eevandank

[eevandank]

Eev&Ank 2 The party goes on

While Eev and Ank are happily together there is more trouble but also love coming. The mystery guy, Will, meets some new people on the party his cousin Adam and his boyfriend, Nash, are hosting. While going outside for some fresh air he meets Sophie. Sophie is a girl most people describe as beautiful, but that comes with some problems, she is addicted to selfies and needs some time without those. While talking to Sophie another interesting person is leaving the party. Magnus and his twin brother Lev are leaving while their sister Malia is still at the party. Will and Magnus make some quick eye contact while Lev only has eyes for Sophie. These guys who have an interested in Sophie don’t help her problems and only add more confusion in finding herself. This short moment leads to a hangout between these, until now, complete strangers. How will these stories develop and are they lucky to meet their soulmate or will they go on a more personal journey.

[eevandank]

Bonus Eev and Ank

“Sometimes you just need to invest in love,”-Lucas

So tonight we have a party because it’s the last week of school. Nash and Adam are throwing the party, but because I live in the biggest house and there aren’t any adults it’s at my house, so I’m also kind of hosting it. But I like parties at least the decorating and preparing part. We have some summer decoration but also used the rainbow decoration from my room. What do you expect from 4 gays, because Eev is also helping us too. Last week at Saturday after we called with Lucas and laid on my bed I decided to also call my friends. I actually missed them and it didn’t feel right to not let them know I’m okay. Actually only Malia and Adam picked up, Adam is also fully intergraded in the group right now. They were both very happy for me that I was doing better and that I had Eev. It was a short call and we decided that we should talk more at school and we would hang out after. We went to the classroom where the support group takes place, there was no one that day. Eev didn’t feel like going out and talking so she stayed at my room. She stayed the whole weekend because she felt more safe at mine than at Seth or with her family. There she would be all alone the whole day. Her father works all day long and the rest of the time he is at the hospital, her brother is at a friend’s house and is busy with school the rest of the time. Sophie got us donuts and we sat a bit silent at the beginning, but I decided to just tell them what happened from the start. That I went to Seth’s house, that he told me that her mother died, which was a lie because she’s still in a coma. I also told them about my father, but again I couldn’t be vulnerable about it in front of my friends, they knew he left it was more of a fact and not a struggle. I don’t get why it now again is easier than thinking about it, like I don’t realise what I’m saying. They also were a bit surprised, they saw it didn’t hit me. I told them how it now didn’t affect me, like I build a wall around me and I couldn’t see what was behind it, so I couldn’t accept the loss or realise that he left. And that last week when Eev lost her mother I could actually see that, some bricks were missing and it all hit at once. Malia told me she once had the same when a friend of her mother died, she was her babysitter and they were close. It hit her way after when she got a new babysitter and she only then started feeling the loss. After that I told them how I texted Eev, not getting any response but then she was at my door and it immediately felt good. That we had a nice weekend and we talked about a lot, our parents but also how that affected us. With her I felt it more, it was more real, but I also felt the wall closing again. To not feel, be vulnerable, to only see the sunshine. I also gave them an update about Lucas, they were never really friends, but he sometimes hung out with us. They were surprised that he now had a boyfriend because he always was popular, never had a weakness and sometimes really a jerk. I said that I actually got it, he was always different around me, showed his weaknesses and I was how he talked about Jens. It was not less than when we first met, but it was definitely different, like the puzzle piece finally fell into place. More pure, he was different in Belgium, he didn’t feel like he needed to prove himself, to be the quarterback on the football team and to be this masculine person he actually was not. He actually told me that later, he now feels more free than in England and that there weren’t expectations in Belgium. We called again on Tuesday it started with where we ended when he called me and Eev. He texted me that it was fine later that day, but that was it. On the phone he told me that Jens hit the wall and that was the scream we heard over the phone. He was in tears and it al came out, how he didn’t get why people could not just leave each other alone, how there is so much hate around love. He tried to calm him down, lead him to the bench and that he brought their eyes together, he placed his finger over Jens’s mouth and he knew he needed to say something but totally forgot how the quotes went. Lucas made his own, ‘Don’t worry about others, don’t worry about time, because we are here now, we are together and that is the only thing that matters. That we are together and that we love each other.’ It was so in style of Skam it felt so poetic, Lucas was even surprised about himself. And it actually worked, Jens softened, relaxed and looked back into Lucas’s eyes. He landed back onto the world by the words of him and of the gentle touches. Jens started crying and not letting go of the hate that now outed itself in sadness. All Lucas could do that he knew would shut Jens up was kissing him, the thing that made Jens so scared now calmed him down until he gave in and said, ‘maybe it is a good idea to just live now, to be together and to love each other and not to think about what we will do the next moment or what will happen.’ Lucas was so relieved that Jens was out of his head for a moment and that he actually listened and heard what he said before. They both had a great weekend too, first a bit scared of Jens’s parents but after they went to Lucas’s house it faded away and they could be themselves without worrying about anyone else’s opinions. The party is starting and the first people are arriving, of course Sophie and Malia arrive as one of the first. My roommate Deli also invited some friends to join us, Sophie invited some people from her class, Malia invited her siblings, who also invited some friends. Of course Adam and Nash invited some people, who I also have never met, but everyone looks really nice and likes the decoration. I gave Eev the key to my room so she could zoom out if she needed to. And if one of my friends needs some time, now she is sitting there with Sophie. I’m not really partying but more watching, how there is a dance battle between Malia, her twin siblings and some other people Deli invited I think. Adam and Nash are playing truth and dare with some of our classmates and a couple of their friends. I think I saw a spin the bottle game, but it also looks like there are just two couples making out in the kitchen. And some random people just talking to fill up the rest of the space. I decide to tag along with the truth or dare, because dancing is definitely not something I do. Then I see they play a version where you also need to take shots if you don’t give the right answer or something like that. I don’t feel like attempting anymore, so I decide to just listen, then Adam says that it’s my turn. I say I don’t want to play. Nash says it’s okay, respecting me not drinking. Adam still looks sad so I decide to make an offer and say, I’ll join if I can shot lemonade. I see a smile appear on his face not out of disrespect, but out of joy I joined and maybe even a bit of pride. “Truth, when did you know what your sexuality is?” he asks me. “That was about 3,5 or 4 years ago, but that was only when I realised what it meant that I felt all along,” I answer without a bit of shame. “Next are you,” I point at a guy with a bit long, Justin Bieber mixed with Harry Styles like, brown hair he is a bit closed off and only looked at his phone the whole game. He even looks a bit disappointed like he is waiting for a text or for someone to just appear right in front of him. He looks up at me and gives me the death stare, which I answer with a smile and say, “I dare you to text them.” He looks at me questioning like I could read his thoughts and replies, “No I’m not going to text her, she will murder me.” I answer with, “Then I’ll take that blood on my hands or I’ll do it myself,” not knowing who I was referring to. It looks like he shrinks a bit and says, “Okay what should I text her then?” “Your emotions, or just the text you prepared this whole game,” I say with a smirk. He still doesn’t look happy with me placing my finger at his soft spot, “Fine,” he murmurs. After that I decide to take a look at how Eev and Sophie are doing. They both needed a bit of silence and could use the company. I asked if they wanted a drink and they said that they would come with me to join the party. The kitchen now was empty and while I was grabbing a Fanta for myself I asked what Eev would want and she said that she wanted the same, and added that she decided not to drink alcohol for a while to see how it will turn out. There I stay in the kitchen with a view over the whole party, placing my hand on her hip and pulling her a bit closer to me. The same feeling appears, I lean a bit closer and say in her ear, “You know, I wanted to say just one last thing to you, it’s that I love you.” She looked me in the eyes and I melted even more, when I thought that wasn’t possible. She came closer to me and said, “Then I have something to say too, because I love you too, no matter what.” After that we kissed until we were both out of breath, we stayed silent drinking a bit and then kissed again. For almost an hour until I heard Nash say, “Oh here you guys are, we thought you went to bed or something.” We laughed and I said, “No I just needed some time with this beautiful women. Thank you by the way for not letting me give up on her.” He smiled back at me and said, “I would never let anyone give up on their love, especially not if that someone is you.” I hugged him and only then I saw that Sophie, Malia and Adam also joined to look at us after they found out Eev and I were in the kitchen. “Group hug,” was all I could say, while they were already joining and everyone was laughing and almost falling onto the ground.

