divinebeing29

[divinebeing29]

[divinebeing29]

I am such a fucking loser like i bitch and moan about stuff and still rot in bed for hours. I physically am not able to do things i think i should. My brain makes it difficult for me to get up even when i am crying for my body to move.

What to do?

[divinebeing29]

I just wanna run away. From this town to a big city maybe mumbai. Where there is loudness. So much loudness that my voices in my brain are not heard of again. Have a small flat with a view of the city. Dreaming is mankind’s biggest win

[divinebeing29]

Bheem: God, give me patience.

Duryodhan: I think you mean 'give me strength'.

Bheem: If God gave me any more strength, you'd be dead.

[divinebeing29]

Damn…

[divinebeing29]

[divinebeing29]

I hate this. I had a little fight w/ my dad and we have been on non talking terms. Not the first time. But this time My aunts are calling me telling me to forgive my dad. My mom is saying that i am ruined her vacation (My dadi is visiting her other children so she calls this a vacation we are in the house.) it sucks. That everything you do ruins your parent’s life. I cant be angry at him cause he is financing everything. Can’t earn right now cause i am not responsible enough. I have to be trauma dump for my mother. Well because she brought me in this world. God I wish she hadn’t

[divinebeing29]

I cried so much today that my undereyes are all scratched up. Now my tears are hurting me as they fall tf!?

[divinebeing29]

I’ll wait..

[divinebeing29]

Me fr

[divinebeing29]

2024 is ending. I learned a lot and if i look back i would not change anything. I am who i am because of my choices and will live them. Hopefully though 2025 would be much better. I will make dad proud and happy. I will get slimmer just like my mom wishes.

[divinebeing29]

Ishan Kishan is with SRH now ig i am too👅😛

[divinebeing29]

This>>>>

[divinebeing29]

‘Oh you are an only child how lucky’

Yeah, what happens when i am exhausted? Who helps me? What if i make a mistake which i am not supposed because i am my dad’s perfect child? Who would guide me? What if i lost myself who will bring me back? I dont have siblings to ground me, to hold me, to teach me.

I am not an only child. I am a lonely child.

[divinebeing29]

‘Atleast your dad is present’

Financially - yes

Emotionally- no

[divinebeing29]

Books ruined me. I read all these novels about how the man can burn the world for his girl. How he sees her and only her. His eyes soften. He craves her. He will die without her. Books ruined me because i know these things will never happen to me. And i hate it.

[divinebeing29]

I live with anxiety.It has become a constant part of me. So much so that that is my normal. Being calm is the attack part