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A Thought on Love

Two years later and I don’t know what’s worst. To not love at all or to fall out of love? I didn’t rise in love, I drowned in it. I shed my skin for love, exposing all my fucking scars. The scars I thought you love would heal. The scars I thought you love would kiss and make love to. The scars I thought love would hide. I don’t know what’s worst. To once love or to never want to love again?

-Jocelyn B.

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A Thought on Love

One of my biggest sorrows has been falling out of love with you.

-Jocelyn B.

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A Thought on Love

Our relationship is dead. Once this tragedy is over I hope we can return to the way were.

-Jocelyn B.

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Untitled #18

If I had to do it all over again, I would love you. I would love deeply with all the fibers of my being. I would love you more than all the words ever written about love. My heart would never break because your love is the armor. Your love is my safest place besides the thoughts of my mind. Your love heals and transforms the terrors of my past. Your love transcends the fickle love I once knew. And I would love you. More than the vibration when the oceans meets the sea. And I would love you. More than a child unaware of the inequities of the world, with the ability to love freely. I would you more than the unknown. And I would love you. 

-Jocelyn B.

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My desire for love is driving me mad. Sucking life out of me. Now I understand why my mother never taught me about heartbreak.

-Jocelyn B.

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"Sometimes I want companionship so bad I hurt.”

it's been a while.

-Jocelyn B.

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Red

I meet a woman the other day. She called herself "Red," but there was nothing red about her. Nothing blue or brown or purple for that matter. I asked with an anxious curiosity, "why do you call yourself that?" She replied "Red is all I have." She described "Red" as a state of being. She lost her love, ability to think and willingness to dream. She was stripped of her birth rights. She was exhausted due to the men of her kind always taking and never giving. She prayed and cursed God at the same time. Red told me she had nothing left to give. She was "Red" down to the bones that once held together a woman full hope. Red was my grandmother, mother and all the women I've ever known. Simultaneously, Red was me.

-Jocelyn B.

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No one told me about the disappointments of life.

Drowning in restless feelings.

Simply riding the waves of life like a shipwrecked without a destination.

Stagnant does not define the space I exist in.

Life is the land of milk and honey, but I am spoiled and hardened.

Disappointment is my companion that I live, sleep and eat with.

After these so called years of living, still no one has told me about the disappointments of life.

-Jocelyn B.

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Preacher, Don't Send Me Preacher, Don't Send me when I die to some big ghetto in the sky where rats eat cats of the leopard type and Sunday brunch is grits and tripe.

I've known those rats I've seen them kill and grits I've had would make a hill, or maybe a mountain, so what I need from you on Sunday is a different creed.

Preacher, please don't promise me streets of gold and milk for free. I stopped all milk at four years old and once I'm dead I won't need gold.

I'd call a place pure paradise where families are loyal and strangers are nice, where the music is jazz and the season is fall. Promise me that or nothing at all. Courtesy of; https://www.afropoets.net/mayaangelou.html

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Sometimes I resent my father for not teaching me about the inequity of love from his kind. See, no one seems to understand the heart of a Black Woman. Expected to pick up my feelings as if they were never dropped to begin with. Selfishly, hopeful for a different outcome with a familiar kindred spirit. I thought this year would be absent of my familiar companion disappointment. Here I am, blinded again by the disguise of what could've been.

-Jocelyn B

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I said, I want you to penetrate my walls lacking passion. Explore the depths of me with the pleasure of your mouth. See, if I had the time I would make love to you all day, from top of your head to the bottom of your feet. If I had the time I would suck all the pain out of your life. I said, I want you to penetrate my walls lacking sincerity and sensuality once we evolve.

-Jocelyn B.

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If I had the time I would love you immensely from the top of your head to the soles of your feet. However, I don't so for now I choose me.

-Jocelyn B.

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What is it about love that scares us? The elders say, "to love is to be set free." But, as for you and I, we don't really want to be free. Love has never been our movement.

-Jocelyn B.

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Time has never been your companion has it? To be honest, it has never been mine either. But, the truth is we only have time. Time to learn. Time to heal. Time to live. Time to love.

-Jocelyn B.

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"This love thing poses to be a potential challenge that I'm not even sure is worth it."

-Jocelyn B.

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"I'm trying not to hang onto his words like I did the empty promises of my childhood."

-Jocelyn B.

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Sometimes I'm thankful for uncomfortable truths. I lack patience like my father and love prematurely like my mother. So when I first saw you I knew it was a recipe for disaster.

-Jocelyn B.