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[anarchiekat]

God plan

“There, quick, turn it. When the smoke comes out,” as I rotate pipe between my finger. Im a novice, an amateur drug abuser. The crystal liquidizes and turns to smoke, as if heaven grew from the rose stem with fury. If God ever created the world, the world grew from this pipe. Ugly, beautiful, and sinful. “Quickly turn it, slowly inhale and don’t burn that shit.” If gold was found in the ghetto,…

[anarchiekat]

Soul

I used to believe that the dead saw more than the living. That somehow, somewhere beyond this life our soul will travel beyond space and time. A dead imprint that danced along the physical world leaving fingerprints on a streak-free glass. An ephemeral life extruded in form: an invisible shadow kept in solace, a silent past overlooked and ignored, the forgotten names that slipped past tasteless…

[anarchiekat]

Aporia

Aporia take my name, lift up and get me down, the underlying social order crumbles underneath your military boots. Hesitant to answer, too brainwashed to question, I toll into the abyss of uncertainty and authoritative insecurities. Take your hand and choke me, take your eyes and make me, scream my name, louder and louder, take me down under.

[anarchiekat]

Ghost

I hate the world for taking you away from me. You died a while back, but your memories still haunt me to this day. I still remember small details, details that even you did not care to admit. I told you multiple times how much I loved you, how much of my heart and soul I would give to you. Yet, you were high, just as high as me. You brushed it off like dust on your shoulder. We lived in a dream…

[anarchiekat]

Yugen

“Yugen,” so I’ve said with two grimace eyes and dry tasteful lips. “Yugen,” you yelled, then stared into my soul and asked, “where do we go when our bodies decay!” “Yugen,” I wonder why, I wonder sometimes, I wonder about everything and nothing at the same time. “Yugen” a Japanese word that describes and triggers deep emotions about you, the universe.

[anarchiekat]

Innocent Talk

“In the word ‘kill’, the only thing that dies is the ego.”- Susan Atkins “Adam, what’s going on with you?” said the therapist with his curious stare. “Well… I have issues, screws loose in my head… I have been angry, pissed-off for the last couple of months… I don’t know how to control them…” staring at his hands, murderous and mischievous. Adam thought, how an evil brewed inside of him, how his…

[anarchiekat]

Crazy Talk

“This McDonald’s feels weird with all the modern amenities… gunshots all around, liquor stores across the street, and pawnshops every other block. Don’t you think so? You might as well clean the neighbourhood, if you are going to place something nice like this into the ghetto. I never understood companies that rebrand themselves without actually rebranding the product they sell. Did you know, I…

[anarchiekat]

Suicidal dreams

It is weird!  Waking up, dreams switched and cut like a film spool, scattered around, thrown out, and discarded into the trash. I see my dreams, I recollect them in my head, observe them frame-by-frame, analyze the Salvidor painting of my dreamscape, and burn them off to the void— sometimes. And sometimes, I hang them up to come back to it; and sometimes, I think about it and flirt with it. The…

[anarchiekat]

Nightmares

Love for the needle! I had a nightmare, I was Using. Again, y’all! Again, fuck it! Needle full, needle against my skin, poke through, poke all the way to the vein, dig through and search for that blood, pump up the plunge, syringes love straight to the heart. All I know is this love. Opium, cocaine, straight ice splashin around my brain.

[anarchiekat]

The letter I hate writing

Dear Britin, It has been awhile. How have you been? I really don’t have the words to express how I feel about your passing. Sometimes, I hope I see your pretty face again, but then again, I don’t know how much that would hurt me or worse yet, hurt you. I know I haven’t been the most supportive, or even the best outcome to your life. However, you really did change my life. I don’t know how much…

[anarchiekat]

Confession

Lord, forgive me for I have sinned. I think at this point in my life, I feel like I took twelve steps back.  “Did I make any progress? Did I get any ‘better’?” I ask myself. “I don’t know.” That’s the answer, I give myself.  “I don’t know.”  That is what hurt the most. In the inner sanctum of my head, where I should feel safe— turned into a bomb shelter. From an answer that I don’t…

[anarchiekat]

R A Y O F S U N S H I N E. #anarchycat #anarchiekat #landscapephotography (at Bedford, Texas) https://www.instagram.com/p/CjvUIGerK5AADpPCUlYWP40TJm4DX91RFkTxlg0/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

[anarchiekat]

Dear Britin,

9/23/21 I fucking miss you! I feel so broken…

[anarchiekat]

Life lessons

Eyes rolled back to the back of my head Trying to see who I am, trying hard, But all I see is an empty shell that used to be— “Miss my friends, but life took them all away?” Smoking words flamed in tears. Smoke clouds all around… ! Smoke clouds rolling by… ! Smoke clouds die… ! “Oh, why? Oh, why god? Does hurting others hurt you?” I screamed with a violent bang. Violent flowers bloom…

[anarchiekat]

I hear his tears and his smile, clouds thick with rain glide like silk, then dries during such arid-times. The dry thoughts of suicide clouds the eyes, and the haze of false hope rolls slowly away during tipid days. Eventually, there hangs a man, lifeless and hopeless and cheerless, bountiful of nothingness. Hope strangled him; hope, the last remains on his face; hope, the cruel mistress with…

[anarchiekat]

M O N S T E R

It’s over. Nothing can change our situation. Eve is dead. I am dead. An evil brews inside, the festering thoughts, the screams, built inside my head. I was sick, and I knew it, too. She begged with her torn eyes. She cried like an innocent lamb.  I can’t stop.  My malice hands ripped her vocal chords, the deafening tones still lingered in the air like drunken moss. Demonic harpies sat on…

[anarchiekat]

D I S T A N T // M E M O

The feeling of running for my life, out of breath, heart pumping, adrenaline rushing, closing my eyes hoping for a miracle. Everyday. Every fucking day, I tell you. Suicide and death. Suicide and death. Suicide and love. I want to escape, but it’s too late. Too late to try. Too late to fix the mistakes I made. The cold spoon, on a cold November night, warmed up for you and I. “BRITIN DON’T DO…