[eevandank]

Episode 10 Eev and Ank

“I have a Lucas, I can’t lose this.”-Elliot “I don’t have a Lucas, I thought I had, a female, one.”-Lola “A luquette.”-Elliot

When I wake up the sunlight hits my face with a nice warmth; together with the warmth of Eev in my arms. Instead of the cold of my tears I felt the past week. She didn’t run, like I somehow expected. She was still here with me like we promised each other. I kiss her hair and start to model it with my hands so I can every inch of her face. Her eyes start to move in her cases, she starts to breath heavier, she is having a nightmare. I try to wake her by shaking her shoulders, after just a touch doesn’t work. She opens her eyes and all I see is fear and sadness. Looking in my eyes makes the emotions softer but I can still see and feel her pain. “It’s okay, I’m here with you,” I whisper while pushing her closer to my chest. Her breathing lowers and she starts comforting herself at my chest. “We should really talk about last week,” she says with a soft voice. “I know and it will not be easy but we have time, right?” I reply. She nods, “I have nowhere to go to. Which actually is quite literal.” “But first get ready and have some breakfast,” I suggest. Her eyes start lighting at the thought of food, “Oeh I’m actually starving.” “Good I will make us some pancakes, Dutch pannenkoeken,” I reply. This is the first day in over a week that I feel fine, that I make myself breakfast, instead of cardboard tasting cereals and that I wear something with color, my favourite shirt, with a smiling rainbow cartoon. I place the whole tower of pancakes in front of Eev, she looks with wide eyes and I place powdered sugar and sirop next to it. “So I like mine with sugar, but you can also add some jam to it, or go savoury with cheese or bacon,” I say while she still looks surprised. “I’ll try the sugar first, it is just that it looks like a lot,” she says. I smile and add, “Yeah, it is lighter than you think, maybe still a lot, but just try and see yourself.” She takes a bite and looks even more surprised, but maybe even delighted, “They really are good.” I let her finish her first pancake before I start the conversation and say, “So now the talking part, you want to start?” Trying to not sound desperate and to not rush her when she isn’t ready. She nods and starts, “So at our date night, I got that phone call it was Seth, he told me that I needed to come immediately something was wrong with my mom. He didn’t want to tell me what so I guessed it was bad. And it was, she was depressed and I didn’t know her different than that. So she overdosed and we don’t know if it was on purpose or not. She is still in a coma. But I couldn’t handle telling you, I felt like I needed to be strong to take care of myself and of my younger brother and father. But I just collapsed couldn’t do anything only be sad, even though she never really was a mother figure.” I try to digest the story, but before I asked the question I knew I couldn’t take this, take it that she should go trough this pain. I sigh and after I take another bite I say, “I’m very sorry to hear that, but you already know that and heard that enough. But last week I called Seth, even though I will never forgive him, I needed to know you were okay. He told me your mom died, but apparently she is in a coma. And it really did something with me, it hit me, knowing you are in pain, and it brought me back to some pain I shut down, but maybe never processed. Last week I shut myself out, didn’t contact anyone, only ate, slept and went to school.” I keep quiet while my head keeps rumbling, Eev also sits silent across from me. She looks sad, but content I wonder why and then I feel that she is actually holding my hand and brushing it as a sign that we are in this together. I give her a thankful look back. “You know that I would never want to make you sad, that if I knew this would happen to you, I would have shut you out immediately. This pain does it help to talk, or is it still fresh?” she asks. “It helps that you are here now. And I never knew this would happen until it did, you know that I will never let you go. Because that is just the pain I grant no one, the pain that hurt me the most,” I pause and take a breath, “when my father left me.” I feel my breath stock and my eyes start to become swollen. But I also feel two arms around my neck, while she sits on my lap, and a her soft voice in my ears, “I don’t get why he would ever leave you.” I start sniffing and snuggle in her neck. “It was because he wasn’t free, and I even said that I was okay with it, but I never forgave him,” I add, we sit here for a couple of minutes until is say, “and your pancakes get cold, he would never accept that.” She gives me a kiss and sits on her stool, “He learned you to make these?” she asks. I nod, “Every Sunday he made them for breakfast. But I haven’t had them in a long time, only when I visit my grandma.” “You know my grandma always made us French toast. The same as my mother did back in the day before her depression, and miscarriage,” she says. I smile, “Memories, sometimes I can’t stand them, but some can make my day. But being with you will always be one of my best.” She smiles back at me, while I make something as a photo or video of this moment to add to my memories. We had a nice day talking about memories, our parents and some darker times. We ordered pizza and watch Love, Simon, but around 7 o’clock Lucas calls me. He normally texts me if I have time so I’m a bit worried. “Hey Lu how are you?” I say when I pick up and give a ‘I don’t know’-look to Eev. “Ank, Ank I really need your help now,” he almost screams in full panic. I set him on speaker so Eev can also hear what’s going on. “First start to get calm, then tell me what is going on,” I say, while I start counting my breaths. He doesn’t let me calm him and starts, “Are you okay, I don’t want to bother you if you don’t feel like it. You know last time we talked, but since you answered I think it is fine, but if-,” he starts scrambling out. “No it is fine, I took your advice and Eev is here with me. Now tell me why you called and are in such a panic. Is something wrong with your mom,” I try calming him down. “No, not my mom, it’s Jens,” he starts, still a bit stressed but knowing I will help him calmed his voice a little, “so I was with Jens in the park and we just sat at a bench we held hands sometimes kiss noting special, but we got followed and there was this guy. He started saying really mean and homophobic stuff and I just walked passed him and wanted to get away from him. But Jens he got so angry, he wanted to scream things back and started to bald his fist. And I tried to stop him, the guy actually walked past us and didn’t even look back. But Jens still is angry not calming down, he looks so hurt. We can’t go to his house because his parents don’t know about us and might not be that supportive, we sit a couple blocks away at a bench. He looks hopeless and I don’t know what can calm him down. He’s in his own world, nothing is working.” He sounds so hopeless and so in panic. Then Eev pokes my arm and points towards my wall, at a specific quote, the minute par minute. She mouths to me if she can talk and I nod. “Hi Eev here, uhm,” she starts to get uncomfortable, I give her a reassuring nod, “there is this quote at Ank’s wall and it says something like this, that you should take the time and if you can’t handle that day, you should take it slower,  and take that hour or just that minute and do it minute per minute.” “I actually remember that quote it hangs at the side of her closet. Next to my own favourite, ‘you never know what will happen, but life is now,’” he says. “It actually isn’t, because that quote is with you. I gave it to you and you hang it on your closet, in Belgium,” I say. “Yeah right it is, but it used to be there,” he states, then we hear something that sounds like someone who just hit a wall or a tree, and a loud scream of pain mixed with anger. “Uhm I think you have somewhere more important to be. Make sure he is okay. Let me know later,” I say and end the call. “I think you also have somewhere more important to be,” Eev says, while she wraps her arms around my waste which makes my head fall into her lap while I fall onto my side on the bed. This while I have the biggest smile on my face, together with Eev’s. I’m tickling her thighs to make her even laugh more. We start rolling on the bed and almost fall off, but I grab her waist and lean in so far that our lips collide, to keep her from falling of the bed. This kiss after such a laugh of joy was just what I needed to know that, I love her.

