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Two Homecomings in Yankees/WhiteSox Trade Mean One Thing

I’m not going to write a million words about why this trade is going to be amazing for the Yankees. I’m just not, I know my abilities, I stay in my lane. I’ll hit you with my thoughts with a few bullet points. 

Good fucking riddance to Tyler Clippard. He was an absolute disgrace to the pinstripes and I hope his MLB career is done. Every time Girardi said we had to “get him right:, my blood would boil. I haven’t been this happy about a departure since Kyle Farnsworth packed his bags and left the Bronx. Tyler Clippard is a prime example of what I call a Pacific Coast Bitch. Basically a mental midget that can play really well in small markets with no pressure, but then crumble in places like New York. 

Speaking of PCB’s, Chase Headley may just be the original. That dude has been terrible outside of his stellar start. I don’t know if Todd Frazier is that big of an upgrade (his average is awful) but he definitely brings more pop. Maybe whoever worked with Judge on his average can work with Todd? I also expect him to play a little first base, which is good because chances are you can’t name the Yankees first baseman right now. Hint: It’s not Chris Carter. RIP in peace to him. Welcome to New York, Todd.

Losing Blake Rutherford kind of sucks, since he really wanted to be a Yankee and was a high prospect. Not to be a big dick swinging Yankees fan, but if he ends up being a good player, he’ll end up in pinstripes again sometime in his career. There’s just no room for him in the outfield right now. 

Dave Robertson is always welcome on my team. I’m happy to have him back. I admittedly don’t know a lot about Tommy Kahlne, but baseball #nerds seem to pinpoint him as being important in this trade. ESPN and Sports Center are talking about how the Yankees are building for October and replicating what the Royals did with their bullpen. The names in the pen may look like that, but this is really a reactionary move in my opinion. The bullpen has been miserable, and this is hopefully the fix. Welcome back, DRob!

With all of that being said though, I haven’t even touched the most important thing about this trade. David Robertson is returning to the place where his career started. Todd Frazier, a Toms River New Jersey boy, is literally coming home to play for his hometown team. That is two homecomings in one trade, something I don’t think has ever happened. A lot of people say that Game 7′s are pure magic in the sports world. Hockey hardos will go on and on about the cup and the playoffs and that their playoffs are the best because it’s the cup. They’re all wrong. There is nothing better than a player coming home, and we’ve got two in one trade. There’s nothing that warms my soul more than this. I’m not crying, you’re crying. Cue the music! TWICE!

Welcome home boys! 

[fitzboogieblog]

The “Jason Jordan is Kurt Angle’s Son” Story Works

A LOT of people were not happy about Raw’s big reveal last night. People have been eagerly awaiting what Kurt was going to reveal, as he’s been cutting mysterious backstage promos for over a month. Corey Graves has been in on the story too, working to build up anticipation for the reveal. Kurt Angle promised to come clean this week, and the WWE Universe finally got in on his secret. The result was this: 

Jason Jordan was revealed to be Kurt Angle’s long lost son. 

I think people were expecting Kurt to be caught up in a romance scandal that would lead to a confrontation with Triple H. Many thought it would be with Stephanie McMahon, while others thought Dixie Carter would debut as an on-screen personality that Kurt was having an affair with. I’m so glad that they didn’t run with either of those. With everything they’ve shown of Kurt’s life on the Network, putting him in a kayfabe relationship would have been beyond stupid. Portraying Kurt to be cheating on his wife who saved his life from addiction would have just been a bad look. 

This is at least both feasible and different, and I’m good with it. It doesn’t interfere with anything they’ve shown about Kurt’s real life, which is important with so many “smart fans” today. A lot of WWE viewers complain about the lack of stories, but this story immediately gives Jason Jordan some backstory. It also was a long buildup for a young talent, which is so refreshing. When was the last time a story like this was built around a talented young superstar? I honestly don’t know, its been that long. 

It’s not the best thing that WWE creative has ever come up with, but I like it a LOT more than the alternatives. I think it’ll give Jason Jordan a nice push into the midard that he really needs if American Alpha is done. I’d expect him to stay face for a little bit, but ultimately turn heel like his daddy. He already fired off a tweet about “golden blood”, so look for that to be his gimmick pretty quickly.

I get that some of you probably think that this is pretty dumb and over the top - it is. But I say this as a lifelong professional wrestling fan - pro wrestling is pretty dumb and over the top. This is the business. Crazy story lines that are meant to get us invested in the product. And you know what? I’m much more interested in Jason Jordan today than I was 24 hours ago. 

This story can work, just give it a chance. 

[fitzboogieblog]

Why Isn’t The Mae Young Classic Live?

The past few days have been crazy down in Full Sail. The very first Mae Young Classic is underway, as WWE looks to replicate its fantastic Cruiserweight Classic - this time with the best female wrestlers in the world. It’s an awesome step for women’s wrestling to be on display like this, but the question remains - why isn’t it being shown live? 

If you couldn’t tell, I’m on the internet pretttty often. In the age of social media and constantly checking my iPhone for breaking news, watching any event on delay just seems silly. It seems like every other WWE related tweet is either about #SaveTalkingSmack or #TheMaeYoungClassic. I shouldn’t be forced to jump through hoops in order to avoid spoilers. I should just be able to watch it as it happens. Not being watchable was a major reason why I used to not watch Smackdown - I could just read the spoilers. It’s also the reason why I usually skip the NXT tapings outside of the Takeovers - I already know what is going to happen by the time it airs. If I can open Twitter and see this:

Then I should be able to watch the damn event! You’ve got me pumped to see what happened here, I would watch this shit right now and I know a lot of other people would too. Like a lot of things the WWE does, they’re not striking when the iron is hot.

