i-dont-think-youll-ever-see-this

[i-dont-think-youll-ever-see-this]

I really wanted to vent on my secret main blog but I'm terrified about what if people report my blog and take it down? This is why I never posted any vents except putting it in my side blog. I just feel emptied everyday.

I don’t think they’ll ever see this.

[i-dont-think-youll-ever-see-this]

There's a fandom that I still wanted to do art for, but for some reason I stopped. There were these mega popular artists who harassed me and slurs like d**e despite the fact I'm also a lesbian and a small artist years ago, I've always wanted to do animal art but I'm afraid to post it. It is because my art style is still similar to my old account, and I would privately do anything to improve my art and make it look different from my old account with different brushes and inspiration. But I know it will take decades to do so, and that is why I only draw human or human-like character art, as I never posted my human art on my old blog, thankfully. But I just feel so burnt out and weak. I don't want to tell my mooties or my fans on my new account because I don't want to cause two wars between fandom, and my blog was still not as big as my attacker.

I'm just tired. I know it is bad to bottle it up and I should make a callout about them but at the same time, they were too popular to be stopped.

I don’t think they’ll ever see this.

[i-dont-think-youll-ever-see-this]

I hope you die.

The day you stoped breathing in your sleep is the day I mourned you. The fact that you were still alive despite that filled me with love and as time moved, as I got older, it started to fill me with sadnes and hate and eventually indifrance. Every time I hear your voice, I hope it's the last word you say to me. Every time I'm reminded that your my father I try to forget it again. I think of you as something to never become, a role model of every bad decision I could take. The only rediming cuality about you that I hope I inherit is your bility to survive. It's a miracle you are still alive, that you didn't die of alcohol poisoning because of you drinking beer like it's water, or of cancer because you smoke cigarets but somehow instead of getting lung cancer, something that would makes sens, you get bone cancer and are sill alive after years.

I don’t think he’ll ever see this.

[i-dont-think-youll-ever-see-this]

I don't mind byler, but I hate that that's all I see. Also like some of them are rude af, specially when it comes to mileven like little bro it's not a huge deal 😭. Also I don't care if baler becomes Canon I just want my girl el to be happy.

I don’t think they’ll ever see this.

[i-dont-think-youll-ever-see-this]

I fucking hate that whenever I like someone they don't like me. Maybe I'm not sexy or beautiful, but I have ao many things to share. And I believe that that shouldn't matter. I do have self confidence but goddammit, give me someone who is at least fucking interested with me and is single. I have never had a boyfriend or partner and I want one desperately, sometimes I just wan5 someone 5o love me like that. You feel me?

I don’t think they’ll ever see this.

[i-dont-think-youll-ever-see-this]

I am in the process of recovering from a massive crush on one of my best friends. And recently another person in our friend group has been reaching out to me in text messages.

And right now my over-protective brain is terrified that they are trying to make a move on me as a potential love interest. It's probably not the case, and I'm probably overreacting but it's kicking up my fight or flight response all the same.

While I care about this person as a friend I dont have any interest in them as a partner. And part of me is paranoid that the entire friend group might be trying to get us together as a distraction from my previous feelings blunder.

Its probably only paranoia but I'm feeling very defensive right now.

I don’t think they’ll ever see this.

[i-dont-think-youll-ever-see-this]

we were best friends, it was like we were meant to be sisters. we bonded so quickly in just a month and were attached to the hips all the damn time. i shared a lot of things with her, things that i wasn't comfortable sharing even with my own family and it came out so easily when i was with her. but one day, she started ignoring me for no apparent reason. we used to wait outside the classroom for the other but she stopped doing that, even if i was waiting for her, she'd just walk past me and bump into my shoulder. then, just as suddenly, she went back to normal. i didn't say anything. i didn't want to lose her. but then she started hanging out with other girls from our class and talked to me only before and after school. i pointed that out, all of them said i thinking too much into it.

on the last day of our final exam, we had our number in different classrooms. after finishing my paper i went out to see her but she was with the other girls and i thought i'd just talk to all of them but when i went there, they all ignored me as if i wasn't even standing there, just talking among themselves and weren't even glancing at me.

to this day i don't know what i did wrong. even if i did anything wrong.

months later, she called me, crying and told me that someone from our class told her that it looks like she wasn't my first priority and some other things and apologised. i said i would forgive her if she told me who told her those things. she never did.

i just wish she had trusted me like i trusted her. it's been three years and i still don't know who told her those false things, she's still willing to protect that asshole over our friendship.

I don’t think she’ll ever see this.

[i-dont-think-youll-ever-see-this]

Idk abt you but I miss when the unsent project worked well, that’s why I made this blog.

you can send in confessions (asks) to people who won’t see them, or you can just confess something lol

Also if you ask for money I will cry

[i-dont-think-youll-ever-see-this]

My brother is my only sibling and we grew up through some traumatic shit together. but recently he's slowly stopped hanging out and with and doesnt respond to my texts. he still sent me a birthday gift and wish me a happy holiday, but its not enough. I miss my brother more than anything. my heart has been ripped out and it feels like the hole will take a lot of time to heal.

