hardlifewithana

[hardlifewithana]

The awful things we do to ourselves. I can’t beleive I ate that. I drove all the way down town to get pizza to throw up. I couldn’t even eat half of it. What do I do with the rest? My weight is going down so slow and my best friend is consistently loosing while I’m a failure infront of her. No more excuses to sit at work. If I have charted and completed everything I will pace. I’ll offer to help my coworkers. I need to get this weight off now. I need to restrict my entire shift without having temptations to eat. I will be thin.

[hardlifewithana]

[hardlifewithana]

Randomly found on tick tock a ton of young teens with pro Ed accounts. Not sure how this is allowed. Let’s not repeat 2013 Ed tumblr

[hardlifewithana]

He told me to never get fat. But honey will never understand the length I’ll take to be skin and bone.

[hardlifewithana]

Major life changes coming my way. My body is just killing me im so insecure and I can’t stand it. My weight is finally slowly dropping after one month of gaining 5LBS. Took one month to drop it. Hope for another three by end of October. I am moving states in less than four weeks so I won’t buy any food in my apartment. I recently met a boy who is the sweetest but getting me to eat has been difficult. I also can’t wait to move so I can keep only healthy foods in my apartment and I won’t have to drink.

Training will decrease sadly which will result in a loss of muscle but I don’t like my weight being up so I don’t care. I need to do more cardio but I hate running so I found dance workouts online and they burn 250 in thirty minutes. Two of those a day has my 500 calories burned for the day.

Everything is happening so fast. I hope I can get back down to my safe weight then be ok. With the holidays coming up and me moving I need to look thinner.

[hardlifewithana]

That one thing that got me to stay out of treatment. That one dream that I never believed would happen finally came true. But one dream turns into another and when that next dream is destroyed, it feels that all the work you have done was for nothing and you must go back to your safe place. I wasn’t good enough for them to hire me I wasn’t good enough in how I talked. At least I can get better at my Ed again. I want my graduation to hear my classmates ask have you lost weight.

[hardlifewithana]

Another month another failure. July is so hard with family vacations and my birthday. Majorly fucked up at my capstone clinical this week and I’m trying to get into their nursing program after I graduate and I made two stupid mistakes on one day and it’s just devastated me. What if my school fails me? What if I don’t get hired? I’m trying to think about using it as a way to learn and move forward but I’m so mad at myself and just can’t even think straight. I’m waiting on the email next week so praying that I can redeem myself at my next shifts and really use the rest of the time to prove myself. I swear this all goes down I won’t even see a point in trying.

[hardlifewithana]

I’m such a failure. I need to loose another five pounds asap. I can’t deal with my fat body any longer. Need to stick to my plan and not change any of it.

[hardlifewithana]

The weights not falling fast enough. I am trying to be patient but this is killing me. No binging, did a metabolism day (1200) and I’m really full. Worried what is going to show on the scale. Someone is hosting practice tomorrow and I’m debating on going or going to my parents but going to my parents means lots of food. So I’m probably going to go to practice.

[hardlifewithana]

Not stopping. I will hit my goal this month. I can do this. I am in control. Nothing can stop me. No more 50% committtment we are going 100%

[hardlifewithana]

Both. Feeling fat after breaking a 24 hour fast with 375 calories and a workout earlier. Just gotta keep the cals low.

rb if you hate your cw so fucking much or if you like cats

[hardlifewithana]

God I need to fall into a deep dark mindset where I see weightloss. I have platued for so long because my body knows what I’m doing and I need like a failure. Not seeing the weight go down makes it harder to keep up. I feel like such a fake for having a Ed. I have been on the higher end of restriction this past week. Didn’t do anything to my weight which makes me awful so I need to go a whole day without eating or find the mindset to do so 🥲. I question do I even have an Ed at this point.

[hardlifewithana]

Nothing like being a typical fatass. B/p tonight. Starting a fast til Sunday night. Need to keep my motivation up for this weekend. How do I keep going and not think about food or keep myself from grabbing something to eat. I can’t stand my body. 😩

[hardlifewithana]

Couple of body checks from the last Month. This next month my goal is for my thighs to be smaller. If I can set my mind to it I can make it happen.

[hardlifewithana]

Anyone who’s mind is torturing you because your on vacation, I see you and I hear you❤️

Can’t wait to go home on Monday. I hope I did a metabolism reset and I hope this weight will come off easily. I hate myself

[hardlifewithana]

I’m holding those who I care above the water while I drowning underneath and yet nobody notices.

[hardlifewithana]

Bones are finally showing. Holding onto a lot of water and weight. Trying to find a challenge for myself to stick to as I think I found the problem to my plateu issues.

I have decided to reach out to a therapist again even tho I’m scared. I would rather have it look like I’m getting help so my school wont suspect anything. But I’m also hesitant. We shall see