grrside

[grrside]

FleshBoi Testing (Male to Fleshlight Transformation)

FleshBoi Testing

-a grrside story-

Bob was carrying a cardboard box below his hairy arm. The surface of this box was filled with bumps and scratches thanks to the burly man's careless mishandling of the thing.

A few little holes had also been carved out on the repurposed Abazon Krime delivery box but unlike the scratches those had been deliberate. Just a small courtesy so the live merchandise being transported inside the box wouldn't die due to lack of oxygen.

Not like Bob' sweaty armpit didn't clog most of the small breathing holes anyway.

Bob was too busy thinking and fantasizing about the rebellious twink he had seen at the courtroom earlier that day.

Charlie, that green eyed ginger kiddo acted like a piece of shit of a punk during his whole trial. He appeared dressed in casual clothing, disrespected the judge, and even insulted his own defense lawyer. Young adults nowadays show no respect! That damn brat was so certain he was innocent he made a damn spectacle of himself, and that only cemented the judge's verdict: guilty.

"May your new life serve as your apology for the awful crime you have committed." Said the judge as parting words before hitting his gavel. "Bailiffs, take this criminal away."

Charlie was promptly shackled and carried away into his new life but not before crossing his bright eyes with Bob's.

"Whatcha lookin' at, faggot." Charlie had said before spitting on the floor and promptly receiving a slap in the face by one of the strong men leading him out of the court.

Bob grinned. Oh, that boi had no idea what was in store for him!

All of that happened earlier that morning. By now it was already nighttime and the fat man arrived at his office holding the mistreated cardboard box.

The fat dude scratched his buttcrack as he thought about where he'd open the box. His desk was full of old junk that he never got around to organize and the other desk was assigned to his co-worker who was currently on leave. That left him with the small sofa that had unstable legs.

Let's be honest, Bob always worked his hardest when his hairy buttcrack was on the sofa.

The fatso plopped his whole weight on top of the small sofa and *CRACK!*, one of the wooden legs of the sofa got split in half with a loud noise.

The fat man would worry about that later. He examined the cardboard box. It was supposedly Abazon Krime's frustration-free packaging but he swore every single one of them had to be opened differently. He couldn't wait and he just tore the top part away.

What greeted his horny gaze was not a live animal, much less a pet. No, it was much less than that. It was a scared little *thing*.

"Hahaha. Holy shit, just look at you!" Bob said to his new property.

At first glance you'd swear the thing looked just like a dildo. Because it did. But on closer inspection you'd find some peculiar features on it, like the fact that it had a human face.

The thing's mouth was permanently wide open and thus wouldn't stop drooling and in turn lubricating any external agents that would intrude down the thing's throat.

By 'external agents' I obviously mean Bob's rock hard boner. 

But let's not get ahead of ourselves. Bob grabbed the repugnant little thing and examined it from every angle. "They surely did a good job processing you. And to think you were a full-grown adult man this very morning! You look healthy and feel squishy to the touch... Oh? And these?" When he turned the sextoy-like object around he noticed two little flaps that hung from the sides. They looked like two feeble pieces of spaghetti dangling from it.

"Mmm... They missed two spots..." Bob flicked the little pieces of limp flesh with his finger. "There's no need for arms in your new life." Then he noticed a third floppy piece of skin that flopped around. "Heh. They forgot to remove this excess piece too? We're not gonna need this on you either...." He flicked the thing's third flappy appendage. This one was much shorter than the other two and had two little balls hanging nearby. "A sextoy sporting his very own cock. Talk about redundant!"

The thing wanted to cry. It didn't want this giant man touching its cock, as useless and limp as it was now. A single tear silently fell down from the thing's wide open eyes.

"In fact, I think faces on sextoys are overrated too. But I guess there's a market for perverts who are into knowing what their new possessions used to look like in their previous life..."

Bob stared into the helpless thing's eyes.

"But I already know what you looked like before, Charlie."

The boi would have liked to scream in utter horror when he realized the man who now owned him. He thoroughly lamented having called him a faggot in court, but there was no longer any way for him to communicate his apology.

"Hahahaha. Well, you were almost on the money. I'm not into fucking dudes but guys receiving their deserved punishments? Now that's more to my liking. Once a man loses his right to be a man, he becomes an object, an 'it'. It's not gay to fuck your very own fleshlight, why would you be any different?" Bob grinned with evil delight.

Charlie wanted to scream for help but he could only remain still and silent. The tongue on his mouth flicked, but that only made him look like he was eager to receive Bob's cock.

Bob turned Charlie around, taking a good look at his new FleshBoi's big bubble butt. Charlie's butt looked so big it was obscene, his buttcheeks making his sorry shape resemble a dildo now that he no longer had any legs and his arms and cock were small, limp and useless.

"Nice ass, it looks as fuckable as your mouth. You'll also make a nice double ended fleshlight if I ever want to share you with a friend. You can stretch to take two cocks at once, right?"

Charlie wanted to yell at his owner that he wasn't a toy nor a fag, that he wouldn't take any cock, much less two of them at once!

Bob grabbed both ends of Charlie and stretched the sorry thing, the fat and hairy man taking pleasure from his boi's pain. "I like that you still have body hair, it gives you a more tactile feel."

To Charlie's horror Bob began to undress. He didn't want to see such a big dude bare naked but it wasn't like he had a choice. The toy couldn't close his eyes as Bob took off his shirt and revealed his gargantuan belly and hairy moobs.

Bob was ugly as fuck and Charlie had never been with a man before. He didn't want to get intimate with a dude, but he was about to get thoroughly acquainted with his owner's obese body.

When Bob got his pants and underwear off his hairy cock and balls were revealed to his toy. It was much shorter than Charlie's own schlong used to be but it sported almost double the thickness.

No, no, no. Charlie didn't want to get near that fat cock. Yet Bob grabbed his toy and placed it below his sweaty balls.

"Lick."

The smell was foul and disgusting. No way Charlie was going to-

*SLURP*

But Charlie's mouth was permanently open and his tongue always ready to slurp and taste anything that was thrown at it. He was just a toy without a will of his own after all.

"Heheheh." Bob got a sadistic rush of pleasure. The dumb young punk from the courtroom was now a toy giving his hairy balls a tongue bath. What was not to love?

Charlie hated Bob. Charlie hated being used by Bob. Most importantly, Charlie hated the taste of Bob's balls.

When Bob was finished filling Charlie's mouth with the hairs of his balls, it was time for the main course.

Charlie had never sucked a cock before but that wouldn't be a problem, Bob had a lot of experience forcing his boi-toys to suck him off.

Bob pushed his toy down his cum fountain. He started slowly so Charlie could have the displeasure of tasting his pre for a long time. "Mmmmm... Uffff." Yet Bob's through fucking of Charlie was a mechanical process. It would have been more accurate to describe it as Bob getting his rock offs with his toy instead of actual sex. There was no need for any foreplay or any romantic line to say. Even a random hookup would have felt more personal than this. It was just Bob jerking off by using his sextoy and Charlie just happened to be that toy.

And Bob continued until someone called at the door.

"Come in." Bob calmly said, as if he wasn't currently masturbating naked on the sofa.

"Hey Bob. Oh, I see you're already testing the latest shipment." Said Bob's coworker, Otto. "Is it good?"

"Eh, it has a few defects. See the little arms hanging from his sides?" Bob removed the toy from his erect cock and showed it to Otto, cum still dripping from Charlie's mouth and all.

"Ah, but those are easy to remove. I don't think we even need to call management. I have some scissors in that drawer, I can cut off those floppy arms and that limp cock too. It'll only take a sec."

Charlie couldn't believe how they talked about him as if he were an object without feelings. He really wasn't a person any longer.

"Nah, wait until I'm done fucking it."

"Sure thing bud." And thus Charlie's gruesome emasculation would wait until later.

Bob got back to fucking his fleshlight. "I preferred when FleshBois were sold with the rubber coating applied right out of the box."

"You know the state wants to make more profit by charging for that process separately. Besides, faggots love the Fleshbois feeling fleshy to the touch. They're basically little naked men they're free to do anything they want with."

"Still, it looks so gross." Bob said as he stared at Charlie's bright eyes. "I like my things looking like... Well, things. Can you imagine buying furniture that looked like a naked guy, for example?"

"They're all made from naked guys all the same."

"Mmm... But the SofaBoi I'm sitting on was already pre-coated from the processing factory, so I can use him for years without even needing to know what he looked like before his transformation. I prefer it that way."

That's when Otto noticed the sofa's broken leg that Bob had split in two thanks to his morbid obesity. "Looks like we need to replace the SofaBoi." He sighed.

"We can redecorate our office later." Said Bob as he jerked his dick through Charlie. "Anyway, we were supposed to also test the new stretching capabilities of the FleshBoi, right? Care to join me?"

"Geez, fine. But stay away from me, you really need a shower." Otto began to undress without feeling a hint of shame: they were just two straight buddies sharing a toy. 

Otto' body was slim and lanky, but even more hairy than Bob's. His cock was also much bigger, to Charlie's dismay. 

If a gay person saw them naked next to each other, they'd say Bob was the fat bear and Otto was the hairy and tall otter.

Otto grabbed the opposite end of the toy, stretched it and inserted his cock up Charlie's big butt.

As Bob and Otto spitroasted their double edged fleshlight, Charlie was thoroughly humiliated. Not only was he being used by two guys and stretched to hell and back but they did so without a care for him. 

It wasn't a threesome, it was just two guys and a toy. They even had mentioned they were just QA testers, so maybe the two weren't enthusiastic about the whole idea of fucking Charlie even, this was just another product testing phase to go through.

Bob was about to orgasm and put his hand on Otto's shoulder for support.

"Hey, what did I just say about maintaining your distance?" Otto said as he took Charlie's anal virginity.

"Shaddup. I'm about to cum...!"

"Geez, Bob. You reek." He squeezed Bob's hefty tit.  "And you have bigger boobs than my wife, heh."

"Just shaddup already!"

The toy got a big taste of Bob's torrent of cum. Bob removed his cock from Charlie unceremoniously, most of the cum staying inside the toy.

As Otto rode Charlie's ass, he asked Bob a question. "So are we approving this one for sale?"

"Nope. I misplaced my last FleshBoi so I'm going to come up with some excuse to take this one home."

"Cool." Otto had almost finished fucking the fleshlight. "Wait, misplaced? How do you even lose a sextoy? You took it for a walk?"

"Well, when I say misplaced I actually mean it splitted in two. I thought it was a stretchable one like this one is, but it wasn't."

"Hah, don't worry about it. FleshBois are made to suffer after all. For them it's either getting damaged beyond repair or ending up abandoned in some dump." Otto casually mentioned Charlie's most probable fate as he squished the pathetic and helpless toy. 

The hairy otter fucked the former twink like an onahole without a hint of remorse. 

An entire life devoting his existence to being fucked by straight men who barely acknowledged his most basic human rights. This was the unruly criminal's well-deserved court-ruled sentence.

In hindsight, the FleshBoi really regretted having stolen that bottle of vodka at his local supermarket. 

[grrside]

Asuntos Geométricos

Dos compañeros de trabajo acaban siendo transformados en formas muy ridículas e indefensas. ¿Quién les hizo esto? Y aún más importante, ¿está condenada la raza humana en su totalidad? Una historia de ciencia ficción absurda llena de cambios humillantes, fetiches, humillación, humor negro y una gran enseñanza sobre lo mucho que el amor puede cambiar el mundo... Para bien o para mal.

Asuntos geométricos

-Escrito por grrside-

CAPÍTULO 1

Estaba trabajando duro mirando docenas de vídeos porno mientras me sentaba en el inodoro cuando escuché su molesta voz. Podía reconocer esa voz afeminada aguda en cualquier lugar. Miré un poco por la puerta y di en el clavo: esa voz pertenecía a John, del departamento de informática.

John el informático había entrado a los aseos del edificio de oficinas. Detrás de sus gafas de montura gruesa se veía un rostro grasiento, con obesidad mórbida y mal afeitado. Llevaba una camisa negra que no le quedaba bien con un estampado que representaba un personaje de mapache al estilo anime. El estampado estaba siendo estirado a la fuerza por la barriga tambaleante de su dueño y aun así no podía cubrirla por completo, la barriga peluda del gordo estaba constantemente expuesta. Llevaba pantalones cortos holgados que no cubrían nada debajo de sus rodillas y sandalias verdes. Lo más probable es que quisiera airear sus piernas para no sudar tanto, pero solo logró exhibir sus piernas peludas.

Para resumir, John el informático parecía un payaso grande y gordo, todo un empollón.

Normalmente estaría bastante enojado de que un tipo así se atreviera a interrumpir mi descanso diario para ir al baño y mirar porno, pero para mi diversión, John hizo algo extremadamente divertido.

Había entrado al baño de hombres cantando una canción japonesa que su teléfono estaba reproduciendo en modo karaoke. Estaba tan distraído por su propio frikismo que no se dio cuenta de que no estaba solo en la habitación. Su figura regordeta se paseó por el baño, pavoneándose con su grasa corporal en rítmicos movimientos de baile hasta que llegó a los urinarios. Se bajó los pantalones cortos y sus calzoncillos blancos en un rápido movimiento de baile que no solo reveló su vergüenza frontal a la pared de los urinarios, sino también sus nalgas peludas que palpitaban rítmicamente a mi cara de voyeur.

¡Oh, esto no tenía precio!

El pequeño aspersor flácido de John salpicó un chorro amarillo por todo el urinario, sin importarle las gotas de orina que salpicaban el suelo. En lugar de sacudir su salchicha para exprimir las últimas gotas, sacudi�� todo su espectáculo de cuerpo de lado a lado. Fue entonces cuando la canción llegó a su clímax y el gordo se dio la vuelta para hacer un solo de guitarra imaginario... con los pantalones aún bajados.

¡Joder, los genitales de John eran un botoncito encima de dos nueces gigantes! ¡Estaban temblando violentamente como si estuvieran armados y fueran peligrosos, pero esa era la polla más pequeña que había visto en mi vida! ... ¿Podrías incluso llamar a esa cosa un pene?

Lamentablemente, mi teléfono sonó debido a un mensaje de texto que me envió un compañero de trabajo y el pequeño baile privado de John para mí se interrumpió... No sin antes dejar escapar un grito de niña asustada y cubrir su pequeña excusa de una polla como si fuera algo que valiera la pena cubrir.

Abrí la puerta y finalmente pude estallar en mi risa reprimida.

"¿V-viste todo eso?" Preguntó con voz temblorosa mientras se subía rápidamente sus pantalones cortos holgados y tocaba la pantalla de su teléfono, mis oídos finalmente se aliviaron de escuchar esa maldita canción.

"Si, vi todo *eso*. Fue impresionante... El baile, quiero decir. Tu pichita no era mucho de lo que presumir". Dije con una gran sonrisa.

La forma en que el rostro de John se sonrojaba era algo para recordar. "¡Por favor, no le digas a nadie...!"

"No te preocupes, yo no haría algo tan mezquino". dije con calma. "Especialmente cuando simplemente puedo subirlo todo a internet". Le mostré mi teléfono que estaba reproduciendo un video de su solo de guitarra de pene una y otra vez en un bucle infinito.

"¡¡¡¿Ahh?!!" Su agudo grito de terror fue delicioso. "¡Bórralo! ¡¡¡ELIMINALO!!!" Trató de alcanzar mi teléfono, pero ese cuerpo bajo y gordo que tenía no era rival para mí.

"¿Qué lograría eso? Ya está cargado en mi almacenamiento en línea. Solo tengo que presionar el botón de compartir y-" Bajé mi dedo lenta y teatralmente.

"¡¡NOOOOOOO!!! ¡No lo hagas, Mike! ¡Haré cualquier cosa...!" El rogó.

Me reí de la forma en que se humilló frente a mí. Debe sentirse en la parte inferior de la cadena alimenticia. Parecía tan ridículamente vulnerable.

No había forma de que yo realmente entendiera cómo se sentía dentro de esa cabeza redonda suya. Después de todo, había sido un atleta en forma toda mi vida. Gracias a mi exuberante cabello rubio, alta estatura y ojos brillantes, se me consideraba universalmente guapo incluso antes de comenzar a ir al gimnasio, trabajar en mi bronceado y cuidar mucho mi cuerpo. Me di cuenta de que todos los otros chicos en el gimnasio estaban celosos de mi apariencia solo por la forma en que me miraban, ¿y quién no? Las chicas me adoraban, los chicos me felicitaban e incluso a mí me encantaba mirarme en espejos y fotos. Era guapo, alto y fuerte y me aseguraba de que todo el mundo lo supiera.

Por supuesto, no era *TAN* mezquino, y nunca tuve planes de hacer público el vergonzoso video de John el informático. Disfruto bromear con hombres inferiores, pero no era un monstruo. Aún así...

"¿Algo, eh...?" Me preguntaba qué estaría dispuesto a ofrecer John el informático a cambio de la poca dignidad que le quedaba. Al menos hasta que sucedió algo completamente fuera de lugar.

John el informático, él... simplemente... desapareció...

Lo digo en serio. Así. Un segundo estaba frente a mí, al siguiente, no lo estaba.

El gordo grande y enorme completamente desaparecido.

No solo se escapó. Me di cuenta porque su ropa de tamaño XXXXL todavía estaba frente a mí.

Así es, a pesar de que John se había evaporado misteriosamente, su ropa todavía estaba suspendida en el aire frente a mí, como si su cuerpo simplemente se hubiera vuelto invisible.

Extendí mi mano hacia la llamativa camisa de mapache de anime, pero la ropa cayó rápidamente sobre las frías baldosas del piso del baño antes de que pudiera agarrarla. Los textiles desechados me devolvieron la mirada, la representación inerte del personaje animal sonriente contrastaba con la expresión estupefacta de mi propio rostro.

Sin embargo, la ropa que caía al suelo cuando nadie la estaba usando era lógico. El portador de repente desvaneciendo, no tanto.

"¿Qué demonios?" Grité. "John, ¿dónde estás?"

Como temía, mi pregunta no tuvo respuesta. Pensamientos fluían en mi mente. ¿Fue un fenómeno sobrenatural? Santo cielo. ¿Qué pasa si alguien sospecha erróneamente que fui yo quien lo hizo desaparecer de la faz de la Tierra? Nadie creería jamás mi historia y me enviarían a la cárcel. Deseé haber captado el truco de desaparición imposible de John en la cámara.

Miré la pila de ropa de empollón con desesperación. "¡John, di algo!"

Para mi sorpresa, algo enterrado debajo de la pila de ropa sudada se movió. No hizo ningún sonido, pero estaba completamente seguro de que se movió un poco... Sea lo que sea.

Tragué saliva. Iba a tener que desenterrar lo que fuera, ¿no?

No sabía qué esperar. ¿Quizás un fantasma secuestró a John para llevarlo al más allá y dejó un pegote de ectoplasma repugnante? No, los fantasmas no existen. Esa teoría era absurda... ¡No, todo esto era absurdo!

Me agaché y levanté la camisa negra de la pila. La camisa se sentía mojada y pegajosa en mis manos... Me estremecí de asco, pero obviamente no era ectoplasma. Era el sudor de John.

El bulto en la pila se retorció una vez más y, para mi horror, estaba enredado en los calzoncillos de John. Suspiré y contuve la respiración. Desenvolví la ropa interior maloliente de John como si fuera un regalo sorpresa debajo de un árbol de Navidad, excepto que no tenía ganas de saber lo que iba a encontrar dentro.

Lo que encontré fue... Una pelota blanda, perfectamente redonda. ¿Una pelota antiestrés? ¿Llevaba John esta cosa en el bolsillo? Lo recogí y lo examiné de cerca en mi búsqueda desesperada de algún indicio del paradero actual de John.

La pelota era un poco más grande que una pelota de tenis, de color rosa con un patrón de piel negra que decoraba su superficie. Tenía que estar hecho de materiales orgánicos o algo así porque se sentía suave y cálido al tacto, su diminuto cabello negro ligeramente rizado me rozaba los dedos mientras lo apretaba con fuerza.

"*¡PFFFFT!*"

Para mi sorpresa hizo un ruido. Tal vez no era una pelota antiestrés sino un juguete para perros. Aparentemente, el sonido había salido de un agujero en el lado opuesto. Le di la vuelta a la pelota y allí estaba, un pequeño agujero fruncido rodeado por una densa mancha de pelo negro. El agujero se veía muy apretado pero el material orgánico era elástico, estaba seguro de que mi dedo del medio entraría fácilmente.

¿Fue mi imaginación o la pelota comenzó a temblar nerviosamente como si temiera lo que estaba a punto de hacer?

Había algo tan vulnerable en este agujero parpadeante que no pude resistirme a burlarme de él. Puse la punta de mi dedo dentro y sentí el calor almacenado de forma segura en el interior.

Toda la bola se contrajo y me apresuré a quitar el dedo, temiendo que se quedara atrapado dentro como una de esas trampas para dedos.

Pero me preguntaba cuánto más tomaría la pequeña cosa. Abrí el agujero vivo y palpitante con los pulgares para observar más de cerca la calidad de sus materiales.

Pero antes de que pudiera explorar a fondo sus estrechos interiores, el pequeño agujero apretado expulsó una cálida ráfaga de viento maloliente directamente en mi cara. Tosí y la pelota blanda se deslizó de mis torpes manos. La peculiar esfera rebotó sin poder hacer nada alrededor del baño por más tiempo de lo que esperaba hasta que rodó hacia atrás junto a mis zapatillas Nike.

Inmediatamente me arrepentí de haber agarrado ese mal chiste. Supongo que tenía que ser una especie de cojín juguetón. Independientemente de lo que pudiera ser, definitivamente era asqueroso, peludo, resbaladizo y su agujero arrugado simplemente no dejaba de expulsar gas maloliente.

Me recordaba a John el informático, en cierto modo.

De repente sentí una sensación de constricción envolviendo todo mi cuerpo. Al principio fue solo una ligera sensación molesta, pero luego, en un instante, sentí como si toda la gravedad del planeta me aplastara desde seis direcciones diferentes a la vez.

Esta extraña sensación me tragó por completo, devorándome en menos de un segundo solo para excretar lo poco que quedaba de mí después.

Caí de cara al suelo y mi visión se volvió negra. Quería gritar, pero me habían robado la capacidad de hablar. Solo podía oler el aroma familiar de mi suspensorio Nike húmedo en silencio.

Me sentí aplastado y comprimido. Traté de moverme, de liberarme de los pesados ​​muros invisibles que me oprimían, pero usando toda mi fuerza apenas pude sacudir mi forma impotente. Tuve el extraño pensamiento de que tal vez esas no eran paredes, sino mi propio cuerpo comprimiéndose espontáneamente.

Pero, ¿cómo podría suceder eso? Había oído hablar de cuerpos que se incendiaban espontáneamente según videos probablemente fakes de YouTube, pero no de cuerpos que decidieran comprimirse espontáneamente.

No sé cuánto tiempo estuve atrapado allí solo en esa oscuridad húmeda y algodonosa que preocupantemente olía a mi propio semen secándose, pero me pareció una eternidad.

Pero lo siguiente que supe fue que comencé a escuchar pasos acercándose a mi lamentable estado y no estaba seguro de si debería haberme sentido aliviado o incluso más asustado, porque quienquiera que estuviera allí se convertiría en mi salvador o en mi torturador.

Sentí un apéndice frío recogiendo meticulosamente mi forma indefensa del suelo y en el preciso momento en que me quitaron el velo de algodón que era mi sucio suspensorio lo vi.

¡No era humano! Un horrible monstruo horrible sacado directamente de una película de terror y ciencia ficción estaba frente a mí, uno de sus apéndices sostenía la maloliente bola rosa que había rebotado por todo el baño antes y el otro apéndice sostenía algo que nunca antes había visto. un pequeño cubo, un ladrillo de carne humana comprimida adornada con pelos dorados, uno con un ano palpitante que parecía estar a punto de cagar un ladrillo con lo asustado que estaba. Con gran desprecio por mi comodidad, me sentí constreñido por la mano fría que me manipulaba y dejé escapar un fuerte pedo.

Fue entonces cuando me di cuenta de que el cubo de color carne en el agarre del monstruo era en realidad mi reflejo en el espejo del baño.

CAPITULO 2

Estaba trabajando duro mirando miles de videos porno mientras estaba sentado en la silla de mi oficina tratando de encontrar algo interesante.

Por supuesto, videos tan repugnantes no me excitan en absoluto. Escanear todos estos videos de mal gusto era solo parte de mi línea de trabajo. Pertenecí al departamento de Asuntos Geométricos, y como investigador de estadísticas(métricos) de la Tierra(geo), mi trabajo incluía procesar montones y montones de datos importantes sobre este planeta recién descubierto.

Eso incluía su videos porno.

Pero todos los videos que encontré eran basura inútil. La mayoría de ellos involucraban a los machos de la especie humana pegando sus aparatos para orinar en el agujero de orinar de las hembras. ¿Qué era este extraño fetiche? Los humanos son tan raros.

Devoraba mi cena bebiéndola a sorbos con una pajilla que conecté a mi orificio facial principal. Odiaba trabajar horas extras.

"¡Ovalus, hoy es tu día de suerte!" Mi jefe me dijo mientras envolvía su brazo alrededor de mi hombro, demasiado amable como siempre. Pude ver sus ojos pervertidos comiéndose con los ojos el agujero de mi vientre mientras lo hacía... Suspiro... Odiaba trabajar en una oficina con una estricta política nudista. No podía esperar a llegar a casa, vestirme con ropa formal y relajarme con mis partes íntimas cubiertas. "Nuestros inversionistas están muy interesados ​​en ese planeta que su división está investigando, ¿cómo se llamaba, Suciedad? ¿Barro?"

"Se llama Tierra".

"Sí, esa cosa. ¿Ya encontraste alguna muestra de sus actos reproductivos?"

Miré la pantalla de mi computadora, que actualmente mostraba la cara de una mujer humana intercalada entre dos gigantescos aparatos masculinos para orinar.

"Aún no."

"Avísame cuando los encuentres. Quién sabe, ¡incluso podrían estar calientes de ver! ¡Jaja!" Él, tan casualmente, se rascó el costado de su vientre de piel gris expuesta, su gran agujero en el vientre prácticamente rozaba mi cara. Pervertido. "De todos modos, nuestros inversores realmente quieren saber si esos 'humanos' son una buena fuente de energía como afirmas".

"No dije que fueran una buena fuente". Expliqué. "Solo insinué que si tuviéramos éxito en encontrar un par de ellos bien fertiles para hacerlos copular, y luego de tres o cuatro generaciones de descendientes modificados genéticamente, habría una baja posibilidad de que-"

"¡Perfecto! Quiero que tu experimento potencia todas las bombillas de este edificio de oficinas para mañana. Eso sería muy bueno para las relaciones públicas de la empresa... Hágalo o lo despediré".

"¡¿Eh?!"

"¡Es broma! Simplemente cerraría tu división y te degradaría. ¡Eres demasiado guapo para que te dejen ir tan fácilmente!" Se rió, su barriga sudorosa saltando mientras lo hacía.

"Meh, gracias..."

Mi grueso jefe sacó su barriga indecentemente grande de mi oficina y me quedé allí, sintiéndome consternado y derrotado. Para empeorar las cosas, mi comida se había enfriado. "Esto es una mierda". Dije en voz baja.

Pero no dejaría que la investigación de toda mi división se desperdiciara. Sólo tenía que acelerar todo el proceso.

Hackear dentro de las bases de datos de los proveedores de servicios de Internet de la Tierra fue pan comido. El problema era buscar en toda la basura que los humanos cargaban en su almacenamiento en la nube supuestamente encriptado día tras día.

Empecé a ingresar una nueva consulta de búsqueda usando mi voz. "Videos tomados durante este último minuto que muestran humanos sacudiendo sus..." Me sonrojé. No podía creer lo que iba a decir en voz alta. "... Agujeros de la barriga" susurré avergonzado de mí mismo.

La computadora vomitó una lista realmente larga de nombres de archivo. No tuve tiempo de abrir todos esos archivos, así que no podía ser muy exigente. Decidí ver el video más reciente.

Lo que vi fue... Guau. Era un primer plano de un hombre humano mostrando su gran barriga. Era mucho más grande que la de mi jefe, sin mencionar que el agujero de su vientre estaba cubierto por una gran mancha de cabello humano rebelde. ¡Parecía tan masculino y listo para follar! Y el chico parecía saber lo que estaba cañón, porque no dejaba de bailar el vientre frente a la cámara. Estaba cantando lo que tenían que ser gritos de apareamiento humano con una voz angelical.

¡Joder! Me había ganado el premio gordo con este. ¡Este era el ejemplo más obsceno de un ritual de apareamiento humano que jamás había visto capturado en la naturaleza! El humano que grababa esto desde el otro lado de la cámara debe haber quedado completamente cautivado con este atractivo semental. Y quién lo culparía, si un chico hiciera un acto erótico tan atrevido frente a mí, me enamoraría completamente de-

... Espera, este metraje fue solo una investigación. ¡No podía dejarme llevar por la pornografía, y mucho menos por un video porno *humano*!

Sin embargo, estoy eligiendo completamente a este humano para el proyecto.

Sin siquiera ver el video hasta el final, lo copié en mi carpeta de trabajo (y en mi carpeta personal para disfrutarlo más tarde, jeje) y analicé sus metadatos. El video fue etiquetado geográficamente, por lo que encontrar la ubicación exacta del ser humano fue extremadamente simple. Solo tenía que cargar las coordenadas en el teletransportador y extraer el sujeto.

Ah, y para hacer las cosas más fáciles, incluso podría geometrizarlo de forma remota. Solo tenía que teletransportar una bala G antes de ir yo mismo para que el objetivo se transformara y estuviera listo para disparar cuando llegara allí, y eso fue lo que hice.

Sin embargo, cuando me teletransporté a la Tierra, no solo encontré al sujeto geometrizado tirado en el suelo sin poder hacer nada como esperaba... Me había olvidado por completo del otro humano, el que había grabado el video y muy probablemente el amante del objetivo. Actualmente estaba distraído haciendo que el objetivo rebotara por toda la habitación que apestaba a pis.

Que gran molestia. Afortunadamente, había traído una pistola de geometrización de repuesto, así que disparé a este insolente inconveniente desde mi escondite.

Primero recogí mi objetivo principal, que se había reducido a una forma completamente redonda y rebotante. La bola de carne humana comprimida de alguna manera se veía aún más grasienta y más gorda, midiendo solo siete unidades universales de diámetro.

¿Cuánto de eso era pura grasa corporal? ¡Qué forma esférica tan perfecta era! No es sorprendente considerando lo genéticamente superior que era a los otros humanos.

Realmente extrañaría su agujerito de la barriga. Pero solo podía dejar un agujero, y usar su agujero de su barriga como enchufe de entrada sería demasiado inhumano incluso para un investigador como yo. Por eso mi geometrizador estaba configurada para dejarles el agujero más insensible de todas las especies conocidas: el agujero del culo.

Quiero decir, ¿puedes siquiera considerar que los anos sean... agujeros? Son solo un vestigio evolutivo que no sirve absolutamente para nada. ¡Incluso nuestros aparatos para orinar completamente insensibles y flácidos pueden disipar los desechos, haciéndolos más útiles que ese pseudoagujero!

Miré la otra pila de ropa humana descartada. No tenía ninguna razón para recoger a su pareja. Los sujetos geometrizados nunca pueden regresar a su forma original, lo cual era obvio considerando toda su masa extra innecesaria que se desintegró instantáneamente en el acto. Entonces, ¿qué haría con esta pasajero de gorra inesperado? Por mucho que prefiera dejarlo a su suerte y buscar una pareja genéticamente superior en su lugar, no podía ser exigente con el poco tiempo que mi jefe me había concedido. Y así, de mala gana, cogí el segundo trozo de carne. A diferencia del espécimen perfecto de antes, este humano inadecuado y poco atractivo se había convertido en un cubo duro y rígido. Como puede ser algo tan despreciable y fea, no me lo explico...

CAPÍTULO 3

El monstruo era horrible.

Parecía sacado directamente de una película de terror y ciencia ficción. Sus ojos eran de forma ovalada, grandes y de un negro profundo. Su piel era de un tono gris de otro mundo y estaba llena de pequeños bultos. Extremidades delgadas y alargadas con una estructura esquelética muy visible. Sus movimientos eran lentos y metódicos, haciéndolo parecer una forma de vida aterradora pero inteligente.

Asumo que es un *"él"* porque un pene grande y maloliente se balanceaba entre sus piernas cuando caminaba, pero ¿cómo diablos iba a saberlo con certeza? Era la primera vez que veia un extraterrestre.

Era inquietantemente alto, la parte superior de su cabeza casi llegaba al techo. Y desde mi nueva perspectiva como un pequeño cubo de carne desnuda que sostenía en su mano con dedos huesudos y fríos, era un puto gigante.

Me di cuenta de que me despreciaba. Sus ojos negros estaban llenos de odio mientras me miraba por todas partes.

Miré la bola rosa peluda en su otra mano. ¡Oh, Dios, ese tenía que ser John el informático! Este terrible monstruo nos había reducido a ambos a patéticas formas geométricas en sus manos. Quería gritar pidiendo ayuda o incluso preguntarle a John el informático qué iba a pasar con nosotros, pero solo éramos los juguetes silenciosos de este alienígena.

El alienígena me apretó con fuerza, haciendo que mi ano soltara audiblemente un poco de aire. ¡Eso dolió como mil demonios! ¿Y por qué tuve la sensación de que no exprimió a John el informático tan fuerte como a mí? Ese gordo siempre había sido una gran bola de grasa, pero en mi caso no tenía ninguna razón para convertirme en un cubo sin rasgos con solo un ano y algo de mi vello corporal rubio... Quiero decir, cuando me miré en el espejo no podía ni ver que tuviera ojos, ¿cómo no estaba ciego? Todavía podía ver, oler y oír, ¿mis sentidos también se comprimieron en mi forma cúbica? ¡Me daría dolor de cabeza pensar en eso si todavía tuviera cabeza!

Nuestro entorno cambió repentinamente, el baño fue reemplazado por un laboratorio lleno de maquinaria de otro mundo. ¿Habíamos sido transportados al OVNI del extraterrestre? O peor aún, ¿habíamos sido teletransportados a su planeta natal, a años luz de casa? Tantas cosas extrañas sucedían tan rápido que era difícil para mí procesar todo. ¿Dónde diablos estábamos?

CAPÍTULO 4

Estábamos de vuelta en mi laboratorio. Uf, gracias a Dios, ese planeta apestaba a pis. Aunque todo lo que había visitado era un aseo, así que eso era de esperar, supongo.

Empecé de inmediato. Ya tenía un prototipo de una central eléctrica en miniatura funcionando y listo para funcionar. Si mi teoría es correcta, eventualmente podríamos implementar estos generadores a una escala mucho mayor. Lo único que faltaba era... Bueno, ¡la fuente de energía en sí! Miré a mis humanos transformados.

La pelota fue perfecta. Muy rebotante y apretujable en mi mano. ¡No podría haber elegido un conejillo de indias mejor! ¡Su agujero peludo no dejaba de saludarme con ruiditos graciosos! Los humanos pueden ser realmente interesantes.

El cubo, sin embargo... Era demasiado voluminoso y rígido. Toqué su agujero con el dedo y estaba demasiado apretado. No creo que encaje bien. Pero le daré una oportunidad por lo menos. Quién sabe, tal vez me sorprenda.

Mi planta de energía de bolsillo tenía lo que parecían dos antenas gigantes que en realidad no eran antenas sino enchufes de entrada de energía. La salida estaba conectada a una bombilla. Solo tenía que conectar a los humanos en la parte superior de las antenas de entrada para extraerles la electricidad y, con un poco de suerte, la bombilla se encendería, lo que haría que mi experimento fuera un éxito.

Pulsé un interruptor y el generador empezó a zumbar. ¡Veamos cuánto jugo podemos obtener de estos dos!

Empecé con la pelota. Metí la antena en su agujero peludo y se deslizó muy bien. ¡Quedaba como un guante! No importa cuánto vibraba el generador, la bola aguantaba todo. Me preguntaba si este humano tenía mucha práctica previa metiéndose cosas en el trasero. Probablemente lo ejercitó como un buen atleta. La pelota se puso un poco roja y sudorosa y me pregunté si los humanos tendrían alguna sensibilidad en el ano. Si tuvieran aunque sea un poco, entonces este experimento me convertiría en un monstruo... Nah, eso era una fantasía muy tonta. Son simples agujeros vestigiales.

Se encendió un LED verde, lo que indica una fuente de alimentación válida. La bombilla no se encendió, pero eso era de esperar. No funcionaría con una sola entrada de energía.

Agarré el cubo e insertarlo en la antena fue una tarea hercúlea. Su trasero se apretó, rechazando a cualquier intruso externo. Tuve que usar mucha saliva para lubricar esta cosa insolente para poder meter la antena vibrante por su tracto anal.

Y como temía, el LED se puso rojo, lo que indica una fuente de alimentación no válida.

El ano del cubo era tan obstinado que se deslizó de la antena y el humano no válido cayó al suelo.

Justo como temía.

Esto fue una pérdida de tiempol. Este patético cuadrado simplemente no encajaba bien. Será mejor que busque un humano más adecuado. Volveré a mi computadora para-

De repente, la puerta de mi laboratorio se abrió y entró mi jefe.

"¡Ovalus! ¿Tienes el generador en funcionamiento? ¡Uno de los inversores quiere resultados inmediatos! ¡Esto no puede esperar hasta mañana!"

"¡Ah! ¡Uh, bueno, está prácticamente listo!" Mentí. "¡Solo necesito unos minutos más para afinarlo!"

"¡Sabía que podía contar contigo, mi semental empleado!" Dijo mi jefe antes de quitar su obsceno vientre de mi vista.

Mierda. ¿Por qué mentí? Era imposible encontrar un reemplazo humano en tan poco tiempo. A menos que...

Miré el patético cubo en el suelo. ¿Tal vez pueda forzarlo? No tomaría más de un minuto usar *ESO*...

CAPÍTULO 5

Oh dios, ¡no quiero subirme a esa extraña antena nunca más! ¡Mi pobre agujero! ¡Incluso mi cuerpo cúbico cayendo contra el suelo se sentía mejor que eso!

Cuando el alienígena con sobrepeso entró en la habitación, mi captor y él conversaron en un idioma muy extraño. ¿Qué habrían dicho? Supongo que nunca lo sabría.

Mi captor me recogió del suelo. Prefiería quedarme perdido y olvidado aquí abajo la verdad, muchas gracias. Pero mi captor parecía tener otros planes para mí. Me colocó sobre una fría mesa metálica y sacó algo de un cajón. Parecía una especie de dispositivo médico. Una especie de tubo grueso conectado a una pequeña computadora de algún tipo. ¡Oh, mierda, no me digas que planea clavarme ese tubo en mi agujero! ¡El vibrador raro había sido bastante horrible y quién sabe lo que haría este otro aparato!

Sin embargo, mi torturador alienígena no escucharía mis súplicas. Insertó el tubo en mi recto sin cuidado.

El tubo no vibraba ni nada por el momento. Pero no me estaba haciendo ilusiones de que esto fuera todo.

Ingresó un comando en la pequeña computadora de este artilugio y luego me dejó solo mientras hacía otras cosas triviales en la habitación.

No sentí nada raro. Por ahora. Sólo una pequeña sensación persistente en el fondo de mi mente. Como si una pequeña aguja estuviera cavando muy dentro...

Sentí mi cuerpo un poco lleno. ¿El tubo me estaba llenando de aire? ¿Iba a inflarme hasta reventar como un globo? Tal vez esa sería la mejor opción. Prefiero estallar en un millón de pedazos que seguir temiendo qué diablos me pasaría en este lugar-

De repente, una ráfaga de viento nubló mis sentidos. ¿Que era esto? Esta pequeña molestia persistente se arrastraba por toda mi mente, buscando algo. Me pregunto, ¿qué estaba buscando tan adentro de mí?

"¡Plín!" La computadora a mi lado emitió un sonido alegre, como si estuviera feliz de haber encontrado lo que estaba buscando.

Y luego la aguja me desgarró de adentro hacia afuera.

Un dolor insoportable, mi conciencia se disolviéndose en la nada.

Y luego no quedó nada de mí.

CAPÍTULO 6

Me desperté en una habitación colorida.

Me sentí tan aliviado y feliz. Todo había sido solo una terrible pesadilla. El incidente con John el informático en el baño, el extraterrestre aterrador, el laboratorio del otro mundo... Y lo más importante, ser reducido a una forma tan primitiva e indefensa... Todo había sido solo un mal sueño.

Aturdido, traté de levantarme. Me dolía todo el cuerpo como mil demonios, ¿me quedé dormido en el suelo? Eso explicaría una pesadilla tan extraña.

La habitación estaba brillantemente iluminada y decorada con patrones muy coloridos... ¡Espera, esta no era mi habitación! ¿Donde estaba? Indagé en mis recuerdos, pero no podía recordar dónde había estado ayer. De hecho, había un gran vacío neblinoso en mis recuerdos. ¿Me había emborrachado o algo así? Nunca antes había visto esta habitación en mi vida... Espera, espera, de alguna manera me resultaba muy familiar... Tenía un recuerdo muy vago de ella...

Miré toda la habitación. Algo sobre las proporciones de la habitación estaba muy fuera de lugar. Era como una habitación hecha para gigantes. Miré a mi alrededor y vi... ¿Qué eran estas formas coloridas...? ¿Juguetes?

Estaba rodeado de juguetes. Eran juguetes de plástico baratos con formas geométricas básicas. Instantáneamente recordé mi pesadilla en la que John el informático y yo nos convertimos en una esfera y un cubo. No puede ser, pero...

Me di cuenta de que de hecho no podía levantarme del suelo sin importar cuánto lo intentara. El suelo estaba frío sobre mi superficie desnuda. Mi forma cúbica comprimida comenzó a sudar de pavor. Quería gritar, pero solo poseía un agujero, mi ano expuesto...

Sonó una campana. ¿Dónde la había escuchado antes? Hacía muchos años que no la oía...

Escuché pasos y en el momento en que vi a quién pertenecían estos pasos, solo quería morir. Era el extraterrestre que me había transformado. Su cuerpo gigantesco se acercó a mi forma lastimosamente diminuta. Todavía estaba desnudo, su gran polla se balanceaba de lado a lado mientras caminaba. Era tan amenazador como siempre.

Excepto por el hecho de que... En la parte superior de su cabeza, llevaba un colorido gorro.

Era un sombrero tan ridículo. La reacción más natural hubiera sido reírse de un accesorio tan absurdo y fuera de lugar. Sin embargo, me sorprendió. Ese gorro me resultaba muy familiar. Era la cosa que *él* usaba...

Y para mi sorpresa, el extraterrestre habló en mi propio idioma.

"Que chupi guay, es recreo".

Las palabras alegres que pronunciaba contrastaban mucho con la profundidad masculina de su voz. Era como un actor muy malo interpretando un papel. ¿Pero qué papel...?

"Profesor dice que soy el más inteligente de mi clase... A diferencia de ese perdedor, Mike". Su voz era monótona y sin alma, como si estuviera leyendo un guión.

El alienígena se sentó cerca de mí, cruzando las piernas. Agarró a uno de mis compañeros de formas de colores, una estrella verde, y lo colocó en un agujero en forma de estrella en un panel de madera lleno de recortes.

La estrella verde encaja perfectamente en el recorte. El alienígena parecía satisfecho, sintiéndose orgulloso de poder resolverlo.

Luego, el alienígena agarró la siguiente forma que correspondía al siguiente recorte: yo.

Empujó mi forma desnuda con fuerza. "Oh jopetas. Este está engordando cada día más". Luego procedió a ponerme dentro del recorte cuadrado. Pero...

"No. No. No. Este no encaja". El alienígena dijo con frialdad mientras trataba de meterme en el agujero. Fue inútil, el agujero era mucho más pequeño que yo. Por mucho que trató de forzarme por la fuerza bruta en mi interior, solo logró hacer que el cubo de carne que ahora era mi cuerpo sintiera dolor.

"¿Por qué no encajas?" Dijo su voz monótona. Sus intentos se volvieron más agresivos. Su cuerpo con movimientos rápidos y robóticos procedió a golpear mi cuerpo comprimido contra el juguete de madera. "Por qué. No. Encajas." Estaba siendo pisoteado contra la superficie dura. El golpe se hizo más severo, marcando mi pequeño cuerpo con moratones. "No encajas. No perteneces a este lugar".

¡Por favor deja de...!

"Te voy a denunciar a Profesor. Eres defectuoso", dijo mi atormentador vestido con gorro.

Yo... no soy defectuoso, ¡es demasiado difícil encajar en cualquier lugar cuando eres grande y ancho como yo!

Se puso de pie y se acercó al escritorio del profesor. Una copia del extraterrestre apareció en el asiento del profesor, pero este llevaba puesta una corbata en lugar de un gorro. "Profesor, Mike es defectuoso. No sabe encajar".

No... ¡No es mi culpa que yo no encaje! ¡Y me estaba golpeando! ¡Seguro que él es el problema!

El alienígena actuando como un maestro me miró con desagrado. "Mike, Mike, Mike..." Dijo monótonamente. "¿Por qué eres tan problemático? ¿Por qué no intentas encajar mejor? Estás tan grande, normal que no quepas. Es tu culpa, en primer lugar, nada de esto habría sucedido si no hubieras comido tantos dulces".

De repente, la habitación se llenó con una cantidad casi infinita de copias del extraterrestre con gorro. "Jajaja." Se rieron robóticamente y señalaron mi forma patéticamente grande y fea que nunca encajaría. "Mike está gordo. Mike está gordo". Corearon al unísono. "Es tan gordo que nadie lo quiere. Incluso Profesor dice que es su culpa."

¡Eso... eso ya no era cierto! ¡Trabajé duro durante años para estar en forma! ¡Mientras me mantenga en forma, seré amado y popular! Esto no puede estar pasando... ¡otra vez!