For the most parts, tapings don’t work in this business anymore. An exception is that it makes sense that NXT is taped since it’s technically a developmental division and the WWE wants to be able to teach everyone involved how to perfect the product. But everything else? Do it live if you can! If the WWE is going to tout this tournament as home of the best women’s wrestlers in the world, what is the excuse for not being able to air them live? 

Perhaps even more frustrating is how much WWE is promoting that the tournament is going on right now:

Sounds exciting!! Go to watch it and then...

We have to wait until Monday August 28th, a month and a half after the action happens, to see the results? That is a fucking eternity to avoid having things spoiled for you. I’d like to think that I’ll be able to watch the tournament without knowing the results, but I just know that’s not the reality of this. I could hardly write this blog without seeing results of the first round. Unless I’m missing something major, it doesn’t make any sense on any level to withhold the tournament for that long. 

I’m glad that the women are being given a platform to display their talents. I just wish it was being handled better. If WWE doesn’t think viewership will be hindered by results being 

[fitzboogieblog]

WWE Cancels The Wrong Tuesday Night Show

Rumors are swirling around the internet today saying that the WWE is going forward with their plans to cancel Talking Smack, making it a post-PPV program on the WWE Network. For those of you who don’t know, Talking Smack is a talk show that airs on the WWE Network every Tuesday night at 10:45 PM ET staring Renee Young and the often absent Daniel Bryan. When D-Bry isn’t there, it’s typically either Shane McMahon or JBL joining Renee. Well, as of today, it looks like it won’t be on weekly anymore, which is a damn shame.

Talking Smack is a fantastic show, which is why this stings so bad. It’s funny, it lets the talent show more of their own personality, and it gets viewers more invested in the current storylines of Smackdown Live. It’s much better when Daniel Bryan is on camera, but it’s solid enough even when he’s not. The show is true to it’s name too, as the show often leads to the wrestlers seemingly “shooting” on each other (bringing up real stuff). The show is responsible for The Miz’s best promo of his career, which can be seen here. I’d argue that this rant is largely responsible for how over he is with the crowd right now. It was awesome. 

Talking Smack used to air directly after Smackdown Live at 10PM ET, but the geniuses over at WWE HQ came up with 205 Live taking that time slot, pushing back Talking Smack. I want to like 205 Live but I really really hate it. The stories are horrendous, the matchups are stale and redundant, and the pacing just does not make sense coming off of a 2 hour Smackdown. I don’t know the logistics of WWE’s filming, but it would make much more sense to put 205 Live on before Smackdown airs in my opinion. It should be a show about face paced, high intensity action. Instead it’s a snorefest revolved around who is currently kayfabe dating Alicia Fox. A running joke with someone I met in Orlando this past April was that whenever a referee messes up, they’re demoted to 205 Live to work the weekly Noam Dar vs Cedric Alexander match. It’s that bad. Neville is just about the only one worth watching on the show right now, considering Austin Aries just left the company. But quite frankly, Neville isn’t a big enough draw to make me tune in. I don’t know what WWE’s ratings say, but I guarantee that people generally enjoy Talking Smack more than they do 205 Live. 

So yeah. Once again, this god damn company takes something its fans actually really like (Talking Smack), and decide to get rid of it in order to push something else on us that most would say they don’t want (205 Live). Thank God Vince McMahon is here again to tell us what we want! 

The more things change, the more things stay the same. 

[fitzboogieblog]

Joe Ingles Might Take Gordon Hayward’s Number

They were the best friends there ever were. Gordon Hayward was going to go back to Utah to play with his best friend so that they could play video games together in their spare time. I bet they’d play two player NBA 2K17 and Joe would player lock as Gordon and Gordon would player lock as Joe. I mean, look at these two!

That’s the pinnacle of friendship. I’ve never looked like that with anyone in my whole life (besides my dog. Shout out Riley Boy).

Except one problem. Joe Ingles is really not a very good basketball player. I mean, don’t get me wrong, he’s a fine 7th man on a good team I suppose. But he’s not a starter in this league. That 4 year, 52 million dollar deal that he signed with the Jazz is going to be an absolute burden for the Jazz for years to come. It’s a sneaky terrible deal that nobody really mocked because everyone assumed it would sway Gordon to stay. Welp, it didn’t, and now Utah is stuck with him. 

“I might take his number. I might take number twenty” - Joe Ingles to Desert News.

The only good that could come of this for Utah fans is if Ingles actually takes Gordon Hayward’s old number like he said. That would be some SPITEFUL shit for Ingles to do, and I’m all for it. There is nothing more passive aggressive he could possibly do, we’re talking Dennis Reynolds levels of hatred. Because of the implication. Literally changing your identity on the basketball court to your former best friend and best teammate, all because ditched you and left you in Salt Lake City. That’s some serial killer stuff.

Unfortunately, Ingles followed up that statement with a pussy one about their friendship and how it wouldn’t be impacted. He told NBA Australia:

“ I’ve spoken to him. I kind of spoke to him throughout it to try and lend support or stay away whenever he kind of wanted and at the end of the day, we spoke after it and I mean making a decision like that, you’re not going to change friendships because of guys who have gone on different teams. He’s always going to be a good friend of mine but I still don’t like him for the time being because he left us, but we’ll be fine.”

