cynicalcharisma - Tumblr blog

[cynicalcharisma]

We need to free ourselves from the habit of seeing culture as encyclopedia knowledge, and men as mere receptacles to be stuffed full of empirical data and a mass of unconnected raw facts, which have to be filed in the brain as in the columns of a dictionary, enabling their owner to respond to the various stimuli from the outside world. This form of culture really is harmful, particularly for the proletariat. It serves only to create maladjusted people, people who believe they are superior to the rest of humanity because they have memorized a certain number of facts and dates and who rattle them off at every opportunity, so turning them almost into a barrier between themselves and others.

Antonio Gramsci, The Antonio Gramsci Reader: Selected Writings 1916-1935

[cynicalcharisma]

literally my type in men

"I love him so much" and then it's a sad man who died hundreds of years ago.

[cynicalcharisma]

sorry for ignoring all of you guys i had become a twitter whore yes i didn’t expect it from me either

[cynicalcharisma]

yes thanks for lovebombing me and destroying my self esteem, never again honey 💕

[cynicalcharisma]

i miss pinning him against the wall and kissing him while he tries to hold my hand and i take it away and hold is against the wall because that’s how it’s supposed to be. then i put him on my bed while i get on top of him and fuck him straight and he just behaves. nothing has turned me on more.

[cynicalcharisma]

impulse booked some trips to Paris, Berlin and Rome. I think we’ve indeed moved on to bigger and better things and I’m not sure how to feel about it and I’m worried how I’ve exams and I’m worried about how to deal with time management of it all but I think I’ll figure it out so I’ll think about it later I’ll be okay everything will be okay

[cynicalcharisma]

he’s so mentally secure and was raised in such good conditions that he doesn’t even get the concept of reassurance and I’m not sure how am I supposed to explain this to him and be vulnerable to tell him how him being dry and inconsistent with texts throws me off so bad and makes me think he doesn’t want me anymore lol

[cynicalcharisma]

dude I’m genuinely so exhausted and annoyed with everything that I’ve going on, like I legit don’t know what my problem is. I’ve to study for a few exams and now I decide is the time to decide what I wish to do for my career, which is so dumb and this has always been a pattern for me. Moreover I’ve so much shame about how I can’t live in constant misery anymore and how I try to make my life easy, I feel horrible about making my life easy? It’s like I want to suffer and I want it to stay bad because how the fuck could I order food when I didn’t want to have, how the fuck did I order clothes when I already have some, why the fuck am I doing anything at all. I don’t know when this shame and self inflicted pain would end because I’m just getting exhausted now and I can’t deal with so much shame.

[cynicalcharisma]

don’t want to do academia, can’t deal with mind numbing imposter syndrome because my prof mentioned an exam and now i’ve to overachieve south asian eldest daughter my way out of it (i am in europe, no one gives two craps about my grades, it’s just me and the voices)

[cynicalcharisma]

time has finally arrived for me to stop tweeting and start using tumblr again and cry about everything because i cannot do this anymore, this is gonna be my life diary now lessgooo

[cynicalcharisma]

[cynicalcharisma]

ok i can’t find the gif but currently in my feels about mae saying “i’m not a boy. i’m not even a girl. i’m like a failed version of both” and i’m sad about it

[cynicalcharisma]

I think I’m getting a bit out of hand with my alcohol consumption and clubbing and more of alcohol consumption. I think I may or may not have solved calculus problems while being drunk which needless to say is extremely concerning. Moreover a drunk text which I sent to this guy is attached below so that I remember the shit I’m pulling in life.

[cynicalcharisma]

dude are u kidding me, my boy and girl in same frame??? 😭😭

It's the briefest of interactions, but Damiano & Taylor Swift during Måneskin's VMAs performance 😘🥰🥰🥰

[cynicalcharisma]

now that i’m close to leaving my country, i cannot help but feel like it won’t happen. smth will go wrong preventing me from going on. the catastrophisation and anxiety is getting to me and i’m genuinely not sure how to deal w it in a healthy manner. when will trauma ever leave me? just super exhuasted.

[cynicalcharisma]

leaving ur country does feel surreal at times. like i have looked forward to this day where i’d leave the violence and trauma behind (at least physically if not emotionally). now that it's coming near i have so much cold feet. maybe i don't want to leave. maybe i’ll miss the food, the weather, the language, and so much more.

[cynicalcharisma]

dude I am so tired and overstimulated with the never-ending socialisation and pre-moving bureaucratic bullshit. i don't know why i have to go to so many places all at once before i finally leave. all of it sucks. i am genuinely so tired. throw me to europe already.