Me pasaron de mano en mano, uno tras otro, los extraterrestres altos tocaban y pinchaban mi yo indefenso sin parar. Algunos de ellos me usaron para rascarse el trasero, otros intentaron torcer y reorganizar mi forma cúbica como si fuera un cubo de Rubik defectuoso pero la mayoría de ellos usaron sus gigantescas pollas para tratar de romper mi culo expuesto.

Lo siento, me burlé de John el informático y de todos esos gordos, ¡solo estaba siendo inseguro! ¡Tenía miedo de mi propio pasado!

"Conozco un lugar donde hacen que los alborotadores como tú se pongan en forma. No lo llames campamento para gordos. Es mucho mejor que eso". El profesor dijo mientras afilaba despreocupadamente su lápiz con una máquina afiladora que hacía un sonido como una sierra.

¡No! ¡Mentira! ¡Puedo encontrar un lugar en el que pueda encajar! ¡No quiero ir a un lugar tan macabro así nunca más! ¡Por favor no! ¡En cualquier lugar menos allí...!

El maestro fue el siguiente en agarrarme con sus manos huesudas. Me colocó encima de la máquina y presionó hacía abajo. El sacapuntas automático sacó sus hojas, listo para tallar el exceso de masa de mi cuerpo indeseable. Si hubiera podido cagarme de puro terror habría hecho exactamente eso.

¡¡¡¡NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!

CAPÍTULO 7

"¡Plín!"

Que bien. Ese sonido significaba que el lavacerebros había encontrado un punto débil en la mente del humano transformado en cubo. Eso aflojaría un poco su agujero. Caminé hacia el cubo, que ahora estaba muy sudoroso por el miedo. Toqué su agujero, pero todavía parecía un poco demasiado apretado. Tal vez unos cuantos ciclos más serían suficientes.

Cien, por ejemplo.

Oh, pero eso tomaría al menos 10 minutos. Lo sé, configuraré el lavacerebros para quinientos ciclos a diez veces la velocidad. No es el ajuste más ecológico, pero no era momento de ser quisquilloso, ¡después de todo, mi trabajo estaba en peligro!

Inserté el comando. Debería haber terminado de convertir la mente del cubo en una pulpa inútil para cuando termine de jugar algunos partidas al Sweetener Crush en mi teléfono.

CAPÍTULO 6 (CICLO 2)

Me desperté en una habitación colorida.

Todo... había sido solo un mal sueño.

Sonó una campana.

Fue el extraterrestre...

"Que chupi guay. Es recreo."

Empujó mi forma desnuda con fuerza.

Los golpes se hicieron más severos, dejándome con moratones.

¡Por favor deja de hacer eso! ¡No es mi culpa que no pueda encajar!

"Ja, ja, ja. Nadie le quiere". Todos ellos corearon.

Esto no puede estar pasando... ¡otra vez!

El maestro presionó mi cuerpo hacia abajo, las cuchillas del afilador estaban listas para tallarme.

¡¡¡NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

CAPÍTULO 6 (CICLO 49)

Me desperté.

Sonó una campana.

Fuí golpeado.

Nadie me quiere.

Las cuchillas me tallaron.

¡¡¡NOOOOOOO!!!

CAPÍTULO 6 (CICLO 284)

Me desperté.

Nadie quiere un cubo defectuoso.

Las cuchillas tallaron mi exceso de masa.

Estaba agradecido.

CAPÍTULO 6 (CICLO 445)

Nadie quiere un cubo defectuoso.

Debo ser cubo perfecto.

CAPÍTULO 6 (CICLO 500)

Yo cubo perfecto. Yo cubo perfecto. Yo cubo perfecto. Yo cubo perfecto...

CAPÍTULO 8

Me había quedado sin energía en mi juego del móvil y no estaba dispuesto a pagar dinero por potenciadores premium... Espera, ¿no se suponía que debía estar pendiente de algo? Oh cierto, tenía que desconectar el cubo del lavacerebros.

El cubo ya no temblaba ni sudaba. Desenchufé el tubo y ¡guau, el agujero del cubo estaba tan flojo que mi aparato para orinar cabría dentro! ¡Estaba realmente impresionado!

Pero eso no era lo que importaba en este momento. Todo esto sería en vano si no podía encender la maldita bombilla.

Inserté el agujero engrandado del cubo en la antena de entrada y...

... ¡No solo el LED se volvió verde, la bombilla explotó gracias a la sobrecarga de energía! ¡Un éxito asombroso! Me sentí tan eufórico que mi ombligo estaba goteando motas de polvo preseminales!

Pero no aburriré con los detalles de mi paja de celebración. Lo importante es que después de eso pude mostrar mi prototipo a los inversores.

"Muy impresionante, de hecho. ¿Y puede subastecer a todo el edificio con solo dos de ellos?"

"¡Así es! De hecho, creo que podemos encender todo el vecindario con solo este par de sujetos. Los humanos son ciertamente una fuente de energía mucho más rica de lo que esperábamos". Hablé mientras sostenía el micrófono en la conferencia de prensa. "Y gracias a nuestro geometrizador, los humanos pueden convertirse en fuentes de energía compactas y portátiles que superan con creces su esperanza de vida original y apenas necesitan subastecimiento ni mantenimiento.".

"¿Cuántos humanos necesitaría para subastecer todo el planeta?"

Mi jefe intervino para esta pregunta. "Todavía estamos en las primeras etapas para poder ofrecer un número exacto, pero hay al menos siete mil millones de humanos en la Tierra disponibles para cosechar. Eso es más que suficiente para sostener nuestro planeta en las próximas décadas y esperamos ampliar nuestro negocio interplanetariamente en los próximos años. También estamos investigando formas de criar humanos en granjas para cuando la Tierra finalmente se quede sin ellos".

"Señor Ovalus, eres el genio investigador jefe de Asuntos Geométricos, ¿verdad? Primera pregunta, ¿está soltero?", bromeó el inversionista y todos en la reunión de inversionistas se rieron.

Me sonrojé. ¡Será mejor que me acostumbre a esto,  porque estaba a punto de ser mucho más popular y exitoso! ¡Una vida de ensueño me esperaba! Y pensar que todo empezó con una mísera bola y un cubo...

"Segunda pregunta." El inversor se puso más serio. "¿Exactamente, esos humanos, cómo generan tanto poder?"

"¡Oh, eso es bastante simple! Como mencioné, se necesitan enchufar de dos en dos. Eso es porque todo lo que se necesita es una chispa.". Le guiñé mi ojo ovalado.

Mi entrevistador parecía perplejo. "¿Y qué tipo de chispa es esa?"

CAPÍTULO 9

No podía creer lo que acababa de pasar. Convertirme en una maldita bola que solo podía tirar pedos, el extraterrestre apareciendo, ser teletransportado a un laboratorio extraño, tener un vibrador insertado en mi culo... ¡Era demasiado! Pero curiosamente, la peor parte de mi día fue cuando Mike grabó mi cuerpo gordo y se burló de mi pene.

Siempre había amado a Mike en secreto. Pero que se burlara de mí y me humillara me había roto el corazón.

Absurdo, ¿no? Me habían reducido a una pelota con un consolador vibrante permanentemente anclado a mi culo, pero no podía dejar de pensar en lo mucho que sufrí por culpa de Mike.

Me asusté mucho cuando el extraterrestre lo agarró y le obligó a usar ese extraño artilugio. No podíamos hablar y ni siquiera teníamos expresiones faciales, pero ese pequeño cubo bronceado parecía estar sufriendo tanta angustia cuando la máquina comenzó a funcionar.

Cuando eso terminó y el extraterrestre puso a Mike en el vibrador junto a mí, me sentí extrañamente aliviado. Estaba feliz de que Mike estuviera a mi lado otra vez, aunque no pudieramos comunicarnos.

Los vibradores que tormentaban nuestros anos absorbían nuestra energía, o tal vez nos estaban usando para crear nueva energía de la nada, era muy confuso para mí.

Estábamos en una situación desesperada, pero mi deseo era poder volver a hablar con Mike.

"...Cubo perfecto."

¡Me sorprendió, era la voz de Mike! Pero sonaba hueco y sin vida...

"¿Mike? ¡Por favor háblame! ¡Soy yo, John!"

Miré con preocupación el cubo a mi lado. No podía entender por qué, pero podía volver a ver la cara de Mike.

Tal vez solo era una imagen mental, pero solo podía agradecer que pude ver el hermoso rostro de Mike nuevamente, incluso si desafortunadamente su cuerpo deformado en forma de cubo estaba boca abajo. Pero su expresión facial no tenía vida. Parecía una cáscara cúbica de sí mismo.

"¿Quién es Mike? Yo cubo... Yo cubo *perfecto*".

"¡No, Mike! ¡No eres un cubo! ¡No puedes sucumbir a ser un cubo!" supliqué

"La pelota es ruidosa. Yo cubo".

¡Oh, mierda no, la mente de Mike estaba completamente rota!

"¡Soy John! ¡Tu compañero de trabajo! ¡No soy una simple pelota, soy una persona, como tú! ¡Somos seres humanos!"

"La bola está siendo tonta. Yo cubo".

Parecía una pelota, pero en mi proyección mental mis ojos se estaban poniendo llorosos.

"¡Eres el Mike confiado y engreído! Siempre estás actuando como si fueras un pez gordo, ¡aunque puedo sentir que en el fondo estás asustado!"

"Yo no estoy asustado. Yo estoy cubo."

"Siempre te esfuerzas al máximo para parecer confiado. Actuando como si siempre hubieras tenido un cuerpo perfecto, pero eso no es cierto, ¿no?"

"Yo cubo perfecto. Siempre he sido un cubo perfecto".

Me desesperé. "¡Si fueras tan perfecto no me avergonzarías constantemente!"

"Soy perfecto. Somos formas geométricas perfectas. Nuestro propósito es producir energía. Nuestra apariencia no importa.".

"¡Por supuesto que te importan las apariencias! ¡Tienes músculos, eres sexy!"

"Solo somos bloques apilados listos para cumplir un propósito mayor. Somos formas primitivas sin características personales. Encajamos perfectamente en nuestros roles".

"Eso... ¡Eso es una patraña de mentira! Porque, porque..." Indagé en mis recuerdos. Seguramente tenía que haber una manera de traer de vuelta a Mike. No me importaba lo bien que le habían lavado el cerebro. ¡Tenía que haber una gran razón por la que Mike no era el cubo perfecto que creía ser...!

"Porque... ¡Te burlaste del tamaño de mi micropene esta misma mañana! ¡Un cubo perfecto que obedece a esos feos extraterrestres al pie de la letra no haría algo tan egoísta! Puede que parezcas una masa cúbica en este momento, pero eres el humano más imperfecto que conozco ¡Y no exagero! Eres una persona tonta, idiota y mala y eso es... Por eso yo... ¡Te amo, Mike!".

"Ja". Mike se burló. "Eres muy tonto, siempre sospeché que eras gay, con una polla tan pequeña como esa debes ser un pasivo... ¿Eh? ¡Espera un momento! ¿John el informático?"

¡Sí! ¡Se acordó de mí! Sentí una gran ola de felicidad desbordándose dentro de mí.

"¿Mi confesión de amor te curó?" Dije con lagrimas de alivio en los ojos.

"¿De qué estás hablando? Todo era borroso, pero luego recordé lo ridícula que es tu pollita. ¡Era tan graciosa que no podía contener la risa!"

... Bueno, con que le haya hecho volver ya soy feliz..

"Creo que ahora lo recuerdo... Nos convertimos en un cubo y una bola y... Uh, que raro, puedo verte. No como una bola sin rasgos sino como una persona... Solo muy redonda... ¡Jaja! Estás desnudo con tu diminuto pene afuera... Espera, ¡¿y qué son estas cosas que vibran dentro de nuestros culos?!"

"No estoy seguro, pero creo que nos ayuda a tener algún tipo de conexión mental, lo que nos permite vernos como realmente somos y comunicarnos dentro de una proyección de nuestro propio espacio compartido. Creo que eso es lo que genera energía para esta máquina de alguna manera. Es como si la comunicación entre nosotros estuviera generando algún tipo de... chispa".

"¿Chispa? ¿Entre nosotros? Asqueroso. No me gusta apegarme emocionalmente, no importa cuán profundamente me desgarren el trasero. ¿Qué podemos hacer? ¿Cómo salimos de aquí?"

"Puede ser imposible en nuestros estados atrapados..."

"Oh, mierda..."

Nos quedamos en silencio. Nos llenaba de pavor pensar en lo que estos extraterrestres le harían al resto de la humanidad... Y a nosotros.

Permanecimos inmóviles y en silencio mientras los vibradores en nuestros anos nos violaban sin señales de detenerse.

...

"Oye, Mike".

"¿Sí, John?"

"¿Te apetece hablar un rato?"

Mike suspiró. "Bueno... supongo que si. Tampoco es como si pudiera apetecerme levantarme e irme. ¿De qué quieres hablar?"

"¿Qué tal si me dices por qué siempre te esfuerzas tanto por encajar entre los más populares?"

"Eso es... Uh... No es asunto tuyo". La forma cúbica de Mike se tensó a la defensiva.

"Oh, ¿así que no lo niegas?" Mi suave cuerpo hecho una bola trató de alcanzarlo.

Mike suspiró. "Solo quería un lugar al que pertenecer, ¿de acuerdo? Quiero mezclarme con ganadores, no con bolas de grasa como tú... Err, sin ofender".

"¿Y por qué eres tan crítico con las formas de otras personas?"

"Es fácil para ti acusarme de eso, siendo una bola gorda de empollón puedes rodar a través de cualquier obstáculo sin preocuparte, pero la gente en forma como yo necesita tener el cuerpo perfecto para encajar..."

"Pero... ¡Ya tienes un cuerpo atlético sólido como una roca!"

"Pero nunca es suficiente. ¡Tengo que trabajar duro para alcanzar a los otros macizorros o seré expulsado de la sociedad! Y si eso sucede, seré un perdedor, como... Como por aquel entonces... Cuando... Cuando yo...

Mike estaba... ¿A punto de llorar? No podía creer lo que percibía mi yo pelota.

"¿Qué pasa, Mike? ¿Qué pasó entonces?"

"... No podía ponerme en forma y... me enviaron a un campamento para gordos".

"Oh... creo que estoy empezando a entender todo ahora..."

Podía sentir las lágrimas cayendo por los ojos de Mike.

"No te preocupes. Tomemos las cosas con calma, ¿de acuerdo? Vamos a abrirnos poco a poco. Tenemos todo el tiempo del resto de nuestras vidas a nuestra disposición".

Esta solo se convertiría en la primera de muchas conversaciones largas e íntimas con mi crush de toda la vida. Con el tiempo, nuestras conversaciones se volvieron mucho más intensas y apasionadas. Algunos días jugábamos a que todavía éramos seres humanos hechos y derechos. Aprendimos a crear nuestros propios pequeños mundos imaginarios donde podíamos tener cualquier rol y ser cualquier cosa. Tuvimos citas mentales muy románticas. ¡Es sorprendente lo que pueden lograr dos mentes conectadas por un vibrador!

Me di cuenta de que nuestros captores alienígenas parecían satisfechos con la gran cantidad de energía amorosa que expulsábamos a través de nuestros anos.

En los años posteriores tuve la persistente sensación de que la humanidad entera podría haberse salvado si Mike y yo no nos hubiéramos enamorado y generado energía en consecuencia. Tal vez los extraterrestres habrían cancelado la gran cosecha humana y no habrían convertido a todos los seres humanos en todo tipo de formas geométricas de todos los colores y tamaños para alimentar sus electrodomésticos.

Pero luego miro a mi amado cubo permanentemente atrapado a mi lado y pienso para mis adentros...

... ¡Joder, sí que valió la pena!

[grrside]

Geometric Affairs (Male to Cube Transformation, Male to Ball TF)

Two coworkers find themselves getting transformed into very peculiar, helpless and ridiculous shapes. Who did this to them? And most importantly, is the entire human race royally screwed? An absurd sci-fi tale filled with humiliating changes, weird fetishes, humiliation, dark comedy and a message about how devastatingly world-changing true love can be.

Geometric Affairs

-a grrside story-

CHAPTER 1

I was hard at work browsing through dozens of porn vids as I sat on the toilet stall when I heard his annoying voice. I could recognize that high-pitched girly voice anywhere. I peeked a bit through the door and I was right on the money: that voice belonged to John, from the IT department.

John from IT had entered the office building's restroom. Behind his thick-framed glasses was a greasy, morbidly obese and poorly-shaven face. He was wearing an ill-fitting black shirt depicting an anime-style raccoon character. The poor shirt was being forcibly stretched by his owner's wobbling belly and even so it couldn't cover it all, the fat guy's hairy underbelly constantly exposed. He wore baggy shorts that didn't cover anything below his knees and green sandals. Most probably he wanted to keep his legs aired out so he wouldn't sweat as much, but he only succeeded in exhibiting his hairy legs.

Long story short, John from IT looked like a big fat clown of a nerd.

Normally I'd be quite pissed that such a guy would dare to interrupt my daily porn-browsing bathroom break, but to my amusement John did something extremely hilarious.

He had entered the male restroom singing a Japanese song his phone was playing in karaoke mode. He was so distracted by his own nerdiness that he didn't notice that he wasn't alone in the room. His chubby figure waddled through the restroom, strutting his body fat in rhythmic dance moves until he arrived at the urinals. He lowered his shorts and tighty whities in a swift dance move that not only revealed his front shame to the wall of urinals, but his rhytmically-pulsating hairy buttcheeks to me as well.

Oh, this was priceless!

John's sprinkler splashed a yellow stream all over the urinal, not caring about the droplets of piss splashing into the floor. Instead of shaking his wiener to squeeze out the last drops, he shook his whole spectacle of a body from side to side. That's when the song reached its climax and the fat dude turned around to make an air guitar solo with his belly... with his pants still down.

Holy shit, John's bits were a little round stub of a circle on top of two giant nuts! They were violently shaking like they were armed and dangerous yet that was the smallest dick I had ever seen!  ...Could you even call that a dick?

Regrettably, my phone chimed because of a text a coworker sent me and John's little private dance for me was cut short... Not before letting out a girly scream and covering his little excuse of a cock as if it was something worth covering.

I opened the door of the stall and I could finally burst out my suppressed laughter.

"D-did you see all of that?" He asked with a shaky voice as he hastily rose his baggy shorts back up and tapped his phone's screen, my ears finally relieved of hearing that blasted song.

"I did see all of *it*. It was impressive... The dance, I mean. Your dicklet wasn't much to brag about." I said with a big grin.

The way John's face was blushing was something to remember. "Please, don't tell anyone...!"

"Don't worry, I wouldn't do something as petty." I said calmly. "Especially when I can just simply upload the whole thing on the internet." I showed him my phone which was playing a video of his penis guitar solo over and over again in an infinite loop.

"Haaaaaah?!!" His high-pitched scream of terror was delicious. "Delete it! DELETE IT!!!" He tried to reach for my phone, but that short fat body of his was no match for me.

"What would that accomplish? It's already uploaded to my online storage. I just have to press the share button and-" I theatrically lowered my finger ever so slightly.

"NOOOOOO!!! Don't do it, Mike! I'll do anything...!" He begged.

I laughed at the way he humbled himself in front of me. He must feel at the bottom of the food chain. He looked so ridiculously vulnerable.

There was no way for me to really understand how he felt inside that round head of his. After all, I had been a fit jock all of my life. Thanks to my luscious blond hair, tall stature and bright eyes I had been universally regarded as handsome even before I started going to the gym, working on my tan, taking extra good care of my body. I could tell all the other guys at the gym were jealous of my looks just by the way they stared at me, and who wouldn't? The chicks adored me, the guys complimented me, and even I loved looking at myself in mirrors and photos. I was handsome, tall and strong and I made sure everybody fucking knew it.

Of course, I wasn't *THAT* petty, and I never had any plans to actually make John from IT's embarrassing video public. I enjoyed teasing lesser men, but I wasn't a monster. But still...

"Anything, uh...?" I wondered what John from IT would be willing to offer in exchange for whatever little dignity he had left. At least until something completely out of left field happened.

John from IT, he... simply... vanished...

I'm serious. Just like that. One second he was in front of me, the next, he wasn't.

His big, enormous fat self, completely gone.

He didn't just run away. I could tell because his XXXXL-sized clothing was still in front of me.

That's right, even though John had mysteriously evaporated his clothing was still suspended mid-air in front of me, as if his body had simply turned invisible.

I reached my hand out towards the gaudy-looking anime raccoon shirt, but the clothes rapidly fell down into the cold tiles of the restroom floor before I could grab them. The discarded textiles stared back at me, the inert representation of the smiling animal character contrasting with the stupefied expression on my own face.

Yet clothing falling down into the floor when nobody was wearing them was only logical. The wearer suddenly vanishing, not so much.

"What the hell?" I blurted out. "John, where are you?"

As I feared, my question had no reply. Thoughts raced in my mind. Was this a supernatural phenomenon? Holy crap. What if someone mistakenly suspects that I was the one who made him disappear from the face of Earth? Nobody would ever believe my story and they'd send me to jail. I wished I had caught John's impossible vanishing trick on camera.

I looked at the pile of nerd clothing with despair. "John, say something!"

To my surprise, something buried underneath the pile of sweaty clothes twitched. It didn't make any sound, but I was completely sure it moved a little... Whatever 'it' was.

I gulped. I was gonna have to dig out whatever it was, didn't I?

I didn't know what to expect. Maybe a ghost kidnapped John to take him to the afterlife and left some ectoplasm in there? No, ghosts don't exist. That theory was absurd... No, this whole thing was absurd!

I crouched down and lifted away the black shirt from the pile. The shirt felt wet and sticky in my hands... I shuddered in disgust, but it obviously wasn't ectoplasm. It was John's sweat. 

The bulge on the pile twitched once again and to my horror it was tangled in John's tighty whities. I sighed and held my breath. I unwrapped John's smelly underwear like it was a surprise gift under a Christmas tree, except I had no desire to greet what I was gonna find inside.

What I found was... A squishy ball, perfectly round. A stress ball? Was John carrying this thing in his pocket? I picked it up and examined it closely in my desperate search for some sort of hint of John's current whereabouts.

The ball was slightly bigger than a tennis ball, pink-colored with a pattern of black fur decorating its surface. It had to be made of organic materials or something because it felt soft and warm to the touch, its tiny, slightly curly black hair brushing against my fingers as I squeezed it hard-

"*PFFFFT!*"

To my surprise it made a noise. Maybe it wasn't a stress ball but a dog toy. The sound apparently had come out from a hole in the opposite side. I turned the ball around and there it was, a tiny puckered hole surrounded by a dense patch of black fur. The hole looked really tight but the organic material was stretchy, I was sure my middle finger would easily fit inside.

Was it my imagination or had the ball began to nervously tremble as if dreading what I was about to do?

There was something so vulnerable about this winking hole that I just couldn't resist teasing it. I put the tip of my finger inside and I felt the warmth safely stored inside.

The whole ball contracted and I hastily removed my finger, fearing it would get stuck inside like one of those finger traps.

But I wondered how much more would the tiny thing take. I pried the living, pulsating hole apart with my thumbs to take a closer look at the quality of its materials.

But before I could thoroughly explore its narrow insides the tiny pucker expelled a warm gust of foul-smelling wind right into my face. I coughed and the squishy ball slipped off from my clumsy hands. The peculiar sphere bounced around helplessly all around the restroom for longer than I anticipated until it rolled back next to my Nike sneakers.

I immediately regretted picking up that bad joke of a thing. It had to be some kind of whoopie cushion I guess. Regardless of what it could be, it definitely was gross, hairy, slippery and its puckered hole just wouldn't stop expelling foul-smelling gas. 

It reminded me of John from IT, in a way.

Suddenly I felt a constricting feeling enveloping my whole body. It was just a slight nagging feeling at first, but then in an instant I felt as if the whole gravity of the planet crushed me from six different directions at once.

This alien sensation swallowed me whole, devouring me in less than a second just to excrete what little remained of me afterwards.

I fell face-first into the floor and my vision went black. I wanted to scream but my ability to speak had been robbed from me. I could only smell the familiar aroma of my damp Nike jockstrap in silence.

I felt crushed and compressed. I tried to move, to liberate myself from the heavy invisible walls constricting me but using all my strength I could only barely shake my powerless form. I had the bizarre thought that maybe those weren't walls, but my own body spontaneously compressing.

But how would that possibly happen? I had heard about bodies spontaneously catching fire according to some dubious YouTube videos, but not bodies spontaneously deciding to compress themselves.

I don't know for how long I was trapped there alone in that damp cottony darkness that worryingly enough smelled of my own drying cum, but it felt like an eternity to me. 

But the next thing I knew I began to hear footsteps approaching my pitiful self and I wasn't sure if I should've been feeling relieved or even more scared, because whoever was there was either going to become my savior or my tormentor.

I felt a cold appendage meticulously collecting my helpless self from the floor and the precise moment the cotton veil that was my dirty jockstrap removed I saw it.

It wasn't human! A hideous horrific monster taken straight out of a horror sci-fi film was in front of me, one of its appendages holding the smelly pink ball that had bounced all over the bathroom before and the other appendage was holding something I never had seen before, a small cube, a brick of compressed human flesh adorned with golden hairs, one with a pulsating butthole on it that seemed to be about to shit a brick with how scared it was. With huge disregard for my comfort I then felt constricted by the cold hand that was manipulating me and I let out a loud fart.

That's when I realized the flesh-colored cube on the monster's grasp was actually my reflection on the bathroom mirror.

CHAPTER 2

I was hard at work browsing through thousands of porn vids as I sat on my office chair trying to find anything interesting.

Of course such disgusting videos didn't arouse me at all. Scanning all these tasteless videos was just part of my line of work. I belonged to the Geometric Affairs department, and as a researcher of Earth's (geo) statistics (metrics) my job included processing loads and loads of important data concerning this recently discovered planet.

That included their porn vids.

But all the videos I found were useless garbage. Most of them involved the males of the human species sticking their pissing apparatus on the pissing hole of the females. What was this weird fetish? Humans were so weird.

I kept eating my dinner, sipping it from a straw that I connected to my primary facial hole. I hated working overtime.

"Ovalus, today's your lucky day!" My boss told me as he wrapped his arm around my shoulder, overly friendly as always. I could see his perverted eyes ogling my belly hole as he did... Sigh... I hated working in an office with a strict nudist policy. I couldn't wait to get home, get dressed in formal wear and relax with my most privates covered. "Our investors are very interested in that planet your division is researching, what was it called, Dirt? Mud?"

"It's called Earth."

"Yeah, that thing. Did you find any samples of their reproductive videos yet?"

I looked at my computer screen, currently featuring a human female's face being sandwiched between two gigantic male pissing apparatuses.

"Not yet."

"Let me know when you find them. Who knows, they could even be hot to watch! Haha!" He oh-so-casually scratched the side of his exposed gray-skinned belly, his big belly hole practically rubbing against my face. Pervert. "Anyway, our investors really want to find out if those 'hu-men' are such a good source of energy as you claimed."

"I didn't claim they were a good source." I explained. "I just hinted that if we were successful in finding a fertile pair of them to breed them, and then after three or four genetically-modified generations of offspring there would be a low possibility that-"

"Perfect! I want them powering all the lightbulbs of this office building by tomorrow. That would be very good PR for the company... Do it or you're fired."

"Huh?!"

"Just kidding! I'd just close down your division and demote you. You're too handsome to be let go that easily!" He laughed, his sweaty belly jumping as he did.

"Gee, thanks..."

My chunky boss got his indecently oversized belly out of my office and I was left there, feeling dismayed and defeated. To make things worse, my meal had gotten cold. "This sucks way too hard." I said under my breath.

But I wouldn't let the research of my whole division go to waste. I just had to speed up the whole process.

Hacking inside the databases of Earth's internet service providers was a piece of cake. The problem was searching through all the garbage the humans uploaded to their supposedly encrypted cloud storage day after day.

I began to enter a new search query using my voice. "Videos taken during this last minute containing humans shaking their..." I blushed. I couldn't believe what I was gonna say out loud. "...Belly holes." I whispered ashamed of myself.

The computer spewed out a really long list of filenames. I didn't have time to open all those files so I couldn't be very picky. I decided to watch the most recent video.

What I saw was... Wow. It was a close up of a male human exposing his very big belly. It was much bigger than my boss', not to mention his belly hole was covered by a big patch of unruly human hair. It looked so deep and ripe for the taking! And the guy seemed to know what he was packing, because he wouldn't stop belly dancing at the camera. He was singing what had to be human mating cries with an angelic voice.

Holy shit! I had hit the jackpot with this one. This was the most raw example of a human mating ritual I had ever seen captured in the wild! The human recording this from the other side of the camera must have been completely captivated with this hot stud. And who would blame it, if a guy did such a daring erotic act in front of me I'd completely fall in love with-

...Hold on, this footage was just research. I couldn't let myself get carried away by porn, much less by a *human* porn vid!

I'm completely choosing this human for the project, though.

Without even watching the video to the end I copied it into my work folder (and to my personal folder for my enjoyment later, hehe) and analyzed its metadata. The video was geotagged, so finding the human's exact location was extremely simple. I just had to load up the coordinates into the teleporter and extract the subject.

Oh, and to make things easier I could even Re-Geometrize him remotely. I just had to teleport a G-bullet before I went myself so the target would be transformed and ready to go when I got there, and that's what I did.

However, when I teleported myself to Earth I didn't just find the re-geometrized subject lying helplessly on the floor like I expected... I had completely forgotten about the other human, the one who had recorded the video and most probably the target's lover. He was currently distracted making the target bounce all over the foul-smelling room.

What a big annoyance. Luckily I had brought a spare Re-Geometrizer gun so I just shooted at this inconvenient setback from my hiding spot.

I collected my intended target which had been reduced to a completely round and bouncy shape. The ball of compressed human meat somehow looked even grassier and fatter measuring just seven universal units of diameter.

How much of it was pure body fat? Such a perfect spherical shape it was! Not surprising considering how genetically superior to the other humans it was.

I'd really miss its belly hole. But I could only leave one hole, and using their belly hole as the input socket would be too inhumane even for a researcher like me. That was why my Re-Geometrizer gun was configured to leave them with the most insensitive hole of all known species: their butt hole.

I mean, can you even consider butt holes to be... holes? They're just an evolutionary vestige that serves absolutely no purpose whatsoever. Even our completely insensitive and limp pissing apparatuses can dispel waste, making it more useful than that pseudohole!

I looked at the other pile of discarded human clothing. I had no reason to pick up his significant other. Re-Geometrized subjects can't ever be turned back, which was only obvious considering all their unneeded extra mass that was instantly disintegrated on the spot. So what would I do with this unexpected third wheel? As much as I'd rather just leave it to its fate and look for a genetically-superior mate instead, I couldn't be picky with the little time my boss had granted me. And so, reluctantly, I picked the second lump of flesh. Unlike the perfect specimen from before, this unfit and unsexy human had been turned into a hard and rigid cube. Such a despicable and ugly thing...

CHAPTER 3

The monster was horrifying.

He looked like he had been taken straight from a horror sci-fi film. His eyes were oval-shaped, big and deep black. His skin was an otherworldly shade of gray and full of little bumps. Thin, elongated limbs with a very visible skeletal structure. His movements were slow and methodical, making him look like a scary yet intelligent life form.

I assume he's a *"he"* because a big smelly penis swayed between his legs when he walked, but how the hell would I know for sure? It was the first time I saw an alien.

He was eerily tall, the top of his head almost reaching the ceiling. And from my new perspective as a little cube of naked meat he was holding in his hand with cold boney fingers, he was a fucking giant.

I could tell he despised me. His black eyes were filled with hatred as he looked at me all over.

I looked at the hairy pink ball on his other hand. Oh god, that had to be John from IT! This terrible monster had reduced us both to pathetic geometric shapes on his hands. I wanted to scream for help or even ask John from IT what was about to happen to us but we were just this alien's silent playthings.

The alien squeezed me with force, causing my anus to loudly relieve a bit of air. That hurt like hell! And why did I have the sensation that he didn't squeeze John from IT nearly as hard as me? That fatso had always been a big ball of fat, but I had no reason to become a completely blank featureless cube with only a butthole and some of my blond body hair for show... I mean, when I looked at the mirror I didn't even see any eyes, how was I not blind? I could still see, smell and hear, did my senses become compressed into my cubical form as well? I'd get a headache thinking about it if I still had a head!

Our surroundings suddenly changed, the bathroom being replaced by a laboratory filled with otherworldly machinery. Had we been beamed into the alien's UFO? Or worse, had we been teleported into his home planet, light years away from home? So much weird stuff was going on so rapidly it was hard for me to process everything. Where the fuck we were?

CHAPTER 4

We were back in my lab. Phew, thank goodness, that planet reeked like a locker room. Although all I had visited in it was a bathroom so that was to be expected I suppose.

I got started right away. I already had a prototype of a miniature power plant working and ready to go. If my theory was correct, we could eventually deploy these generators at a much bigger scale. The only thing missing was... Well, the power source itself! I looked down at my transformed humans.

The ball was perfect. Bouncy and squishy in my hand. I couldn't have chosen a better guinea pig! Its hairy hole wouldn't stop greeting me with healthy-sounding farts, even! Humans can be really interesting.

The cube, though... It was too bulky and rigid. I teased its hole with my finger and it was too tight. I don't think it would make a good fit. But I'd give it a chance at the very least. Who knows, maybe it'd surprise me.

My pocket-sized power plant had what looked like two giant antennas that weren't really antennas but power input sockets. The output was connected to a lightbulb. I just had to plug the humans on top of the input antennas to suck the electricity out of them and, with a bit of luck, the lightbulb would light up thus making my experiment a success.

I flicked a switch and the generator started whirring. Let's see how much juice we can obtain from these two!

I started with the ball. I stuck the antenna up its hairy hole and it slided nicely. It fit like a glove! No matter how much the generator vibrated, the ball took all of it. I wondered if this human had a lot of previous practice sticking things up his butthole. He most probably exercised it like a good athlete. The ball got a little red and sweaty and I wondered if humans had any sensitivity on their anuses. If they did have even just a little then this experiment would be making me a monster... Nah, that's just silly. They were just vestigial holes.

A green LED turned on, indicating a valid power source. The lightbulb didn't turn on but that was to be expected. It wouldn't work with just one power input.

I grabbed the cube and inserting it into the antenna was an herculean task. Its butthole clenched, rejecting any outside intruders. I had to use a lot of spit to lubricate this insolent thing for it to finally take the vibrating antenna up its anal tract.

And as I feared, the LED turned red, indicating an invalid power source.

The cube's anus was so stubborn that it slided off the antenna and the unworthy human fell down to the floor.

I sighed.

This was useless. This pathetic square just wasn't a good fit. I'd better search for a more suitable human. Back to my computer to-

Suddenly the door to my lab opened and in came my boss.

"Ovalus! Have you got the generator up and running? One of the investors wants immediate results! This can't wait until tomorrow!"

"Ah! Uh, well, it's practically ready!" I lied. "I just need a few more minutes to tune it up!"

"I knew I could count on you, stud!" My boss said before getting his obscene belly out of my sight.

Fuck. Why did I lie? It was impossible to find a replacement human in such a short time. Unless...

I looked at the pathetic cube on the floor. Maybe I can break it in? It wouldn't take more than a minute using *THAT*...

CHAPTER 5

Oh god, I don't want to ride up that weird antenna thingy ever again! My poor hole! Even my cubical body falling against the floor felt better than that!

When the much more overweight alien came into the room, my captor and him conversed in a very strange language. What had they said? I guess I'd never know.

My captor collected me from the floor. I'd rather stay lost and forgotten down here, thank you very much. But my captor seemed to have other plans for me. He placed me on a cold metallic table and took out something from a drawer. It looked like some sort of medical device. Some sort of thick tube connected to a small computer of some sort. Oh fuck, don't tell me that he's planning to plug that tube up my hole! The vibrator thingy had been bad enough and who knows what this thingy does!

My alien tormentor however wouldn't hear my plights for mercy. He inserted the tube up my rectum without a care.

The tube didn't vibrate or anything for the moment. But I wouldn't get my hopes up that this was all there was to it.

He inputted a command in the small computer of this contraption and then left me alone as he did other trivial things around the room.

I didn't feel anything weird. For now. Just a tiny nagging feeling in the back of my mind. As if a tiny needle was digging deep inside...

I felt my body a bit full. Was the tube filling me with air? Was I to inflate until bursting like a balloon? Maybe that'd be the better option. I'd rather burst out in a million pieces than to keep fearing what the hell would happen to-

Suddenly a gust of wind clouded my senses. What was this? This tiny nagging feeling was crawling all over my mind, searching for something. I wonder, what was it looking for... Something deep inside me?

"Ding!" The computer next to me chimed a cheerful sound, as if it was happy that it found what it was looking for.

And then the needle ripped me apart from the inside out.

An excruciating pain, my consciousness being dissolved into nothing.

And then I was no longer there.

CHAPTER 6

I woke up in a colorful room.

I felt so relieved and happy. It had been just a vivid nightmare. The incident with John from IT in the bathroom, the scary alien, the insides of that otherworldly lab... And most importantly, being reduced to such a primitive and helpless shape... All of it had been just a very bad dream.

I groggily tried to get up. My whole body hurt like hell, did I fall asleep on the floor? That would explain such a strange nightmare indeed.

The room was brightly lit and was decorated with very colorful patterns... Wait, this wasn't my bedroom! Where was I? I retraced my thoughts but I couldn't remember where I had been yesterday. In fact there was a huge foggy gap in my memories. Had I gotten drunk or something? I had never seen this room before in my life... Wait, hold on, it's very familiar to me somehow... I had a very faint memory of it...

I looked at the whole room. Something about the proportions of the room were very off. It was like a room made for giants. I looked around and saw... What were these colorful shapes...? Toys?

I was surrounded by toys. They were cheap plastic toys shaped like geometrical shapes, basic primitives. I was instantly reminded of my nightmare involving John from IT and me being turned into a sphere and a cube. It couldn't possibly be, but...

I realized I couldn't actually get up from the floor no matter how I tried. The floor was cold on my bare surface. My compressed cubical form started to sweat with dread. I wanted to scream, but I only possessed one hole, my exposed anus...

A bell rang. Where did I hear such a bell before? I hadn't heard it in a lot of years...

I heard steps and the moment I saw who these footsteps belonged to I just wanted to die. It was the alien that had transformed me. His gigantic body approached my pitifully tiny form. He was still naked, his big cock swaying from side to side as he walked. He was as menacing as ever.

Except... On top of his head, he was wearing a colorful beanie hat.

It was such a silly hat. The most natural reaction would have been to laugh at such an absurd and out of place accessory. Yet, I was shocked. That beanie hat was very familiar to me. It was the thing *he* wore...

And to my surprise, the alien spoke in my own language. 

"Yay, it's playtime."

The cheerful words he was uttering contrasted greatly with the masculine deepness of his voice. He was like a very bad actor interpreting a role. But which role...?

"Teacher says I'm the smartest in my class... Unlike that loser, Mike." His voice was monotone and soulless, as if he was reading a script.

The alien sat down near me, crossing his legs. He grabbed one of my primitively shaped companions, a green star, and placed it on a star-shaped hole in a wooden panel full of similar cutouts.

The green star fit the cutout perfectly. The alien seemed satisfied, feeling pride at being able to solve it.

Then the alien grabbed the next shape that corresponded to the next cutout: me.

He prodded my naked form with force. "Oh my. This one's getting fatter every day." He then proceeded to put me inside the square cutout. But...

"No. No. No. This doesn't fit." The alien coldly said as he tried to squeeze me into the hole. It was futile, the hole was way smaller than I was. As much as he tried to brute force me inside, he only managed to make my flesh cube of a body feel pain.

"Why won't you fit." His monotone voice said. His attempts became more aggressive. His body with swift and robotic movements proceeded to bang my compressed body against the wooden toy. "Why. Won't. You fit." I was being stomped against the hard surface. The hitting became more severe, marking my small body with bruises. "You don't fit. You don't belong."

Please, stop...!

"I'm going to report you to teacher. You're defective." Said my beanie hat-clad tormentor.

I'm... I'm not defective, it's just too hard to fit in anywhere when you're big and wide like me!

He stood up and went over to the teacher's desk. A copy of the alien appeared on the teacher's seat, but this one wore a tie instead of a beanie hat. "Teacher, Mike is defective. He just won't fit in."

It's... It's not my fault that I am out of shape! And he was hitting me! Surely he's the problem!

The alien acting like a teacher glanced at me with distaste. "Mike, Mike, Mike..." He monotonically said. "Why are you so troublesome? Why won't you just try better at fitting in? You're so out of shape. Any of this wouldn't have happened in the first place if you didn't eat so many sweets."

Suddenly the room was filled with a near infinite amount of copies of the beanie-hat alien. "Ha. Ha. Ha." They robotically laughed and pointed at my pathetically out of shape form. "Mike is fat. Mike is fat." They chanted. "He's so fat nobody wants him. Even teacher agrees. It's his own fault."

That... that was no longer true! I worked hard for years to become fit! As long as I stay in shape, I'll be loved and popular! This can't possibly be happening... again!

I was passed along. One after another, the tall aliens touched and prodded my helpless self. Some of them used me to scratch their butts, others attempted to twist and rearrange my cubical form as if I were a defective Rubik cube , most of them used their gargantuan cocks to try and break apart my exposed asshole.

I'm sorry I mocked John from IT and all those fat people, I was just being insecure! I was scared of my own past!

"I know a place where they make troublemakers like you get fit. Don't call it a fat camp. It's much better than that." Teacher said as he nonchalantly sharpened his pencil with a sharpening machine that made a sound like a saw.

No! You lie! I can find a place I can fit in! I don't want to go to such a place ever again! Please, no! Anywhere but there...!

Teacher was next to grab me. He placed me on top of the machine and pressed down on my form. The automatic pencil sharpener took out its blades, ready to carve off the excess mass of my undesirable body. If I could've pissed myself I'd have done just that.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!

CHAPTER 7

"Ding!"

Ah, good. That sound meant that the Brainwasher had found a weak spot in the cube's mind. That would loosen up its hole a tiny bit. I walked over to the cube, which was now very sweaty with fear. I fingered its hole, but it still seemed a little bit too tight. Maybe a few more cycles would be enough.

One hundred, for example.

Oh, but that would take at least 10 minutes. I know, I'll just set the Brainwasher for five hundred cycles at ten times the speed. It's not the most eco-friendly setting, but this wasn't time to be picky, my job was on the line after all!

I inserted the command. It should have finished rendering the cube's mind into a useless pulp by the time I'm done playing a few games of Sweetener Stomp Legend on my phone.

CHAPTER 6 (2ND CYCLE)

I woke up in a colorful room.

All of it... had been just a very bad dream.

A bell rang.

It was the alien...

"Yay, it's playtime."

He prodded my naked form with force.

The hitting became more severe, leaving me with bruises.

Please stop! It's not my fault I can't fit in!

"Ha. Ha. Ha. Nobody wants him." All of them chanted.

This can't possibly be happening... again!

Teacher pressed my body down, the sharpener blades ready to carve me out.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

CHAPTER 6 (49TH CYCLE)

I woke up. 

A bell rang.

I was hit.

Nobody wants me. 

The blades carved me out.

NOOOOOOOOO!!!

CHAPTER 6 (284TH CYCLE)

I woke up.

Nobody wants a defective cube.

The blades carved out my excess mass.

I was thankful.

CHAPTER 6 (445TH CYCLE)

Nobody wants a defective cube.

Must become perfect cube.

CHAPTER 6 (500TH CYCLE)

Me perfect cube. Me perfect cube. Me perfect cube. Me perfect cube...

CHAPTER 8

I had run out of energy in my mobile game, and I wasn't about to pay premium currency for boosters... Wait, was what I was supposed to be doing? Oh right, I had to disconnect the cube from the Brainwasher.

The cube was no longer shivering or sweating. I unplugged the tube and wow, the cube's hole was so loose my pissing apparatus would fit inside! I was genuinely impressed!

But that wasn't what mattered at the moment. All of this was for naught if I couldn't light up the damn lightbulb.

I inserted the cube's loosened hole on the input antenna and...

...Not only did the LED turn green, the lightbulb exploded thanks to the energy scourge! An astounding success! I felt so euphoric that my bellyhole was leaking preseminal dust balls!

But I won't bore with the details of my celebratory wank. Anyhow, later that day I was able to show my prototype to the investors.

"Very impressive, indeed. And you can power the entire building with just two of them?"

"That's right! In fact I think we can power up the whole neighborhood with just this set. Humans are certainly a much richer source of energy than we expected." I spoke as I held the mic at the press conference. "And thanks to our Re-Geometrizer technology humans can become compact and portable energy sources that greatly exceed their original life expectancy and barely need sustenance."

"How many humans would you need to power up the whole planet?"

My boss chimed in for this question. "We're still in early stages to be able to offer an exact number, but there's at the very least seven billion humans on Earth available for harvest. That's more than enough to sustain our planet for decades to come and we're hoping to expand our business interplanetarily in the coming years. We're also researching ways to breed humans on farms for when Earth eventually runs out of them."

"Mr. Ovalus, you're the genius chief researcher at Geometric Affairs, right? First question, are you single?" The investor joked and everyone at the investor meeting laughed.

I blushed. I'd better get used to this, because I was about to become much more popular and successful! And to think it all began with a measly ball and a cube...

"Second question." The investor turned more serious. "How exactly do those humans generate so much power?"

"Oh, that's simple enough! As I mentioned, sets of two are needed. That's because a specific spark is all it takes." I winked my oval-shaped eye at him.

My interviewer looked perplexed. "And what kind of spark is that?"

CHAPTER 9

I couldn't believe what I had just gone through. Becoming a freaking farting ball, the alien showing up, teleported to a strange lab, having a vibrating rod inserted up my asshole... It was too much! But funnily enough, the worst part of my day was when Mike had filmed my fat body and laughed at my shame.