Fuck that noise, Joe Ingles. Fire up the barbie, pour some gasoline on that bitch, and embrace the hate. In fact, I’m now spinning this. If Joe Ingles DOESN’T take Hayward’s #20 for next season, I’m going to hate Joe Ingles’ Australian ass for the rest of his below average career. Don’t poke the bear, Joe. Be as miserable as the rest of us, or I’ll hate you for it. 

[fitzboogieblog]

Megatron Retired Because The Lions SUCK and I don’t blame him

Rough headline for the three biggest Detroit Lions fans I’ve ever seen. 

Having a generational talent retire early is nothing new to the Lions, with happy-go-lucky Barry Sanders calling it quits early. A decade or so later, Calvin Johnson did the same thing to the fan base. Just decided it’s not worth playing in a dump of a city that is destined to just get leveled at some point. He was tired of losing for a shitty franchise, doing the same thing over and over and getting absolutely nowhere. Miraculously, people are confused as to why Johnson would just decide to quit. Who wouldn’t want to keep working for an awful franchise in an awful city, doing a job that’s awful for your body? 

I mean...

You fucking kidding me, Adam? Can anyone think of the difference between playing professional football and starring in movies? There’s a reason The Rock is Dwayne Johnson now and not getting thrown off steel cages by The Undertaker. It’s the same thing with Megatron. You want to be able to actually enjoy all that money you’ve spent your whole life earning, not sitting in a wheelchair at the age of 55.

The smart people of the internet estimate that Calvin Johnson is estimated to be worth $85,000,000. Not a math guy, but that’s like.. easily a million dollars for the rest of his life. You give me half of that and I’ll retire from everything for the rest of my existance. I’d pay off my student loans, quit school, end my job search, and buy a mansion down south and call it a day. Check my 4th of July blog for what I’d like to do the rest of my life. I can’t blame anyone for deciding to sit on their money and enjoy life. I especially can’t blame them if the alternative is getting your skull mashed in by monsters while playing losing football in fucking Detroit. Good move Calvin, keep living your best life. If you ever get the itch to ring chase, I’m sure Brady and Belicheck would welcome you with open arms. But for now, keep being team #fuckdetroit and enjoy retirement. You deserve it, Megatron.

[fitzboogieblog]

Steve Mills promoted, Melo on his way out?

I think I was able to be happy for about five days this off season. I thought the Knicks weren’t making any outlandish deals for players who didn’t deserve large contracts, and going for a true rebuild. That was before the Tim Hardaway Jr. signing. I somehow tricked myself into believing that a new front office was going to embrace a rebuild once they signed a new GM. Welp, now it doesn’t appear as though they’re going to hire a GM. Instead, Steve Mills is going to be president of basketball operations. Dumb and dumber Mills and James Dolan will remain in charge of the franchise, missing out on hiring former Cav’s GM David Griffin due to not giving him enough roster control. If they do hire someone, it’ll be a puppet like Allen Houston. It’s maddening as a fan, and legitimately makes you question why you’re supporting this franchise. I’m fully aware that running a franchise is harder than it seems, but at the same time... I could run this franchise better than they can. Give me a room full of dorks that know how to calculate the salary cap and taxes and all of that bullshit, and I could absolutely do a better job that these two bozos we’ve currently got. You know what I wouldn’t have done? Given Timmy Jr. 71 million dollars. 

Alas, I’m not the GM of the Knicks. I’m an angry amateur blogger that’s going to scrutinize their every move until they show they’re committed to rebuilding through the draft. With that being said, it appears that Mills’ second move as president of the Knicks will be to give Carmelo Anthony a way out. Ian Begley of ESPN is reporting that Melo is confident that a deal will get done to send him to Houston. While that is theoretically good news, the Knicks really need to receive some sort of compensation for sending him to the Rockets. There is no way that they can justify a buyout at this point. Regardless of how long they’d be able to spread Carmelo’s money so that it didn’t hit their salary cap all at once, that would still be dead money. Meaning they’d have millions of dollars against the salary cap without a players actually playing. 

The Knicks need to receive players back in a deal for two reasons, neither of which are to win games. 

One is that they need veterans to help mold their young talent. Frank Ntilikina still doesn’t have a mentor at point guard, which he’ll desperately need. Ideally, the Knicks could get back an older point guard from a third team to show him the ropes in any deal that sends Melo out of town. I wouldn’t bank on Rajon Rondo signing for the Mid Level Exception, just as I wouldn’t bank on any free agent ever signing with the Knicks. The only other point guard on the roster currently is Chasson Randle, which is a major problem. There’s a difference between tanking and playing your first round draft pick too many minutes when he’s not ready, ultimately setting him up for failure. The Knicks need minutes at point guard from someone other then Ntilikina, ideally from someone who could teach him a thing or two about the game. If the Knicks are going to center their team around Ntilikina (18), Porzingis (21) and Willy Hermangomez (23), they need a few veterans surrounding them not named Joakim Noah and Courtney Lee. 

