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[ifimhonestidk]

Oblivious Observations

James definitely doesn't notice the way Regulus does. He doesn't see it the way Regulus does.

When Draco Malfoy spits out the last name of Harry's ancestors. The ones they've held so high for generations.

James raves about how his son should stick up for himself and Regulus only ever listens half-heartedly when he goes on those rants. Mostly he watches and hears.

He knows the tone of voice. It runs in the family I guess. The slightly fond tone attached to the pronunciation of the last name. The look in Draco's eyes when he spots Harry and then the shift when Harry notices.

Regulus recognizes all these things because he's been through them. He's been captured by the Potter gaze and he still isn't quite sure how to get out of it.

He knows the voice because it was the only one he talked to James in for years. But James doesn't notice it.

James can't notice it or else he would've noticed it all those years ago and everyone knows that just didn't happen.

James doesn't notice it, but he does notice something else.

He notices the slight anticipation in Harry's eyes when Draco approaches him. It's the same one he pretends is for Ginny only.

He notices the furrow in Harry's eyebrows out of pure confusion after he's interacted with the boy because why on Earth can he not just like him?

He notices the excitement when Draco actually talks to him for long without insulting him.

He notices it because the apple doesn't fall too far from the tree. Because James has been there and understands all the confusion and excitement and anticipation and all the true meanings behind those emotions.

But, he also knows it couldn't end well, because James has gotten his heart broken by too many people to even consider the fact of asking someone out who clearly does not like him. He may be bold, but he's not stupid.

James doesn't notice the way Regulus does. But the opposite is also true.

Maybe the future generation was always destined to be a repeat of the firsts mistakes. If we don't learn our history, we are bound to repeat it.

Or maybe.

Maybe the next generation is the best out of us all. Maybe we can learn from them.

James and Regulus both sit in pure shock wondering how Draco Malfoy and Harry Potter had gone from rolling eyes and calling silly names to holding hands and stealing kisses.

[ifimhonestidk]

What If?

Sirius had often wondered about the 'what if's' of his life.

He wondered what would happen if he had stayed, if he had let his parents corrupt him. He'd then have to think of the why. Why would he do that? Why would he choose to be forged and molded by their hands?

There was the obvious reason, Regulus.

He had almost lost a battle with himself to leave when it came to his little brother. He was a Gryffindor, and yet he hadn't the courage to stay in that house to protect his little brother. What a Gryffindor he was.

There was always more than one reason though. There was definitely more than Regulus that he had come up with for reasons to stay.

He could've been scared.

Sirius had the smallest amount of Gryffindor courage out of them all, so this option doesn't come as much of a shocker to him.

He could've been scared and afraid.

He was always afraid of them. Is. He still is afraid of them. Of what they'd do if they found him, what they currently do to Regulus. It all makes him want to die, to turn over a new leaf and leave the wicked world that had made his life this way.

Then, there was the less obvious.

With little courage, Sirius could have also been sorted into Slytherin. He'd no longer have James and Peter and Remus. Oh, Remus.

If he's honest, he has only ever wanted to leave because of them. He's scared of that house and the people inside of it, but at least it's familiar. At least he knows what to expect when he steps foot into the cold, bare house. Never a home.

As a Slytherin, he'd probably be closer to his brother though. Sometimes Sirius wishes he was one for that specific reason, but only on his darkest days does he have that wish.

Then there's the least obvious reason, the reason that scares Sirius the most and leaves him shaken up time and time again.

He knows the danger of 12 Grimmauld Place and the people within. He knows what his mother and father are capable of, he's experienced it first hand. He knows how the spells and hits leave him battered and bruised, on the brink of death.

A fine line stands between the living and the dead. Sirius walks on that line most of his time at 12 Grimmauld Place.

So maybe they get him this time. Maybe they've finally snapped on trying to fix Sirius, figure he's too much work, and just get rid of him.

Sirius shivers at the thought every time. That he might forever be trapped in that house because he was never given the ability to get out. He didn't have the time. It's a nightmare that wakes Sirius up most nights. That he has died at the hands of his parents, or worse, it's Regulus.

Sirius always finds a way to blame himself, whether it's the fact that Regulus takes ownership for something that was completely Sirius' fault or Sirius just doesn't happen to be able to save him.

But he tries, every single time he tries to help his brother escape the grasps of death.

And every time he fails.

And every time he's awoken in a cold sweat.

And every time Remus wakes up with him, stroking his hair and whispering reassurances to him because it's not his fault and he couldn’t have saved someone else when he needed saving himself. But it only works momentarily. And then the cruel cycle of life continues.

Until he sees the Daily Prophet, news of a death.

The death of a death eater. How ironic? Sirius likes to think to stop himself from tearing up at the fact that that person was just another casualty of war despite the side they were on.

