educatedhomemaker - Tumblr blog

[educatedhomemaker]

I know they say when you figure out what it is that you want to do just go for it. At the same time they tell you to only focus on one thing, so you actually end up successful.

Well, then there’s me, who’s only listened to the part when they say don’t always put all your eggs in one basket. I feel like I’m trying to accomplish so much right now because my life’s been twisted turned upside (cue Fresh Prince of Bel Air theme song). I also feel it’s super important to have multiple ideas working as long as I can stay focused.

I don’t want to feel stagnant anymore. I don’t want to feel stuck anymore. I want to have options. I want to have growth.

[educatedhomemaker]

I’m really stressed today, and contemplating my life choices has been my biggest obsession lately.

I started a new job that might be difficult to navigate. I want to nanny, but I have a misdemeanor from 6 years ago that needs to be expunged before I can move forward. And I’m going to be moving out of state again within the next few weeks, which will cause me to lose my solid support. I’m very nervous to do this with my 9 month old, but I know it has to be done.

Looking at God for strength and wisdom.

[educatedhomemaker]

I drove 3 hours yesterday to fill out a petition for a personal protection order to turn around and drive back.

It rained the entire time with temps just over 32 degrees. I cried and prayed and cried some more. My anxiety was at an all time high, “will you make it!?” It screamed at me.

Upon arrival more obstacles: late to appointment, no one to help me fill out my answer form, can’t sit in the cafe without ordering anything (I’m currently broke and living off $10 gift cards from Allstate🤦🏻‍♀️😂), my parking meter ran out, they wouldn’t make me copies, security made me take off my shoes ALL THREE TIMES I went through, my car tried to connect to my ex’s phone when I started it up(FEAR) then the lady at UPS said I didn’t have to pay for my copies. That was my sign. Her action was God giving me light on a very physically and mentally exhausting day.

I missed my babe so much during those 10 hours. However, I knew that taking this next step to improve her overall well being was superior to anything.

I safely made it back with my pride intact with a reestablished strength.

I can do anything I put my mind to. And so can you!

[educatedhomemaker]

Being a mother is rewarding in so many different ways. At best, I’m a teacher and at worst I’m just a protector.

Raising a little one means making sacrifices you never thought you could. It means not being selfish and doing everything on your part to be the best version of yourself.

God asks us to be leaders not followers, or as my church would say hero makers instead of being the hero’s of our own stories. Being a parent means you are a hero maker every single day, so make it count!

[educatedhomemaker]

Trigger Alert

If you read my journal aka my notes in my phone (only safe place for my thoughts to unwind) from months ago, you’d realize that I was in a domestic violence relationship.

The entries are so deep, so personal, and so embarrassing all at the same time. When you’re under someone else’s control, you don’t realize until after you have gotten away (if you get away). I’m struggling not to give in to him, and by giving in I mean continuing that there’s hope for this relationship to work out because “I love him,” because we have a child together, because he can support us financially, because he is my comfort zone, because I can go on forever with reasons/excuses of how to make that relationship work, BECAUSE I AM TRAPPED.

I’m ashamed of all the friends, jobs, and family I’ve lost during the past four years of my life. However, I am grateful that I’m getting out now before my life is lost.

I am eager to seek therapy and support groups. I am eager to get my life back and not be afraid of being home alone for fear he’ll show up. I am eager to not question myself about my decisions because of what he might think, or have to explain myself to him.

But, I’m still scared.

[educatedhomemaker]

I know I’m blind, but even when I have my glasses on, I still sometimes think I see something tiny crawling near by out of the corner of my eye? What the heck.

[educatedhomemaker]

I’m a proud parent!

My daughter just fell asleep for like the first time in her life on her own. She didn’t need a nursing session, to get rocked to sleep, or held. I know I enabled those sleep associations myself, but when you just need a baby to sleep so you can sleep, you get desperate sometimes. *shrugs*

At the babe’s 9 month check up this week, my lovely pediatrician asked if she was sleeping through the night. My response was, “Is she supposed to be??”

She suggested I first shorten her nursing sessions at night to less than 5 minutes, so the baby decides it’s not worth it to wake up. The second thing is to cut the first nursing session and the rest will surely follow.

Well folks, after night two of removing the first nursing session and only allowing a short session halfway through the night, the babe is falling asleep on her own!!! HALLELUJAH PRAISE THY LORD!

[educatedhomemaker]

Yesterday my mom shared her dream with me. Then she googled what it meant, which I knew would just freak her out because that’s what we do in our family. Despite: do not believe everything you read on the internet! We do it anyways...

ANYWAYS, the metaphor was related to a scar healing and emotional stress in her life. She questioned why am I going through more or less the same things she went through with my father.

It is a totally different situation with some similar traits; however, she is/was sickened by these unfortunate circumstances. And my response was, “Mom, you probably went through it so you could know exactly what to do when it happened to me.”

I have a wonderful support system, and to me that’s all I really need to raise a beautiful young woman. Everything else will fall into place. Just share your story! You never know who it could help!

[educatedhomemaker]

You’ve officially accomplished single parenting when you have mastered how to use a public restroom while holding a baby.

No steps skipped either.

[educatedhomemaker]

My daughters father just served me papers for joint custody, and I don’t think he’s adequate. What do I do?