Somewhere next week a bonus, because I love this story and a little present because it’s my birthday

[eevandank]

Episode 9 Eev and Ank

“Du er ikke alene,”- Isak “Tu non sei solo,”-Martino “Tu n’ai pas seul,”-Lucas “Ja aber jetzt bin ich dar,”-Matteo “Pues que yo no voy a salir corriendo,”-Cris “Ik ga niet weg”-Robbe -Skam

For days I have tried to hide any contact. My friends, obviously, suspected something immediately. They tried to talk, message, come by my house. But all I wanted was be alone, handle myself and think about Eev having to handle this. I can’t even stand to talk with Lucas he calls me every day multiple times. The only thing I do on a day is go to school, eat and sleep. Oh and draw it’s the only thing I do that isn’t a life-necessary. Every day I walk extra blocks so I walk past Eev’s school in the hope to see her. I only wear black instead of the rainbow coloured outfits I normally wear. It’s Wednesday already, I come home and I walk straight to my room to lay on my bed and just be done with this day. But when I open the door I see rainbows everywhere, no one is in my room, but I know who did this, my friends. It actually makes me feel better, a quick reminder that they are here for me. I know they are but even if I don’t say anything to them. Even now I ignore them, even at my lowest point something they have never really seen of me. I want to text them but don’t have the energy. First a shower, it is pouring outside and I’m soaked. After the relaxing shower I group call them and even though I can’t tend to smile I am actually happy to see them. We don’t talk about me and why I am such a shitty friend, but just about normal stuff, school and life. They know me and know I will talk if I want to and otherwise I can handle my own things. Lucas calls me late the night after I had a nice talk with my friends, it is Thursday. He didn’t bother to call me earlier today or yesterday because I haven’t picked up the days before. When I answer his call he is actually brushing his teeth not expecting me to pick up. He greets me surprised and signs I have to wait a second until he is finished. “Are you okay?” he asks. Starting with the hard question, “I will be, sorry,” I say. “It’s fine. And you know what I’m about to say,” he adds. “That I should care more about myself, or that I can always call you?” He smiles and says, “Both of course, but I meant that you shouldn’t handle everything yourself.” I wait for a second  and don’t answer but say, “How about you, everything all right?” I can tell he is concerned but answers my question, “It goes well between me and Jens, like I told you last week about our breakfast. Even some progress in our coming out.” “Want to tell me about it?” I ask, knowing how keen they are on their privacy. “Of course, you can handle that?” He asks. I nod and add, “It might take my mind of things and I know you don’t always have good times either.” He confirms my statement and starts talking, “So Jens started with his best friend Robbe I told you about, who has a boyfriend himself. He wanted me to come with him but he wanted to do all the talking himself. So he went on memory lane, to when Robbe came out to him and said that was one of the moments Jens found out he was bi. Robbe was very supportive and already kind of figured something was going on when I showed up. I was very proud of Jens and told him ‘it’s my turn now.’ Robbe didn’t get it, so I told him that we made a deal to do this together, so now it was time to tell my mom I’m queer. He answered with ‘That is very sweet of you, I think it will be fine, she is your mother so she will probably come around, just like my very religious mom did.’ And it actually went way better than I expected, she said I will still be her son and that she will always support me. And btw it gets better with her episodes since we are here in Belgium. So Jens’ other friends were btw very easy because they suspected something and already supported the lgbt community.” It always clears my head to talk to Lucas and to hear someone else’s story, like I’m not the only one with problems. I even want to tell him a story, “I told you about that breakfast right, so we really had some fun after that, we did some talking and even went on a date. We went to a bar and had some drinks, and then-,” my breathing stocks by the memory and I stop talking because I don’t want to remind myself. “Then what? You have to tell someone,” he waits, “not me but someone,” he adds in his soft comforting voice. “I will,” I whisper, after some silent minutes passed. It keeps echoing in my head, I said that I will tell someone, but I can’t think about someone. Other than Eev. She might understand, but she will never let me. I haven’t texted her since I went to Seth. So the next day I decide to text her.

“I’m sorry that I didn’t text you for a couple of days. I actually struggled too. Never felt this bad before. I can’t talk bare to talk to anyone. But I need to and can only think of you. I can’t take this any longer.”

I start crying while typing the text, some emotion already starts to come out. She immediately reads my text, but the longer I wait, still no reply. I hear someone at the door but I don’t mind it and let my roommates handle it. Then I hear a knock at my door, after the third I walk to my door and open it. Then I see Eev standing there with a bit of a sad face in a leggings and a hoodie and I immediately start crying and hugging her. It is a mix of sadness, being scared and happiness I’m here with her again. After a couple of minutes I loosen the grip and say, “we should go sit on my bed.” She firms the grip on me and whispers in my ears half trough her tears, “You are not alone.” These were the only four words I craved for the past week, from someone, but mostly from her. “Thank you,” I whispered, “I will never leave you/ I will be with you,” I added. We both started to cry again. Even though our eyes had cried so much for the past few weeks. We lay down in the bed not breaking the hug and just laid there without any talking. After some time we kissed because we were bored of being sad, but not letting go of each other. Until we fall asleep in each other’s arms and found some peace in each other.

cover/art credits: @leoniejulie

[eevandank]

