking about. " / @reluctaunt

“ NO, NO. YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND, ” William persists, and whether he’s fresh out of college and flung into the future or that possessing, powerful glitch that had infected her, his voice does not change. He’s younger, here, and certainly not a fan of what his future self has done what his older self will do, in years to come but he has to admit, he’s fascinated by it all. How can he not be? Controlling someone else’s body… cheating death… snaring his mind inside a computer virus… It makes him sick to see those hurting from his actions, and yet God, he is so, so curious.

Turns to Vanessa now, uncertain of how to make her see. He understands how she feels. Of course he does. She’s had her entire sense of self violated, ripped from her — and in a way, William tells himself that he has too. Hasn’t he been vilified for the actions of his future self? Hasn’t he suffered exactly like Vanessa has? (You know nothing about what she’s been through, a small part of him snaps, you are not a victim in this place; and yet, he ignores it.) Instead, he stands a little taller, face twisted in something like empathy; gleaming eyes a little too much like the malhare’s, enough that if he could have seen them, William might have reconsidered.

“We’ve both suffered because of his actions, correct? In fact, considering he’s completely stripped away my future, I might say I’ve suffered more.” Winces at how combative it sounds as he exhibits for the first time in the whole conversation! self awareness of his words, and William tries to explain himself. “Which is why I understand you, I mean. Of course I understand. What he did to you was awful. But you’re free now, aren’t you? You can get on with your life freely. Not to say you haven’t been through hell—” (He has no idea) “—but… you’re fine now.”

In years to come, he’ll lose a son, and then a daughter, and his entire life will crumble around him because of these two events. William will begin to understand Vanessa then — how a single traumatic event can destroy a lifetime. He won’t understand her enough to stop himself delving into work on remnant, or ruling over death, but for a while, he’ll truly, deeply regret this conversation.

But that’s in his own time. Not here in the future, seventy years out of time and stumbling around uncertainly in the debris of his future self’s destruction. So William looks to Vanessa expectantly; searching for a scrap of camaraderie in her, something that shows him she feels sorry for him.

[everythingwasnormalhere]

There's so much wrong with "everyone is a little bit autistic"

Yes, allistic people might know a lot of facts about the things they like. Yes, allistic people might get a bit overwhelmed or underwhelmed sometimes. Yes, allistic people might not get an expression sometimes, mostly if it's the first time they hear it.

That doesn't make them autistic.

Those traits only make someone autistic when they become disabling. Because, big shock, autism is a disability. Yeah, even if someone is low support needs, because that doesn't mean they don't need any support at all.

Saying "everyone is a little bit autistic" is like saying "everyone struggles with this, so suck it up, you have no right to need help". Which is just pure ableist bullshit. It denies the fact that autistic people have higher support needs than NTs, no matter where in the autistic spectrum they are. We're not "neurospicy", we're disabled, and denying this fact is denying us the right to get the help we need, we deserve, to have a good life.

(yes, this rant is just because I made the awful decision of listening to "neurospicy (interlude)" by Jax. honestly I'd rather be called a slur than listen to that shit again.)

[sweetmmminori]

No, they really ARE that bad for some people! :(

For somebody who calls himself "The Correct Opinion", you sure say lots of stuff that's wrong!

did you just say period cramps aren’t that bad? Have you scrolled through sawakitas account- like- ever?

He's dramatic I wouldn't be surprised if he got whiny over some stomach pain.

[auschizm]

This is plain not true! It might be partly true for a couple low support fully verbal high functioning autistic people, but autism is a genuine developmental disability, and if an autistic person struggles socially it's NOT just because they "aren't trying" and "didn't care to learn." And it's very ableist to imply that

[system-comforts]

If I may vent a little. If you want to respond you may, if you just need to delete this unposted I understand that as well.

