cacospirit

[cacospirit]

got out the seventh chapter of my Nevellara fic yesterday and the first review just dropped

knowing your writing has become so powerful it can obstruct people's ability to complete their daily chores... that shit hits. That is truly an incomparable high

7/8 chapters down, feels crazy that I'm actually almost done

[cacospirit]

Neve: well fuck me if it isn't tuesday

Lucanis: Neve... it's thursday

Neve: ...yes?

Lucanis:

Neve:

Lucanis: Neve do you need a calendar?

[cacospirit]

logging into tumblr like yes i love women and my hobbies include yearning and being silly.

[cacospirit]

on the continuation of Thirst Tweets

great to see how much people liked this series!

originally it was just meant as a single out of pocket joke with Lucanis, but since people really liked that one I figured I could do a couple more. They're really fun to write too, so

these four were the ones that kind of immediately jumped out at me, Lucanis in disbelief, Emmrich overly sweet, Neve as a dommy mommy and Taash as oblivious

they were also loosely based around a real life precursor. Lucanis was Daniel Radcliff, Emmrich was Jeff Goldblum and Neve was Janelle Monáe. Taash is mostly their own thing but Taash just being Taash can usually kinda be written into anything.

I might do a joint one for Bellara and Harding together at some point, but I don't really have clear idea or concept for it at the moment. I don't think I will do Davrin at any point however, I don't really connect with his character to the extent that Id be able to write him into something like this. Same goes for Rook, I don't really see Rook as a character, it's mostly just a blank slate that I write as a POV or a 'straight man' to react to the others.

there are a lot of side characters that I think would be fun to write, but I'm not sure I'd really know them well enough to pull something like this off

also shout out to Julia Louis-Dreyfus for being the original catalyst for all this

I was watching "Julia Louis-Dreyfus settles your disputes" on youtube and I was like "man I wish Julia Louis-Dreyfus would do thirst tweets" and then I was like "wait I'm a writer, I could technically just write that" but then again I'm not really a RPF writer so I wouldn't really be able to write her specifically into that situation

but you know who I could write? My blorbos

[cacospirit]

Taash reads thirst tweets

Taash: Hello my name is Taash, I'm the dragon hunter for the lords of fortune, and I'm here today with LADBible to read... what was it again?

Muffled voice off screen: thirst tweets

Taash: what? Tweets... what are they thirsty for?

Muffled voice off screen: well they're... they're thirsty for you

Taash: thirsty in what way?

Muffled voice off screen: I guess like.. in the way that they want to have sex with you?

Taash: Oh. Why didn't you just say so? I'm Taash and I'm here with LADBible to read sex tweets!

Muffled voice off screen: that's actually not what it's ca

*intro plays*

Taash: "I want Taash to crush my head between their thighs and set me on fire"

Taash: Well... you'd be dead, so. I don't know what you'd get out of that. Except... death, I guess. Probably easier ways to die but yea, sure. You do you.

Taash: "you know Taash is gonna give it to you nasty 'cause nothing hits like that they/them p[BLEEP]y"

Taash: They/them p[BLEEP]y? What? Who uses pronouns for their p[BLEEP]y? Well... I guess technically 'it' is a pronoun, but... you wouldn't refer to your p[BLEEP]y as 'them' that'd be stupid. It's p[BLEEP]y it's not a person.

Muffled voice off screen: just so you know... we can't use that word on air, so every time you use it we have to bleep it

Taash: what? p[BLEEP]y?

Muffled voice off screen: yes.. that word

Taash: you have to bleep that? Why?

Muffled voice off screen: I... they make us do it

Taash: that's weird, so what should I say instead, c[BLEEP]nt?

Muffled voice off screen: well... that's not really...

Taash: sn[BLEEP]tch?

