imtotallynotanothersameperson

[imtotallynotanothersameperson]

One day I will finally cut enough of myself out and no one will be able to make fun of me anymore. If I make myself small enough no one can see me and I will finally feel safe. I don't want to be seen or loved cause then someone will know me and be able to hurt me. Friends and family are not safety they are only there so they can hurt me because I'm fun to hurt. People only like me when I'm a punching bag. I know everyone thinks I'm trash and fucking lies to my face about it I know you all talk about how stupid and disgusting I am when I leave the room. I don't want to be a person anymore I want to a flea on a rat so no one can hurt me anymore.

[imtotallynotanothersameperson]

realizing you’re built to understand but not to be understood

[imtotallynotanothersameperson]

work is so weird for me

i do something kinda stupid and then i want to quit or die because of it and never see anyone again

but then i go back and i say and do the same stupid things like i dont agonize over it at home

gotta pay the bills tho

but it’s probably going to end in a hospital bill :/

[imtotallynotanothersameperson]

This isn’t a life. I am not alive. There is no way this is it.

[imtotallynotanothersameperson]

man i think i may be causing all of my problems with everyone ever. im such a fake sometimes but then im super genuine.

i guess there’s a reason why it’s called a personality disorder

[imtotallynotanothersameperson]

You know shits bad when you can’t even post about it on tumblr.

[imtotallynotanothersameperson]

Its so hard to never be anybody's first choice no matter how hard I try theirs just something wrong with me

[imtotallynotanothersameperson]

i keep seeing that figure poking its head around the corner, man wtf go away perv

[imtotallynotanothersameperson]

do not give me this mindset, it will end badly for everyone but i appreciate the sentiment

why do i force myself to not express what im feeling to not hurt others

i don’t want to hurt them, but it hurts me too

[imtotallynotanothersameperson]

the world feels so hollow and lonely without them

[imtotallynotanothersameperson]

i know i post this shit because of my need to be understood

just wanted you guys to understand that too

i just wanted you guys to know that i’m somewhat self aware lmao

just so you know ahaha

just wanted to put it out there :)

[imtotallynotanothersameperson]

My ending will always be suīcīde

I’m so tired of people

[imtotallynotanothersameperson]

“absence makes the heart grow fonder”

absence makes me want to kms

[imtotallynotanothersameperson]

the emptiness is back

i know i’m not rational right now and knowing that is making even less so.

fuck

it’s a phase, like the moon, it’s a phase of thought process, the waning moon, a new moon

it will repeat

again

and again

and i am still here nearly an observer of my own changes

[imtotallynotanothersameperson]

you’ll never be as obsessed with me as i am with you and that hurts so bad

[imtotallynotanothersameperson]

This year keeps testing me by seeing how much it can throw at me until I give in and kill myself

[imtotallynotanothersameperson]

Honestly kudos to my parents for coming up with such a creative mix of mental illnesses and traumas to give to me.