The long and short of it, is that because of various anxieties I don't let go of front often. Which makes me feel like a bad person. I don't have enough trauma for my headmates to actually exist and the fact that I was unaware of them until a couple years ago doesn't help. They tell me it was because they were a passive influence but I am also well aware that brains like to make things real even when they aren't if you want them to be real. So did I accidently invent headmates that don't exist? Is questioning their existence further proof that I'm a terrible person? I'm sorry. I was trying to keep this short and I keep going off. I'm confused. Feel bad for being confused and for not letting go of front more often. And then feel bad for feeling bad. I'm sorry.

I hope you're well. All my best, 🐀🌊

Hey there. I understand how it can be a lot to handle when questioning if you have headmates. It's also difficult when you start to consider what trauma if any brought them. Be sure to take care of yourself as you explore about yourself, and be mindful about digging too deep into hurtful memories or feelings.

I want to assure you you're not a bad person for questioning if you're plural or not, even if headmates are communicating with you. Many systems question themselves even years after knowing about each other and/or after being diagnosed. Plurality is by no means normalized or talked about much, so it's understandable to be unsure if what you're experiencing is even possible. You're not a bad person for questioning something that is unfamiliar or out of the ordinary. It's good to be curious about that.

It's alright to be confused as well. Again, considering the lack of information about plurality, it's understandable to be confused! And finally, it's alright to hold on to front a lot. When you have a lot of feelings it can be hard to let go of front. If you still don't understand how your system works, if you don't trust your headmates, if you worry about switching, or if you're just used to or even like fronting, it makes sense you'd stay at front. I want to assure you as well that there are many systems with members who are front stuck. It happens to lots of systems, especially early on as they discover their plurality.

You are doing your best you can with the information you have and your current mental and emotional state. You're doing good given all that's been thrown at you, please know that.

[xvelvetcoffinx]

[sokkabaddiebender2021]

honestly i think it’s so gross how many adults i have seen on this app upset that heartstopper is a show rather mild in its sexual content. it’s a show that’s target audience is young queer people….about young queer people……played by young queer people. the show is not “anti-sex” at all, if you actually watched the show charlie and nick discuss that they WANT to do more, that they want to “go further” some day. charlie has a boat load of trauma (including trauma about having his physical boundaries ignored) however and nick is still processing his sexuality, so why are you pushing for them to be intimate?? i’ve known people who have dated for years and didn’t actually have sex until they were adults and mature enough to do so.

viewing this show as a adult woman i find it honestly disturbing that there is this fixation on the necessity of sexual content including children. because that is who these characters are. children.

the show does not bash sex (uhh the teachers very clearly banged??), it merely advises against forcing yourself to be sexual before you are ready. the queer community has always been demonized as a “hypersexual” group of people, but that is merely a label forced upon us. heartstopper is the one of the only queer pieces of media that defies this expectation, and tells queer kids everywhere that it’s ok to take your time, and that sex is not the end all be all.

[crucispidey]

traumatized more than the average person, not traumatized enough to be dead because of it.

[vannalamba]

it’s always “just fiction, doesn’t matter” when it’s an abusive/toxic relationship and/or sa but it suddenly becomes real when it comes to pronouns

[pr0-dollie]

Cw: talk of trauma + trauma dysphoria + kinda long lol

I did not feel comfortable reblogging this person at all.

- Melody[host]

[Start of screenshot]

[End of screenshot]

︶ִֶָ⏝︶ִֶָ⏝˖ ࣪ ୨ ♰ ୧ ࣪ ˖⏝ִֶָ︶⏝ִֶָ︶

[This is more tri-harmed thing at first but I do bring up, full trans-harmed things like no trauma at all.

Also these feelings I'm talking about is for me and not for everyone]

︶ִֶָ⏝︶ִֶָ⏝˖ ࣪ ୨ ♰ ୧ ࣪ ˖⏝ִֶָ︶⏝ִֶָ︶

I actually want to feel this /srs /gen

I'm already traumatized but it isn't enough? People always and will forever undermine my [cis]trauma, and my [cis]trauma is already unseen or not as important and I've internalized this for so long that words of reassurment doesn't help.

My dysphoria gets to me so bad and if this is the only way to be valid is to live ashamed, uncomfortable, emotionally unstable and with nightmares I would do it, no questions asked, the only way I can be valid if I go through my trans-trauma.