[educatedhomemaker]

No Shame Facts of The Day

1. Keep baby in smallest size diapers as long as possible because there are more in a pack

2. Not changing baby’s clothes every single day (unless necessary) because it’s just not a pleasant thing to do when a child is screaming and kicking you

I can’t be the only one!

[educatedhomemaker]

Don’t trust the maintenance man.

I don’t care if someone you know referred him. I just had two men in one of my properties for over two days with four tasks. They told me 3/4 were complete. Guess what, only half of the items got completed. What did they do all day yesterday? Honestly, I have no clue. How do you find a worthy maintenance person/contractor?

[educatedhomemaker]

Facing Fear

Everyday there are things we are afraid to do.

Yesterday, I was inhibited to leave the house because I was told I would have a car to use, but then it was taken anyway. Then to make matters worse, a car seat was not left so that we could travel via Uber or run errands with a friend. I was so frustrated by this matter that I decided it was going to be the day that I learned how to take the bus. Yes, public transit!

Now it should be noted that depending on the time of day, where you get off, and how long you hang out at the transfer stations, it could be deemed dangerous for a young mother and infant child to ride the bus. I was determined and fearless. I mean the drivers were friendly, and there were cameras. People take the bus everyday. Everything will be fine!

Although I was frowned upon by my child’s father and questioned why I didn’t ask permission first, I believe I made the right decision to face my fears yesterday.

My daughter and I had a lovely day at the library. I then REWARDED MYSELF (this is important!) by taking us out to lunch for my bravery, so I have another reason to face my fears in the future.

Don’t let anyone hold you back. Don’t let your anxiety hold you back. You’ll never know how much you’re capable of accomplishing!

[educatedhomemaker]

Dysfunctional Family

I know you’ve read those posts that say, “if you come from a broken family, don’t let a broken family come from you.”

Well I’m at a breaking point, clearly. Because in two days, I am about to sit down with my “in-laws(child involved),” and spit out all the crap they’ve told me individually for the past 4 years. I’ve heard so much about each other from each other I could write a book on this matter, and particularly what it has done to their family simply because look what it has done to me!

I sit on edge, uneasy in a room with them while they all stare at their phones or the television without saying anything to each other. Someone speaks up and decides to share something personal occurring in their lives. A very brief moment. The responses are so light and fluffy like the best butter cream on a cake. Meanwhile, I sit dumbfounded that’s all they had to say, and I have much more to say on the topic. I am not a blood relative. I question if they truly hate each other, do not know how to show love, or simply do not care for various reasons.

I didn’t grow up like this. We are talkers. We talk so much that if I wasn’t in my family I would be so annoyed with how often we sit around the kitchen no phones no television and just run our mouths for hours about nothing and hardly ever negative things about other people. We talk about each other TO each other! (Note: this is important in functional families.)

I digress. When these “in laws” are not in the same room together and they get me alone, all the true feelings have come out over the years. I ponder whether I should bring it up to the other person, act like they never told me anything, or gossip all of it back to my family because I just don’t understand how this kind of “family” is functioning. It’s not.

Why did they all confide in me? The Lord must know my strength because the amount of things I’ve bottled up and chugged down like I haven’t drank water in a whole day (I drink a lot of water, thanks breastfeeding!) is overwhelming to say the least. However, this build up of confusion, resentment, tension, mixed feelings, is causing me nightmares. I am having a second set of sinus sickness in the past few months when I hardly ever get sick. I very much question if both bouts of sickness have been brought on by me visiting with these “in laws” for extended periods of time (we’re talking weeks here). Lastly, my daughter is becoming very alert. This is the single most important warning factor. I do not want her to grow up thinking this is okay. I do not want her to understand what is happening around her currently because I’m disgusted and quite literally sickened by it.

I have written up my shopping list of things to talk about. This should help me stay on topic without getting too worked up. I will also review and edit so things come out as nice as possible before the Sit Down. Please pray for me to stick to my guns and get all of this off of my chest. I can’t take it any more!

*special thanks to my dear friend, who talked me through my options and encouraged me to speak up for myself

[educatedhomemaker]

Am I Falling Behind Or Getting Ahead?

Reading the last page of Crystal Paine’s Money Making Mom, has my eyes puffy and nose filled with snot. Am I crying because I keep having this ephinany that I’m worth so much more than what I’m currently doing or I’m disappointed because if I look at my current life, I believe I’m failing...

I have $8 in my bank account. My mortgage is late for the 3rd month in a row. My tenant was supposed to move in on the 1st but the house failed the inspection (praying for her because I have no idea where she’s currently living at this moment). I’m jobless with a Bachelors Degree. Im struggling to figure out how to be a stay at home mom without relying on significant other. I’m hundreds of thousands in debt. My relationship is failing. My car needs to be serviced, which I can’t afford. I have no money in savings. And I’m currently living between my mothers and “in-laws.” When did my life hit the fan?

Yeah, it’s so easy to focus on all the negative things when you’re a perfectionist. However, every day is a new day. I’ve read enough self help books the last four months to decide not to give up on myself.

I have a beautiful healthy daughter, clean water to drink and bathe in, and a roof over my head. It just sucks feeling like such a burden on family and friends. So let me get my crap together and start tracking this journey. Your story matters just as much as mine. Hopefully this helps someone out there.

[educatedhomemaker]

We carelessly bred so many animals that we have a huge overflow in domesticated animals in need of a home. It is our responsibility to adopt these animals instead of propagating the industry that continues to breed animals. If you buy an animal from a breeder you are acting irresponsibly.