Muffled voice off screen: that's also, kind of, in the same area. So it's... about the same yea

Taash: ok, so like is c[BLEEP]nt better than p[BLEEP]y? Or is c[BLEEP]nt and p[BLEEP]y about the same? Maybe sn[BLEEP]tch is better than c[BLEEP]nt

Muffled voice off screen: just... use whatever you are most comfortable with

Taash: all right... you brought it up

Muffled voice off screen: yea I... I'm starting to regret that now

Taash: We'll move on... "Taash I know you got a horny head but I could give you some horny head"

Taash: ...what?

Muffled voice off screen: horny, like... horns, you got..

Taash: oh, right. Horny like horns, on my head.

Muffled voice off screen: and giving head like...

Taash: yea yea I know what giving head is, it's when you eat p[BLEEP]y. Or c[BLEEP]k I guess, if you're into that. Oh right I'm not supposed to say p[BLEEP]y. What was it I should say instead, c[BLEEP]nt? Was it c[BLEEP]nt?

Muffled voice off screen: either is fine, just...

Taash: I still don't get what the deal is, do you guys not like p[BLEEP]y?

Muffled voice off screen: it's not really about preference, it's more... we have to abide to network regulations

Taash: oh. So the network doesn't like p[BLEEP]y?

Muffled voice off screen: can we just get back to the...

Taash: right right, we gotta get back to the sex tweets. I mean I get it, not everything is for everyone, it just... seems a little extreme, if you ask me. But whatever

Taash: "Taash could swallow me whole in one bite like a vinsomer"

Taash: Well I can't do that... unless you're very small, and even then it sounds kinda gross. Also vinsomer eat fish so... if you typed this then you're probably not a fish because fish can't type, because they don't have thumbs. And again, much like that other one... this would also kill you, you'd die. How are so many of these resulting in death? Do people just not understand the concept of dying? Because that's like one of the most important things to understand if you're trying to live your life. These tweets are kinda vashedan, honestly

Taash: "Taash BIG mommy mommy step on me mommy kgkhldl..." and it's just a bunch of letters, like they just mashed their keyboard or something. I mean, whatever you say, user 'scout_in_Thedas'

Taash: I don't know how I feel about this whole mommy thing, I haven't really thought about it. Because it's just a sex thing, right? People don't really want you to be their mom, they just want you to f[BLEEP]k them with authority. And if it's not about being a mom... then it's not really about being.... a woman. Mommy, daddy... neither really feels... right. Eh, maybe it works. I like f[BLEEP]king people with authority, so... sure. Whatever works. Maybe there is a better term if you're non-binary, I'll have to ask Isabella. Not because she's a non-binary expert or anything, she just knows a lot of sex stuff.

Taash: Oh so this was all of it? Well... that was fun. Some of these got kinda weird, but... that's ok. I know some people like to get weird with it. Even if you're freaky you still got f[BLEEP]k right? These guys know what I'm talking about

Muffled voice off screen: I'm not... I'm not sure that we do

Taash: well you make the show, so. Yea, this has been Taash doing the show where LADBible tracks down people who are thirsty for sex

Muffled voice off screen: can you please not phrase it like that

Taash: isn't that what you do?

Muffled voice off screen: well...

Taash: people like this show, you should be proud

Muffled voice off screen: sure sure, uhm.... it's just a little long

Taash: right right. This has been... Taash with LADBible, doing thirsty for sex tweets

Muffled voice off screen: ...close enough

[cacospirit]

Neve reads thirst tweets

Neve: Hello I'm Neve Gallus here with LADBible and I'm about to read some of their curated Thirst Tweets

*intro plays*

Neve: "Neve could spit in my tea and I'd drink it"

Neve: Cute. Next

Neve: "How Ms.Gallus be missing half a leg and STILL got legs for MONTHS"

Neve: one of life's many mysteries. Next

Neve: "Neve you're my mommy, mommy mommy, you're my mommy mommy mommy"

Neve: proof by repetition, adorable. Aren't these supposed to be thirsty? Come on twitter you can do better than that

Neve: Here we go "bro I'd let Neve Gallus walk me like a dog"

Neve: bro do I look like dogsitter? I don't have time for pets that need maintenance. Why don't you take yourself for a walk and then report back to me what you saw. You can wear a collar, but I'm not holding a leash.