But also identifying as my trans-trauma is kinda euphoric because if not all then most trans things are valid.

Also, not all people's trauma responses is like this, that's stereotypical responses[not saying if you have stereotypical responses you're invalid, you are completely valid <3], there a different responses to trauma.

Also I would feel special if I did go through my trans-trauma.

And then people with absolute NO trauma, maybe not all but I know some of them just want trauma because it's the only way for them to be seen or heard because people make trauma a competition and badges.

So if you actually feel that strongly about this, then let's go to the root issue and stop the glamorization of trauma, stop saying one trauma is worse then the other, stop making people feel special for their trauma, stop blaming people for feeling like they need more trauma as a result of trauma and then already invalid feeling people seeing other people get seen and heard while their unseen especially if they dont have a 'normal/big trauma/'everyone has it''/mainstream trauma, make ALL trauma seen, stop it all <3

But you won't. and you'll continue blaming it on rq's and transx's even though most of the time their trying to cope from society's doings.

And since you and most people won't try to stop or spread awareness to the main root of this all + it's already too far in how society and people see trauma/not normalized/not seen trauma for it to be reversed, transharmed people will always and will continue to use these labels to cope, for fun, and ect.

And you'll continue blaming them when it's not their faults.

[Also reminder not all transharmed's feel this wayz this is just my take on it]

- Melody [host]

︶ִֶָ⏝︶ִֶָ⏝˖ ࣪ ୨ ♰ ୧ ࣪ ˖⏝ִֶָ︶⏝ִֶָ︶

[Off topic/short talk about my tri-harmed-ness]

Also I might just refer all my cis-harmed ids as trans-harmed ids, idk why but it makes me feel better, when I don't refer it as my cis-trauma, makes me feel normal or something, like I said before I have contradictory feeling and in contradictory to myself lol (-ω-｡).

︶ִֶָ⏝︶ִֶָ⏝˖ ࣪ ୨ ♰ ୧ ࣪ ˖⏝ִֶָ︶⏝ִֶָ︶

[hikakaomybeloveds]

*VENT POST*

cw for mentions of cocsa, grooming, and intrusive thoughts (specifically surrounding csa)

note: i am talking about my own incredibly personal trauma here. please do not speculate on what may have happened to me outside of what i say here, and please do not ask invasive questions. thank you

okay. i need to vent rn.

i'm so FUCKING SICK of antis.

i'm so sick of them and their stupid fucking rhetoric around fiction.

i am a survivor of cocsa. i lost my early teenage years to grooming due to the vulnerability caused by that sexual assault. i am proship and a shotacon who ships both shota/shota and non-shota/shota. THEY ARE COPING MECHANISMS. shipping yuu and tsubaki has genuinely *made me feel better and less gross* about being in a relationship with a 17-year-old when i was 12 because i was being groomed. i don't know why. i can't explain it. i just know it helps.

i also have HORRIFIC intrusive thoughts that often involve graphic imagery of me committing csa, specifically against my own siblings. don't feel this needs to be said, as it's kind of in the name, but these thoughts bring me immense distress.

antis will say, with their full chest, that i'm a groomer and pedophile and need to be kept away from children because of the things i ship and the kinds of characters i am attracted to. they will tell me i should not be able to see my own siblings because i'm going to harm them. this is DEEPLY triggering.

i live in fear that one day i will hurt a child. i don't want to. i know that. but i've had intrusive thoughts about it regularly *since the age of 11*. i am so scared that one day i will act on those thoughts. and regularly seeing people call me a child abuser for the way i cope with my own trauma is absolutely not making that any better.

genuinely fuck antis and their moralizing bullshit about the ways fiction affect reality. try this on for size: you are actively triggering a childhood sexual assault and grooming survivor when you call shotacons or proshippers in general pedophiles.

fuck you.

[auschizm]

Maybe it's less about me "not seeming" like I'm mentally ill/neurodivergent, but more about some people being unwilling to re-contextualize their negative judgment of me as the ableism it is