The second reason they need players back is to trade them down the line. For example, look at Ryan Anderson. Many people dismiss taking him back in a deal for Carmelo because of his awful 3 year/$61 million dollar deal. But you know what that will eventually turn into? A one year, $21 million dollar deal. That will eventually become attractive to a team looking to acquire an expiring contract while remaining competitive,especially as the salary cap continues to rise. While that may not sound like the best long term plan, if they’re going to be losing games (they are), it’s as good as any. Additionally, taking on a bad contract like Anderson’s would also almost certainly guarantee at least one first round pick coming back to New York. Stockpiling draft picks should absolutely become a priority by any means necessary for these new-look Knicks. 

So to avoid Carmelo’s contract becoming dead money via a buyout, what could the Knicks do? Here are some actually realistic trades they could pull off within the next couple days: 

Carmelo Anthony and Lance Thomas to Houston for Ryan Anderson and Eric Gordon 

Like I just said, many are saying that nobody wants Anderson. And I’d agree with that - nobody does right now. But down the line, they could. The Knicks already have Hardaway and Noah locked in for three years or more, so they might as well go all in on bad contracts and tank that way. At least in that scenario, they don’t have more cap room to give to more bad free agents.. It’s also important to note that Gordon’s deal really isn’t a bad contract, and he’d have some value on the trade market if he manages to stay healthy and play at the sixth man of the year level he did last season. I’ve seen a lot of trade scenarios include swingman Trevor Ariza to the Knicks, and those should be laughed at. Ariza is actually a big reason why CP3 wanted to go to Houston, based on their time playing together on the Hornets. Ariza isn’t going anywhere. Still, I’d imagine Houston being reluctant to give up Gordon. Which brings me to.. 

Carmelo Anthony to Houston. Ryan Anderson, Chinanu Onuaku, Isaiah Taylor and 2020 1st Round Draft Pick to New York

Noticing a trend? It’s Anderson being dealt if the Rockets are going to acquire Carmelo in a trade. If the Rockets want to hold onto Eric Gordon, take in Camrelo’s contract and have the salaries match up, they’ll need to include Anderson and a couple of younger players. I believe the holdup on an incoming deal is that Houston would prefer not to give up a draft pick, whereas New York feels that they need one back in order to take on Anderson. Perhaps I’m biased, but I’m going to side with the Knicks - I can’t see any team being up to taking Anderson without draft pick compensation. With that being said,I believe both teams should strongly consider pulling the trigger on a deal such as this one. 

Carmelo Anthony to Houston, Marco Belinelli, Chinanu Onuaku, and Isaiah Taylor to New York, Ryan Anderson and draft picks to Atlanta 

So let’s say the Knicks are adamant that they’re not taking Anderson or Gordon’s contract back. That’s fine, I honestly would prefer they didn’t. However, that means they’re not going to be receiving any draft pick compensation - that will be going to whoever takes on Anderson’s contract. If recent deals are any indicator, Atlanta is amidst a full rebuild, and would likely be willing to take on Anderson assuming they’ll receive future picks. The Knicks would free up some cap space for years to come, and the Rockets would land Melo while keeping their core group of players. Atlanta’s only real motive here is because they have the cap space to absorb Anderson’s bad contract while being given draft picks to do so. 

Carmelo Anthony to Houston. Terrence Ross, DJ Augustine and Tim Quarterman to New York. Ryan Anderson, Shawn Long and future draft picks to Orlando.

I’ll put my hand up in the air and say that once you start making six player deals on the trade machine, you might be reaching. But who is saying no to this deal? Terrence Ross and DJ Augustine are not commodities, regardless of what anyone tries to say. I don’t care that T dot Ross scored a million points that one time and can dunk with the best of them. He’s an unimportant NBA player. Orlando should jump at the ability to offload both of them while taking in draft picks. Anderson played his best basketball of his career in Orlando, perhaps they could get him to produce once again. As for the Knicks, they shed cap and acquire a veteran point guard in Augustine to soak up minutes and teach Ntilikina how to be a pro in the NBA. Houston once again gets their man and offloads a bad contract at the price of future draft picks. 

Carmelo Anthony to Cleveland. Channing Frye, Iman Shumpert, Richard Jefferson, Kay Felder and draft picks to New York

I’m just saying, I’m not counting out Cleveland. While I think Cleveland would be sad to see Jefferson leave for sentimental reasons, I think they’d do it in order to acquire Melo. I’m actually surprised this trade hasn’t happened yet, as I just assumed Melo would want to play with Bron Bron over playing for D’Antoni again. As a lifelong Knicks fan, this trade does make me want to vomit seeing Shump and Frye back in Knicks uniforms. But I think it makes sense. Adding Melo establishes the Cavs as a legit super team, and they’re not really giving up anyone valuable to do so. The addition of Jeff Green really makes Frye expendable, as he’s probably the most valuable on-court talent included in that trade. Felder and Jefferson honestly don’t matter, though the later would probably want a buyout. This is a trade both organizations should seek out. 

I’m hoping this is the last time I have to write about Carmelo Anthony on the Knicks. If Nene’s Instagram is to be believed, Melo will be out of New York shortly.I hope the Knicks manage to get back at least one somewhat valuable asset in exchange for their former superstar. Just one. 