I had always loved Mike in secret. But having him teasing me and humiliating me had broken my heart.

It was funny, wasn't it? I had been reduced to just a ball with a vibrating dildo up my asshole yet I couldn't stop thinking about Mike.

I got so scared when the alien grabbed him and forced that strange contraption on him. We couldn't talk and we didn't even have facial expressions but that little tanned cube seemed to be undergoing so much anguish when the machine began purring.

When that was over and the alien put Mike on the rod next to me, I felt strangely relieved. I was just glad Mike was by my side again, even though we couldn't communicate.

The vibrating rods up our anuses sucked up our energy, or maybe it was using us to generate new energy out of nothing, it was very confusing to me.

We were in a hopeless situation yet my wish was to be able to talk to Mike again.

"...Perfect cube."

I was shocked, it was Mike's voice! But it sounded hollow and lifeless...

"Mike? Please talk to me! It's me, John!"

I stared worryingly at the cube next to me. I couldn't figure out why for the life of me, but I could see Mike's face once again.

Maybe it was just a mental image but I could only thank God that I was able to see Mike's beautiful face again, even if it was unfortunately placed upside down in his squashed cubical self. But his facial expression was lifeless. He looked like a cubical husk of his own self.

"Who's Mike? Me cube... Me *perfect* cube."

"No, Mike! You're not a cube! You can't succumb to being a cube!" I pleaded

"Ball is noisy. Me cube."

Oh, shit no, Mike's mind was completely broken!

"I'm John! Your coworker! I'm not just a ball, I'm a person, just like you! We're human beings!"

"Ball's being silly. Me cube."

I looked like a ball, but in my mental projection my eyes were becoming watery.

"You're the confident and cocky Mike! You're always acting like you're a big shot, even though I can sense that deep down you're scared!"

"Me not scared. I'm cube."

"I can tell you always try your hardest to look confident. Acting like you've always had a perfect body but that's not true, isn't it?"

"I'm perfect cube. I've always been a perfect cube."

I grew desperate. "If you were so perfect you wouldn't constantly body shame me!"

"I'm perfect. We're perfect geometric shapes. Our purpose is to produce power. I don't care about appearances."

"Of course you care! You have muscles, you are sexy!"

"We're just building blocks to serve a greater purpose. We're primitive shapes without personal features. We fit our roles perfectly."

"Well... That's just a lie! Because, because..." I traced back my memories. Surely there had to be a way to bring Mike back. I didn't care how thoroughly he had been brainwashed. There had to be a big reason he wasn't the perfect cube he believed himself to be...!

"Because... You mocked the size of my micropenis this very morning! A perfect cube that obeys these ugly aliens to the letter wouldn't do something so mean! You may look like a cubical mess right now but you're the most imperfect human I know! You're a silly, dumb, mean person and that's... That's why... I love you Mike!"

"Hah." Mike scoffed. "You're damn silly, I always suspected you were gay, with a tiny cock like that you must be a bottom... Huh?! Wait a minute, John from IT?!"

Yes! He remembered me! I felt a great wave of happiness overflowing within me.

"Did my love confession cure you?" I said with tears of relief in my eyes

"What are you talking about? Everything was hazy, but then I remembered how ridiculous your cocklet is. It was so hilarious, I just had to laugh!"

...Well, as long as he was back, I'd be happy.

"I think I remember now... We were turned into a cube and a ball and... Uh, weird, I can see you. Not like a featureless ball but like a person... Just very round... Haha. You're naked with your tiny dick out... Wait, and what are these vibrating things up our asses?!"

"I'm not sure but I think it's helping us have some sort of mental connection, therefore making us able to see each other as we really are and communicate inside a projection of our own shared space. I think that's what generates energy for this machine somehow. It's like the communication between us is generating some kind of... spark."

"Spark? Gross. I don't like to get emotionally attached, no matter how thoroughly they tear apart my butthole. What can we do? How do we get out of here?"

"It may be impossible in our trapped states..."

"Oh, shit..."

We stayed silent. It filled us with dread to think about what these aliens would do to the rest of humanity... And to us.

We remained motionless and silent as the rods up our assholes vibrated with no sign of ever stopping.

...

"Hey, Mike."

"Yes, John?"

"Do you feel like talking for a bit?"

Mike rolled his eyes. "Well... Fine, I guess. It's not like I can just get up and leave. What do you want to talk about?"

"How about you tell me why you always try so hard to fit in with the popular crowd?"

"That's... Uh... None of your business." Mike's cubical form tensed up defensively.

"Oh, so you don't deny it?" My soft balled up body tried to reach out to him.

Mike sighed. "I just wanted some place to belong, ok? I want to mingle with winners, not with balls of lard like you... Err, no offense."

"And why are you so judgemental with other people's shapes?"

"It's easy for you to accuse me of that, being a fat ball of a nerd you can roll through any obstacle without a care, but fit people like me need to have the perfect body in order to fit in..."

"But... You already have a rock-solid athletic body!"

"But it's never enough. I have to work hard to catch up to the other fit squares or I'll be squeezed out from society! And if that happens, I'll be a loser, just like... Back then... When... When I..."

Mike was... About to cry? I couldn't believe what my ball self was perceiving.

"What is it Mike? What happened back then?"

"...I was deemed unfit and sent to a fat camp."

"Oh... I think I'm starting to understand everything now..."

I could sense the tears falling down Mike's eyes.

"Don't worry. Let's just take it slow and easy, ok? Let's open up little by little. We have all the time of the rest of our lives at our disposal."

This would only become the first of many long and intimate conversations with my life-long crush. Over time, our conversations grew much more intense and passionate. Some days we roleplayed that we were still full fledged human beings. We learned to create our own little imaginary worlds where we could do and be anything. We had very romantic mental dates. It's surprising how much two minds connected by a vibrator can accomplish!

I could tell our alien captors seemed satisfied with the great amount of love energy we orgasmed out through our buttholes.

Over the years I had the nagging feeling that the entirety of humanity could have been saved if Mike and I had not fallen in love. Maybe the aliens would have canceled the harvesting project and not turned all human beings into all sorts of geometrical shapes of all colors and sizes to power their home appliances.

But then I look at my beloved cube stuck beside me and I think to myself... 

...Dang, it sure was worth it!

[grrside]

A Spell Gone Awry (Male to Donkey TF & Male to Donkey Cock Transformation)

A cocky wizard tries to show off his magic powers by turning a guy into a majestic horse. However it doesn't go quite as planned...

A Spell Gone Awry

-a grrside story-

The very moment Harry walked into my living room his mouth fell agape in wonder. He was mesmerized by all the magic artifacts and small trinkets I had put up on my walls. While he wasn’t looking my own mouth salivated as I delighted myself in the sight of the young man’s figure.

He was pudgy, just as I liked my men. His clothing hugged his chubby frame tightly as he moved around the room examining every mystic ornament thoroughly. His blond hair was short yet messy and his cute face was very charming.

I had met this fatty boy recently. He seemed very interested in magic and his eyes had shone bright when I had told him I was a sorcerer. He had practically begged me to let him come for a visit and how could I say no to such a cutie?

My obese visitor was enthusiastic about all the mystical paraphernalia he had never seen before. “Is that a genuine magic wand?” He asked, pointing to what was exhibited on top of a cabinet.

“Actually a baton. And these things are not such a big deal. They’re only as powerful as the wizard who uses them.”

“Wooo!” Harry looked at me like I was the most fascinating man he had ever met. This must've been his first time seeing an actual sorcerer.

 “And what’s inside this thing...?” He said when he opened the doors to the cabinet and a set of mysterious jars full of liquid that glowed in the dark were revealed to him.

“Ahh, don’t touch those, they’re...”

“Magic potions?” Harry’s eyes widened.

“No, just some samples of animal semen I’ve collected. If you open them, the spell keeping them frozen will dissipate.”

“Ewww!” Grossed out, he closed the doors of the cabinet as fast as he could. “Why would anyone collect something like that?!”

“All kinds of animal semen are used as ingredients to make magic potions. Ask any potion maker, they’ll agree.”

“Right...” Harry didn’t seem to fully believe me but he let it slide.

“So...” He blushed as he said this, as if he were about touch on an extremely taboo subject. “What kind of... spells... do you use?”

“Oh, all kinds, but my favorite branch of magic is definitely transmutation.”

Harry gasped audibly. “That’s amazing! Ohh, I’ve always dreamt of seeing that! Do you think you can show me a transformation? Into an animal, maybe? Just a quick one! Please!” His eagerness was overwhelming yet very contagious. He seemed to have waited for a chance at this for a very long time.

“Sure. I’m always up for a transformation or two.” I smiled.  “Oh, by the way, mind if I use you as the target?” When I added this last question the excitement on the boy’s face got so extreme I thought he was gonna collapse due to happiness overload.

We decided to get to it that same day. I drove him all the way through a vast field until a farm came into view. At this point in time the sun was already setting.

“Umm... Are you sure nobody’s going to see us?” Harry asked me as I parked the car.

I nodded my head. “Don’t worry, I don’t think anybody’s going to visit such a remote farm this late. Besides, an acquaintance of mine operates this farm and he doesn’t mind when I come by to perform magical experiments.”

“Oh!” Harry smiled. “So is that friend of yours a wizard, too?”

“On paper, yes he is. But, nah... Scott’s nowhere near my level... He wouldn’t know how to transform a measly frog into a fly even if his life depended on it.”

Harry giggled.

“What’s so funny?”

“Nothing. You just make him sound like he’s your rival.”

Now it was my turn to laugh. Scott, my rival? That would imply he’s half competent at magic which would be a big joke.

We got both of our fat asses out of the car, the vehicle making a hissing noise as if feeling relieved from all that heavy weight.

“The pigsty is the other way, boy.” I told him with a smirk.

“Uh? Why the pigsty?”

“It’ll be your new home once I turn you into a big fat pig. Well, you’re already well-served in the “big” and “fat” department...”

Harry blushed bright red. “That’d be too mean! I don’t wanna be a pig!” He shouted. “...Not on my first transformation, at least...” He added under his breath.

Oh, so he was one of those guys who wanted to make their first time special. I wouldn't judge him for that, but if he thought I was going to transmute that delicious body of his only once he was very, very wrong, hehe.

“So what’s it gonna be then?”

“I’ve... always wished I could turn into a horse! A stallion! With a big... you-know-what.”

So his fantasy was to be a horse with a big wiener. A bit typical, but it’d do. We headed to the entrance to the stables.

“I want to trot all over the field! Free as the wind!” He said dreamily.

“Good luck running around so carefree with a gigantic erection between your horse legs.”

“Eek!” Harry shrieked with embarrassment. “... Damn, now I’m already hard...” Harry’s cheeks went red. “Talking about long sticks, are you gonna use your baton?”

“I can do this bare-handed, actually. The baton is basically just an amplifier.”

“Aww, but I want my first time to be with a wizard pointing his intimidating magic baton at me!”

Geesh, he was a capricious one. I excused myself for a moment to go retrieve the emergency baton I always carried  in the car trunk. When I came back to Harry it was already nighttime.

I flashed my baton at him.

“It’s so big!” He said, his mouth agape. He’d better react the same way when it comes to flashing him my penis.

“Anyway, you can get started stripping down while I turn on this old thing.” I wiggled my rarely-used baton until life came back into it. A big splurt of turquoise came out from its tip, which signaled it was ready for action.

However, Harry was just standing there very still.

“Do I really have to strip?” Harry asked timidly.

“If you value the clothes on you, yes. You can’t turn into a big fucking stallion clothed. You’ll rip your clothes apart.”

“Crap, I kinda hoped clothes would disappear with a poof like in cartoons until they are needed again but now that I say it out loud yeah, that would be very unrealistic.”

Harry began to strip. He unbuttoned his shirt and removed it revealing a big belly and moobs. His hairy torso looked so yummy... Oh? What was that? He had been wearing a very weird looking necklace under his shirt all this time.

“Do I have to remove my necklace, too? It’s a family heirloom and I would die if I were to lose it.”

“It doesn’t look like it’s gonna snap off, at least.” I came closer to him and touched his necklace “It isn’t a magical amulet, right?”

“Of course not. My family is extremely anti-magic. Why do you ask?”

Oh, so his family was like that. That explained why he was so little versed in magic and found it so amazing.

“If it were a charm it could interfere with the spell or the caster, but yeah, it would be really ironic for an anti-magic family to hand you down a magic amulet.” I laughed at that idea.

“Yeah... and... Why are you caressing my nipples that way?” Harry asked when he felt my fingers on those pointy things.

“Checking your magical spectrum. It’s easier to check in erogenous zones like these.” I squeezed them even harder.

“Oh, interesting.”

“Kidding. I’m just feeling you up.”

Harry rolled his eyes.

His shoes and trousers came down next. He hesitated a bit but he removed his underwear in a quick swift movement and cupped his genitals with both hands.

“No point in hiding those, they’ll become big horse balls when I’m finished with you.” I couldn’t help circling around him and examining his plump hips as I talked.

I picked up his clothes, made a ball out of them and threw them into a garbage bin. Harry complained but I assured him the garbage bin was empty and that we’d collect them later.

Harry felt a little bit self-conscious and silly standing there nude in the middle of the night but the moment I pointed my hard baton at him he had a difficult time hiding his erection.

Dang, he was bigger than me in that department and I hadn’t even started casting any cock- enlarging magic yet. This guy really was a handsome bunch of flesh. I couldn’t wait to shift and contort his shape to my liking.

“Here it goes, too late to back down now!” I cried out and my baton shot a big beam of turquoise magic at the young naked man.

Harry felt ecstasy when he felt a tail sprouting out from his big buttocks. He took the new body part in his hand, incredulous. “Oh my god, I have a tail! A tail!”

I felt ecstasy too as he finally stopped cupping his genitals in shame and I could see every inch of his body exposed and ready for me to manipulate as I pleased. The next change was his head, his ears becoming pointy and his face becoming more equine.

“Oh fuck this feels amazing! I’m really changing! I’m gonna be a horse! This is a dream come true...!”

Harry was having the time of his life. And then...

*CRACK!*

Harry’s necklace cracked open and fell into pieces. Which was certainly strange. I wasn’t directing my magic at it. Harry was so entranced with his transformation that he didn’t notice it. Or maybe he just didn’t care about pesky human possessions anymore.

“Yes! I want to be more horse!”

Harry’s torso became longer and his arms and legs started changing into equine legs. But something was going wrong, it was like my magic wasn’t obeying me anymore. Something was fishy and I didn’t like it.

“Harry! I’m losing control! We should stop!”

“No, I want to go full horse! I want a stallion cock to fuck mares! I want to... Neigh... Neighhh....!” His throat was changing, reforming into one of a beastly animal.

“Neiiiighh...Hee...Hee... Haww!! Hee Haww!!!”

What the fuck? That sounded more like the bray of a jackass than a horse. I tried to stop my magic but it was futile, it wouldn’t stop flowing. And worst of all, I was feeling a pull... The spell itself was pulling me, its own caster, into Harry!

“HeeHaww? HeeHAAAAAAAWWWW!” Harry was braying like the donkey he was becoming.

“Harry, bad news! I cried out. “I think your necklace is a protective charm! It’s taking control of my spell and twisting it in a horrible way! You’re not turning into a horse, you’re turning into a lower animal, a donkey!”

“HEEHAAWWW?!!!!”

“Yes, your charm weakened my intended spell and it’s also trying to punish me for casting it, I’m still not sure how, but I imagine it’s not going to be pretty!”

“But there’s a way to stop this!” I screamed as I was pushed into Harry. “You just have to supress your animalistic side, which means...!” The spell forced me into Harry’s torso, making us look like we were hugging each other.  “...Which means that you need to lose your erection!”

“HEE...HAWW?!”

“Yes, just think the following sentences inside your head, Harry! Repeat after me... I don’t want to be an animal, I want to be a decent human being, I want to be clothed... Most importantly, I don’t want to be a dumb beast of burden with a disgusting cock exposed for everyone to see forever and ever!”

“HEEEE....HAWWW!!!”

...It seemed that my words were just getting Harry hornier for some reason. I could tell because his rock hard cock was piercing my belly. Well, it wasn’t my fault he was a pervert. If he liked it so much then good for him, but I didn’t want to be dragged into any weird mess. I turned around and tried to escape but I stopped in my tracks when I felt a sudden blow of fresh air and saw confetti dancing all around me.

Oh wait, it wasn’t confetti. My magic had shredded all of my clothes in an instant. Unlike in Harry’s cheerful imagination full of clothes that conveniently disappear and reappear before and after a transformation, my clothes were gone forever. I’d better watch out for the pieces of confetti that used to be my seldom-washed underwear.

I was frozen with fear because when my magic gets rid of someone’s clothes it meant it wanted to transform its target. I tried to take a step forward but my magic pulled me towards Harry again, this time squishing my naked fat butt against his groin.

“HEEE HAAAWWWW!!!” Harry brayed with pleasure, but I screamed with pain as I didn’t like anything going up my ass, much less an equine-sized dick. I tried to get free but his dick was keeping me stuck in place.

Harry felt pleasure like never before. He was gaining new sensations down below. He liked when I struggled but not just because of his dick in my ass. He felt a strangely intimate connection to me, even the slightest movement of the tip of my fingers gave him waves of pleasure. He was close to an orgasm.

I coughed, and when I did, extremely salty liquid came out from my mouth. Oh shit, I had a suspicion of where this was going.

“Harry! I know it’s hard to believe but I’m being transformed into your dick! Not only are you about to become a filthy animal, I’m going to be the most intimate and sensitive part of you! That’s right. I’m going to become part of your body. And that’s very bad, isn’t it? We’re gonna be merged into one body, and I’ll only be able to throb, piss and fuck! Because I’ll only be a cock! Doesn’t that sound horrible?”

“HAAAAAWWWW...!”

Great, I was just making him harder again. If he were to orgasm the transformation would be sealed and trying to convince him wasn’t working. Maybe I should be trying another approach... If I just had a meager tiny bit of magic left in me...

The transformation continued. My arms and legs were receding into my body while Harry’s limbs were full equine by now. The former boy was unable to keep standing up and he fell to all fours.

The spell was completely out of my control, but if I could canalize just the tiniest bit of the magic that remained in me... I was completely sure I had some left, I was too powerful of a wizard to have all my magic power drained by a stupid necklace... Surely I had enough to retain my humanity!

I looked down. I no longer had legs or arms. My butt was fused to Harry’s crotch. My skin color was changing, getting darker from my nether regions and up to my neck. What really made me gasp was seeing my cock and balls disappear, their sensitivity becoming one with my torso. I wiggled what remained of my armless body like a dancing snake and it felt kinda good... Oh shit, I was running out of time!

“Hawwww...” The donkey I was stuck into was uncontrollably braying. I couldn’t tell if it was in a show of pleasure, fear or maybe a mix of both. By now Harry looked like any other regular donkey. The only evidence he had ever been a greater being was the necklace with the broken charm hanging around his neck and the fact that the tip of his dick was my still intact human head.

I couldn’t give up just yet! I may have looked like a donkey dick from the neck down but as long as I could cast a final spell I’d be able to turn back to normal!  I could feel my neck stiffen up, my chin starting to turn an ugly dark donkey dick’s color. I quickly chanted a reversal spell which wasn’t easy with my lips constantly dripping donkey precum.

I felt them, the last remaining bits of the magic I had stored deep within me abandoning my whole self as I casted my spell. I wouldn’t be able to cast anything else for a few days but if that meant I wouldn’t be a mindless, blind, completely inert donkey’s body part then so be it.

And so, thanks to my quick thinking and my impressive magical powers, I was saved.

“Phew, thank the heavens I’m such a powerful wizard. I’m largely unchanged.” I said with pride.

“Haaww?” Harry looked down at me.

“What is it?” I asked the donkey as I twisted my shaft upwards and giggled. “Hehe, I know what you’re thinking. You’re jealous that I can still talk and you don’t. Well, that’s what being a lowly animal means.” I raised one of my low-hanging testicles and pointed at him accusingly. “I’ve been *this* close to being turned into your dick. An ugly and smelly donkey dick. Could you imagine how humiliating that would’ve been for me?” I spat some semen on the ground. “And all because of your stupid necklace interfering with my sublime spell. Well, you got what you wanted. Go ahead and run free.”

“Haw....” Harry seemed like he wanted to tell me something. But he was a donkey now, being able to communicate like a human being was a thing of the past for him. Hehehe, he had such a ridiculous face now. If only there was a mirror around for him to be able to see how disgustingly ugly he looked...!

“Anyway, I’m magically spent. I won’t be able to perform any magic for three days at the bare minimum. Hopefully you have no plans for tomorrow, because you’re stuck like this until then!” I laughed, making Harry feel pleasure in his loins with my guffaw. “Mmmm... Why do I feel so stiff...” I wondered out loud.

Harry rolled his eyes. He tentatively tried out his donkey legs. He took a few steps forward, and I was forcefully dragged along.

“Hey, what the...”

Harry saw a full watering hole in a corner of the farm. He headed towards it while I could do nothing but complain about being unceremoniously dragged along for the ride. The donkey looked at his reflection on the water. The moonlight was surprisingly bright that night and the little lamps placed around the farm gave him a clear vision of how animalistic he looked. Then, although it made him feel a bit silly, he placed his crotch beside the watering hole.

“Nah, I’m not drinking from that.” I turned and finally saw my reflection. “Wait... That’s...”

I looked like a completely regular donkey dick. Yes, my magic powers, the ones I felt so proud of, had been powerful enough to let me retain control of Harry’s peehole as if it were my own mouth. My eyes had shrunk, and my powers had also been sympathetic enough to let me have minuscule holes on my lame excuse of a “face” that functioned as my nostrils and ears. But apart from that...

“I’m... a donkey’s cock.” My pisslit was wide open in shock. I tried moving around. I could barely move the upper half of my body like a snake and faintly wiggle my testicles inside Harry’s ballsack as if they were useless feet. That was as far as my autonomy went. To make things worse my movements were apparently turning Harry on, and when the rush of blood came and my body stiffened it was even more difficult for me to move.

“Okay... Err... Everything’s under control...” I then remembered that I was out of magic juice for at least three days at the bare minimum. “Oh FUCK, I’m screwed!” 

I was utterly, royally screwed. My whole hunky self had been reduced to a stinky set of donkey genitals. How many times a day does a donkey go to the bathroom...? Better not to think about that.

“Ah... Look, Harry, looks we’re in some predicament here. I know you may be internally panicking, I know you may be drearing the next few days, I know you may want to scream but, but let’s calm down, okay?”

Actually, Harry seemed very serene. He couldn’t wait to experience everything a donkey body had to offer.

“Very well, as we’re about to share a body for a few days, we should make some rules... Rule number one, you should not stick your dick in weird places... Ahh!”

“HAWW!!!” Harry couldn’t help himself and began to trot. The cold air of the night brushed against his naked body and it felt very liberating. Sure, he had dreamed of doing this as a horse, but even as a ugly donkey he had never felt this free. He brayed happily.

The boy was living his dream. All the while I was stuck as a smelly hose dangling from below with no choice in the matter. My sensitive body was flopping around like crazy! I had to admit that my spell had gone completely awry... Or had it gone “HAWry”? I laughed at my own lame pun and that turned out to be a mistake because I choked, coughing up some short streams of Harry’s piss in the process.

Suddenly Harry halted in his tracks, making me feel like a dizzy passenger riding on a car which had just braked violently. There was someone looking at us... Well... That person was actually only looking at a donkey, I just happened to be the most obscene part of that particular donkey.

The shadowy person began to creep closer through the dark... It was... Oh no... I’d recognize this fit guy with perfect teeth anywhere... It was Scott, my sworn archenemy!

“Fuck, Harry! That’s Scott, the wizard I mentioned before!” I whispered. “I’ll die of shame if he finds out about my predicament! Quick, pretend to be a regular donkey!”

Harry just stood still looking like a... Well... a regular donkey.

“Perfect!” I lifted my right testicle as a makeshift thumbs-up. “As for me, I’ll channel my studies of the dramatic arts to masquerade as a regular penis! In 3... 2... 1...”

I flopped down and hung limp. I had to admit that my performance was truly sublime. Those acting classes were worth the money! Whoever was to look at us would only see a donkey and its perfectly normal flaccid equine cock dangling below. We were completely incognito!

Scott approached Harry and petted the top of his head. “Oh, are you lost?” He examined the donkey’s neck and being unable to find any evidence this stray donkey belonged to anyone else he whipped out his baton (much larger and shinier than mine! Damn you, Scott!) and conjured up a rope to use as a leash on Harry.

Harry got a bit scared and refused to move. Scott talked to him in a very soft, calming voice. “Shh, don’t worry. I treat my livestock with a lot of care... Oh, I know just the way to calm you down...” He waved his wand, formulating another one of his spells.

The next thing I knew I was inside a transparent cage! I could no longer move! I was still Harry’s donkey cock so technically this had to be a cockcage, I guess? But I didn’t understand, what was the point of incarcerating a donkey’s cock inside this weird thing?

Scott kept donkey-whispering the scared Harry. “You’re going to like this, I’m sure of it. All my livestock do.” The handsome wizard flipped his wand.

“HAAAAAAAAAAAWWWW!!!” Harry brayed with pleasure. He felt amazing, as if invisible hands were giving him an expertly crafted handjob. I was getting hard inside the weird transparent cage. If this were a chastity cage it was doing a very bad job... Oh, wait, this contraption wasn’t a cage... it was an automatic milking device!

Harry’s mouth was open and his tongue was hanging out. His temperature was rising. The magical handjob he was receiving went up in intensity. The fingers turned into tongues that licked me all around. It felt amazing to both of us... But I was too angered by Scott of all people being the one milking me to be able to enjoy the experience!

Scott made a giant jar appear in mid-air. I spewed up some salty precum through my mouth and every single drop was absorbed by the milking device. The wizard used his telekinesis to draw a steady flow of liquid from a hole in the device. This steady stream traveled in slow motion from Harry’s nether regions until it landed into the jar. I could hear Harry’s cum, *my* cum, splashing on the jar as if it was the orange juice of Scott’s breakfast. That bastard!

The wizard lifted his fist and Harry’s anus was penetrated by a disembodied giant horse cock that had materialized out of nowhere. The ghostly cock followed Scott’s hand movements, and he was a real master at making penises dance to his tune.This made Harry get much harder and in turn my flow of cum increased greatly. “Now that’s a real equine cock and not your ugly donkey dick.” Scott pointed out. I felt very insulted.

“Believe me, I’m not doing this for pleasure.” Scott denied. “But you see, all kinds of animal semen are used as ingredients to make magic potions. Ask any potion maker, they’ll agree.” He explained while we were being fucked by his magic.

That... fucking... bastard... giving me pleasure like that...! I wasn’t his bitch! I was much more than a cum-spewing body part ripe for milking... I was a person... Even greater than that... I was a fucking wizard!

“Hawwwww!!! Hawwwww!!!” Harry was in heaven. I always knew he was a total bottom... 

Everything Harry felt I felt ten times over. My whole body tingled with ultimate pleasure but I'd never admit that it was because of Scott's sensual magic... Scott's big horse cock felt amazing though... Agh! That was it! I couldn't pretend to be an inanimate cock anymore. I was ready to give up my act. “Hey, Scott! Stop this, you bastard! We are humans! Your magic is practically raping us!” I screamed. However, the milking device completely muffled my screams of agony. Not like I’d ever be heard either way thanks to Harry’s nonstop braying. “Let us go, Scott! Please!”

I was cumming so much that I doubted my magic would be able to recharge as fast as I expected. I was spent and quite sore but Harry was producing so much semen that I felt like I would be cumming over and over again at this rate.

“You like this, don’t you... I have lots of use for donkey sperm... It doesn’t fetch as much as stallion sperm but you seem very virile. You filled out the whole jar in one go, after all! What do you say... Do you want to join my farm?”

As Scott's impressive magic powers anally assaulted Harry and a big spurt of donkey cum came out of me, Harry nodded with eagerness. He was ready to leave his old life behind and be part of Scott’s livestock, being magically pleasured in all sorts of ways while he paid Scott back in cum. As for me, the still rock hard donkey dick that had actual life prospects and high standards unlike Harry, I would have preferred to shake my shaft to say "no" in disagreement but regrettably I wasn’t getting out of my sperm-collecting cage or from Scott's sexually estimulating magic powers for a while.

[grrside]

Metaverse Mischief (Male to Snowman TF, Modular cock)

A police officer has to solve a mystery in the toughest crime scene he's ever been in: the metaverse.

Metaverse Mischief

-a grrside story-

CHAPTER 1

Oh god, Jack Stunning... Now THAT was a stud.

How else could he be described? He was just a rookie police officer but you can bet your ass nobody else in the station looked nearly as good on that uniform.

With muscles which looked like they’d burst out of the tight fabric that imprisoned them at any second, this 27-year-old muscle god left the older officers embarrassed of their own pudgy frames.

An internal rumor making its rounds on the police station said that a quick glance at the thick nipples protruding through his shirt was enough to make any woman have an intense orgasm on the spot, which is why Jack preferred to maintain a low profile while off-duty by ordering his groceries online. Supposedly, making women of all types lubricate their panties at the supermarket was fun at first but after a few weeks the endless moaning became quite repetitive and unpleasant.

That may or may not have been an exaggeration but there was no doubt about this man being goddamn sexy. And handsomely strong to boot. You just had to look at his masculine face. His precisely short haircut contrasted with the little rebellious stubble on his square jaw and his abundant forest of dark chest hair. His deep piercing gray eyes made him look rough. Any criminal would piss their pants if they saw his thick eyebrows get angry. Damn, Jack Stunning meant really serious business, baby!

In fact, local criminality rates had hit an all-time low since Jack Stunning started kicking ass. And it sure was noticeable in the police station.

“Isn’t it kind of boring lately?” Said Carl, one of the most veteran and therefore pudgier officers. “I mean, Jack’s a great cop and all, but since he single-handedly takes care of all the thugs in the city we are stuck here doing paperwork. We don’t even issue speeding tickets lately... It’s like we are living in the most peaceful city in the entire world!”

The rest of the officers silently agreed with Carl as they ate their donuts.

Just then a computer programmer (he wore glasses and carried a laptop below his arm so it was quite obvious what his day job was) came running into the police station. His face was full of tears, like he had been crying in despair for hours.

“Woah! What happened to you?” Asked Carl, surprised that a citizen actually needed their help.

“They... killed...” Said the computer programmer between tears.

“Holy shit! There’s a murderer loose in the city?!”

The scrawny programmer took a deep breath and finally said the rest. “They killed my penguin!”

“Oh, animal cruelty! That’s still quite horrendous!”

The programmer shook his head. “They killed my pet penguin in Frosted Lands(tm), the premier winter-themed world in the metaverse! It cost me a buttload of money in microtransactions!”

“...Oh.” Carl’s face filled with disappointment. “Sorry kiddo, we don’t avenge video game character’s deaths.”

“You don’t understand! Killing someone else goes against the Terms of Service of this massively multiplayer online world rated E for all ages! Bending the rules like this... This can only be the work of a hacker!”

“But seriously kid, we don’t solve virtual crimes...” Carl said.

“It IS our duty to protect and serve every citizen of our fine city...” Said a deep and masculine voice. “...That includes our citizen’s virtual avatars.”

Carl’s jaw dropped. “Jack?! You’ve gotta be kidding me, you already are the perfect cop in real life, there’s no need for you to be the perfect video game character!”

“Me, perfect?” Jack laughed. “I’m just doing my work.” He smiled and his teeth shone so brightly that Carl got blinded for a second.

“Oh thank you, mister!” Said the computer nerd. “You’ve gotta catch that bastard! Who knows who’ll be next!”

Actually, Jack Stunning didn’t know much about today’s online gameverses and meta-whatevers. Technology had seemed to evolve so quickly over the last few years he lost track of all the technological advancements.

According to the nerd, the days of heavy Virtual Reality headsets were about to be over. With Virtualizer cameras, you could venture into the metaverse, for real! They were still in heavy development but the most rich enthusiasts had already gotten themselves one. They looked like very expensive webcams that scanned your body image and created a 3D model that acted like a digital twin on the screen. Jack understood that part, but no matter how thoroughly the computer nerd explained, Jack couldn’t comprehend for the heck of it how a simple camera was capable of transferring his entire conscience into a computer file.

Eventually the nerd gave up on trying to explain. “Let’s just say that the Virtualizer lets you go inside the computer, even though that explanation is extremely inaccurate...”

“I’m not sure about this, Jack...” Whispered Carl. “While you explore that virtual world thingy you won’t be here to protect the real world...”

“There’s no need to worry.” Replied Jack. “I know the city will be safe with all of you.” He pointed at the group of fat cops sleeping on the job.

“But still...”

“I am ready.” Jack announced. He was standing at attention in front of the laptop with his black police uniform covering his muscles.

“Ok, here we go...” The nerd turned on the Virtualizer and pointed it at Jack. The machine looked futuristic and expensive as hell.

“Now that I think about it...” Pondered Jack. “Does the camera virtualize my clothes as well? Because-”

*FLASH!*

There was a bright light and just where Jack had been standing there was a police uniform levitating up in the air. For a few seconds it looked like there was an invisible cop in the room, but the clothes fell into a pile soon after. There was a clinking sound as the handcuffs and the walkie-talkie Jack had been carrying fell to the floor at the same time.

“Holy shit! Jack’s inside the computer!” Carl pointed to the tiny pink smudge that was now Jack on the screen.

“Okay, so all that’s left to do is to upload him into the server.” Said the nerd. “As I said, the brutal killing took place in Frosted Lands(tm), a winter-themed virtual world in the metaverse with fun minigames and where no sexual content or violence is allowed...” The nerd glanced at the tiny confused naked stud on his computer screen, more specifically at his humongous cock. “...We’ll need to edit Jack’s body a little bit before uploading him there, genitals aren’t allowed after all. The default avatar is a guy wearing ski gear, but there are plenty others.”

“What do you think?” Asked the nerd to Carl. “Should we make him similar to how he looks right now? Or should we keep him incognito? Once he’s uploaded to the server it’ll be harder to edit his appearance without spending real money on microtransactions, so I suggest you choose wisely.”

Carl nodded absent-mindedly. Then he opened his mouth in shock. “Wait, you’re asking ME?” The pudgy officer realized he was in control of the fate of the little naked man running around on the screen. He felt powerful but also very, very afraid of screwing everything up.

The fat officer’s unimpressive boner was leaking in his loins. Holy shit, Jack Stunning was there on the screen, completely buttnaked. His hands were covering his crotch and this only served to make his hairy pectorals stand out even more because his 9-inch cock was impossible to conceal.

It was the first time Carl had seen Jack Stunning this vulnerable. The tiny little man stood in the center of the screen. He seemed to be protesting but he barely could be heard. His cries sounded like those of a squeaky little mouse.

“Is the size reduction a side-effect of the Virtualizer?” Asked Carl to the nerd operating the laptop.

The scrawny guy started talking with his mouth full of chewing gum. This nerd was gross. “Uh? Nah, he’s not small. The camera’s just too far away.” The nerd rolled up the mouse wheel and suddenly a crystal clear rendition of Jack Stunning’s hairy chest filled the screen. It was impressive how every single body hair had been perfectly recreated. “But it kinda grosses me out to zoom in so much on a *guy*.”

“Oh, of course...! It’d gross me out as well to see a muscular man like him all up and personal!” Carl lied. “...Although we should spin the camera 180 degrees around. You know, to make sure he’s being faithfully rendered...”

The nerd pressed down on the mouse wheel and moved the peripheral to rotate the camera. “Yes, he’s been virtualized with 100% fidelity. By the way, he missed a spot when he wiped his butt this morning. You can see some tiny specks of shit right between these two butthairs, right below the anus. Want me to zoom in between the buttcheeks too, uh? Of course I can. Seriously, you old geezers and your fear of technology...”

Jack Stunning turned around in surprise inside the empty virtual world. He was covering his penis with one hand and his butt with the other, embarrassed at the fact that the nerd and Carl were able to see him in 360º with every single intimate detail faithfully recreated.

“So, have you decided yet? What do we turn him into?”

Carl thought for a good while. Maybe a penguin? They were cute but Jack as an online enforcer needed to look more authoritative.

“Mmm... I know!” Announced Carl. “Let’s turn him into a snowman. It’d fit the theme. But make sure he looks as *stunning* as he looks right now... You know... Like a badass police officer.”

“I think I know what you mean...Let’s give it a try. Hopefully my modeling skills didn’t get rusty.” The nerd pressed the “Edit Mesh” button and Jack was forced to adopt a T-Pose with his arms. He blushed when he looked down at his dangling cock but he couldn’t move anything other than his eyes while he was being edited, as if invisible chains were restraining him in place.

Jack tried to protest when an oversized mouse cursor appeared and started hovering all over his body as it pondered what part of the naked man to sculpt first, but his screams were muffled. He realized there was an output sound volume button on the nerd’s desktop and it was currently set at the bare minimum.

“First off, this has to go.” Said the nerd as the cursor pointed at the 9-inch piece of meat. The nerd right-clicked it, then the giant cursor tentatively hovered over various woeful-sounding options like “Resize”, “Delete”, “Flatten” until it nonchalantly decided to press “Cut”.

The moment the cursor clicked it, Jack’s cock was gone.

“Mmmppphhh!” or “You bastard, you cut off my cock!”, which was what Jack wanted to scream.

Then the cursor created a new yellow folder out of thin air, named it “Unnecessary” and pasted Jack’s cock inside it.

“Why’s he so mad? His cock will be just fine in my folder. My Solid Storage Drive still has one year of warranty left.” The nerd commented as he saw Jack Stunning’s thick eyebrows move into a no-bullshit frown.

“Maybe he feels uncomfortable with another person keeping his cock away while he’s undercover...” Carl said. He’d surely be freaked out as heck in Jack’s situation. “I’m sure he’d rather keep it close.”

“Oh...” The nerd chewed in thought. “Ah, I know!”

The nerd opened the folder and right-clicked Jack’s penis, then selected “Edit”. First he changed the cock’s color to orange and applied a carrot-like texture. Then he squished his balls and the tip of the shaft so it’d look more like a carrot.

“MMMMMF!” Cried Jack, feeling all the changes applied to his cock in real time.

The expressionless cursor then attached Jack’s cock...er...carrot to his nose. Jack could feel his cock and nose fusing as one body part that shared each other’s functions.

The cursor applied a snow texture to Jack’s body, overriding all of his body hair in the process. He now looked like a very muscular sculpture made of pure white snow.

Jack winced with pain. His nipples had been turned into little perky rocks which were masquerading as snowman's buttons. The virtual pointer next turned Jack’s eyeballs into expressionless, solid black marbles and his lips into smaller pebbles which were positioned in a cocky grin. His facial expression now possessed the same anatomical complexity as a stick figure's.

The cursor applied a wooden texture to Jack’s muscular arms. A regular snowman would have feeble sticks, but this snowhunk had strong muscle tree trunks instead. They weren't firmly affixed to his now larger muscular torso however, these wooden limbs looked like they could fall apart from his body at any second. They were sticks lazily put on a snow body after all, it's not like they were glued.

The next thing to model was his clothing. Well, just a sheriff’s hat and a police tool belt carrying handcuffs and a badge were the only garments the nerd actually bothered to model.

“Just a few final touches...” Said the nerd as the cursor applied a reflective shader all over Jack’s muscles slowly and with care. This is what a statue must feel when it’s polished, thought Jack. It felt kinda nice.

The white six pack on his torso now had a faint rough surface as if it was made of actual snow. Jack’s body was white and shaved completely clean. This, unfortunately, included his oversized glutes, his buttocks now looking like two pristine white bowling balls.

When the cursor clicked “Save changes” Jack could move once again. He reached down under his toolbelt, a shiny bulge was all that remained of this snowhunk’s manhood. Jack rubbed his blank groin between his muscular white legs and he didn’t feel anything, but then he pinched his button-nipples and got so aroused he got a runny nose...er...carrot, from the slight touch on his sensitive buttons.

“That should do it... Oh, I didn’t notice Jack was muted.” The nerd increased Jack’s voice volume.

“He seems ready for action.” Said Carl looking at Jack’s expression.

“I’m not, it’s just that my mouth’s default idle position is a grin.” Jack admitted, his 9-inch carrot pointing down all flaccid with fear. “Err... I’m actually having second thoughts about this whole plan...”

“As long as our connection to Frosted Lands’ servers is stable there should be no problem.” Said the nerdy guy. “We can retrieve your virtual avatar’s body and restore it to full health with an app I have here on my laptop.”

Jack didn’t like how the nerd had said “virtual avatar’s *body*”, as if he could end up a corpse. It was a game designed for all ages, right? What could go wrong?

“Ok, beam me down into the servers, nerd guy.” Said Jack, keeping his cool. As cool as a snowhunk with no pants could be.

“Will you guys please stop calling me ‘nerd’? My name’s Steven...”

Carl was excited. “I can’t wait to see Jack Stunning in action! Jack him up to Frosted Lands, nerd guy!”

The nerd guy sighed and opened the app portal to Frosted Lands. The snowhunk walked towards it and the moment he touched the portal Jack Stunning’s data left the safety of the nerd guy’s computer and traversed the wild, strange world that is the internet until he arrived at his destination...

...

“...Why has the screen gone black?” Asked Carl.

“We lost our connection to Jack!” Cried out the nerd in a panic. “Damn! That hacker! He must have disabled our firewalls, or...! Oh, wait. It’s just that the movie I was downloading ate up my data cap... Uh... What’s your WiFi password?”

CHAPTER 2

While panic reigned in the real-life police station, Jack’s login process into his new virtual existence had already been completed. The muscle snowman stud clad in just a police officer’s hat and badge was in awe at what he saw. “Wow, so this is what the fuss is all about. This is the metaverse...”

The mighty metaverse looked like an extremely generic winter wonderland except for the fact that every single object you could see carried a price tag. Candy canes stuck on the floor, 5$ each. An igloo hut that served as a home, 5000$. Hot cocoa, 4$. An emote to drink from a cup of hot cocoa, 66$.

“Wowzers, I feel like I could spend my entire life savings in just five minutes if I'm not careful.”

But there was no time to shop around, Jack Stunning had a criminal to catch. He better find some clues or vital witnesses. Jack first asked a man dressed up like Santa, but the conversation went nowhere as he turned out to be just a mindless NPC advertising a new cola drink.

After this embarrassing disappointment, Jack saw lots of characters performing the same robotic dance moves to non-existent music which he could only assume to be... Real players!

One of those real players, one who wore a male default avatar with ski gear, approached Jack. “Hey, are you a newbie?”

Jack’s inexpressive black marbles for eyes blinked. Was this random person talking to him? The cop is the one who should be asking questions!

The muscular snowman whispered to the other side of the screen. “Eh, Carl and nerd guy, a pedestrian is asking me if I’m a ‘newbie’. What does that term mean?” But nobody answered. The connection to the real world was still spotty. Figures. He would have to improvise.

“I’m not a newbie, I’m just new here.” Jack answered with a straight face.

“Cool, bro.” The stranger said and stood there, still and quiet, for a few long and awkward seconds. Jack wondered what expression the guy was making behind the ski balaclava. It was very strange talking to a virtual avatar which may or may not be an accurate representation of the actual player. Hell, the stranger could either be a fat greasy old guy or a hot chick using a male voice filter.

“My player name is NotAGrifter#34959.” The stranger said and performed a handshaking emote that caused him to handshake the air in front of him in an eerily, uncanny valley way. “I like your avatar, bro."

Jack looked down at his muscular bare torso made out of cold, pristine white snow. “Oh, thanks. By the way, have you seen anyone acting suspicious around here-”

The stranger took a step forward and pointed at his chiseled six pack. “So much attention to detail. Especially the muscles. Is it custom-made?”

“You could say so. But-”

The stranger took another step forward. “Who made it? Where did you buy it from?”

“Well, I didn’t exactly buy it, because-”

The stranger got extremely uncomfortably close to Jack. “How much would you sell it for? What payment methods do you accept? Would you trade it for this limited edition scarf?”

Jack didn’t know how he could explain to this stranger that the snowman avatar was all he had and that it had been modeled using his own real-world body as a literal material using state-of-the-art Virtualizer technology. “It’s... it’s not for sale...”

“Ok. What about the accessories? The handcuffs? The police badge? How much for the buttons?” The random stranger reached for Jack's hard pecs and squeezed the button that used to be Jack’s left nipple. Jack couldn’t help yelping in a shriek of unexpected pleasure. It may have looked like a round pebble masquerading as a button but to the snowman it felt like an extremely sensitive part of his own body. Jack's nipples had always acted like remote controls for his arousement level, and they were literally hard as a rock right now. The hunky snowman’s cock twitched and hardened in such an abrupt and exaggerated way it was cartoon-grade comical.

“Oh my *beep*ing god!” The stranger was so excited that he had triggered Frosted Lands(tm)’s patented censor beep. “The carrot has animations included?! How much do you want for that carrot?”

Jack blushed. He had almost forgotten his cock was now a carrot ‘nose’ visible to everyone. He instinctively tried to use his wooden muscular arms to hide his orange nine-incher from view, but his short wooden twigs did a very poor job at covering up the gargantuan erection that hung on his face.

NotAGrifter *NEEDED* that carrot. Wearables with animations were worth much more than regular accessories. He was sure it would fetch a lot in the black market of limited edition items were Jack to be unfortunate or gullible enough to lose it. He wondered if it included any other emotes...

Jack shrieked when the stranger suddenly and with no warning flicked the tip of his erect nose. The phallic carrot swayed up and down and hardened even more. Jack's poorly-made caricature of a human face blushed. “Please, don’t!”

“It even has mucus fluid simulation, so much attention to detail!” NotAGrifter said, completely unaware he had just touched Jack’s penis and that the dripping mucus was actually his precum. He reached for all nine inches of it and squeezed hard.

A giant user interface window appeared in front of Jack's eyes. “NotAGrifter#34959 has sent you a trade request for your currently-worn item, ‘Snowman’s Carrot (Nine inches-long)’, accept or decline?”

