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[fansof-faces]

Lost

How did I reach this place again? 

How did I walk into another dead end,

while being by your side. 

How did I get so out of touch;

falling and tumbling to your feet

feeling so helpless. 

Did I fear this love, 

Or did I suppress it? 

Because looking at your face, 

I don’t feel anything anymore. 

When did I lose control?

I don’t even know these familiar roads anymore. 

Will going back,

remind me of the old days

or will I walk into another dead end?

-Fans of Faces

Has fallen out of love again. 

[fansof-faces]

Merciless attention

A moment of silence for the heart.

It has been mercilessly stripped

Selflessly given away, yet carefully preserved.

How do rough hands caress a broken heart

Coupled between scalped fingers,

Blue nails and red dress.

How does an ambitious soul

Find a path to dutifully protect a tainted heart?

Slowly and softly these hands learned

To weave through stones, possibly over years,

possibly over one night with one look.

Possibly on a rainy day

while a walk across the flooding river.

Calmly, coldly, and collectively.

-Fans of Faces

Has fallen in love again.

[fansof-faces]

If my words ever reach you

I want the world to be in your hands,

the universe to shine through your eyes,

and your smile to be my carrier of justice. 

In a world as cruel as this,

Your kind eyes could ask for the clouds to rain down.

If it were up to me,

I would sign a wager for you to live and re- live through your smile. 

--Fans of Faces 

Inspired

[fansof-faces]

You were cute so I fell for you,

But things are beginning to get shady,

I’ve become a problem for you;

you don't want me here anymore. 

You can use your sharp mouth

and make me a selfish person;

But don’t worry,

It is easier for me to let go of you,

While I will haunt you even in your dreams. 

You don’t know my history,

I did not care about yours.

Seems like we both should have made check point

but we didn’t.

So here I am,

sitting outside your door

feeling trapped. 

I don't remember the last time I felt so alone,

but I remember it very clearly now. 

Your walls don’t bother me,

because you won’t care once we are done,

My walls are destructive 

but you won’t care even if they are. 

So, I’ve become a problem to you;

good for me, good for you. 

-Fans of faces ain’t feeling like a fan today

[fansof-faces]

Fans of faces,

Who are you? Why were you there? 

What does those rings mean to you?

Why were you sitting in that darkness???

[fansof-faces]

Sometimes when I am writing “I”. “Me”, and “mine”, I am actually talking about you. 

You can be anyone- him, her, hers, theirs. 

You are all under my scrutiny.

[fansof-faces]

2 die in Guwahati as police open fire on citizenship bill protesters

Guwahati: At least two persons died due to bullet injuries on Thursday after police opened fire on protesters in Assam’s Guwahati, officials said.

[fansof-faces]

Things in the northeast are not going so well. Soon people will be called terrorists by the rest of India. Because that is the country we live in. 

Troops have been deployed to India’s ethnically diverse northeastern states of Assam and Tripura, amid violent protests against the passing of a controversial and far-reaching law that offers a path to Indian citizenship for non-Muslim minorities from three neighboring countries.

The Citizenship Amendment Bill (CAB), which was passed by the country’s parliament on Wednesday, has been described by Prime Minister Narendra Modi’s Hindu nationalist government as a means of protecting vulnerable groups from persecution.

Critics, however, say the bill marginalizes Muslims and undermines the country’s secular constitution. Others say it risks bringing an unwanted influx of immigrants from Bangladesh, Pakistan and Afghanistan into India’s northern states.

Security personnel use batons to disperse students protesting against the government’s Citizenship Amendment Bill (CAB), in Guwahati on December 11, 2019.

In Assam and Tripura, angry protesters marched through major cities Wednesday night and Thursday, holding flaming torches and setting alight car tires and piles of cardboard.

Indigenous groups in both states fear naturalizing large numbers of immigrants will change the region’s demographics and way of life, fearing the impact on jobs, government subsidies and education.

India’s northeast is home to more than 200 distinct indigenous minority groups. Both Assam and Tripura share a border with Bangladesh and some see the arrival of foreigners as a cultural threat regardless of religion; for others, anti-immigrant sentiment remains closely tied to religious divisions.

[fansof-faces]

When Peace turns Violent

If you emit darkness, We can bring our own lights. If you tell us to be quiet, Our voices will roar. You can pin our men against us, But you can not hide the truth. You can scare us with your army, But we have beating hearts That understands freedom. We were always deprived of a solid identity, But in reality Assamese identity itself is fluid. Who we are and who they are, It does not matter, if you are born here. It is a simple understanding That brings us all together; If you want to ignore this blood connection, And tell us to be divided on something As imaginative as religion: You are fooling yourself. If you let our brothers bleed, We will all end up bleeding together. Our future is yours too; If you understand us, We will too. 

