bhsystem - Tumblr blog

[bhsystem]

It’s like those online personality quizzes I would take in middle school except the answer is multiple. Like no, seriously. You have multiple personalities

In favor of our most recent post about people making "DID fakers" bingo, I made my own DID bingo card. Feel free to fill it out and see if you have a bingo

–John

Edit: OSDD systems or UDD systems can do this too. Basically just systems in general –John

[bhsystem]

PTSD (including C-PTSD) and some personality disorders (narcissistic, borderline) are also along the dissociative spectrum. The more fragmented and complex the dissociation, the further along in the spectrum it goes; eventually ending with OSDD, then DID, then polyfragmented DID.

As with a lot of things, a little dissociation is normal! You see this on the integrated end of the spectrum- sometimes you aren’t necessarily grounded (daydreaming, thinking hard, “spacing out”), and this is OK until it starts to impact your life negatively.

There is duality when it comes to disorders, in my opinion. They can be both trauma disorders AND dissociative disorders, that doesn’t contradict the other. Same with comorbid disorders! I have both DID and OCD, they play off of each other. My trauma affects my OCD quite a lot. Things are more nuanced than a first glance offers!

Im a little bit high rn but like, i feel that some people forget that people with a dissociative disorder are not always systems, DP/DR is a dissociative disorder but does not cause alters like DID, OSDD or UDD do, and there are many other dissociative disorders that dont cause alters, but DID, OSDD and UDD are just the most well known

[bhsystem]

I was scrolling through psychology today and came across this. How does this work?

Is she bisexual or just an expert in it? What does being an expert of bisexuality entail? Is she certified in it, does she have a bisexuality degree?

[bhsystem]

Some recent watercolors in my new sketchbook

Can you guess who these two are? (My professor only got one right 🥲)

This was a request from a classmate to make them a dragon! (Yes their hair is that cool irl)

These two are ocs (and brothers). Believe it or not, they’re not demons, they’re aliens!

[bhsystem]

Hi this is the bhsystem, a recovering DID system of around 16 alters.

We are 18 years old, professionally diagnosed with DID if you’re someone who cares, and also have ASD, OCD, and some others. We are a college student struggling and trying to make adulthood work.

He/him pronouns are preferred, and we ID as male irl. Some alters may have other pronouns, if they care to mention them please only use those pronouns when talking about that alter alone.

A lot of us have an interest in psychology (our major), social justice issues, and “deep” subjects. Our lifelong special interest is cats, other than that interests pretty much depend on the alter. These interests include (but aren’t limited to) horror, queerbaity media, Harry Potter universe, Star Wars, frogs, religion/spirituality, comic books, and musical theater.

Some notable alters:

Joseph (he/him) host, EP, horror and musical enthusiast

Millie (she/her) autism + anxiety symptom holder, frog lover and indie kid

Elizer (he/him) little, trauma holder, comic book reader and reptile fan

Troy (he/him) ANP, Potterhead and certified wookie

Luke (he/him) trauma holder, caretaker, would be a youth pastor if he could

Things may be added to or taken out, for now this is all one blog

[bhsystem]

Im getting a little tired of gaslighting myself every time I decide to call myself disabled. I know it’s not a bad thing, but most people see it as that, and while I don’t care if I’m “insulting” myself, it saddens me that when I tell someone I’m disabled they immediately want to go “nono you’re not disabled, you just struggle sometimes!” Or something like that.

Do…. You not know what a disability is? I feel like it is built up to be this extreme, pity provoking idea that’s virtually untouchable, as if it’s the rock bottom of being alive. Yes, disabilities suck to live with. But a good chunk of that is because of how people view our disabilities. Being disabled is not WRONG. I shouldn’t be urged to not call myself disabled because it’s somehow an insult to my character. Some people don’t consider themselves disabled by the same disorders I have, and that’s fine, but it still doesn’t mean I can’t be.

Which brings me to the next reason I gaslight myself: I don’t “deserve” to use the label of disability. “People have it worse than me.” “Im just being dramatic.” “It’s my fault, Im just lazy.” These are things I tell myself constantly, and I’ve told myself my whole life. Im starting to try and stop. Do I think it’s important for labels with weight such as this one to be used appropriately? Yes. But being disabled does not mean you are incapable of literally everything. It means you lack the ability for at least some things.

Yes, Im privileged. And being privileged isn’t a bad thing. I would rather be privileged, because I know how hard it is to not be in other aspects of my life. “Pity” is not worth it, never in a million years. My disability doesn’t erase my privilege, but it makes it harder to appreciate. Maybe it’s because we always want what we can’t have… I guarantee if I was “normal”, as I sometimes wish I was, I would still want something different.

