im-a-mess-of-a-person

[im-a-mess-of-a-person]

matthias helvar was not a nazi, he was a boy built like a weapon and left to die trying to be human

i am so unbelievably tired of people calling matthias a nazi or white supremacist (????) like they skimmed six of crows with one eye and a twitter filter and decided to cosplay moral literacy.

you want to understand drüskelle? look at vikings. look at central asian nomads. look at mongol military doctrine. not fucking gestapo. fjerdan language is literally scandinavian rooted, the culture is a cold, norse coded polytheistic pantheon, a divine warrior class, and sacred wolves, tribal theocracy. they literally do not give a single fuck about being superior and think that others are subhuman for being different. all they talk about is grisha are dangerous but not because they’re lesser but because they’re threat.

matthias was not raised on supremacy. he was raised on vengeance. his family got murdered, he was conscripted as a child. not brainwashed like it’s a class he could skip; groomed, militarized, stripped of softness, molded into a holy weapon by a state that demanded obedience and called it righteousness.

you think this is a redemption arc? it’s not. it’s a ghost story.

he doesn't know how to be a human. nina tells him -literally textually, not subtextually- he doesn’t know the difference between a good man and a good soldier. he gives her the same oath he gave fjerda. that’s not romance. that’s structural damage. this boy has no idea how to want something for himself without filtering it through violence, duty, or sacrifice.

he doesn’t even have a personality. not really. not until right before he dies

when he, jesper, and kuwei escape from the dime lions, and for the first time in his entire life, he thinks "i’ll find nina. we’ll change the world."

that’s the first moment he thinks like a person. not a soldier. not a legacy. a person.

and what does he do?

he tries to help a boy.

and he dies.

not because he “paid the price for his past.”

he dies because he was a half-built soul making a full-hearted decision with no idea how to survive it.

he still thinks like a twelve year old boy who accepted losing blood for trassel

“i won’t hurt you even if you hurt me.” // “you don’t want to hurt me. i was like you once.”

he still acts like “doing good” means dying for it. because that’s the only model he’s ever had.

this isn’t justice. it’s unfinished. it’s unfair. it’s textually written to be a scream cut short.

and you reduce that to “nazi boy dies lol”?

be fucking for real

matthias didn’t get a redemption arc, he was learning how to be a human and we were going to read his redemption if he didn't fucking die.

matthias helvar was not evil.

he was barely even alive before he met nina/crows

and he dies the moment he starts to imagine he could be more.

ps. also, no, he didn’t get shot by his "past self." matthias never would’ve shot a man who was unarmed and willing to cooperate. joran was 14 when he killed matthias. matthias was 12 when he risked losing his arm to save trassel. he didn’t even scream when his bone was about to break.

he was the same 12 year old boy who thought he could gain the trust of the aggressive opponent by being kind. that’s why he died. because he never got to grow up fully.

[im-a-mess-of-a-person]

the more i ponder it the better bartylily sounds

[im-a-mess-of-a-person]

it’s deeply important to me in my soul that sirius and regulus both have lovely little curly wavy hair and NOT sleek smooth straight hair

and it’s also deeply important to me that they get hair tips and curl routines from their curly girl friends

[im-a-mess-of-a-person]

im so sorry i literslly haven’t posted here in forever 😭😭 i’ve had so much shit going on i have not had the time but ill try to get back on the grind (also dont be offended if i haven’t been replying to mentions or doing the tag games i just haven’t been on tumblr for like two months)

[im-a-mess-of-a-person]

conan gray IS sirius black. you cannot change my mind

[im-a-mess-of-a-person]

i appreciate all of my moots (i can’t find my list anymore i need to go through and make a new one but i love you all🫶🫶)

 A friend threatened me to repost so I will!

Basically, there r tons of fake asses on tumblr who just want comments and followers, so someone started this to see who's actually a good friend. Everyone I tag better repost (and tag other people and preferably threaten them in a creative way as well) bc I'm high on caffeine and newfound lesbianism and will resort to violence.

@ey-theys-was-coronas

@fangirlhehe

I would tag more people but they're the only ones I've really interacted with-

[im-a-mess-of-a-person]

mumford and sons is so james potter coded

[im-a-mess-of-a-person]

ok genuine question do we think snow loved lucy gray or not? i kind of feel like he did in a twisted sort of way that ruined him forever. but also he could just be a power hungry saidstic maniac idk.

what do yall think?

[im-a-mess-of-a-person]

so i just finished sunrise on the reaping time to make that my new personality for the next six months

but seriously i’m not okay after that it like altered my mind forever

[im-a-mess-of-a-person]

me after sunrise on the reaping holy shit

“maybe they survived somehow!!😇🤪😼”

-me when a character literally could not be more dead

[im-a-mess-of-a-person]

i love these th for the taggg

this feels painfully accurate

npt

@agathokakolog1cal @fangirlofbasicallyeverthing @gryffindorchaserno1 @deswhomst @laurakinneyswife @rocknr0llzb @tailorofdeath13 @cool-lesbian-is-here @taleofapart-timepoet @abductedhiko @siriusly70s @wisegirl42 @deepesttyrantwizard @mariapoten @inhkeart @moonystrucksstuff @sunmoonyandstars @in-a-different-timeline @roseanneblack @moochymoony @1-800-tacomuncher @arcadianstar27 @poppy-petals18 @invasiveroadkill @petalsblooming @lovely-lavender-sunshine @joeyyy101 @hauntedmystic @sunshinewhosketches @dewdropsystemweb @r0seprincess @lchael @stellaniffler @bemusedrodent @stupidsimp100 @stardustaapocalypse @prongss78 @lyricelestin @agoodgirlsguideto-starving @faerie-remuslupinsversion @marlenesgirl @regulusarityy @werewolfinfluencer @karmaisakat212 @kitsmittens @dar-thestrawberry @starrysky1212 @luc-estrella

tysm for the tag <3 @yumclaire

search “my vibe aesthetic” on pinterest & post the top results

tags: @bleachbambi @daisyrandoneisme @cellophane-rat-2 @cigarettesincalifornia @jeante13 + anyone else who wants to do it!!

[im-a-mess-of-a-person]

man sometimes you just really need to eat an orange

[im-a-mess-of-a-person]

just heard someone call trail mix “m&m’s with obstacles.” my life is forever changed.

[im-a-mess-of-a-person]

live music suddenly reminds me that there’s actually still good in the world. feeling the bass in your blood is the most life inspiring feeling to exist.

[im-a-mess-of-a-person]

JESS MARIANO IS THE LOVE OF MY LIFE

[im-a-mess-of-a-person]

when did i start shipping moonwater romantically…??

[im-a-mess-of-a-person]

rip james potter, you would’ve loved dancing to shakira