finding-comfort-in-pain - Tumblr blog

[finding-comfort-in-pain]

im just a girl playing pretend. i wish i was normal. i wish i could've been normal. but im just a freak.

[finding-comfort-in-pain]

I have this really weird trigger now. Whenever i smell a certain body wash i really want to cut, and i start feeling like im going to cry.

[finding-comfort-in-pain]

OH MY GOD LIKE 3 WEEKS AGO I TOLD MY MOM I WANTED TO STOP DBT THERAPY AND JUST NOW SHE TOLD ME I HAVE A SESSION TOMORROW AFTERNOON???

[finding-comfort-in-pain]

idk i dont really wanna live to my next birthday

[finding-comfort-in-pain]

i feel like i should be hospitalized. i really am a danger to myself

[finding-comfort-in-pain]

i want to like just be able to not do anything. like i should just be allowed to just be. not being constantly bothered or reminded of how much of a fucking failure i am. i just want to have one moment where someone else or myself is absolutely just making me want to kill myself

[finding-comfort-in-pain]

i dont even have a therapist anymore. idk where to find a new one. i need one desperately.

[finding-comfort-in-pain]

i dont deserve to be alive i fuck everything up. i just turn genuine friendships into dumping my problems on them because theyre the only person i trust. i hate myself for it. i hate it. i just fuck everything up.

[finding-comfort-in-pain]

well bye bye to 3 weeks clean. they werent even that good of cuts. like some mid styro. maybe i’ll cut again tmrw and get some beans

[finding-comfort-in-pain]

i cannot take this oh my god

[finding-comfort-in-pain]

time to relapse and cry in the shower

[finding-comfort-in-pain]

i cannot remember what my legs looked without scars on them.

i cannot remember the way it feels to not be addicted to self harm

i will never be able to forget the way the blood drips down my arm

i will never be able to forget the sting of hot metal against my skin

[finding-comfort-in-pain]

im ready to die. im ready to be done with everything. i cant take it anymore

[finding-comfort-in-pain]

im going to relapse later i can tell. maybe i'll finally go deep enough to kill myself

[finding-comfort-in-pain]

i dont think i can do this too much longer

[finding-comfort-in-pain]

i think killing myself is a good solution

[finding-comfort-in-pain]

i am so fucking irritable right now fuck