hazbinheard

[hazbinheard]

Molly and Angel swap identities

*Arackniss calls*

Random guy: (on the phone) Err yeh, aayah, yeh, just one second... (handing it to Molly) ..ah, Angel, it's your brother.

Molly: (as Angel) Hi, Niss. No, no, it's me. (Getting up to move further away from Angel) li-listen, Niss, I can't talk right now, um, but there's something, um... there's something that I've been meaning to tell you...

*Molly glares triumphantly across the room, scaring Angel who also stands up*

Angel: Would you excuse me for a second?

Molly: (as Angel) Remember back in freshman year? (Talking fast before Angel can catch her) Well, Husk and I had sex on your bed!

*Later*

Angel: (on phone) Niss... Niss... NISS, why, whyyy would I sleep with Husk on your bed?

Angel: *mouthing* you are... DEAD!

[hazbinheard]

Husk: I swear, sometimes I feel like I'm married to a child

Angel: You better watch who you're calling a child, Husk

Angel: Because if I'm a child, you know what that makes you? A paedophile

Angel: And I'll be damned if I'm gonna stand here and let myself be lectured by some pervert

[hazbinheard]

Blitzø: Yes! knew I could do it! Get me outta this shithole!

[hazbinheard]

Angel: Would y'all fuck me in this?

Cherri: Um, I will if I they open up like that flap on your butt like long johns

Angel: Oh you're gonna- you're gonna bend me over?

Cherri: Oh I'm sorry, are you not gay?

Husk: *Dying with laughter*

Angel: *Shocked* Oh, um...

[hazbinheard]

Alastor: You two were having sex!

Angel: No we weren't!

Alastor: Yes, you were. I can see it by the back of Husk's hair.

Alastor: *to Husk* You are so lazy! Can't you get on top for once?

[hazbinheard]

Niffty: Angel got stung by a jellyfish.

Angel: Alright, alright. I got stung. I got stung bad. I couldn't stand. I couldn't walk.

Husk: We were two miles from the house. We were scared and alone. We didn't think we could make it.

Angel: I was in too much pain.

Niffty: And I was tired from digging a huge hole!

Husk: And then Lucifer remembered something...

Lucifer: I'd seen this thing on the Discovery Channel.

Vaggie: Wait a minute, I saw that, on the Discovery Channel. About jellyfish, and how if you... Eww! You peed on yourself?

Charlie, Pentious and Alastor: Eww!

Angel: You can't say that! You don't know! I thought I was going to pass out from the pain. Anyway, I tried, but I couldn't bend that way. So... *looks to Lucifer*

Charlie, Pentious and Alastor: *looking at Lucifer* Eww!

Lucifer: Yeah that's right. I stepped up! He's my friend and he needed help. And if I have to I'd pee on any one of you. Only, I couldn't... I got the stage fright. I wanted to help, but there was just too much pressure. So, so I turned to Husk.

Husk: *moans in pain* Lucifer kept screaming at me. Do it now, do it, do it, do it, do it now! Sometimes late at night I can still hear the screaming.

Niffty: That's cause sometimes I scream it through my wall just to freak you out.

[hazbinheard]

Husk: *reading a note he found* If I ever go missing or am found dead, it was my husband

Husk: what the hell is this?

Angel: Oh calm down. It was when we had our first big fight.

[hazbinheard]

*during an activity where they have to paint someone*

Charlie: You've got 20 seconds left, Husk.

Husk: *painting Alastor* Ah come on! 20 seconds to give a man a soul?!

[hazbinheard]

Husk: If I know Alastor, and sorry to say I do. He won't be so cross about the theft of half his bonnet as he will be at the shoddiness of the execution of the theft. It's not a neat job... that will wrangle him.

Alastor: I mean look at it! It looks like it's been done with a knife and fork by the council! It's not square, its not neat, he's wasted material, there's sharp edges, it's all bent. I cannot conceive the mind of a man who would look at that and think that was the right way to do it.

Alastor: *still complaining over the radio directly to Lucifer* I don't mind you taking a bit of my bonnet, that's fair, what I DO mind is you doing an appalling bloody job at it! I could do a better job at it with the end of a bulldozer!

Lucifer: I couldn't find any tools...

Alastor: THE BACK OF THE CAR IS FULL OF BLOODY TOOLS! THE ONLY TOOL IN THIS OPERATION IS YOU!

Alastor: *still complaining*

Husk: This could go on...

Lucifer: *smirking as he turns off the radio as Alastor's complains* There we go, that's got rid of him.

[hazbinheard]

Vox: *coughs* I told you so

Alastor: *coughs* you fucking didn't

[hazbinheard]

Angel: You eat McDonald's? You know how bad that is to put in your body?

Husk: Angel, I've seen the men you put in your body, trust me the McNuggets are healthier

[hazbinheard]

Angel, drunk and performing on stage: Does anyone fancy some lasagne?!

[hazbinheard]

Angel: *to cherri after she's exploded something* JESUS CHRIST ON A CRYSTAL METH BINGE

[hazbinheard]

Alastor *to Vox*: one of the many things that baffles me about you, is that you remain un-mudered

[hazbinheard]

*a random sinner starts flirting with Husk whilst Angel gets drinks*

Niffty: Um, Miss?

Sinner: What?

Niffty: He has a boyfriend

Sinner: I don't see him

Angel: Turn around

*sinner turns around to see Angel*

Angel: Now you see him

[hazbinheard]

Alastor: Say fort

Lucifer: Fort

Alastor: Now say it three times

Lucifer: Fort, fort, fort

Alastor: Spell it twice

Lucifer: F-O-R-T, F-O-R-T

Alastor: Say it two more times

Lucifer: Fort, fort

Alastor: Now, what do you eat soup with?

Lucifer: A fork, HA HA!

Alastor: Really? Because I eat soup with a spoon

[hazbinheard]

Charlie: Everyone pretend to be gardening! Pentious, grab that hoe!

Sir Pentious: *grabs angel*

Angel: That's not what she meant! ...Is it?