gingerquakes

[gingerquakes]

In every lifetime

I'll fall deeply into you 

Like it's the last time

Soul stuck on heart ache

For even just a short time

Of loving you. 

If I'm stuck fever dreamin'

Leave me to die, 

Without them I can't wake up

I'll find them in the next life

For my piece of love 

My peace of mind, you. 

So hear me out cupid, 

String your bow, 

Take my wrenched soul

I'm a star crossed lover 

Soul stuck on heartache 

For always loving you. 

[gingerquakes]

The thought of you is ocean blue

Cool and calm in the burning sun

Cold and striking at the turn of the tide 

Swirl and whirl around the pool 

I'll weather the storm, captain on the sea, 

To reach the golden clouds, crisp sea breeze 

A cycle, hurricane, quick seasons, no land, 

Hold on tight, we're on the heave.

Shipwrecked, I'll drift, paddle, tread,

The storm will break eventually.....

[gingerquakes]

I have seen and felt the depths of my death

As my lungs exhaled their last breath

My soul slipping it's earthly cage

I saw the world slip into a universal burst 

I was nothing and everything,

A cosmic being suspended in time,

Where time itself did not exist. 

In the midst of the void, 

A voice wrapped me in warmth,

"Silly girl, you still have so much to do." 

A blink and there I was, in existence. 

The scratchy carpet rough against my skin,

My lungs rapidly filling with air in succession

The reaper leaning over my body, cursing. 

Life after death, is it a reward?

Or a punishment to be amongst the living? 

[gingerquakes]

I've held my breath so long.

I don't remember how to breathe.

[gingerquakes]

Hair holds memories 

So maybe that's why I didn't feel safe

Unless it was cut short with the razor

The buzzing a sense of relief,

A form of therapy,

Because I swear I could still feel your fingers,

Interlaced in my hair, "lovingly"

Running through, as you whispered "I'm sorry",

Silent tears dripping one by one,

Stark blue eyes, empty.

[gingerquakes]

I'm the kind of tired that sticks to your bones and stays.

An uncurable dread, that collects like the dust and dirt on the abandoned window pane of a house collapsing inward.

Yet, the sun still shines through.

[gingerquakes]

I think maybe in the next life, I'll try to be kinder to myself. I'll try to see the beauty in my everyday. Like the way my eyes reflect the clear blue sky,And my freckles kiss the curves of my face effortlessly. And I'll love every stretch mark, as the reflect the rays of the seas. Maybe I'll even be good enough, that I'll be worthy of self love and care. And when I look into the mirror, I'll actually mean when I say: You're doing a job, it's going to be okay. Maybe in the next life, I won't carry so much hurt, Weighed down with the uncurable dread and the kind of tired that just creeps in your bones and stays.Maybe in the next life, love will find me again and again and again. I won't be left to question, maybe in the next life. 

[gingerquakes]

I feel it in my bones

This heavy dreaded ache

I feel it inhale 

Filling up my lungs,

It's creaks in the bends 

Of my elbows and knees. 

Slithers up my spine,

And takes hold

A deep seeded pain

Unreachable.

Ghost eyes, 

Look at all the dead people. 

Exhaustion. 

[gingerquakes]

Take it and SCREAM IT

Scream it out to mountains

To the east and west

Rage to the north and south

Be the rumble from the skies

Your tears the rain

I AM WORTHY

You fucking ROAR

I WAS WORTH MORE.

It's crazy how small notes

Tiny words on a page

Can remind us of

Our true selves.

Loved, beautiful

Magnificent, brave

For I am not the sins

Of those people.

[gingerquakes]

When I think of you

The sky turns pinks with orange hues 

As the stars begin to kiss us hello

The city lights, a sprawled map below

Staring through cracked windshields

It's broken taillights, burnt out headlights

Mixed CD's, car dancing, parties, endless roads,

The streets were ours for the taking, you and me.

We had nothing to lose but time and we were free.

Your laughter filling all the dark places of my mind

Your smile, pulled me in, so convincing and warm,

I could never stay mad, or say no

Brown eyes laced in gold, searing through my soul.

Do I remember you? 

You were safety and home. 

I was a few pages in your chapter. 

You were a chapter in my book. 

I've relived those moments so many times,

It's stamped, "Handle with care, most looked."  

When I think of you, the story begins,

A girl with a car, no where to call home,

And A boy on the run with places to go. 

A chapter well written in love,

The pages still breathe your cologne. 