I just wish sometimes I could use this word to describe myself without having to worry that people won’t believe me, or that I’ll have to defend my reason to use this label, or that I’m not really “disabled.”

[bhsystem]

I'm intimidated by this world we live in that is ruled by hate. Why do people hate everyone that isn't like them? It's everywhere, and that scares me. People hate vague ideas, stereotypes, they put people they meet or see into boxes and dehumanize them for it.

This week, in my college English class, we had "Gender Week." I wasn't excited for this because of multiple reasons, but... I think what really went on was worse. I expected an intelligent conversation/debate, but for it to be annoying to me because I was surrounded by cisgender male jocks (see, even I stereotype). What I got wasn't even intelligent. We split into 2 groups; male or female, our professor assuring us she knew other people would object to being sorted but for "the purpose of this exercise" we had to choose. The transfemme the professor regularly deadnamed became my buddy on the boys' side.

We were supposed to make a list of what women were, and what we thought women should be. My buddy started to come up with ideas, but we were both quiet and easily overtaken by the louder classmates, who turned it into a joke, where the goal was to be as outrageously sexist as possible. They were laughing so hard about it that the girls' side decided to come up with offensive comments, too, just to defend themselves. That was what the entire class was. Sexist banter, back-and-forth, both sides being adequately offensive, and the professor constantly letting us know we shouldn't be offended either way. I would have accepted these stereotypical comments if we then went back and academically analyzed them, explaining why they're misplaced. But, sadly, even the professor was seeming emotional, defending her gender against the other.

And it's EVERYWHERE. Everyone needs someone, some group, to hate. A lot of them have good reasons to hate, too. It's so overwhelming. I want them to shut up, because the hate has never done us genuine, long-lasting good. What it usually does is incite violence, oppression, genocide, discrimination, bias, and the opposite side to fight back. It's based in emotion, not logic. If you direct your emotion at the IDEA of someone hurting you or your side, you can save your side. It's just so scary to me, that we live in a world where someone will see me as a label before they see me as a person. They will use which "side" I'm on to dictate how they treat me, how close they get to me, how they think of me, how they talk about me, what opportunities they give me.

Why do we hate people we've never met? Why does it hurt me so much to know someone could not only hate me, but an innocent person just the same because of the side we end up on? Why does their opinion matter to me?

[bhsystem]

Started reading a comic book series called Something is Killing the Children, love it. (Only read the first 2 volumes so far)

[bhsystem]

Acrylic painting on the cover of my sketchbook + current sketchbook highlights

[bhsystem]

I think people forget that the majority of dissociative systems are covert. It’s so tiring seeing ppl judge those with CDDs based on whether their alters act super differently or not. Buddy, we’re not an idiot. We act like the same person every day, it’s called masking, everyone does it, idc who you are. So yeah, especially when they’re recently coming to terms with being a system, alters are gonna act similar. Alters of ours don’t know *how* to act like themselves, they don’t ever get to take off the mask.

When we switch we’re not gonna be afk from the body for a solid minute, we’re gonna be disoriented yes, but I doubt you’re going to notice and if you do we usually say “oh I was just thinking/daydreaming.” The POINT of the disorder is to hide itself. The symptoms are real, but not as easy to spot as some might believe!

I know this doesn’t go just for OSDID as well. I’ve seen the same with OCD and neurodivergence. I’ve been told I don’t “seem obsessive,” and that I’m “too smart” to be autistic. Mental disorders are mental, guys! You don’t know what’s going on in someone else’s head, so don’t claim ownership of it. Stop marginalizing other peoples struggles because you saw Split or watch The A System on Tiktok 🙏

[bhsystem]

Someone posed a question to me that I find quite interesting. At what point does a religious belief become a delusion?

I’m a believe it when I see it guy, agnostic to the bone. A lot of people feel that’s the point of religion, to not know for sure, but have faith in it anyway. However, what should be done, ethically, when someone has faith in something the general public sees as delusional?

[bhsystem]

New to tumblr, may post rambles here, not sure if it’ll be consistent at all. But hey, my name is Christian or Joseph, and I’m the host of a (diagnosed) DID system. In total there’s 16 alters (including me). Please use he/him if you’re unsure of what an alter’s pronouns are, or if you’re referring to us collectively!

I’m 18 years old and going to college at the moment. I’m a bit chronically online (mostly discord). My screen time has been less since school started, at least. I love ranting about things I’m very passionate about, like mental health (or psychology in general) and human rights (LGBT, race, reproductive). I’m autistic and usually hyperfixate on queerbaits or crime/horror tv shows (Hannibal, You, Good Omens, Sherlock, Dexter), but my special interest has always been and will always be cats.

Other alters can feel free to do their own introductions, I know I kinda just focused on myself here. My cat is attached