berryeli-blog - Tumblr blog

[berryeli-blog]

I´m trying SO hard not to feel discouraged at how little I lost, I went to my nutritionist today and I only lose 1.5kg in 2 weeks :(. 

I knew this would be slower as I was diagnosed with hypothyroidism but... I don´t know, it´s hard. I´m trying to accept it in a way that at least I´m losing, I´m not gaining, I´m eating food that I like and I´m not feeling anxious.

But I don´t know, I just want to cry.

However, as you can see, my cheat meal game is on point 👌 with this 🍩chocolate donut, stuffed with chocolate cream cheese and kit kat ✨ .... yep, call an ambulance.

[berryeli-blog]

We are all broken, that´s how the light gets in.✨

And all of a sudden your mind starts playing tricks on you. And you feel alone, worthless and miserable; you try to get off the downward spiral of negative emotions and thoughts but it keeps dragging you down. That´s exaclty the time to remember my family is healthy, they love me and care about me, there´s someone waiting for me. I have a job that reminds me everyday what I´m capable of doing. It´s the perfect time to pause and be present, pay attention to your breath, the sounds, the feelings. It´s remembering how blessed I am.

“But everyday above ground is a great day, remember that.” (yes, I just quoted Pitbull)

[berryeli-blog]

The universe is vast, yet we are not insignificant.✨

A quote I recently read and made me feel 100% better than how I was feeling.

I love hiking, walking through the mountains and connect with nature. I feel it as a form of meditation, I focus on my breath, the view, the sounds of birds and insects, the fresh air, and the ocasional squirrel that comes by to say hi. I love the feeling of being part of it, being a piece of a greater power.

It´s definitely one of the things I´m grateful for and hopefully never stop doing.

[berryeli-blog]

angry rant

Jesus. I really fucking hate the attitude some people take when they see or realize you´re changing your eating habits, like “fruit? you´re eating fruit? are you on a diet? why?” “woooooow that´s light” “you have discipline!!” 

SERIOUSLY shut the fuck up!!!!!! why do you care so much about what Im fucking eatingggggggggggggggg, God, I really can´t stand it, get ready for some mean answers you idiots

[berryeli-blog]

Taking care of yourself is not always nice & easy

Self-care is not always binge watching netflix, comfort food, wine and a nice warm bubble bath.

Sometimes is going to work and actually work and do what you have to do. Trying to keep a positive attitude through out your shift while co-workers seem to try and sabotage you.

Sometimes is working out even when all you want to do is lay on bed or eat cake.

Is going to a nutritionist because you have accepted that you need professional help.

Taking care of yourself is being responsible, is pushing yourself to do things that you don´t want to do but are good for you. It is pulling yourself back up no matter how heavy it feels, no matter if you´re the only one pulling. It is knowing, accepting and enjoying when you have to work hard and when you can binge watch netflix, eat comfort food, have a glass of wine and a nice warm bubble bath.

[berryeli-blog]

(vía https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MiN3ENtgNbY)

HEALTHIER, PRETTIER, TASTIER, HOME MADE UNICORN FRAP!

[berryeli-blog]

Breakfast 😊 Vanilla greek yogurt, half an apple, half a banana & granola 👌 👌 👌

[berryeli-blog]

Afternoon snack 😊 Mango, chamoy & chili powder The monster high bowl is a must

[berryeli-blog]

Started this gratitude journal thing 😊 Today Im so grateful for these days off work!!! Lets rest and recharge, get ready for whats comming 💪

[berryeli-blog]

aww thanks :)

I like that I´m honest, creative, kind, I´m a good listener and I´m loyal

[berryeli-blog]

Let´s rant... because I feel like it

I wanted to go study english to Ireland, most likely to practice it full time and live the experience of living somewhere else, alone, and because it scares me to shit to leave it all behind. My heart got broken in pieces when I realized that I can´t get the money I need for the school etc by next year, I´d need about 2 years and I don´t want to wait that long, plus I´d feel “too old” by then (I already feel too old now). I´m in the process of accepting I can´t go and I´m in the process of looking how can I make more money so I can save enough to go... but havent got the answer yet.

I´ve been feeling bad because I can´t control myself eating wise and I can´t push myself hard enough to workout, yesterday was going great until my friend called me right before I started working out so we went out, ate junk food, and came home late so I couldn´t workout anymore. I´m starting again today, breakfast wasnt really too healthy (english muffin soaked in butter and maple syrup, delicious yep but not healthy) but Im getting myself back, making healthier choices for lunch and dinner and also working out.

I know I really want this, to lose weight, and I really need it to feel better and I know I can do so much better than what I´m doing, I know I don´t want to regret another year like it happened on 2016... I already regret 3 months... 3MONTHS!!!!!! From Jan to March I did nothing but struggle and maybe actually gained a little :( I don´t want that feeling again 3 months from now and I need to remember that every single time Im going to put something in my mouth... EVERY SINGLE TIME Im going out instead of going home and working out

lets do this

[berryeli-blog]

Did french toast for breakfast, didnt taste as delicious as I imagined 😂 I guess the kitchen is not my place!

[berryeli-blog]

Sometimes I forget what a good workout can do for me ☺

[berryeli-blog]

This is probably the most heart breaking video I´ve seen about BED, but it is also the most informative.

I wish everyone could see it and stop shaming people for being overweight, thinking we´re lazy or we can´t control ourselves. I wish it could be as accepted as anorexia or bulimia; and as supported too.

But the one thing I wish the most is that I could accept it myself.

[berryeli-blog]

I feel absolutely awful. I´ve been making a lot of mistakes at work, I seriously don´t know why. I did check the info a lot of times and I still got a mistake!!!!! I feel so stupid :( 

I didn´t get my breakfast cause I really wasnt feeling like eating, now I´m starving and I´m going to eat to a buffet....... guess whos gonna emotionally binge right about now?

[berryeli-blog]

Breakfast today 👌 Small apple & vanilla greek yogurt 😍

[berryeli-blog]

I feel so invalidated

Whenever I´ve tried to “go on a diet” I´ve never found support in my family, as in they don´t stop buying fast food, coke or even stop offering those things to me. Now my brother is on a diet and they´re so supportive to him and I want to see it as a good thing, as I could take advantage of it and jump in the train to eat healthier and lose weight; the truth is that I can´t help but feeling that I wasn´t worth the support? That I didn´t matter as much... that they didn´t trust in me enough... and it hurts

I found out that my sister also dealed with anxiety, we both had to go through a lot of doctors before accepting it was a psychological thing. Our difference was that I went to a psychologist while she went to a psychiatrist and went on medication. I also found out that my mom only consider her as the one struggling with anxiety. It makes me feel so sad, worthless, like if I didn´t exist, so invalidated. It aches in my chest heavily. 

What´s going on? Why can´t anyone give a shit about me? Why does it seem that I don´t matter to anyone? I know I do... because of some of their actions but isn´t it enough? is it me? How can I love and believe in myself when no one else does and no one gives a fuck...

It´s so, so hard and I have mixed feelings. One side, I want to die so badly. Other side wants to prove that I´m worthy and that I can do stuff and prove them wrong and then I think......prove to who? They don´t care anyway... or maybe they will after they see.