The big sign obscured the muscular snowman's line of sight. "Woah! How do I get rid of this thing?!" Jack panicked as he struggled to press the floating 'Decline' button blindly with those fragile and unnecessarily-complex-to-articulate twigs of his.

"Trade request accepted. You gave the following item(s) away: 'Snowman's Carrot (Nine inches-long)'. You received the following item(s) in return: 'Nothing'." The floating user interface window cemented the deal.

Jack was dismayed. "NO! That's not what I wanted to do!"

The system message vanished as fast as it had appeared. NotAGrifter grinned with satisfaction under his balaclava when Jack's cock ultimately detached from the snowman's face with a comical 'plop' sound effect.

"You bast*beep*ard! Give it back!" Jack tried to grab his former cock and balls but his upper limbs made up of tree branches passed through the obscenely large vegetable as if they were intangible. "What the?!"

"NotAGrifter#34959 is not accepting trade requests at this time." A small warning informed the snowman.

The metaverse didn't follow the same rules as real life. Players couldn't just take another player's items by force, no matter their difference in physical strength. It was meant to give players a sense of ownership over their virtual belongings as they wore the latest fashion cosmetics they bought with real currency, furnished their virtual homes with all the expensive furniture they had gathered in their adventures, or even speculate with them in the marketplace which functioned just like an auction house. Unwanted property that didn't fetch a good price could also be permanently deleted from existence so it wouldn't waste valuable inventory space on the server.

And Jack's genitals were now legitimately NotAGrifter's property, which meant that the shady player could do with them any of the above as he pleased.

"Impressive, bro. The texture work is incredibly detailed." NotAGrifter traced a finger on its surface. "It's slightly redder on the tip and there are veiny-like things along the shaft that give it a healthy and mature look. It's a damn fine vegetable, bro. I have seen a lot of snowmen's carrots but none as long and thick as yours, bro."

"That is... Uh... Nice of you to say, I suppose..." Jack blushed. "...But yeah, you've had your fun examining it, how about giving it back?"

The masked man was engrossed by Jack's thingy. "Oh, wow, it has a lot of animations, bro. When I squeeze it right below the tip it grows thicker! But how do I make it release all the sticky goo it has stored inside? It looks like it really needs to burst, bro!" The guy shook the huge thing around, squeezed it and tickled it.

All of this would be much easier on the undercover policeman if he didn't feel every single touch and prod on his cock with the same intensity as if it was still physically connected to him.

The poor carrot was so desperate for release that it twitched on the ski man's hands. It was a very sensitive, long and hard organ and all the constant teasing was making it go through a living hell.

"I want to see it blow a huge load!" The ski man said as he lashed all nine inches of it as if it were a whip. "C'mon! How do I make it sneeze?"

It was too difficult for Jack to keep his cool while being this turned on. "Please, ahhh, can you give me my carrot back already, ohhhh..." He began thrusting his muscular snow-white hips forward as his arousement was too much. But no matter how much the big policeman hilariously humped the ground and scratched away at his blank crotch, his erect genitals were still at NotAGrifter's mercy. Release was so close, yet so far!

"This carrot is so rare..." NotAGrifter was in love with the valuable item and seeing how desperate Jack was to recover it, the shady character knew exactly what he had to do.

...

"Thanks for showing me your carrot, bro. I'll work hard to earn one that looks as impressive someday. You can have it back." The ski man said against all odds.

"Phew, I thought for sure you were a grifter scheming to scam me." Jack said. "So gimme, gimme! And with haste, please!" Jack extended his arms, eagerly awaiting the orange dildo of a carrot.

"What? No, bro. I'm not a grifter. That's the reason I chose this username. See? I'm not a grifter, therefore NotAGrifter fits me like a glove, bro."

"Ok, ok, just give me my co- I mean, my carrot back!" Just a few seconds more and he would jizz all over the ski man's hands.

"Sure thing bro. Woah, bro, your face is so red right now. You got a fever? I don't think it's a good idea for a snowman to be so hot." The ski man adjusted his ski glasses with concern.

"We can discuss that *after* you give me my thingy back!" Jack danced with desperation. He was so close. The slightest tease could make him cum now...

"But snowmen melt if they get too hot, bro." NotAGrifter said as he casually squeezed Jack's hard dick.

"Man, I can tell you're strong and fit with your thick pristine white muscles telling everyone who's boss the moment you enter the room but behind that whole cold blooded facade what you really crave is the ice cold touch of a fellow male snowman that puts you in your place." He waved the hard cock around as he explained.

"Hot snowmen need to keep their temperatures low by embracing other snowmen. It's in their DNA, that's why you find so many wild snowmen wrestling against each other around here. I have seen them, bro." He squeezed harder and more passionately...

"Those snowmen bear hugging each other, the hot sweat on their muscles evaporating the moment they touch each other. You crave that, don't you? Snowmen who get too hot end up as white goop on the ground." ...And harder and harder...

"Yes, their snow bodies are so hot they melt into their own bodily juices. You don't want that happening, right? To feel so hot that you melt into your own white stuff because of craving too much the touch of hunky men all over you? Because that's what you are, a mindless muscle-craving snowstud...

Oh, you 'sneezed' all over. You ok, bro? You left quite a big mess."

Jack's detached cock had jizzed like a huge fountain. His muscles were losing definition as the snow that gave form to his body melted with pleasure. He needed a quick breather for his overloaded brain to 'unmelt' itself from the orgasm. "Ohhhh, man..."

"Oh right, I had to give this back to ya."

Jack saw another trade window. NotAGrifter had offered his cock back. The snowman didn't feel himself in a hurry to have his genitals back post-nut, but he groggily accepted and the carrot appeared right in front of him, floating and spinning mid-air.

"See ya, bro!"

"Yes... 'Bro'... Phew, that was intense..." The snowman could barely pull himself together. He couldn't believe he had gotten so hot and bothered by some anonymous rando's online nonsense!

Jack felt groggy, as if had drunk a lot of alcohol, his brain cells melting into hot water. Fortunately, it didn't take long for his body to revert to his hunky self of solid muscle.

"Oh, by the way, how do I equip my carrot?" Jack realized it wasn't as simple as just sticking it in. The damn thing didn't want to get attached back to his face. He probably had to use the equipment menu, but Jack was clumsy as heck with computers and user interfaces. He would need help, but NotAGrifter had already bolted off to stalk another new player.

"Well, let's try this. It can't possibly be too hard, could it?"

CHAPTER 3

Meanwhile in the real world, Carl was very scared. "What if the hacker has attacked Jack?" Carl pondered out loud. "Damn it! We should never have sent our best man on such a dangerous mission!"

"This should do the trick." Said the nerdy computer programmer as he restored the police station's connection to the virtual world and Carl practically jumped with joy, as he couldn't live a second more without seeing his hero.

However the screen greeted them with a very grotesque image instead.

The nerd was visibly disappointed. "What the fuck, Jack? We go away for less than ten minutes and you're already messing up the avatar I so meticulously designed?"

"Oh... Er... Hi guys..." Jack was very embarrassed. "Look, I can explain... I messed up dealing with the equipment menu and well..." He said with his mouth full.

The equipment menu had looked simple enough. But Jack still thought of his carrot nose as his cock so instead of equipping it into his face he mistakenly attached it to his groin. He tried correcting his mistake by selecting his face and his crotch and then pressing the "attach" button. The very next thing he knew his meaty snowhunk lips were sucking his own monstrous cock, still full of sticky goop after his recent nut.

"Dude! You're fucking self-sucking yourself in public! You look too obscene! What if the censor bots see you?!" The nerd furiously said.

"Sorry..." Jack apologized, his torso still stuck bended at 180 degrees, his anus wide open for everyone to see.

"Censor bots? What are those?" Carl asked the nerd, the fat man unable to shift his eyes away from the naughty snow hunk performing autofellatio.

"They're artificial intelligences that moderate the metaverse. If they catch you violating the Terms of Service they can ban you from the game forever... Or even worse still, reset your battle pass progress in order to make you play more."

"Woah, they're monsters! That's too cruel."

The nerd opened the equipment menu and in a flash unglued Jack's face from his crotch and restored his cock carrot back to a innocent-looking nose. But it was all in vain, because a big robot with a shiny black metal surface and a forbidden sign for a face had already made its act of appearance in front of Jack.

"YOU VIOLATED THE TERMS OF SERVICE. THEREFORE YOU ARE PERMANENTLY BANNED FROM ALL SERVERS AND YOUR CUSTOM ASSETS WILL BE CONFISCATED BY OUR GLORIOUS COMPANY." The robot said in a deep monotone voice.

"That doesn't sound good..." Jack said.

Carl was in full panic mode but the nerd was even more worried. "Custom assets? But Jack, *you* are those custom assets... Uh, oh..."

"Does that mean they're confiscating Jack?!" Carl yelped.

"Yeah, Jack will be turned into a file that belongs to the metaverse's president. Then most probably they'll churn out infinite copies of him that will be handed out as a battle pass reward next season. If they turn him into a pet he'll retain some degree of autonomy but if they turn him into a skin he'll just be an empty husk of himself for people to wear."

"What?! I don't want to be a prize for people to claim!" Jack protested.

"They can't do that to him! He's a human being, not some asset that can be copied and passed around!" Carl was pissed.

"Of course they can do that. It's all written down in the Terms of Service nobody reads but we all agree when we play." The computer programmer said.

Carl was sweating like a pig. "What can we do then?"

The arm of the robot turned into a big cannon, locked and loaded, pointing at Jack. "PREPARING TO TAKE OVER THE OWNERSHIP OF THE NAUGHTY ASSET..."

Jack prepared for the worst. He kept the inexpressive black marbles he had for eyes closed. "So this is my end. My consciousness will be erased and then the rich CEO who owns the metaverse company will profit out of my own corpse of a body forever and ever... I hope I become an uncommon battle pass reward, at least..."

An explosion erupted...

And then Jack opened his eyes. The censor bot had been demolished, only a pair of smoking robot legs remaining. "What? But how, who...?!"

There was a person. An individual enveloped in blue, standing like a sentient blue flame of bright burning fire. He was holding the censor bot's head in his hands. The celestial figure crushed the barely functioning thing with his bare hands like it was made of paper.

Jack was speechless. Whoever this thing was, it was his savior. "T-thank you...!"

The blue man turned around. He was completely devoid of hair and clothing. His body consisted of blue flames that shone brightly in the darkest of places. "I simply did what I must." His voice sounded distorted, like he was using some sort of filter or voice modulator. Talking about distortion, there was what looked like an aura of garbled graphic artifacts surrounding him.

"Jack, be careful! That graphical distortion and that overpowered strength... He must have modified his own code!" The nerd said on the other end. "That must mean he's..."

"That's right, you could say I'm a hacker." The figure said.

"Yikes! He can hear us!" Carl said with surprise and fear.

"But he doesn't strike me as a bad guy." Jack said. "He just saved me from becoming a simple game asset."

"That may be true, but..." The nerd said. "My pet penguin was killed by a hacker! What if this guy is the killer?!"

"I'd never use my hacking prowess to harm other players. I wouldn't want my living space to be filled with violence. However, I may know who killed your pet."

"Uh?!" The nerd pressed his face into the screen.

"The company who claims to own the metaverse is running a disprestige campaign against hackers. I wouldn't be surprised if they are blaming us for the bugs on their own software." The hacker put his hands on his sides, seemingly disgusted. "Not only are they shifting the blame to us, but it makes people more accepting of their censor bots blasting people around. It's a double win for them."

"So you're telling me... My pet penguin died because of them..." The nerd's face filled with tears. "Dammit! I was so invested in the metaverse, but in the end it was all just a lot of money thrown down the drain!"

Jack was thinking hard about the whole thing. They had solved the mystery of the killer of the nerd's virtual pet. But the killer was a much bigger enemy than he initially thought. It wasn't some random person, it was the richest company on Earth.

"That's it, I'm quitting the metaverse forever. It was all a big bunch of lies from the start." The nerd sobbed.

Carl looked at Jack. "Well, that's another case closed for Jack Stunning. Should we log you off now?"

"I'm going to stay a little bit longer... There's something that bothers me. Nerd?"

"Yeah, the nerd is annoying as hell for me, too." Carl retorted.

"That isn't what I meant." Jack tried to look directly at where he thought the nerd was. "I just wanted to say that I don't think the metaverse is all bad.

I've found weird people for sure, and the terms of service are dubious at best, but I've also found people that look like complete grifters at first yet don't turn out to be grifters but great roleplayers instead and I've also meet people with differing views to mine that are willing to help complete strangers, like this hacker.

What I mean to say is that maybe, just maybe, if we let the metaverse grow with the help of what matters most, that is, the people, it could turn out not to be a total load of bull*beep*shit."

"And that's the true meaning of the metaverse!" Carl added.

The nerd stopped sobbing. "...So what you're trying to say is that there's hope for this place?"

The snowman stuck his white chest out with pride and confidence and made a thumbs up with his tree branches. "That's right!"

"Of course there is." The hacker joined in. "I love the metaverse. As I mentioned, it's where I live." The hacker was being literal. He explained he had wasted all of his life savings to buy a Virtualizer and now lived as a permanent resident of the metaverse, his old real life self be damned. "And now, reborn as FlameBlue, I'll fight to the bitter end for a free and open metaverse... Or at the very least one that allows nudism."

"What a noble cause." Jack admitted. "If you ever need any help in your fight let me know, Flame. I have to return the favor after all!" He smiled warmly and shook the hacker's hand. He casually noticed that the nudist man's flames tickled but didn't hurt.

And that's how Jack Stunning's first case in the metaverse ended. However, Jack's fight for justice in this new world had just begun. It would be a long and hazardous journey, that was for sure, but the star policeman felt pumped and ready for action.

"By the way, Flame." The snowman eventually asked FlameBlue. "If you're a nudist, why didn't you choose a bigger willy for your avatar? Looks very embarrassing to be flopping that tiny thing around!"

"Err... It's based on my offline penis..." The nudist hacker responded, his blue face tinting red with shame. "I didn't modify it one bit..."

"Oh."

[grrside]

Coming back?

This blog is now unbanned, I might get back to posting.

[grrside]

Moving everything to FurAffinity

This is very frustrating, but from December 17th NSFW blogs won't be welcome on Tumblr anymore.

However, you can find all my content on FurAffinity. Don't be fooled by the furry theme of the FurAffinity website: my human content is also on there. If you don't want to miss all my future stories, drawings and animations containing featuring transformation fetishes, humiliation and bizarre goodness then please, give me a watch on FurAffinity.

(You'll need to register for a FurAffinity account and enable adult content in your account settings to be able to enjoy all the content.)

I work hard to produce content and make it available on the internet free of charge and I have no intention to stop any time soon. Your feedback and messages of support are very important to me.

I'll also be researching about alternative sites to post my work on in the future. In the meantime, I'll keep you up to date from FurAffinity.

Thanks, everyone! And don't forget: when you're a dick, you ALWAYS land balls-first into the ground.

[grrside]

The Runaway Penis Curse

The Runaway Penis Curse -a grrside story-

You still remember about the disgusting nerd that crawled up your desk like a pesky vermin and confessed the true feelings he felt for you in front of everyone. You had came out as gay the day before, and your classmates had been very accepting. You’ve always been a muscular stud so it’s not like anybody would dare to laugh at your face anyway.

But for the flabby obese guy with glasses it was the complete opposite of that. Everybody mocked and laughed at the undateable gay nerd when he confessed his love for the big bodybuilder that you were. Your reaction wasn’t any different, and the way you laughed at the small ball of lard for his completely outrageous proposition shattered his heart to pieces.

“How could you do this to me?! I loved you way before you came out from the closet!” The tiny nerd cried with his tears falling down on his voluptious moobs. He was a pitiful sight to behold, and that only made the laughter and the mockery for the sorry excuse for a man increase. “C’mon, dude. You surely already know I’m way outta your league.” You replied coldly. “Go home and play with your little dickie for a bit, it’ll make your hormones go down.” The small pudgy man didn’t seem to appreciate your piece of advice. “That’s... none of your business! And my dick isn’t *that* small!” You and your friends chuckled. “Agh! That’s not what I meant! I... Waaaaagh! I curse you, I curse you and your tasty-looking dick!” He whined and took off running like a little porky from the slaughterhouse.

That happened last week. Nobody had seen the small nerd since then. During lunchtime at the cafeteria some of your peers came over to ask you if you knew anything, and you just replied with: “He’s fine. The little guy’s probably too ashamed to show up. Anyway, have you heard he’s gayer than me?” “Oh, yeah. He’s a total fairy behind those thick-framed glasses of his.” Added Mike. He was one of your best friends and also the hottest guy on the football team. What a shame he was straight, you’d have loved to make him suck your cock in the changing rooms after every single match. He was currently seated in front of you eating a tuna sandwich. “Why’s everybody so concerned about the nerd all of a sudden?” You wondered out loud. “Everybody’s just morbid. They love juicy rumors about anyone, no matter how worthless.” He said nonchalantly as he took a bite at his sandwich.

“Why do you like eating fish so much?” You asked him casually after a while. “It’s healthier than those huge sausages you eat every day.” “Well, you know I like ‘em real big!” You stared at his generous bulge. “Oh, just quit it, Derek...” Mike scolded you as he grabbed a big plastic cup filled to the brim with cola. “And now the promising football star, Mr. Oh-so-healthy, is going to drink cola...!” You commented. “Hey, I need the caffeine!” Mike said as he took hold of a pink plastic straw and placed it on the cup. Suddenly, you felt like you really needed to pee. You stood up. “I’m off to the bathroom...” “Jerk it real good.” Mike said. “And then they say I’m the perverted one...”

You walked through the cafeteria with a slight pain on your crotch. It was like your bladder had been completely filled up in an instant. Dang, it’s not like you had drank that much. But then why did it felt like your crotch was about to burst...?

“Woah!” A huge yanking feeling came out from your crotch and you fell down to the floor. “Uh... Sorry, I slipped...” You quickly made an excuse as you stood up back up. Some students turned around to look but they didn’t give the accident much thought when they saw that it had been you. They’d be nuts to laugh at a stud like you after all.

You headed to the bathroom door. For some reason you didn’t feel like peeing anymore. Fearing the worst you quickly felt your crotch. When you were certain your pants were dry, you let out a sigh of relief. It would be really embarrassing if you were to have that sort of accident on campus. Still, something about your crotch was... different. You felt like you had a huge hardon yet your penis felt way too thin for that to be true.

You walked towards the urinals. There was another dude peeing there. You took a quick peek at his equipment. Uncut. 4 inches soft. Apparently a grower. Nice bush. You stood next to him and unfastened your belt. You lowered your jeans with confidence and... Uh. “UH?!” You stammered in surprise. There in your crotch, surrounded by black pubic hair, lay a pink plastic straw. There wasn’t anything else. Your penis was gone!

“WHAT THE HELL?!” You cried out in utter panic. The other dude looked at you quizzically. “Wh...what’s this...?! Wh...where...is my...?!” You grabbed the plastic straw and tried to pull i t off you. It was attached to your body, right where your cock and balls had been this same morning, but you didn’t feel anything at all when you prodded the alien object. “Hey, aren’t you Derek from the football team...?” The other guy said as he zipped up his own equipment. “I... Yeah, but... I mean... Look at this!” You flashed him your straw as you pointed at it in bewilderment. “I know you just came out from the closet last week but that doesn’t mean you can’t just shove your genitals into other people’s faces like that!” “What? But... I mean... Look at it! It’s a fucking piece of plastic!” “I really don’t care about your junk, dude. You’re gonna get us both in trouble if you go exhibiting yourself like that...” He rolled his eyes and left. Okay, this was getting weirder by the second. That guy just acted like you having an extremely fragile straw for a dick was normal. You checked on the floor. You checked all over your pants and underwear. But you didn’t find any hint of your penis. You had a strange idea. You went to the urinal and pointed your plastic straw at it like it were a real penis and eventually... piss started flowing through it! “Oh, shit, oh shit, I must be hallucinating...” You had just peed through your plastic straw. That decidedly meant that the straw connected to your body. Still, no matter how much you squeezed and jerked it with your fingers it felt like a completely insensitive piece of plastic. You couldn’t live with something like this for dick! You needed pleasure...! Hold on. Maybe when you tripped, back in the cafeteria... It was worth a shot.

When you finished fastening your belt it felt so strange. On the outside, you looked like your usual self. But instead of your huge cock hanging proudly, you had a plastic straw tucked down and it barely made a bulge. You felt really insecure walking with a drinking straw for a dick. Still, your real dick could still be out there. You had to catch it, and quick! You headed back to the cafeteria and searched through the floor really thoroughly. Alas, you didn’t find anything but dust and dried up pieces of chewed gum. It would be easier if you split up your search, but it’s not like you could just walk to your friends and ask them to search for a stray penis.

You went to the tray area and saw a box full of pink straws. For some reason, looking at all those straws, ripe for anyone to grab one, use it and ultimately throw the feeble things into the trash made you feel even more self-conscious about your current sexual equipment. “Hey, Derek!” You heard Mike say. “Took you long enough. Did you enjoy the wank?” “Shut up, Mike. I’m in the middle of something important.” You told him without bothering to look up at him. “Yeesh, aren’t you in a sour mood today.” Mike just shrugged and went back to his cup. “Woah! What the...?!” You had just felt someone’s fingers brushing against your dick! Not the useless straw that hung inside your pants but your actual, fleshy cock that was lost somewhere! You had the ability to feel it remotely! Oh, that was great! If you can still feel your detached junk it means it could still be saved! ... Oh, shit! If you can still feel your detached junk it means you’ll be really screwed if someone else has taken hold of it!

“Where is it?! Who’s touching it?!” Just then, you saw it. Uncut. Over 8 and a half inches long. Currently hard. A shower. Balls covered in messy black hairs. And your ballsack was currently being submerged in Mike’s cup like a teabag. “MIKE! Give me that back right now!” You yelled at him. “Uh?” Mike gave you a dumbfounded look. “Give you back what?” “Isn’t it obvious?!” You pointed at the disembodied cock and balls swimming on his drink. “What? You want my cola? But I’ve already drank from it. Sharing a cup is unhealthy.” And as if to tease you he enveloped his lips on your exposed dickhead and started sucking it like it was the most natural thing to do in the world. “Ahhhh!” You felt a pleasurable jolt on your sensitive genitals... even though they weren’t attached! “Unnnngh!” You moaned in pleasure. Mike keep on sucking them like a pro. You could felt cola going through a small hole that had formed on your ballsack and the gassy liquid coming out through your urethra directly into Mike’s mouth. “Ohhh you’re very good at this...!” You said as you gave your pelvis a swift thrust. “...You know, you’re acting really weird today.” He said after a long sip. “Dude! Can’t you really see it?!” Mike was touching your rock-hard shaft like it was nothing special. Nobody seemed to act like some dude drinking from your penis was strange, either. Your friend began to walk away. “W-wait! Give me back my cock!” “Uh... Excuse me?” Mike stared at your bulge. He absent-mindedly sipped some more. Oh shit! It felt so amazing yet so wrong! You could feel his tongue quenching its thirst thanks to your boner... Every single sip drained your balls considerably. He was literally sucking you dry and it felt awesome. Still, your penis only had one home and that was your crotch. But Mike didn’t seem to understand why you wanted back the thing he was using to drink... Wait, if everyone thinks your cock is a straw, maybe you could applying this improbable logic by testing a different approach. “Dude, just... give me your straw.” “Uh, this one?” Mike took hold of your dick and took it out from the cup. Small droplets of cola were dripping from your balls. The air caressing your genitals made you felt exposed to the whole cafeteria. You felt like coming out from the cold water after a swim on the sea, the change in temperature becoming obvious to you. “Sure, I don’t mind. As long as you don’t use my saliva for some crazy voodoo ritual.” He joked and threw your genitals to your face. “Woah!” You could smell your cock and balls’ masculine essence. You unglued the reeking junk away from your face and immediately felt a yanking feeling on your crotch.

It took less than two seconds. One moment you were holding your own penis and balls, the very next moment you were holding an ordinary pink straw. Your cock and the piece of plastic had swapped places in an instant, interchanging their places faster than opposing magnets.

“Holy shit!” You exclaimed. The whole thing had been a surreal experience for you. Why had it happened? Was it an illusion? Was it over, or was this just the beginning?

The bell chimed, which meant lunch break was over and classes were about to resume. Students began to stood up and leave. “Tch, tch. Treasure your manhood while it lasts. The curse’s barely started.” You thought you just saw a very overweight shadow brushing against you and saying something under his breath, but when you turned around he was gone. Weird. You turned back to Mike and said your farewells. “See you later, Derek.” Mike smiled at you and you saw a few droplets of cola still dripping from his lips, all thanks to your dick. Still in a shock for what had just happened, you patted your crotch. Yes, your genitals were there. And they were hard as a rock and ready for more thanks to the blowjob Mike had just gave you. Oh, fuck, Mike was a natural born cocksucker!

[grrside]

Seven Flushes

Seven Flushes -a grrside story-

“That’s what happens when you talk shit about my Halloween costume, potty mouth!” The obese frog croaked with anger as he adjusted his robe, his penis still dripping urine from the foreskin.

Gee, you’d think the fat frog would’ve had some sense of humor. The only thing you had done to him was crack a few jokes about his goofy-looking Halloween costume in front of everybody at the party. Sure, maybe stepping on his fake magician’s robe on purpose so the fat fucker would tumble out of it had been a bit harsh, but if Ranito had been wearing underwear under those old rags he wouldn’t have ended up with nothing but a pointy straw hat to cover his shame.

But when the frog had called you over to the men’s bathroom for a little ‘talk’ you would’ve never guessed that his magic baton wasn’t a prop but the real deal. Before you could figure out where the toilet from the middle stall had disappeared to, you felt your entire body reshaping. Your skin became porcelain white and your mouth opened wide into an ‘O’ shape. Your body fused to your mouth and your limbs were rendered useless as they fused to the rest of your frame, your clothing coming apart. You tried to articulate a few curse words but your throat was being turned into a pipe that pumped water into your open mouth. It was strange, it was like producing lots of saliva but for some reason the water that came out felt extremely sensitive as if your tongue had dissolved into the water gifting you a new and completely alien sense of taste.

You saw a second pipe appear inside the stall, emerging from the ground like a very thick snake. The pipe grew rock hard and slithered towards you, dripping sewer water like a huge cock looking for an ass to fuck. Fearing the fate that awaited you, you turned around to run. Grave mistake. The pipe launched itself in search of the ripe anus to be connected to, and soon you felt it going up your rectum. You tried to struggle but the dominant pipe forced you into a sitting position right where the previous toilet had been sitting moments ago. Before long, the pipe on your mouth and the pipe on the floor were one and the same.

You didn’t need the frog to tell you what you had become, but he was about to show you anyway. With a wicked smile the frog removed his robe and let you take a closer look at his poorly-endowed dick and round yellow balls... Oh, wait. He isn’t just letting you see them up close, he’s actually letting his bladder go all over you.

You tried your hardest to scream as he showered you with a stream of stinking frog piss. To make things worse the fat fucker’s aim was piss-poor, the yellow urine splashing all over your porcelain body. But the worst was when the stream *did* hit you directly in the water inside your mouth... Yes, you could taste every little drop that splashed in your water, and the fucking frog was forcing a huge stream down your throat.

“Yeah... I hope you like piss and shit because that’s what you are now, one more dirty toilet in a pub’s male restroom...” He let the words sink in on you. Not like you could answer anyway.

The fat frog threw your shredded clothing into one of the trash cans and put his costume back on. He adjusted his robe, his penis still dripping urine from the foreskin, but before leaving he sighed reluctantly and left your sorry toilet self with a few parting words. “Just to let you know, the spell will be broken once your chain is pulled seven times. After all, I’m not a monster. Enjoy your next seven meals!” The frog croaked as a farewell and immediately after that the fat frog who had cursed you to become an inanimate object whose only purpose was to be urinated and excremented on was gone.

And he hadn’t flushed.

The bastard!

Your porcelain bowl self was now drenched in the fat frog’s piss. Not only was the nasty liquid in your throat disgusting as hell, but the frog had left your pitiful self unflushed knowing full well that you needed to have your chain pulled seven times in order to turn back!

If only you could pull your own chain somehow... Your chain was dangling right there next to your water tank but not matter how hard you tried to move your heavy porcelain body wouldn’t budge a single inch. So close, yet so far...

Your eyes and nose had been transformed into an inexpressive and completely unremarkable toilet seat, judging from your current point of view and the smelly and incredibly itchy drop of frog piss that was dripping right between your nostrils. You stared right into the wall in front of the stall you were enclosed in (not like you could do anything else) and noticed a small partly opened window in the upper part of the wall. This small window could have been a very welcome source of entertainment for an inanimate toilet if the restroom hadn’t been partially underground, because all you could see through it were shoes walking in and out of the pub.

“Help! Some lunatic turned me into a toilet!” You yelled as loudly as you could, but the people outside kept on with their own business. “Please! Someone help me!”

Suddenly the door to the restroom opened. For a few seconds, the loud music and the wild chatter of the Halloween party sneaked into the room. You could hear people chatting and laughing, completely oblivious to your current situation. Then the door closed again and everything went silent except two giggling voices.

“Damn, you look so fucking hot in that pirate costume.” A high-pitched voice said.

The two headed in. Once they entered the field of view of your stall, you took a good look at them.

“Heh, I’d travel the seven seas with you perched on my shoulder.” Said the much more gruffy-sounding middle-aged wolf. He was dressed in a pirate captain costume, complete with a fake peg leg and all.

“Teeheehee. Aww, you only say that because I’m a parrot.” The lispy young parrot’s costume was also pirate-themed, although it wasn’t nearly as detailed as the wolf’s. “To be frank I’d rather have my captain’s dick perched on my ass.” “Hey! Over there! You have to help me!” You cried out. “Some frog has... Yuck! Hey, get a room, you two!” You were surprised by the couple’s eagerness as they began french-kissing right in front of you. You weren’t used to seeing public displays of affection this close to you. Seemingly following your advice, the couple got a room... and that room was your stall. Then it dawned on you: to these two it wasn’t a public display of affection. As far as they were concerned, there wasn’t anyone else in the restroom.

You felt a pit down in your water tank. Even after your transformation, you still thought of yourself as a person, but for everyone else you were just a toilet. Nobody cares if a toilet is watching them.

“Listen! I’m not a toilet, I was cursed and I need you to pull my chain seven times!” You pleaded to them. But the couple apparently wasn’t able to hear you. They were too busy eating each other out to notice the inaudible water bubbles that you were creating in your mouth. “Fuck, I’m so hard.” Said the wolf, and he positioned the parrot’s wing on his crotch as if the bird needed evidence. The parrot rubbed the canine’s groin as if concluding that the evidence needed further examination. “Hey! HEY!” You kept pleading for attention to no avail. The parrot lowered the captain’s pants and holy shit, that thing was big! “Are you two deaf or something?!” The wolf whimpered in pleasure when the parrot’s small tongue caressed his most precious treasure. You presentiated impotently how the couple engaged in oral sex while you could do nothing but watch everything that happened in the small enclosure. Eventually the captain forced the bird’s pants down and looked hungrily at the tender booty he had attained. “Hey... What are you doing?!” The parrot exclaimed. “Isn’t it obvious?” Stated the wolf licking the bird’s asshole. “I’m gonna fuck your little bird hole real good...” The parrot however seemed uncomfortable about that. “...Did you bring the lube?” “Uh... I forgot...” The wolf blushed. “But it wouldn’t be the first time we fuck raw anyway...” “No way!” Protested the parrot. “Last time you almost teared my asshole off me with that thing!” He pointed accusingly at the ‘thing’, which apparently turned out to be the wolf’s schlong. “Seriously, if the only reason you wanted to come to this party was to fuck my hole in the restrooms you should’ve brought some lube!” “Well, that wasn’t my intention, but you made me so horny that... Well...” The wolf looked sadly at the parrot, who had put his pants back on already as you watched all the drama unfold. “I was about to cum... Just a little bit more and...” “No, bad doggy.” The parrot said bluntly. “But... But...!” The wolf looked at the bird with puppy eyes. “Hahaha, just kidding! You’re so adorable when you make that face! Sure, I’ll help you get rid of that misbehaving boner...” The parrot said and the wolf wagged his tail happily.

...You had no idea how to make head or tails of these kind of relationships. Seriously, they argued and reconciled in less than half a minute? “Okay, I’m glad for you two, but please, can you pay me attention for a moment?” You said. The wolf and the parrot turned towards you. “Thank you. So as I was saying, a frog turned me into this. Would you be so kind and pull my chain seven times?” The parrot hugged the wolf and jerked the hard canine cock with his wings. “Yeesh, are you even listening? Could you kept your sexual drives in check for a second?!” “Ughhh...” The wolf whimpered with delight and closed his eyes. Something was wrong. You were talking to them but they didn’t appear to understand you. Bit by bit, you had a certain suspicion that you had lost your ability to talk at all! “Shit... Shit!!!” You cried out when you realized this. How could you have been so naive to think that the frog would’ve let you retain your voice?! So then, the reason the wolf and the parrot had turned towards you was... “Ughhhhhh!!!!!” The wolf’s balls retracted and the parrot aimed directly into your bowl. “No...No...! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” A giant splurge of canine cum shoot right inside your wide-open mouth. The wolf seed tasted salty and utterly disgusting. Worse still, it floated around inside your tongue made of water. “Ohhhh...!” The wolf exclaimed from the depths of his afterglow. This couldn’t be happening, that wolf couldn’t have just used you as a receptacle for his semen...! “Hey... Aren’t you gonna repay the favor?” Said the parrot to his lover with a wink. Fuck.

You had to endure a second jack off session as the wolf semen remained inside your mouth... And a second splurge of semen, this time coming from inside the bird’s babymakers. The wolf hadn’t been nearly as careful when aiming his partner’s dick and some of the avian cum had impacted against your body and the floor. You wanted to cry tears of humiliation but your eyes remained as inanimate as before. “Don’t forget to flush.” Said the parrot as both men got cleaned up and ready to return to the party. Flush? YES! That meant that you’d be closer to returning to your normal self! The husky pirate wolf examined you all over. His eyes looked at the mixed splurge of cum floating around in frog piss in your mouth with a little hint of disgust. Geesh, if he’s disgusted looking at it he should imagine what it would feel to have that mess of bodily fluids in your mouth! Finally, the wolf grabbed your chain tightly with his paw. You would have let out a yelp if you could: for some reason your chain felt like it used to be a very sensitive part of your old body, although you couldn’t figure out which one. And then the wolf pulled it. “AAAAAAAAAAAARGHHHHHHH!” You cried out in pain. But what happened afterwards was worthy to belong in a nightmare.

You swallowed.

Yes, all the cum and piss went right through your throat until finally the pipe drained the fluids. You had never felt this disgusted in your whole life. It was so intense that you felt as if your tongue had been swallowed too, which is probably what had happened. Luckily (or unfortunately) your water tank was quick to replace your water tongue with a brand new one that felt just as sensitive as the old one, ready for your further usage and abuse. You wanted to throw up, but it was better if you didn’t lest you wanted the crap from the sewers spewing out from your throat. After coming back to your senses after that weird trip of awful emotions you noticed that the gay couple had exited the restroom already. Your body was still dirty with drops of piss and semen, but hey, your mouth tasted like pristine water now. That small sense of relief was short-lived however, because you then realized that you needed to repeat that exact same experience six more times. Oh shit, why did you have to prank that fat frog?! The green dude was just trying to enjoy the party like everyone else, there was no reason at all for you to publicly humiliate him. If you only had kept your potty mouth shut back then...! Now you were just a regular toilet for everyone! You wished your harsh punishment had ended, that the frog in a wizard costume would come through the door and say something along the lines of... “Well, it looks like you learned your lesson! You’re regretful of your actions and that’s what matters. I’ll undo the spell with my magic wand and you’ll be back to normal in a jiffy! I hope you’ll think twice before bullying anyone else again!”

Alas, that wasn’t what happened. You heard heavy steps approaching, but they didn’t belong to the frog who had cursed you. Instead, they belonged to an extremely overweight elephant. His policeman uniform barely fit him, the buttons on his shirt bursting at the seams. If you had been capable of speech you’d had felt relieved. You could have explained the whole situation to the officer and he’d done everything in his power to help you. But mute as you were, you wouldn’t feel any sense of relief at all. Most probably this obese elephant was the one going to relief himself on you. You cursed your powerlessness. As you feared, the elephant chose to come into your stall. His corpulent body was fidgeting, hands on his crotch trying desperately to unfast his belt. Now that you thought about it, what if the elephant’s uniform was actually a Halloween costume...? Hard to tell. Police officer or not he seemed to be drunk, he could barely stand upright and he had forgotten how his belt was supposed to work. The elephant danced around in the minuscule stall just for you until, miraculously, he managed to unfast his belt. “Ugh, finally!” Said the huge elephant. “I was afraid I’d go in my pants!” Yeah, because going inside your mouth was much better, your porcelain self thought. Then the cop dropped his pants and then his undies. You’d have gasped if you could. Holy shit, his buttocks were enormous! Those were the biggest orbs of man flesh that you had seen in your entire life! And those huge orbs were creeping closer and closer at your face... Wait... Why was he sitting instead of... OH SHIT! The giant buttocks spread apart, and from within, a huge anus let out a small fraction of the toxic gas contained inside right on your toilet seat face. Fuck, this couldn’t be happening! The elephant sat down on your mouth. The elephant’s “lower trunk” was enormous as well, the tip of his foreskin touching your water tongue. “Yikes! It’s cold!” The elephant yiped in surprise. “Ugh! It’s so wrinkly and salty... This is so freaking gross!” You thought as you tasted the schlong. Your toilet lid face could only stare at his huge crack. You couldn’t tell if not being able to see when his poop would go into your mouth was a curse or a blessing. You felt him pushing hard, but nothing would come out. His back and his groin started sweating profusely as he tried his best to defecate on you. You were so scared of what was about to happen that you’d be shaking if you weren’t immobile. However the elephant was just letting nature take its course. He was so unmoved by your suffering that he searched his pants for his cellphone and started browsing the web. For some reason his unawareness made you feel worse. He was about to take a dump right inside your throat and he was so nonchalant about it! What did he-

DUMP!

You felt a sudden weight on top of your tongue. And it was the most disgusting thing you had ever tasted. “Ahhhhh....Ahhhhh....AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” “Ugh! This is a big one!” The elephant said as he continued reading news articles on his phone. Hell, this was completely disgusting! The giant TURD was inside your mouth, your water tongue savoring the taste...! The weight grew heavier. Oh, FUCK! He hadn’t finished yet?! He pushed harder and sweated even more. Then left out a big sigh of relief. The elephant pocketed his phone and stood up. He turned around and when he saw you his mouth went wide open. “Hell, that looks like the biggest fat snake of a turd I’ve ever shat!” The elephant cried out when he saw the gross monster he had just gave birth to. “Ugh! It’s so fucking disgusting!”

The cop took a roll of toilet paper and started wiping his ugly crack.  In an impressive showcase of multitasking, he put his slimy trunk over your sensitive chain and pulled it forcefully. You felt the depths of your soul being devoured once again into the void. Your tongue started twirling and dancing along with its turd companion. With each twirl, your tongue impacted against the huge piece of excrement, forcing you to taste it once again over and over. It was a beautiful ballet with a nasty flavour. “Uh-oh...” The elephant realized something was wrong. He had flushed but his monumental turd was still inside your mouth. Your tongue turned brown in color, and instead of disappearing, your dirty water overflowed. “Fuck! I can’t deal with this now!” The elephant grabbed the handle of your chain with both hands and pulled it once more and, again, you felt your water overflowing. “C’mon you fucking toilet, do your work well!” He commanded as he pulled your handle with so much force that you felt a great deal of pain. You were going through a rollercoaster of emotions. The giant turd clogging your mouth, the elephant bad-mouthing you, your chain being mishandled... Your mind was about to break. It was too much! Please, make it all stop!

SNAP!

You felt yourself losing a very important part of you. You stared at the elephant and saw him holding the detached chain of a toilet. “Ahhh! That’s mine!” “Shit! I busted the thing!” The elephant looked at the chain without knowing what to do with it. He ran out of the stall to make sure nobody had heard him break it. “HEY! Don’t go! That’s very important to me! Give it back!” You thought. The elephant didn’t want to pay the repair bill, so he decided to hide the evidence. In a hurry he threw the chain through the small window on the wall. He then came towards you. You were overflowing with shit. And with no chain you felt like something was missing. The elephant solved this ugly problem in the most simple way possible: closing your toilet lid face. Suddenly the outside world ceased existing to your senses. In the darkness all you could feel, smell and taste was shit.

Shit, turd, poo, crap, excrement...

You could only think about the feces inside you for what seemed like forever. You nearly went insane. “Oh fuck! This must be what hell feels like!” You thought over and over, wondering if hell was even that horrible compared to this. It was hard to keep track of time, but the next time you saw light it was daytime already. You felt a great sense of euphoria. “Ohhh! Light! Fresh air! This feels amazing! I’ve never felt more grateful to see the light of day...!” The person who had lifted your lid was one of the cleaners that worked at the pub. He took a good long look at your contents and held his nose. “Yuck! Fucking disgusting!” And less than a second later he let your toilet lid face closed down again. “Ahhhh! No! Wait! Come back! Don’t leave me closed! I can’t breathe down here!” The cleaner used his phone right next to you to call a plumber but on the other side of the line they told him that the plumber wouldn’t be here until after the weekend.

Shit, turd, poo, crap, excrement, feces, cowpie...

The plumber finally came to fix you up the next Wednesday. You felt violated when he put his plunger down your throat but it was a small piece to pay to finally get rid of the elephant dung. The plumber took out a brand new chain from his bag and attached it to you. Finally you were a clean useable toilet again. After being pulled once by the gay couple and thrice by the elephant you just needed to have your chain pulled three more times.

When a monkey flushed after pissing and shitting on you while chewing gum, you were enthusiastic. Although you didn’t exactly appreciate when he placed the chewed gum on what used to be your right buttcheek. Not much later, a stag took a quick whiz on you and sneezed on a sheet of toilet paper and threw it on your tongue and flushed. Just one more time!

Finally, a hippo sat on you and jacked off while looking up porn on his phone. You were so ecstatic! Once he pulled your chain, you’ll be yourself again...! The man pulled your chain, cleaned himself up, and left.

You didn’t feel any different.

In fact, ever since you got your chain replaced you didn’t even feel that strange sense of intimate contact whenever they pulled your chain... What did that mean? Mmmm... Maybe the elephant only counted as one, because afterwards you got clogged up! You laughed inwardly at your stupidity.

But after being flushed two more times, you didn’t turn back. You thought you had miscalculated, but after being flushed countless times next weekend you still didn’t change back.

You had a certain troubling hunch about what had happened in the back of your mind. “When the frog said that my chain had to be pulled seven times, he meant that specific chain. And that chain is now lost somewhere on the streets. The probabilities of someone coming across that chain, figuring out what it is, returning it to this bar, to this male restroom and to the correct toilet is practically zero. I’m definitely going to be a toilet forever and ever.”

But whenever that thought came up you quickly suppressed it into the depths of your mind... Oh! Look! An equine just entered your stall and needs to piss like a racehorse! Maybe you’ll turn back after he flushes you! You looked at his equine dick eagerly for the impeding golden shower. You hated it with all your might, of course, but you always persevered. The hope of finally turning back, of this being the last time you’d be utterly degraded, was the only thing keeping you from going insane. That’s exactly why I thought you’d be the best victim out of everyone at the Halloween party: you looked so confident and stubborn when you bullied me that I figured your mind wouldn’t break five minutes after the transformation, ruining my fun. Damn, you sure made me cum a lot of times while I observed you, but I’m already getting bored of your dirty porcelain self. Nothing personal, it’s just that I already found someone else who’d make a better victim than you. Thanks for the memories anyway and have fun with your new life, potty mouth!

[grrside]

A Clockwork Life

-a grrside story-

I really liked my new house. It was big and spacious but at the same time it had that old-fashioned look and charm that made it really cozy. It had been really cheap as the previous owner had disappeared without a trace a long time ago and the best part was that it was already furnished.

And what exquisite pieces of furniture they were! There was a large vintage armchair in the living room placed next to the currently lit fireplace. It was nearly winter and I yearned for some warmth so I sat on the armchair as my gaze continued to admire my new home.

This antique rug, that cabinet, those paintings... I wondered how many years had they been on this house. I really liked antiquings, they were my passion and life work. I owned a small pawn shop that didn’t give me that much money but let me enjoy my time with my little ‘treasures’. My favorites were obviously the watches.

I liked all of them! Wristwatches, pocket watches, grandfather’s clocks... Anything to do with clockwork excited me. I took out my favorite pocket watch from my robe’s pocket and admired it. The backside was see-through, so you could see all the tiny gears working together without rest. It was a real shame that this house didn’t have any clocks. Mmm... Oh! Right next to that cabinet there was a nice spot for a grandfather’s clock. If there was one there then this living room would be much more than lovely, it would be perfect!

If only my wallet wasn’t completely dry... I gave a quick ironic chuckle regretting my low income. “Oh, how I’d trade my soul for a nice grandfather’s clock for this magnificent living room!” I declared to the heavens. “An excellent clockwork piece, gears always turning, always delighting my visitors with the tick and tock of an unceasing swinging pendulum!”

Oh! How much I wish those words hadn’t left my own throat. I never knew if whoever had heard my dumb wish had been God, the Devil or a mischievous spirit, as the next thing I knew my legs made me spring up of their own accord. My face was expressionless like I had been turned into a mere puppet that resembled myself. I couldn’t do nothing more other than wonder what kind of dark magic was being used to move my invisible strings.

I began to walk towards the vacant space on the living room, right next to the cabinet. As my legs ordered me to move, my hands decided to let my robe get undone and fall on the rug as they deemed the piece of clothing to be unnecessary. My body positioned itself so I was facing the whole living room in a rigid and emotionless expression like a guardian statue protecting the sanctity of the vintage decorations that surrounded me.

