gh000m - Tumblr blog

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mariko kusumoto

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source

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.🪦🦇

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i hate when it’s obvious u don’t care

about anything

the shit i make

who i am

sometimes i don’t even think u love me

but sometimes you pretend

so good

and i fall right back in

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i wish you’d treat me like what i say is serious and means something

you weren’t always like this

at some point you were really good with it

but i feel like my literal autism

causes annoyances for you constantly

and it deteriorates our relationship and my self esteem when i’m made fun of for it because you’re supposed to be my safe person.

or am i overly attached now

fully all in

and what he says actually effects how i feel

it’s funny how you can think something

and feel something totally different

that’s why i hate borderline

i feel confused in my own brain

and then when someone comes in and scrambles it even more

forcing me to question my actions when all i wanted was to not hear that

i just feel confused and maybe i’m just really stupid right now

coming to conclusions even slower than before

i genuinely feel like i’m losing my mind

slowly and slowly

detaching from what i know

i hate every single part of myself

i’m so done with this self love crap

let me be some fucking pissed off fat chick rather than some starving girl who pretends to love herself and everyone around her

i just wanna die

i’m done pretending

wow what a swerve in mood

i write this as i sit on the bathroom floor

contemplating

see ya

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bpd culture is always being the "it's okay i understand your feelings and why you acted this way" person but never the one being understood

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this post is low key cringe but also real af. i’m gentle af now. ppl would have NO idea i own this account lmao

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happy 420!!

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based on my page what do u think i look like

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today was weird

it was a bad day but i refused to let it be bad

so it was still kinda bad. but numbed tf out

i recorded an entire video of my day

and it got deleted the second i got home

made me so sad

started turning my empathy back on

i’m a much better person when i’m like this

but i feel so much more guilt

for nothing and everything

it’s so much and so overwhelming

why am i crying over my cat, my father, and all these other stuff. to an extent it’s normal. but i dont know what is happening.

i don’t trust

and i have so much people anxiety

and i hate

and i love

it’s all a confusing borderline mess

i wish i was normal

i wish i also didn’t wanna violently self harm for no REAL reason

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they aren’t even swings

just abrupt switches

psychosomatic reactions

i don’t ponder about it enough

but it does its damage

‘bipolar thinking’

black and white

apparently it’s autism

apparently it’s borderline

but i can feel them change sometimes

and when i can it’s weird

how do my own emotions do so much

it’s quite literally like my body

it’s physical self

has predetermined it’s misery

by being ill in some way deranging its brain

that’s what i believe is happening

all inside me

disease floods to my brain

and i’m possessed

i digress

i’d prefer to think of something else anyways

i’m too exhausted to endure

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