Neve: "I want Neve to freeze me solid and step on me til I shatter like glass"

Neve: no honey, ice doesn't shatter that easily. Have you never held a block of ice before? It's hard. If you want to feel it I'd have to step on you first and then freeze you solid, not the other way around. Think before you post, people

Neve: "I just woke up and I want Neve Gallus to peg me"

Neve: you just woke up huh... and that's the first thing you think of. Well I'm not a morning person so that's not happening. No one is getting pegged before I've had my coffee, I'll tell you that much. Get me my coffee first... and then we can talk.

Neve: "Not to be a simp but I'd let Neve leave me on read"

Neve: you should be a simp, and I will leave you on read. Why are you half-committing to this? Put your back into it or don't bother, Maker

Neve: "Neve Gallus I am just a hole for you"

Neve: A hole to do what?? I could do any number of things to a hole, you need to be more specific than that. Do you know how many operations fail on behalf of lacking communication? This is pathetic, do better.

Neve: "Fun couples activity idea: Lucanis holds back my arms while Neve beats the shit out of me"

Neve: sweetheart you're overthinking this. It wouldn't take the two of us to beat you up. Lucanis could beat you up by himself while I have my coffee, or... I could just freeze your feet to the ground and pelt you with hail, it's much more efficient.

Neve: that's it? That's all you've got?

Muffled voice off screen: well, these are the ones we picked out

Neve: can you tell twitter to try harder next time?

Muffled voice off screen: we... don't really have that kind of authority

Neve: disappointing

Muffled voice off screen: I'm sorry

Neve: No it's fine, it's not your fault. I do appreciate your efforts nonetheless. Thank you so much for having me, and this has been Thirst Tweets

[cacospirit]

Emmrich reads Thirst Tweets

Emmrich: Hello, I'm professor Emmrich Volkarin and today I am joining the LADBible to read Thirsty Tweets

*intro plays*

Emmrich: All right then shall we? Let's get to it... "I think if Emmrich sat me down to talk to me about life-work balance while giving me praise that would fix me"

Emmrich: I think we all can do with a bit of that, now and then. Not because we are broken, but because we are human. The human condition is not something that can be so easily 'fixed' in a one and done sort of manner, rather it requires constant maintenance in form of love and support that we should all strive to provide for each other

Emmrich: Next we have... "Hey Emmrich you're supposed to be a bone expert but I haven't seen you live up to the name. I think you need to demonstrate, preferably on me. Please and thank you"

Emmrich: Ah, a cheeky bit of double entendre going on here, in a quite polite way as well, If I may say so. I suppose common courtesy isn't entirely lost in this digital medium. I would be amiss to not point out that necromancy is not only the study of bones. They are, of course, the vessel, that much is true. But it is what the vessel contains that truly matters, the spirit, the soul. That's what makes necromancy so unendingly captivating, for me at least.

Emmrich: This one, quite succinctly, states "Who is the daddiest of daddies and why is it Emmrich"

Emmrich: A question and its answer, all wrapped up in one. That's certainly a time efficient way to get your point across. I'm not fully confident that I live up to that kind of apotheotic superlative but I could certainly aspire to. The qualities we associate with a paternal figure can of course feel very comforting even as we reach adulthood, and I'd undoubtedly see it as an achievement if I could provide that, especially to Manfred and my students.

Emmrich: And here we have..."Emmrich could throw me into a volcano, resurrect me, and then throw me into the same volcano again and I'd still spend eternity singing his praise in the afterlife"

Emmrich: Oh... we got a bit of... violent imagery going on here. Certainly not unheard of in romantic prose. After all, what is longing if not aching of the heart? Being taken from a loved one can often feel like a dagger to the heart, and quite often I think we feel like we'd rather take the dagger. There... might be a bit confusion here about the nature of necromancy. We can not 'resurrect people' as such, as a spirit is brought to animate a body some may claim, myself included, that the past soul has imprinted in a way on the mortal vessel, but it's not the same person. But... a very passionate proclamation we got here, that is for certain. Not that there's anything awry with that, after all, does not every proclamation of love feel like shouting from the rooftops? We might as well say it with our chest any of the times we are given the opportunity

