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buckyscopyofthehobbit · 3 years

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The Last Two Weeks (Chapter 2)

Link to chapter 1:

https://buckyscopyofthehobbit.tumblr.com/post/651773690686636032/a-series-of-events-chapter-1

Italics are the journal entry.

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I didn’t think I really needed to recap the last two weeks for you Jan, I have been seeing you through it all. I know, it’s for me, but I can’t exactly say I wanted to write this down.

So, after I walked into the house…let’s see. I gave myself the standard 5 minutes, which is something my father taught me, 5 minutes to feel whatever big emotions I need to before I get the work done. I could feel the warmth on my cheeks when the tears started to fall as I sat my phone with a five-minute timer. I remember feeling the small splinters from the floor as they went into the skin of my knees when I hit the ground, the burning in my throat which was the only indicator that the noise I could hear was coming from my own mouth, and the deep tightness in my chest unlike anything I had experienced before.

When the tears started slowing I glanced at my phone and was nearly out of time, I went ahead and got moving. First was the police, called them then went to the steps to wait. Along with the police came two vans from the coroner’s office, one van with a CSI, and one other but I’m not entirely sure who was in it. One of the officers sat with me while some others went into the house to start their preliminary search. I know the officer was asking me questions but all I could focus on was the crinkling sound of the plastic as they labeled my home a crime scene and just how fucking loud it was. When I finally turned my attention to the officer, they asked the standard questions about where I was, if they had enemies, and contact information, and then told me that I wouldn’t be able to access the house while the investigation was ongoing. The officers handed me information that I unceremoniously shoved into my bag and then they made their way into the house to help with the search. I stood on the street for a while watching as they loaded our lives into the back of their vans until my legs started to shake like they were going to fold, then I got in my car and drove back to the tower.

There’s no way this happened, I know I can’t go to my home, and I know that even if I could that my parents wouldn’t be there, but there’s no way this is real Jan. They are just on a trip, they used to do this sometimes, they’d come back in a few days this one is just a long one and they’ll be back soon. They will have some crazy explanation for why the police had to take our stuff, I remember this happening once when I was younger and everything worked out, we got everything back and went about our lives like nothing happened, and that’ll happen again, right?

Anyway, when I saw Tony earlier that day he said everyone that normally stays in the tower was away, so at the moment it was just him and Pepper, Bruce, and Happy, with May and Peter stopping by occasionally. I walked in, went up to my room, and climbed into bed. I woke up to Friday asking if I was in the room, but I just ignored her, I should’ve known better because Tony came in a few minutes later.

—

“How’s my favorite science fair project? Tony said as he walked into my room, turning and seeing no more than an outline of me in the bed. “Wait, something’s wrong, what’s going on?”

“Parents are dead, leave me alone Tony.” I said unmoving, hoping he would leave if I told him at least something.

“Funny joke, seriously what’s wrong? I’ve never known you to spend the day in bed.” He walked over and sat on the small sofa underneath the window near my bed, leaning over and pulling the blanket down.

“Not kidding about my parents, also not kidding that I want you to leave.” I said as I pulled the blankets back up and rolled away from him.

Tony sat at the foot of my bed as he said, “No way, you do not get to say something like that and then try to ignore me. I need more information, I need to know who to call, and I can’t do that if you won’t tell me anything y/n.”

I could hear his voice getting louder and more desperate, so I caved in and sat up. Through tears I say, “Fine Tony, when I left here, I went home and they were dead on the floor of the living room. The police don’t know anything, our home is taped up, I can’t go in and get anything, and I can’t see them until after the coroner is finished with the autopsy. That’s it, now I’d like to be left alone.” I laid back onto the bed and heard Tony get up and walk out the door

—

Pepper brought food up to my room a little while later and just left it on my table, she told me that Tony had been on the phone all afternoon and evening trying to talk anyone in to giving him information, but when I didn’t respond she left. I got up and I remember looking at the food but having no interest in it, then stepping on a card that Peter had apparently slid under my door. After tossing the food I crawled back into bed and tried to sleep, but tossed for what felt like hours, so I chanced walking over to Bruce’s lab to see if he had anything that would help. Bruce had something to help me sleep, no idea what, and he didn’t try to get me to talk which I was incredibly grateful for. I went back to my room and laid in my bed staring at the blank ceiling waiting for the relief of sleep. I was almost out when I heard Tony come back in and out of the corner of my eye, I watched him spread blankets on my sofa and make himself comfortable, then I was out.

