autumnseawitch-blog

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My affiliation with one of my favorite companies has been approved! I absolutely love Coursera! There are tons of different classes to choose from, offered by Universities all over the world! I have learned so much through this website. I have used my certifications through it to get jobs (including my favorite one as an Early Childhood Educator) and to kick start my college journey, studying Physiology! Check them out all of the amazing classes they have to offer!

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“Hundreds of people around me, surrounding, but I’m still alone like Fortnite. Solo.“ - Cutthroat Smile, Bexey Swan.

Why did you start streaming? Remember the feelings in your heart when you watched a streamer you really looked up to? Remember the feelings when you went to the store, and sat in the isle with your phone in your hands, as you read through reviews for the equipment in front of you? Before you made your selections, went home, and set it all up?

Everyone has their own personal reasons for pouring their soul into, and investing their precious time into things. No two people are the same, and I should never compare my journey to anyone else’s. More importantly, I should never let someone else compare their journey to mine.and accept their vision as my end game. I need to think about my long term self, and what I am going to be happy with when I leave existence.

Growth is exciting, but I’ve never been one to speed through it. I think my college journey is a testament to that. I took my time. I studied several different subjects that caught my interest. I collected a plethora of textbooks that I still study, and I don’t feel like I am finished. I want to keep exploring, and keep learning. It puts a big, bright smile on my face. I’ve wanted that passion to remain an important part of my life. I think watching my vegetables grow keeps things in perspective as well. Here is this little green wiggly sliver poking it’s head through the dirt. I’ve been checking on it for days and wondering if the seed ever even germinated. But finally, here it is. I water it for several weeks until I am able to transplant it into the ground, and from there it takes another few weeks to grow and flower. I haven’t even gotten to the part where the petals fall off and the flowers transform into vegetables, or the days I spend checking on them to see if they’ve turned from light green to their expected color. There is a lot of nurturing that goes into growing, and it is worth all of the time it takes to be presented with a juicy vegetables in turn, and a plant that continues to give after it has been plucked of it’s first harvest.

I fell deeper down the rabbit hole into streaming as I began to make friends through it. I started my journey playing the games that I had been hardcore into before I started. Call of Duty, Left4Dead, and I started dipping my toes into Dead by Daylight because it had themes that reminded me of Left4Dead. I didn’t really want to budge from my norm, but eventually I let my friends break those walls down and I allowed them to introduce me to new things. When I saw the ways that I’d be able to spend time with them in these virtual worlds, it made me want to create spaces for them to hang out in. I love seeing, and listening to their creative ideas. They have beautiful, fun minds. Perhaps it stems from my previous job as a teacher, but I wanted to provide them with the sandbox to play in. THAT is the part of all of this that makes my life better. THEM. I am doing something that genuinely makes me happy, and I get to spend it with them. I want to get to know these new friends I make through this experience. Not just their gamer tag, or their name. I want see what colors they couple with other colors. I want to see the patterns they create, and the names they come up with. I want to learn about what mechanics are important to them. Their minds are like beautiful Bob Ross paintings, layer atop of layer. When they come together in a group, it feels like I am taking a day trip to the Metropolitan Museum. I NEVER want to lose sight of that. I know right now that at the end of my life, the most valuable things I am going to have to look back on are the relationships I shared with the people along my journey. The laughs, the insides jokes, the ridiculous banter. That is what I love about all of this, more than anything.

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Shout out to my awesome follower and Guild mate Timbob for this adorable Fallout sundress. ❤

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Why I play this “dead” game.

I play a LOT of Fallout 76. At this point, it is one of my most streamed games. As such, I get a lot of people coming in and questioning, why? ‘It’s dead. It sucks!’ I see them exclaim in chat. I think it’s silly, because there are numerous streamers out there streaming other games. You could watch anything, and somehow, here we are. In my chat, having this discussion. It gives me the perfect opportunity to write a blog post about WHY this game is so important to me though. So for the sake of writing (one of my other favorite hobbies aside from gaming) let’s do it! I’ve been playing video games for as long as I have been able. While I have loved them, I have never poured my heart into them as much as I do now. I didn’t have the time to. Before I became a streamer, I was a college student and I was obsessed with being outdoors. In fact, I held a view that technology was an evil force that I had become entangled with due to the nature of the present world. I constantly wanted to detach myself from it, and run away to places where I was forced to be without an internet signal. I would make my way out to the woods four to five days a week, and walk aimlessly for hours. I’d pack myself picnics and eat while overlooking landscapes, I’d lift my kayak onto the top of my car and take hour long road trips around to local lakes, and I would go out for up to 20 miles runs simply because I had fun doing it. I was obsessed with my calorie count, my diet, and my step counter. Around July of last year, this all changed for me. I started to become very sick. I felt dizzy every day. I could barely stand up. My heart rate was increasing over nothing. Breathing felt hard. I would feel waves of pain, and other odd feelings that I can barely put into words. It all felt so horrible, I was afraid of being alone and I began sleeping on my grandmother’s living room couch so that I could be nearer to her, her aides, and the kitchen. There were times where I was so dizzy and in so much pain, I would hug my own body and beg God to make it stop.