Emmrich: So, let's see, our next inquirer has as much to say as... "Day 465 of trying to find out if Emmrich has used blood magic to turn me into his se[BLEEP] slave or if my brain is just spaghetti from gooning too hard"

Emmrich: that's... uhm, there is certainly much to unpack here. So... 465 days? That's.... quite a long time for sure, nevertheless.... uhm, yes. Blood magic, I think it's important to recognize that no mage is every truly safe from the allure of its promise of near limitless influence and power. Although... typically it's less often found in necromancers since our usual subjects don't possess blood. I don't practice blood magic, not only because of the deeply unethical aspects of its execution but also... I believe the best way to spread influence is through knowledge, not by some arcane force of hand. So I guess this troubled individual is more inclined to find the explanation of... brain, turned into spaghetti? To hold true here. I suppose at times a state of cognitive disarray can very much feel like our heads contain nothing but a sloppy mess of tangled up thoughts. And... gooning? Goon, like a lackey? Well... in moments of reverence it's certainly easy to get consumed by but one singular thought.

Emmrich: With that out of the way... lets move on to the next one, let's see... "Hey Emmrich how is the lichdom coming along? I could sure use a lich as a dom"

Emmrich: Well... a rather clever rearrangement of words here. Achieving lichdom is not about dominance, regardless of... what the name might imply, if you read it with a certain type of bias anyways. In many ways it's the opposite, becoming a lich is about wanting to protect against the type of forces that seek to achieve... dominance. Not saying that it would be inherently undoable or unethical to have that kind of consensual agreement with a lich, but... it's also certainly not something that follows the title.

Emmrich: Oh, this one looks nice: "Many look at Emmrich and say that sexy does not have an expiration date..." I'd be inclined to agree with that! The nature of human attraction cannot easily be confined as narrowly as our usual societal standards often suggest "...but since there is no way to know for sure I think Emmrich should f[BLEEP]k me raw as soon as possible while we still have time"

Emmrich: well... I.... uhm, there's probably... I don't think there is a need for haste at this very moment. While it is true that we should seize any moment to live our lives to the fullest I don't think... this, is necessarily the logical endpoint of that line of reasoning. But... they do provide some semblance of logical reasoning here, which is of course commendable.

Emmrich: Oh, that was the last one? Well then, we have done what we came here to do. We have read all of the thirst tweets that you have put out there on the internet

Muffled voice off screen: these are just a few that we picked out, there are a lot more than this

Emmrich: Oh there's more? Well, maybe we could say that we have read most of them at least

Muffled voice off screen: well, some of them

Emmrich: some of them let's just say some of them. Thank you to LADBible for having and thank you all aspiring writers for these literary tid bits. This has been thirst tweets

[cacospirit]

Lucanis reads thirst tweets

Lucanis: Hello, I'm Lucanis Dellamorte and I'm here with LADBible to read Thirst Tweets

*intro plays*

Lucanis: All right, here we go... first one, uhm... it just says "Lucanis choke me daddy"

Lucanis:

Lucanis: well... choking is a very slow way of killing someone, if I didn't have my knives I'd much prefer to snap someone's neck. But... in a pinch, if you are out of options, then maybe you could use choking, yeah. Ok, next one...

Lucanis: "Lucanis can stab me in the back as many times as he wants, if you know what I mean"

Lucanis: I... suspect there is a bit of wordplay going on here. You should never need to stab someone in the back multiple times, one or two strikes is all you need. Either one lethal strike to the heart or neck or one incapacitating strike with a follow up to confirm the kill, any more than that is wasting your time. Next

Lucanis: "Hi Lucanis, quick question about your line of work in the crows...." oh, this surely I would be able to answer, no problem "...how much for a contract to murder this p[BLEEP]y. Asking for a friend"

Lucanis: *hides face in palm* Mierda...

