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.🌸.

love with him feels easy. it feels like sunshine on an early spring morning. soft, warm. light. like a fresh start. new love, just beginning to grow into something bigger, better. happiness. joy. all the good things. no rush, only patience. compassion, understanding, respect. all that and so much more. it almost seems too good to be true, but it is. and you're the lucky one who gets to experience it, with him. all with him. your own little sunshine.

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03:24 - ⭐️

most of the time, he likes his job. but there are days when he hates it. today is one of those days. his backpack feels as if he was carrying bricks, even though it held the same contents as the days before. his feet are dragging over the floor until he reaches the door to your shared apartment.

it’s way too late. he squeezes his eyes shut before blinking, trying to fight off the exhaustion just for a little longer. he enters the pin to unlock the door, trying his best to be quiet as he steps inside. he puts his backpack down slowly, hanging up his coat and removing his shoes after. he tiptoes down the hall to avoid making any sounds. as he passes the living room, the flickering of the TV in the otherwise darkness catches his eye. he halts in confusion. you should be in bed already. moving closer to the couch, the sight of you curled up beneath the fluffy blanket breaks his heart. another reason why he hates his job at times. he never wanted you to wait up for him, yet you always try, despite the late hour. Sometimes you manage to stay awake, other times you don’t. today you didn’t.

your boyfriend sighs sadly, kneeling beside you. grabbing the remote he turns the TV off, the darkness engulfing the both of you. his eyes adjust after a while, and he can make out your sleeping frame. “i’m sorry i keep making you wait,” he whispers, gently running his fingers through your hair. this situation, one that has happened way too many times before, makes his heart churn. pressing his lips together, he stands up, lifting the blanket slightly. trying his best not to wake you, he lays down beside you, not caring about not being washed up. he's tired, and all he wants is to get some sleep with you by his side. luckily for him you are fast asleep, though, as if your body could feel your partner's presence, you subconsciously snuggle against his side as he carefully wraps his arms around you. a sad smile passes over his face and he presses a soft kiss to your forehead. “i’m sorry i can’t give you all that you deserve…”, he mumbles wearily, before he gives in to his fatigue, holding you close.

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11:53 - 🌸, 🎉

"you smell good." this comment comes out of nowhere and you put the potato you just washed into the pot. "uhm, thank you?"

your boyfriend backhugs you, sighing contently as he presses his nose into your hair. "like, really, reeeally good," he mumbles, and you can hear him sniffing you. "stop that," you giggle, trying to move your head away from him, but to no avail. he holds you pressed against his body, his face now buried in the crook of your neck. "don't wanna," he pouts, sniffing you again. "you're weird," you say, grabbing another potato from the bag. your lover only hums, nibbling your neck softly which makes you squirm. "do you think i could get high from this?" he asks after a while. you frown in confusion. "from what?"

"smelling you." at this you burst out laughing. "i think you already are, with the way you're acting right now."

your partner shakes his head. "mh, no, i don't think so. i think i need to smell you more." with that he presses his nose against your neck, rubbing it against your skin. you shudder at the ticklish sensation, softly bumping your head against his. "how about you help me here, hm? lunch isn't going to make itself and you can still smell me later." he grumbles a bit, but ends up letting you go, not after sniffing you loudly one last time, an action that makes you swat against his chest playfully, amused by your lover's antics.

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16:49 - 🌸

the light patter of rain against the windows of your dimly lit apartment added to the relaxing atmosphere you and your partner created for the day. soft music filling the living room, you are both snuggled underneath a blanket, your head resting on his chest. you can hear his heartbeat, a steady rhythm that has you close to falling asleep. you rub your cheek gently against the fabric of his hoodie, tightening your embrace around his torso. a quiet chuckle vibrates through his body as he watches you, nothing but adoration in his eyes. his hand finds its way into your hair, running his fingers through it tenderly. moments like this make you feel like you two are the only people in the world, having all the time there is. just you, him, and your love. nothing else matters as long as you have each other.

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19:38 – 🌸

your boyfriend’s arms snake around your waist as you're waiting in line at the cinema, making you turn to look at him, surprised by the sudden affection. "he keeps staring at you," he mumbles.

