#incorrect helluva boss quotes

[lifea16]

Blitz: So I recently started watching Hella-Novella and I honestly have no fucking clue why Gabriela is so obsessed with Alejandro, "Why won't you love me Alejandro" BITCH YOU'VE KNOWN HIM FOR LESS THAN A DAY

Blitz (later) : So when I found out I was Demiromantic-

[helluvahusker]

Verosika: Welcome to the Fuck Blitzø club where we all talk about how much we hate Blitzø

Stolas: *getting up* terribly sorry I thought-

Verosika: and about how we want to fuck him.

Stolas: *sits back down*

[in-the-words-of-the-hellaverse]

Blitzø: I think Stolas is actually in love with me.

Fizzarolli: Congratulations, you're the last to know.

[thats-a-mood-gabriella]

Stolas: Blitz, I'm in love with you. Madly, deeply, irredeemably in romantic love with you. I dream about holding you in my arms as we fall asleep together. I fantasize about marrying you in the moonlight. I want us to grow old together. To raise our daughters together. To make this house a home together. I believe you are my soulmate and I hope to spend the rest of my immortal life devoted to the art of being yours.

Blitz: ... wow, I get it, Stolas, you want me to fuck you tonight. I'm a glorified vibrator to you. Christ on a stick, you're such a thirsty bitch.

[knightinink]

[radvelvetcakez]

Stolas: Do you want to explain the text you sent me last night? Blitzo: It was autocorrect. Stolas: Autocorrect wrote "You're so hot. Please step on me."? Blitzo: Yes.

[this-hazbin-quoted]

Velvette: If a beautiful woman disagrees with me I will immediately change my views. I have no principles.

Verosika: Well maybe you should have principles.

Velvette: You're right maybe I should!

[laz-kay]

Blitzø: Love isn't real.

Moxxie: You're literally making a

Valentine's Day card for Stolas right now.

Blitzø, threatening him with a glue gun: You're on thin fucking ice.

[zootopiathingz]

Lucifer, to Asmodeus and Beelzebub: we’ve decided that if anything should happen to me or Lilith, we would want you two to be Charlie’s guardians.

Bee: *gasps* this is great!! Charlie, when something horrible happens to your parents you’re going to be all ours!

Lucifer: it really is more of an ‘if’ situation—

Ozzie, hugging Charlie and Bee: all ours!!

[blitzosicedcoffee]

This incorrect quote generator is too fucking good I can't stop

[sharkaiju]

Blitzø: You're so great, I love you!

Stolas: *gasps* What did you say?!

Blitzø: UH, nothing, I said "you're so great" then I stopped talking!!

[lifea16]

Blitz: Love is weakness and an evolutionary mistake. Millie: You are literally making a Valentine’s day card for Stolas. Blitz, pointing his hot glue gun towards Millie: You’re on thin fucking ice.

[helluvahusker]

Paimon: My son (I forget his name) has grown up to be a fine regular prince thanks to my fantastic daddying

Blitzø: Your son calls ME daddy now

[in-the-words-of-the-hellaverse]

Blitzø: I just ended an 18 year relationship. Moxxie: Oh, I’m so sorry Sir. Millie: Are you okay Blitz? Blitzø: Hm? Oh yeah, I’m fine. It wasn’t my relationship. *Stolas and Stella are heard fighting in the background*

[weirdkev27]

Charlie: Hey, that’s our newest resident, Mrs. Mayberry.

Lucifer: Mrs. Mayberry? Aw, she’s married.

Charlie: Oh no, dad, she’s single.

Lucifer: Then what happened to Mr. Mayberry?

Charlie: She doesn’t like to talk about it.

[knightinink]

Early into Fizz & Ozzie’s relationship, & Fizz’s attempt at flirting:

Fizz: “Hey there sexy, did it hurt?”

Ozzie: “Hm? Did what hurt? Are you okay? Was I too rough in be-“

Fizz: “When you fell from Heaven?”

Ozzie: “…”

Fizz: “…”

Ozzie: “…”

Fizz: *realization*

Fizz: “OH SHIT I’M SO SORRY-“

Ozzie: “I-I think I need a minute…”

Fizz: “WAIT OZZIE PLEASE, I’M SORRY I DIDN’T EVEN THINK ABOUT THAT! PLEASE, COME BACK!”

Ozzie: “I just need to go lay down for a little bit.”