I had read some fables and legends in my youth. Thanks to those I had learned about werewolves, mythical man-beasts that were cursed to roam the Earth with two forms that were in constant struggle for dominance of one body.

Unlike in those tales, my skin didn’t grow inhuman fur. However, my skin did change textures. I tried desperately to touch my body to find out what was happening to it, but I could barely move the tips of my fingers. My eyes darted down but I couldn’t see any feeble human flesh, instead I could only see... wood?

I tried to scream and call for help but I was powerless to even do that. I could only pray for whoever was responsible for this to have mercy on this poor man. I pondered with utmost fear what had happened to me. I wanted to know why I had been punished like this. I wanted to know why I couldn’t move. I wanted to know what horrible transfiguration I had gone through. Or maybe... it would be better if I never knew?

Just then, I heard a sound. It was constant, predictable, comforting. And I realized it was coming from me.

“Tick... Tock...”

What was this?

“Tick... Tock...”

Was it my own heartbeat? No, it was something much more intrincated than some lowly bodily function. I could feel it. My inner gears were grinding for a purpose. I had to keep this sound alive.

“Tick... Tock... Tick... Tock...”

My body felt no need for anything else. It only yearned to keep making this sound. My mind, however, was horrified. I had lots to look forward in life. I couldn’t just stand there for the rest of my existence. But it was hard for me to think, I had to keep making the sound or else I felt like I would be as good as dead.

“Tick... Tock... Tick... Tock...”

Someone... Someone had to come here eventually, right? They’d wonder where I had disappeared to without a trace. How... How long would it take for someone to realize my absence...? Oh, I know... I’ll find out for sure if I count the seconds until someone rescues me... “Tick... Tock... Tick... Tock... Tick... Tock... Tick... Tock...”

(Alternative version of the story follows)

A Painful Clockwork Life

-a grrside story-

I really liked my new house. It was big and spacious but at the same time it had that old-fashioned look and charm that made it really cozy. It had been really cheap as the previous owner had disappeared without a trace a long time ago and the best part was that it was already furnished.

And what exquisite pieces of furniture they were! There was a large vintage armchair in the living room placed next to the currently lit fireplace. It was nearly winter and I yearned for some warmth so I sat on the armchair as my gaze continued to admire my new home.

This antique rug, that cabinet, those paintings... I wondered how many years had they been on this house. I really liked antiquings, they were my passion and life work. I owned a small pawn shop that didn’t give me that much money but let me enjoy my time with my little ‘treasures’. My favorites were obviously the watches.

I liked all of them! Wristwatches, pocket watches, grandfather’s clocks... Anything to do with clockwork excited me. I took out my favorite pocket watch from my robe’s pocket and admired it. The backside was see-through, so you could see all the tiny gears working together without rest. It was a real shame that this house didn’t have any clocks. Mmm... Oh! Right next to that cabinet there was a nice spot for a grandfather’s clock. If there was one there then this living room would be much more than lovely, it would be perfect!

If only my wallet wasn’t completely dry... I gave a quick ironic chuckle regretting my low income. “Oh, how I’d trade my soul for a nice grandfather’s clock for this magnificent living room!” I declared to the heavens. “An excellent clockwork piece, gears always turning, always delighting my visitors with the tick and tock of an unceasing swinging pendulum!”

Oh! How much I wish those words hadn’t left my own throat. I never knew if whoever had heard my dumb wish had been God, the Devil or a mischievous spirit, as the next thing I knew my legs made me spring up of their own accord. My face was expressionless like I had been turned into a mere puppet that resembled myself. I couldn’t do nothing more other than wonder what kind of dark magic was being used to move my invisible strings.

I began to walk towards the vacant space on the living room, right next to the cabinet. As my legs ordered me to move, my hands decided to let my robe get undone and fall on the rug as they deemed the piece of clothing to be unnecessary. My naked body positioned itself so I was facing the whole living room in a rigid and emotionless expression like a guardian statue protecting the sanctity of the vintage decorations that surrounded me.

I had read some fables and legends in my youth. Thanks to those I had learned about werewolves, mythical man-beasts that were cursed to roam the Earth with two forms that were in constant struggle for dominance of one body.

Unlike in those tales, my skin didn’t grow inhuman fur. However, my skin did change textures. I tried desperately to touch my body to find out what was happening to it, but I could barely move the tips of my fingers. My eyes darted down but I couldn’t see any feeble human flesh, instead I could only see... wood?

I tried to scream and call for help but I was powerless to even do that. I could only pray for whoever was responsible for this to have mercy on this poor man. I pondered with utmost fear what had happened to me. I wanted to know why I had been punished like this. I wanted to know why I couldn’t move. I wanted to know what horrible transfiguration I had gone through. Or maybe... it would be better if I never knew? Because who knows what sort of fate- AWWRGHHH!

My train of thought was suddenly interrupted by a huge hit to my balls! What the hell was- ARRRRGHH!!!

It made no sense! There was nobody there, why were my balls hurting so much- OWWWW!

Oh, god, my healthy and virgin babymakers, who was turturing them like this?! OUCH!!!

ARRRGHH!!

OWWW!!!

OUCH!!!

OWW!!!!

OUCH!!!

Please, someone, make it stop! OWWWW!!! My testicles were taking a constant beating and  as ridiculous that it may sound, there was a certain pattern to the pain. OUCH!!!

It didn’t take me long to realize that my balls were the ones hitting themselves against my own body. And the worst part is that my body was made of hard wood now. Because that was what I had turned into: a wooden and heavy grandfather’s clock, just like I had wished for. And my eternally-swinging pendulum was my ballsack. OWWWWWW!!!!

Is this... Is this the fate of everyone who lived in this house? Even if every single piece of furniture on this cursed house is a transformed human being, I’m surely the one who’s got the short end of the stick! OUCH!!!!

The pain... Someone make it stop... OWWW!!!

Even if someone came over, would they notice me? To everyone else I must look like a regular grandfather’s clock. Unless you had some sort of magical glasses to see how my true human form is currently twisted in a horrific and painful way, you’d never know that the big heavy swinging pendulum are my balls! OUCH!!!!

Every second meant great pain for me... How many hours or even days would it take until someone finds me, if anybody finds me at all?!

OWWW!! OUCH!!! OWWW!!! OUCH!!! OWWW!! OUCH!!! OWWW!!! OUCH!!!

[grrside]

Poker Face

It is said that television causes everything to appear bigger than it actually is, but Sir Flowless Fluke’s mansion was so incredulously enormous that not even a 200-inch 8K television set could do it justice. Richard was mesmerized by its extravagant size and luxurious yet completely useless decorations when he arrived. To give one example, there was a giant gold statue of a duck on the entrance hall. And while Richard didn’t doubt for a second that a statue made of gold was extremely valuable he had no idea what the duck was supposed to represent. Probably Sir Fluke didn’t know either, he’d probably just won it in one of his betting games or something.

Actually, even though he had a “Sir” before his name Flowless Fluke wasn’t born in the noblesse nor was he the son of a prestigious celebrity. In fact, he would never been able to amass such a fortune by himself as he was no entrepreneur and didn’t want to become one. But Sir Fluke had been gifted with two very special abilities.  The less interesting one of the two was that he always got dealt with the cards that he wanted. Literally. So obviously he’d never lost at Texas Hold’em in his entire life. Winning all the rounds was a breeze: to win at poker you need both luck and a straight face in equal parts, but if you have this flawless luck then it’s surprisingly easy to keep your calm during the game.

That’s how Sir Flowless Fluke got immensely rich, it had been all thanks to the betting scene. Lots of people, including Richard, doubted this so-called “perfect luck” of his was real. Sir Fluke was aware of this fact and even took advantage of it, challenging any non-believers to travel to his mansion and try to beat him in a game of Texas Hold’em... As long as they had something interesting to bid, of course. Apparently the golden duck statue was one of his latest “acquisitions”.

The mansion had its own private poker palace where the betting games were held and its luxurious ancient Greek-style design would have left most of the casinos in Las Vegas in shame. When Richard arrived a tall man dressed in a black suit led him around and sat him on one of the tables, the one at the center of the room, and told him that the “Sir” would be here in just a few moments. Richard left his briefcase on the floor and looked around, he doubted any of the other tables were ever used. They were here just for show, to give the place a proper casino feel.

There were cameras placed all over the room, set to broadcast Fluke’s victories for his own reality show. When Richard spotted them he got a little nervous. If he were to fail his failure would not only be seen by the live studio audience, it’d be broadcasted for all the world to see which would be very embarrassing to say the least.

“(But that would be the least of my problems)” He thought. “(I would lose my firm and all of my years of research would have been completely worthless.)” He began to reminisce about his first meeting with Sir Fluke a few days ago…

“So... *Doctor* Richard Ivory?”, asked Flowless Fluke to the old man on comfy leather seat. “I have nothing against doc’s, but I doubt you have anything worth my time.”

Sir Fluke was, for the lack of a better term, handsome. He was in his mid-twenties and his curly shoulder-length hair was shiny and golden colored as if the bastard didn’t own enough gold in his life already. He wasn’t afraid to show the world that he was a multimillionaire: he always wore clothes handcrafted by famous fashion designers and abundant jewelry. Even the hairpins that decorated his silky hair had precious stones on them.

“But I already told you... The prototype is worth $3.6 million alone…Besides, our firm could really do with the publicity… Our investors are threatening us with closing down our operations and even…”

“I’ll raise the bet.” Said Sir Fluke matter-of-factly, already getting into his gaming mood.

The doctor didn’t know how to respond. “Uh? I beg your pardon?”

“I don’t want a measly prototype that won’t even work. I want your entire research firm.”

“Ah...I see. ” Answered Richard. “Wait...WHAT?! But why?!”

“I’m already the CEO of fourteen enterprises, one more couldn’t hurt.” Said Sir Fluke as if he was talking about his stamp collection.

“That’s completely crazy!... Yet if I don’t...We’ll go bankrupt in two months…”

“Besides, I’m already doing you a favor by accepting to play against your toy. It’ll make my reality show lose some of its... credibility. It ain’t a Sci-Fi show, you know?”

Richard had enough with this smug bastard’s attitude, he wanted to show him the prototype wasn’t a “toy”. So in the heat of the moment, he saw the bastard’s bet…

…And now he was lamenting his decision. Sure, the prototype was in a very advanced stage, but it wasn’t designed to actually play card games! For fuck’s sake, it was being originally developed to use in hospitals and schools for children with special needs! If the government had accepted to fund the project it would have been a great contribution to society, but no dice. It all had came down to this outrageous bet. Richard sighed.

The door slammed open, and Sir Flowless Fluke entered the mock-casino in all of his glory, wearing a flashy outfit and purple-tinted glasses.

“Are you ready to lose to the great…Ahh… ACHOOOOO!” Sir Flowless Fluke held his breath and pointed with his finger to one flower pots placed at the side of the entrance. “Who the hell put that thing in here?! I’m allergic to these!... Fuck! The incompetence, really! If we had been live my reputation would have been ruined with that humiliating sneeze...”

Two maids quickly entered the room and replaced the ‘faulty’ flower pot. When they were gone, a guy from the camera crew signaled ‘OK’ with his fingers and Fluke sat at the other end of the table where Richard was sweating profusely.

“You try anything funny during the live broadcast and I’ll sue the shit outta you.” Fluke warned Richard. The doctor gulped.

“Going live in 3, 2...”

Fluke looked straight at the camera and suddenly his face lost all traces of arrogance. He welcomed the audience to a new episode of his reality show. He spoke calmly and with education. He began with a recap of the previous week show, and reminded the viewers that they could rewatch them any time on his website or in any of the 30 over-the-air channels that he owned.

“Hey good to see you again doc, my old pal. So... Where’s my adversary?”

Richard was somewhat taken aback by the rich man’s personality change, but he remained calm. “It’s right here.” He said as he picked up the heavy briefcase on the floor. He put it on top of the table and input a passcode on a digital keypad. Sir Fluke was surprised when he saw the briefcase open by itself and what looked like a human skull pop out from it.

“Well, this is a prototype after all.” Said Richard when everyone looked at the grim object with startled eyes. “Our designers are working on various models with fluffy skins, for example the other day my colleagues showed me a teddy bear design that looked very cute, children will love them...” He unsuccessfully tried to defend his product.

Red lights emanated from the skull’s eyes. Its internal scanner was analyzing the whole room until it found the nearest face. Its eyes locked on Sir Fluke’s.

“Woah, that’s the creepiest thing I’ve ever seen!” The rich guy exclaimed losing his composure. “What the hell is it doing? Are those X-rays? Is it going to try to cheat by scanning my cards?”

“Of course not. This baby is only designed to recognize emotional responses.” Said Richard petting the back of the deadly silver-colored skull as if it were a pet.

The Emote-Me (working title) is capable of analyzing even the slightest emotional outputs. It was originally developed for autism research, but Richard and his team had added the Texas Hold’em ruleset to its database for the purpose of this game.

“Heh. Mankind versus technology. The inevitable war.” Said Fluke to himself. “I can already tell this is going to be a very interesting game.”

A middle aged guy from the TV crew waved a “cheer” sign to the studio audience, who did just that. The game was on!

“...Okay...Your little toy has guts, I give you that.” Admitted Fluke. The game had been going for twenty minutes already. The croupier had dealt the cards Fluke precisely needed, just like always. But the Emote-Me was predicting his every move.

“YOUR EYES DARTED AROUND FOR HALF A MILLISECOND.” Said the mechanical and emotionless voice. “I’M IN.”

“YOUR LIPS TWISTED TWO DEGREES. I’M OUT.” The robotic skull declared.

“YOUR NOSE TWITCHED. I RAISE THE BET.”

Bluffing to this machine just wasn’t possible.

It was around the 30 minute mark and both players, the rich man and the creepy robot skull, still had most of their initial stake in chips. Most of Fluke’s other matches were over in less than 10 minutes. Fluke was actually getting a little exhausted and yawned as the croupier dealt the river.

“FULL HOUSE. I WIN THIS ROUND.”

“What the fuck?!” Shouted the rich man in an outroar. “That wasn’t fair! I wasn’t really paying attention!”

The nervousness Richard had been feeling at the start of the game had vanished. This was going to go much more smoothly than he thought.

Fluke’s dignity had been stained. The rich man wanted to punch the emotionless robot in the face. He wasn’t gonna let himself be humiliated on his own TV show this easily.

Then the proverbial light bulb shined on top of Fluke’s head. He had a brilliant idea, he was going to win Richard at his own game.

The glamorous man wasn’t bluffing when he said he was the CEO of fourteen different companies. He made a quick call to one of them during one of the commercial breaks and by the next round Fluke had on his hands a glass vessel connected by a tube to what looked to be a gas mask.

Richard was dumbfounded. “What the...? I thought I was the only one who was going to use a device during the match!”

Fluke waved his finger. “I raise the bet. My technology against yours. If I lose, you get three of my fourteen companies. If I win, apart from losing your firm you’ll become my personal servant at my mansion.” He gave out a chuckle. “That way you won’t go into unemployment after I’m finished kicking your ass. Heh... I’m so charitable.”

Richard was too deep in the game to back off now. “...I see your bet.”

“Heh! I’ll look forward to see your dorkface cleaning my toilet every morning.”

The next round started and before long Fluke removed his purple glasses and put on the gas mask before the cards were dealt.

“Heh, foolish of him.” Thought Richard. “The Emote-Me’s scanners can see facial expressions through solid objects... That gas mask won’t give him any advantage at all!”

But the next thing that happened took Richard by surprise. Fluke pressed a button on the glass vessel and the gas mask, or rather suction mask, began vibrating. A fleshy gooey liquid started flowing through the tube and filled the glass vessel a little bit.

“What the hell is that machine doing...?” Wondered Richard.

The face mask stopped vibrating and when Fluke removed it from his face, the audience gasped. One of the elders fainted. Richard wondered what the fuss was all about until Fluke turned to face him.

“Love my new poker face, Richard?” Flowless Fluke said.

Fluke’s face was blank. It no longer had eyes, eyebrows, nose, or lips. His head was a fleshy mass of featureless skin adorned with a crown of golden hair. His voice came from a rigid, lipless mouth completely stuck on a grinning position.

“Holy shit...” Richard felt a sudden urge to puke out his breakfast when confronted by this sight. “(I expected Fluke wouldn’t go down without a bang... But this is too much!)”

Fluke breathed through his lipless mouth and put on his purple glasses over his blank featureless face. “Hehehe, didn’t expect that, didn’t you? This little beauty can painlessly detach, compress and liquify flesh and organs until they are needed. Quite a medical breakthrough, don’t you think?”

Richard wondered what was the medical finality of a machine with capabilities like those.

The croupier was creeped out by the living monster, but he dealt the next cards regardless. Without eyeballs, Fluke was obviously blind. So he had the assistant in the suit whisper into his ear what cards he was holding on his hands and which ones were being placed on the table.

The skull scanned the blank face in front of it, but it didn’t find any facial expressions. The robot turned to Richard, unable to find anyone else on the table.

Richard was panicking. “Damn, maybe if I adjust its expression threshold...” The doctor pulled out his smartphone and adjusted his robot’s settings.

“Yes! It appears to be working!” The doctor yelled as the robot turned towards Fluke once again.

“So it knows I’m here. Duh.” Fluke mocked.  “Not like it will be able to detect my emotions without any facial features. I have a real poker face. Hahaha!”

However, after a while...

“THE CHEEKS ON YOUR FACE TURNED SLIGHTLY REDDER. I RAISE.”

“The fuck?!” Cried the rich man. “Well, if that’s how you wanna play, I’ll raise the stakes as well!”

Fluke put on the mask once again, but this time on top of his head. The glass vessel got filled with the hair from Fluke’s head and more gooey flesh. Then the rich man removed the mask.

If Fluke looked freakish before, now it looked even more inhuman. The top half of his head had been removed. On top of his shoulders there was no head at all, there was only a bare neck with a small talking hole on top of it remained.

“Don’t worry about my brain.” Said the rich man to his fans. “This machine has compressed it without affecting its performance.”

“(This guy is a real monster!)” Thought Richard. “(He’ll do anything to win!)”

“So, Mr. Skull Face. How are you going to analyze me without a head at all?! I have the ultimate poker face of all right now: no face at all! Hahahaha!” Fluke laughed like a maniac through the hole on his neck.

The robot didn’t flinch with his answer. “YOU SHOWED A NERVOUS TWITCH ON YOUR LEFT ARM. I RAISE.”

“What?!” Fluke shrieked.

“That’s right. The Emote-Me can also recognize body language.” Richard explained. “Body language is very important as a social-”

“FUCK YOU!" The man without a head yelled. “Fuck you and your piece of shit robot! I have flawless luck! I’m not afraid to prove it!” Fluke grabbed the suction mask and put his left hand on it.

“There’s no need to keep going with this!” Said Richard. Fluke already looked too grotesque. If he were to keep on using his compression machine, he’d...

“Seriously, just give up!” Richard pleaded. “Don’t do this to yourself!”

But Fluke wasn’t paying attention. He just wanted to humiliate the damn robot. He didn’t care if he had to sacrifice his own body parts for it.

The left arm of Fluke’s shirt now hung limply. The rich celebrity’s limb now part of the fleshy goo floating inside the crystal container. It looked like a lava lamp made of human flesh and bone.

Fluke whispered something to his butler. The assistant’s eyes widened when he heard his sir’s request. “Are you completely sure?”

“Yes.” Fluke answered.

The assistant seemed hesitant. But he knew better than to disobey the sir’s orders. So he took hold of the suction cup and put it on Fluke’s right hand.

Richard couldn’t believe it. This dude was completely nuts! Who’d go for the trouble of losing both of his arms just to win a bet?! Was it honor? Or was it pure madness?

“Off with my legs, too.” Fluke ordered to everyone’s shock.

Fluke’s butler first removed his master’s shoes and socks. Then he removed Fluke’s designer pants. The audience and the cameras took a good glance at Fluke’s turquoise-colored briefs which were busy hugging a very impressive bulge.

The butler took hold of the suction cup and pressed it hard against Fluke’s foot. The flesh melted away into goo and soon enough the only limb that remained on Fluke was his right leg.

But of course, his right leg was quick to go as well. When the butler finished, Fluke’s underwear had nothing filling its holes but smooth flesh.

The crystal container was now almost full with Fluke’s melted flesh.

Fluke’s limbless body almost fell of the chair. The butler quickly hurried behind it and kept the human torso dressed with an expensive shirt and brightly colored underwear sitting still.

“C’mon! Give me your best shot! I have no face, no head, and not a single limb on me! It’s impossible that you can read my thoughts like this!”

Richard was completely flabbergasted. So was the crew and the worldwide audience.

“Hahaha! C’mon, piece of junk!” Fluke mocked the robot, twisting his torso around in glee. He was excited for being finally able to win the bet.

The silver skull looked at the strange lifeform in front of it and tried its best to analyze it.

However, Fluke was so excited and beside himself that he didn’t notice that his underwear, with no limbs to keep it in place, got loosened up and fell down to the floor, leaving his golden-haired crotch area exposed for everyone.

“YOUR GENITALIA IS BECOMING ERECT. I RAISE.” The robot proclaimed.

A great silence filled the room. Fluke’s torso froze in place, its pose still in the middle of a tiny victory dance. Millions of viewers all over the world were left with their mouths hanging open.

“...Off with my penis, too.” Fluke ordered showing a hint of defeat in his voice.

“But sir...!” The butler said. “...Wouldn’t the ratings board object to such a scene?”

“I own the ratings board, you silly fuck. Now get to it. And do it fast!”

The butler grabbed the suction cup with his left hand and stared at his sir’s cock.

“Do it!” Fluke firmly repeated his order. “And doc, don’t even think about walking away. I want you to see how I publicly humiliate your shitty robot all over the world!”

Richard thought that having your own genitals emasculated during a live TV broadcast was the very definition of public humiliation but the monster formerly known as Flowless Fluke sounded so menacing that the doctor didn’t dare to mutter a comeback.

Unfortunately for Fluke, his enormous erection didn’t seem to go down. The torso cried out a shriek when his trusty butler took hold of his huge boner with a tight grip.

“Are you sure, sir?” The butler said coldly as his left hand squeezed the only proper head remaining on the the torso’s body.

“O-of course! Just do it already!” Fluke tried his best to sound confident.

The butler didn’t show any emotion, he just pressed the cup tightly on Fluke’s huge erected cock and balls. The machine began to vibrate and Fluke moaned in a mixture of fear and pleasure as his lifelong best friend was melted away into nothing.

The goo container was now full with Fluke’s body parts. “O-okay...” Fluke’s voice was quivering. “That’s it, there’s no more. There’s absolutely no way you can read my mind now! Heh...Heheheheh!” Fluke proclaimed. His crotch was still hairy, but there was no trace of his cock or his balls. There was only a sweaty smooth patch of flesh instead of his maleness.

It was a pitiful sight. Where once stood a man now stood a designer suit barely covering a human torso. Could you even call something like that a human being? Fluke’s mind was losing its sanity and his silly sense of pride was fully at fault.

And still, the robot didn’t show any compassion when it said: “YOUR SKIN IS SEGREGATING A HUGE AMOUNT OF SWEAT. YOUR VOICE IS STUTTERING. I RISE.”

The torso screamed in utter frustration.

“FUCK YOU YOU FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT! That’s it! I’m all-in!”

Fluke whispered his last orders to his butler.

“But...!” The butler cried out in surprise when he heard the order.

“Do it, fucker! Or do you want me to cancel your holiday trip to Hawaii?!”

He didn’t agree with the idea at all but the butler was paid to obey orders, not question them. The huge man in a black suit grabbed the suction cup one last time.

“No, please, stop!” Richard yelled. “I give up, you win! I don’t care anymore!”

“This is not about you, dorkface!” The torso without a face protested. “This is between the piece of scrap metal and me! I’d rather do this than lose my streak record and live with shame for the rest of my life! I’ll show you all what I’m truly capable of!”

The butler grabbed his amputated master and placed it on top of the betting table. He first unbuttoned the torso’s designer shirt and removed it, leaving Fluke’s golden and curly chest hair and abdomen exposed to everyone. It was not unlike removing the wrapper of a processed piece of meat from the supermarket you were about to slice away into tiny pieces.

The butler began the process by suctioning the neck, leaving the creature unable to speak anymore. Before his mouth-hole was sucked away, Fluke muttered his last words to himself: “Fuck you, everyone.”

Then the butler continued by suctioning the torso bit by bit.  His hairy chest disappeared breast by breast, all skin, bones and organs that were in the way disappearing. Gone was his heart, his lungs, his buttocks, his pancreas, his navel, his liver,, his small intestine, his stomach... Soon it had all been melted away into goo.

Drying the sweat off from his face and feeling strangely pleased by his handiwork, the butler stood away from his master and let everyone take a closer look at what remained of Flowless Fluke.

“There’s nothing left!” Richard exclaimed. “He’s... gone!”

The butler looked disappointed at the doctor. “I think you should take a closer look.”

Richard blinked a few times. There wasn’t anyone in front of him...! Wait, what was that? He had to take out his glasses in order to finally see the thing on top of the table.

“It’s... a piece of red string?” Richard hadn’t ever seen anything like it. “No, wait, it’s thick like a huge tube and... it’s breathing?!”

The fleshy reddish brown thing became untangled and spasmed over the table. It was moving and jerking itself around like a red snake. It didn’t look like just a huge red tube, however. At one end there was a hole. At the opposite end it had a small tail that dangled freely. Its middle body was irregular and full of small bumps on its skin.

“That’s... That’s Fluke...?” Exclaimed Richard in genuine awe. The creature was bizarre and surreal but it was extremely disgusting-looking for some reason.

The red snake slithered over the table. It was a blind creature trying to find its way in the world. The doctor still couldn’t believe the thing was Fluke, the eccentric millionaire.

The butler grabbed the reddish snake and carefully placed near its cards in a way that its hole was directly looking at Richard.

The mysterious, maybe even kind of majestic, sentient creature glanced directly into Richard’s eyes. All cameras and mics were pointed at Fluke, expecting his first words as a newfound lifeform. Fluke’s hole pried itself wide open and said:

“Poot.”

“Uh?” Richard was dumbstruck. It sounded (and smelled!) like a fart. Why would an alien creature like this make such a sound?

“Sir Fluke is ready to challenge its opponent.” The butler announced. Everyone looked confused. “Oh, I should explain. A dry poot means ‘yes’. Two in quick succession mean ‘no’.”

“But... I still don’t understand. Why is this fascinating creature communicating with farts?”

The butler looked at the doctor with a confused look. “I thought you were a doctor? This is no creature. It’s Flowless Fluke’s large intestine.”

Richard’s mouth was left hanging low. Gasps and puking sounds could be heard coming from the live audience.

“It’s also known as large bowel or colon. This hole is Fluke’s anus, this over here is his rectum... Oh, and this little thing?” He said pointing at the small tail in the other end that the colon shaked around like he was a rattlesnake. “That’s his appendix.”

Sir Fluke had been gifted with two very special abilities. The less interesting one of the two was that he always got dealt with the cards that he wanted. But much more interesting was his ability to fart on command at all times. Back in college Fluke had been the life of the parties thanks to his farting abilities but now that he had become an international superstar his buttcheeks had been mostly silent over the years.

The robot skull scanned the area but as it couldn’t find any sort of human rival it refused to play its cards. The butler however thought up a solution for this. He placed Flowless Fluke’s purple glasses above the colon’s rectum and the robot assumed the glasses were being worn by a human being.

The poker game between the robot and the colon wearing purple glasses resumed. The croupier dealt the next cards and the colon farted once.

“He’s in.” Said the butler.

The cameras turned over to the robot, which was still processing his next move.

“ERROR: EMOTIONAL STATE NOT FOUND. DEFAULTING TO RANDOM ACTIONS... I’M IN.”

The colon farted with glee. The butler revealed the colon’s cards and there were two aces. The robot had a pair of fives. Richard didn’t even need to look at the croupier’s hand to see who had won this round.

Richard couldn’t believe it. It had cost Fluke a lot of dignity but Richard’s robot was losing. It was over. The robot wasn’t programmed to analyze farts and literal bowel movements!

After a few rounds the robot had practically lost all of its money.

“ERROR: EMOTIONAL STATE NOT FOUND. DEFAULTING TO RANDOM ACTIONS... I’M ALL-IN.”

“What?! All-in?! But Fluke’s hand is obviously...!” Richard protested to no avail as the robot handed over all of its remaining chips.

“No! How could I lose to something like that?!” The doctor screamed pointing at the pile of bowels on the table.

That was it. Richard had lost. He was flabbergasted. He shouldn’t had accepted this bet.

The sentient colon danced and farted all over the place in excitement. Richard looked at Fluke’s victory dance with teary eyes.

Fluke’s show ended soon after. The colon motioned for his butler to reverse the compression process. It was yearning to be able to say ‘I told you I’d win, motherfucker’ to Richard with his human voice.

The butler programmed the compression machine to operate in reverse mode. He put the suction cup over the colon’s anus and activated it...

...But nothing happened.

Fluke farted with confusion. Why weren’t his melted body parts coming back?

“Uh... Sir?” His butler said after returning from a short absence.

The colon farted once.

“I’ve been checking the recordings from the show and I’m afraid I have some bad news to report.”

It farted once more, wanting to get over it real fast and recover his human body.

“...Er... Well... There appeared a crack on the container containing your melted human parts.”

Fluke gave a quick fart. As if saying, “And so?”. He really wanted his body parts back. He didn’t care about a tiny dent on a crystal container.

“...And well, the crack seemed to appear a few rounds ago, back when I finished compressing your legs. Apparently the container was almost completely filled up back then. Funny thing is, yet another crack appeared when I compressed your cock and balls.”

The colon’s anus stared at the butler with a confused look.

“...Oh! And you’re really going to laugh at this, but when I compressed your left breast, a *third* crack appeared on its surface! And when about when I finished compressing your right nipple, that’s about when a *fourth* crack appeared! Hahaha...”

The colon farted deeply. “Get to the point.” It was saying.

“Well... Right about when the fifth crack appeared, the container kind of... exploded.” The butler explained. “Bam!” He gestured with his hands even though he knew Fluke was blind. “Apparently it was over-capacity and... Well... Your liquefied body parts may kind of have been absorbed by the carpet... Then the cleaning drone came and cleaned it all up mistaking it for a spilled drink... And the drone’s contents have already been flushed down the toilet.”

Fluke’s anus was wide open. He expected his butler to say that it was all a joke, but as much as he waited, the butler didn’t say any punchline.

“Your body is... gone.”

“Poot-poot!” The colon screamed. “Poot-poot! Poot-poot! POOT-POOT!”

Richard was about to leave the majestic mansion. He opened the door of his car and got seated but he wasn’t able to turn the ignition on.

He was dead inside.

The doctor couldn’t believe all his years of research had been taken away like that. He imagined Fluke, surely his human self once more, laughing at his expense. Who knows what the bastard would do with his recently-acquisited research firm.

Just then, he heard a knock on the car window. It was the butler in a black suit from before. He lowered the window.

“What is it?” Richard asked.

“I’m off to Hawaii!” The butler said with a wide smile.

“...Uh?”

“And I’m thinking about turning it into a one way trip. Being practically an eccentric multi millionaire's slave is so very tiring!... Which reminds me, you do remember that you agreed to be Sir Flowless Fluke’s personal assistant if you lost the bet, don’t you?”

Richard’s head limped down in defeat. “Yeah, I do.”

“Then here, he’s all yours.” The butler opened his jacket and from it he took out a very familiar-looking colon.

“...What the fuck?!” Richard screamed when he felt the fleshy colon being dumped on him.

“Poot-poot! Poot-poot!” The colon farted in disagreement with the whole situation.

Richard glanced at the butler, but when he did the butler was already heading off into the distance.

“Take good care of the sir! But take note, he’s not potty-trained!”

[grrside]

Outside Too

(Sequel to Outside)

Outside Too -a grrside story-

Hmm? You, a human, want to hear my story? Heh. That’s quite unusual coming from a shaved ape like you. You look so insufferably pitiful that I would be glad to give you that satisfaction.

I’ve been a stray cat for as long as I can remember. An ugly cat with black fur and no pedigree? No wonder not a single one of you smelly humans wanted to adopt me as a kitten. Not like I care. As a cat, the whole universe is my oyster. In fact, you may refer to me as Mr. Universe. Classy name, uh? Much better than any name you humans can come up with for the furry slaves you refer to as ‘pets’.

This story began, believe it or not, with a tiny chihuahua. Yes, of all the creatures on Earth it all had began with a fucking dog. Those nasty ass-lickers always got on my nerves. That battle scar I have on my right eye? A fucking dog’s fault. But that’s a story for another time. So anyway, I caught sight of this pathetic ass-licker wagging his tail and rolling over. He was imprisoned inside a walled garden. He looked so fucking dumb that I just had to tease him.

I stared at him intensely, like only us cats can do, telling him how fucking stupid he looked trapped there on the side of the fence. When the chihuahua realized my graceful presence he began to cry out a high-pitched bark.

I licked my paws. Then I glanced at him some more just for giggles. The ass-licker wouldn’t shut up. He looked so miserable. He couldn’t do anything to me without help from his human owner. Ha, so pathetic.

I turned around and showed him my anus and my gently swaying feline testicles. His barking got much more intense. C’mon, little ass-licker. You’re inside and I’m outside. There’s nothing you can do.

The chihuahua growled and barked. He showed me his teeth, as if threatening to shred my feline genitals to bits if I kept the gig up. I could only chuckle to myself faced with such a groundless threat.

But to my surprise, the main door of the human house opened and a old man came into the front yard. “What is it Peppy? There’s nobody there...” Heh, what a silly name for a silly mutt. The old man opened the garden door, trying to show the ass-licker that there were no strangers there. Then the human saw me. “Yuck, black cats bring bad luck! Get out of here! Shoo-shoo!”

The human was about to close the door but it was too late. The little chihuahua sprang through the door like a bullet, its small body acting like a guided missile headed directly into my asshole.

Crap! I took off running scared like hell. That bastard sure had a lot of energy inside that small body of his! Was it rabies or something?

I didn’t look my best during that pursuit. It had been a long time since I last had eaten and it showed in the lack of gracefulness in my sprint. If I had been in half of my usual condition I could have outpaced the small dog easily, but regrettably that wasn’t the case.

In my escape through the neighborhood I came across a smaller house without a fence. But the lack of a fence wasn’t what caught my interest. What really caught my attention was that one of the windows was wide open. Climbing the window was easy-peasy for a cat. Not so much for a tiny dog.

The little dog tried over and over again to jump into the window where I currently was perched without success. He barked in frustration while I just licked my paws with boredom. Eventually the old man arrived, huffing and puffing. The chihuahua completely forgot about me and wagged his tail at his owner. Heh, dogs. Pitiful creatures who survived by licking their human owners’ asses clean.

I was safe. But all the running had left me exhausted. And I was even hungrier than before. Rather than jump off the window, I channeled my inner cat burglar and decided to hunt for food inside the house.

I let myself fall into the floor with elegancy. The room I was in looked like a big mess. The house was deadly silent but it was clean so it definitely wasn’t abandoned. There was a lot of stuff sprawled all over the floor, as if whoever lived here had just left in a big hurry and hadn’t come back in quite a while. There were a lot of clocks and opened notepads with random schedules annotated on them. I was a cat, so I wasn’t interested in them, but whoever lived here must’ve been some sort of obsessive weirdo.

The only thing that interested me was the food. Where was the kitchen? I was about to continue my search elsewhere when I caught a smoky scent coming from a big machine sitting in the center of the living room. It looked extremely out of place in a living room like this.

I went towards the machine. It sort of looked like a microwave but it had a big antenna on top. I touched it and it was warm. Now, I have no idea what all these machines do but when they’re turned on and get all warm don’t you just want to sit on top of them? They have that hypnotizing power over us cats.

There was a panel and a button. I thought that if I pressed that button the panel would open and there would be cooked food inside. But when I pressed it the panel didn’t open, it just lit up and some random letters showed up.  I just wanted it to open, dammit!

I tried scratching at the screen and a crude diagram of the anatomy of a human male appeared. Boring! For some reason the human’s cock and balls were highlighted in red. I hate red dots, when I see one I just want to scratch it to pieces with my claws. I scratched at the red area and it moved towards the human’s butt. I pressed the button again and the machine started whirring a very strange sound. The big antenna lit up and some sort of flashy beam was shoot from it. Thanks to my feline reflexes I evaded the electric shock by a slim margin and the strange beam shoot out from the open window into the distance.

I realized that the cooked smell I had caught on had been produced by that beam. I got pissed. I scratched at the machine as revenge, the red dot moving towards different body parts at random. I turned around and kicked the button repeatedly with my back leg. I learned that from dogs, actually. That’s the way they bury their own shit on the ground. So doing that to the machine was my way of saying to the machine that it was a big steaming piece of shit.

Yeow! I felt a surge of electricity through my feline body. That fucking machine had zapped me with one of its beams! I turned at the panel angrily. The red dot was once again situated on the man’s buttocks, but for some reason it looked smaller now.

I had enough of this strange house. I climbed the window again and leaped on the front yard. What a waste of time that had been. My belly grumbled with impatience. Damn! What I would have given for a big fish to sink my claws into! I was so hungry I could had devoured a fat meaty piece of sausage!

As if hearing my prayers, a very meaty scent came to me. It smelled kind of bad, like an unwashed sweaty human but somehow worse. I followed the scent. It came from the front door of the house. I had seen pranksters leaving foul-smelling packages in front of random doors, ringing the bell and then running away. But it didn’t look like anybody was going to pick up whatever they had left on there.

I approached the welcome mat with silent feline steps and effectively found something. From afar it didn’t look like a foul-smelling package, but I would eventually learn later on that my assumption was much more spot-on than I would’ve ever imagined.

The stinky thing was pink and pale. It had a head, but no eyes or nose, just a wide mouth that wasn’t capable of producing any sounds. It didn’t look like a worm though, because if it were the fattest earthworm I had ever seen then it wouldn’t have those two big and round orbs that it used as legs.

Round legs... That didn’t sound very practical. I stared at them. There were curly black hairs all around the ballsack that surrounded both “feet”. Maybe if I split the ballsack in two with my claw I’d find two tasty chew toys in there, but I was too classy to play with dog toys, so I passed on those two worthless things. But what did caught my attention was the long shaft that connected the darker-colored eyeless head with the ballsack. It looked so fat and juicy.

The thing was shivering nervously, it head perked up looking at the door handle. It appeared to be in distress. Well, I’d be distressed too if I looked as juicy as it. The weird creature then flopped down backwards and started kicking his legs at the air. Geez, what was his deal? It was like seeing the locked door had caused the wrinkled animal to fall into despair.

The way the juiciest sausage I’d ever seen jerked around on the floor reminded me of a big fat fish out of the water, randomly spasming in utter panic in the slightest hope of returning into safety. Pathetic. Damn, thinking about fresh fish was making my stomach growl with more ferocity. Apparently the little creature had heard me, because just then it jerked its eyeless head in my direction.

“Oh, hello there, you juicy fish stick.” I meowed at it, baring my sharp and pointy fangs at it.

The creature became frozen solid. Its whole body began to sweat just like a human would, and after a few uncomfortable seconds... it played dead.

This... This creature had to be stupid, right? I had just seen its fat shaft swaying back and forth an instant ago. Please, don’t insult my intelligence like that.

The puny thing was laying on the mat completely still, hoping that I wouldn’t notice it was alive. It was plain to see that it was alive though, its shaft moved up and down along its breathing and it was still sweating. I circled around its ‘corpse’ with elegant steps. Now that I had gotten a better look at it, the creature’s comical form was reminding me of something... Mmm... But what? Suddenly my genitals itched so I lifted my back leg and gave my cock and balls a few licks...

Oh, for fuck’s sake! The creature was a living set of cock and balls! I hadn’t realized it until then because, to put it bluntly, human cocks looked ridiculous compared to the clearly superior genitals of a cat. I heard a pair human prostitutes talking about those disembodied genitals before. They were called dildos, right? I wondered if they were edible. I gave the thing a sniff. It jerked a bit when it felt my whiskers touching its extremely sensitive skin. Heh, ticklish little boy. And it smells like it’s made from actual meat, too!

“Looks like I just found a fine dish for breakfast. Don’t you agree, Mr. Dildo?” I meowed at the sentient cock and balls. Mr. Dildo’s body shivered in complete fear. I grinned with my sharp teeth and sunk them into its meaty shaft. The cock jerked in pain and was constantly protesting by kicking his ball sack in my direction but it was completely powerless to liberate itself from my tight grasp.

Now, let’s find a nice spot to enjoy this sweaty piece of meat. I left the yard, my tail pointing right up. Mr. Dildo seemed scared to be leaving the house behind, its dickhead looking at it in sadness. Don’t worry little dick, you’re heading somewhere cozy and warm... I hope you like gastric juices.

A pair of young human males saw me carrying a dildo around the neighbourhood. They laughed like seeing a cat with a dildo in its mouth was the funniest thing in the world. Dumb bastards. I wondered if the dick and balls that they carried between their legs were as juicy as this one... Food for thought, heheh. I bit harder at the sweaty sausage, who silently yelped.

I headed for my favorite spot, a dark alleyway behind a old-fashioned diner. I used to like that diner, they’d throw a lot of food into the trash cans every single night. I wonder why it closed up. I spat out Mr. Dildo into the floor. The guy seemed in pain and disoriented. “Let’s see what’s inside those balls of yours.” I meowed as I took out a pointy claw. I always liked playing with my prey for a bit before eating it. I wondered if I had to remove its foreskin with my claws first. Nah, it was probably safe to eat it with its skin on.

The cock and balls shriveled down in fear. I pinned Mr. Dildo’s shaft to the ground with my left paw so Mr. Dildo couldn’t even try to run away from me. Then with my favorite kitchen utensils, my claws, I began to tease its ballsack. Its right ball hang lower than the left one. Interesting. It also retreated itself the closer my claw got. You’re a very silly dildo, your balls can’t recede into your body... You have no body at all!

I grabbed and squeezed its balls. The ballsack was fleshy and soft, but the testicles were actually quite solid. I pressed them a bit harder and I laughed like a maniac when Mr. Dildo’s dickhead stood upright in utter shock by the pain. Damn, the cock and balls looked so pitiful! Hahahaha!

The sausage was juicy with sweat. I squeezed my prey’s shaft with a hard grip. To my surprise his reaction wasn’t as violent as before, in fact the whole thing was growing and something that looked like big drop of sweat but more sticky and smelly dangled from its mouth. And what a strange vertical mouth that was. How can it even see through that hole if it’s full of that sticky fluid? Oh, weird, Mr. Dildo is contracting...

Ouch! Just then I felt a very acid fluid impacting against my eye, the one with the scar going through it. Dammit! It was pee! The fucking Dildo had used its own pee as a projectile! Now it got personal, prick!

I wrapped my upper paws around its neck while I stomped its testicles with my lower ones. Take this, bitch! But for some reason, the harder I squeezed Dildo’s neck his shaft got harder and harder. Before long, more of that strange lubricant made of semen began to drip from its hole.

Wait, was the bastard getting off with this?! Did he took me for a fool?! Playtime’s over, you dickhead! I opened my mouth wide open and bared my fangs at the human cock and balls. I was hungry. Hungry for cock! I leaped and bit the fucking dick in its shaft! Oh, so tasty, the male sweat really gives it flavour!

But... right before my fangs teared the whole thing in two, I felt strange. For a split-second I felt like my whole body had been crushed into something really small. And when I say whole body I really mean it. I felt like all my bones and organs had been compressed into the smallest dot. Thankfully the pain only lasted a split-second, but it had been enough for me to lose my grip on the cock and balls.

I thought Mr. Dildo was going to run off right away. For some reason, the cock and balls hesitated to escape, his dickhead looking around him as if it were wondering where the cat had gone. Realizing this was its only chance, the cock and balls made a desperate into the dark depths of the alleyway, still limping from the pain yet the trail he left behind wasn’t made of blood... but human semen.

Dang! Why had I felt that pain right at that second?! My breakfast escaped! I cursed, but for some reason my meow didn’t sound like my usual classy feline voice at all. I tried to go after the fleeing Mr. Dildo, but my legs weren’t responding. I tried my hardest to move, but the only thing I managed to do was to fall face-up.

“Shit!” I cried out with all my strength. My breath smelled putrid for some reason. I wanted to stand up, but the only thing I could do was to stare up at the skies. This was bad. Very bad. Then I saw a giant insect approaching me. It looked exactly like a fly, but it was enormous!

“Go away! Fuck!” I cried out. But the more I yelled and cursed, the giant fly grew more interested in me. In fact, it wasn’t long before more flies and all other kinds of insects came over to my body, all of them in love with my scent.

They itched. The more they itched, the more I cried out. The more I cried out, the more insects crawled over me. And that it turn made me itch more. It was an endless cycle. And it went on and on for hours.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck! I love being the center of attention but not this way!”

It wasn’t long before I felt like I was about to go insane. But my salvation came in the form of a giant bird. The bugs flied and crawled away from me in fear when the avian beast came. Judging by its size I thought it had to be an eagle, but when it came closer I realized it was just a pigeon.

The pigeon pecked at my body with curiosity. “Ouch! Hey, what the fuck are you doing?!” My words didn’t seem to scare the bird away. In fact the giant bird grabbed my whole body with its beak and took me off for a flight just like that.

Its beak was piercing through my body, and the sights from the heavens made me dizzy as hell. “Oh, shit, shit shit! We’re too fucking high! Please, don’t drop me!”

But when I opened my mouth the bird was surprised by the smell going down its throat and... it spat me out... in the middle of the fucking sky.

“AAAAAAAAAARGH!” I cried, leaving a trail of pestilence as I fell.

My skydiving fall felt eternal. I could see the entire city from here, gradually becoming closer... and closer... and closer.