Episode 8 Eev and Ank

“You and me. One hundred percent, forever. In every universe.”-Sander

Waking up next to the one you care most about, is the best thing, ever. I get up to prepare us some breakfast. When I walk into the kitchen I see my roommate, “You have company,” she says, not even asks. “Uhm yes, I’m sorry I probably should have told you, but it was a bit spontaneous,” I reply. “Ah I see, you two had fun?” she asks. “Yes hope we didn’t disturb you.” She shakes her head and walks to her own room. I start with toasting some bread and making some eggs. While I add some spices I hear the door. Searching for me and following the smell I see my love walking over to me. I great with a kiss and a good morning. “Are those eggs for me?” I nod, “At least if you want to.” The eggs are almost done and I set the table. “Sit down the eggs are almost ready,” I suggest. “It smells nice,” I hear I my right ear while I feel an arm around my waist. “You look nice,” I say back jokingly. I turn off the heat and turn around. “Is that everything I get,” is the reply I get. Say something else I think and apparently I say, “And you are the love of my life.” We both are surprised is said that, “What did you just say?” “That you are the love of my life,” I say muffling it away with a kiss. A kiss that lasts for minutes, if not an half an hour. Our eggs were cold when we had time to eat them. With a satisfied smile we both sat there looking at the love of our lives, Lucas in Belgium and I, Ank, in England. Like happy endings don’t exist at least not with enough pain this is proof. Last night me and Eev were on a date we went to a karaoke bar and we had a lot of fun. After that I asked if we should hang out some more. She said that sounded like fun. Then I suggested if it was fine if we would go to hers because my roommate is throwing a party. She said it was okay she hoped her parents weren’t home to make things awkward. The second we stepped on our bikes Eev gets a phone call, she looks worried, you could see the terror in her eyes and she started to look very pale. When she hung up she said she needed to go and cycled away. Again leaving me here all by myself in the dark without an explanation. I try calling her all night I even started searching where she lives. I barely slept when I woke up I even thought about contacting Seth, it felt like the only way to get to her. First I will try something else it’s Friday so she might go to school or even to the support group. I skip my last period and hope she has the same schedule every week. When I arrive at her school I start asking people if they know her, most of them don’t until one says, “Oh the quite goth kid, yeah she is in my class, I think.” I am so relieved to hear that and ask, “Where can I find her?” “Oh I haven’t seen her today, she actually is a lot absent lately,” he tells me. “Thank you,” is what I can get out. And now I have nothing, again hopeless until she might come back or she will just disappears for almost two weeks again. No Eev at the support group either. It helped to talk about things, but in such a big group doesn’t feel comfortable. So I search for a moment to talk with my friends. I need their help how I can let her know I’m here for her. They let me know they are there for me too, something I already know. “And for her of course,” Nash says. I’m happy to hear that they already care about her even though they never met her, ”That it is because how much she means to you,” Sophie says. After them showing my support I decide to call Seth. I know I have his number somewhere in my phone, while searching I start to question my choice. But I deblock him and call him while my friends are at the other site of the class room. He doesn’t pick up until the phone rang for five times. “Hi, Ank?” he answers questioning. “Yes,” I take a deep breath and start, “Do you know what is wrong with Eev.” “Eev, as in my niece, how do you know her?” he asks surprised. “Uhm school, but I need to talk to her and know she is fine,” I say trying to avoid the topic. “Ask her herself, if you know her she will tell you what happened.” I start to get worried, “What happened, she just left and I cannot contact her, there is a reason why I called you out of all people,” I say a bit frustrated. “Yeah sounds like her, if you come over to my house she will be here too,” he suggests. “I don’t fall for your tricks anymore, I don’t believe you,” I say. “Fine, your choice I thought you want to see her,” he replies daring. “Just don’t tell her I come, I’ll be there in 20 minutes,” I say and end the call. “You are going to what??” Nash screams. “I don’t have a choice, do I?” I say trying to protecting myself. “I think it is a bold move, but if you are willing to take it I support you,” Malia says. “Just be safe, okay,” Sophie adds. Now I need to hurry to be on time, I give everyone a hug and get my bike. I start racing but when I realise that I’m going to see Seth I start cycling slower. I need to think this through to let this work. When I arrive I ring the doorbell and wait until Seth arrives. I ask if she is already with him. He nods, “Okay can you call her then,” I say. “Are you not coming inside?” he asks. I shake my head, he is not to be trusted, ever. He waits and does nothing until he says, “So her mother died so I hope you understand why she will not come outside,” he blares out and closes the door in front of me. I was not prepared for this, I expected something big, but not like this. I start cycling away from here, to my house. Not to my friends who are at school. But to be alone, to cry and scream and no one hears me. Feeling the emptiness I haven’t felt in a while. Fight this battle alone, again.

[eevandank]

Episode 7 Eev and Ank

“People experience horrible things every day, and they still manage to be nice to others. Being an asshole isn’t something you’re born with, or something you just become. It’s a choice.” -Noora

Eev texted me at Friday but I still don’t know what to answer and if I want to, after I saw her with Seth. I know that I want to tell her everything, even about Seth. But first I want to find out how they know each other. What if Seth is her boyfriend or ex, we never talked about that, I just assumed she didn’t have a boyfriend. It could still be a coincidence, that they don’t know each other but just met. Normally I am alone a lot and I prefer being alone, but right now I cannot I need people around me. My roommates both work until late so I am all alone for almost the whole day. I meet my friends a lot now I deal with this break up thing, I actually really need the company. And it’s partly that I don’t have Lucas right now we used to spend a lot of time together. After I spend Tuesday with Malia at her house with her parents, a sibling brother and sister I actually have the courage to text Eev. Her twin siblings, Malia and I talked for almost 5 hours straight about me, Eev, relationships and did some truth or dare. Now I feel like I have nothing to lose, this is my story and I can be proud of that, plus I think she needs to know what Seth has done even if she still doesn’t care about me. It’s Wednesday now, I slept on the thought of texting her and now I’m ready. I also thought about what I should text her, I chose to send her a picture of the drawing I made of her, it is still a sketch and ask if she wants to come over because I need a model to finish it. I hope we actually can talk and she feels safe so she can tell me more about herself. I went to school later that day but I still hadn’t received an answer. After my last period I walked a bit disappointed to my apartment, today I should survive alone my roommate will be home by 6 so still about two hours alone. When I step out of the bus I see her, she is sitting at my front door. I tried to act normal but I think she could see how happy I was to see her. I immediately hugged her which she answered right away. Come inside, she takes of her shoes and we walk to my room. “I liked the drawing,” she says nervously. “Thank you, it was only a quick sketch, the details and colouring still need to be done,” I inform her. “So stroopwafel? My grandma send me a new package, last week,” I ask after we sit down. She nods, “Sorry,” she says, “that I just left and that I didn’t text you for a week.” “No, it is fine,” I try to defend her. “It actually is not, it just went too fast. I didn’t expect I would feel this for you. And when you told me you and Lucas broke up I felt a responsibility I wasn’t ready for. But I got time to think and now I know how I feel and that I don’t want to lose that,” she explains. I smile and want to say something but she stops me and says, “that is why I texted you Friday, because I want to be with you.” I want to hug her again but say, “Before that, I might want to tell you something, I saw you Friday at the ice cream shop with Seth,” I pause. “You know him?” she asks a bit surprised. I nod and add, “about one year ago, when Lucas just moved here and I only met him once, I met Seth it just started at a playground where we both hung out with our friends. So we met more often there and started talking. After a couple of times we agreed to meet again but just the two of us,” I sigh. Eev still listens closely and says, “Don’t worry, you can tell me everything I will not judge.” “So we met at the same playground but without our friends, it first was nice we talked to get to know each other. After our first meeting he asked if we could meet another time so we met at my house. Then it went a little different, he brought some booze and we drank some beer. I was never the drinking time, but thought one time wouldn’t hurt. So we drank some beers and did shots, I had a great time. But after some time I got tipsy maybe even drunk, I got more attached and that is something he used against me. It is a bit vague, but he said that we should go to bed, I felt tired so agreed and I almost fell asleep but he started to take of my clothes. I didn’t understand what he was doing and said ‘no I can do that myself’, then he started to undress himself. I lied in the bed and he joined me, I didn’t care and just wanted to sleep. Immediately after that I fell asleep and the next thing was waking up, next to him, not remembering a thing about the night before. I still don’t completely know what happened. He tried to use this against me, he found out I don’t remember everything. All I know is that I don’t want anything to do with him and that I will never know what happened exactly. But I know myself and my friends together with Lucas really helped me with this situation.” “Wow what a story,” she says while processing it. “Sorry I just fired this on you, I just felt like you needed to know. So how do you know him?” I ask a bit scared for the answer. “Uhm yeah, I hope you will not judge but he is my nephew and neighbour. So not that close but more like a classmate or friend,” she answers. “I hope you will not look at him differently now,” I say. “Oh don’t worry, I’m not the judging type and I know he can be a creep and does things I don’t approve, much like the asshole she describes,” she adds pointing at the Noora poster. “Something more light now,” I suggest. “After this okay, it is the reason why I was with Seth Friday,” Eev says. “Yes, you can tell me as much as you want to, I will listen,” I reply. “So it also is about the text, I came out to my family and Seth I told them that I’m a lesbian. I knew for longer that I liked girls but was never certain. When I met you I was sure. But it went to fast so I left you alone at that bench, I really hated myself for that. Now I know that I like you and that nothing is wrong with me. And that I want to be with you.” My heart is melting and all I want to do is kiss her. We talk more about ourselves, our families and kiss, a lot. I finish my drawing and she promises to frame it in her room. But now she lays here in my arms and we enjoy this moment with each other.

