cassbtw

[cassbtw]

Why do I always do this

Drown myself in another

Incapable of taking things slow

I let them become the air I need

In order to survive this terrible world

Just to feel loved

Just to be seen

[cassbtw]

Dance with me

In the moonlight

As we hum

To the lovely silent songs

Underneath the night sky

Forget with me

At least for a little while

As the stars above us

Continue to fall

And nothing else matters

Except being where we are

Present in the moment

Just you and I

Oh what a great time

It is to be alive

[cassbtw]

I've never been one

To favor the color of brown

But that all changed

when i had the privilege

Of getting lost in your eyes

Brown used to bore me

That is until I met it

in the unique shape of you

It's the result of all the colors

Mixed into one

And maybe that's why

It looks so good on you

There isn't another soul

In this entire universe

That compares to you

I could so easily and happily

Spend the rest of my time

Learning about what makes you, you

-CASSBTW-

[cassbtw]

They’ll say you should have reported it sooner. Then they’ll say it’s been too long. They’ll say you should have said no louder. Then they’ll say you overreacted.

There is no right way to be wronged. And it still wasn’t your fault.

[cassbtw]

This body is my home

The only one I'll ever own

How dare you come in

Without my consent

Took what you wanted

And claimed to be my friend

-cassbtw-

[cassbtw]

Boyfriend after boyfriend

Searching for the one

That'll make her complete

Silly girl don't you know

Living this way

You'll never find your peace

Yeah its love that will help you grow

But not from that stranger on the street

This love is unconditional

And it comes from deep within

[cassbtw]

You'll find me

In a field of wildflowers

Trying my hardest

To become one with the bees

Wandering around

With my handmade flower crown

You can find me

In the backyard

Underneath the trees

Picking up all the

Fallen baby leaves

Surrounded by nature

With all the

Ordinary and little things

Is my favorite place to be

Whether it's

Reading a book

In the summer breeze

Or finding oddly shaped rocks

You know the everyday things

People tend to oversee

And this, my dear,

Is the secret to living peacefully.

-cassbtw

[cassbtw]

I confided in you

You sat there beside me

As I cried to you

About the encounter I had

With the pervert

Who used to touch me inappropriately

On my days off of school

You quietly listened

Until my story telling was through

You allowed me to vent

It all out to you

We agreed upon how

It was such a fucked up thing to do

Then kindly asked me

If I thought I'd be alright

Had me fully convinced

That I could trust you

And this information you surely knew

When you invited me to spend another night

Getting fucked up with you

Many people warned me

To stay away from you

But still I continued

To be a blinded fool

Because I honestly thought

There was still some good

Left in you

That is until the night

You showed me the ugly truth

As you patiently waited

For the drugs I consumed

To do what they do

Then made your strike

When there was no longer a fight

Unconscious I lay

As you made me your prey

Helpless and defeated

Prayers are much needed

Because ever since that night

This body is no longer mine

-cassbtw

[cassbtw]

So many thoughts

That I can't form into words

Overwhelming emotions

That leave me feeling nothing

Someone please tell me

How to forget

Id say this is no way to live

But something keeps telling me

I'm already dead

-cassbtw

[cassbtw]

All this year

I've been steady

Trying to run

From all this pain

I still feel deep within

"one day at a time"

Is the mindset I have to keep

If I even want to

Feel like I can still breathe

"one day you'll be okay"

They keep telling me

But I guess only with time,

We'll see

-cassbtw

[cassbtw]

I can hardly remember

What life was like

Before you managed

To take over my mind

Now it's mostly sleepless nights

And whenever I can

Finally get some shut eye

The night terrors begin

As my unconscious mind

Replays the night

That a part of me died

-cassbtw

[cassbtw]

I was raped

Only a day before New years arrived

Quietly I packed my bag

And ran to a place

I knew no one would find me

Because I no longer felt safe

In the town that I grew up in

All because of this

One fucked up dude

And what was hurting me the most

As I was preparing

To expose my truth

Wasn't even what I went through

It was imagining the pain

My parents were about to feel

Because I couldn't imagine

Having a little girl

And finding out one day

That I couldn't protect her

From the bad guy

-cassbtw

[cassbtw]

My teen years were spent

Suicidal and depressed

I never believed

Id make it to 18

So no plans were made

In who I wanted to be

My days were numbered

Therefore I wouldn't be around to see

So imagine the shock I felt

When I awoke one day

And suddenly I'm 23

-cassbtw

[cassbtw]

Robbed...

Of her voice, want to live and dignity

All in the span of an hour

She never felt so powerless

Living in a world with such hungry men

Who take what they want

Even after being told no

As if it was owed to them

-cassbtw

[cassbtw]

What kind of monster

Do you have to be

To watch a little girl grow up

And before she even becomes a teen

Decide she'll be the one

To keep your sexual perversion

As a secret that'll later haunt her dreams?

As you slowly move in

To touch her quite inappropriately

At the precise moments

You knew no one would see

Then moved far away

Before she was old enough

To understand how disturbing

Everything you did to her truly is

But she's older now, you see

Therefore she's had some time to think

Now escape with me for a moment

Into her troubled mind so you'll see

What questions have been stuck on repeat

"why did you choose me?

Is it because you already knew

Fear would leave me unable to speak?

How many other children

Have you stolen their innocence

Only to hold it just out of their reach?"

And after years of fighting this demon

She finally knew how to make him claim defeat

She looked him dead in the eyes and whispered,

"I've held on to this burden of a secret

For far too long

When it was never even mine to keep"

And suddenly

I was free

-cassbtw

[cassbtw]

Not once did i have to think twice

About simply doing what's right

How could I remain silent

If there's even the slightest chance

My voice might save someone's life

Because what's done in the dark

Will always be brought to the light

-cassbtw

[cassbtw]

One of the worst

Years of my life

Was 2018

The year my cousin

Learned how to fly

When all the people I grew up with

Was out there experiencing life

I spent my early adult years

Locked in my bedroom

Trapped in my mind

Learning first hand

What survivors guilt felt like

-cassbtw