One of the two youngsters who had laughed at me for carrying a dildo in my mouth had gone inside a coffee shop. He had paid for an extremely overpriced cup of coffee thinking he was cool for doing so.  He went outside and right after he opened the lid of the cup, he heard a *plop* sound.

“Yuck! Something fell inside my coffee!” He complained.

“Hahaha!” Laughed his friend. “Probably some bird pooped on it.”

“No, wait... It’s... What is this...?” The youngster noticed that bubbles were coming out from the coffee. He used a spoon to fish inside the coffee’s contents and he felt something round and squishy in the bottom: me.

“The hell?!” the young man exclaimed in pure confusion, as what he had taken out was completely alien. It seemed alive, but it was impossible something so disgusting had been given the right to live.

“It’s... like a very small black donut... And it smells horrible!”

“It looks uglier than my cat’s asshole!” His friend joked.

As the horrendously disgusting thing that he he had taken out, I didn’t enjoy that joke. I was in pain for having been submerged in hot coffee even though it were for a few seconds. “Arrrgh!” I cried out in pain, my whole body contracting as I spoke.

Suddenly the guy holding me with a spoon shrieked and threw me into the floor. I made a small, almost inaudible *splat* sound with the impact, although my unceremonious fall had been more humiliating than painful.

“Did that thing... just...?” The younger asked.

“Yeah, it sounded like a fart.” His friend finished his sentence. “And yuck, smelled like one, too!”

Completely disgusted and weirded out at what they had just seen, they decided to leave my ugly self be and decided to never talk about this incident again. “Hey! Don’t go away!” My farts cried out. “I’m an elegant cat! You have to believe me!” I cried and cried.

Why? Why had this happened? My mind flashed back to the machine I had activated and to the beam that it had shot right at me. The panel showed a small red circle between two buttcheeks... I now knew what it meant. I had ordered it to turn me into my own asshole!

I looked like a black donut the size of a coin. My harmonious meowing had been stripped of its beauty, now sounding like the voice of a vulgar anus about to take a shit. With every fart, my hole opened up a little, allowing me momentarily to see with more clearly, but also exposing the fleshy walls of my compressed rectum to the world.

I always had considered myself Mr. Universe, but at the moment I was nothing more than a black hole. I had to get back to the machine... But it was so far away... I couldn’t even give a single step like this... I was as immobile as a dirty coin in the middle of the street. People didn’t give me a second glance. I was completely helpless. And vulnerable. Outside.

I was a sentient anus.

Outside.

As a farting, vulnerable, fragile, sentient and extremely sensitive cat’s asshole. Outside.

...I was fucked.

I was going crazy. I even started to plead to the humans passing by. I hated humans. They hated me. They never had understood me as a cat. To think that any of them would help me now that I looked like my own dirty asshole was outrageous. But I did it anyway. “Someone? Anyone?! I’m a cute little cat! Please, someone help me!” My cries for help created a cloud of foul-smelling gas. This made someone notice me: a drunk bum.

“What the?” The man crouched and picked me up. “...What the fuck are you? How did you end up here?”

I finally had gotten a human’s attention! I felt pride in my feline charm once again. My round body stiffened up in pride as I prepared to give the human the details of my current condition.

“Hmm? You, a human, want to hear my story? Heh. That’s quite unusual coming from a shaved ape like you. You look so insufferably pitiful that I would be glad to give you that satisfaction. I’ve been a stray cat for... WAAAAAAAAARGHHHH!”

The drunktard inserted his dirty finger up my hole! He did it systematically, assessing my whole body to see if it served his needs rather than trying to torture me but somehow that made the whole thing more humiliating to me. When he pushed his dirty fat finger through the center of my donut-like body my rectum stretched out like a piece of rubber tightly enveloping the finger like a foul-smelling glove.

Aah, fuck! No! I’m not an object! Get your finger off me right this instant you nasty vagabond!

The drunktard stared at my painfully stretched form and smiled. Apparently he had a certain use case for something as nasty as me. I’d liked to say that he stuffed me inside his coat pocket as he went to the dark alley where his fellow bum friends lived, but that wasn’t the case... He kept his dirty finger up my stretched rectum all the way.

“Guys! *Hic*! Check this thing out!” He said with glee as he showed his companions the detached anus.

“What’s that thing?” Asked one of them. This one looked a bit effeminate. I wondered if all these beggars were bum friends in more ways than one.

“It’s one of those *hic* new condoms!”

...What? This guy was nuts. I wasn’t a condom at all!

“Yes, one of those fancy new ones that look like real buttholes and its synth-*hic*-thetic organic texture makes them reusable. We can use it whenever we fuck or need a sextoy. *hic*”

...W-what?! Hey! I’m not-

“Oh, *hic*, a free reusable condom!” Said a big guy as he adjusted his enormous-looking bulge. “I can’t wait to try it out...*hic*...!”

Shit! Why?! Why did I end up as these bums’ toy?!

“You took it from the street? That’s gross. Clean it a bit with a rug before using it so the STDs get killed off.” The effeminate bum suggested.

“Hey, talking about sextoys, I found a very realistic dildo laying around. It spews lubricant when you squeeze it!”

...Oh, fuck. Don’t tell me that the dildo is... Yes, when he took it out it definitely was Mr. Dildo. And it was once again playing dead.

Oh, Mr. Dildo. What a horrible fate awaits both of us. At least I won’t be the only one suffering...

“Awesome, then let’s put the condom on the dildo so the asshole gets lubricated. The bastard feels a bit too tight on my finger, we need to make sure it fits on all of our cocks.”

WHAT?! That’s a stupid idea! No, don’t take me off, I prefer the finger! Arrgh! No, don’t put me on Mr. Dildo! It’s fucking humiliating! That’s not how you treat an elegant individual like me! No, no, NOOOOOOOOOOOOO-MMph!!!

“Woah, it’s a perfect fit.”

MMMMMPPPPHHH!

“It even looks like the dildo is happy. It looks harder and longer.”

MMMMMMMMMPPPPPPHHHHH!!!!

“And the asshole isn’t making any noises anymore. We should keep using the dildo as a condom holder.”

“I hope the thing’s durable. I’m too hung for small condoms. They always get split apart.”

MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMPPPPPHHHHHHHHH!!!!!

“Ohhhhh. I know about that! And very well!”

“Yeah, we’re all very acquainted with your cock.”

“I just want to know how that dildo feels up my ass. Look at all the lubricant it’s spewing.”

MMMMMMMMMMPHAAAAHHEEEEEEELPPPPPPPPMEEEEEHHHHH!!!!

“Woah, if I didn’t know better I’d think it was actual semen.”

“Yeah, the condom is all filled up! It looks like a balloon!”

“Damn, just looking at the way the condom is stretched out by the dildo is making my cock rock-hard! So... who’s gonna be the first to try them out tonight? Shall we flip a coin?... Or flip an asshole? Heheheh.

[grrside]

Outside

Outside

-a grrside story-

Sunday, five minutes to 6 am. It was the perfect opportunity. I’ve been quietly observing the whole neighbourhood for weeks. Old man Mr. Morrison wouldn’t take Peppy, his chihuahua, for a walk until 6:32. Mrs. Sanders wouldn’t obsessively check the contents of her mailbox until 6:45, and then once again at 6:51. There wouldn’t be any passing cars until the rusty green truck that passed at 7:08 at the earliest. I had more than half an hour of solitude to spare.

But then, why was I shaking? There were only three windows that provided a clear view of my front porch. All their shutters were down. My front door was slightly ajar, I gazed through the slight gap and I couldn’t see any life outside. Even the early morning birds seemed absent.

This is what I really wanted, right? I’ve been planning this for months, but my cowardly nature had always been an impediment. I initially planned to do this in the middle of the night, but the movements of the drunk teenagers that passed in front of my house were difficult to predict. They always wandered without a clear route or timetable. It took me lots of sleepless nights to realize that they never appeared during or after sunrise.

My whole body was shaking like jello. My skin was drenched in sweat. My heavy breathing caused me to expand and tighten rhythmically.

And I wasn’t wearing a single stitch of clothing.

You idiot, if you don’t do this right now you know what’ll happen! Another seven days waiting. Seven days wondering. Seven days fantasizing about how’d it felt like. Just to once again run away like a pussy next Sunday. It just won’t stop until you finally do it!

I shook my head. I glanced at the clock hanging on the wall of the hall. It was 5:59. Every single time I doubted myself I was losing precious time.

You can do it, Joe. You’ll do it at 6:00. Yes, when the shorter hand reaches 6 you’ll go through that door. You’ll give ten calm and confident steps forward without looking back. You’ll enjoy the morning sun caressing your naked flesh. You’ll have half an hour all to yourself. Nobody will see you.

I had so many conflicting feelings. The only reason I had courage to walk out the front door like this was that I was certain nobody would see me. Yet at the same the only reason I liked this idea was that there was always an inherent risk in it.

Yes, the risk of being seen. Those eyes looking at me in shock and disbelief. Looking at my indecent self like I’m God’s most embarrassing failure...

I was rock hard.

Yes, this was exactly what I wanted.

The longer hand reached 12. I had no idea if it was all the blood flowing into my shaft but I had only one thing in mind: expose myself into the world.

I didn’t give ten calm and confident steps... I ran towards the outside world like a one-man stampede!

...And then I froze mid-step.

The morning breeze caressed my bare skin. I was bathing in sunlight. I was... outside. And... and... Oh shit, I’m fucking outside!

No, calm down! This is what you wanted, remember? Take a deep breath and enjoy the moment!

But my body didn’t react to my thoughts. I was frozen mid-step like a freaking statue. Except that statues didn’t wiggle and shiver like my bare self. The entire scene was like a moving photo. I could see the green grass of my garden waving and dancing at me. The leaves of the trees throwing themselves into the ground like joyful children. It was a beautiful morning. And right in my porch was me, bare, completely pink, with a pale expression, frozen mid-step, shivering, sweating, barely breathing, exposed, naked.

Why had I done this again? I felt like I was shrinking away into nothingness. But then I remembered about the camera.

Making sure that nobody passed around while I was exposing myself wasn’t the only thing I had done in anticipation of this moment. I had placed a camera in my front porch to record my whole exposure. The lens was pointing at me, with the road and the garden in the background, and it was currently recording.

I had no intention of ever making the footage public, but I did want to have something to remember this moment and of course jack off to it afterwards.

I could see my head reflected on the huge professional lens. That reflection is what anybody would see if they saw me at my current state. Seeing that reflection helped me calm down and made me remember the reason I wanted to do this.

And that reason was, of course, that I looked utterly pathetic.

After all the shivering and panicking, my penis was floppy and wrinkled. I was uncut, and above-average length, but I’m a grower so when I’m soft I look like an unremarkable squishy sausage. My balls were quite big, and they were covered in messy black hairs that I never had bothered to trim. I shaked my ballsack a little in front of the lens to make clear that my testicles were full and ready for discharge when needed.

I was quickly becoming hard. My shaft was half way standing to attention, my whole meat growing fatter and larger. My foreskin retracted a little and, for the first time ever, the sunlight had the pleasure of touching my mushroom tip.

I was drooling precum already. Never before having been in direct contact to the sun my meaty manhood felt violated. It wasn’t too dissimilar to losing my virginity. I felt liberated. I opened my pee hole wide as if daring the sun to penetrate me further. The sun was glad to comply.

My erection was so monumental at that moment that it was difficult to walk. Still, I gave unsteady steps further into the outside world, fully aware that with every single step I was further away from the safety of my home.

I felt the urge to scream. To yell at the world that I was there. Completely exposed and vulnerable at the world’s many dangers. Not like I wasn’t too busy jerking my foreskin up and down though.

Yes... It was fucking awesome. I had always been so afraid of showing myself off. But now there I was, outside, daring the whole world to make me its bitch.

I wondered if any grown-up man would have ever felt this vulnerable. I was sure I was the only one. And that was because making sure that nobody wandered through the streets and setting up a camera weren’t the only things I had done in anticipation of this moment. I had invested all of my life savings in purchasing a certain machine in the black market. It had initially been engineered as a torture device for a dictatorial small country. It could reduce anybody into just one of their body parts yet at the same time retain all of their five senses. Prisoners could be tortured with their retained sense of pain, their inability to speak ensured no annoying cries and screams for the torturers to endure and their reduced size meant that they could be stored in small containers between torture sessions. Most criminals, fearing this grim fate, would rather spill the beans and confess their crimes than spend ten minutes as a compacted piece of flesh.  Most of these devices had since been banned and destroyed, but luckily I had certain connections in the dark web that made me know one of these machines was been auctioned to the highest bidder.

But I didn’t feel resentful towards the machine’s dark history. After all I was going to use it for my own pleasure, not as a weapon. I wanted to become one of my own body parts myself.

I wonder what the original engineers of the machine would think if they knew I had used their contraption to become my own penis.

There I was, or should I rather say, my genitalia was there, standing on the front lawn. A disembodied set of dick and balls, the most sensitive and vulnerable parts of my body, completely exposed for everyone to see, prod and squeeze with absolutely no way for me to object to their tortures.

And I was enjoying every second of it.

I swayed my phallus back and forth, teasingly, at no one in particular. I fantasized about what would happen if someone were to find me there and then. What would their first reaction be when coming across a very realistic dildo that seemed to have a life of its own?

Would they laugh?

Would they be disgusted?

Would they dare to pick me up and touch me all over?

Whatever it was it definitely wouldn’t be: “Oh, that’s Joe Walker’s penis going outside for a breather. Its standing inside its rightful property so we totally should not trespass and leave Joe’s genitals be.”

That was such an absurd possibility that I wanted to chuckle, but the most I could do was slightly open my peehole a bit as if I were a fish trying to talk underwater. That reminded me that I wasn’t just as vulnerable as a juicy piece of meat laying on the ground: I was also as silent as one.

I had no way to talk. I could walk using my testicles as makeshift feet and my urethral mouth had become a multiple purpose tool from which I could see, hear, and smell... But my body wasn’t capable of producing barely any sound.

This only managed to fuel my fantasies. I imagined that somebody picked me up, believing me to be some sort of obscene sex toy.

“Mmm...So thick and hard... You’d be a nice fit for my tight asshole...” They’d say.

I’d try to protest. “I’m not a vulgar sextoy, I’m a man! ...Oh! Your grip around my shaft is too much...!” But all my protests would go unheard. They’d carry me around like a freaking object they owned and when they got home that’s when the real fun started.

Yes, Joe. They’d use you as a cock. Because that’s what you are. A mighty rock-hard cock. Nothing else. You’re literally a big smelly dick that uses its very own precious babymakers as feet. Why should they treat your balls any better than you do? They’d use you, your face buried up their stinking asshole until your pathetic balls get dry and then they’d throw your flaccid and useless body into the trash compactor.

Damn! I was so fucking hard! I could only look towards the skies, towards the flying birds that could only look with disdain at the detached piece of human genitalia laying on the ground trying to masturbate itself.

I slid my foreskin up and down my hard shaft, I could feel it coming closer but not quite. I let myself plop into the ground and grinded my phallic torso in the dirt. To the dirt I must have looked like just any other ordinary pink earthworm but my intention wasn’t eating the earth, but rather spill my seed all over it for my own pleasure.

Yes! Keep inching, you insignificant worm! Let the friction violate all your senses!

What would have previously been my hips were thrusting against the ground with great force. Of course, it was just my featureless phallic body, but old habits die hard. It felt like the most pleasurable sex I had in my whole life... and my lover was just a bunch of dirt. But when you’re a cock, any kind of contact feels extremely intimate.

Ahhhh, I was about to... About to... ARRRGHHH! I could feel my balls contracting sightly, a surge of pleasure overcoming my whole body and a very salty flavour in my mouth.

I spewed out the biggest load I ever had in my life. My whole face was sticky and my vision turned blurry and filled with white.

I lay there, exhausted, in a puddle of my own cum. Damn, that sure was... worth it... I hope the camera had caught that hell of an orgasm...!

Yeah, you did well Joe... You have lots of time to spare, so let’s just enjoy this moment...

And I wanted to, but there was an annoying loud noise coming my way. I could even feel how the ground vibrated with increasing intensity.

FIIIIIUUUUUUUM!

...Wait, that wasn’t possible. I still had about twenty minutes of solitude all for myself!

I shook my wet dickhead dry not unlike a dog would, clearing my sight. I saw the backside of a rusty green truck getting farther away. That truck... It wasn’t supposed to pass until 7:08 at the earliest! What the hell was it doing passing through here an entire hour early?! Shit! Shit! Shit! Hopefully the driver didn’t see me! Damn, that was fucking close! And I while I jacked off I had inched so close towards the road as well! The truck’s heavy wheels could’ve ran over my delicate and small body if the driver wanted to! Fuck, fuck, FUCK!

Fucking truck driver! How could they dare not to follow their usual schedule...?! As I, the angry cock and balls, cursed the driver, a strange sense of dread began to fill inside me. It had to be 6:08. The truck usually came at 7:08. It was weird that the truck wouldn’t follow its particular schedule, but the fact that it had passed exactly sixty minutes early was even more strange...

Suddenly, all the air surrounding me began to feel different. The birds perched on the trees seemed more hostile somehow. I could feel a dreadful feeling of insecurity building deep inside my balls. My pubic hair was getting all straightened up. My hard on was subsiding. Wrinkles appeared all over my skin. I wasn’t just getting flaccid, I was becoming horribly scared and I had no idea why.

But deep down you do, Joe.

...Yes, I knew. It wasn’t six in the morning. It was seven.

I had forgotten to adjust the clocks for daylight savings last night.

FUCK! How could I have been so freaking careless?! I entered a state of immense panic. I was no longer in control. I no longer felt safe. From this minute onwards, the events of the day would be completely beyond my control. I was naked, vulnerable and unable to cry for help. I was a lone penis and I was in the most dangerous place imaginable: outside.

The cum puddle I was standing on was drying up. It felt cold and lifeless. If the rapidly dying sperm could talk they would’ve told me to run and save myself while I still could.

I turned my dickhead backwards. There it was, the front door to the security of my own home. It was slightly ajar and I could hear the wind quietly whispering to me that I should hurry up inside before disaster came my way. I just had to go through it, activate the machine and recover my old body.

I took off running, my balls stepping on the cold grass with each step. Fuck! What if someone’s staring out from their window? What if anybody had seen me? What if they confused me with something other than a bona-fide human being? I looked like a fucking cock and balls, for fuck’s sake!

My cursed and cursed with each step I gave. It wasn’t a long distance to cover, but it appeared eternal to little prick me. I was almost there.... I just had to... climb the steps... and that was it...! Phew!

However, the steps looked gigantic now. Every single one of them looked like a nice climb. Why did they look bigger now?... Oh, that’s right. I was flaccid now. Fuck! If I’d only realized this before cumming...!

C’mon, the first step. I put my left testicle on top of it and then used all my strength to lift the rest of my body up. Shit, it would’ve been much easier if could’ve just used my long shaft to climb!

The second step... Ok, now the third... Just one more and I’ll be on the front porch...! Woah!

I had fell backwards, and regrettably I fell balls-first. I would’ve groaned in pain if I had been able to.

After reincorporating myself, I climbed the rest of the steps and finally got in the front porch.

Finally! Thank goodness. I had left the machine in the living room, I just had to walk through the hallway and this nightmare will finally be over...!

I was so relieved thinking about getting my old body back that I didn’t mind my step and I didn’t notice that a corner of the welcome mat of my house was slightly bent upwards. The moment my right testicle stept on it I slipped and my body got launched mid-air.

Usually throwing a disembodied cock and balls against an open door wasn’t enough to close it. But my door wasn’t even half open. When leaving to do my little exhibitionist dare, I had just slightly opened it ajar. Even a slight breeze would have been able to force it shut if the wind so desired to seal the fate of a tiny penis. So of course the impact of my babymakers against it made it slowly close a tiny bit until I heard the most terrifying sound I had ever heard in my entire life.

*Click*

The front door had been locked. And I was outside.

Outside.

As a mute, vulnerable, fragile, sentient and extremely sensitive set of cock and balls. Outside.

My entire body went limp. My testicles couldn’t hold my weight and my silly dildo-looking body fell backwards. I couldn’t believe I had put myself in this mess. I wanted to cry, to yell, to call for help... to no avail. I was there in my silent show of despair, a pathetic prick kicking the air with its balls like a newborn unable to live for itself, when I heard a deep grumble just behind me.

The grumbling sound belonged to the belly of a mighty black beast. The shadowy figure was a four-legged furry beast with a big scar across its right eye. Its piercing eyes gleamed with intensity, its black fur contrasting with those ferocious eyes.

It was a cat. And it had been observing me for a long while. It looked extremely menacing to a naked and defenseless penis like me.

“Meowwww...” It purred at me with interest. I had never been very good at dealing with animals, but I could tell. This furry beast... was hungry.

The predator opened his mouth wide, showing me its sharp and pointy fangs.

...I was fucked.

[grrside]

Having Fun With Yourself

Having Fun With Yourself

-a grrside story-

“Hey, guys!” Ranito T. Frog croaked happily. “You know what day it is tomorrow, right?”

“Of course!” One of Ranito’s companions replied back. “You’d have to be a loser not to know it, hahaha.”

“It’ll be so much fun tomorrow...” Another chimed in. “I can’t wait. It’ll be the party of the century!”

Ranito’s fat cheeks blushed with delight. “Gee, I didn’t know you all were this excited.” He had no idea he was that popular at all.

“How could we possibly be less excited than this? The birthday boy is so much fun to be around with! He doesn’t deserve any less.”

Ranito felt like he was about to melt with all these compliments. It was, after all, the first time ever he celebrated a birthday party so he wasn’t used to be showered with good intentions.

“And he’s hot too...”

“W-w-w-w-whaaa?” Ranito’s usual green and yellow face was completely red now.

“Yeah, he’s so amazing. I’ve came so many times just thinking about him...”

“WOW! Guys, we are in the middle of the street, you shouldn’t say things like that!...” Ranito protested. Then the curiosity got the better of him. “...How many times, exactly?”

“Yeah, he usually has that effect on people... He’s so naturally handsome...”

The obese frog was in heaven right now. “Awww... You have to be exaggerating!”

“His body is so big...”

Ranito raised his chin up in pride, thinking about his exorbitant body fat.

“...What I wouldn’t give to touch him...”

The miniature penis buried inside Ranito’s baggy shorts stiffened.

“...And ruffle his feathers...”

“...What?” Ranito stared at them quizzically, then looked down at his own body as if checking for spontaneously-grown feathers.

“Yeah! Hank G. Hawk’s birthday party is going to be a fucking blast! I can’t believe he rented out a house in a nudist resort and invited that famous rock’n’roll band to play at the beach! I was a real fan of The Beavers since I was a teenager!” Ranito’s body froze in complete shock. His penis shrunk away into nothing. “B-b-b-b-b-ut....!”

“It’s only your birthday once a year, so I propose we all work hard to make Hank G. Hawk’s day his best ever yet!”

Ranito was stuttering, still completely paralyzed. “B-b-b-b-b-but tomorrow is also m-m-m-my...”

“Ranito, we have to go to buy some last minute gifts. And...You’re standing in the way...”

“M-m-m-m-m-my...” The group of people who didn’t actually regard Ranito as their equal left the place, leaving the paralyzed frog alone.

When Ranito got home he looked at the pile of snacks, cheesy movies and party board games he had laid on the living room table and sighed. “I have no idea what I was thinking... I should’ve make sure to successfully invite at least one person before purchasing all this stuff...” The fat frog was feeling very tired even though the sun hadn’t even fully settled yet, which was weird for a frog who pulled late-nighters like him. He was about to go to his bedroom to sleep without even bothering about making dinner when he noticed something strange on the table of party items.

“What’s this?” Ranito wondered when he saw a quite rudimentary brown cardboard box. The words ‘To: Ranito’ were written on the side with a cheap marker and poor calligraphy. “I’m completely sure I didn’t order anything.” Ranito thought. Maybe it was an early birthday gift...?! But wait, that didn’t explain why it was on the table and not in the mailbox.

The fat frog was getting a bit scared. Was this a prank? Did someone break into his house? Would he find something really nasty inside that box? Maybe he’d figure it out if he opened it...

An extremely optimistic part of Ranito’s brain thought that the whole thing was some kind of set-up for a surprise birthday party... But no, that didn’t seem likely. If anybody had a surprise for someone, it would be for that popular Hank G. Hawk dude. They would have been one day too early in any case.

So what was inside, then? Ranito felt like the box was a bad omen. The frog got closer to the box and his nostrils smelled something putrid. Whatever was inside, it really reeked.

It definitely had to be a prank. Something that was so fucking smelly couldn’t good. Ranito turned around, closed his eyes, and took a deep breath. “I don’t want to open it, yet at the same time I really want to know what’s inside...”

*THUMP!*

“What the...?” Ranito turned once again. He was certain he had heard a loud noise just behind him. But when he took a look around he didn’t saw anyone. Everything was in order. Well, except for...

“T-t-t-the box is gone?!” Ranito exclaimed with terror. “Arrgh! Who’s there?!” The frog started trembling thinking about an intruder. Did he just see a shadow lurking nearby? “No, wait, maybe the box just fell down to the floor or something and I’m overthinking things...” He thought to himself in a futile attempt to calm himself down.

The frog was about to look under the table to see if his theory held any weight. But that unguarded split second was all the time the shadow needed.

*BAM!* Ranito’s eyes went wide and expressionless the moment his body felt the impact. A giant thud could be heard all over the house as the giant mountain of a frog plummeted against the floor. A heavy and strained breathing could be heard in Ranito’s living room, but it didn’t belong to the body currently lying on the floor. The foul-smelling breathing didn’t take long to turn into an eerie chuckle.

***

Ranito dreamt that he had been invited to the hawk’s birthday party. It was all fun and games, until he realized that everyone in a nudist party would, naturally, be naked... Included the obese frog himself.

Hank got on a big stage and grabbed a microphone. “Who invited that fat ball of green lard to my party? He looks so creepy and weird!” The rest of Hank’s friends began to point and tease him as well. “Look! His little weewee is even getting hard! He must’ve sneaked in to the party to see if he can get any!” Some of them prodded his naked body with a wooden stick because they were disturbed at the thought of touching a slimy frog. “Go fuck yourself, whiny fatso!”

“That’s not true! I just wanted to have some fun on my birthday!” Ranito yelled at the top of his lungs. Then he realized he was on his bed and all had been a nightmare. His cheeks turned red. He hoped no one had heard his pathetic cry over just a lousy dream.

The frog tried to go to sleep again. He hated mornings. But he couldn’t relax because he could hear some chatter... Wait, wasn’t he supposed to be home alone?

Startled, Ranito incorporated himself and searched the bedside table for his black-framed glasses. They weren’t there. The frog thought he might have left them somewhere else but his line of thought was shattered when he lifted his bedcovers and discovered that he was bare naked.

That was strange, usually he went to sleep with some tight briefs for modesty at least. He then remembered last night’s events. He remembered seeing a cardboard box on the table, then hearing a noise, and then... What happened then, exactly?

Ranito tried to hear what the voices were saying, they seemed to be arguing about something but they were too distant to hear. He got out from the bed. He needed to investigate, but he wanted some clothes first. He opened the drawer where he kept all of his daytime clothes but it was completely empty. “Damn!” He cursed. Maybe he had just forgot to take them out from the laundry pile, which was in the bathroom. Ranito opened ajar the door of his bedroom. The voices were coming from the ground floor. They sounded somewhat familiar, which comforted him, but it was still too early to lower his guard. So trying his best to be stealthy, the fat frog walked across the hallway with the tip of his toes, hands cupping his genitals, and opened the door to the bathroom with a swift movement...

...And there he was met with a horrible sight.

“W-w-w-w-what the...?!” Ranito stammered. Sitting on the loo was a strange person. This person was unbelievably fat and practically naked apart from the briefs which were lowered to his feet. The mysterious man’s head was mostly bald except for a few feeble-looking stray hairs. He had a big gelatinous belly with two giant moobs sitting on top of it. He smelled exactly like how you expect a sweaty fat man to smell like, but the most disturbing thing of it all was...

“W-w-w-w-w-woah!” The mysterious person stammered in exactly the same way Ranito had just done. He raised his arms up in surprise as if he had been at gunpoint, revealing a wrinkly and flaccid yellow penis of a ridiculously small length. “Y-y-y-y-yikes!” He covered his crotch when he realized his little cock was in full view. “W-w-w-why didn’t you knock first?!”

“S-s-s-s-sorry!” Ranito apologized. He was about to close the door to give the man some privacy but he snapped out of it and demanded some questions. “W-w-who are you? Why are you here in my house and most of all... Why do you look exactly like me?!”

“Don’t be silly! We already had the original Ranito explain everything to us yesterday! Where you taking a nap through the whole thing or something?... A-a-and don’t you see I’m in the middle of something important?!”

Ranito had no choice but to give his exact replica some privacy and closed the bathroom door. What the hell was this? Some twin separated from him at birth?! Then he remembered about the familiar voices he had heard and had a bad premonition. He rushed down the stairs as fast as he could with his hands covering his crotch, and he was devastated to learn that he was right.

The arguing voices sounded familiar because they were his own. In the kitchen there were two exact copies of Ranito trying to cake a bake.

“You’re not doing it right! The recipe I looked up online said six teaspoons, not eight!” Yelled an angry Ranito dressed in summer clothing.

“B-b-b-b-but I wanted to make sure...” Replied back a shy Ranito dressed in winter clothing.

But that wasn’t the end of it... In the living room there were four Ranitos watching TV and arguing about who had eaten all the snacks.

“I was the one who went to the candy store so they all belonged to me!” Argued one of them.

“With *my* money!” Replied another.

“B-b-b-b-but we all share the original Ranito’s money...” Another one butted in.

“C-c-c-could you please lower your voices? I’m trying to watch this...” Said the one who had eaten all the potato chips.

Ranito was in shock. Where did all these Ranitos have come from?! And how many were there?! Afraid of the worst, he sneaked through all the loud Ranitos and went down the stairs to the basement.

There were another three Ranitos there.

They were all naked.

“Okay! If we’re going to make the original Ranito lose his virginity today we’d better practice by losing our virginity ourselves beforehand! Are you all ready...?!” The one who looked like the leader of the bunch said.

“Y-y-y-y-yeah!” Said one of his subordinates, his small cock fully hard but shaking in fear.

“Uh... I guess...?” Said the other, his cock flaccid as fuck because of his nervousness.

“Alright! Today is the day we become MEN!”

The subordinates put themselves one behind the other. The one with the raging boner tried to insert his small penis between the nervous one’s buttcheeks, but these remained firmly closed. “Hey, what the hell, open them up!”

“W-w-well, I’ve been thinking... Shouldn’t you put on a condom first?”

The Ranito behind him started to tremble. “W-w-w-well I was afraid to learn what size I am so I got too shy and couldn’t buy them...”

“B-b-b-but condoms are important, what if you give me an STD?”

The leader got frustrated at his subordinates’ competence. “We are all Ranito! We can’t transmit an STD by fucking ourselves!”

“Mmmmm... I’m not sure about that...” Replied the subordinate in front. “Well, whatever! I’ll just force my way in!” The subordinate in the back opened the huge green buttcheeks with his fingers and began to thrust. “Oh, yeah, bitch! Take my huge cock!”

“I don’t find your words arousing...” Complained the Ranito as he was being poorly dry humped. “Why don’t you pretend you’re transforming me into a cum bucket? Or a table? That’s much more sexy than calling me a bitch.”

“Stop talking! You’re deflating me!”

“Oh, a deflation TF sounds like fun!”

“I mean that you’re making my cock soft!”

The leader got really frustrated at their performance. “You useless scumbags! I’ll have to show you how it’s done! I’ll turn this into a threesome!” And with that the naked frog leader got behind the frog doing the penetration and began to thrust with all his strength.

“Hey! I’m not a bottom! That hurts!... Wait, aren’t we supposed to be using lube or something...?”

The leader keep thrusting. “In all the erotic stories the original Ranito read they never give much attention to those things! They just fuck raw!”

Ranito observed the strange fuck-train of frogs poorly attempting to hump each other. It was a pitiful sight.

“I’m getting tired...” Said the one in the middle. “This feels like physical exercise.”

The one in the front also complained. “I’d love to be the one doing the humping... Your cock can’t barely get through my buttchecks anyway. Can this even be called a penetration?”

“B-b-b-b-but we all have the exact same cock...”

The leader ignored them. “Oh... I’m about to cum!... Eventually! Maybe in half an hour or so...!”

Ranito was getting ashamed of himself. “I can’t keep watching this...” He turned around and found himself facing... himself. It was the Ranito with the briefs that had been in the bathroom.

“You’re quite the voyeur, don’t you? First you surprise me in the bathroom and now you’re watching #03, #06 and #09 having an orgy... Well, if you can call it that... You’re the creepiest of us all if I’m honest.”

“W-w-w-w-what are you talking about?! Why are so many Ranitos in the house? I just woke up ten minutes ago and suddenly there’s so many me!”

“Geez... You really didn’t pay attention at all during yesterday’s briefing, don’t you? Come with me, we need to talk.”

Ranito and... Ranito went upstairs to the living room. The four Ranito’s watching TV had moved on to the kitchen and were currently arguing who should taste-test the cake when it’s done. Both Ranitos sat down on the sofa. The sofa was cold on his bare butt but it appeared that all his clothes had been claimed by other Ranitos. Ranito knew he was identical to all other Ranitos but he couldn’t help to feel ashamed of being naked in front of them.

“Look,” the Ranito with the briefs explained. “Today is the original Ranito’s birthday. We have been created to make his day memorable. All of us were assigned tasks and numbers yesterday, but amazingly you managed to sleep through all of it...”

Ranito calmed down a bit. He still didn’t know who had made all these clones, but it seems like whoever did just wanted him to have fun on his birthday. “What did you just say about numbers?”

The Ranito wearing briefs stood up from his seat, turned around, and lowered his briefs.

“W-w-w-woah! I didn’t ask you to moon me!” Ranito cried out.

“It’s not that!” The other Ranito yelled, ashamed. “Look at my left buttcheek!”

“Uh?” Ranito noticed there was something scribbled on it with shaky penmanship. “#21...”

The other Ranito put his briefs back on. “Yes, that’s our identification number, so to speak. We are ordered by number of creation. It was made with a simple permanent marker, but it should last about three baths, which is more baths than we’ll be able to take in all our lives...”

Ranito was offended by that last comment. “Hey, my hygiene isn’t *that* poor...”

“Uh? No, no. I meant it literally. We clones age very rapidly. We were born yesterday as tadpoles and shipped here in a small cardboard box. By midnight, we’ll all be dead by old age.”

“Really? That’s very sad...”

“Kind of. But it’s ok, we’re all just copies of the original Ranito. If we can at least make our master happy for a day, our lives will have been meaningful.” #21 smiled at Ranito,

Ranito’s cheeks turned pink. “That’s a very noble cause to live for. I’m actually flustered by all of this...”

“Haha, it’s ok. As long as the original Ranito is happy, we’ll be happy. Just remember that.”

Ranito would definitely enjoy this day, not just for himself, but for all his clones’ sake. “Thank you so much, really.”

“I wonder if #18 is finished with the cake. I’m gonna go check...” #21 said.

“Oh, by the way!” Ranito stopped #21 from leaving just yet. “Can anybody of you lend me some clothes, by any chance?”

“Ah!” #21 exclaimed. “Sorry, but as you can guess from looking at me...” He pointed to the dirty briefs he was wearing. “There wasn’t enough clothes for all of us...”

Ranito understood that, he didn’t own that many changes of clothing himself. But... “Still, the original Ranito deserves them the most, right?”

“Yes, you’re right.” #21 agreed, yet he looked perplexed. “But what does that have anything to do with you?”

Ranito stammered. “W-w-w-well, you know, as the original Ranito, I should...”

To his surprise, #21 burst out laughing. “Seriously? Do you really believe that? Have you seen your fat naked ass on the mirror lately?” And after leaving that cryptic question to Ranito, #21 headed to the kitchen.

“Wait... No, it can’t be...” Ranito felt a pit opening up inside him. He hurried up the stairs in a panic and locked himself in the bathroom. He took a deep breath and mooned his own reflection on the mirror. His sweating face turned around and looked with fear at his reflected buttcheek...

#26.

***

“Yeesh, I’m exhausted.” The frog wearing fresh summer clothing which obscured the “#17” painted on his buttcheek complained. #18 and him had been working hard on baking the chocolate cake... Which only Ranito #02 had the pleasure to taste-test. “That damn frog, he treats us like that because his number is way lower than us... Ugh! As if that made him superior or something.” The seventeenth clone went out to the garden and plopped down on the grass.

#18, wearing his warm winter clothing, sat down next to him. “Well, I’ve heard that clones with lower numbers have a lower chance to turn out defective, so maybe it’s for the best.” The shy frog embraced his own arms. “I’ve heard from #21 that #26 has memory issues... He doesn’t remember yesterday’s briefing and believes himself to be the original Ranito...” #18’s face grimaced with worry. “What if that means... That I’m more disposable and worthless than you...?”

#17 looked up at #18. His shy little ‘brother’ seemed to be in the verge of tears. “T-t-that’s not true at all!” The frog in summer clothing objected to that crazy idea. “We’re all the same! No one of us is worth more than the other! We’re all Ranito’s clones, we were all created with the same end! And besides, you are... Uh... Nevermind.”

#18 was motivated by his older companion’s speech, but he was curious about that last part. “I’m what...?”

The face of #17 got all red. “W-w-w-well, I think you’re cuter than the other clones. Maybe it’s just the clothes, but you struck out to me as more ‘protectable’ than the others...”

“Oh, really?” #18 was embarrassed. “Protectable? What does that mean?”

“Uh... It’s just that when I look at you I really want to protect you for some reason... B-b-but it doesn’t necessarily mean that...!”

#18 held #17’s hands. “It’s ok, I actually...feel the same thing towards you...”

“BOOOOOOOOO! Hey, why don’t you two kiss already?!” A small cockroach suddenly appeared between the two lovebirds. The little thing seemed mad.

“W-what the hell?!” #17 got startled and was about to crush the disgusting thing with his hand when #18 stopped him.

“No, don’t kill it, that’s Ranito #25!”

“What...?!” #17 Looked at the small insect. The chubby cockroach turned around and stuck its ass out at the two frogs. Effectively, there was a small #25 written on the lower part of its back.

“I’m sick of all of you Ranitos having so much fun around me! I’m a Ranito clone as well, don’t I deserve a little love too?! Yeah, sure, I turned out as the wrong species, but my mind is not defective at all! I’m a bona-fide Ranito! With all of his memories and talents! Want me to write an erotic story about talking penises? I can do it no problem...! Hey! Where are you two going?! No, don’t close the garden door! ...Fuck.”

***

#02 went over to answer the front door. “Yikes, the original Ranito is here already?! Dammit! #06 and #09, stop sucking each other’s dicks and get the table ready! #17 and #18, get the cake! #03, enough with the porn and get the motherfucking candles!...”

“Shouldn’t I wash my hands first?” #03 asked.

#21 patted #02’s chubby head. “Hey, don’t worry so much. Everything will be fine. It’s Ranito we’re talking about. We were made for him.”

Even so, #02 couldn’t help but feel nervous. As the clone with the lowest number, he had a lot of responsibilities to take. After a few breaths, he opened the door and there he saw Ranito.

Ranito was wearing his usual clothes. His signature black-framed glasses, a blue jacket that let his belly hang out, brown shorts and his ridiculous-looking beach sandals. Ranito looked at all his clones and gave out a short speech. “Uh...He-hello...”

#02 went over and shook the original Ranito’s hands with too much enthusiasm. “Finally, you came back! We’ve all been working very hard for your birthday party! Specially me!”

Lots of the other Ranitos complained that they weren’t being given enough credit, but Ranito seemed happy. “W-w-well... I’m glad you worked so hard, everyone... I appreciate all you’ve done for me...” He seemed shy as ever, but all the other Ranitos cheered at hearing the original Ranito complimenting them.

“Did you hear?! He thanked *me*!” Said #06 in excitement.

“He thanked all of us, you delusional idiot...” Reprimanded #21.

Ranito got into the living room and the other Ranitos invited him to sit down on the sofa.

“So, tell us, big guy! How was the escape room event?!”

“It was very fun!” Ranito’s eyes lit up. “Together, we were 9 Ranitos in total. The time limit was 9 hours and the escape room had 9 doors to open up...!” The other Ranitos listened closely. “And of course, I won. Although I have the impression that the other eight Ranitos let me win just because I’m the original one... But it was exciting nonetheless!”

All the Ranitos in the house were looking up at the original Ranito like he was some kind of action hero... Except one.

It was a Ranito that had woken up later than all the others and also was the only one of them to not be wearing a single article of clothing. It was Ranito #26.

#26 still couldn’t get over the fact that he was a clone. A fake that was destined to die that same night. However, he still had a glimmer of hope inside him...

The nude clone got close to the original Ranito and asked him if he could make an important question. The original Ranito, shy and fearful of the apparently very important matter, stood up and faced the clone. He didn’t seem to be too concerned about clone #26’s lack of clothing. In fact #26 seemed more self-conscious than the original Ranito was at the moment.

“Well, you see,” #26 began to say. “I was wondering about that crack on the wall, doesn’t it look dangerous?”

“U-uh?” Ranito turned around and examined the wall. “I don’t see any cracks...” “Well, *I* do!” #26 then with a quick motion pantsed the original Ranito.

All the other clones were gasping in shock. The original Ranito covered his crotch and began to yell and cry when he realized the ‘crack’ down his back was showing.

Even though it had been #26’s own idea, he felt devastated when he stared at the original Ranito’s buttocks.

“...There’s... No number...”

#26 couldn’t believe it. The original Ranito’s buttcheeks were completely green. That meant that there was absolutely no doubt that this frog was the original Ranito.

“But I... I was completely sure he was lying...!” #26 thought.

Luckily for #26, all the other clones thought it was just a harmless prank. It was something Ranito would definitely do in one of his fantasies, so they didn’t reprimand him too much.

The original Ranito, however, looked a bit pissed off. As was #21. The twenty-first clone went next to #26 internal ears and whispered:

“Don’t blow it, clone number twenty six. Another prank and you’ll be expelled from the birthday party.”

#26 was sure he meant it.

***

Being expelled from what you initially thought was going to be your own birthday party would be definitely sad, so #26 made sure not to ‘blow it’ after that. He was still afraid of what was going to happen to him come midnight, though.

It got dark outside. The original Ranito smiled and croaked merrily when they brought him the big chocolate birthday cake. “I know you made it for me, but I’d like to share it with all of you... Oh, #26, there’s not enough for you, I hope you don’t mind.” Ranito looked at #26 with a hint of malice in his eyes.

“It's fine... I’m n-not hungry anyway...” #26 lied. Damn, that cake looked tasty.

#02 suddenly got pissed off at #03. “Hey, I thought I told you to grab the candles! You useless piece of green shit!”

#03 began to hastily apologize. But the original Ranito wasn’t mad. “It’s ok, on the way back from the escape room I bought something fun we could use instead.” Ranito took out a big pink candle out from his pocket and inserted it deep into the cake.

“Woahhh! Hahaha!” The Ranitos laughed. The candle was shaped like a human penis.

“I thought it would be fine... to ‘blow’ something like that...” Ranito chuckled a bit at his own joke.

All clones except #26 croaked out a happy birthday song to the original Ranito, who blushed in embarrassment. After the embarrassed frog blew the candle it was finally time to cut the cake in slices. #26 thought about his amazingly bad luck. He was the only one being left out from having cake.

“So good!” #17 croaked with pure bliss.

“I know, I taste-tested it before, so it’s all thanks to me!” #02 declared.

“Jerk...” #21 said with his mouth full.

“You know what’s a pity?” #18 asked. “The fact that the other 8 clones who went with the original Ranito to play in the escape room missed out from having some cake.”

#26 had thought about that, but didn’t give it much importance. After all, there wouldn’t be enough cake for all those hungry frogs in any case.

But clone #03 thought it was weird. “Now that I think about it... Ranito, why did you come back alone? Shouldn’t the other 8 clones have accompanied you back home?”

#02 thought it was an absurd question to make. “Well, Ranito was the one who completed the game first, so most probably they’re still trying to get out from the escape room...”

Ranito laughed. “Nah, that’s not it.” He smiled as he looked at the clones. “I just smuggled in a gun into the game and shoot all of them down once the doors closed. It was so easy. They’d do anything to please the original Ranito. They believed so much in me that they fell into all my traps.”

Some of the clones chuckled a bit. “Haha, nice joke...”

“Clone number #12 was so fun to kill. He was the last one to die. He’d gotten so scared by all the blood he’d seen... The way he screamed for the doors to open before I shoot him in the back of the head... Priceless.”

The clones were becoming increasingly agitated. “Ranito,” #02 said. “You’re going a bit too far, you’re scaring us...”

#18 was so scared he felt like he was about to puke at any second. “#17, he’s joking right?” #17 couldn’t bring himself to answer.

“I don’t feel good... Like at all...” #06 stated. He clutched his stomach and slowly let himself drop down to the floor. “Hahaha, it’s alright.” Ranito stated. “All clones must die tonight. That’s what the briefing stated, right? So you shouldn’t feel bad if I decide to kill some of you a little sooner than that.”

#26 was scared as fuck. He really, really wished this was all a comeback prank for the pantsing from earlier.

“But...” Ranito continued. “While it’s true that all clones aged rapidly into Ranito’s current age there’s no evidence clones would continue aging until they died by old age by tonight. Sorry if I was being a bit misleading when I gave you that briefing!” Ranito smiled. And then he started to cough loudly. His voice was becoming a bit hoarse.

#02 really got pissed off. “So when you said us clones wouldn’t last longer than a day and a half you didn’t meant we’d die of old age, but that you’d murder us?!”

The remaining frogs were becoming increasingly agitated. “I refuse to believe it!” #03 objected. “Ranito is not some sadistic frog who’d create twenty-five copies of himself just so he could kill them all for entertainment!”

