hadeshearted

[hadeshearted]

Drops of Grief and Jupiter

I am sure we have all (well most of us) have heard the song "Drops of Jupiter" by the band Train. It is a catchy, upbeat and seems like an uplifting song, or at least a song about someone going through a heartbreak, a song about trying to move on. Well, I don't think I will be too wrong in assuming that most of us thought it was a song about a lover.

Well, it is a yes and no kinda situation. The yes being that it is a song about loving, but not about a lover. It is about the lead singer Patrick Monahan's mother. He wrote it after his mother passed away and the he was visited by her in his dream.

Knowing this background really makes one think about what the song is about. What are the words especially trying to say? Is Pat sad? Angry? Jealous?? Now who am I to say what Patrick was going through and what he really meant, but let me just give my interpretation of the song. So let us go through some of the words from the song.

If someone is listening to the song for the first time, after knowing the context under which the song was written, my guess would be that they assume Patrick is angry and bitter that his mother has now moved on from this world. Like when he sings, "Did you make it to the Milky Way to see the lights all faded....And that heaven is overrated". The line heaven is overrated, in the first read/listen may seem like he is borne out of resentment but it really is just a way of Patrick consoling himself.

He knows that heaven (if such a place does exists) is better than our mortal realm, but he is just trying to console himself. This line for me, is an emotional armor, where one hopes the one who has passed on is regretting their passing. But the subtle resistance in the lyrics of the idea that heaven is a place of peace only reflects how hard it is to accept the pain of separation.

The song then also goes on to "mock" the celestial after life by stating "Can you imagine no love, pride, deep-fried chicken…" like as if something as material as deep-fried chicken is worth staying on this Earth. To me it sounds like someone desperately trying to inflict pain on someone they love, who have moved on to a better place. However, throughout the song, Patrick is imagining his mother to have been exploring the joyful, radiant and most importantly free-from life, from society and from burden- adventure of her life through our universe and beyond. To me the contrast between the lyrics and the upbeat nature of the music, gives a sense of how he is really trying hard to mask his sorrow and well-wishes for his mother, with a sense of frustration as well as indifference. Alas, however, the mask comes off with a simple and somewhat subdued line in the song "And did you miss me while you were looking for yourself out there", to me this line seems like it is a plea, a hope and most importantly a cry, from a child to their most beloved, the most important and only source for their existence. I translate this line as: I know you are now free and joy is all that exists for you, but all I hope is that you have not forgotten me. Be free, but keep a part of your heart for me... Now, I know that I might be wildly off the mark with this interpretation, and my intention is to not give the exact interpretation. The beauty of art and poetry lies in the way it can be interpreted differently by people in a different stage of life. For me though this song started off as an upbeat song perhaps about a breakup. But now knowing the background of it has really changed my perception. For me now, this song is about an irksome realization of how we might become insignificant to the ones whom we mattered the most, and that it is a plea to them to not let us pass them in their euphoric journey in the after life.

[hadeshearted]

A Dream With You

I would choose to live with you in a dream. Wander through the meadows we built with our imagination. Take in the sunshine, stretch out my face to feel the breeze.

We would laugh, hop, skip and jump, like kids in a playground. We would sit by the stream and dip in our feet. We would eat, drink and sing sitting down on the grass. We would breathe in the sweet scent of untouched nature.

Grief, would not be a word we would know. Worry, would be a distant concept. Despair, would be unheard of. Only Joy would be allowed. Only Joy would define us.

I would choose to live with you in this dream.

[hadeshearted]

Living or just Alive?

It was just another night of laying in bed scrolling on reels, just to make myself tired enough to forget about my depression and drift off to sleep. Most of the reels were just the usual mix of cooking videos, movie clips, clips of nature and the nonsensical slapstick comedies. But every now and then I come across certain reels that don't say a lot or anything perhaps, but leave you thinking.

This was one of those reels. It was just a clip of Cillian Murphy looking sad (classic), there was no dialogue in the clip but it had a caption that said, "I don't live, I am just alive". It was just one line but that has stuck with me ever since, because that is how life is for me or has always been for me.

Every morning I wake up, not looking forward to the day but just hoping I make it to bed tonight somehow. I feel the safest in my bed, as that is the only place of comfort that remains. In the darkness, with my thoughts, nestled in my comforter, I feel cozy. It is like applying ice to a burn, though you know that it is only a temporary relief, it is a relief nonetheless.