"who?" you ask, looking around. "don't look!" he whines, pressing you against his chest. "don't give him attention." a grin finds its way onto your lips. "nawww," you coo, gently pinching your lover's cheek. "is my baby jealous?" his face turns a dusty pink, swatting your hand away. "'m not jealous," he grumbles, urging you forward as the queue advances. "i just don't like them ogling you like that."

you chuckle at his behaviour. "i see," you smirk, giving him a look. he meets your gaze. "what?" you shake your head, amused. "nothing, nothing,", knowing he isn't going to be satisfied with your answer. "come on, tell me," he urges, squeezing you closer. but you shake your head, loving the way how easily he can be teased. “you’re cute like that, is all.”

his lips purse at your words. “i’m always cute,” he grumbles, tickling your sides in protest which makes you squeak. trying to wriggle your way out of his arms, he only holds you tighter against his body, resting his head on top of yours. “i love you,” he mumbles after a moment of silence, pressing a kiss into your hair. this act makes you want to melt. you turn your head to kiss his cheek, feeling the warmth of his skin against your lips. “i love you, too.”

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20:44 - ⭐️

you hate him. you tell yourself you hate him. you want to hate him. but you don't. even after all this time, you don't hate the man you once loved so much, and who loved you. loved. you smile sadly as you watch him beam at the woman next to him, their hands intertwined as if they'd been made for each other. love is a strange thing, really. so pretty, yet so ugly. and so easily gone, too. without a trace. as if it had never been there in the first place. your gaze follows the couple for a while before you turn away, hands in pocket. the snow keeps falling harder as you make your way back home. yes, love truly is a strange thing. you hate him. you want to hate him. but you don't. you can't. because somewhere deep inside, there still is some love, love you never got to fully express. and now you're stuck with it.

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09:56 - ⭐️, 🌸

"it smells good in here." a statement followed by a pair of arms circling around your waist. "it's not for you," you simply say, not giving into his touch. he pauses at that, loosening his embrace a little.

"are you still mad at me?" you frown, focussing on the breakfast you're making in front of you. "not mad, upset." he sighs, letting go of you. a pang of guilt strikes his chest. "i really am sorry about yesterday, i told you that already. i lost track of time and they wouldn't let me go either." you put the spatula down. "just because you apologised doesn't make it okay that you bailed on me last minute." just the reminder of it makes your lover squirm with guilt. you pour the scrambled eggs in a bowl. "you could have at least let me know earlier that you wouldn't be able to make it. i felt like an idiot, waiting for you."

he kneads his fingers. "i know. i could come up with some other excuse right now, but really, there is none. it’s as simple as that. i forgot because i was occupied with work. time slipped my mind, i missed the reminder i set and i only remembered when i saw your calls, and by then i was already too late to make it on time." you listen to him with furrowed brows, grabbing your bowl and moving past him towards the table. "i want to make it right," he continues, his eyes never once leaving your frame. "i know i messed up, and i want to make it up to you." you keep your eyes trained on your food, poking it with a fork. you can feel him looking at you. "please. tell me how i can make things right." your lips press into a thin line. "i don't know. i don't want to talk about it right now, i'll let you know later." his shoulders drop at your reply, disappointment flashing over his features. but you don't see that. "okay," he says after a while, his voice merely above a whisper. he moves to leave the kitchen.

"your breakfast is in the fridge by the way," you mumble before he could leave the room, making him halt. his eyes roam over your features, bottom lip tucked between his teeth. he cautiously steps towards the fridge and opens it, peeking inside. you observe him from where you're sitting. his eyes light up the second he spots the oatmeal.

"i thought you were still upset with me," he says quietly, taking the container out. you huff. "just because i'm unhappy with what happened doesn't mean i don't love or care about you anymore. now eat or i'll eat it myself." you lift the fork to your mouth, but a pair of soft lips against your temple make you stop your movement. "thank you," he whispers. "i really don't deserve you."

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00:00 - 🌸

to me, you're perfect. a neatly crafted work of art, a star sculpted by some higher entity. of course you'll never know, my sleeping beauty. a heart as weak as mine could never tell you outright how much i admire you, adore you, worship you. you're my little gem, hidden away from the world, protected from all harm.

- midnight confessions

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21:17 - ⭐️

he wishes he could kiss your pain away, absorb it all so you could breathe more easily. he feels helpless. your sobs echo through the room, and all he can do is hold you close. rubbing your back soothingly, he places a tender kiss on your temple. "it'll be okay," he whispers, scared he'd cause more discomfort if he spoke any louder. "you'll be okay. i'm here, i got you." your grip on his shirt tightens, a sign you acknowledge his words. he holds you as close as he can, his fingers threading through your hair gently. his heart aches with yours, two souls intertwined. for better or for worse, he silently swears, he'll always be there.