[eevandank]

Episode 6b Eev and Ank

“Are you scared of the water or what?”-Cris

This week was a hell, but I survived. Normally I am happy it is Friday with the support group where I see Eev. This week it isn’t, I know I will not see her and if I see her it will only be harder. According to Skam I will see her kiss her ex or the other way around, I am not sure who is the Even and who is the Isak. It doesn’t matter, because when I don’t see her I will not get disappointed. For comfort I called a lot with Lucas and I got my other friends of course. I hope Eev has them too, she is the one who left me but I know this isn’t easy for her. I asked Sophie, Nash and Malia if they wanted to hang out in stead of going to the support group, but they are the organisers so they cannot bail. Nash proposed Shane, his boyfriend, could go with me and it would only be for two hours. I thought it was a good idea, he also knows me well now I hang out with Nash more. “So have you actually heard this story before?” Shane asks. “I probably have, Nash always tells stories about you,” I reply. “You don’t mind if I tell, you probably hear a lot,” he says. “Oh I really don’t I always listen, people tend to tell me the weirdest stories.” He looks questioned, “tell me the weirdest story you heard, this week.” “That is an easy one, my ex Lucas who moved three weeks ago, he has a boyfriend at least they went on a date and I called him while he was still at his house,” I reply. “Hm yeah that’s weird enough. Wasn’t it awkward or disappointing to hear that story?” he asks and I reply “No it was comforting, I am very happy for him.” “I don’t understand that, but you sure want to hear it, it is about him coming out,” he says. I am confused because I never heard that story from Nash, “I think I never heard that story so come on with it.” He looks a bit surprised and hesitates, “It might be a hard story then, but I am sure Nash is fine with sharing it.” “He is always so open so I think it is fine and it isn’t like I don’t know he is gay and trans,” I say. “So you know we met at the book store. We were both searching for the same book,” I nod and say “call me by your name,” he smiles and goes on, “so we exchanged numbers so if I was done I could give it to him. He already got another book so I thought it would be fine. When we met a week after that I asked him about his other book and he was pretty vague about it. I asked if I could read it, but he said he returned it the day before. I thought he didn’t want to talk, so I said I would leave and he should return it on time otherwise he had to pay for it. But he said he could return it to me next week to be sure it is on time. We met a couple of times after that and kind of started dating. About a month later at our 5th date I think, he said he had a book for me to read. We didn’t really do that anymore so I was surprised. ‘The book you first asked for’ he said. It was ‘If I was your girl’ I didn’t know the book so I asked what it was about and he said ‘me, I was a girl’. I smiled and kissed him, he was so confused so he pushed me away and totally shut me out. He said I should leave, but I didn’t because I care about him and I don’t care if he is a boy or a girl or trans. I said that but it didn’t came through so I left and I texted him every single day. After a week or so I thought it was over so I didn’t and that day he sent me a message that we should talk.” I smile, because even though it was a hard story they still ended up loving each other and that was what won. “You know I thought it would make me sad hearing good stories, but it gives me hope and even though it might give more false hope now, it still is hope,” I say. “Let’s go for a walk,” he offers. We walk from our school through the park where Eev and I kissed two weeks ago. It brings back memories good and bad. I look inside the ice cream shop and first I thought it was an illusion but there they stood, Eev with two ice creams she hands the other over to Seth. I blink and blink again but this is what is happening. “Everything okay,” Shane asks. I stopped walking and froze to the ground when I saw them. “No not really,” I try to move and when I can I sprint into an alley. Shan comes after me, he handles me carefully and starts to calm me down. “Are they gone?” I whisper, still breathing fast. He doesn’t know who so starts describing everyone who leaves or left. “The girl with the dark hair a bit over her shoulder, wears a net panty, shorts, pink shirt with black tie dye. The guy has longer dark blond hair, he is very tall, green eyes, black clothes,” I start describing them. “Yes they left some time ago, they probably didn’t see us. You know them?” he asks. I nod but am not fully comforted, how do they even know each other. “They didn’t kiss or hold hands, did they?” He shakes his head “They seemed just friends, nephews, siblings. Want me to tell why you still so stressed?” I nod, “So it is quite a long story we might want to sit somewhere.” “Want something from inside?” he asks. “Strawberry milkshake, but I will sit here on that bench, okay?” He nods, I want to grab some money but see that Eev texted me 2 hours ago. “So what is this us, A you and a me, But I am not me, I am just a shadow of me, Because of you I saw my sunlight, But where did it come from, Where should I leave it, I didn’t know, I should show it, But all I did was make it rain, I cannot do that anymore, I want to be my sunlight, I want to show my sunlight, To everyone. Because I like you.” I show Shane he looks puzzled and I ensure him I will explain when he comes back. I tell him everything, about Eev, how we met, our dates and even about Seth, all the things he did. “And she doesn’t know, what he did? Or that you know each other?” Shane asks. I shake my head, “But I will tell her, if she wants to speak with me at least.” “After that text I think it will be alright. She also went trough a hard time,” he says. I raise my shoulders. “I think she found herself,” Shane adds. I say, “And I think she came out.” He nods.

[eevandank]

Episode 6a Eev and Ank

“People should be way more scared of the universe” -Ralph

I don’t know how I will survive this, I know my friends are here for me, but now Eev is gone and Lucas is in Belgium, it is hard. This week will be though, if it is for a week, in Skam Even leaves Isak then he goes back to Sonja and after the second week they come back together. It feels like I am in a Skam story too, but I don’t know if I can handle that everything is already predicted. I will not go back to Lucas any time soon, but Eev is the one who left and she doesn’t have a boyfriend. I don’t know what will happen but I know that I will make it my story and I can make choices in where my story will end.

