asexualconfessions

[asexualconfessions]

anon I am not going to post your ask because it doesn't relate to asexuality or aromanticism, I'm sorry!!

[asexualconfessions]

i’ve never had a crush in my life (i think?) but i think im attracted to women? (wlw) but the idea of someone touching me in any sensual way (like massages) is unbearable, but i also feel like i crave it? help guys. help. but why do i feel like if i were sleep deprived enough and asked to, i’d kiss my friend just to see what it’s like?

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[asexualconfessions]

😭😭😭

I'll go first; "trying to understand friends to lovers for an aro is like trying to use cactus needles as braille"...I'll kill you...

[asexualconfessions]

I just had my first kiss yesterday. Always had a sneaking suspicion that i probably wouldn't like it. Turn out i was rigth. It was kinda weird and squishy. And i didn't really feel anything. I got more happy by a kiss on the cheek then actually on my lips.

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[asexualconfessions]

I have no one to tell!!! Funshine bear is aroace!?! 🤣

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[asexualconfessions]

I was already against jk Rowling

But being directly attacked… I believe we aro/ace are very easy to ignore, we don’t disrupt allos and we usually hide pretty well. To be attacked… it feels like a bad joke. Like, really? You are bothered by US?

It feels also like another treason. We took the time to (in the past) appreciate your work joanna, and now you come against us? You don’t believe we deserve the human right of dignity and respect?

I was already against jk, watching her fall lower is just sad.

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[asexualconfessions]

Found out recently I’m aegosexual! Makes me very happy to understand myself better and to know there’s other people out there like me. It’s a bit weird though that, the way a lot of people define asexuality is like the complete opposite of being aegosexual, people will say being ace means not experiencing sexual attraction but you can (if it applies) enjoy sex and sexual relationships; meanwhile for me I can very much experience sexual attraction but do not want to be involved in sex or any sexual stuff at all.

I think personally asexuality should be more described as being “either the lack of sexual attraction and/or lack of interest in sex”, but idk maybe there’s even better inclusive definitions out there I’m not aware of.

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[asexualconfessions]

I’m totally sex-positive, as in, I think that sex shouldn’t be so stigmatized and that it generally shouldn’t be seen as this nasty thing. I think it’s a generally good thing for society to reduce the stigma around sex. I think sex and sexuality in one way or another is a natural part of the human condition and it shouldn’t be this big taboo thing to talk about.

But I am also asexual and sex-repulsed so I would prefer that these conversations occur mostly not in my presence. But obviously I’m mature enough to not make a big deal when it does. My tolerance for non-joking sex talks is lower than most people’s for obvious reasons. What seems like a normal level of sexual conversations or posts online feels more prevalent to me.

Being on tumblr and fandom spaces is great and I’m so happy that things are generally sex-positive here. But like for example I saw a post earlier that said something like “more people should be comfortable drawing/writing sex scenes” and while I 1000% agree with that sentiment, it kinda felt to me like saying “more people should be comfortable chewing loudly with their mouth open in public” (I don’t mean to say those two things are the same in terms of etiquette or anything, but like people talking vividly about sex around me kinda feels similar to when someone near me is chewing loudly with their mouth open).

To me it feels like so many people draw/write sex already and it can make a good amount of fandom intolerable to me so when I saw that post I felt like that one meme of the guy on the balcony smoking a cigarette and looking tired af.

I hope I don’t come across as douchey or anything if I do, I’m sorry, these are my own thoughts and I NEVER want to put anyone down or make them feel bad for this stuff.

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[asexualconfessions]

This feels like TMI but I wanted to share incase someone had a similar experience.

A while back my morbid curiosity got the better of me and I decided to investigate this whole "sex" thing people make such a big deal about. I read biology stuff, testimonials of people's experiences, and eventually some explicit works.

Then there I am months later and I'm feeling like a fraud who lied to herself thinking she was asexual. Because I had wound up "enjoying" some explicit works and since then had also begun to feel some attraction outside of those works.

But then I pause as I am actively scrolling past the "boring stuff" (descriptions of what people look like) in a piece of smut I have picked out to avoid a number of popular acts that gross me out, which I am reading because audio or visuals also gross me out. Also now that I think of it all of these traits I know find "attractive" are all based on an intellectual desire, and didn’t come accompanied with an desire to anything with them other than to admire a moment then move on.

And I says to myself, "Well, I certainty don't think I'd call this allosexual behavior."

Lol, I haven't even told anyone I'm asexual. I don't know who I thought I had to prove it to.