But this time, Sirius doesn't laugh. Or cry. Or make any noise or reaction. He's stuck as he reads of a death, the picture on the cover too familiar to be anything good. Sirius freezes.

He can't hear when Remus calls his name or feel it when he shakes him. He can feel, however, the newspaper being ripped from his hands as Remus reads about the death of his baby brother.

Then, and only then, do the tears begin to pour.

"Oh, Pads."

A gut wrenching sob escapes Sirius as he crumbles.

It's all a nightmare, until it's war and your worst dreams become realities. When Sirius could not save his brother, even now, from the grips of death.

Sirius started to wonder, as he always does, but this time it's different. He wonders when it will ever end.

The world is a cruel place and even crueler when the 'what if’s' become realities.

[ifimhonestidk]

Home ~ Jegulus

James Potter and Regulus Black sat in the Potter's living room. They weren't doing anything which made the predicament Regulus found himself in, a hundred percent worse.

James had seen Regulus sitting alone and decided he would try to make the boy feel more comfortable in the place he would be staying in for as long as he wished. Sirius had insisted on Regulus coming with him to the Potter's and Regulus couldn't find a good reason not to.

Now that he was here though, Regulus could think of a million reasons he should have stayed. He was constantly haunted by the fear of his parents coming to get him. And he just felt like he was burdening the Potter's.

They knew Sirius but Regulus was just a stranger asking to live in their home. James seemed to notice Regulus' uneasiness and sought to reassure him. To make sure he knew that him being here was in no way a bother. But James didn't know how to exactly say that so here they were sitting in the Potter's living room, not daring to look at one another.

It was quiet and uncomfortable until James tried to put his thoughts into words. It went like something along these lines;

"I know that you don't think you're welcome here, like Sirius is, but I'm glad you're here and I will do anything I can to make this place your home."

And then James Potter smirked. Regulus furrowed his eyebrows. No, not smirked, smiled. Regulus didn't think James Potter could smile, but here he was. This was a smile.

It looked nothing like it usually does when he's planning pranks or talking to Evans. It doesn't look like the one that sports his face while playing quidditch or telling jokes.

This was a sincere smile and it made Regulus queesie. He didn't like how just looking at the smile on James' face made him smile. He shouldn't like it, couldn't like it. Because this was his brother's best friend.

But Regulus smiled and got butterflies from James Potter's stupid smile. He would never admit it but Regulus had more hope than he did earlier that day, that he might be able to adjust to living here all because of James Potter and his stupid sincere smile.

[ifimhonestidk]

"Lonely" by Noah Cyrus is James Fleamont Potter (specifically after he loses both his parents)

I don't know why or how, but just it is.

[ifimhonestidk]

Why ~ Jegulus

James knows a lot of things. I mean he goes to Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry so he must. However, James doesn’t know why Regulus Black hates him. He doesn’t think he’s ever wronged the man, James would remember such things. He’s like that. He remembers everything he’s ever done wrong. James is much like an elephant in that way. But, he can’t think of anything he’s done, accident or not, to make Regulus hate him so much. He doesn’t like when people hate him for no apparent reason. He wants to seem like a good person to everybody, not just some. James should be studying but instead, he’s thinking about how much Regulus hates him. Remus flicks his forehead and James winces at the sensation. 

“What are you doing?” Remus’ eyes flash from James to his unopened books. James glances down at said books. 

“Reading?” Remus rolls his eyes.

“You can leave if your not gonna finish anything, but I will track you down and make you finish your work eventually.” James stands up and quickly gathers his stuff. 

“Thank you so much, Moony,” James hesitates before kissing Remus on his forehead. Remus promptly swats his face away, but he has a smile on his face nonetheless.

“Tell the other idiots that they have to finish their homework for tomorrow,” Remus yells to James. James yells “Goodbye,” in response Remus shakes his head with a smile on his face before he gets back to his work. James enters the boys’ dormitory loudly as he always does. 

“G’day lads.” 

“No, it’s not, Moony’s gonna chew my ear off if I don’t finish my homework,” Peter whines as Sirius throws hats at him, hoping one of them will stay on his head. 

“And this wanker won’t stop bothering me because he thinks Moony won’t beat his arse if he doesn’t finish his homework.” Sirius laughs as he puts on a sombrero and dances his way over to James. Frank transfigures one of his pillows into two maracas from over on his bed and starts singing as Sirius continues to dance. James laughs and puts his books in his trunk. Kingsley shakes his head and throws a pencil at Frank to get him to shut up. Frank throws one of the maracas at Kingsley but stops singing anyway. 

“Anyone wanna come to the quidditch pitch with me?” 