I spend the whole evening with Nash and his boyfriend Shane at their apartment. I wake up at their couch, I still feel like shit, but it is better when I smell the fresh croissants Shane made. I feel less hopeless, when I arrive at my apartment I call Lucas I hope he can sheer me up now. He doesn’t pick up, I see he was online two minutes ago, so I text him. He replies he is at Jens but he can call in the living room. I am so happy to see him again, someone I can trust and who understands me. He looks worried, I tell him that it was about Eev, I thought she liked me but she just walked away when I told her you and I are just friends now. “Maybe she wasn’t ready yet, but she will come back when she is,” he replies. It sounds useless that is exactly what Nash said yesterday. “You want to hear something that might cheer you up?” I nod but don’t know what I should expect. He hesitates for a moment, but tells me he went on a date. It is a bit double now, but “I am so happy for you tell me more about it.” “Are you sure?” he asks in Dutch , “is it not too soon?” I shake my head, “I want to know about it.” “Who do you think it is?” I start laughing and scream “Jens of course, that is obvious.” He looks surprised “but we never spoke about my sexuality.” That is something I needed to think about “I know, but I think I always knew especially when you started talking about Jens.” “You know what I mostly like about living in Belgium is speaking Dutch I missed it so much.” It is so weird that we just switched to talking Dutch, both is so natural. “But how was your date?” I ask in English, the language we mostly speak when we talk to each other. “It was so much fun we already hung out a couple of times, but it was always with someone else or at school. Now it was just the two of us and we went to his house. He was nervous because his friends don’t really come over that often. I already felt it was something special, he acted weird and I first thought it was because of his house. But when we arrived in his bedroom we set on his bed and he said that he was nervous but he didn’t understand what he was feeling. I already knew I liked him, but only started to admit it after you decided to only be friends. I didn’t want to break the friendship by saying anything about it. But he said it himself, ‘maybe it is because I think about this as a … date.’ He waited for my answer and I was so relieved that I replied with kissing him. He was so in shock that he just sat there, nothing. I thought it was my fault but he explained he had never been with a boy before and didn’t expect anything like this. I replied ‘I didn’t either but it just felt natural,’ he smiled and said he was happy I liked him too. We talked for a very long time, it went dark and no train or bus went home anymore so he said I could sleep here and that is basically what happened yesterday and why I am here now.” I reply that I am still so happy for him and I absolutely hope they will become a happy couple. “We aren’t yet a couple it was just a date and we will see what happens next.” I hear a door opening and see that Jens is standing in the opening with only a shirt and his boxer. I wave and say “Good morning.” He looks at Lucas and asks in Dutch if this is his girlfriend. “Ex- girlfriend,” I reply. He looks a little weird at me, “I didn’t know you speak Dutch.” “I do, but most of the time Lucas and I speak in English.” “Ah that explains a lot. Nice to meet you, I heard a lot about you,” he replies. “Same for me. But don’t worry about me I fully support your relationship.” Lucas looks shy all of a sudden, “sorry I already told her about our date yesterday.” “Oh don’t worry about it, you can tell people,” he pauses “but just wait with people at school they don’t really know I am bi,” Jens says. “Of course we will do this together,” Lucas says and gives Jens a kiss on his cheek. I feel a bit awkward and say “Have a nice time together guys, I will leave you two. I will call you soon, bye.” “Bye,” they reply together. It feels good to speak with Lucas, I really miss him to talk about basic things. I’m still very happy for him, but I’m longing for something like that myself.

[eevandank]

Episode 5 Eev and Ank

“The second you start looking for hate, you find it. And when you find hate, you start hating.”-Isak

It’s the day after and when I wake up at 12 o’clock I see that Lucas has already called me two times. I put on my clothes and call him while I’m eating my breakfast. “Are you awake already? I thought you went to that party yesterday,” I ask. He nods but says “I wanted to hear your voice, talk, tell you every thing I’ve done.” I reply that I also want to talk to him, but that he can tell his stories first. “So Thursday I told you that I had a party yesterday. So it was at the old apartment where Robbe used to live, his boyfriend hosted it and all my new friends were there too. I thought it would be boring because everyone seemed very serious at school, but when the alcohol kicked in we had a lot of fun. I didn’t even drink but I still had a lot of fun and the atmosphere was great. I talked with a lot of my classmates, so we have Luca she is so funny always has the perfect jokes ready, oh and she is bi.” “Hahaha and that is important why?” I reply. “I don’t know, because you are, you may become friends too.” I laugh I will ever even meet her. “Oh and I talked to Jana she is the ex of Jens. Jens is by the way a very nice guy we have a lot in common but we can also talk about a lot together,” he says. “You like him?” I ask. “Yes I think we will be really good friends, his best friend is Robbe, but since he has a boyfriend it faded a little bit.” I joke: “When will you get a boyfriend?” He starts laughing and replies “But I have you, right?” I nod but look at him and hope he knows what will happen too “You will always have me, but I don’t think we can do this long distance thing while we are in a relationship. I want you to be happy and I think you will get that when you can do what you want without thinking about me.” “I will always think about you. But you said you got to tell me something too,” he replies. I nod “It is also about this, I might have met someone I like. It is Eev she also was at your party, we met a few times and I am starting to like her. It is still at the very beginning and I have some trust issues because of Seth. But she is patient and I think she likes me too.” I don’t get a response immediately, I hope I didn’t surprise him too much, but he finally reacts: “It is a hard pill to swallow, but I know she will make you happier than I can right now. I might also find someone here, but don’t forget you will have me.” I nod and say that I still love him, but it is just too complicated right now.

It's Friday again I texted a lot with Eev this week. Mostly basic stuff but we agreed we will meet on Friday. I am free after 11 o’clock so we meet before the support group which will start at 4 o’clock. I pick her up at her school and we walk to my school where the support meeting is. We sit outside from school at a bench. I feel so happy and light, the only thing I can do is smile. She asks me how I feel now and if I can handle the situation. I look at her and want to say, ‘how can I not handle this I am so happy because of you,’ but I take it mild and say “Yes I feel great, I like that we get to spend time together.” She smiles but that was it, I expected an answer that she was happy too or she would give me a kiss. “Is there something bothering you?” I ask. “No, just a mixed feeling,” she pauses, “how are you and Lucas doing?” she finally asks. I am a little bit surprised and reply “We are fine, I decided to tell him about us and we are just friends now. It is better, long distance will not work and now we both can be with someone better.” She looks surprised and weirdly scared “Us? Which us? I hope you didn’t expect too much of me. I don’t want to be the reason you broke up with him.” she starts to shout, stands up and walks away. “But it will not work so I could better end it now. And how is there no us? I thought we…” I scream while she walks away but she will not hear me. I try to say something trough my tears but they don’t come out, then I feel a soft arm around me. It is Nash who heard everything from across the street where he was smoking. “Ssh, it will be okay, try to breath and then tell me everything that happened,” he says to me. I calm down and tell him what happened. He looks at me and says that it was not my fault and she probably isn’t ready yet but she will come back when she is. I don’t believe him, but I know I cannot do anything about it. “What do you think about drinking some coffee at our favourite spot?” he asks. I nod and we order some hot chocolate. We talk about him and how he met his boyfriend, Shane, a story me and my friends always hear. It actually calms me down knowing they are still together even after everything they went through it gives me hope.