I don’t think he’ll ever see this.

[i-dont-think-youll-ever-see-this]

I really wished we could save our friendship, but they were too convincing when they repeated that they can't change. And then they proved it with their actions as well

I don’t think they’ll ever see this.

[i-dont-think-youll-ever-see-this]

i think i'm gradually falling in love with you and i should probably be upset about it because we're just friends but if anything i think that it's okay because we're friends. i'll always hold more value to that. i can love you in whatever way, i like being your friend.

I don’t think they’ll ever see this.

[i-dont-think-youll-ever-see-this]

idk abt you but I miss when the unsent project worked well, that’s why I made this blog.

you can send in confessions (asks) to people who won’t see them, or you can just confess something lol

[i-dont-think-youll-ever-see-this]

When people use my deadname, it’s hurts my feelings. Because they know what my name is. And they choose to use the wrong one anyway.

I don't think they'll ever see this.

[i-dont-think-youll-ever-see-this]

My parents are devorced and my father has a new girlfriend that's short and sometime he compares her to me. I sometimes wonder if he just likes shorter women and mentions our similarytis for no reason or if it's a kink thing or even a pedo/incest thing.

I don’t think he’ll ever see this.

[i-dont-think-youll-ever-see-this]

(TW/CW: Abusive relationships)

After we had our falling out, and she accused me of being abusive, I pointed out the time she straight up It's been 8 years and it still hurts so bad. I'm glad to find a safe place to say this, but I'm also glad that she'll never see this. just hit me and shoved me and I got told I wasn't remembering it right. That she remembered it because she felt so bad that she replayed it over and over all the time.

And I wish I could spit it at her face how textbook gaslighting that is. I couldn't see it then, but I do now and I've spent so long afraid of myself that I'm abusive.

But then I think about how she hit me and shoved me and told me I remembered that wrong. And I remember her pushing me towards the edge of the roof because I was trying to get space from she and him.

And I think how I got blamed for her actions, that I pushed her to those points.

And I hate that I will never get to say this to her. I need to say it somewhere, though. I know I'm flawed, too, and I made mistakes but for her to take our entire friendship group with her all the while gaslighting me and making me out to be the villain when she was physically and emotionally abusive and manipulative...

I'm glad to find a safe place to say this, but I'm also glad that she'll never see this. I don't need her in my life.

I don’t think she’ll ever see this.

[i-dont-think-youll-ever-see-this]

(TW: mention of sh) My friends brought to my attention that I’ve been kind of mean and that I shut them down sometimes, and they say that they are also worried that I talk about them behind their backs (I don’t)

I’m not mad that they told me abt this and I’m really trying to be a better person, I’ve been slowly improving for a while now and I’m happy they tell me these things so I know what to fix about myself.

I just hate knowing that they talked about this beforehand together, they say they don’t want me talking about them behind their backs but they did that to me (I know they didn’t mean it like that)

I’ve had issues like this in the past and it still haunts me, I really want to talk to them about it but it all happened like a month ago and I’m scared they will say that I’m just causing problems or that I’m being overdramatic.

it’s just that every time I stop thinking about something else I just think about how they probably sat together and talked about how horrible of a person I am, that they hate me, and that they dont want to be friends with me anymore. ( I know they wouldn’t do that because they are amazing but honestly I deserve that)

one of the worst parts is that they were scared to tell me because they were worried that I’d relapse on sh because of them telling me. They know I already hate myself and think I’m a shitty person and they were scared that I’d take what they said and use it as a reason to relapse.

(I did end up relapsing because of it but I don’t really think that’s the point)

And I fucking hate that they ended up apologizing. Apologizing?!?! For what??? Why were they apologizing when I was being a shitty friend, why were they apologizing when i literally deserve to be dead because i can’t be a good friend to anyone.

I did tell them that they don’t get to apologize because they didn’t do anything wrong, but the two of them still feel bad.

it’s all over with now but I sh over it.

I really just want to know how to be a different person because I don’t mean to do stuff like this, before I can think shitty mean stuff comes out of my mouth and I can’t stop it.

I’m sorry for putting this much, this is literally just me venting at this point but I can’t really talk to anyone else about this.

Also bc you post this can ppl also try and help in the replies bc I really need to figure out how to change myself

(Pls respond)

okay okay, so please don’t sh, if this kind of thing upsets you that much please talk to someone and seek help.

second, you are not a bad and horrible person, everyone is still growing and becoming the best versions of themselves. The fact that you want to change is even more proof that you are not a horrible person.

I think talking to your friends might be a good thing, if they would tell you that you’re overdramatic or causing problems by bringing something like this to their attention maybe you shouldn’t be friends with them in the first place.

Also remember that you are a product of your environment, try to surround yourself with good happy people and you will improve!

also like anon said, feel free to leave kind respectful advice in the replies/reblogs if you want.

I don’t think they’ll ever see this.

[i-dont-think-youll-ever-see-this]

Hello! I made this blog to provide a space for people to share secrets and get things off their chest! If you want to submit a confession just submit an ask!