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[asexualconfessions]

Usually, I'm really happy about being aroace. I'd probably not date even if I was allo, but I adore not being able to feel attraction. I really like my identity.

It took me some time to get used to the fact that I will never fall in love, but realistically speaking I always knew I would never get married or have a life long partner. I'm ok with having friends.

Now, this is half of the problem. I like having friends, but I'm terrible at making friends. I'm bad at socializing (am I weird? Did I say something wrong? I forgot an unspoken rule everybody but me is aware of?), I lack object permanence so I keep forgetting to text them, if I remember I don't know what I should write (how can you know what's socially acceptable? Am I bothering them? Do they hate me?), and in general it's not a stong skill of mine. I can live with it: I found some good friends, even if not a lot.

I have half a queerplatonic crush (how are those called?) for one of my dearest childhood friends, who doesn't know about it. I'm planning on telling her.

I can usually talk without problems. I'm learning ASL because, if I could choose, I would rather sign (or write, but it would be way more uncomfortable) than talk most of the time.

I do not live in the USA (luckily), nor in an english speaking country.

Nobody in any of my friend groups knows sign languages (neither local one nor ASL, that I chose as it's easier to find lessons online).

I really wish somebody learned sign language to understand me when I don't feel like talking. I don't think any of those people would do it, I know it's a lot of hard work and nobody's got time to learn a mostly useless skill (at least where I live), and I honestly feel like forcing them or making them feel guilty for it would be bad. I just whish I was that important for somebody, and this is my main problem with my being aroace. (And with amatonormativity)

Sorry for the rant.

-♠︎

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[asexualconfessions]

Being sex repulsed and following people or tags with people who just don't properly tag sex related stuff is so tiring, I have at least 50 sex related keywords/phrases on my filtered tags and 26 on my filtered content and yet I still constantly find sex shit on my dash

Like is it so hard to just tag nsfw, nsft, or nsfw text?

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[asexualconfessions]

I don't hate insta-love in stories as much alloromantics seem to. If I have been prepared to be presented with a romantic relationship I don't care how it starts. I think it might be because all routes to a romantic relationship seem equally fantastical to me so I don't have to pull on any extra suspension of disbelief.

And honestly for me insta-love gets to the good part. A lot of the time the other option is either having to people bicker for no reason, selling me on a platonic relationship that was never meant to be, or the worst pinning.

However if I don't know a romance is coming insta-love will throw me off because I get cognitive dissonance from my aro-normativity (I subconsciously assume everyone is aromantic) But even if the romance is set up I get the same cognitive dissonance when I figure out what they are trying to set up. Maybe at a lower level but still.

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[asexualconfessions]

It's so frustrating to be in a situation where I know I don't really want a relationship but I DO want kids.

Like I've run the circles of should I seek out a relationship or not. I've made pros and cons list (totally a sign I should be seeking out a sign other lol) and every time I do the cons are like, kissing and dating, and, sharing a room. The the pro are, having a friend I don't have to leave the house to spend time with and Gandma being happy. Essentially I would only want to be in a committed relationship with someone for social gain. So probably unethical

Anyway for all parties involved I really don't want to seek out a significant other. I've also never been asked or in any other way been made known someone was interested in me, making it a mute point

Which brings me back to the kids thing. I can't think of a socially acceptable way to choose to have kids without a spouse (at least not in my culture) Like sure I have examples of single moms but they're always occurring out of tragedy and it's rough on the kids to only have one parent. So, even if it was socially acceptable to choose to raise a kid yourself I wouldn't do it because I don't think it's a one person job.

Oh my gosh! I am basically picturing a modern version of Anne and the Cuthberts from Anne of Green Gables. This whole time I thought I was an Anne but I'm actually a Marilla. That's wild. I'm gonna have to think on that one.

Sorry this is so long but it feels better to not to have to hold on to it myself. I don't really have anyone IRL I'd feel comfortable sharing this with.

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[asexualconfessions]

I'll go first; "trying to understand friends to lovers for an aro is like trying to use cactus needles as braille"...I'll kill you...

[asexualconfessions]

HOLD UP HOW WAS I NOT AWARE OF THIS

[asexualconfessions]

I used to think that most people only had sex when they wanted to have a kid. It seemed pointless to do any other time..

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[asexualconfessions]

I spent a year thinking I wasn't asexual.

Then I played a romance game as an asexual character and an allosexual character, romancing the same characters. I realised I was just forcing the allosexuality and it doesn't feel right. I realised I just want romance and love, but u don't fully feel I can have that and be asexual at the same time. The game gave me hope that I could be in a loving romantic relationship without sex.

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