“That’s right, #03!” #02 said. “This monster... He couldn’t possibly be Ranito! Quick, #03, restrain him!” But when he looked at #03 the clone was laying on the floor clutching his belly. “What the...” #02 felt his own belly growling in pain. He glanced at the other clones, all of them were in pain except for #26. “The cake... It was poisoned?! Impossible, I taste-tested it!”

#26 was surrounded by moaning Ranitos falling into the floor in pain. The naked frog was astonished. “That damn jerk... When he inserted the penis-shaped candle into the cake he was actually injecting poison!” He looked at the Ranito chuckling to himself. “Using a penis-shaped object was a cheap trick! How you dare take advantage of my fondness of phallic symbols?!”

Ranito stood up. He looked at the frogs moaning in pain on the floor with disdain. “Who cares, they’re just clones... Nobody’s going to miss them...” Ranito traversed the pile of collapsed bodies towards #26, stepping on the face of some of them in the process.

#02 consciousness was about to fade away forever. “#26... Run...!” Were his last words before his pupils lost all trace of life.

#26’s green legs were shaking like jello but the clone obeyed his brother’s last wish and stormed out through the front door. Ranito just followed his trail with a calm expression on his face. He knew exactly where the frog would hide.

The clone was running as fast as he’d ever ran. He didn’t even bother covering his yellow crotch anymore, his small prick swaying from side to side like a stray worm. His moobs were sweating bullets, but he couldn’t give up. He had to honor his brothers’ merciless deaths.

He found the perfect place to hide: a dumpster full of black trash bags. If he climbed inside, closed the lid and put the trash bags on him as an extra measure of protection he’d never be found!

Or so he thought.

“Hey what the fuck, this is my dumpster, go get your own!” Yelled a chubby cockroach next to the hidden frog.

“What the...?” #26 was surprised by the talking insect.

“My dumpster is in such a sweet spot.” The bug with ‘#25’ scribbled on his butt kept rambling on. “It’s in a dark corner yet it’s a walking distance from home! I’m not giving it to anyone! Much less to another of you froggy clones! You prudes act like I’m not of you because I’m a...!”

Suddenly the dumpster lid got opened. Ranito smiled at #26 and #25. “I knew you’d hide in here... You’re so predictable, me.”

Both the nude frog and the cockroach looked at Ranito with terror. Ranito laughed so hard he croaked, but his croaking was much more sinister and ominous than Ranito could’ve ever possibly croak. The fiend then took out something from his pocket.

“C’mon, it’s time to put an end to this.”

***

Hank G. Hawk’s legs were exhausted after all that sex. Yet his huge hard cock was still yearning for more. Oh fuck, this birthday party was going so perfectly. And the best was about to come.

All his friends were over at The Beavers’ concert, but he had excused himself into the room he had been assigned by the nudist’s resort staff. He’d just had a foursome but he had asked the nude hotties to leave for a moment because he needed to make a phone call.

He searched the drawers and took out a very old-fashioned pink feature cellphone. It was only able to place and receive calls from a certain contact. “Hehehe, it’s almost midnight. I wonder how the fat fag is doing... He must be scared shitless by now, or worse. Teehee.”

The nude and sensually muscular hawk placed a call and the recipient answered instantly.

“How did it go?” Asked Hank.

“Open the door.” Was the firm answer.

Hank was a bit surprised by the reply. He opened the bedroom door and effectively he saw an obese frog standing still with a very serious expression on his face.

“Woah, I didn’t expect you to actually come all the way here... Ranito clone #01.”

#01 took the liberty of stepping inside Hank’s bedroom. Hank looked at the fat amphibian with disgust. It was his own creation, but still, the clone looked like an ugly nerd.

“This is a nude resort but I guess it’s fine if you keep your clothes on...” Hank said trying to make some small talk. “...Anyway, about the others...”

“They’re all dead, just as you programmed me to.” #01 replied nonchalantly. He opened Hank’s closet and looked at the hawk’s clothes. There was only one change of clothes but the jacket inside was to the frog’s liking. “Nice sports jacket.” He said as he took it out.

“Ah, so, all of them dead...” Hank replied.

“I like the writing on it.” The frog kept talking about the jacket. It was a sports jacket and in the backside there was ‘I’m number one, suckas!’ written on it. “It’s because I like the number. I like being #01.”

“Uh...Yeah...” Hank said awkwardly. Without bothering to ask, the frog took off his signature blue jacket and put on the hawk’s sportswear. The frog admired himself on the mirror. He took one of Hank’s towels and cleaned off his butt with it, leaving a stain of green foundation on the thing. Then he threw the towel at Hank’s face.

“It itched.” Said the frog with #01 written on his buttcheek.

“I see...” Hank was getting a bit uncomfortable being around the frog. He’d always been repugnated by those foul-smelling amphibians and he didn’t like #01 touching all of his stuff. “...So, all the frogs are gone?”

“Yes.”

Hank smiled inwardly. He didn’t actually thought the plan would work this perfectly. “Amazing work... You made sure to make it look like the pervert killed himself right? I don’t want anybody suspecting me in the slightest.”

“Which pervert?” Asked #01.

“Well, you know, hehe.” Hank stammered. “The original Ranito...”

Suddenly #01 grabbed the hawk’s neck, squishing it until it looked like a noodle.

“I didn’t kill the original Ranito.” #01 stated coldly.

“W-w-wha...”

“You knew very well that while killing clones is a grey area because of legal technicalities, killing the original person is still murder. Yet you programmed one of the clones to kill all the frogs with a number assigned to them. Did you really think I was stupid enough to kill frog #26, when you only ordered 25 clones to be fabricated?!”

“T-t-that’s not true!” The hawk struggled to cry out. “I-I didn’t want you to actually kill Ranito, I just wanted to scare him as a birthday prank! I was scared that dirty frog’s party would get more guests than mineeeee!”

#01 threw the muscular hawk against the floor. The hawk was really scared. He had altered #01’s DNA during its inception to have the sadistic urges of a serial killer. This fucking frog could very well kill him!

“No, you can’t do this!” Hank cried out. “My papa owns the research facility who created you... We have a lot of money! In fact all the guests to my party were bribed! I’ll give you whatever you want!” The frog loomed menacingly towards the hawk whose penis deflated and dripped some urine. “Just don’t kill meeeee!”

“Killing you would be the easy way.” The frog said. “I won’t rest until I let everyone know about what you attempted to do... Until then, I just want to see you suffer...”

“No! Don’t hurt me! I’m too beautiful to be beaten up!” The bird cried.

“I won’t beat you up either.” The frog answered. “...Yet. For the moment I just want to ruin your reputation.”

***

Ranito couldn’t believe the day’s events. He woke up thinking it was going to be a lonely birthday, then he found a lot of clones of himself, after that he really thought that he was clone #26 himself, then clone #01 disguised as the original Ranito had killed the other frog clones, but at the last moment #01 had spared his life because according to him someone else had programmed him to be a killing machine, and took out from his pocket some keys for a garbage truck.

“I can’t believe I’m actually driving... Naked... Without glasses... Nor a license...” Ranito said.

“Watch out with that tree! Ahhhh!” The cockroach known as clone #25 yelled. “Phew... That was close.”

Ranito drove the truck to the top of a giant hill. Far away down the hill he could see some sort of concert. “Oh shit, aren’t those The Beavers? I wish I had some binoculars.”

“Just do what #01 ordered you to do...” Said the cockroach.

Ranito positioned the truck in place. “Ok, this is quite messed up, but if it’s part of #01’s plan then I hope it accomplishes something...” He took a deep breath and pressed a button on the dashboard. The garbage truck made a heavy sound and dropped its contents down the hill.

Down in Hank’s party, the naked guests were wondering where Hank was. “He promised me one thousand if I went to this party and I don’t even know who the hell he is yet.” Said one. “I heard he’s in his bedroom doing a foursome with prostitutes.” Said another.

“Hey, what’s that?” Yelled one of the guests. He pointed to a mass of something green falling down the hill at high speed. “It’s rolling down quite fast...” The Beavers stopped playing their instruments and wondered what was causing that commotion as well.

“They’re a lot! Oh fuck, are those frogs?! They’re naked!”

“Forget about that... They’re DEAD!”

The guests ran away but most of them got caught up in the stampede of dead Ranitos. Clones #02 through #24, all of them now naked, obese and smelly corpses. Each of them with a sticky note glued to their bellies with the written words “Made with pride by the G. Hawk Corporation”.

***

“W-What’s happening outside?!” Hank screamed like a little girl. He could hear people running away in terror.

#01 croaked evilly. The sadistic frog knew Ranito and the tiny cockroach were done with their part of the job, but he still had private matters to discuss with a certain naked bird.

Hank stood up. “I don’t care if I gave you the sadism of a serial killer, your body is still that of a pathetic overweight frog!”

“You’re right.” #01 coldly replied. “My frog body is so morbidly obese...”

Hank tried to punch the frog, but #01 used all the weight on his body to turn the tables around like a heavyweight pro wrestler.

“N-no way!” Hank cried out in pain.

The frog grabbed Hank in a headlock, burying his beak between his moobs. “I’m so morbidly obese my voluptuous chest could suffocate you to death...”

“Stop, you fucking frog! Your B.O. is disgusting!”

“I know, I'm such a slob...” #01 then dropped his pants and revealed two huge green orbs to the bird. One of the orbs still had the clone’s number written on it, but both were equally disgusting to Hank. “N-no, please don’t...”

“My B.O. is disgusting, I know. Maybe you should take some fresh air...”

“You bas-” Hank’s cries were interrupted by a giant blast of toxic gas. #01 made sure to keep the bird’s beak wide open during the whole process.

The bird began to feel sick. When the frog lessened his grip Hank dropped to the floor, powerless and almost unconscious.

Almost. Because before he could take the privilege of passing out #01 still wanted more revenge.

“I’m such a pathetic nerd.” #01 stated. His voice was serious and monotone. “I’m nothing against a muscle stud like you, with your huge pectorals...” The frog caressed them. “Your hard-as-rock abs...” The frog ran his slimy hands down them. “And your big wang...”

Hank yelped when he felt his long flaccid penis being grabbed unceremoniously. It wasn’t sensual at all. The hands handling his genitals were cold and methodical. And a fucking frog was doing it all.

“Why doesn’t it get hard? Are you scared?” #01’s disturbing monologue continued. “Am... i... Not good enough for you? Is that why you didn’t invite me to your birthday party? That’s it?”

“Shut up!” Hank yelled, but his voice had no strength at all.

#01 held the deflated sausage with his fingers. Then he whipped out his own yellow penis for a comparison. “I’m nothing compared to you... You’re... A real man...”

“ARRRRRGHHHH!” Hank screamed. His testicles were being mercilessly crushed by the frog’s fat fingers. “STOOOOOP! PLEASE ANYTHING BUT-!”

Expecting that reaction, the frog put a slimy finger inside Hank’s open beak.

“Suck.”

Hank was in tears. Feeling utterly powerless he sucked the amphibian finger. He could taste the sweat, the slime, the slippery frog skin... The bird felt so humiliated.

“That’s a good birdie.” The frog petted Hank’s head.

Hank felt devastated. His will had been broken.

“The worst part is over.” #01 said. His words were reassuring, but his voice was cold. “Now just relax, I know you are disgusted by frogs, but all that struggling made me grow a boner. That’s the thing you’re sucking next.”

Hank kept on sucking and licking #01’s finger with a whimper.

“I wonder why you dislike fat frogs so much. Most probably you’re just scared of them. You’re always showing off but deep down you are still a scared little fledgling. You’re going to have a hard time when it’s time to leave the nest...” #01 removed his finger and rammed his hard cock inside the crying bird’s beak. “...Pathetic.”

***

When the police eventually got inside Hank’s bedroom they found that the whole room had been ransacked. They found a shivering bird hidden in the closet completely in the nude. His face showed evidence of having been in some sort of fight and his feathers were full of dried semen, but realizing the police were investigating the frog bodies the hawk opted to remain silent and so the uniformed men brought the humiliated naked bird into custody.

Hank G. Hawk’s reputation plummeted after that. His father ended up in prison and G. Hawk Corporation was closed down after it was found out they were conducting illegal experiments. Out in the street and without a dime, the young bird wouldn’t be able to bribe anyone for a really long time.

“So what are you going to do now?” Ranito asked #01 at sunrise. The original frog had finally gotten his signature clothes and glasses back and his clone now wore a sports jacket that had previously belonged to Hank.

“I have no other choice but to disappear. I need to figure out if Hank’s programming is still inside my head. I could still be dangerous... Most probably, I am.” He said. “So while I may share all your memories until now, from now on I want to have my own life.”

Ranito seemed sad but #01 smiled and handed him a pink feature cell phone.

“Feel free to call me if you ever find yourself in trouble.” #01 said. “Or if you find some good TFs on the net.”

“Will do!” Ranito promised.

“I want to have my own life as well.” The cockroach chimed in. “I know you’ll miss me a lot...”

“Err... Yeah, sure... A lot...” Ranito reassured the bug without much confidence.

Ranito waved at the two clones as they left towards the horizon. It had been an hectic few days and he had lost a lot of clones along the way, but in the end he had met new friends and that was the best birthday gift the frog could’ve ever wish for.

[grrside]

Ivan’s Fatass Father

Ivan’s Fatass Father -a grrside story-

Ivan's father was huge, and not in the good way. His obesity was a calamity of such gigantic proportions that when people saw him across the street they looked at the fat ball of lard as the same way they stared at a brutal traffic accident. The clothing stores never had clothes of his size, even the largest size available could barely cover his huge belly. And what a belly that was! It was a large mass of hairy, gelatinous fat that seemed to have a life of its own. The poor fat man seemed to have no neck, his round, unshaven and prematurely balding head sat on top of a mountain of sweaty flesh. If he were to enter a farm the farmhands would cry out “That ol’ pig sure is ripe for the slaughterhouse!”

Yes, Ivan's father was a colossus. A giant that smelled like a troll. A titan entirely made of fat. A heavyweight of all-you-can-eat buffets. An abominable error of creation.

That's why Ivan was embarrassed to be taken to the beach by him along with his best friend Antonio. The fatso was an eternally unemployed lazy bastard, yes, but unlike his busy mother the obese monster had enough free time to drive the car.

Oh, the car! So fresh and comfy inside...! The fat ball of lard wished he could drive through the middle of the beach. They had been looking for a good spot in the sand for five minutes and the fucking obese was about to melt like ice cream.

"Puff... Puff... This place looks good... Puff..." The father announced and with an audible sigh let the bags he was carrying collapse on the warm sand.

What he did next caused young Ivan to blush. The fat man searched inside the bag for the beach umbrella and then he spent a long time trying to keep the umbrella standing still. Not only was the whole scene a poetic metaphor for the father's sex life, but the hairy crack down his back was exposed to the two young men throughout the tedious process.

"Well, my job is done here." the fat man said when the umbrella and chairs were already in place. Without any hesitation, he placed his colossal buttocks on the chair that sank slowly and squeaking audibly as if clamoring for mercy.

“You’re a very kind sir for bringing us to the beach Mr. Juan Carlos. I hope it wasn’t too much hassle for you sir." Antonio said. The fat man was somewhat perplexed by the excessive manners of his son's friend. He’d always thought that Ivan only got together with the weirdest kids but this educated young man seemed different.

Ivan thought that the worst of his father’s ridiculous performance was already over but he was so wrong. His obese father, once seated and in the shade of the beach umbrella, took off his poorly-fitting shirt. The young man was terrified to see his father showing off his hairy man boobs to his best friend.

"Yeah, much better... I could not stand that tight thing anymore!" Exclaimed the relieved father without suspecting anything about the shame his son was currently enduring. His two hairy nipples stared pointy-eyed at the two young men and the fat man said "You two go and have fun. I'll stay here and take a short nap..."

"Mr. Juan Carlos, are you not going to have some fun too? I’m sure you sir could take a pleasant walk on the beach, jog by the sea breeze or even swim for a bit in the water. Those are some healthy activities a fine sir such as you.”

The fat man gave a small grimace of disgust at such suggestions. "Oh, don’t worry about ol’ me. I have lots of sandwiches and sodas so I won’t get bored for a long time!”

Ivan felt compelled to intervene. "Leave him, Antonio. He doesn’t enjoy that kind of stuff.” Antonio looked at Ivan perplexed. He didn’t understand why his friend was acting so weird since they arrived.

After the two young men changed into their swim trunks and swam in the refreshing sea for a long while, Antonio finally asked Ivan about what was worrying him so much.

"Oh, it's nothing, it's just... That I'd like my father to have a more active lifestyle. I'm ashamed that he's such lazy fatso."

Antonio was thoughtful. He was a very nice boy and was always willing to help people, but it would be difficult to help Ivan's father if the fat man himself did not want any help.

A while later, Ivan made a couple of lines on the wet sand with a stick. "This is a good place to play beach volleyball. My father must have put the ball inside the bag, let’s go ask him. I think it’s deflated, but luckily I have lungs of steel."

The two friends went to meet Ivan’s father, who had not moved from his spot all day. The hairy man was snoring, his big belly expanding and deflating at the rhythm of the snoring. Ivan rummaged through the bag, but only found a pile of empty snack wrappers. Angrily, he poked his father's hairy belly with his finger.

"Dad, dad! Where is the beach ball? I told you back at home to put it inside the bag!"

"Zzzzz...Uh? Oh! I completely forgot about it. Zzzzzz..." the father said half-awake. "... Search for something else to play with, the beach is so freaking big and full of things to do..." And immediately afterwards the talking mountain of a father once again fell into a deep sleep.

Ivan kicked the sand in frustration. “Argh! Why am I not surprised?"

Antonio watched both father and son with concern. Ivan was furious about his useless father, and the only thing his father was doing about it was to sleep it off. If only Antonio could do something to fix everything between those two...

And suddenly Antonio snapped his fingers. A good idea had occurred to the well-intentioned young man.

Antonio addressed Ivan. "What if I told you that we have the perfect beach ball right in front of us?"

"Uh? What do you mean?"

Antonio pointed at the father’s fat belly. Ivan still didn’t get it. Yes, it was true that his father's belly was huge and it seemed to float in the air. And obviously it already was very well inflated and everything. But he did not understand how that would solve their problems. There was no way to play beach volleyball with his perfectly round father unless they were to use...

"Magic? Are you for real?" Ivan's eyes widened.

"Mr. Juan Carlos... Mr. Juan Carlos...! Sir...!" Antonio woke the fat man up by gently caressing his gelatinous belly.

"Umm... Now what?" The fat man answered without even bothering to open his eyes.

"Do you sir mind if I practice my magic here on the beach with you?"

The fat man smiled with the satisfaction of being right. He just knew that Ivan only got together with the strangest of people and it turns out that Antonio is one of those magic practitioners that had become so popular lately. "Yeah right. Do whatever you want... Hah! Young people these days... " And once again Ivan’s fatass father fell asleep.

"Wow, I thought he would say no. My father is more open-minded than I thought." Ivan erroneously thought out loud.

Antonio looked at his friend with a big smile. He had barely done anything yet and Ivan's perception of his father was already beginning to change.

The two young men sat on either side of the fat whale. "Umm, what do you need?" Ivan asked.

"Oh, in normal conditions I would normally require many more things for a transmutation of this kind, even with my natural talent. But your father is so... " Antonio paused. He was going to say “fat” but it did not sound too polite. "... thick-boned, that surely his shape will shift easily enough to that of a beach ball."

Ivan looked thoughtfully at the immense body of his father. The body of a human being. A comically stocky body, but still that of a human being. A complex form replete with bodily tissues, organs, muscles and a bone structure. And then he imagined a beach ball. A simple piece of inflated rubber. Was his father really going to turn into *that*...?

The young practitioner closed his eyes and concentrated. He drew inside his mind a large sphere, well inflated, with absolutely nothing inside. A silly and simple shape whose only function was to stay full of as much air as possible...

...Not that there was much difference between that and the obese father.

Antonio raised his fingertips. He concentrated on diluting the shape he had imagined just now until it came out from the tip of each of his fingers. The test subject's son was fascinated to see how sparks seemed to come from his best friend's fingers. He never got tired of seeing Antonio practicing magic. The human guinea pig kept on snoring with total placidity, submerged in the most complete ignorance of what was about to happen to him.

Slowly and with great care Antonio put his fingers on the fat man's huge belly and began to caress the hairs around his navel. Anyone who saw the youngster at that moment would think he was applying sunscreen or massaging the giant man.

"(Wow, Mr. Juan Carlos' bellybutton is immense, if one of my fingers slipped inside that hungry black hole it would be difficult to retrieve it...)" Antonio thought, but he continued his circular movements without a single mistake.

"Oh, I see the first changes starting to appear!" Ivan exclaimed, pointing to his father's navel. In fact, the big hole was getting smaller, closing slowly, until it disappeared completely. It was impressive how the skin in the navel area remained smooth, leaving a small circle of hairless flesh in the immense fatty foliage. “Awesome!"

Of course Antonio had just begun. A beach ball did not need any hair and so his little massage continued going further causing the body hair on the belly of the fat man to disappear.

Technically it was not disappearing, it simply merged with the flesh. It was a small difference to the naked eye but this would make the hairy essence of Ivan's father not lost when ultimately returning it to its original state later on. Making permanent changes without express permission would be very discourteous and disrespectful to this sir... And besides, Antonio did not want their chair to get filled with a mountain of fallen hair. Of course during all this the fat man was not aware of anything, he simply gave a little moan of pleasure from time to time because of the tickling sensations he felt.

When Antonio finished "shaving" the belly of Ivan's father, now came the most complicated parts. A well-rounded ball can not afford to have unnecessary bulges, starting with those voluptuos manboobs.

The young man continued to apply his magic, the tits were gigantic and hairy with violently pointed nipples. And all of that must disappear.

"Ooh, a little bit more to the right..." the father said between loud snores, dreaming that he was in a massage parlor.

Massaging and squeezing a nicely round tit until leaving a completely flat area was harder than Antonio initially thought, but when he ended with the left breast he moved on to the right one.

"Oh, yes, over there...Like that..." the father moaned as his body was being slowly reformed.

"Can I help with something?" Ivan asked.

"Oh, yes, thanks. Just help me raise his arms while I mold them."

Antonio lifted one of his father's hairy arms until it was raised at a 90-degree angle above the ground. It was easy but this left the abundant hair of his armpits in plain view.

"Ok, perfect, keep it in that position..." Antonio squeezed the fat man's hand, but not to greet the sir but to push the appendage hard making it slowly melt until the mass of hairy flesh got compacted against the now perfectly smooth torso. In a sense it was like kneading a bun until you got the desired shape.

"Alright, now the other one..."

The young men repeated the process with the other arm, and then Antonio performed a similar process with his legs, squeezing them until the completely dry swim trunks of the fat man had no legs to cover any longer.

Ivan approached his father's head. It wasn’t exactly a fine example of beauty and it wasn’t much of a pity to lose the ugly thing momentarily but he feared that his father would wake up during this part of the process.

"Now we have to do his head, right?... Antonio?"

Antonio was finishing up rounding the bottom. Without legs it was easy enough, it was just a matter of pressing a finger on the groin until the tiny unnecessary lump that was clogging the inside of the swimsuit disappeared. "Oh, did you say something?"

"What are we missing?"

"I've already molded the genitals. What’s left for us is to eliminate his head, round out his back and his backside... Oh, I do not think he has problems with that last one, his butt is very round already. And then remove the last hairs that are left, convert his internal organs into air and give it some texture. A simple one I think will suffice... Judging by his lack of any skin tan at all... How about a pattern of pink and white stripes?"

The fat father could not understand much of what they were talking about, but the little bit he did understand made him terrified... What a strange dream...

"Sounds good." Ivan answered with a thumbs up. "The whole process is going smoothly and well-rounded, hehe."

"Ok, then help me put pressure on his head. It must be easy to merge it, he hardly has a neck. When we’re finished with this all of his body will be just a round ball."

Ivan's father woke up. He raised his eyelids and was about to ask the kids what the hell they were up to but just as he was opening his mouth he felt a hard *SMACK*...! And another! And another...!

"Yes, that’s the way to do it. Keep applying pressure and kneading." Antonio said. Ivan was hitting his fatass father on the head with all his energy. The son was proud to be able to help with the transformation and... Why even deny it? He was also having a great time. Hitting the back of his father’s head was like hitting a very soft and squishy punching bag.

But this particular punching bag was alive. The father was very confused right now. The last thing he saw was his son's fist clenching his father’s head as if he wanted to sink it deep into his own body and then... Darkness.

"Boys? What are you doing? This is not funny!" The father wanted to say. But strangely he did not feel his lips. In fact, he did not feel his head, his arms, or his legs. All he felt was his belly. And his old gut right now was bigger than ever. The father felt like a silent and blind big meatball. He could hear the voices of his children, but they sounded obfuscated by his own body fat.

"Mmm ... Now that I think about it," He heard his son say. "Right now he’s a meatball, but won’t he get a little mad at us if he ever finds out what we've done with him?"

"There’s no need to worry," he heard the boy's friend say. "When applying the spell I made sure that when transforming Mr. Juan Carlos into his new inanimate state his conscience is always kept in the same state in which he was. In other words, if he were asleep during the transformation he will continue to dream peacefully as long as he is a ball. So don’t worry, we can play with him without fear of him ever waking up or feeling anything we do to him at all."

What the hell were these two talking about? "Hey, guys, I dunno what the hell you're talking about, but I'm fully awake and this is making me mad..."

"Oh, that sounds great!" Ivan answered. "So no matter how much we hit him he won’t remember anything, hehehe..." And as if taking advantage of this fact he squeezed the giant flesh-colored ball.

“ARGH! Hey, be more careful, that hurts!” Thought the ball as his son groped the area where his left tit used to be.

Antonio laughed at Ivan’s eagerness. "Hahaha, don’t start playing with Mr. Juan Carlos yet, I still have to seal his ass up."

"... What?" The ball shrank itself imperceptibly with utmost terror.

Antonio turned the ball over and began to rub its giant buttocks. "Ugh... They sure are hairy. I can’t wait for these ugly things to disappear. "

The ball would have blushed if it could when he felt his twins being caressed. "...Are ...Are you really touching my buns...?!"

"Once this is gone it will be a perfect ball. I really want to play beach volleyball with it. "

" ... GUYS! Stop touching me down there!" The ball wanted to turn around and tell the two kids to stop touching him in such an intimate place. He wanted to demand to know how or why he was to be turned into a big ball. He wanted them to know that he was fully awake and aware of the shameful touching, and that he did not approve of their behavior. He wanted to yell that he was a human with dignity and rights. But he could not. He did not own a mouth to communicate his opinions any more. He didn’t even had any limbs to protest with no longer. His eyes were submerged against what were formerly his fatty and hairy man tits. He felt like a big ball filled with squashed skin and crushed organs. The only thing he could still fell on his possession was his exposed ass. A big, hairy butt that was being raped by the hands of two kids who weren’t even touching it for their enjoyment: they were touching it to make it disappear. An instant later and he would lose his last visible vestiges of humanity: his ugly buttocks and buried between between them a deep and stinky...

...Wait, hold on...

Yes! He still had something on him that allowed him to communicate!

"...Poot!"

"... Uh?" Ivan swore that he had heard a sound coming out from his father's anus.

"... Poot! POOT! Poot! POOT! Poot! ... "

" Ahhh! It’s farting! It smells terrible! "

"Ugh, it must be an involuntary reaction to the massage. We'd better hurry and seal it up before the smell infects the entire beach." Antonio cautioned.

"Sure..." Replied Ivan holding his nose.

At that moment, an old retired sailor who was for a relaxing walk at the beach seemed to hear something he had not heard in many years. It did not sound very clear, in fact it sounded muffled and... gassy? But it was clearly a distress signal in Morse code. The old man looked around but there were only two kids playing with a gigantic flesh-colored ball nearby. The distress signal faded shortly thereafter, and after chalking it up to an auditory hallucination because of his age the old man continued his walk.

"Yuck, thank goodness! I would not have survived if I had smelt just one more of those deadly farts." Ivan declared.

When his anus disappeared the hopes of the fleshy beach ball vanished in the same way. "Nooo! I do not want to be a ball!" Cried the ball to itself in silence.

Antonio stood on his feet and picked the heavy ball up. He closed his eyes again and concentrated on a pink and white pattern. The ball got further away from any resemblance of humanity when its flesh color was replaced by stripes of that same pattern.

"Oh, we’re finished already?" Ivan asked.

"Only one little thing remains ..." Antonio began to shake the ball with great force. Ivan's father got quite dizzy, but when the young man had shook his insides the ball suddenly stopped feeling like a great mass of crushed organs and instead felt... lighter.

"I have transformed all its interior into air. Now we can finally play with him anyway we want, teeheehee.” As if to prove it, Antonio threw the beach ball into the air and it actually floated for a bit and fell slowly and gracefully until it ultimately fell into the sand and stood still like any other regular beach ball. Antonio and Ivan looked at each other and smiled.

"It's not funny, you two! Give me my humanity back!" The ball was thinking down in the sand as it watched the two big human beings having such a good time.

Oh, woah!

The beach ball had just realized that his sense of sight had returned. His vision was slightly tinted with pink, as if he were looking through the filter of his colorful rubber body. His sense of hearing had also improved. His own fat no longer clogged the inside of his ears, although he heard everything as if the whole world was enclosed in a colossal balloon. The round object felt weird being inanimate, he wondered how its rubber surface was even able to smell the fresh sea breeze without a nose.

It was as if that final shake had adhered all of his senses into its thin plastic surface. He felt much lighter than before... Did this mean that now his whole body was a simple plastic tissue and everything else inside was just pure air? At the moment, the beach ball did not know if this predicament was an improvement over being buried in its own fat.

But that wasn’t important. What the beach ball really feared at this moment is that he still had no way to communicate with the two youngsters. Two youngsters who actively believed that the beach ball had as little emotion and feelings as any other. From Ivan and Antonio’s perspective the obese father was immersed in a deep sleep unable to feel anything of what was about to come to him. For them the useless fatso had disappeared and an inert and lifeless object had taken his place, ready for them to use at will.

The beach ball looked towards the beach umbrella. Under that umbrella lay a chair completely unoccupied except for a special sized swimsuit and a cap. That’s where the fat bastard should have been, doing nothing but snoring away. But nope, now the fat bastard was a fucking beach ball and the kids were going to force him to move a little for once in his uneventful couch potato life.

The ball stayed there, motionless. Nobody was aware of its pain. It wanted to return to the tranquility of that chair, to the protection of the sunlight from the beach umbrella, to have his swimsuit on again as a small reminiscence of his human dignity. But the naked inanimate object was at the mercy of whoever would pick him up from the warm sand.

Ivan picked his father up and gave him a couple of turns in the air. Then he turned to Antonio. "Come on, let’s play a match to the best of 10."

The two boys went to the wet sand where Ivan had prepared the lines a while ago. The kid took a deep breath and placed himself in serving position.

"... Ivan..." The ball looked sadly at its son. His son did not even give the ball the consolation of looking at it while it was talking. He was pensively looking at the horizon plotting his game strategy. "Please, son. I'm your father... Can you not understand that I- "

"Take that! "Ivan yelled slapping his father's ass extremely hard on his serve.

"MY BUUUUUUUUUUUUUTT!!!" The ball screamed like a crying baby through the air. His field of vision kept going around and around. If he’d still have had a stomach its contents would have been completely scrambled.

"Incoming!" Antonio greeted the spherical father of Ivan by giving him a big punch in the face.

"WUUUUARGH!"

"Mine, mine!" Ivan played with the ball without any qualms. It was very hard to imagine that this pink ball used to be his father... So he did not even bother thinking about it.

After a few excruciatingly long minutes of being mercilessly hit back and forth the helpless ball could feel bruises all over his round body. Until...

"Watch out! It’s floating away!" One of the youths shouted.

The father felt incredibly lucky to have fallen far away from them, even with his face buried in the sand like this. The hurt and tired ball gave out a big sigh. It would not take much more than ten seconds for his son and his friend to pick him up and the pummeling would recommence once again but until then, those ten seconds of rest felt like glory to him. He wished he could ask someone for help. To anyone. But all the other beach goers saw him as yet another lost ball, instead of a upside down and completely naked human being

Being buried in the sand like this made him reminisce of that one time many years ago, when Ivan was a kid. Little Ivan was playing with his toy shovel and bucket and had buried his father’s body completely under the sand. "Look mom, dad is just a detached round head now!" The little boy had said at the time, promptly causing both parents to laugh at the absurd idea.

Of course that was just a very funny and innocent optical illusion. In the present, the father was effectively no more than a round ball but presently, unlike those old times, there wasn’t a buried obese human body hidden under the sand.

"What do you think, Ivan? Mr. Juan Carlos doesn’t seem as useless now, am I wrong?"

“Uh...?" Young man Ivan was slow to answer the question. Oh, it's true, that ball full of hot air is my father, I had forgotten already - that's what he thought. "Well, I guess that fat guy turned out to be as useful as a giant inanimate ball. For better or for worse."

Ivan pulled his father out from the sand. It had been quick and easy, unlike trying to make him stand up from the couch when he had been human.

The ball sighed deeply with reluctance. "There we go again... Let's see when these two get tired...Young people are always full of energy... "

But Ivan simply stared at his father's ass. "...Humm?"

The ball kept on sighing loudly. "At least you can’t complain to your mother that I haven’t exercised at all this summer... Uh? What’s wrong?" Then the ball realized something. Not only was he sighing to himself, but he could feel that his round ball form was expelling actual air.

"Antonio... Why is my father deflating?"

"...Wait, I am doing WHAT?!" The ball got startled and began to release air more quickly.

The young magic practitioner put his ear next to the ball. A ball that would now be sweating bullets if it could. "I hear a faint sound..."

Oh no. Oh, no, NO! Had a hole been made...? What would happen to it if it lost all of its air...? Would it become useless as a ball? No, forget that. This ball was a human, not an object. Its usefulness and pride as a useful item wasn’t relevant to the matter at hand. But what if its air loss would render it impossible to recover its original form? The amount of energy in the universe must remain constant and all that crap, didn’t a famous scientist say something like that? Sigmund Freud, maybe?

"Ah, here's the problem." Antonio announced pointing to a very specific part of the ball. "We forgot to plug this thing."

"...And what is that thing?" Ivan asked in ignorance.

"Holy Heavens! Ivan, do you really not know the basic anatomy of a beach ball?" Antonio cocked his head. "That’s its air valve."

For some reason the ball got hot and bothered when Antonio made mention of his valve aloud.

"I don’t see anything..." Ivan said. "Ah! You mean that extremely tiny piece of clear plastic crushed between those two folds?"

"Exactly!"

The ball blushed. "Boys! No need to pour more salt into the wound! My air valve is above average. It’s the envy of all championship balls! They would kill to have a valve half the size of mine!”

"And how do we plug it? "Ivan asked unable to hear the pathetic excuses coming from the ball.

"Do you see this piece of leftover plastic hanging from the tip? That's the plug."

"You mean this?" Ivan grabbed the plug nonchalantly.

"...WOAAAAAAAAAH!" The ball’s pink rubber coating turned red with shame. Its own son was squeezing the piece of plastic that dangled down its sensitive valve and it felt really ticklish. It felt almost like... No, it definitely was its...

Despite his claims, Ivan's father's penis was no big deal. It was clearly much smaller than his pride would let him admit. Also, he wasn’t circumcised and the slightest touch under his foreskin made his glans tickle horribly.

Just like the tickling he was feeling right now.

"What do I do with this thing? I close it and that's it?" Ivan asked holding his father's foreskin. He was wiggling it without care like any piece of cheap plastic.

"... Fu-Fuck! Do whatever, but do it now! "The ball begged.

"It’s plain obvious that doing so would cause the air leakage to stop." Antonio answered. "But since he's already lost so much air, we'd better inflate it a bit before doing that."

Aha! It made perfect sense! Inflate the ball a bit through its air valve. That way he would be grow big and round and they could play with him once again. Yes, the boys would use their lungs to inflate the ball until it was hard and stiff...

...

"... WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU SAYING?! But-but..."

"We can take turns so we don’t get as tired." Antonio suggested.

"Good idea, you first. The valve is somewhat sunken between those fat rolls, you'll have to tease it for a bit with your tongue before it pokes its head out."

"Umm... Guys? "

"Ok.” Antonio grabbed the ball strategically pointing its crotch area towards his mouth.

"...You remember that actually I’m human, right?..."

Antonio moved his lips closer...

"...It may sound funny, but I think the valve that you are about to suck is my penis..."

Antonio's tongue stimulated the father's groin and his penis awoke from its hiding place successfully.

"...It’s for real! It isn’t a joke! That little thing is my cock! Maybe it's not as big as I claimed but it still is a dick! A grown man’s hairy cock! Do you really want to suck something nasty like that?! Please, stop! If someone were to find out that- WOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! "

Antonio's fleshy, hot lips wrapped around the manliness of Ivan's father. The father's cock stiffened instantly and a tingling sensation enveloped the fat man's body. It was a very erotic yet embarrassing feeling. Very stimulating yet disturbing. It was glorious, yet despairing. "It... It... It feels so good..." The father moaned with pleasure.

Of course from Antonio’s point of view the plastic valve was cold and dull. It was such a boring action that the tiny effort of blowing the little thing was becoming an herculean task to the young man.

But the pleasure trip Ivan's father also was of herculean proportions. "Fu-fuck... What if I've been wrong about my sexuality all these years? I don’t want this kid to stop...Ever! God, fuck! I wish I could cum but this guy won’t let a single drop of my air loose! Fuck, Antonio, DO NOT STOP!"

Antonio grabbed the backside of the ball so that the object would not slip out of his hands.

To the father this felt like the man sucking his cock was grabbing his buttcheeks so he wouldn’t be able to escape from the blowjob. The dude was grabbing him so tightly... Dear Lord, the father loved to be dominated during sex. It made him so stiff...

"Your cheeks are getting red, Antonio." Ivan said. "Hand it over, I’ll finish the deal."

Antonio stopped blowing but he enclosed the ball’s valve with his fingers so that the air that he had worked so hard to put inside would not come out. After handing the ball over to Ivan he could finally recover his breath.

The father was in ecstasy. He felt that he was about to shoot the biggest cumshot of his life. But the fingers prevented him from cumming. His brain and his cock only had one thought in mind: the long awaited liberation of his man seed... Wait, why has Antonio stopped blowing? ...Why was the face of his own son coming into view...? ...No, wait, being sucked by a random guy was a real fucking good experience but... No, not his own son!

"No, Ivan! It's me, your father! Don’t suck me! That's so wrong! No! NOOOOOOOOO!”

Ivan was about to make the biggest mistake of his life and his father could not do anything to prevent it. The least he could do was to endure the whole thing. Fuck, Ivan was about to close his lips... He could already feel the breath of his son on his man parts and... Oh shit, he was about to cum...

...

...

...

And so, Ivan blowed the inanimate ball.

"That's it. Nothing more, nothing less. I'm just a ball. It’s impossible that this boy is my son. I'm just a cheap beach ball. Hehehe! I can’t think. I'm just a ball. This youngster is just blowing up his ball to play an innocent game. I'm not feeling anything pleasant. I am a ball. Hahaha! YES! This is fucking normal. Nobody cares what this guy does with his inanimate ball. No, nothing is happening ... Nothing .... Nothing ... I'm a ball that ... Loves to be sucked by Ivan’s expert lips... WHAT?! NO! I AM A BALL! I AM A BALL! THIS IS NOT...FUCK! HE’S STILL TAKING IT LIKE A SLUT ...! DO NOT STOP...! AAAAAARRRRGH!"

The father’s mind raced through states of denial and pleasure, until Ivan let go of the valve for a split second just to say: "Ok, I think that’s enough...”

But that was all the time the ball needed.

"NOOOOO! I WANT TO CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUM! "

"WOAH! "Ivan yelled. "What the hell ...?"

It happened too fast for neither of the two friends to react. The ball was trying so hard to shoot his insides out that as soon as the valve opened all of the air accumulated came out with so much force that it caused the ball to fly through the air.

“Good Heavens! It became a rocket!” Antonio yelled in both fear and amazement.

“YES! OH, GOD!” The father’s orgasm was astronomical. The two friends and the rest of the beach goers were laughing and pointing at the flying beach ball zigzagging through the skies propelled by the smelly gas that was coming out from its valve’s hole with ridiculous sounds that sounded like farts. “I DON’T WANT THIS TO EVER END! I FEEL FANTASTIC! I FEEL LIKE...!”

But like all orgasms, the ball’s flight was as ephemeral as it was intense. The ball ran out of gas mid-air and with a loud deflating sound the inanimate object shriveled and fell down.

“Oh, no!” Ivan exclaimed and both friends went running towards the ball’s landing spot.

“I’ve never seen a ball deflating with so much brute force. And to think it all came out from such a tiny air valve...” Antonio pointed out.

When both young men arrived to where Ivan’s father had collapsed they found themselves in front of a pitiful sight.

The ball was a flaccid, rubbery mess. It was completely deflated and it had shrunken until it had became unrecognizable as a ball. The air valve of the deflated rubbery thing looked like it was about to fall off.

“Ha...Hahaha...Cough! Cough!... It was all worth it!!!... Cough!” The deflated father laughed, completely intoxicated with the afterglow.

“Woah, my father has never looked this skinny!” Ivan said. “...Shall we turn him back?”

“I think it would be dangerous to return him to humanity like this... He’s changed too much from his original form...” Antonio answered.

“Mmmm... We should inflate him again, but inflating him from scratch like this would destroy our lungs... Oh! I know! Why don’t we use the tire inflator we have in the car?”

“Good thinking! Let’s go back to our spot to gather the car keys.”

Ivan collected the piece of dead skin that his father had turned into and wondered how it was possible that his useless father wasn’t capable of even playing a single game of beach volleyball with his son.

When both young men came back to the spot where they had left the sun umbrella and their bags, they realized that the sun was still high up and shining with glee. It was barely noon yet.

“What if we hold on about turning my father back for just a little while? It’s a wonderful day and after so much running and blowing I want to go for a another swim and get refreshed.” Ivan proposed.

Antonio agreed and after rolling up the piece of pink rubber into a wrinkly ball of flesh they stuffed it inside one of the bags and both men in the prime of their lives ran not only toward the wide sea but towards the bright and beautiful summer they had ahead of them.

Meanwhile...

“Oh! I like this place!” Thought the father inside the bag. He felt dizzy and intoxicated due to his lack of air. “It’s cold and there’s no need for sunglasses... And best of all, it smells like food in here!”

Ivan’s fatass father wasn’t wrong in the slightest. There he was. A wrinkled mess of inanimate rubber surrounded by lots of plastic bags full of sandwiches and leftover snacks. Maybe that was the most appropriate place for a ridiculous and utterly useless glutton of a beach ball like him.

“I wouldn’t mind staying here for a while, hehe. It’s the safest place in the whole beach after all!”

Just then a seagull perched on top of the bag. It was a very smart bird. It knew oh so well that human families were ingenious enough to let their bags full of delicious food unguarded while they were bathing in the sea. Confident in its hypothesis, the bird infiltrated its sharp and pointy beak inside the bag in search of a good meal.

In fact it was such a smart bird that it even knew that inside those tasteless human-made plastic wrappers you could find the tasty sandwiches that to the bird were treats worthy of the gods.

So, so smart the bird was that in fact it knew that it shouldn’t feel any remorse at all for destroying those inanimate wrappers with its beak. Nobody would ever miss those useless lifeless things so no sane person would ever need to feel bad for destroying something as worthless as that.

And the bird didn’t feel bad at all when it did.

[grrside]

El gordísimo padre de Iván

El gordísimo padre de Iván -Escrito por grrside-

El padre de Iván era en efecto descomunal, y no en el buen sentido. Su obesidad era un despropósito de tan gigantesco tamaño que cuando la gente le veía por la calle se le quedaba mirando como si de un brutal accidente de tráfico se tratara. Las tiendas de ropa nunca tenían ropa de su talla, incluso la más grande apenas podía cubrir su inmensa barriga. ¡Y qué barrigaza la suya! Era una gran masa de grasa peluda y gelatinosa que parecía tener vida propia. El pobre gordo parecía no tener ni cuello, su rechoncha cabeza sin afeitar estaba en la cima de una montaña de carne sudorosa. Y es que si lo vieran en un rancho los granjeros exclamarían “‘¡Ya está el cerdo listo para el matadero!” nada más verle llegar.

Si, el padre de Iván era un coloso. Un gigante rosa que olía a trol. Un titán hecho de grasa. Un peso pesado de los comilones. Un abominable error de la creación.

Por eso a Iván le daba algo de vergüenza que le acompañara a la playa junto a su mejor amigo Antonio. El gordo era un puto vago en eterna busca de empleo, sí. Pero a diferencia de su ocupada madre el obeso monstruoso estaba libre para conducir.

¡Oh, conducir! Ojalá permitieran conducir en medio de la playa. Llevaban cinco minutos buscando un buen sitio en la arena y el jodido obeso ya estaba a punto de derretirse como un helado.

“Uff... Puff... Este sitio parece bueno... Uff...” Anunció el padre y acto seguido dejó que las bolsas se desplomaran sobre la cálida arena.

Lo que hizo después provocó que a Iván se le sonrojaran las mejillas. El gordo se puso a rebuscar en la bolsa la sombrilla, y luego se llevó unos largos minutos intentando que la sombrilla se mantuviera en pie. No sólo era una poética metáfora de la vida sexual del padre sino que la raja peluda de su culo estuvo expuesta a los dos jóvenes durante todo el tedioso proceso.

“Bueno, esto ya está.” Dijo el gordo cuando ya estaban colocadas la sombrilla y las silla. Sin reparo alguno, colocó sus colosales nalgas sobre la silla que se hundió lentamente y chirriando audiblemente como si clamara piedad.