Lucanis: Ok so first off, I don't think you're asking for a friend, by the looks of it. Also, that is not the kind of business we run. It definitely could happen that a crow would use sex as a means of social infiltration under a cover to get closer to a target, but you'd have to ask Illario about that, it's not in my preferred method. But thank you for thinking of us, we are always happy to receive new contracts. Next one

Lucanis: "Lucanis could serve me boiled coffee every single day and I'd thank him on my knees for it"

Lucanis: ...on their knees? That's... this is messed up. You don't boil your coffee, you have water that is boiling hot when you filter it, but you don't boil the coffee itself, it will turn sour. You're wasting good coffee, come on. Mierda.. these people.. ok, what do we have more

Lucanis: "Neve and Lucanis are couple GOALS, they are perfect and iconic... " aww, I agree. Neve is a beautiful woman, I am a lucky man to have her "...and I also think they should spitroast me, I mean spitroast me, no not spitroast I mean spitroast, no not..." and it goes on like this... for quite a while

Lucanis: for someone not trying to say spitroast you sure are saying spitroast a lot. uhm... I'm not sure about the logistics of that, I suppose if Neve had the equipment... I'd have to run it by Neve, it's not my decision alone. But thank you for the compliment, she is my light and blessing. Ok, next

Lucanis: ...it just says "Lucanis and Illario Dellamorte step on me challenge"

Lucanis: I don't... I don't understand the challenge. Illario and I do play around sometimes but... it seems like this wouldn't be much of a challenge. Also... Illario and I are cousins, just... I think maybe you forgot about that

Muffled voice off screen: Oh they definitely know

Lucanis: they know??

Muffled voice off screen: that's part of it

Lucanis: what do you mean 'that's part of it'? What do you mean 'that's part of it'??

Lucanis: Ok they're just waving to me to continue, so... I guess we just... move on from this. It might be for the best. So...

Lucanis: "I think Spite often gets misrepresented, just because he looks scary he gets called a demon when he's just a spirit of determination..." it's true. I've talked to Emmrich about this and it's helped a lot in my relationship with Spite. you can see any man as a monster, and any spirit as a demon, but... in large part it's mostly about the circumstances that have have molded you "...and that's why I think after Lucanis is done blowing out my back Spite should take over so he can blow my back out twice"

Lucanis: are these... these can't be real, or like... where do you even find these people?

Muffled voice off screen: this is a common one

Lucanis: this is a common one?? You mean to tell me that multiple people independent of each other are tweeting about... me and Spite taking turns on them?

Muffled voice off screen: yeah I see it all the time

*multiple other voices off screen join in agreement*

Lucanis: ok, that's... I'm glad we can agree on something in these trying times, kind of wish it was something else, but... I guess you take what you can. That was the last one, so... I guess we are done here. Thank you for having me and this has been Thirst Tweets

[cacospirit]

[cacospirit]

the Gelphie/Nevellara crossover that no one asked for

Gelphie posts were largely what inspired me to start writing dialogue posts in this style. Consider this my homage

----

Galinda: How splendacious that you could join us here in our very first meet up for most prestigious witches couples of the glamouriously gay variety

Elphaba: I thought we settled on a shorter name than that

Galinda: No... I don't think so, I would never settle for anything

Bellara: Sorry what is that... the word you're using, 'witches' ?

Galinda: Oh, but witches, witches are what you are, what we all are here. Miraculously magical madames using our... extraordinatious abilities to fill the world with whimsical wonders

Neve: So... magic

Galinda: It is so very magical to be magical, is it not

Bellara: For sure! It's... definitely a uhm, wonderful, thing. We just call ourselves 'mages'

Galinda: Mages? That seems like an awfully made up word

Elphaba: Galinda sweetie, all words are made up

Galinda: No matter! Now that you know that you are witches you don't have to use that word anymore. No need to thank me! I live to elucidicate

Bellara: Right! We'll, uhm, we'll keep that in mind. Can't hurt to know that there is also... that option

Elphaba: You don't... have to use that word. You can of course call yourself whatever you like to

Galinda: But why would they want to use any word other than the correct one?