“You don’t even need to ask Prongs,” Sirius spoke as he threw on one of Remus’ jumpers. 

“See, I would, but the problem is,” Frank started stopping short. 

“I don’t want to,” Frank walked over to James, patting him on the shoulder before exiting the room. James just laughs. Sirius and he make their way onto the field. They mount their brooms and take to the sky. It wasn’t till James was almost sent to the ground that they realized they weren’t alone.

“Blimey Potter, watch where your fucking flying.” James is taken aback by the boy’s sweaty figure and long, curly hair. His hand seems to be holding onto something, probably a snitch, Regulus is a seeker after all. 

“Fucking hell, James. Mate, are you alright?” Sirius rushes to his best mate’s side. He seems to be unfazed by his brother’s presence. It’s possible he hadn’t even noticed him. 

Regulus’ heart sinks. He’s selfish for wanting Sirius’ attention when he had just hit Potter, but he’s always craved Sirius’ attention. All he’s ever wanted is for Sirius to care about him, but he doesn’t even spare Regulus a look in his direction because of Potter. Before Potter, Regulus was happy. He was loved by his brother. But now. Now he’s been replaced by Potter. The worst part is he can’t even blame Sirius. Potter has to be the nicest person Regulus has ever met. Regulus, himself, is the opposite. It makes sense why Sirius would want to be around the ever peppy James Potter, but Regulus is his blood. His brother. He had hoped that would’ve counted for more but I guess not. Regulus flies to the ground and then heads to the locker rooms. He feels and looks like shit. He washes the dirt off his body and sulks. He can’t rid his thoughts of James Potter. He hates him for taking his brother away, the only source of happiness Regulus has ever had. Does he know what it’s like in that house? His brother hates him, his parents hate him. Potter took away the only love he’s ever felt in a matter of weeks. Regulus punches the wall, imagining Potter’s face in that spot. He cries out in agony. He washes off his bleeding knuckles and bandages them. He packs his bag and leaves the locker room. He catches a glimpse of them, Sirius and Potter, playing in the sky. Their laughing and joking and Regulus can’t help but feel anything other than hatred for James Potter, the person who stole his brother.

James has been tossing and turning in his bed since he’d laid in it. He’s about had it with Regulus Black. Regulus had hit him on the quidditch pitch and James still couldn’t find himself to dislike the youngest Black. That’s all he had been thinking about all night, Regulus. He had taken James’ breath away on the quidditch pitch, both figuratively and not. James’ stomach grumbled. He was alarmed by the sound. Peter and Sirius are both rather light sleepers, though Peter more than Sirius. Sirius had gotten to sleeping better ever since he started sleeping in Remus’ bed. James carefully pulled the invisibility cloak from the edge of his bed and got up. James, being the idiot he is, got off on the side of his bed with the creaky floorboard. He cringed at the sound and then again at Peter’s sleepy voice. 

“James?” James slowly turned his head and spoke. 

“Hiya Pete.” Peter rubbed his eyes with his fists and spoke. 

“What are you doing up?” 

“Just got a bit hunger.” Peter nodded and went back to laying down. 

“Don’t wake me on the way back in here,” Peter warned as he fell back asleep. James nodded and tiptoed out of their dorm. He put on his invisibility cloak and walked all the way to the Kitchens. He entered the portrait but stopped short, noticing another person in the room. 

“I bumped into him again today,” Regulus says to some house-elf, before taking a sip from his cup. 

”Like literally, I bumped into him while playing quidditch.” 

James stopped short. 

Regulus couldn’t have bumped into many other people while playing quidditch today, right? That’s not a coincidence, right? 

James is quick to duck behind a counter when he hears someone approach him. By some miracle, he’s not caught but he continues to hide behind the counter. 

”Everything about him bothers me.” 

“Why is that Mr. Regulus?” one of the house-elves ask him. Regulus sighs before answering him. 

“You don’t have to use Mr. in front of my name, Skiff.” 

“Well, what should Skiff use instead, Miss?” Regulus waves the elf off. 

“No, it’s not that. I just don’t like the formality of it all.” 

“Skiff doesn’t understand.” Regulus sighs and puts his hand on the elf’s shoulder. 

“That’s okay, Skiff.” James furrows his eyebrows at how the two interact. James never knew this side of Regulus existed, though, with the way Regulus talks about him, I guess he doesn’t know much about the Slytherin at all. James, being the idiot he is (this already being assured once tonight), conveniently knocks over a bowl on the counter above him. It should’ve just hit him, probably not making any noise, but once James had seen the bowl start to lose its balance, he reached out to get it and was unsuccessful. Resulting in the bowl making a rather alarming noise and Regulus and all the surrounding house-elves being alerted of James’ presence. Regulus gets up from his spot, wand in hand, and walks slowly over to James. Everything had happened so quickly James didn’t know what to do but stay there and face his fate. 