Until then though, #STAYME70 

[fitzboogieblog]

Fitzboogie’s 4th of July Power Rankings

Tomorrow is our nation’s birthday, and I hope you’re celebrating appropriately. I’m personally going to be taking an L in that column this year, as I JUST moved into a new apartment, and my holiday will be spent unpacking boxes. Needless to say I didn’t have an enjoyable weekend. The only thing worse than moving is moving in the summer. While my situation is certainly not the most fun thing in the world, it could be worse. It certainly beats some of my pre-21 festivities, as a young Boogie desperately tried to find a way for him and his friends to darty. I remember a few friends paying up to $20 for a water bottle half full of Smirnoff, and a Joose for a lady friend of his. Those were most certainly NOT the days. At least I can drink my ass off while unpacking at the new spot. Plus central AC is a beautiful, beautiful thing.

This shit was straight POISON, yet inexplicably popular with underage girls

I’m definitely not in a good spot right now though. There are dozens of things that I’d much rather be doing. To avoid being like me this holiday, here are the top 5 things you can do during July 4th.

5. The Beach

I don’t care what beach you’re at. Cape Cod, Smith’s Point, Montauk, whatever. Don’t care, it’s number 5, and I’m being generous. You want in on a little secret? The beach sucks. The sand is hot and uncomfortable to walk in, it’s probably overcrowded, you have to pack a cooler so everything is probably borderline warm, the water you’re swimming in is salty. jellyfish share the body of water you’re swimming in... the beach is the worst. I promise that this isn’t because I got a concussion at the beach once and had to have the lifeguards save me and put me in an ambulance. It’s just because the beach blows. It’s nothing to be afraid of, but it’s definitely not very fun. Would not recommend. 

4. The Ballpark 

I could make an argument that I want to spend every day of summer at the stadium in the bleachers, drinking a few cold ones and maybe popping my top off. The Yankees are good this year (though struggling lately) and a super fun team to watch, which certainly helps. With that being said, spending the 4th at the ballpark is always a good choice. I mean, look at this uniform:

The MLB usually shits the bed with these holiday uniforms, but those are SPECTACULAR. If that’s not enough to get you to go see a game, chances are the city your team is playing in has fun bars and restaurants to go to before or after to catch some fireworks. Plus, I haven’t even mentioned the fact that July 4th gives you a free pass to eat as many hot dogs as you want, and the best hot dogs are found at the stadiums across the country. It’s the perfect storm. The only reason it’s this far down my power rankings is because it’ll be tough/nearly impossible to convince girls that this is a good idea. 

3. Beach towns 

“But Fitzboogie! You said beaches suck!”

Yup, that they do. There’s a big difference between going to a beach town and simply going to the beach for the day. Beach towns are fun because there’s a lot of other things to do that don’t involve getting sand in every one of your crevices. Beach towns are packed with people just like you - people who want to hang out, have a few cold ones, and celebrate this great nation. Whether it’s Newport (shown above) or anything like it, these towns make for a great vacation for the 4th. There are plenty of local spots to hit, beers to taste and awesome food to taste. There are most likely really convenient fireworks to go see with your crew, and then immediately go back to the bar. While beach towns do lose major points with me due to over crowding, they’re definitely a good time. 

2. Lake house

Whether you’re renting or visiting or friend or you own one of these magnificent homes, these are perfect the 4th. You’ve got grill access, hammocks, boats, wiffle ball space, canoeing, fishing, and you’re not sleeping in a tent. A lot of popular lakes even shut down for a bit at night and put on a firework show that you can watch via boat, which will be a crowd please. You can do just about anything up at the lake. Swimming in a lake is infinitely better than the ocean since the water isn’t salty an there aren’t any waves. Lake houses are close to the crown for this great holiday, but lose points due to bugs and traffic. Mosquitoes will absolutely eat you alive, and unless you’ve got one nearby, going to the lake probably means hours of driving. Overall, still worth it though. Lake houses are pure Americana bliss. 

1. BBQ with an in-ground pool

This is the dream scenario. You probably aren’t the one who owns this place (kudos to you if you are), but this is where you want to fucking BE on July 4th. A beautiful barbecue to make endless burgers and hot dogs, fridges packed full of your favorite beers, and a gorgeous in-ground pool*. If there’s a Willy Wonka July 4th golden ticket floating around, it’s to win an invitation to a party at one of these places. It doesn’t even have to be at a place as nice as the one pictured above. As long as it’s got the pool, barbecue, and beer, I’m saying it counts. It’s a personal dream of mine to own one of these houses - they’re perfect. 

You might be thinking, “uhhh hey Fitzboogie, what about the fireworks here?” To which I answer FUCK FIREWORKS. I’m as American as anyone, and I think fireworks are the dumbest things in the world. They’re dangerous, they’re not cool to look at if they’re the ones you can buy at one of those tents, and they scare my dog. Let other people shoot them, I don’t want them anywhere near my cookout. Let me be the grill master for a little bit, play some drinking games, turn up throwback songs, do belly flops into the pool, eat six hot dogs and down a pound of macaroni salad. That is all I want for my fourth of July.

Regardless of what you’re doing tonight/tomorrow, follow my golden rule: #havefunbesafe and God Bless America! 

* I’ll fuck with an above ground pool, too. I’ll make whirlpools ALL DAY, don’t think for a second that I’m better than that. I’m not.

[fitzboogieblog]

The Knicks Should Save Their Money

Every offseason brings about a new crop of free agents that Knicks fans will dream about getting. One year it’s Lebron. The next it’s Durant. Lowry, Deandre Jordan, Dwayne Wade, Marc Gasol. It’s always someone that the Knicks fans dream of saving the franchise, and it never happens. The only superstar they’ve ever really been able to court is Ama’re Stoudemire, and that was a consolation price in an absolutely loaded free agent class that year. As the clock is quickly approaching midnight (when NBA Free Agency officially begins), who should Knicks fans dream of aqcquiring this year? A trade for Paul George, Gordon Hayward, Jrue Holliday...?