[eevandank]

Episode 4 Eev and Ank

“People need people”-Zoë

Today was such a good day. Even though Lucas only moved a week ago. He made some new friends, he is in a nice group, he talked to Robbe, Jens, Aaron, Moyo and some girls, Jana, Amber, Luca, Yasmina and Zoë. The first day at his new school Jens showed him around. They immediately connected and talked about everything. They are in almost the same major and share a lot of interests. He and the boys invited him to skate with them, something he did in the Netherlands but lost when he moved to England. They already hang out almost every day and it looks like he fits well inside the group. Today he went to a party Sander, Robbes boyfriend hosts. Tomorrow we will videocall and talk about it. And I will have a lot to tell him about. I don’t even know where I should start exactly, when I met her, with last week or should I just tell him we went to eat ice cream. I want to be honest with him and not lie to him about anything. So I don’t have Eevs phone number and I can’t find her Instagram, so I didn’t speak to her the whole week. But today we saw each other at the support group, we both were there, I thought that would be the best spot to meet her. After that I asked if I could get her phone number so we could meet some time but she said we could do it now, so we went eating ice cream. We first walked through the park, we started talking about art. She is at art school, but I didn’t know she is in the writing major, I thought she would do something like sculpting or drawing. She explains: “That is for everyone different, I can express my thoughts better in poetry, I like creative writing more than saying my words out loud.” I ask her where she gets her inspiration. “Everywhere, probably the same as you with drawing, series, the blooming flowers, a smile, someone you meet or just life.” she replies. I think about it and say “I’m not that creative, I only steal it from series.” “But you make it your own, you change a colour, draw in your own style and create your own character. Does it help you?” It feels like she already knows me, and I reply “Yes, it helps me to stay out of my head and relax. I mostly draw when I’m stressed or just when I’m bored.” She smiles and asks “I know you can’t ask an artist this but I do it anyway will you draw me sometime?” I nod and think about the drawing I already made last week, but I will make a new one she can keep. After some basic chitchat we sat down by the fountain and it got more serious. She asked me if I wanted to talk about what happened when she kissed me, I said I was not ready to talk about it. ‘It actually felt like I couldn’t breath and like a night mare, but I decided to tell her because we all need people.’ “It was a panic attack because of something that happened to me before,” I added. She understands and says that if there is a moment I want to talk about it she is there for me. I look at her and think ‘why haven’t I met her earlier, when I could use someone and why didn’t I tell her yet about Seth and how he used me, she would understand.’ But all I can say is “But I trust you now.” She looks me right into my eyes again and gives me a hug. We stand there for a couple of minutes, and I actually manage to completely relax something I only hoped for. So I give her a kiss on her lips, it is something little but for me it was a big step. She smiles at me, I can see how thankful and happy she is. We walk to my apartment, cook some spaghetti and talk about our childhood. After dinner she got home, and I sat there the whole evening with my head still in the clouds.

I hope you liked this part

Hugs, Rosanne

[eevandank]

Eev and Ank episode 3b

“You have an eyelash there.”- David

Here we are at the party, all week we did a lot of preparations. My friends really helped me trough this week, we talked a lot about Eev and Lucas leaving. They told me they will always be there for me, just like they were before Lucas, with Seth and after my coming out. They also said it might be better if I take some time for myself and sort out my feelings and just see where it ends with both of them. Lucas will leave tomorrow, I don’t know when I will see him again if I will see him, he might meet someone new there, or he will never contact me again. “Ank can you help me with the balloons?” Lucas shouts from the living room. I help him and ask what he thinks will happen when he is in Belgium, where we will be in half a year. He says he doesn’t know but he wants to keep contact and he hopes we both are happy if it is still together or not. I trust him but I don’t know what to think about long distance and about hem meeting someone new. But now we should celebrate and have a nice party for Lucas. Lucas’ friends and my friends were here early, we started with some talking, which school he will attend, if he already knows someone and when he will visit. After a while more classmates arrive and we start dancing. For a moment I forget why we are here and what is happening, but when Eev arrives I’m back in reality. I immediately smile, I show her the way through Lucas’ house, give her a drink and we start dancing with the rest. After a while they want to go to their high school to say good bye, my friends also want to go, I stay to clean some things up. I start with the bottles and after a while I hear someone is in the bathroom. Eev comes inside the kitchen and asks where everyone is I say they went to their school. She doesn’t want to go there but helps me with cleaning. We end up talking for a little bit on the couch, she asks me how I feel that Lucas is leaving, I tell her that I’m scared because he has always been there for me through my rough times, but that I know I have my friends. “And you have me now,” she says. I look in her eyes and say “you have an eyelash there”, I lean a little bit closer and pick it up. She looks at it and then very deeply in my eyes, I don’t pull back, she leans in a little bit, looks at my lips and closes her eyes. I look at hers and then I close my eyes. But when I close them all I see is Seth and I immediately pull back. I also start to hyperventilate, I know she will not take advantage of me, but I can’t do this. “I’m sorry, I should have never kissed you, you are still together with Lucas, this is my fault,” she says. I can’t calm down and start talking out loud “I need to calm down, nothing will happen, she will never do that, I can trust her.” I do everything to calm myself down, but it doesn’t work. Until Eev says: “You can calm down, just sit down, drink some water and try to breath with me,” she sits next to me and starts counting, she actually gets me calm again. I tell her I’m calm, she says she will leave now because it was her fault and she would never had done that. I want to tell her that it isn’t her fault and that I also wanted it, but that wouldn’t be fair towards Lucas so I don’t. I tell her I will see her soon and she leaves. I don’t talk to Lucas about it when he comes back. If anything happens I will tell him I promise myself. We pack the last things and then he needs to leave so he can take the ferry. I kiss him and we hug for a while. I am sad but more like I lost my best friend, not my boyfriend. I say we can always call, skype and text. He agrees and says he will immediately call me when he arrives in his new house. We call for over an hour and he shows me his new room, house and garden. Monday he is free from school but he will update me of his classmates and teachers.