Sadness has been there for me for as long as I can remember. Before I was actually diagnosed with depression, I used to wonder, "Why am I waking up frustrated, angry and sad?", when will my happiness arrive? I have now pretty much made peace with the fact that I will have to live with my sadness, depression and anxiety. They are now like my roommates, from whom I cannot escape. The only thing I can do is to manage my expectations (honestly, I don't have many of them left anyways).

[hadeshearted]

Society...may I please be approved...

FEAR. An unwanted but necessary companion in life. To not have fear is rather an act of foolery. Fear saves us from many dangers; it protects us and helps us make the right choices in life.

I am no different. I’ve been fearful for most of my life. How could I be anything else, if not scared? After all, that is what I was taught — knowingly or unknowingly.

But my greatest fear is not of tigers, snakes, high places, or water. It is not of the unnatural or the supernatural either. It is the fear of disappointing others.

It doesn’t matter who the “others” are... They could be family, friends, colleagues, teachers... But for the most part, these others are the unknown people. The amorphous “Society.”

We joke that the phrase “What would society say?” has perhaps killed more dreams than anything else. The dream of being a rockstar, an athlete — even the dream of being with someone you love.

Oh “Society,” you may never know me, and I may never truly figure out who — or even what — you are.

But rest assured: I have sacrificed much of myself to avoid disappointing you. My dreams. My youth. My innocence. And perhaps most importantly, my hope. You took them all — sometimes a little at a time, but at times, with much greed, you took a lot.

Your fear has broken me down. You took away the joy of being alive. You turned me into a survivor. I don’t live anymore; I just manage to survive.

I don’t know if Nietzsche was right when he said, “Whatever does not kill you makes you stronger.” Because I think: “Whatever does not kill you, surely makes you numb.”

I used to begrudge you — blaming my fear of disappointing you as the source of my pain. But holding a grudge is a tiring venture. Much like Sisyphus, rolling the boulder up the hill every day, only to watch it roll back down at the end, I thought begrudging you would be a motivator. But it’s been a fruitless effort, that only leaves me tired — while you seem unbothered.

But I hope, with whatever little hope I have left, that you’ll grant me your approval one day. That you’ll be merciful enough to let me feel the joy of being myself without feeling the guilt.

Maybe… Some day…..

[hadeshearted]

On Loving the Unreachable: A Myth for the Modern Heart

I have watched her move—not on Olympian thrones, but through forest trails and ocean mist, her silhouette traced in golden hour light. Not Aphrodite, born of vanity and vengeance, but a Nereid—sea-born, salt-touched, soft-footed on river stones. She belongs not to men or myths, but to the tide, the wind, the silence between stars. And me? I am but one of Zeus’ lesser creations, flawed and forged of earth, stumbling through the smoke of my own making. But somewhere in my wandering, the Great Prometheus—defiant and merciful—saw fit to leave a spark in my soul. A flame to sit with. A warmth that lets me see her not as mine to hold, but as a rhythm to honor.

And I may never meet her. She may never know my name, nor hear the words I’ve tucked into the quiet folds of the world. But still—she has struck a spark against the flint of my life. A simple gesture, unintended, yet divine. Like a sea breeze brushing a dying ember back to life.

Oh, how she walks this Earth, unaware of how she is the gentle light for someone unnamed. Not a flame that blinds, but a distant star—steady, cold to the touch, yet guiding. Her presence reminds me that not all beauty is meant to be possessed; some is meant to be witnessed, and in witnessing, we remember what it means to feel.

She is not a muse I chase. She is the echo that steadies my steps when I walk alone.

So let her wander. Let her never know. Some lights are meant to burn unnoticed— and still, they keep the coldest souls from freezing.

And I— I will tend this gift of fire, not with hope, but with reverence.

[hadeshearted]

The Lie of Life

From the day we are born we are taught to dread death; That death is somehow the creation of evil. That death robs you of joy.

But it is life that lays down the bed of nails for you; Life makes you weary, but doesn't allow you the sleep. Life makes you sweat, bleed and cry.

But death is like the sweet slumber. Like the one a baby has when their bellies are full and they are in the comforting arms of their mother.

Death is not the pain but the release. Death is not the foe but a long lost friend.

[hadeshearted]

The Shape of Tomorrow

How ironic it is— we prepare and hope for a better future, but we never know when that future arrives.

We live to make our lives easier, yet with each passing day, we seem to lose the chance to truly live.

We crave happiness, but it is grief that molds us. Happiness is fleeting— grief lingers.