-Fans of Faces,

Revolting against the CAB 

[fansof-faces]

I am afraid one day you will blame your failure on me.

[fansof-faces]

Love, Non-existent

My oldest memories of you were my youngest. 

You were a show I never got to see  

while holding the tickets so dearly in my hands. 

They say first love never works out,

but they forget first love is never forgotten.

What was it that blew my mind away?

Was it your smile? Your dance moves? 

The song you sang at 2 am on the phone? 

I don’t know but I do remember. 

I don’t know where you are, 

Or if you remember the timid girl 

Who was writing poetry for you?

Do you remember every year's rain,

you were my first phone call-

longing to hear you sing. 

It was a love that never existed,

but I did keep you in my heart-

tucked away in a small corner,

a love letter that I haven’t gotten rid of.

I couldn’t, 

carrying around your last words in my heart,

I could never forget how we realized we

never existed. 

-Fans of Faces

Remembering your face forevermore. 

[fansof-faces]

I don't really know where the begin. It is like life is in shreds and no one wants to listen to me or us. By us I mean the students. I already feel bad that I am a 25 year old still in university.

Now that my university is in shits, no one cares to know why we fight. Sometimes I wonder looking at people tweets and comments, what is wrong with you and me. What is wrong with everyone? Why can't JNU have a cheap education? Why can't the poor section have free or cheap education. I am not poor BPL level speaking, I see and listen to many around me who are struggling daily to pay rents, bill, university fees. Like, someone said beggers can't be choosers. So what these beggers are supposed to leave the place where they are studying? Stop pursuing their academics and work in call centres because they couldn't become a engineer or do MBA? Someone said take student loans. Oh if only were the government kind to everybody.

[fansof-faces]

Done for

You are right.

We are done for.

We can't go on like this.

I am toxic for you.

You keep yelling at me.

We are done for,

Sometime? Or a lifetime?

Can I love you again?

I wonder.

Can you?

I don't think so.

[fansof-faces]

My existence isn’t marvelous 

neither are my thoughts;

So I just sit there, hoping to find someone

who will listen to me; 

but then again, I somethings make no sense

My thought is incoherent-

This style of thought nobody likes-

So, I sit there, 

contemplating whether to say or not. 

Sometimes I wonder,

Do I have anything to say? 

If I did, it wouldn’t even matter to anyone but me. 

Then I am more comfortable talking to myself;

Everyone else would be just confused. 

-Fans of Faces,

Is not a fan of its own face. 

[fansof-faces]

I almost forgot what it felt to have a secret love,

Hidden behind tree leaves, on the other side of the wall,

Peeking into the windows, trying to be unseen.

That love was silent, it wasn't vocal;

It wasn't outright and hurting,

Instead, shivers running down your veins

Almost hysterical as you cringe and hide away.

I become rebellious with my loving,

I am aggressive in my mind-

Quick on my feet, fast with my senses.

I knew when he was looking,

I knew when he was crossing my way.

He never really knew I was there,

Or never really realized.

Funny, how things turn out,

I don't want him anymore but I think of him.

-Fans of Faces

Hunting for more faces.

[fansof-faces]

I have failed a woman in my life,

Now I promise to never fail another again. 

[fansof-faces]

Raena’s Love Story- 4

Decoration day:

Her arrival at the auditorium was greeted with pin-drop silence. No one really said anything just awkwardly stared away when they got into eye contact. It kinda hurt, cause Zo did invite her to come. 

Amidst the arousing murmurs, Niomi and Fat Zo walked in with a bunch of stuff in their hands.

Niomi: Can you at least call me when you decide to show up? Like for God’s sake, we need to talk and I haven’t seen you for ages. 

Raena: We met yesterday. 

Fat Zo: Honey I think you are late. Robin and his pals just left. 

Niomi: Zo, just get out of here. You don’t know shit if you think she came to decoration for any guy. 

Fat Zo: Yea, like I haven’t spent years in the same class and never noticed her staring at him. 

Niomi: That is called the death glare. Can you just leave us alone? 

Fat Zo: Cool. But I need to talk to her too about the party. 

Niomi: I got this. Go. 

As Fat Zo leaves Raena can’t help but search for a familiar face amongst the crowd of hard-working seniors. She wondered why anyone would waste their time in this event. Not like decorating is everyone’s favorite thing in the world. 

Niomi: What are you wearing tomorrow?

Raena: I was hoping you have something on your mind. 

Niomi: I knew it. You will need to come to my house this evening. My mom made something for you, let’s get that fitted. 

Raena: Thanks. 

