graeaenotgrey - Tumblr blog

[graeaenotgrey]

I’m reading my old posts on this blog, and I marvel at what I could create out of pain. I’m now at a point in my life where I feel more peace and love than I do pain, and I cannot wait to see what I create.

If I could create beauty out of pain, what will I create out of joy? Appreciation? Gratitude? I cannot wait to experience my love-filled art, and I cannot wait to share it with you ❤️

[graeaenotgrey]

My lover says I don’t how to be loved

I disagree with him vehemently

He says I can only love when I’m broken

He says I never feel loved unless I’m broken

I laugh in his face, call him delusional

But sometimes I sit and wonder if he’s right.

©️Graeae

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I ask you to break me, as if I want to be broken

The words fall off my tongue so easily, as though they’ve made a home here

And who would blame them

It is I who keeps calling them back.

©️Graeae

[graeaenotgrey]

I was wrong. Grief screams, then it yells, then it hums, slow and steady, next to your heart.

Last year I said, "fire burns out, and so does grief."

I was wrong. Grief doesn't burn out. It smoulders, it throbs, it bangs out a terrible rhythm in your head, it grows into a second heart, it pulses tenderly, painfully, loud and fast, it doesn't stop, it never stops...

©Graeae

[graeaenotgrey]

Yet again I’m loving and I’m dying

I’m dying from loving

Just once, please, I want to love and not break.

©️Graeae

[graeaenotgrey]

I used to inspire poetry

When I was more than this shriveled husk

Of misplaced hopes and dreams

When I had more than spite and pain

When I wasn't quite as dead.

©Graeae

[graeaenotgrey]

The Seekers

Some of us are always in limbo

Arm stretched out and voice fading into wind

Always seeking, never finding;

Always traveling, never home.

©Honey

[graeaenotgrey]

You were my diary but you've run out of paper untimely as I'm overflowing with ink, dark and gooey, coating everything in the same blackness that's in my head, staining everything I touch with ceaseless umbra…

©Honey

[graeaenotgrey]

I keep all of me to myself

As if I am scared that someone will snatch the very essence of me and never return it

As if I am afraid to lose me

As if I already haven’t .

©Honey

[graeaenotgrey]

I cut off my tongue so I would no longer taste you.

I burn you from my veins every time I look in the mirror, into these eyes that make you make art

Burned you from my hands, these hands that loved to roam your flesh

Burned you from my soul, one half to save half

Burned me to save me, to choose me, to remember me

I burned me to live.

©Honey

[graeaenotgrey]

Lala, where are you?

I’m looking everyday for you

I’m looking everywhere for you

Lala, my dream girl

I want you to find me

I’m so lost without you

Lala, oh Lala

I stay up at night and wonder why you left me

I look for you in all the books I read

Lala, I beg of you

Send me word, say something to me

I miss you so loudly

Lala, my sweet Lala

Where have you gone?

Why didn’t you take me along?

Lala, my dear Lala

I can’t last without you

I wouldn’t know where to start

Lala, the core of my soul

Lala, my favorite girl

Lala, my Lala.

©Honey

[graeaenotgrey]

Hello! 👋🏾

Thank you all for reading and interacting with my content. I hope it gladdens you as much as it relieves me.

Henceforth, I will be signing my posts with ©Honey instead of ©Graeae. Graeae was great, but her time is past.

I hope you grow to like Honey as much as I do 💗

[graeaenotgrey]

You ask me why I hold so much back. I tell you that I’m afraid you’ll hold me wrong or let me fall. I tell you that even I don’t know how to hold myself. I tell you that I don’t want to fall. I don’t have any more glue. I tell you that I wouldn’t know how to put myself back together. I tell you that many things are broken, but none as much as me.

You tell me you want to wait. I tell you I don’t know when. I don’t know how. I don’t know if I’m going to be okay. I can’t feel myself. I don’t know where she is.

You tell me it’s okay. You tell me I’m worth it. You hold my hand. I say it back. I’m okay. I’m worth it.

©Graeae

[graeaenotgrey]

The sunflower is wilting and the roses are dead

And I can't find my breath

And I can't find my head

I'm lost, and so is love

I'm done, and so is us.

©Graeae

[graeaenotgrey]

I want my heart to be filled with so much love that I forget all the ways you did not love me.

©Graeae

[graeaenotgrey]

I want you to hurt as much as I did. Every time you miss me, every time you wish you could touch me one more time, smell me one more time, listen to me laugh one more time, I want you to remember that you’re the reason you can’t have that. I want you to remember how many times I groveled for your attention, how many times I begged for your affection. I want you to hurt so much you cry yourself to sleep, and I want you to wake up to the pain. I want you to feel my absence as tangibly as I felt yours. I want you to wonder when it will stop hurting. Maybe one day it will stop. Most likely it won’t. You won’t find me twice.

©Graeae

[graeaenotgrey]

If I was drunk I'd have

an excuse to call

but I'm not so

I'll just stare at your

name in my address book

and wish I was

better at feeling

nothing.

©Graeae