dopeassshyemocats

[dopeassshyemocats]

Low rise jeans are in, I just saw MCR live and we get new Star Wars content,, life in the early 2000s is great

[dopeassshyemocats]

Obi-Wan Kenobi and Duchess Satine idk didn’t watch clone wars

[dopeassshyemocats]

Fuck you my child is completely fine!

Your child listend to coraline ten times in a row

[dopeassshyemocats]

Everyone: argues which måneskin member is the hottest

Me, who just wants to get passed around like a joint: 👁👄👁

[dopeassshyemocats]

Eurovision this year was like picking a country for summer holidays: it’s a tie between France and Switzerland, but somehow I end up in Italy, cause the vibe is right and the guys are hot

[dopeassshyemocats]

The businessman

I wake up.

It is three o’clock, everything is dark. I am covered in cold sweat, but my bed is warm and cozy.

I stick out my arm, searching for the light switch.

As I reach out something grabs my hand. I know what to do. I firmly shake the thing. After all you have to make a good first impression and confidence is key in this regard.

I start to process what just happened.

“My apologies,”, I say, “shaking hands is not an appropriate greeting during a pandemic.”

“No need to apologise.” Says a raspy voice under my bed. “It was my fault, force of habit, you know? May I interest you in a one month trial of haunting free nights as a sign of my sincere regret?”

“That would be quite considerate. Thank you.” My answer is nothing more than a whisper as I fall back asleep.

The following morning I doubt that any of this has ever happened.

One month later I wake up. It is three o’clock, everything is dark. I am covered in cold sweat.

Something is floating at the end of my bed. It is wearing a mask.

I just love working with professionals.

[dopeassshyemocats]

My ten year old brain saw Sirius Black in Prisoner of Azkaban and was like that’s gonna be my beauty standard for men.

Then my twelve year old brain saw dirty Aragorn in lotr and was like YOUR JUST PROVING MY POINT!

[dopeassshyemocats]

I really want to be a spoon right now

[dopeassshyemocats]

Ah..... my favourite type of life hack: “buy a thing” and “correctly use the thing”

No context required

[dopeassshyemocats]

Do you mean:

???

[dopeassshyemocats]

We got new soap and it smells so goooood,, you can’t imagine the amount of self control it takes to not drink it

[dopeassshyemocats]

Me on Saturday *watching The Hunger Games*: they stormed the Capitol :)

Me yesterday *watching the news*: they stormed the Capitol :(

[dopeassshyemocats]

We all know Facebook moms, but why does no one talk about eBay dads?

[dopeassshyemocats]

I’m so fucking close to writing a Wattpad y/n fanfic about Jesus.

Canon Jesus tho, not fanon Jesus... idk I just think my boy jc would treat me right......

[dopeassshyemocats]

Just found out that Devon Bostik (Rodrick Heffley) is still hot. Nice to know that some things don’t change

[dopeassshyemocats]

Oh to have a ring like this:

I don’t smoke, but imagine the 𝓪𝓮𝓼𝓽𝓱𝓮𝓽𝓲𝓬

[dopeassshyemocats]

Mood