Hugs, Rosanne

[eevandank]

Eev and Ank Episode 3a

“I only saw you, actually”-Eliott

I know it is only Monday but what already happened is worth an update. At Sunday I was walking with Lucas in the park, it was nothing special or romantic. He seems a little bit of lately I wanted to ask but I thought he would tell me himself if something is wrong. When we sat at a bench we talked a little bit about our move to England and why we moved, how we felt and meeting new people. But after a while I noticed someone was looking in our direction from a distance. When she walked a little bit closer and set on a bench 5 meters away I saw it was Eev. Lucas kept talking, I was only half listening and then he just started kissing me. I was still looking at Eev while we kissed and she started to look back. For almost the whole kiss we were looking at each other quite intensely. I didn’t know what happened but I only saw her and thought about her, it almost felt like I was kissing her instead of Lucas. Then I ended the kiss, I wanted to leave, but I sat there for a couple of minutes not listening to what Lucas said, when Eev walked by she only waved and said nothing, I told Lucas she is a new friend from school. I said that I had a lot of homework the most basic excuse, but Lucas and I said goodbye and he said that we would talk another time soon. I didn’t get what he meant but I nodded. I didn’t sleep that night and I couldn’t get that kiss out of my mind. The next day Lucas texted and asked at what time he should pick me up at school. He is one year older and doesn’t have a lot of hours he needs to be at school. I don’t know if I should ask him what is wrong he never texts me to pick me up. But after we cycled to my house he immediately said he needs to talk to me about something. We sat at my bed and he looked me in the eye he says that it has to do with what we talked about yesterday. I can’t even remember what we talked about, I can only thing about the kiss with Eev. He says that it is about moving. I look at him and I already know what he is going to tell me, he is going to move again. I was right and he starts crying, “I’m moving to Belgium, I will leave next Saturday, I wanted to tell you earlier, but I wanted to be sure before I told you.” This was what I felt was wrong, but it wasn’t as big of a deal as I thought it would be. “What does this mean for us?”, I ask, he asks me what I want and honestly I don’t know what I want. I think about Eev and what that means, but I say I don’t want to lose him not after everything we went through together, with Seth, and the move to England. He says that will never happen, we are each other’s half and we will always have each other.  And Friday we will have a party to celebrate our time together and his time here in England. So if you want to invite some friends from school or someone else that is okay it is also your party. I will invite Sophie, Nash and Malia and they can bring their partners or some other friends if they want to. Oh and Eev, I decided she can be there too and she can bring someone if she wants to so she knows someone. So a lot happened already and it is only Monday. I can barely handle this much and it will only be more I need to handle. Lucas will be gone in a week and Seth is still following me in a lot of situations. It is almost half a year ago but I still don’t trust strangers, Eev comes close really fast but she feels safe for some reason. I also haven’t told my friends about Eev yet which is something I already wanted to do and hear their opinions but my mind is so full right now I didn’t already. Hopefully tomorrow or anytime soon we can talk about everything that is going on and I can ask them for some advice.

Later this week the second update of episode 3. Let me know if you liked it.

Hugs, Rosanne

[eevandank]

Eev and Ank Episode 2:

“That will be zero stars on Booking”- Sander

I remember watching this scene for the first time I was so impressed by him and what he just said. Now I think about how their story and journey started, about how they will give more hotels stars and how magical their first day together was in the supermarket and with the croques. I think about Eev again, I don’t know why I associate her with Skam but I think a lot about her, this week I didn’t see her at school. I thought it was so weird that I’d never seen her before and now I don’t see her either. ‘Elliot was always gone for a week and when it was vendredi he just appeared on the screen.’ But as if it’s a legend she did appear on Friday when I walled to the bus she just was there standing by the bus station, ‘I almost could have guessed it because it is so iconic.’. We saw each other but didn’t really talk so after the first stop I got off the bus. Everyone thinks it is weird I only take the bus for 5 minutes, ‘like Matteo always does.’ I didn’t expect that she would get off to and started talking to me. She asked me if I have my ID with me and if I could buy some beer for her. I say that it is in my room even though I’m 16 years old and can’t even buy alcohol. When we come home none of my roommates are home and we talk about everything. I asked her why I never saw her before at school. ”I actually am at art school and I only follow science at your school” which explains why I’d never seen her before. ‘She actually is at art school, just like Sander, and as creative as the other Even’s.’ When I ask her if she wants to eat she nods and I say I still have some stroopwafels, a typical Dutch snack. I ask if she wants some toppings, we start with wiped cream, sprinkles, peanut butter, oreos and she wants to add cheese. When she gives my waffle to taste she asks if it tastes good and I nod at her, it is actually better than I thought. When we arrive in my room she starts to look around, it is a total mess but it seems like she doesn’t notice. She looks at every picture and drawing, sometimes she askes who they are and if I drew it myself. I answer that a lot of them are characters from Skam and remakes, I’m a creative person and I can express my emotions in drawing. After we talked for a bit about our lives, just stared at each other and had a great time together. She said it was late, the supermarkets were closed and asked if she could borrow some beer. I had to tell her I didn’t have beer or alcohol, but we could go to my boyfriend Lucas he should have some. I thought about half a year ago when I last drank alcohol and what happened after that with Seth, how it changed everything in my life and how I now look at alcohol. She said it was okay, she saw something was wrong and asked what was on my mind. I said it was nothing, because I didn’t want to tell her about it. I felt she was uncomfortable after I mentioned Lucas, she set back my guitar after she stopped playing a calming song, she thanked me for the stroopwafel and left. I calmed myself down by watching on my Tumblr but I actually got distracted by my thoughts. Seeing a pan pride flag, I thought it couldn’t be that I now fall in love with everybody just because I’m pan. Seeing Sander with that quote, it felt so similar as Skam what happened with Eev. And Lucas, should I tell him anything about what happened today, what actually did happen today?

Please let me know what you think about my story. Next week there will be two updates!

Hugs, Rosanne

[eevandank]

Eev and Ank Episode 1:

“I’m sure that in a parallel universe there’s an Isak and an Even who are lying in the exact same way and place, only the curtains are different.”- Isak

There I lay with my yellow curtains dreaming about my Even or Isak to come by. Quite funny to think that yesterday during the support group meeting I met the most beautiful girl in school. She looked so challenging and soft at the same time, ’just like Sander did when he first met Robbe’. Sophie, my best friend who forced me to join, thought it was a good idea to do a trusting circle. She had such soft hands and such a playful glance, ‘almost as naughty as David when Matteo told him about the circle’. After the meeting I walked home and out of nowhere she walked next to me and gave me a flower she just picked and added: ‘for…..’, ‘Ank’ I said, ‘thank you…’ I replied, ‘Eev’ she said. I looked so surprised at her ‘like Lucas did at Eliott.’ I don’t know why she did that it felt like she followed me all the way from school. Luckily I arrive at Lucas’ house. He already waits for me and meets me with a kiss. I say bye to Eev and go inside. Lucas asked me who that was and I told him how we met. Weirdly enough I didn’t think about Lucas when I thought about my Even, even though we are dating for 9 months in a couple of weeks for both of us a record. I met Lucas when he moved and transferred schools, he now is in college while I’m still in high school. His mother got a job and he really wanted to study in the UK. I also moved about 5 years ago when I got bullied a lot and wanted a new start. We both lived in the Netherlands before so it was an easy step to become friends and talk to each other. After a couple of months we decided to start dating, we both know it isn’t sure if we will stay together or if he will move away again.

I hope you like it, let me know if you have any ideas.

Hugs, Rosanne

[eevandank]

I’m writing a Skam story/au

Hi,

I’m writing a story in the Skam universe, so the main character watches skam and the remakes. The main character is Ank she moved from the Netherlands to England one year ago and met Lucas van der Heijden they became a couple. In the first episode she meets, Eev, a new student. A lot about the story will be in line with the Skam story, but she knows about Skam, we have Lucas who will move *spoiler* and some parts I will change. I hope you will like this story. I will upload once a week, normally on Friday this Friday will be the first. If you have any ideas about this story or want to share or ask me something I’m open to that.

Stay home stay safe

Hugs, Rosanne