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What kinds of cars GI Joe characters would drive

Shipwreck: '70s Corvette Stingray with a surfboard on top and a Salt Life sticker

Roadblock: Big red Ram 3500 dually pickup covered in patriotic bumper stickers, with a bald eagle hood ornament and an American flag mounted on the antenna

Snake Eyes: BMW R1200RT motorcycle, quick and silent just like him

Gung Ho: '90s 4x4 Chevy pickup covered in mud with a faded New Orleans Saints sticker and hunting and fishing gear in the back

Ace: Polaris Slingshot three-wheeled vehicle; he drives it around while wearing aviator glasses and a bomber jacket to look cool but unfortunately he's from Rhode Island

Law: Police package Crown Victoria; it's his old patrol car from when he was with the Houston Police Department and he bought it at an auction for sentimental value

Tunnel Rat: '90s Toyota Supra tuner car with a spoiler, flashy rims, low-riding suspension, neon underglow lights beneath the chassis, and Japanese writing on the sides (he doesn't actually know what the writing says)

Lifeline: Kia Soul that he uses to deliver Doordash orders in his spare time

Dusty: Dirty, beat-up, sand-colored '80s Toyota Hilux pickup that probably used to be used by some terrorist organization in the Middle East

Wild Bill: A horse. Literally just a horse

Footloose: Tesla Cybertruck with a "stonks" meme bumper sticker. He paid for it entirely in crypto. The interior smells like weed and the horn sound is the Windows XP startup sound

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Cobra Commander: Love? Love fades away. But things? Things are forever.

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Low-Light: Goodbye everyone, I'll remember you all in therapy

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Cobra Commander: They very, very unfairly accused us of poisoning our rival team

Destro: You got framed?

Cobra Commander: No, we did poison the s**t out of them. But they didn't have any proof

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Shipwreck: Went to church for the first time in a long time and they passed me a bowl full of money. I'm gonna start going every week now

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Zartan: I'd like to offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals

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Lifeline: You know, not every problem can be solved with a gun

Beachhead: That's why I carry two guns

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Bazooka: That's one of my biggest fears. Like, if I ever woke up as a donut...

Alpine: You would eat yourself?

Bazooka: I wouldn't even question it

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Cobra Commander: Some of you may die, but that's a sacrifice I'm willing to make

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Storm Shadow: I remember when I was a kid I could go to the store with $1 and come home with 3 bags of chips, 2 candy bars, 6 packs of Starburst, and a cold drink. Nowadays they got cameras everywhere.

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Beachhead: There are no stupid questions, just stupid people

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Ace: Dude what is your street name?

Shipwreck: Li'l Hector

Ace: You live on a street called Li'l Hector?

Shipwreck: Ohhhh you meant my address?

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Roadblock: lmao my lyft deadass got out the car to fight someone

Roadblock: he won, 5 stars

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Duke: Go ahead and introduce yourselves

Lifeline: My name is Edwin with a B and I have been afraid of insects for my entire-

Duke: Stop, stop, stop. Where?

Lifeline: Hm?

Duke: Where's the B?

Lifeline: There's a bee?!?

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What GI Joe characters would do with their stimulus checks

Lifeline: saves it "for a rainy day"

Roadblock: buys one of those gigantic, fancy barbecue grills

Shipwreck: attempts to purchase a yacht. Finds out the stimmy isn't enough to afford one. Goes into a state of deep depression.

Dusty: buys a "project" car. Thinks he will fix it and drive it (he will not)

Hawk: takes his family on a Caribbean vacation

Mutt: donates it all to help stray dogs

Snake Eyes: cashes it and disappears

Flint: invests in Bitcoin

Alpine: invests in Dogecoin

Footloose: drugs

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Cobra Island: *is created*

Cobra:

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Cobra Commander: I always think of nice things but I never act on them