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I got chiikawa brain worms? Help?

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Sorry if this is wrìten horribly I'm in a rush, I have therapy soon.

So me and my friend were talking and I asked him to join vc... I kindaaaa begged? Well, all I said was "please" and "join." And I get how begging can be annoying. He said he had studying to do for exams. TOTALLY UNDERSTANDABLE. I said to study in vc, not odd because he has before and even offered to do so before. He said no, then we started talking about his work ethic, and he was all like "its a good work ethic." Blah blah blah blah- and then I said "uh huh." BECAUSE I KNOW HE PROCRASTINATES N SHIT. Later he sent me really pissy messages about how he didn't appreciate me saying "uh huh" and how I was annoying him, saying "I do not want to hear you saying my work ethic is bad, please stfu, my god." So ouch that hurt. The point being I can't handle when people are slightly mad at me because now I find myself rethinking everything, and I feel like an asshole. My doctors suspect I have BPD, but I can't get officially diagnosed till 18, so we will see in a year.

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★ Vocaloid blinkies ! (,,>ω<)ノ♪♬♫ f2u! credit appreciated but not needed ─ .★

also check out my other vocaloid blinkies !! (3 seperate links to posts)

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I feel like throwing. Actually throwing up. I’ve talked to my boyfriend so many times about how I don’t want kids, about how I don’t think I could ever be a parent. Then, while I was high, I found out that he does want them. Even in that state, my stomach dropped. He kept talking about how much he wanted me to be pregnant with his child, and I felt so uncomfortable. We’re sexual a lot, but often it feels like I’m being sexualized more than love. It’s like the balance between sexual and romantic attention is off. I’ve told him how much I miss the romance, how I want him to flirt with me like he used to, but he just says, “Well, I already have you.” Every time he says that my stomach twists. I love him. I really do. But I wish I felt seen.

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I need fangs I need fangs I need fangs I need fangs I need fangs I need fangs I need fangs I need fangs I need fangs I need fangs I need fangs I need fangs I need fangs I need fangs I need fangs I need fangs I need fangs I need fangs I need fangs I need fangs I need fangs I need fangs I need fangs I need fangs I n

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Another advice for girls and young women: love and sex is supposed to be fun, happy and make your life better. If it’s not, if it’s making you miserable, if it’s making you love yourself less, if it’s making you doubt yourself, and if you feel like you have to sacrifice yourself or put up with things you don’t want to, you are absolutely entitled to throw it out from your life. In fact, you should, because your life is so, so valuable and you have the right to be happy. Being a girl does not mean having to accept misery and pain, even if that’s what we’re often taught. You are allowed to decide what comes into your life. Let it be happy and beautiful.

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In regards to working :/

Working is one of the things I struggle with, working as in: working on my relationship, starting a job, and working on my mental issues.

Talking with my therapist about things I already know, how I give up easily, how I avoid the smallest of things cause I cant stand getting hurt in anyways way, how I care to much. I she even noticed how a lot of people don't really see that about me cause I use jokes and sarcasm, honestly writing this out I feel basic.. This seems like every depressed person ever y'know?

We talked a lot about avoidance, then we talked about avoidance in my relationship. I told her I'm working on it.. I built a system! About how when things get to much I'll tell my boyfriend I need alone time, or just when I want to be alone honestly. And that when I have to talk about something hard I talk about it slowly, taking pauses to breath or gather my thoughts. It works, I'm getting better at being open. One thing I noticed is when talking about my boyfriend regarding to when I need alone time it remind me of the current relationship with my dad.

NOW NOT IN A WEIRD WAY LOL! With my father he is always occupying the second floor of my house, sitting, watching TV, or working. I feel like I'm interrupting just by being there, that I have to act a certain way not to disturb him. I feel like that with my boyfriend... I feel as if (since we are on call cause long distance) -me typing or eating is loud, as if the noise takes up space.. Like it will irritate him like how it does my father.

Maybe I just have an issue with male figures in my life, ones with some importance to me... But Im working on it.

sorry for any bad grammar

I need to work on it

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IM NOT A WHORE 😭

Intro / Needed information

This will just be thoughts (Probably depressing ones lol) , just my life!

You can call me Con or Con-Artist, I use He/They prns, I'm 17.

I have chronic depression which is why I'm making this blog (is this a blog?) OH AND ALSO I'm very dyslexic.

[conartists-portfolio]

Intro / Needed information

This will just be thoughts (Probably depressing ones lol) , just my life!

You can call me Con or Con-Artist, I use He/They prns, I'm 17.

I have chronic depression which is why I'm making this blog (is this a blog?) OH AND ALSO I'm very dyslexic.