I’m not sure if I’ve just gotten used to my symptoms by now, or if they have just changed over time, but I am finally able to sit up and do some amount of work throughout the day. But when it comes to being as physical as I used to be, I’m severely limited. Yesterday, my heart rate increased into the 130′s from taking a slow gentle walk around my yard and walking up three steps. I’ve been seeing more and more doctors since this all began, and have only come up with a few answers after hitting a number of frustrating road blocks beforehand. It sucks. I miss the life I used to know. I miss hiking two mountains a day. I miss running all over my home town. I miss feeling strong. Now we arrive to the part of this blog post explaining WHY this game is so important to me. From the moment I started playing Fallout 76′s Stress Test, I could feel my heart bursting like fireworks as I looked over the landscapes. The environment in the game reminds me of my hikes through the woods during the Fall. Specifically, it reminds me of the landscapes I overlooked when I hiked Sleeping Beauty Mountain. There is no true definitive path that you HAVE to follow in the game. There is a main quest line, that I have finished as of right now, but for the most part you are the one who chooses where you go and why. So if I want to just hike around and look at the foliage, that is all I have to do. The world is open enough that I can meet up with my friends when I want to, and then I can take off and run through the woods by myself. Most importantly, I can RUN. I built my character to have a high AP so that I can run from place to place and not always feel the need to use the fast travel feature. Additionally, around level 140 I finally got into creating a build for my character and worked on my strength. I went from wearing power armor all of the time to one shotting a lot of enemies with a power fist. I understand that the game has it’s issues. I do get frustrated with them. The glitching. The random freezing and shutting down. Sometimes they change things about the interface that makes me seriously question what they were thinking. But none of it has ever been enough to make me want to uninstall the game. The amount of happiness it has made me feel has greatly outweighed the frustrations.

Fallout gives me the opportunity to experience the things I used to love within a simulation. It makes me genuinely happy, which I think is an important factor in selecting what game you spend your time on. More so than the reviews and opinions of other players. Whether the experience of the game is good or bad is subjective to the player. If it enriches their life, it is a good game. Perhaps, just not one that you would invest your time in. I for one am endlessly grateful that Fallout 76 exists. It has brought so much good into my life.

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Show em’ Love Sunday

Since Sunday is my day off from streaming, which I am trying super hard to abide by now (It’s hard, I love my job!) I would like to take this day of the week to reflect on some of the streamers that I love to watch. Every Sunday I will write about three streamers that I really enjoy. So let’s kick it off! 1. ReAnimateHer - ReAnimateHer is a kind hearted soul! Her laugh and her smile are infectious! She is warm and welcoming; spending my time in her stream is relaxing . She plays a lot of horror and survival games that I enjoy playing as well, so I love watching her play while I am not playing. 2. Catalie - Catalie is adorable! She makes me smile so much! She recently just hit 3,000 followers which she totally deserves! Her bright personality shines like the sun! Catalie also plays horror games, and additionally plays one of my favorite games, Minecraft! I love watching her build! She makes such beautiful things! 3. deepsilencer - deepsilencer is such a sweetheart! He is lively and supportive! He helped me reach my first 1,000 followers which I was so incredibly stoked about because I looked up to him so much when I was just starting out. I still do! He plays some shooters and Dead by Daylight and is a joy to be around! I highly suggest dropping these three a follow and spending some time in their streams with their communities!

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Help save our oceans and it's wildlife! Use code: AUTUMNSEAWITCH537 for 15% off of any order! https://www.sandcloud.com/

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I spent some time in the backyard today, sitting and listening to bird songs. Feeling the wind rush over my skin. There were moments where it felt really peaceful, and others where I felt like my body wanted to collapse and give up. I am so tired of feeling the way I feel. I want to be out there... in the woods... exploring with my little explorers backpack. Filled up with trail snacks, water, and my camera.

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Fanart by Ginger. ❤

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Chronically ill? Chronically stressed? Try Warmies! Soothing warmth and comfort for all ages!

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Check out my new character art by irodesu on Fivver! Since I am chronically ill and don't feel good enough to be on camera most of the time, she made me a chibi that looks like me, in a chair that looks just like mine! Click here to sign up on Fivver and see all of the awesome services offered by others! From digital art, to proof reading, video help and more!

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Top Supporters of February!

Top Donors! 1. Rushii 2. Wick3dRog3rs 3. PerineumFalconX Top Sparks! 1. KILLERDOMOXX 2. Jag_Jedi 3. RoyalXenoKing 4. THEROOKIE 5. tuhTuhtuhTia BIG THANKS TO MY SUBSCRIBERS! benjjohn RoyalXenoKing KILLERDOMOXX Uthenwe Yaiizee Jay

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Whose your favorite Disney Princess?

That’s a tough choice between Ariel (because of her voice) and Belle (because of her love for books). I definitely think Kida is the most badass though.

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By clicking here becoming a Patreon you can support my streaming dreams and help me live my day to day life as a chronically ill human being for any pledge amount of your choosing per month. There are different perks for each pledge amount. Check them out!

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Join The Coven on Discord. Our communities fun, active, Hogwarts themed gamer hangout. We have a lot of laughs, creative members, and fun activities such as movie nights and challenges.

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I want to say that I am sorry.

I want to say that I am sorry to my followers, or to those who just pop into my stream. I know a lot of you won’t actually care, and are understanding of my situation, but I still want to say that I am sorry. For not always being able to be on cam. I want to be. I want to share my facial reactions, and look ‘at’ you when I talk to you. I want to share a deeper sense of who I am with you. Most days, it is hard for me to get out of bed though. I spend hours trying to manage my symptoms so that I can feel as close to “good” as I can get for a few hours, before I have to go back to bed and do it all over again the next day. I know I shouldn’t compare myself to other streamers, but I do. I look at them and what they are able to share with you of themselves and their lives and I wish that I had the energy to get up every day and get myself ready so that I could too. I’m trying my best, that is all I can do. I’m just feeling sorry, to you, and to myself.