annervus - Tumblr blog

[annervus]

4n4 Master Doc

This post is entirely devoted to tips, tricks, mental health, and other related topics to 4n0r3x!@. Do not continue reading if mention of c@l0r!3s, w3!ght gain/loss, st@rv!ng, f@st!ng, etc.

Everything will be after the cut.

Chapter 1- Symptoms

Dizziness: this is most likely caused by low iron. you can take an iron supplement to help you in the long run. these take a few months to begin working, so you won't immediately see an improvement. they don't help too much in general, if i'm being honest. this can also be caused by lack of electrolytes. the best way to absorb these is by gatorade or liquid iv. there are a number of calories in both of these, but i find that these do not affect my weight in any way. they are also low enough that your body will naturally burn it off anyways. one thing that a lot of rexxys often suffer from is extreme dizziness upon standing. everytime i would stand up, especially during a long fast, i would get so dizzy my vision would go black. a good way to help this is to slowly stand up, take as much time as you need to, even if it feels silly.

- Hair loss: hair loss is caused by a lack of nutrition in your body. when i was at my lowest weight, my hair got really thin and was falling out like crazy. i would have so much come out when i was showering, brushing my hair, or pulling it up. there isn't too much you can do to prevent this from happening. to not receive any sort of suspicion from this, pulling your hair into a bun, ponytail, or plaits is best. i found that people typically don't notice too much, but if they do you can play it off usually.

Sick/nausea: i'm not entirely sure what the cause of this is. i know that so so many people with eds suffer from almost chronic nausea. a lot of people have told me nicotine helps them with this. a lot of times after you eat anything, it's common to feel like this. a peppermint stick is very helpful in my opinion. they're little sticks with essential oils in them. you can buy them from amazon for 5-10 dollars and carry it around with you in a purse or pocket.

Brain Fog: there's truly nothing that works for this. it's the price to pay with being skinny. your brain doesn't have anything to run off of. if people begin to notice this, saying your sleep schedule has been off is super helpful. this symptom will most likely affect your grades, which is one factor to pay attention to. sleep is very important to help minimize this. getting enough sleep will do so much more than you may realize.

Fainting: at some point, you may faint. it's important to check for bruising, swelling, and other injuries after. if you feel this sensation coming up, try to sit down or lean against something to prevent as much pain as possible. often, carbs or protein bars/shakes can help reduce this too. obviously, this idea is not ideal. i see it as a small price to pay to protect this secret.

Fasting & Starving- Tips/Tricks

I usually begin my fasts around 6 or 7 pm. I have my OMAD (one meal a day) at this time. This time works best for me because I leave my house before 7am for school, which makes skipping breakfast easy. then, at school i treat my lunch period as a study hall. the real challenge is when i get home and trying not to binge.

My favorite techniques for when i feel the urge to binge are mukbangs, thinspo, meanspo, writing, nicotine, gum, water loading, and distracting my mind. mukbangs help because they make me sick to my stomach when they're eating thousands of calories and being really messy, so it takes away my appetite. i have an entire pinterest board of thinspo to remind myself why this discomfort will be worth it to look like this girls. meanspo is usually best when given to you from another person. tumblr is a great space for that, if you create a post asking for meanspo then somebody will respond. or find an anabuddy and give each other meanspo/anything else needed. writing helps because i can gather my thoughts and find the reasoning behind starving myself again. nicotine helps because it distracts your mouth. gum does the same. water loading is basically chugging a whole bunch of water. this fills me up and usually leaves me feeling a little sick. coloring or drawing, especially ed related things, helps to put my mind's attention on something other than the sensation of starvation.

If somebody notices you're not eating enough, it truly depends on the person who's asking. before recovery, i would tell my mom i just forgot or i was simply feeling sick with a headache or flu. my friends i would just tell them i already ate/am eating later. same works for most other people. now if you are supposed to be recovered, it's easiest to break whatever fast you have going and eat a regular or semi-regular meal in front of your parents. this is so much easier than being forced to gain all of the weight back.

Suggestions?

I will be making a few more parts to this. if there is any information or questions you'd like answered on the next one, comment them.

I'm also going to start an 4n4 community group chat on snapchat. i understand that this goes against the protecting identities card, but discord takes down the servers. in order to keep the chat hidden, it will be names t-rexxies and the dinosaur emoji. that is more of an esoteric and discreet name in my opinion. again, dm me or comment any suggestions for this. if you would like to be added to this, please comment or dm me. all invitations/usernames will be sent via direct messages to protect this blog as much as possible.

thank you for all the love and support. you're doing so amazing. keep going, i know you can do it.

xoxo,

skinnyvanilla1atte

[annervus]

My mother told me she can see I lost weight 🖤☺️✨🖤

My mother told me she can see I lost weight ☹️😨😓😰

[annervus]

Feeling like shit in the last few days. By that I mean constant fatigue and all. And the fact that my mother is constantly around and watching if I eat or not :////

[annervus]

THURSDAY - 09.05.2024

food diary

My mother is back. Along with a lot of food. Thankfully though most of it she wants to give out to the rest of the family. That's what I was hoping for. I still got some gummies, chocolate and chips :////.

Breakfast:

nothing

Lunch:

a fistful (25 grams) of Haribo mix - 90 kcal,

Dinner:

another fistful of Haribo mix - 90 kcal,

awfully high cal chocolate pudding - 310 kcal,

Snacks:

Monster Energy, Rehab Peach - 50 kcal,

a single butter biscuit to fool my mother into thinking I have a healthy relationship with food (it was still awfully high cal) - 43 kcal,

another Monster Energy, this one being absolutely zero - 11 kcal.