“Es muy amable de su parte traernos señor Juan Carlos. Espero que no haya sido demasiada molestia para usted.” Dijo Antonio. El gordo se quedó algo perplejo ante los modales del amigo de su hijo. Siempre pensó que Iván sólo se relacionaba con chavales de los más raros pero este parecía diferente.

Iván pensó que lo peor ya había pasado, pero se equivocaba gravemente. Su obeso padre, una vez sentado y en la sombra de la sombrilla de playa, se quitó su ajustada camiseta. El joven se aterrorizó al ver a su padre exhibir sus peludas tetazas de hombre frente a su mejor amigo.

“Uff, mucho mejor... ¡No aguantaba más!” Exclamaba el padre aliviado sin sospechar nada de la vergüenza que estaba soportando su hijo. Luego los dos peludos pezones y su respectivo dueño miraron a los dos jóvenes y éste último les dijo “Hala, que os divirtáis. Yo me quedaré aquí echándome una siestecita...”

“Señor Juan Carlos, ¿no va a divertirse usted también? Podría dar un gustoso paseo por la playa, jugar algún deporte o incluso nadar un poco en el agua también es saludable...”

El gordo soltó una pequeña mueca de asco ante tales sugerencias. “¡Oh, no te preocupes por mí, que tengo bocadillos y refrescos para no aburrirme!”

Iván se sintió obligado a intervenir. “Déjale, Antonio. Que a él no le van esas cosas.” Antonio miró a Iván sin comprender por qué su amigo estaba tan callado desde que llegaron a la playa.

Después de que los jóvenes se cambiaran a sus ropas de baño y se dieran un par de chapuzones en el mar refrescante, Antonio finalmente le preguntó a Iván qué es lo que le preocupaba tanto.

“Oh, no es nada es sólo que... Me gustaria que mi padre fuera algo más activo. Me avergüenza que sea tan vago.”

Antonio se quedó pensativo. Era un chico muy amable y siempre estaba dispuesto a ayudar a la gente, pero sería difícil ayudar al padre de Iván si el gordo no quiere colaborar.

Un rato más tarde, Iván hizo un par de líneas sobre la arena mojada. “Este es un buen sitio para jugar al volley-playa. Mi padre debe tener la pelota en la bolsa, vamos a pedírsela. Lo malo es que está desinflada, más nos vale preparar los pulmones.”

Los dos amigos fueron al encuentro de su padre, que no se había movido del sitio en todo el día. El gordo estaba roncando, su barrigota inflándose y desinflándose al compás de cada ronquido. Iván rebuscó en la bolsa, pero sólo encontró un montón de envoltorios de bocadillos vacíos. Algo enfadado, punzó la barrigaza peluda de su padre con el dedo.

“Papá... ¡Papá! ¿Dónde está la pelota de playa? ¡Te dije que la metieras en la bolsa!”

“Uhh... Ahhh... Lo olvidé.” Dijo el padre entre ronquidos. “...Buscad otra cosa con la que jugar, la playa es grande...” E inmediatamente después el padre volvió a caer en un profundo sueño.

Iván pateó la arena. “¡Uff! ¿Por qué no me sorprende?”

Antonio observaba con preocupación. Iván estaba furioso con su inútil padre, y el padre lo único que hacía era vaguear más y más. Ojalá Antonio pudiera hacer algo para arreglar las cosas entre los dos...

Y de repente el joven chasqueó los dedos. Se le había ocurrido una buena idea. Antonio se dirigió a Iván.

“Iván, ¿y si te dijera que tenemos una buena pelota de playa aquí mismo?”

“¿Eh? ¿Qué dices?”

Antonio señaló a la masiva barriga de su gordo padre. Iván no lo terminaba de pillar. Sí, era verdad que la barriga de su padre era inmensa y parecía flotar en el aire. Y obviamente ya estaba muy bien inflada y todo. Pero no entendía cómo eso iba a solucionar su problema. No había forma de jugar al volley-playa con su perfectamente redondo padre a no ser que usara...

“¿...Magia? ¿En serio?” Los ojos de Iván se abrieron de par en par.

“Señor Juan Carlos... ¡Señor Juan Carlos...!” Antonio despertó al gordo acariciando suavemente su gelatinosa barriga.

“Umm... ¿Ahora qué?” El gordo respondió sin nisiquiera mirar.

“¿Le importa que practique mi magia aquí en la playa con usted?”

El gordo sonrió con la satisfacción de estar en lo cierto. Ya decía él que Iván solo se relacionaba con gente rara. Ahora resulta que Antonio es uno de esos practicantes de magia. “Sí, claro. Lo que queráis... Estos jóvenes de hoy en día...” Y una vez más el gordísimo padre de Iván se durmió.

“Vaya, creía que diría que no. Mi padre tiene la mente más abierta de lo que creía.” Iván pensó en voz alta.

Antonio le miró con una gran sonrisa. Apenas había hecho nada y la percepción de Iván sobre su padre ya estaba comenzando a cambiar.

Los dos jóvenes se sentaron a cada lado del gordo. “Umm, ¿qué necesitas?” Preguntó Iván.

“Oh, normalmente requeriría muchas más cosas para una transmutación de este tipo, incluso con mis dotes. Pero tu padre es tan...” Antonio pausó. Iba a decir gordo, pero no sonaba demasiado educado.  “...idóneo, que seguro que su forma se amolda bien a la de una pelota de playa.”

Iván miró pensativo al inmenso cuerpo de su padre. Un cuerpo de ser humano. Un cuerpo cómicamente rechoncho, pero aún así el de un ser humano. Una forma compleja repleta de tejidos, órganos, músculos y estructura ósea. Y luego se imaginó una pelota de playa. Un simple trozo de plástico repleto de aire. ¿En serio su padre se iba a convertir en eso?

El joven practicante cerró los ojos y se concentró. Dibujó en su mente una gran esfera, bien inflada, sin nada por dentro. Una forma tonta y simplona cuya una única función era mantenerse repleta de tanto aire como le fuera posible.

Tampoco es que hubiera mucha diferencia entre eso y el redondo padre. Antonio levantó sus manos. Se concentró en diluir esa forma que había imaginado hasta que saliera por la punta de cada uno de sus dedos. El hijo del sujeto de pruebas se quedó fascinado al ver como parecían salir chispas de los dedos de su amigo. Nunca se cansaba de ver cuando Antonio practicaba la magia. La cobaya humana eso sí, se mantenía roncando profundamente, sumergido en la más completa ignorancia de lo que estaba a punto de ocurrirle.

Lentamente y con suma gentileza Antonio posó sus dedos sobre la inmensa barriga del gordo y empezó a acariciar los pelos alrededor de su ombligo. Cualquiera que viera al chaval en ese instante pensaría que estaba aplicando protector solar o masajeando al gigantesco hombre.

“(Vaya, el ombligo del señor Juan Carlos es inmenso. Si se me resbalara un dedo dentro sería difícil volver a sacarlo de tan hambriento agujero negro.)” Pensó Antonio, pero siguió con sus movimientos circulares sin falta.

“¡Oh, ya veo los primeros cambios!” Exclamó Iván señalando al ombligo de su padre. En efecto, el gran agujero se estaba volviendo más pequeño, cerrándose lentamente, hasta desaparecer por completo. Era impresionante cómo la zona del ombligo se quedó bien lisa, dejando un pequeño círculo de carne sin pelo en el inmenso foliaje grasoso. “¡Es impresionante!”

Por supuesto Antonio no había hecho más que comenzar. Una pelota de playa no tenía necesidad alguna de tener pelo, así que su pequeño masaje continuó provocando que el pelo corporal del gordo siguiera desapareciendo.

Técnicamente no estaba desapareciendo, simplemente se fusionaba con la carne. Es una pequeña diferencia a simple vista pero esto haría que la esencia peluda del padre de Iván no se perdiera al devolverle a su estado original más tarde. Hacer cambios permanentes sin expreso permiso sería muy descortés e irrespetuoso, además de que Antonio no quería que la silla se llenase de una montaña de cabellos caídos. Por supuesto el gordo no se estaba percatando de nada, simplemente daba de vez en cuando un pequeño gemido de placer por las cosquillas que sentía.

Cuando Antonio terminó de “afeitar” la panza del padre de Iván, ahora venían las partes más complicadas. Una pelota bien redonda no puede permitirse el lujo de tener bultos innecesarios, empezando por esas tetazas.

El joven siguió aplicando su magia, las tetas eran gigantescas y peludas con pezones violentamente puntiagudos. Todo eso debía desaparecer.

“Ohh, un poco más a la derecha...” Dijo el padre entre ronquidos, soñando que estaba en un salón de masajes.

Masajear y estrujar una buena teta hasta dejar una zona completamente plana fue más duro de lo que inicialmente pensaba, pero cuando terminó con la teta izquierda le tocó a la derecha.

“Oh, sí, ahí...” Gemía el padre mientras su cuerpo poco a poco era reformado.

“¿Puedo ayudar en algo?” Preguntó Iván.

“Oh, gracias. Solo ayúdame a levantar sus brazos mientras los moldeo.”

Antonio levantó uno de los peludos brazos de su padre hasta dejarlo levantado en un ángulo de 90 grados sobre el suelo. Era fácil, aunque esto dejaba el abundante pelo de sus sobacos a la vista.

“Ok, perfecto, mantenlo en esa posición...” Antonio apretó la mano del gordo, pero no para saludarle sino para empujar fuerte haciendo que se derritiera hasta compactar la masa de carne peluda contra el ahora perfectamente redondo torso. En cierto sentido era como amasar un bollo hasta conseguir la forma deseada.

“Bien, ahora el otro...”

Los jóvenes repitieron el proceso con el otro brazo, y luego Antonio realizó un proceso similar con las piernas, estrujándolas hasta que el bañador completamente seco del gordo se quedó con las piernas vacías.

Iván se acercó a la cabeza de su padre. No era una gran belleza que digamos y tampoco le daba mucha lástima que la perdiera momentáneamente, pero le preocupaba que el padre se despertara durante esta parte del proceso.

“Ahora tenemos que hacer su cabeza, ¿no?... ¿Antonio?”

Antonio estaba terminando de redondear la parte de abajo. Sin piernas era bastante fácil, sólo era una cuestión de presionar un dedo sobre la ingle hasta que desapareciera el minúsculo bulto innecesario que estorbaba dentro del bañador. “Oh, ¿decías?”

“¿Qué nos falta?”

“Ya le he moldeado los genitales. Sólo queda eliminar su cabeza, redondear la espalda y su trasero. No creo que tenga problemas con eso último, su trasero es bien redondo ya de por sí. Y luego ya quitar los últimos pelos que se resisten, convertir sus órganos internos en aire y darle algo de textura. Una simple creo que bastará... Juzgando por lo poco morena que está su piel... ¿Qué tal un patrón de rayas rosas y blancas?”

El gordo padre no lograba entender de qué hablaban, pero no le que oía no le gustaba ni un pelo... Qué sueño más extraño...

“Suena bien.” Respondió Iván levantando el pulgar. “Nos está saliendo bien redondo el asunto, jeje.”

“Ok, entonces ayúdame a aplicar presión sobre su cabeza. Debe ser fácil fusionarla, apenas tiene cuello. Cuando terminemos todo su cuerpo será una bola redondita.”

El padre de Iván se despertó. Levantó sus párpados y estuvo a punto de preguntarle a los chavales qué demonios estaban tramando pero apenas fue abrir la boca y... ¡PUM!

“Si, así. Sigue aplicando presión y amasando.” Dijo Antonio. Iván estaba golpeando la cocorota de su padre con toda su energía. El hijo estaba orgulloso de poder ayudar con la transformación y, por qué negarlo, también se estaba divirtiendo de lo lindo. Golpear al inútil de su padre era como golpear un saco de boxeo muy grasoso.

Pero este saco de boxeo estaba vivo. El padre estaba muy confundido ahora mismo. Lo último que vió fue el puño de su hijo estrujando su cabeza como si quisiera hundirla en su propio cuerpo y luego... Oscuridad.

“¿Chicos? ¿Qué estáis haciendo? ¡Esto no tiene gracia!” El padre quería decir. Pero extrañamente no sentía sus labios. De hecho no sentía su cabeza, ni sus brazos, ni sus piernas... Lo único que sentía era su barriga. Y ésta ahora mismo era más grande que nunca. Se sentía como una gran albóndiga muda y ciega. Podía oír las voces de sus hijos, pero sonaban ofuscadas por su propia grasa.

“Mmm... Ahora que lo pienso,” Oía decir a su hijo. “Ahora es una bola de carne, pero, ¿no se enfadará un poquito con nosotros si llega a descubrir lo que hemos hecho con él?”

“No te preocupes,” Oyó decir al amigo del chico. “Al aplicarle el hechizo me he asegurado de que al pasar al señor Juan Carlos al estado inanimado su consciencia se mantenga siempre en el mismo estado en el que se encontraba. En otras palabras, si estaba dormido durante la transformación, seguirá soñando plácidamente mientras sea una pelota. Así que no te preocupes, podemos jugar con él sin temor de que despierte.”

¿De qué cojones hablaban estos dos? “¡Eh, chicos, no sé de qué demonios habláis, pero yo estoy completamente despierto y me estoy empezando a cabrear...!”

“¡Oh, eso suena genial!” Respondió Iván. “Entonces por mucho que lo golpeemos él no se enterará de nada, jejeje...” Seguidamente estrujó la gigantesca bola color carne.

“¡Argh! ¡Oye, con más cuidado!” Pensaba la bola mientras su hijo le manoseaba sin reparo.

“Jajaja, no te pongas a jugar con el señor Juan Carlos aún, que me queda cerrarle el trasero.”

“...¿Qué?” La bola imperceptiblemente se encogió de terror.

Antonio giró la bola y empezó a frotar las gigantescas nalgas. “Ugh... Sí que son peludas. No puedo esperar a que desaparezcan.”

La bola se hubiera ruborizado si pudiera. “¡¿...M-me estáis masajeando el...?!”

“Sólo esto y será una bola perfecta. Tengo muchas ganas de jugar con él.”

“...¡CHICOS! ¡Dejad de tocarme ahí!” La bola quería girarse. Darse la vuelta y decirle a los dos chavales que dejaran de tocarle. Que no comprendía cómo ni por qué querían convertirle en una gran pelota. Que estaba completamente despierto y consciente del vergonzante tacto. Que no aprobaba esta conducta. Que él era un hombre con dignidad. Pero no pudo. No sentía la boca con la que comunicar sus opiniones. No tenía extremidades con las que protestar. Sus ojos estaban sumergidos contra lo que antes eran sus tetas grasosas. Se sentía como una gran bola rellena de piel y órganos aplastados. Lo único que sentía que conservaba era su trasero. Un trasero grande y peludo que estaba siendo violado por las manos de dos chavales que ni lo tocaban por gusto, sólo lo tocaban para poder hacerlo desaparecer. Unos instantes más y perdería sus últimos vestigios visibles de humanidad: su culo y su apestoso...

...Espera...

¡Sí! ¡Aún conservaba algo que le permitía comunicarse!

“...¡Poot!”

“¿...Eh?” A Iván le parecía haber oído algo proveniente del ano de su padre.

“...¡Poot! ¡POOT! ¡Poot! ¡POOT! ¡Poot!...”

“¡Ahhh! ¡Se está pedorreando! ¡Huele fatal!”

“Ugh, debe ser una reacción por el masaje que le estamos dando, será mejor que nos demos más prisa antes que el olor infecte toda la playa.” Propuso Antonio.

“Sí...”

En aquel instante, un viejo marinero retirado que estaba paseando por la playa le pareció oír algo que no había oído en muchos años. No sonaba con mucha claridad, de hecho sonaba distorsionado y... sucio. Pero era claramente una señal de socorro en código morse. El viejo miró a su alrededor pero sólo había dos chavales con una gigantesca bola de playa color carne cerca. La señal de socorro se desvaneció poco después y, después de achacarselo a una alucinación auditiva a causa de su edad, el viejo prosiguió su paseo.

“¡Uff, menos mal! No aguantaba ni un pedo más.” Declaró Iván.

Cuando su ano desapareció las esperanzas de la pelota de playa carnosa se desvanecieron del mismo modo. “¡Nooo! ¡No quiero ser una pelota!”

Antonio se levantó y recogió la pesada pelota. Volvió a cerrar los ojos y se concentró en un patrón rosa y blanco. La bola se alejó aún más de su humanidad cuando su color carne se reemplazó por unas rayas con ese dicho patrón.

“Oh, ¿ya está?” Preguntó Iván.

“Sólo queda una cosita...” Antonio empezó a sacudir la bola con mucha fuerza. El padre de Iván se mareó bastante, pero al sacudirse su interior dejó de sentirse como una gran masa de órganos aplastados y en su lugar se sentía más... ligero.

“He transformado todo su interior en aire. Ahora sí que podemos jugar con él, jajaja.” Para demostrarlo, Antonio lanzó la pelota de playa al aire y efectivamente flotaba ligera como cualquier otra pelota de playa corriente y moliente. Antonio e Iván se miraron y sonrieron.

“¡No tiene ninguna gracia, vosotros dos! ¡Devolvedme mi humanidad!” La pelota pensaba abajo en la arena mientras veía a los dos grandes chicos pasárselo tan bien.

Oh... ¡OH!

La pelota de playa se dió cuenta de que su sentido de la vista había vuelto. Su visión estaba ligeramente entintada en rosa, como si estuviera mirando a través del filtro de su plástico colorido. Su sentido del oído también había mejorado. Su propia grasa ya no le entaponaba sus orejas, aunque lo oía todo como si el mundo estuviera dentro de un globo. El redondo objeto se preguntó cómo su superficie de goma era capaz incluso de oler la fresca brisa marina.

Era como si esa sacudida había adherido todos sus sentidos a su fina superficie de plástico. Se sentía mucho más ligero que antes... ¿Significaba esto que ahora la totalidad de su cuerpo era un simple tejido y todo lo demás era aire? Por el momento, la pelota de playa no sabía si esto era una mejora respecto a estar enterrado en su propia grasa.

Pero eso no era lo importante. Lo que realmente la pelota de playa temía en este instante es que seguía sin manera de comunicarse con los dos jóvenes. Dos jóvenes que creían que esa pelota de playa tenía tan poca vida como cualquier otra. Para Iván y Antonio, el padre estaba sumergido en un profundo sueño incapaz de sentir nada de lo que hicieran con él. Para ellos el gordinflón inútil había desaparecido y un objeto inerte había ocupado su lugar, listo para que lo usen a su antojo.

La pelota de playa miró en dirección a la sombrilla. Bajo esa sombrilla yacía un silla totalmente desocupada excepto por un bañador de talla especial y una gorra. Ahí debería estar él, haciendo el vago, pero no, ahora era una puñetera pelota de playa y los chavales le iban a obligar a moverse un poco por una vez en su vida de obeso.

La pelota se quedó ahí, inmóvil. Quería volver a la tranquilidad de esa silla, a la protección de la luz solar de la sombrilla, a volver a tener puesto su bañador como una mínima dignidad, pero no, ahora estaba desnudo y acalorado a la merced de quien quiera que le recogiera de entre la cálida arena.

Iván recogió a su padre y le dió un par de vueltas en el aire. Luego se dirigió a Antonio. “Venga, al mejor de 10.”

Los dos chicos se dirigieron a la arena mojada donde Iván había preparado las líneas previamente. El chaval respiró profundamente y se colocó en posición de saque.

“...Iván...” La pelota miró con tristeza a su hijo. Su hijo ni siquiera daba a la pelota el consuelo de mirarla mientras le hablaba, si no que miraba al horizonte para trazar su estrategia. “Por favor, hijo. Soy tu padre... Ten un poco de-”

“¡Toma esa!” Gritó Iván golpeando con fuerza el trasero de su padre en su saque.

“¡MI CULOOOOOO!” La pelota chillaba por los aires como una cría. Su campo de visión no paraba de dar vueltas y vueltas. Su aún tuviera estómago lo tendría revuelto.

“¡La tengo!” Antonio devolvió al esférico padre de Iván dándole una gran sonora en la cara.

“¡Wuuarrgh!”

“¡Mía, mía!” Iván jugaba con la pelota sin ningún tipo de reparo. Era difícil pensar que esa pelota rosa solía ser su padre. Así que ni se molestó en hacerlo.

Al cabo de unos pocos minutos, la pelota sentía moratones en todos los rincones de su gordo cuerpo. “¡Que se nos va!” Gritó uno de los jóvenes. Después de tantos golpes sin descanso el padre tuvo la suerte de caer de cara sobre la arena. La pelota respiró hondo. No tardarían menos de diez segundos en recogerle y volver a machacarle sin piedad, pero hasta entonces, esos diez segundos de reposo le supieron a gloria. Ojalá poder pedirle ayuda a alguien. A cualquiera. Pero todos los demás visitantes de la playa sólo le veían como otra pelota extraviada más.

Estar enterrado en la arena le recordó a aquella vez hace muchos años, cuando Iván era no más que un crío. El pequeño Iván jugó a enterrar el cuerpo de su padre bajo la arena con su pala y cubo. “¡Mira mamá, papá no es más que una cabeza ahora!” Había dicho el pequeñajo por aquel entonces.

Por supuesto aquello solo era un espejismo visual muy gracioso. En el presente, el padre efectivamente no era más que una bola redonda pero a diferencia que con aquel juego de niños no había ningún cuerpo de hombre obeso enterrado bajo la arena.

“¿Qué opinas Iván? ¿A que el señor Juan Carlos no te parece tan inútil ahora?”

“¿Eh...?” El joven tardó en responder a la pregunta. Oh, es verdad, que esa bola llena de aire es mi padre - fue lo que pensó. “Bueno, supongo que ese gordinflón es tan útil como una pelota inerte gigante. Para bien o para mal.”

Iván sacó a su padre de la arena. Fue bastante fácil, a diferencia de intentar levantarle del sofá cuando era un humano. La pelota suspiró profundamente con desgana. “Allá vamos otra vez... A ver cuándo se cansan estos dos. Los jóvenes siempre con tanta energía...”

Pero Iván simplemente se quedó mirando el trasero de su padre. “...¿Eh?”

La pelota siguió suspirando y lamentándose. “Al menos no pueden decir que no me he ejercitado este verano... ¿Uh?” Entonces la pelota se dió cuenta de algo. No sólo suspiraba para sus adentros, sino que notaba que su redondo ser estaba soltando aire de verdad.

“Antonio... ¿Por qué mi padre se está desinflando?”

“...¡¿que estoy QUÉ?!” La pelota se sobresaltó y empezó a soltar aire a más velocidad.

El joven practicante de magia acercó su oído a la pelota que ahora estaría sudando a chorros si pudiera. “Oigo un sílbidito...”

Oh no. Oh, no, ¡NO! ¿Acaso se había hecho un agujero...? ¿Qué pasaría si perdiera todo el aire...? ¿Se quedaría como un trasto inservible? No, olvida eso. No es un objeto. Pero, ¿y si sin su aire fuera imposible recuperar su forma original? La energía del universo se mantiene constante y todo ese rollo...

“Ah, aquí está el problema.” Anunció Antonio señalando cierta parte de la pelota. “Se nos olvidó entaponarlo.”

“...¿Qué es esa cosa?” Preguntó Iván con curiosidad.

“Cielo santo Iván, ¿acaso no conoces la anatomía básica de una pelota de playa?” Antonio ladeó la cabeza. “Es su pitorro.”

Por alguna razón a la pelota le incomodó que mencionaran su pitorro en voz alta.

“Yo no veo nada...” Dijo Iván.  “¡Ah! ¿Te refieres a ese diminuto trocito de plástico transparente aplastado ahí entre esos dos pliegues?”

“¡Exacto!”

La pelota se ruborizó. “¡Chicos! ¡No hace falta que le echéis más sal a la herida! ¡Mi pitorro es como el de una pelota de campeonato!”

“¿Y cómo lo taponamos?” Preguntó Iván, incapaz de oír las protestas de la pelota.

“¿Ves este trozo de plástico sobrante que cuelga de aquí? Ese es el tapón.”

“¿Esto?” Iván agarró el tapón con fuerza.

“¡...WOAAAAAAAAAH!” La pelota se moría de vergüenza. Su propio hijo le estaba estrujando el trozo de plástico sobrante por debajo y eso le producía muchas cosquillas. Se sentía casi como....Casi como su...

El pene del padre de Iván no era gran cosa. Eso sí, no estaba circuncidado y el más mínimo roce debajo de su prepucio le producían unas cosquillas avergonzantemente horribles.

Justo como las cosquillas que estaba sintiendo ahora.

“¿Qué hago con esto? ¿Lo cierro y ya está?” Preguntó Iván sosteniendo el prepucio de su padre agarrándolo como cualquier trozo de plástico barato.

“...¡Jo-Joder! ¡Lo que sea, pe-pero terminad rápido!” La pelota suplicaba.

“Hombre, así dejaría de desinflarse.” Respondió Antonio. “Pero como ya ha perdido tanto aire será mejor que la inflemos un poco antes de hacer eso.”

Ajá, inflarle un poco por el pitorro. Así volvería a estar redondito y podrían volver a jugar con él. Sí, los chicos usarían sus pulmones para reinflar la pelota y esta se quedaría bien grande y tiesa.

...

“...¡¿QUÉEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE?! Pe-pero...”

“Podemos ir turnándonos para que no nos cansemos tanto.” Sugirió Antonio.

“Buena idea, tú primero. El pitorro está algo hundido entre los pliegues, tendrás que agitarlo un poco antes para que salga.”

“Eh... ¿chicos?”

“Ok.” Antonio levantó la pelota posicionado el pitorro cerca de sus labios.

“...¿Recordáis que en realidad soy humano, verdad?...”

Antonio acercó más sus labios...

“...Es gracioso, pero, creo que ese pitorro que estáis a punto de chupar es mi pene...”

La lengua de Antonio estimuló la ingle del padre y su pene despertó de su escondite con éxito.

“...¡En serio! ¡No es una broma! ¡Esa cosita es mi polla! ¡Quizá no es muy grande pero es una polla! ¡Una polla peluda de hombre! ¡¿En serio quéreis chupar algo así?! ¡Por favor, parad! Si alguien llegara a enterarse de que- ¡WOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!”

Los labios carnosos y calientes de Antonio envolvieron la hombría del padre de Iván. La polla del padre se puso tiesa al instante y un cosquilleo envolvió todo el cuerpo del gordo. Era una sensación muy erótica pero avergonzante. Muy estimulante pero inquietante. Era gloria, pero también perdición. “Se...Se... Se siente tan bien...” El padre gimió de placer.

Por supuesto desde el punto de vista del chaval el pitorro de plástico era frío e insulso. Era una acción tan aburridísimamente cotidiano que el pequeño esfuerzo de soplar se hacía eterno.

Pero eterno era el viaje de placer del padre de Iván. “Jo-joder... ¿Y si he estado equivocado sobre mi sexualidad todos estos años? No quiero que este chaval pare... ¡Dios, joder! ¡Ojalá pudiera correrme pero este chico no para de soplarme el aire para adentro más y más! Joder, Antonio, ¡NO PARES!”

El chico agarró el parte de atrás de la pelota para que el objeto no se le escurriera de las manos.

El padre sintió como el chaval que le estaba chupando la polla le agarraba los mofletes del trasero para que no escapara de sus encantos. El tío le agarraba con fuerza. Dios, cómo le gustaba al padre que le dominaran durante el sexo. Se la ponía tiesísima...

“Te estás poniendo colorado, Antonio.” Dijo Iván. “Yo ya lo termino por ti.”

Antonio dejó de soplar pero puso sus dedos sobre el pitorro de la pelota para que no se saliera el aire que con tanto duro trabajo le había costado meter y después de entregársela a Iván al fin pudo recobrar el aliento.

El padre estaba en éxtasis. Se sentía a punto de corrersele la mayor cantidad de semen que jamás había disparado en su vida, pero los dedos le impedían soltar nada. Su cerebro y su picha solo pensaban en su misma cosa... Esa tan ansiada liberación... Espera, ¿por qué Antonio ha dejado de soplar?... ¿Por qué ahora está viendo la cara de su propio hijo?...No, espera, que un tío le soplara era una experiencia de puta madre pero... No, ¡su hijo no!

“¡No, Iván! ¡Soy yo, tu padre! ¡No me la chupes! ¡Eso es tan... Ah...AHHHH! ¡AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!”

Iván estaba a punto de cometer el mayor error de su vida. Su padre no podía hacer nada. Sólo podía ignorarlo. Dios, estaba a punto de cerrar los labios... Ya podía sentir el aliento de su hijo... Dios, y él ahí a punto de correrse...

...

...

...

Iván sopló por el pitorro de la pelota.

“Eso es. Sólo soy una pelota. Es imposible que este chico sea mi hijo. Sólo soy una pelota barata. ¡Jejeje! No puedo pensar. Sólo soy una pelota. Este chico sólo está inflando su pelota. No estoy sintiendo nada placentero. Soy una pelota. ¡Jajajaja! ¡Sí! Esto es jodidamente normal. A nadie le importa lo que haga este chico con su pelota. No, no está pasando nada... Nada.... Nada... Soy una pelota que... Que... Dios que bien la sabe chupar Iván- ¡NO! ¡SOY UNA PELOTA! ¡SOY UNA PELOTA! ¡ESTE NO ES... COÑO! ¡SIGUE CHUPANDO COMO UNA ZORRA...! ¡NO PARES...! ¡AAAAAARRRRGH!”

“Ok, creo que ya está suficientemente inflado...” Anunció Iván dejando de soplar por dos segundos.

“¡NOOOOO! ¡QUIERO CORRERME! ¡AAAAAARGGGGGGGHHH!”

“¡WOAH!” Gritó Iván. “¡¿Qué demonios...?!”

Pasó demasiado rápido para reaccionar. La pelota se estaba empeñando tanto en dispararlo todo que en cuanto hubo vía libre todo el aire acumulado dentro del padre de Iván hizo que la pelota saliera volando por los aires.

“¡Cielos! ¡Es un cohete!” Gritó Antonio, asustado y maravillado a la vez.

“¡SÍIIIIII! ¡OHHHH DIOOOOOOOS!” El orgasmo del padre era monumental. Los chicos y algunos otros visitantes se morían de risa viendo a la gigantesca pelota volar por el aire cambiando constantemente de dirección propulsado por los sonoros gases que salían de su pitorro bien abierto. “¡NO QUIERO QUE ESTO TERMINE NUNCAAAAA!”

Pero como todos los orgasmos, fue tan efímero como intenso. El padre se quedó sin gas en mitad de pleno vuelo y finalmente cayó en picado.

“¡Oh, no!” Exclamó Iván y ambos chicos fueron corriendo a donde el padre había aterrizado.

“Debo admitir que jamás he visto una pelota soltarlo todo con tanta fuerza. Por un momento creí que iba a llegar a la estratosfera.” Comentó Antonio.

Cuando los chicos llegaron al punto de aterrizaje del padre de Iván se encontraron con una visión realmente triste.

La pelota estaba hecha un desastre. Estaba completamente desinflada y se había reducido hasta quedarse hecha una gran masa de goma arrugada y flácida. Su dolorido pitorro parecía a punto de desprenderse.

“Ja...Jajaja...*Cof* *Cof*” El padre deliraba sin fuerzas. “*Cof...*...Mereció la pena...”

“Vaya, es la primera vez que veo a mi padre tan delgado.” Remarcó Iván.

“Veo peligroso devolverle su forma humana ahora que está tan cambiado...” Dijo Antonio.

“Mmmm... Será difícil volver a inflarle... ¿Oh, por qué no usamos el inflador de ruedas que está en el coche?”

“Buena idea, volvamos a la sombrilla a por las llaves.”

Iván recogió el trozo de carne muerta en la que se había convertido su padre y se preguntó cómo era posible que su padre no sirviera ni para jugar a la pelota con su hijo.

Cuando los chicos volvieron a la sombrilla se dieron cuenta de que el sol aún estaba irradiando con fuerza. Apenas había pasado media tarde.

“¿Y si dejamos lo de volver al coche para más tarde? Con tanto soplar y correr me han entrado ganas de darme otro chapuzón.” Propuso Iván.

Antonio estaba de acuerdo y tras meter el trozo de plástico rosa hecho una bola dentro de la bolsa de los bocadillos se fueron corriendo al agua a seguir disfrutando del verano.

“Oh... ¡Me gusta este sitio!” Pensaba el padre en su delirio dentro de la bolsa. “Es fresquito... ¡Y lo mejor de todo es que huele a comida!”

El gordísimo padre de Iván no se equivocaba en absoluto. Ahí estaba él, un trozo arrugado de plástico inerte rodeado de incontables bolsitas de plástico rellenas de migas de pan y restos de comida. Quizá era el lugar más apropiado para esta ridícula pelota de playa inútil.

“No me importaría quedarme aquí dentro una temporadita, jeje. Es el lugar más seguro de toda la playa después de todo.”

Justo entonces una gaviota se posó encima de la bolsa. Era una ave muy lista. Sabía perfectamente que las familias humanas que eran lo suficientemente despreocupadas como para dejar sus bolsas repletas de comida a solas eran los blancos fáciles. Asegurado de que no había moros en la costa, infiltró su pico largo y afilado dentro de la bolsa en búsqueda de un buen bocado.

De hecho era una ave tan lista que incluso sabía que dentro de esos feos envoltorios tan privados de vida fabricados por los humanos era donde guardaban sus sabrosos bocadillos. El mayor manjar que el ave había tenido la oportunidad de saborear.

Tan, tan lista, que incluso sabía que no debía tener remordimiento alguno por destruir esos inertes envoltorios inanimados con su pico sin piedad. Nadie en su sano juicio tendría un remordimiento de ese tipo tras hacer algo así.

Y no los tuvo.

[grrside]

It’s a promise!

It’s a promise!

-a grrside story-

“Hey, scoundrel... Wanna play a game?”

“Sure thing, bro!” Spike said as enthusiastic as ever to his elder brother.

The monkey brothers were a peculiar pair. They both lived alone in a two-story house in a peaceful neighborhood. As far as Spike can remember he didn’t have any other living relatives, but that was ok because Evan was always by his side.

Spike thought of Evan as the most intelligent and caring brother he could wish for. He was a busy inventor but he always found time to play with his little brother. Maybe that’s why Spike didn’t feel sad about his lack of family members: as long as he had Evan by his side he wouldn’t feel lonely.

The little brother himself wasn’t the perfect little brother though... Spike was very curious and adventurous. He’d constantly run into trouble, and then Evan would have to step forward to help him out from the messes he caused.

Their hairstyles could very well represent their personalities. Spike’s hair was a messy spiky mess, but Evan’s long hair was evenly combed and collected.

The little monkey boy was happy Evan had asked him to play a game with him. He couldn’t remember the last time they had played something together... Maybe they’d play with the Zboz game console?

But Evan had other plans. “You see, I’m testing a new invention and I need your help...”

“...Oh, I dunno, that seems like a lotta work...”

“It’ll be fun! C’mon, I’ll test it on you and then I’ll let you have some fun playing whatever you want!”

It sounded fair to the little chimp. Working would be tedious, but he’d had a lot of fun when it was his turn to choose the game to play. “Ok! But don't forget, it’s a promise!”

They both headed towards Evan’s lab upstairs. Izzy, Evan’s pet lizard, was snoring in a corner of the room. Spike didn’t like that menacing reptilian one bit, that’s why he always tried to stay not too close to it as humanly possible.

Evan went to the desktop computer and activated the webcam. “Ok, Session 67... Test start!”

But the webcam wasn’t the only thing attached to the computer. There was also what appeared to be an oversized ray gun that was connected to the PC by a messy bunch of wires.

“Test subje- I mean, Spike, could you stand on that big red ‘X’ drawn on the floor?”

“Like, over here?” Spike did as instructed and stood on the marked spot. Evan adjusted the gun so the crosshairs pointed right at his little brother’s heart.

“Yep, perfect!” Evan said giving him a thumbs up.

“By the way, what are we testing, exactly?”

“Oh, just your run-of-the-mill shrinking machine.”

“Wait, seriously...?!” But before Spike could finish Evan had already activated the ray gun. The whole process took less than two seconds. One moment there was his little monkey brother standing up and the next there was just a pile of Spike’s clothing floating in the air. The cloth stood still for half a second and then dropped to the floor as if it had suddenly realized there was nobody wearing it anymore.

“Looks good.” Said Evan to himself and the webcam. Then he turned to the computer screen and typed some notes.

Spike couldn’t see anything. He just saw the sea of dark blue fabric that used to be his tight-fitting shirt just a moment ago. The little monkey swam and crawled as much as he could, until finally he saw a blinding light and realized he was looking through his shirt’s collar.

“Woah! This is amazing!” Spike said to himself in his completely inaudible voice. The faint buzz of a small fly would be more significant than his own voice at the moment. “The room looks gigantic! Even big bro looks like a mountain!”

Spike waved his arms at his brother, but he seemed to be busy writing down his notes. “Hey, big bro! Check me out! I’m as small as a spider! You could say I’m a spider-monkey, hahaha!” But Evan couldn’t bring himself to pay attention to Spike. If Spike could spot out just one glaring flaw in his big brother’s personality it would have to be his workaholism.

But surprisingly Spike’s lame pun hadn’t gone unheard... by Izzy. Evan’s pet lizard hadn’t been fed for that day, and luckily for him there was a warm and hairy bug-sized bite right on top of the pile of discarded clothes.

The lizard got up from his sleeping spot and stretched out. Then started to slowly crawl over to the clothes pile.

Izzy’s steps sounded like a incoming thunderstorm to Spike. He had completely forgotten about big bro’s damn lizard.

“Bro!!! Tell that reptile to go away!” Spike yelled to no avail. The insect-sized little brother was a bit hesitant to go jump out from the pile of clothing at first but modesty be damned, he had no choice but to run as fast as he could.

Izzy was a little surprised at the way the bug ran around. The reptile observed dumbfounded as the insect ran around on his two little back legs, his front legs waving at the air like crazy as if calling for help. This insignificant insect had two tails, one at the back and another much smaller one at the front, both of which wiggled in all directions in a similar manner as the bug ran away from its predator at an incredibly slow speed.

Maybe the reason the lizard didn’t gulp down the damn thing at first sight was that it looked too pitiful for even a bug. Or maybe he was just debating whatever to stomp on it first, so it wouldn’t wiggle so much down his throat.

Whatever the reason, the fact remained that Spike somehow managed to squeeze his tiny form below Evan’s desk in time.

“What is it, Izzy?” Said Evan to his pet. “Aww, aren’t you a cute little thing?”

The ugly reptile reacted with distaste to his owner’s compliments. He just wanted to eat the fucking bug.

Spike remained hidden in the darkness. There was a giant ball of dust by his side. Damn, that insignificant bunch of dirt was bigger than the pitiful monkey!

“Okay, Spike... Let’s begin Phase 2.” Evan got up from his seat and walked over the pile of clothes.

However, he couldn’t find Spike no matter how thoroughly he looked.

“Spike? Where...?” He kept searching all over the pile.

“I’m over here bro!” Spike yelled at the top of his tiny lungs.

But Evan looked disappointed and even angry at this unexpected development. He walked over to the webcam and made an announcement.

“It appears Session 67 has to end here. The reason? Looks like my test subject ran away...” He murmured. “...Once again.” He coldly added.

Izzy’s eyes glared intensely at the little bug and purred like a hungry cat. It sounded adorable to Evan, but fierce like a gigantic lion to Spike.

Evan turned the webcam off and took out a can of Zezsi from the desk drawer. “Damn Spike... Giving me trouble again... I hope he’s just fooling around and not... Sigh... I’m not feeling like resetting him again so soon...”

The reptile launched his front legs towards the hiding insect. The insect tumbled over its butt in fear and his front tail leaked a few drops of a mysterious yellow liquid. Probably some sort of self-defense mechanism.

Before the tiny speck named Spike could stand back up, the gargantuan green monster charged its head below the desk, opened a mouth with pointy teeth very wide and... *GLUP!*

“Woah, easy there Izzy, you’re making all my research papers fall down into the floor!” Evan remarked, annoyed.

The tall and lean monkey began to recollect the fallen papers but he suddenly realized his pet had its mouth full.

“Mmmm... I wonder...”

Evan picked Izzy up and tried to inspect its mouth. The reptile resisted by keeping its teeth closed so Evan had to resort to a little trick.

“Coochie-coochie-coo!” Evan playfully petted Izzy’s scaly belly and it stuck his tongue out in pleasure like a good boy.  Evan could see a small brown speck clinging into Izzy’s uvula. “Aha! There he is!”

“Help me Evan!” The tiny bug cried out. “I don’t want to die in a filthy lizard’s gastric juices! I don’t want to be poop!”

Of course, Evan couldn’t hear his insignificant brother’s pleas. “I see you were playing hide-and-seek with Izzy. It’s nice to see you two getting along so nicely but we were in the middle of a experiment Spike... Sigh... Didn’t you know I was broadcasting the experiment live? There’s actually a lot of people interested in watching all the experiments I do with you. They’re the ones paying our bills, you know? And they always pay extra when you suffer during them for some reason. They’re very interested in science, Spike. Specially when your naked butt is involved in it. But that’s not worth anything at all if you’re not on camera during the streams!”

That was a lot to take at once. There was a bunch of perverts who enjoyed watching Spike suffer? But why? It was the first time in a long while he and Evan had even spent some time together!

Evan put his open hand in front of the lizard. “Come on, Izzy, spit him out.”

He was a bit reluctant, but eager to please his master Izzy spat Spike out.

The miniaturized monkey was full of lizard spit, but somehow the warmth of his big brother’s palm on his naked frame was recomforting. Evan walked over to his desk and faced the webcam once again.

“Sorry about that... The livestream was chaotic...”

The computer screen was full of tiny windows. Each tiny window contained a live feed of a masked person in a dark cloak. All of the feeds were very blurry and instead of chat names a long string of letters and numbers was used by each participant, probably because of the custom encryption system this darknet chat used. They all looked like very shady and scary people to Spike.

One of the tiny windows suddenly became larger and heavily modulated and distorted voice started speaking through the speakers. It was hard to figure out who the hooded figure was, but its hands were green. Maybe it was a reptilian... Or an amphibian. Who knows? It was too fuzzy to make out.

“IT’S FINE. I’VE BEEN JACKING OFF TO THE STUFF YOU’VE JUST TOLD YOUR BROTHER. TRANSFORMING YOUR OWN BROTHER IS SO HOT... TRANSFORMATION INCEST IS WINCEST.”

Some of the other tiny windows gave their approval in agreement at that statement.

“I’D HAVE NO PROBLEM MAKING YOUR WEEKLY DEPOSIT... BUT I’D GIVE YOU A BONUS IF YOU DO A LITTLE REQUEST. IT WON’T BE ANY BIGGER THAN YOUR ITTY BITTY BROTHER...”

Evan laughed at that pun. Spike was starting to get a little nervous... What sort of request?

“DAMN, I’M ABOUT TO CUM... HEY BIG GUY, DO YOU HAVE AN UNCUT DICK?”

“Yup.” Evan answered nonchalantly.

“DO YOU... WASH IT?”

“Nope. It’s full of stinky smegma.” Evan already knew what the hooded figure was about to ask next. Spike in the contrary had no idea what this was about.

“...STICK YOUR BROTHER IN THERE.”

The rest of the audience cheered. Spike was confused. “Stick me in where?”

Evan grabbed his tiny brother and looked at it with a mischievous smile. “You heard him, Spike. I hope you like my homemade cheese.”

“I don’t understand!” Spike cried out, but when Evan began to pull his pants down he started to suspect it. “Wait... No! No! Fuck, Evan, I’m your little brother...!”

Evan lowered his underwear and Spike saw the largest cock he had ever seen before, even when he had the size of a person.

“This is fucking disgusting, Evan!...”

“The things you have to do for science and money...” Evan stated even though his rock-hard cock said otherwise.

“No!!!”

Evan peeled of his foreskin. He hadn’t exaggerated about its cleanliness at all. There was a disgusting mass of greenish white stuff below the dickhead.

Spike was in tears. He didn’t want to end up swimming in that stinky shit. If only there was a way to escape...!

But as soon as he thought that the audience began to cheer.

“YEAH! STICK THAT FILTHY BUG WHERE IT BELONGS!”

“DON’T LET HIM OUT UNTIL HE HAS LICKED ALL OF IT CLEAN!”

“MAKE HIM DROWN IN YOUR MUSK!”

Spike had never felt so humiliated. He was just a tiny speck of an insect made for entertainment. The bugs from a bug circus would feel more respected than this.

“Please, Evan, hear me out!” The insect cried and screamed, but nobody could hear its cries over the cheering crowd.

Evan looked at the webcam and smiled. He put his large monkey dick right in front of it and, if you magniticed the image quite a bit, you could also a tiny brown speck of a bug in the tip of his finger seconds before he let the inappreciable thing fall deep inside the depths of his foreskin. The giant monkey stroked the foreskin back up, abandoning the microscoping thing into a sea of dickcheese as lots of anonymous spectators all over the world simultaneously came a sea of semen.

***

“Hey, scoundrel... Wanna play a game?”

“Sure thing, bro!” Spike said as enthusiastic as ever to his elder brother.

The little monkey boy was happy Evan had asked him to play a game with him. He couldn’t remember the last time they had played something together... Maybe they’d play with the Zboz game console?

But Evan had other plans. Resetting Spike’s memory bank after restoring his original size had been a lot of work. Evan hadn’t had so much trouble with Spike resisting so much to having his memory erased since that time he made him forget about his parents. But someone had to pay the bills anyway. “You see, I’m testing a new invention and I need your help...”

“...Oh, I dunno, that seems like a lotta work...”

“It’ll be fun! C’mon, I’ll test it on you and then I’ll let you have some fun playing whatever you want with me!”

It sounded fair to the little chimp. Working would be tedious, but he’d had a lot of fun when it was his turn to choose the game to play. “Ok! But don’t forget, it’s a promise!”

They both headed towards Evan’s lab upstairs. Evan went to the desktop computer and activated the webcam. “Ok, Session 68... Test start!”