NYDN’s Frank Isola taking a stab at who the Knicks could get at point guard this offseason.

The answer is the Knicks should sign absolutely nobody to a major contract this offseason. For starters, as Isola points out, they don’t have the ability to go after the best that this crop of free agents has to offer. That might be a blessing in disguise, as the group of unrestricted free agents is actually pretty weak this year. The Knicks also have too much money tied up in the contracts of Melo, Lee, and the carcass of Joakim Noah. A sneaky bad contract they’re responsible for is that of Lance Thomas, as he’s getting paid over 7 million a year until the summer of 2019. For all the talk about how much the cap will be rising, that’s still looking like a bad contract for the Knicks right now.The Knicks will begin the free agency period with approximately 17 million dollars to spend for this season, and I urge them to do frugally. 

Free Agency hasn’t even begun, and the Knicks are giving up on signing 1B caliber players. This is actually a good thing! 

The Knicks do need to fill out a roster though. With that being said, every single one of their deals should be with veterans at one year with a team option, or preferably to unsigned rookies. The worst possible thing for the Knicks to do this offseason would to commit major money to any player, as they’ll be forced to overpay and add undesirable years to any contract. Sure, they could go for guys like JJ Reddick or Kelly Olynk, those second tier guys. But I’ll tell you right now, they absolutely won’t come cheap. Moves like that would indicate that the Knicks are chasing for an 8th seed playoff spot, something that I desperately don’t want to see them do. If a rebuild is actually coming, it has to start tomorrow by not throwing money around as if they’re in “win now” mode. Instead, maybe inquire about the Rajon Rondos and Rudy Gays of the world. Gay will probably only be able to acquire a one year deal due to injury, and that’s great for the Knicks. If he plays well, trade him at the deadline for draft picks. If he’s terrible, great; we just got more ping pong balls in the lottery. Just please don’t sign anyone to a Noah-like deal.  

So who do I hope to see the Knicks sign? Well, here’s who the Knicks currently have on guaranteed contracts for next season: 

Carmelo Anthony  Joakim Noah  Courtney Lee  Lance Thomas  Kristaps Porzingis  Kyle O’Quinn  Mindaugas Kuzminskas  Willy Hernangomez 

Add Frank Ntilikina to that list, and that’s 9 players already. While we do have that cap space, I urge the Knicks front office not to spend it past this year. Keep the wallet in your pocket, James Dolan. This is probably the first and hopefully last time that I don’t want to see the Knicks go after any elite free agents. We’re nowhere near a playoff appearance, and Melo is probably on his way out via a buyout. 

Instead of finding free agents, go find us someone who can run the team. And I don’t mean Coach Cal.

[fitzboogieblog]

The new Spiderman movie is supposedly fantastic

Let me preface this by saying that I am not a comic book reader. At all. I’ve never read one in my life, and at this point, I don’t think I ever will. Nothing against them, it’s just not something I grew up with. I find that people who have read the comic books are usually insufferable when it comes to these movies. They pinpoint the smallest detail and complain about it the entire film. I may be that way when it comes to specific books and their movie counterparts (Harry Potter, mostly), but I have no such allegiance to the comics. 

That being said, I have seen most of the Marvel movies that have been released. I might’ve missed a Thor or Ant Man movie here or there, but I’ve seen and enjoyed the vast majority. Iron Man, Hulk, Guardians - sign me up for all of those. So it should come as no surprise that Peter Parker’s return to the big screen is a great one in this post-Avengers world that we live in. Marvel has been killing it lately, and it sounds like they nailed it with one of their most iconic heroes. Throw in a few cameos from Robert Downey Jr. as Tony Stark (the absolute undisputed king of the Marvel universe right now), and I’m game .Oh, and we got rid of Toby Maguire, emo Spiderman, and evil Eric Foreman? I’m so so in. 

Whoever let Eric Forman play Venom in Spiderman 3 (2007) is a certified DUMB ASS

The movie comes out next Friday, July 7th, and I’ll probably seek out a midnight screening. Hoping to see some lunatics dressed up like the Green Goblin or some shit. Those people are truly national treasures. Not to mention the movie is currently sitting at 94% on Rotten Tomatoes, which means it’s going to be a fun time. You know those comic book nerds that I was talking about before? Those are the only people who say it’s not good. People that get miffed that Spiderman’s outfit has gadgets now and that’s why the movie is bad. Fucking nerds.

This movie is going to be a fun summer blockbuster, something anyone should be able to get excited for. Go see Spider Man Homecoming, in theaters next Friday.

[fitzboogieblog]

Remembering Phil Jackson in New York

James Dolan has officially fired Phil Jackson. While most of the city agrees that Dolan is a piece of shit himself, today is his day. For the next 24 hours or so, it looks like he is going to be the knight in shining armor. You wanna be a rock star, Jimmy? You’ve got it. Prep the Canyon of Heroes buddy, today is your day. Sure, you cost yourself millions of dollars by extending Jackson only a few months ago. And yeah, you let him stick around just long enough to alienate the entire roster. Oh, and it’d probably be better to have done all of this earlier so that the Knicks could actually be in a position to make some roster moves this offseason instead of just now trying to find someone to run the team. But hey, better late than never. Phil Jackson is out, and the death of the triangle should be celebrated. 