When I stop and think of you,

For a moment, I'm a teenager, home. 

[gingerquakes]

If you were to peek into my soul 

You would find the sunset 

Dipping behind the mountain side

The tops still icy faded into green

The sound of rain gracefully falling

 It drips from mighty oaks

Feet crunchy on the forrest floor

The soft dew of the mountain spring 

Kissing your cold cheeks. 

Take a moment, breathe me in, now see.

Oh luscious night, I'm a cosmic babe 

Infinite, luxurious, ever shining

Swirls of pinks, purples and greens,

Splayed out across the sky, dancing

Scars mapped out like the stars, 

The constellations tell my story,

Make a wish, my soul burns bright,

See the moon, oh full moon,

Full of love, brimming, forever waiting.

Take a look into my soul, have a peek

There you'll find the raw of me.

[gingerquakes]

Grief

Oh beautiful grief

You heavy inconsolable thing 

You despicable leech

 A charade of emotions

Spin the wheel, poor soul, SPIN

Pick a color, a number, a face to play

Grief, you horrific vision,

A price, well paid,

For love,

Grief.

[gingerquakes]

I've come to the quiet place 

The vast empty plains

Rolling through the endless horizon

Of the forever setting sun

Clashes of pinks, blues and oranges 

Quietly ushering the sun to sleep 

I stand amongst the wildflowers

I can feel the soundless vibrations 

Of the breeze swirling with the bees. 

One deep breath, another out. 

I ground my toes into grass and dirt 

Close my eyes, sweep up my arms 

I pay homage to my past selves 

Those beautiful, broken things 

I fall back into Mother Earth, free

I've come to the quiet place

May I rest in peace. 

[gingerquakes]

In the puddles of rain pooled at my feet 

I looked to the sky and screamed

The rage boomed off the clouds 

The thunder clashed, the lightening screeched

Flash, the droplets dribbled down my cheeks.

"HOW COULD YOU" I raged 

I collapsed from exhaustion to my knees.

"You've taken enough" I whispered. 

The stormed furied on, washed over me. 

I drowned a version of myself. 

This. Heavy. Inconsolable. Grief. 

[gingerquakes]

I witnessed the explosions of color spray across the sky as the sun sets over the mountains. Blue, red, pink, orange with hints of purple turned black. 

I've seen the reach of the millkway and I've slept so close to the stars I could see the satellites racing across the night. Like I could just pluck them out with a single swoop. 

I've fallen asleep to the sound the waves kissing the shore. And awakened to watch the sun rise on the open sea. I've swam in the moonless waters as the bioluminescent jellies left their glow. I sparkled like a leftover piece of cosmic beauty. 

Ive watched the sands of time sweep across the dunes. I've stood in the middle of earths history and listened to the wind whip, and left my screams echo in the canyons, freedom. 

Ive taken a leap of faith into the blue, an 80 ft sinkhole swallowed me up. Suspended, I experienced true silence for 5 long secs, peace.

I've witnessed true kindness in the souls of humans. 

I know what unconditional love feels like. I've been taught real confidence and grace. I've been humbled and opened up my mind to the new and unexpected. I've become different people in this lifetime, and played many roles. 

I've given birth and felt true power. Ive been honored with hearing mama pass my baby's lips. I'm distinguished with the title Mom warred through time, trust and consistency. 

I've felt broken and beaten and defeated. Yet I rise, like the sun. I turn phases like the moon. 

I stand, in a tribe, I've come to find, and I hold strong in their faith. Everyday I come closer to finding the love and beauty in myself as I do nature.

I am blessed in this lifetime. My soul a longed wanderer through many walks of life.  

In my moments of weakness, I turn in to the pen and paper. A reminder set in stone, of how far I've traveled. How I lived, live and will continue living. A timeline of my pain, of my struggle, of my victory and my glory. 

Of my story. Outlined word by word, each letter etched with emotion and memory. The paper is my vulnerability, the pen my weapon of choice, the words my courage. I am a constant evolution, the reader my witness. 

I am blessed, so as above, so as is below. I am blessed. 

[gingerquakes]

I hear you in the notes of the symphony

That plays deep in the crevices of my soul.

As if I walked through the folds of time

Just to be with you again and again.

Be as you've always been, my love.

I was made to adore you.

[gingerquakes]

Deep heavy sobs infiltrate 

The echos of the tub

They drown the bathroom

Sadness seeping into the floorboards

Anger drifts like foaming bubbles

A heart broken again and again 

Will someone ever love me?