cinnam0thoughts

[cinnam0thoughts]

set me free from the agony that’s your memory.

tienes familia o tienes domingos?

I’m sorry for every person I’ve ever loved.

nunca sé cómo responder a las cosas que no has dicho.

my place is full of things you should’ve taken with you.

another person has told me to step back and suddenly everyone i’ve ever loved is in the room.

[cinnam0thoughts]

yo te amo y tengo mucho miedo de que eso no sea suficiente.

no quiero jugar a héroes y villanos sólo para pertenecer a tus manos.

[cinnam0thoughts]

my mother met love and married my father

my father love into his daughter

my mother hates me looking like him

my father hates me replying back unlike her

love has always been a scary thought

‘cause i figured hugs were harmful before they were warm

and who would’ve thought a twin-size bed was supposed to be a place to rest

heating battles and cold war mornings

never more than 3 words for a sentence

unless, of course, you want to scream

your soft, light-weighted love is scarier than the blows on the table

why is it so quite? is it because you are mad?

how am i supposed to know if you don’t yell at me

how long are you gonna hold my face like this, when is the punch going to hit

why are your kisses so warm? are you setting me on fire?

[cinnam0thoughts]

i’ll break both of our hearts, i’m that reliable

[cinnam0thoughts]

Tal vez le hablo tanto de ti a las estrellas

esperando que algún día

ellas pronuncien las palabras que tú me decías.

Te voy a amar toda la vida, te voy a ver en cada cruce, y en cada persona que me ha lastimado.

Te voy a amar toda la vida, y me voy a arrancar los ojos mientras lo hago, para no tener que ver nunca quién soy sin ti y para nunca volver a verte siendo alguien que no es yo.

Me voy a ahogar en las lágrimas, sólo para descubrir si todavía flotan tus recuerdos.

Y cuando lo hagan, dejaré que vuelvan a consumirme, y diré que me salvaron, olvidando que pude nunca haberme ahogado en primer lugar.

Te veré en los árboles y en las calles que visite, en las personas que conozca, y dejaré de temerle a los fantasmas si todos lucen como tú.

Tú tendrás tu vida y yo sólo tendré este momento, desde hoy y para siempre tú estarás de fiesta, de viaje, de luto y yo simplemente estaré extrañándote.

[cinnam0thoughts]

es que tú no entiendes, ni con tus mejores intenciones puedes simplemente pasar por la calle que trato de arreglar como si fuera cualquier otra avenida, como si estuviera hecha para caminar, no entiendes que ni tus árboles ni tus flores van a arreglar los hoyos en el pavimento. Y no trato de culparte por sólo conocer calles bonitas, sólo pido que tengas compasión porque para ti podrá ser pasar por esta calle,

pero aquí es donde yo vivo, y seguiré viviendo aquí incluso cuando tú te vayas, para entonces no sólo tendré que cuidar de los hoyos en el pavimento, sino también de las flores y árboles, cuyas raíces calan profundo en las heridas de mi corazón.

debe ser otra maldita jugada de esta vida, el que se nos arrebate lentamente por algo hermoso.

[cinnam0thoughts]

I've spent years hating the sun, I forgot it could actually feels nice. I guess what I really hated was the sunbeams piercing through the window of my room at my parent's house, always hot and sometimes burning Always a despicable place to be, but the only one i could tolerate. If world outside was hell, then my room was just a fire, or a little stop by the road, first road next to the embers. I always thought I'll be better in. The flowers were blooming, and I was killing myself.

[cinnam0thoughts]

i wasn't my mother's favorite kid, but I am mine. and sometimes, that's the best thing that could've happened, sometimes that's just enough.

[cinnam0thoughts]

Note 12.2.22

There’s nothing left for me.

Nothing but hate.

And I’m so full of it.

I just want to watch it burn

so aimlessly; I want to feel the heat of the flames, close enough to touch. I want them to burn my skin and slowly peel it out. I want to go along with my revenge.

And it’s hot and it burns, but it doesn’t hurt, it’s beautiful. Everything that once hurt me is now so bright, so palpable. I wasn’t lying. This is my damage. It’s real. I wasn’t lying. And it’s hurting me for the last time, except I’m the one who caused it. I’m the libertarian of my freedom by the same methods I was reluctant to, the only ones I know. violence.

[cinnam0thoughts]

“I realized people dream when they got someone who treasures them (…). When you're alone the only dream you dare to concibe is to escape, there's no happy ending or so call journey of the hero, just runaways… endless, abrupt runaways.”

[cinnam0thoughts]

[cinnam0thoughts]

i feel attacked

Scene Prompt

“Did you ever love me? Even if it was just for a day. A moment…” The question B wasn’t asking hung in the air, a sort of plea: Was I ever enough for you?

A desperately wanted to say, Yes, you were more than enough, more than I could ever ask for. All of what you did wasn’t for nothing. I was yours. But B deserved the truth no matter how much A wished the lie could be real.

“No, not like you loved me. Believe me, I tried like hell. I wanted so badly to be someone that loved you, someone that could give you the happiness you deserve. Maybe that’s it’s own type of love, but whatever it is, it’s all I have.”

- Lynn

[cinnam0thoughts]

"Love conquers everything”

And as in every conquest

there's blood, there's death and there's grief.

[cinnam0thoughts]

what’s that quote that’s like “we’re soulmates, but that doesn’t mean it works… it means our souls can’t stand to be apart” ???

[cinnam0thoughts]

Don't ask me what I want

don't ask me what I want just so can say what you wish for me

don't ask me about my dreams and hopes

when you just want to put yours in their place.

How can I share you my thoughts and fears

if they don't coincide with yours.

Would you believe I'm afraid of failing? Would you agree I'd be good at it?

Would you listen

Dad, would you listen?

Or will you just wait for your turn to talk.

[cinnam0thoughts]

maybe the reason I hurt everyone I try to love is because I know that if they hurt me first i'd be like: yeah, ok, i crave for love so let's try it again, idc.

[cinnam0thoughts]

All these years pain made me so miserable, I never came to think if I've hurt you too. Did I hurt you too? Did I hurt you first?

Am I the reason you left?

Was I, not only not good enough, but bad enough for you to leave? Was it my fault? Have you blamed me all these years the way I blamed you?

Am I the reason people can't love me?

It was all because of me?

Tell me. Please, tell me if it's all because of me. Tell me if I will ever be loved again.

Just Now. Answer me this.