[hadeshearted]

[hadeshearted]

Well—do I really wanna know?.....

Before we begin, if you haven't heard either or both of the songs. Here are the two versions of the song:

Some songs grow with you. Do I Wanna Know? is one of those rare tracks that means something wildly different depending on when — and who — you are when you hear it. That raw opening guitar riff instantly grabs the attention of the first-time listeners — and let’s be honest, longtime fans too — pulling them into a mood charged with curiosity, chaos, and anticipation. Then the lyrics hit: 'Have you got color in your cheeks?' — a playful but charged question that sets the emotional tempo. However, the same song, when covered by Hozier, sets a completely different mood. The slower tempo and gentler melody prompt quiet reflection — on love, on memory, and on that timeless question: “What could’ve been?”. Though the lyrics remain the same, the meaning and emotion could not be more different.

The best description that encapsulates the difference between the two is given by one commenter on YouTube (or TikTok), which states “Where the Arctic Monkeys are drunk and angry, Hozier is making breakfast for the first time without them.” I don’t think anyone else could have put it any better. Arctic Monkeys were singing through the lens of ego, confusion, frustration, desire and the anger that comes with it, and Hozier is singing through the lens of acceptance, sorrow, reflection and growth.

A deeper listen to both versions reveals how each reflects the emotional rhythms of a different generation and their relationship with love. Arctic Monkeys’ version resonates more with the young — the impulsive, the heart-on-sleeve, the rebels. Hozier’s cover, on the other hand, speaks to those who have known heartbreak, who carry their love stories with a quieter kind of ache. I am not just talking about two different generations (i.e. the bogus war between the Millenials and Gen Zs), but in fact, I hear both versions as reflections of myself at different points in life. When I listen to the version by the Arctic Monkeys, I am transported back to my school days, trying to act cool, being rebellious, one who does not understand love enough and sees rejection through the lens of ego and anger. But when I listen to Hozier’s version, I am brought back to my present. A moment of reflection, melancholy and growth. That some relationships are meant to be let go off, however, it does not mean you cannot cherish the good moments you had with the other. 

Breaking down the lyrics, though the words remain the same but the meaning and emotion differ in the two versions. Take the line “Sad to see you go... was sort of hoping that you’d stay”, for example. In the Arctic Monkeys’ version, it lands with a hint of dismissal — maybe even sarcasm — capturing that rebellious energy, where hurt is masked by indifference. There’s an unspoken belief that someone else will come along soon enough. But when Hozier sings the same line, it feels entirely different: a quiet admission of loss. It’s the voice of someone who thought they’d found lasting love, only to watch it slip away — not with bitterness, but with sorrow and resignation.

It’s not about placing one version above the other or casting judgment on youthful emotion. The original by Arctic Monkeys carries a magnetic energy — the rawness of the riff, the swagger of the lyrics, the charged atmosphere of emotional turmoil. But Hozier’s cover offers something else entirely: a space for quiet reflection. In his version, the song becomes less about unresolved longing and more about memory, acceptance, and the gentle ache of what once was. It reminds listeners that even relationships that end can leave behind something worth holding onto — not with resentment, but with gratitude and growth.

Take the line: “Crawling back to you... Ever thought of calling when you’ve had a few? ’Cause I always do.” It reflects two very different moods, depending on who’s singing it.  In Arctic Monkeys’ version, the call feels impulsive, driven by a heady mix of ego and longing — perhaps more about rekindling a fleeting connection than confronting lasting emotions. But, when I listen to Hozier, I picture someone asking this question (in the absence of the other), reflecting on the times they have been lying alone at night, having a drink by themselves and listening to the tunes that remind them of the one that got away. 

Even the main line, “Do I wanna know…If this feeling goes both ways”, resonates differently in the two versions.  When I listen to the Arctic Monkeys singing this line, it gives me a sense that they are hesitant of knowing the truth as it might hurt their youthful ego. But when I listen to Hozier, I get a sense of someone who is afraid of confirming something they know is true but do not want to completely accept. Lastly, the only difference in lyrics (that I notice) are the words “Baby” and “Darling”. The Arctic Monkeys’ version goes “Baby, we both know….” and Hozier’s one goes “Darling, we both know…” Though both the words are terms of endearment, the word “darling” gives a more intimate meaning than “baby”. The line “Darling we both know…” also gives a sense of maturity, as we rarely use the word unless to someone who really means a lot to us.