garbag3medi4

[garbag3medi4]

🆂🆃🅰🆁🆅🅰🆃🅸🅾🅽 ⚰

From the heart of unimaginable suffering, I want to sincerely thank everyone who has supported my family 🙏🏻

Right now, famine is hitting us harder than ever, my heart cries whenever I go to the market to buy any basic necessities! The prices are crazy, and most days my children survive on just bread Hunger and thirst are destroying us, and cooking on fire increases our suffering unbearably! Severe eye and chest sensitivity, in addition to constant stomach pain due to the type of food and the way it is cooked.

All this while we flee from one place to another in fear of bombing, bullets, and imminent danger! I cannot describe what I feel, but it is a feeling beyond exhaustion!

Despite the exhaustion, your support gives us strength and I hope you will not let us down

If you can donate, please do so, or at least help us by sharing, so we can reach those who can

Your kindness truly keeps us going

>> Our campaign is vetted by gazavetters list at Momen & his family

Gaza is full of oppression #The worst is yet to come #Genocide #A resilient people

[garbag3medi4]

what am i supposed to tell everyone when it’s over?

i’m sorry my neuroticism screwed this up for us

i was so scared of failing i wouldn’t let myself try

i was born with a heart full of big dreams and a head full of hot air

and i’m sorry that all i could make of that was a couple bright ideas amidst a couple delusions

maybe this is a generational curse i can’t break

because who knew taking on decades, maybe centuries of bad ideas was a little harder than clasping your hands together and begging for something unseen to save you?

i think there is radio interference between me and heaven

or maybe God got tired of my screaming and blocked the signal

i don’t blame Him

i’m asking for a lot, i guess

so much that i feel it in every interaction

every smile i offer makes me feel like i’m panhandling for love

every line i deliver feels like a public service announcement

and i keep searching for a deeper meaning in strangers’ eyes

as if they’ll be the one to deliver the message

as if they’ll reach out and save me

in the end, what really saves you if not your own hand?

the last time i trusted my own hand, she stabbed me in the back

in another life, i’ll be stronger

[garbag3medi4]

checkmate

you got me

gun to my head, you got me

if it’s what it takes to get out of this hell i’ve made for myself

i’ll be the one to stop running

i admit that i feel smth

i admit that it hurt

and that it only hurt because i cared

and that when i look at you all i see is words that have been left unsaid and i want to say them

but im scared of looking stupid

and getting laughed at

and feeling like everything i felt was for nothing

like i wasted my time feeling something

for someone who couldn’t say a word about it

but now i’m holding onto nothing

because im scared that the something

won’t be the thing im hoping it could be

but i hate nothing

all this trying and it’s gotten me nothing

i would rather try and have the real thing

try and let everything slip through my fingers like sand

than do nothing and remain in deafening silence

and i hate that it took this for me to realize i can still write

i hate that it took this for me to remember i can feel something and make something out of it

i hate that you helped me heal a wound i didn’t even know i was bleeding from

and i don’t know if that means i owe you

i don’t wanna owe you anything

but i thank you for what you didn’t do

because it made me realize what i needed to do

so if this was all one giant cat and mouse game

one big round of chess

then checkmate. you got me.

(where do we go from here?)

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advice from my therapy session with chat gpt

[garbag3medi4]

slow down!!

dopamine is a neurotransmitter tied to motivation, reward, pleasure, and learning. it’s not just about feeling good, but also about desire, anticipation, and what drives your behavior

we get natural dopamine from effort based rewards and experiences that build over time. this dopamine is more regulated and steady, often tied to personal meaning and growth. this kind of dopamine is slow burning and long lasting. it builds confidence and resilience over time. examples of sustainable dopamine are:

- working toward a meaningful goal

- exercising regularly

- learning a new skill

- creating art or music

- meditation, mindfulness

- social connection with emotional depth

- acts of kindness or helping others

- spending time in nature

- completing tasks

on the other hand, the dopamine we get from instant gratification comes from short term pleasure with little effort. it’s often used as a quick escape from discomfort. we get a spike of dopamine, but it leads to a crash afterward. instead of getting small, sustainable doses over time, you get it all at once, leading you to feel it more when it’s not there. over time, your brain starts to need more and more of the stimulus to get the same effect. this is how the cycle of addiction begins.

examples of instant gratification dopamine are:

- scrolling on social media

- binge watching shows

- eating sugar or junk foot

- online shopping

- porn or hookup apps

- gambling or gaming

- chasing external validation

modern society predisposes us to chase instant gratification for a few reasons. For one thing, the shift in the way we use technology has sped up the pace of our society by miles. With the internet, everything is accessible with just a click of a finger. Have a question? Just type it into google. No more having to search through books for hours or conduct a bunch of interviews. Want to buy something? You can get it shipped to your house within like 5 minutes with Amazon. Want to start a new show? You don’t have to wait weeks for the whole thing to come out. You can binge watch the whole thing on netflix in a couple days.

not to mention our devices are literally designed to be addicting. notification, likes, and endless scrolling give us quick dopamine hits with minimal effort that train us like dogs to keep searching for another reward. Algorithms reward impulsive behavior and keep us chasing novelty. Our brains are basically trained to expect constant stimulation. Our new normal is getting all of the pleasure without any of the pain. So when the stimulation is suddenly gone, we get insanely bored or intensely anxious.

When the new normal is a readily available source of content, products, etc, society has to shift to keep up. This leads to a prevalence of hustle culture. Society rewards productivity over presence, so people work jobs that require them to work quickly and constantly even if it’s not necessarily leading to substantial progress. In this model, there’s little room for work-life balance, but a lot of room to burn out. We’re taught that rest or slow progress is lazy, so we use instant pleasure as a coping mechanism instead of building sustainable, restorative habits.

With so much information and so many opportunities available to us, we may also feel pressure to be constantly learning new things, achieving new milestones, doing cool stuff, etc. Byung-Chul Han describes this as Achievement Society. We are constantly pressured to prove ourselves to keep up with those around us. Everything’s fast these days: fast food, fast entertainment, fast relationships. Whatever you want, you expect to get with a snap of your finger. But faster doesn’t always mean better. Most of the time it just means what you get is cheaper, less sustainable, and less meaningful.

When our brains are constantly pressured to pick up the speed, it puts us in survival mode. We don’t give ourselves the time we need to absorb the information we need and let our brain form the neural pathways that help us solidify that information into knowledge. Instead, we start to look for the bare minimum and throw out the rest. So we might get what we want faster, but in reality, we just settled for what we wanted in the moment, not what would last.

But I don’t think this is completely our fault. People might argue that this generation is lazy and impatient, but I think we’re overwhelmed. all this pressure to perform without being given the time to learn and improve can only lead to burnout. On top of that, we’re held to strict, robotic standards that don’t leave room for the nuance and flexibility that’s natural to us as humans. Things move so quickly these days that we’re trained to believe there’s not enough time to work toward the long term. And when you don’t believe you can work toward the future, you settle for the simple pleasures of the current moment. It’s like building sandcastles. Would you put all your effort into recreating the Palace of Versailles on the beach if you knew the tide was just going to come and wash it away?

The obvious answer to this problem is that we need to slow down, but that’s not something we can do on our own. We need a cultural understanding of why slowing down is important in the first place. We need to make a conscious decision to choose quality over quick results, health over productivity, and deeper meaning over cheap symbolism. We need jobs that don’t treat their workers like replaceable parts. We need communities that value people over profit. We need to create a world where everything matters down to the most minute detail, or else we will keep ourselves stuck in this cycle for much longer than we intend to.

[garbag3medi4]

Dead Poets Society (1989)

[garbag3medi4]

“The Deposition” by Caravaggio + “Sympathy is a Knife” - Charli XCX

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“it comes in waves”

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overcoming creative block in 10 easy steps by Debbie Millman