Niomi: Also why are you throwing the party?

Raena: I am definitely not. 

Niomi: Well Fat Zoe said you offered your place for the after-party.

Raena: Yes I offered my place for the party, doesn’t mean I am throwing one. Can you tell him not to tell that to people? 

Niomi: You could say that yourself. I will when I meet him. Listen, you don’t want people to know it is your place right?  

Raena: Umhmm. I don’t really care. It is the end of uni, so it doesn’t matter. 

Niomi: Well you need to take me to your place cause I need to have a look at it.

Raena: Why?

Niomi: To plan the party, you idiot. 

Raena: When? 

Niomi: After lunch and once we are done shopping for the party, we can go for fitting at my place.

Raena: What am I suppose to do till then? 

Niomi: Decorate. 

Raena: You know I didn’t come here to decorate. 

“Well, do whatever.” And Niomi was gone. 

There is always a swiftness to her exits.

She wasn’t sure where to go or where to be. This a familiar place, but it wasn’ t too comfortable to be able to roam around all the time. There were too many people she knew and too many people who wanted to talk to her. When she moved to Burbanks after studying college abroad, she was welcomed by familiar faces all over the university campus. It was normal for most of the students from Lamua to come to Burbanks for its huge university campus. Robin also ended up coming to university. Enduring those piercing stares at the back of her head for the first few months was tough. Robin’s presence added a layer of uncomfortable in her daily life. 

It was some sort of an anger management issue that she was building up back then. But like any sensible person, she had to let go of anger. She is not ready to invest time and energy on things that she could not see the end to. She liked the way the university walls became comfortable for her.     

  It was easier to walk around without the questionable glares. With the summer heat at its peak, the dusty cold winds are welcoming the autumn inside the long corridors of her department. On the second floor, there was a long corridor that connects the management building to the CA building. It was a bridge with huge windows. Not too high, but long enough. This corridor was pretty when empty she thought as she stood there in a long while. Only on the last day, everyone is so busy that the corridor is unused. She was searching for a quieter place and silence led her there. Before she knew it, she was saying goodbye to those walls and windows as if they were important enough to say goodbye. She didn’t like people a lot. 

But people were always around her. She heard footsteps coming from behind her and stop. 

“Hi, Raena.” 

She turns to see Robin in front of her. 

“Will I see you in the farewell?”

“Yes.” 

“Great. That’s great.” 

“Why?”

“Well most of us were wondering if you would come or not.”

“It shouldn’t matter so much.” 

“Look at you, turning this conversation too awkward to continue.” 

“You don’t say what is on your mind, so I get curious why it is great for me to show up.”

“Can it not be a genuine question?”

“Yes, but I wished it had some motive.”

“You dislike people with motives who come to you.”  

“You are not a stranger. You can have motives.”

“If I can't ask you questions without motives, should I stopped asking?” 

“You can stop doing whatever you want, I am not asking for anything in return from you. Just curious about your thoughts. If you don’t like talking about it, I can stop asking.”

“Don’t stop asking, it doesn’t help our situation.”

Talking to Robin always ended up like this. It was always a bit aggressive. Always a bit harsh, tip-toeing around mood swings. Whose fault is it really? Where does this argument go? Where did it really start? It was almost impossible by now to revert back to their conversations and actions that occurred in their years of the family friend relationship. 

“Maybe we should not talk about the past.”

“It will help for now, but not for long.” 

“Hmm.”

“I wanted to talk to you. So, maybe we should talk in farewell.”

“Is there anything important that you had to say.”

“No, nothing of that sort, I just wanted to talk to you. Enjoy a conversation and your company without getting into an awkward argument.” 

“I won’t mind that.”

“Will you cool down for the farewell and just enjoy?”

“Don’t ask me to do things, like you know what is going on.”

“I have known you long enough, sometimes I can tell.” 

“Sadly you can’t tell on everything.”

“Well, every psychic has his weakness.”

“oh, oh, oh.” She finally laughs and let's go. 

“I am leaving. See you then.”

“I will patiently wait to chill with you.”

“Bye.” Raena walks away. 

When they were in the ninth grade, some senior confessed to Robin. It hurt but they weren’t talking at that point. Robin rejected her nevertheless, but that made matter bad for Raena. The senior, Tori, began targetting Raena, thinking she was after Robin. It pissed her off quite a lot. It was hard enough that Robin didn't talk to her on top of that most of their conversations were micro-aggressive. Both of their anger of the past did only hard for them emotionally. While she decided to suffer somewhere far away from Lumua, Robin pretended to be alright back home and led a casual high-school life. 

She wondered where and how things went from bad to worst, as she walked away from the corridor and downstairs to the parking lot.