Total: 594 kcal

Burnt:

I'm actually not sure, I cleaned for a bit and quite vigorously too but I didn't log it

OVERALL: ? kcal

And here is the diet that I am planning to start on Monday. Is it quite difficult? It seems so, yes. But I have nothing else to live for right now so I may as well do it. Tomorrow doing an OMAD with a pack of chips and an energy drink since I have to show my mother that I am eating. I hopefully won't try to kys while doing it (they're 800 kcal (disgusting)).

[annervus]

CAN'T SLEEP (IT'S 1:30 AM) SO HERE IS ANOTHER HEROIN CHICK GUY LEGEND M4L3SPO

David Bowie, obviously.

[annervus]

M4L3SP0 OF ONE OF THE ORIGINAL HEROIN CHICK GUYS

Peter Murphy, of course.

[annervus]

Okay. Got the German food from my mother. It's not good, yes, but it could be much worse. Three energy drinks, all zero of course, a package of Haribos, some air bubbles chocolate and chips. Time to start rationing I suppose.

The air chocolate is 100 grams, 542 kcals for the whole thing. Probably going to eat a square a day. Easy.

The Haribos were 175 grams but I took out a fist (25 grams, 90 kcals) because I didn't like the look - or smell - of some of them. 537 kcal for the rest 150 grams. Still easy, I'm probably going to eat a fist from time to time.

And here comes the worst thing - the chips. They can't really sit just open like that since they could go stale. There are 150 grams of them, so again, not good. 803 for the whole pack, dammit. I have no idea what to do with them.

[annervus]

WEDNESDAY - 08.05.2024

food diary

The fast has been broken. Not with an energy drink as I've planned, tragically. My mother is still not home due to some unforeseen circumstances. As such, I was forced to sate myself with rice and an egg. It still was enough to make me leave some of it for later, because - unsurprisingly - my stomach was not prepared for a meal of that size.

Breakfast:

nothing

Lunch:

nothing

Dinner:

a cup of cooked rice - 121 kcal,

an egg - 70 kcal.

Snacks:

nothing

Total: 191 kcal

Burnt:

nothing

OVERALL: 0 kcal

Lost almost a full kg through the night. 68.3 kg is my weight right now. And as the pompompurin diet is done (without any slip ups either) I will eat at most 1000 kcal a day till Monday. Because on Monday I am planning to start another diet, this one with way lower limits (100 - 400).

[annervus]

adam mickiewicz ma tumbrl? 😨😨😨

Tak, Słowacki podobno założył no to nie mogłem być gorszy. Tymbardziej, że ten chuj ma niższe CW ode mnie... And I will not stand for that.

[annervus]

my mother ain't home yet. I'm actually not exactly sure at what hour is she supposed to be back, but all I know is that I'm fasting until then

[annervus]

Took my meds for the day, went over my fasting goal too but since my mother isn't back I'm still not stopping. What is even better I barely feel any hunger anymore lol My stomach feels quite rumbly though.

I got under 69 kgs too. That's cause I'm ✨ 68.6 ✨ right now.

[annervus]

TUESDAY - 07.05.2024

food diary

Another day of fasting, another day of nearly passing out while walking around, another day of feeling lovely. Kind of. Mentally it felt lovely. Physically, not so much. Still, the only thing I drank today was tea. Only to learn from my personal alternatywka (@californiadrugs) that it is unhealthy :((((((

Today:

tea x5 (I think)

Total: 0 (!) kcal

Burnt:

cleaning for like an hour I think which nearly killed me, 173 kcal

OVERALL: 173 kcal

Somehow didn't get under 69 kg. Either way, still lost 300 grams. Currently 69.1 kg.

[annervus]

MONDAY - 06.05.2024

food diary

It's good. Really good. Not only is the fast going absolutely lovely, but also - my plateau is gone. For the first time in a week I think I lost more than 100 grams. Because I lost 500 instead ^^

Breakfast:

nothing

Lunch:

nothing

Dinner:

nothing

Snacks:

nothing

Total: 0 (!) kcal

Burnt:

nothing, sadly

OVERALL: 0 kcal

69.4 kg. Cute. Finally. Beautiful. Btw I decided to change the markers on the diet image to:

brown - good,

white - fast,

red - bad.

[annervus]

screw it, doing a 3 day liquid fast all until my mother comes back

[annervus]

SUNDAY - 05.05.2024

food diary

Feeling like shit. Who would've thought. Still, ate under the limit, but my mother is coming back on wednesday so that means I'll hate to tidy up the house and prepare myself to answering questions about my body and weight. And, of course, refusing or throwing out (out, not up) all kinds of food. Please let me die.

Breakfast:

some banana bread with half skimmed milk - 146 kcal

Lunch:

a sandwich with cream cheese, turkey and tofu (i shit on bread) - 230 kcal

Dinner:

some banana bread with half skimmed milk, again - 146 kcal

Snacks:

some banana bread with half skimmed milk, yet again - 146 kcal

Total: 668 (668 too much) kcal

Burnt:

nothing, too tired

OVERALL: 0 kcal

The scale has decided (69.9 kg) , and so did I. No metabolism day, too many calories which means too much stress over eating too much and gaining weight. I'm just going to stick to restricting until the plateau does not resolve itself.

[annervus]

an update on my pathetic life - I kind of just relapsed in sh. feeling like an attention wh0re even writing this out on tumblr but I have no one to whom I could talk rn so strangers on the internet it is.

[annervus]

really considering doing a metabolism day tomorrow, like 1500 kcal max. the weight did not go down even a slight bit. the only good thing going on right now is the fact that I literally don't feel hunger anymore. the metabolism day would be of course done with extremely unhealthy foods. i couldn't care less anymore at this point, i'll probably just myself a frozen pizza and that's that.