The next few days continued like this, I spent all of my time asleep, thanks to Bruce. He had left a bottle of Valium outside of my room at some point overnight and Pepper brought them in when she brought me breakfast. Tony and I didn’t speak about him sleeping in my room, we didn’t really speak at all. Bruce didn’t ask questions when I went back to him after just a few days for more pills, and we would sit in silence in his lab while he worked. Pepper forced me to eat when she came in and actually found me awake, but I just picked at my plate, not having any semblance of an appetite. I think it was day 3 or 4 when Tony finally said more than a few words to me, and even then, it was just to tell me that the coroner’s office was still working and that I would be able to see my parents soon.

Day 5 I decided I should probably go back to being a somewhat functioning person, so instead of having pills for breakfast I got up, showered, and put on some actual clothes Pepper had brought in for me. I called you Jan, started seeing you that day via Telehealth (apparently you see people pretty fast if they tell you their parents were murdered) and went to my lab for the first time. I tried to be excited about having this amazingly outfitted lab that other researchers would literally kill for, but just couldn’t get into it. I went to see Bruce again, this time for something I could take during the day (small dose of Xanax) and again he obliged with no questions (should I be outing my newly developed habit to you???) and saw Peter to thank him for the card. By noon I was done and decided that was enough and went back to my room to sleep.

These half-days continued until day 8 when the coroner called and said I could go see them the following day. Bruce could’ve given me one of the tranquilizers he keeps in case of an emergency with the green guy, and I wouldn’t have been able to sleep. Tony and Bruce came with me even though I told them not to worry about it, but it was nice to not have to ride the subway. Bruce waited in the front lobby, while Tony waited in the coroner’s office with one of the examiners getting information on how to get the bodies to a funeral home and all the other information he knew I wouldn’t remember. The other coroner led me into the exam room, and when I saw their covered bodies on that cold sterile table was the first time that day, I had the breath taken from my lungs. In that moment I thought that it wouldn’t be them under the sheets, but two random people. I’d rather my parents be suspects than victims I suppose. The coroner pulled the sheet back, and I immediately felt that chest tightness again, lost all the breath in my lungs, and my stomach turned but luckily the coroner got me a bag before I lost what little breakfast I had on my parents. I still wonder if they were dummies or something, that could be why it took so long, right? After I confirmed that it looked like them, they told me that the preliminary cause of death for both was sudden cardiac arrest, and that they made the decision to recommend continuing the investigation due to the circumstances. I had to go to the police station after and they told me the same thing, that they’re continuing the investigation because of the nature of their deaths, but that so far they haven’t found any blatant signs of foul play. Tony was told that they don’t have a date on when I can have services, and that they’re going to have to send the bodies for additional testing. Our home is still taped off, and I still can’t be in it because they don’t want any disturbances to the scene. After this we went back to the tower, and I went back to sleep.

I’m still not sure about this, they were both incredibly healthy, I don’t see how their hearts randomly stopped beating at the same time. I was still sparring with my dad the day before, my mom had gone on a run with me, they were too healthy to drop dead. I still don’t think they are.

The remainder of the last two weeks have been mostly the same. I’m only awake about half of the day, but I am spending that doing some of my normal activities. However, that’s really just to push my thoughts away. I see you twice a week and that’s really the only time I leave the tower. Bruce keeps me in steady supply, so I see him every few days for a top off and we talk about whatever he happens to be working on. Tony spends some nights on my couch, mostly he just sneaks in to check on me in the middle of the night. Pepper brings me food, clothes, and anything else I need since all of my stuff is behind those loud yellow barriers. Happy will randomly show up with one of Tony’s nice bottles of whiskey and we’ll drink while he catches me up on news. Peter comes and forces me to watch the stupidest movies with him, or he’ll show me his most recent project and ask for my help with it. I’m starting to spend more and more time out of my room, thanks to you, and Tony who keeps telling me if I dent the mattress I’ll have to replace it. I have to admit it is a little nice, but how do I carry on with my life when I’m not sure they’re dead? And if they then something is being covered up.

How do I continue when I feel so empty and alone? I know I’m surrounded by these people that care, but... how do I live without the two most important people? How do I try to pick up the pieces when I am not even sure what pieces are real? What am I supposed to do with the love I had for them?

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