Elphaba: It's not really about what is correct, it just reflects that different people come from different...

Neve: It's all good. If this is a witches meeting then we can be witches for it, I can work with that, I'm sure Bel can too

Bellara: Oh, absolutely. Either way is fine, really

Galinda: See? No hustle or hassle here, if we are verifiably witches then of course we should be celebrated as such

Elphaba: Well... I guess that works out

Galinda: You must excuse my dear Elphie, she's a bit of a worrier

Elphaba: I'm not a... 'worrier' Galinda, I just try to show concern

Bellara: Oh I'm totally a worrier too, very good at worrying, can tell you that much. Well... maybe it's not good to worry... as much, but, I am definitely a seasoned worrier, lots of.... lots of experience in that area

Galinda: Oh but Neve, then you must understand what I have to deal with. What we do to keep our most cherished one from spending too much time stuck in their head with all these awful thoughts

Neve: I guess I can relate to that. Bel has a tendency to run on full thrust without much pause if no one is there to ground her

Bellara: Yeah... it's true. I'm good at starting things, but then I start too many things and I forget what I started with or when and you know... it kinda.... builds a momentum

Galinda: Oh I know how to keep my Elphie grounded, I grounded her twice this morning before we even got out of bed, if you know what I mean

Elphaba: Galinda! You can't... say that!

Galinda: What? I didn't say that we had sex, I just implied it, it's just a cheeky bit of conversationating

Neve: We're all adults here. I've heard things more intimate in a lesser amount of time

Bellara: Oh me too! I've heard things a lot raunchier than that... well maybe not in real life but.... definitely in literature

Elphaba: Ok that's... good to know. But Galinda can you please... not talk about things that are private to us, maybe?

Galinda: But it's so hard to keep it all locked up in my heart! It would feel sincerely and unfairly cruel if I couldn't speak most freely about all the ways that I love you

Elphaba: Ok that's... that's great Galinda, I love you too sweetie. Oz, I.... I guess this is what we're doing then

Neve: It's quite honestly a bit refreshing to see what it's like to express yourself freely. You'd be surprised how much trouble could be caused by a lack of emotional honesty

Bellara: Yeah... you could say that much

Galinda: Splendid! Just shows how beneficacious it for us to meet and how much we all have to learn from each other, as I intended

Elphaba: Well... I guess it can't derail more than it already has...

[cacospirit]

[cacospirit]

Veilguard (hypothetical for-fun) fan casting

I really like doing fan casts, for fun. This is for a hypothetical movie that will never happen, it's arbitrarily and subjectively chosen. please don't come for me

Havana Rose Liu

as Bellara

Priyanka Bose

as Neve

Oscar Isaac

as Lucanis

Gwendoline Christie

as Taash

Kate Mara

as Harding

Colin Firth

as Emmrich

Michael B Jordan

as Davrin

[cacospirit]

Nevellara "world domination/you are my world" meme

Bellara: So... what do you want to get up to?

Neve: I was thinking... world domination

Bellara: Oh, that's.... that's quite ambitious. I mean... yeah, sure, aim high, why not

Neve: I don't mind an ambitious project... because you are my world

Bellara: Aww, that's so sweet, you are too! I mean, you are my world, not that you are your own world, because.. that wouldn't make sense, or maybe it would I don't know, I just mean in the sense of what I'm trying to....

Bellara:

Bellara: wait

[cacospirit]

[cacospirit]

[cacospirit]

Uncle Eldrin: Herd of Halla? Of course I've heard of Halla, I got a whole flock of them!

[cacospirit]

I didn't really have a clear goal when I started this blog, and I still don't, I just started writing dialogue because I thought it was funny and then kept doing that

coming in with no expectation, and no real prior experience of using tumblr, I must say I was almost overwhelmed by the positivity

all your #asklgklaflga, #LMAO, and #dying that you leave in the reblogs always make my day brighter when I see them. It's things you didn't have to do but you chose to anyways, and I really appreciate it

as a creator, there is no greater reward then knowing that what you create means something to someone

thank you