“Potter?!” Regulus screeches in disbelief. James slowly gets up with his hands held up high, as if he’s just been caught. Well, to be fair, he has just been caught. 

“I have half the mind to hex you right now,” Regulus says, no longer surprised but rather outraged. James gulps. 

“Please don’t.” 

“What are you even doing here? Are you spying on me?” 

“What- no- of course not,” James sputters out. Regulus raises his eyebrow. 

“Really cause that’s not what it looked like.” 

“Okay, well, to be fair, I hadn’t come down here with the intent to spy on you.” 

“What? So you just happen to be hiding behind a counter listening to me talk? Sounds like something Sirius would do. Did Sirius put up to this? I’m surprised he’d even give me a second thought.” 

“I’m not down here because of Sirius. Plus, he’s not what you think he is.”

“Oh really. And how would you know that.” 

“He’s my best friend. He’s like a brother to me.” The air was already tense, but now they might as well have changed states of matter. 

“He’s not your brother,” Regulus states through his teeth. 

He’s fighting for his life not to cry, he always has been. Regulus is said to be too in touch with his emotions, but I think Sirius was just being nice to him. Regulus is a crybaby and he knows it. He’s tried so hard to bury his emotions so far down that maybe they wouldn’t be intact anymore, but no. He’s spent five years trying to hide his emotions as best as he can after he was punished for crying too much. “You need to toughen up. Become more of a man.” were his father’s exact words. Those words ring through his head as he tries to stop his eyes from leaking in front of fucking James Potter, the only person he hates more in the world than probably himself. It doesn’t help that James seems to notice the effect his words had on Regulus and tried to comfort him. 

“Shit. Regulus I’m sorry.” Regulus lets a tear fall as he is reminded that his brother had already replaced him once Sirius stepped on the Hogwarts Express. Or maybe it was the first steps into Hogwarts or maybe the boats or his Gryffindor dorm or maybe, maybe Regulus was never truly his brother in Sirius’ heart. To be honest, he probably loved Andromeda as a brother more than Regulus. 

“Don’t call me Regulus.” Regulus just lets the tear roll down his face and hit the floor. James has never felt more responsible for hurting someone in his life, so he scoops Regulus up in a hug and rubs his back. He tries to soothe the now aggressively sobbing boy but does such with no luck. Regulus tries to pull away from James, but he knows. James has comforted enough people to know that Regulus needs to be embraced. 

“Shhh, it’s okay. I’m sorry Regulus.” Regulus lets out another heart throbbing sob. 

“Don’t fucking call me that. I hate you. I’ve hated you since Sirius left for school. Since Sirius’ letters stopped coming in November. I hate you because I know the exact day they stopped coming and why? Because of you, that’s fucking why. I’ve hated you since you made Sirius stop loving me. Since the summer of first year, when Sirius spent all his time at your house. Since Sirius ignored me for my first year. Do you know how scared I was? How scary it was being all alone at this school because my brother hated me? Because of his little friends that were everything I wasn’t. That made him realize I wasn’t good enough. I fucking hate you James Potter for making him realize I wasn’t good enough. I was never good enough, was I? But you made him realize that I was everything short of perfect. That I was nothing like you. Like his real brother. I mean you might as well be right. So get the fuck away from me Potter.” 

James almost starts to cry with Regulus. He never knew how much pain he had caused him. The reason James couldn’t recall the moment he had wronged Regulus into hating him is because it wasn’t just one moment. Regulus hiccups and sinks down to the floor, bringing James with him. 

“I hate you,” Regulus mutters sleepily. His eyes flutter shut as he falls asleep on James. James kisses his forehead. He assumes one of the house-elves had made a blanket for Regulus. James knows he should probably take Regulus back to his dorm and retreat to his but he can’t find it in himself to move the sleeping boy. He’s already put him through so much. James knows he won’t be able to ease all of the boy’s pain but he’s going to try. 

He will do whatever it takes to make it up to Regulus Black. And swears to never let anyone hurt him as much as James has.

[ifimhonestidk]

High School Sweethearts

Regulus: James, love, my pride and joy

James: You’re scaring me

Regulus: We need to break up

James (gasping very dramatically): What?!?!? Why?!?

James(pouting):

Regulus: How long have we been together?

James(still pouting): Since 7th ye-

Regulus: Exactly!! If we get married, I’d be marrying my high school sweetheart and that’s just gross

James(in disbelief): But they did it!!!

James(pointing at Sirius and Remus):

Sirius: I love you

Remus: I love you more

Sirius: I looooove you

Regulus: Yeah. Exactly my point. Gross.