James Dolan singing in his shitty band, JD and The Straight Shot

I’m not a big “legacy” guy. I think it’s lame and nausea inducing when outlets like ESPN spend 15 minutes screaming about LeBron’s legacy. But Phil Jackson took his nearly pristine NBA resume and put a really gross blue and orange smudge on it. For a lot of people, mostly younger fans and Knicks fanatics, this is how Jackson is going to be remembered. I’m 24 years old. I was like 5 years old when he coached Jordan. I was maybe in middle school for Shaq and Kobe. I know that’s what the older generation will remember, but the dreaded millennials will have this imagine of Jackson. He’s the guy who would fall asleep during meetings and draft workouts. He’d go back and forth with #stayMe70 trying to coach from the front office. He’d try to implement the disastrous triangle (”has this shit EVER worked!?!?” - 19 year old Knicks fans everywhere). He’ll be remembered for just being a completely incompetent moron. It’s a rough look for a hall of famer, but he deserves every bit of criticism he gets.

Give credit where credit is due though. For as long as I can remember, the NBA Draft night has been a clusterfuck for the Knicks. Usually we didn’t even have a draft pick. But when we did, I’m thinking of picks like Balkman, Jordan Hill, Frye, missing out on Curry and Kawhi by one and two picks respectively. Phil managed to have some really good drafts, believe it or not. He took a lot of shit for it, but he did get the Knicks Porzingis when nobody else wanted him. He also is responsible for securing 2017 NBA All Rookie 1st Team player Willy Hermangomez. And hey, I actually really liked the Frank Ntilikina. Sure, hey may have tried to give away the best player he ever drafted. But at least he got these guys on the roster. 

Other then that silver lining though, good riddance Phil Jackson. 

[fitzboogieblog]

The Big Baller Brand Hurt WWE’s Product

Major star crossover isn’t anything new to the WWE or professional wrestling in general. The Attitude Era saw a flurry of celebrities and athletes make their way down the entrance ramp into the squared circle. Mike Tyson’s work with Stone Cold Steve Austin and DX was iconic. There was nothing bigger in the sports world when “The Worm” Dennis Rodman teamed up with Hollywood Hulk Hogan against DDP and Karl Malone at the 1998 Bash at the Beach. Hell, Gronk showed up in a WWE ring just a couple months ago. 

The issue isn’t involving celebrities to get more eyes on the product - last night’s issue was Lavar and LaMelo Ball. Respctin’ the biz’ is a fucking joke in the journalism world. My boys over at PMT and Barstool Sports in general show that every single day - the old school way of journalism is dead. But in professional wrestling? The business should be respected at least a little bit. Lavar acted so over the top last night, it was cringeworthy. From the way he entered the ring, to the way he spoke, to the way he and his sons laughed while things were supposed to be getting confrontational with The MIz... it was awful. Entertaining? Maybe to the casual fan, who the WWE was clearly targeting with this stunt. But to that, let me ask you this - who is going to watch that and want to come back to watch more of Raw? Tyson’s angle with Austin worked because it was “believable” that he and Austin would have a great fight. Gronk’s quick one and done angle worked because it was “believable” that he’d fight current WWE Champion Jinder Mahal. But this?

You laugh at that and shake your head. Sure, the internet went crazy for the segment. But it sure as hell wasn’t because it was good. It made WWE look like a joke - something the casual fan probably already believes. Oh, and it really didn’t help that LaMelo was yelling the N word during the segment. I’m not a PR guy, but I can’t imagine that’s something WWE and its shareholders wouldn’t have been thrilled about. Unless the Balls are comin’ for Hulk Hogan, that word really doesn’t have a place in professional wrestling. Hopefully this is the last time the Ball family is on WWE programming. 

[fitzboogieblog]

The SNES Classic

Full list of games:

Contra III: The Alien Wars™ Donkey Kong Country™ EarthBound™ Final Fantasy III F-ZERO™ Kirby™ Super Star Kirby’s Dream Course™ The Legend of Zelda™: A Link to the Past™ Mega Man® X Secret of Mana Star Fox™ Star Fox™ 2 Street Fighter® II Turbo: Hyper Fighting Super Castlevania IV™ Super Ghouls ’n Ghosts® Super Mario Kart™ Super Mario RPG: Legend of the Seven Stars™ Super Mario World™ Super Metroid™ Super Punch-Out!! ™ Yoshi’s Island™

The biggest thing to drop in the world of gaming today was the announcement of the SNES Classic. It’s literally been rumored to exist since the NES Classic debuted last year at $59.99 a pop. The SNES is widely regarded in the upper echelon of video game consoles ever, and holds a special place in my heart as my first gaming console ever. 3 year old Fitzboogie fucking LOVED Super Mario World, despite really only being able to beat the first few levels. Rainbow Road used to make me legitimately cry, and I used to despise Yoshi’s Island and Super Mario RPG basically because they didn’t play like Super Mario World. As cool as this thing is though, there are a few things that may leave you crying like baby boogie: 

#1 - There are some clear omissions that will leave some disappointed. Chrono Trigger is the big one that will leave people scratching their heads. That series may not be exclusive to Nintendo, but that game very well could be the system’s best game. I’ll also advocate for Donkey Kong Country 2, not sure what’s better than Dixie Kong. I’ll also throw in Super Star Wars and Mighty Morphin Power Rangers. Not critically acclaimed classics, but absolute staples of my childhood.