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09:04 - 🌸

you keep your eyes closed, but you can't hide the smile as you feel soft kisses being pressed against your cheek. the faint smell of soap tickles your nose. you open your eyes slowly to peek at your boyfriend. his gaze meets yours and before you know it you feel his entire body weight upon yours. you squeak, although it sounds more like a wheeze. "you're heavy," you grumble, trying to twist your neck into a more comfortable position. "that's all the love i got for you," he retorts and you can practically hear the cheeky grin he most likely has on his lips right now. "whatever..." you manage to get your arms under your head, resting it upon them. "come on," he whines, peppering kisses all over your cheek again. "you love me." you squeeze your eyes shut, a giggle escaping you. "i do," you say. "i'd be stupid if i didn't."

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01:23 - ⭐️

it hurts, you know? seeing you with her. i know you said not to worry about it, but how could i not? i just can't help it. the way my heart aches when i see that smile of yours because of her. the way you look at her. the way you laugh with her. not me. her. i never considered myself the jealous type, but here i am, shedding tears over you. us. you told me you'd be home early. hours have passed, you're still not back. i wish i could say i'm surprised, but i'm not. i noticed the growing distance between us a while ago, watched you slowly slip away. but i stayed silent. i want to tell you, talk to you, about how i feel. but i can't. because right now, all there is is her. and i don't blame you for that. like attracts like. i was never fit for your world, and i'm afraid you finally realised that, too.

- whispers to the empty side of the bed

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15:26 - 🌸

time is slow. days have been long, nights have been longer. your heart aches with heaviness in your chest as another day seemingly passes in silence. still nothing from him. you stare at the screen, the longing getting worse with each passing second. you can't help but feel betrayed. he promised he would reach out the moment he got back. you've seen the pictures this morning. yet your phone has stayed silent, and it seems as if you had to keep being patient. you frown. you feel selfish. he only landed today, of course his first priority wouldn't be you. a sigh escapes your lips as you roll onto your back, contemplating whether you should text him first. just then a knock on the front door rips you out of your thoughts. you hesitate for a second, anticipation suddenly creeping in. you don't want to get your hopes up. you lift yourself off your bed, another knock sounding through the hallway. you hurry, halting for a second when you reach the door. shaking your head to rid yourself of any hope, you open it. and there he stands, dishevelled hair, a smile playing on his lips the second he meets your gaze. you stare at him, heart racing as he takes a small step towards you, his arms opening wide. "did you miss me?"

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17:33 - 🌸

a giggle escapes your lips as you feel his teeth graze your neck playfully, earning a chuckle from his side. "ticklish much?" he asks, barely above a whisper. the raspiness of his voice sends a warm shudder down your spine and you shake your head. "just surprised," you mumble, tugging softly at the tips of his hair. you feel his lips curve into a smile against your skin. he hums. "i like this," he says after a while. you turn your head slightly to see him better. his eyes are closed, but as if he felt your gaze on him, he opens one eye shortly before closing it again. "i like you," he continues. as if to emphasise his words he places a tender kiss in the crook of your neck. you smile sadly. "i'm gonna miss you," you whisper, wrapping your arms around his body tighter. he looks at you, squeezing you gently. his hand finds its way into your hair, massaging your scalp softly. "i'm gonna miss you, too."

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23:51 - 🌙 (mdni)

his eyes are fixed on you the moment you step into the living room. he follows you with his gaze as you make your way towards the window, a short, navy robe hugging your curves just right. you stare at your reflection for a moment before turning towards him. he pauses the game and puts the controller down before leaning back against the couch. his eyes, a tender look, still trained on you. your hand finds its way into your hair, tossing it over your shoulder as you move towards your lover. his eyes narrow, like a cat's, as you step in front of him, playing with the hem of your robe. your smile holds innocence, but your eyes glimmer with a dangerous spark. "wanna play?" you ask, anticipating his answer. his hand reaches for you, pulling you closer towards him by the back of your thigh. he places his chin on your stomach and looks up at you, gently rubbing your skin. "with you, always."

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war is about nothing but man's greedy nature to own.