#2 - It’s gonna be tough as hell to find one of these. The dweebs on the internet (myself included) are sitting at their computers smashing the F5 key every ten seconds to see if any website put them up for sale yet. As with anything Nintendo, stock is going to be an issue. Mark this down as the holiday season’s most sought after toy

#3 - If you do get one, you probably won’t want to open it. My NES Classic is sitting in its box on my desk, never been played with. They consistently sell for over $200, and since Nintendo discontinued them, speculators think the price will only continue to climb. You can expect the same thing to happen with SNES Classic due to scalpers and collectors. You better believe I’ll be trying to score one of these to save. Believe it or not, blogging on Tumblr doesn’t quite have me living the Big Baller Brand lifestyle yet.

[fitzboogieblog]

Thank You, Danny Ainge

A popular story to tell in the NBA today is about Trader Danny. Ainge is supposedly like Dwight Schrute when the office holds their garage sale, trading his lousy tack all the way up to a telescope. It’s allegedly to the point where other GM’s are fearful of making a move with Boston based on how bad he’s fleeced other organizations in the past. Danny is pretty much playing NBA 2K and has “forced trades” on. Aside from Sam Heinke and The Process, I legitimately don’t know of another fan base who holds their GM (or their former, in Heinke’s case) in such high regard. Ainge has been able to turn seemingly nothing into future trade assets, and has shown no signs of slowing down. Hell, he just passed up on Markelle Fultz in order to acquire more assets. There’s nothing he loves more in this world than assets. 

But that’s the story that everyone is already telling. I think Trader Danny truly missed the boat at last weekend’s draft. 

As the entire internet knows, Kristaps Porzingis’ name was being thrown around as potentially being available. Phil Jackson even managed to stay awake long enough to have a presser where he confirmed that his unicorn was being shopped, saying he needed, “to do what’s good for our club” in regards to the trade rumors. When questioned further, he clarified that he was prepping for the future and his envisioned haul would be, “two starters and a draft pick.” Absolutely mind boggling stuff from the Zen Master. Every Knicks fan in the god damn city that heard him was pissed at this sorry excuse for a franchise. Trading away your 21 year old 7′3 star power forward for the future is absurd. He IS the future. Having seen the Knicks mismanage their organization time and time again, I woke up the morning of the NBA Draft ready for a Woj Bomb to destroy the hopes and dreams of Knicks fans everywhere. 

But the bomb never came. 

The Celtics and teams around the league alike all deemed Phil’s asking price too steep for the Zinger. Despite having potentially more trade assets than anyone else, Trader Danny sat back on his third overall pick and went with a safe, sensible selection in Duke’s Jason Tatum. And I couldn’t disagree with his decision any more if I tried. 

Here’s the deal that Danny Ainge should have agreed to as soon as it was presented to him: Jaylen Brown, Jae Crowder, 2017 3rd overall pick and the LA/SAC 2018 1st round pick. There are reports that claim that this was the exact asking price of the Knicks, but Danny didn’t pull the trigger. Ainge’s patience has worked well for him so far, but this was a blunder. Crowder is a decent player who’s best quality is honestly his reasonably priced contract. As the Celtics continue to shop the market for wings this free agency, Crowder is incredibly replaceable. Obviously the Celts are high on Brown, who could potentially become a good player in a few years, but is he really a difference maker? Perhaps I’ll come to eat these words later in his career, but I doubt it. He wasn’t even named to the All NBA Rookie Team, partially because of his ability, partially because there’s just not enough minutes to be found in Boston. He’s just another wing on a good contract that the Celtics probably really don’t need. He’s just younger and has a bit more upside than Crowder, but should he be the reason you don’t land a talent like Porzigins? I don’t believe so. 

Which brings us to the draft picks. Phil said in the press conference that he’d be looking for two starters and a draft pick, but let’s just say he demanded both lottery picks be included in the deal. Do you know the chance that a lottery pick outside of #1 overall develops into an NBA All Star? Neither do I, but I am smart enough to look up that it’s less than 50%. The vast majority of lottery picks after the first pick don’t amount to an All Star. By that logic, Danny would have to get lucky to turn one of those two picks into a player as good as Kristaps. That’s not analytics or sabermetrics or anything like that - you won’t find that on this blog. That’s just the way the average guy looks at things, and sometimes it doesn’t have to be any more complicated than that. Sure those two picks could turn into quality, non-All Star players, but the Celtics have enough of those. They are in need of at least one legitimate star, probably two, to beat the Cavs. 

On top of all of that, I’ve yet to actually discuss Porzingis himself. He’d be an ideal fit for the Celtics to win right now, as well as to contend in the future. He immediately solves both of the Celtics’ biggest problems: interior defense and rebounding. Additionally, his FG% and 3P% would only improve as his game matures as well as escaping Melo and the Triangle. Not to mention he’d be around the for the next decade, and is currently locked into a frugal rookie contract. This would allow the Celtics to skip on the Blake Griffin sweepstakes that’ll likely end in injury, as well as put the full court press on Gordon Hayward. 

IT, Bradley, Hayward, Porzingis, Horford. That could’ve easily been the Celtics starting lineup for years to come. I still can’t believe they passed on that in favor of “assets.” But as a Knicks fan, I’m awfully grateful they did. Thanks, Trader Danny.