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Roy: Do you want sweet or salty popcorn?

Cole, gesturing to Elsa: I want it like her.

Roy: We don't have ugly popcorn.

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Donnelly, reaching for the tissues: May I?

Leary, taking them away: Those are my tissues, James.

Leary: If you were planning on sneezing, you should've brought your own.

Donnelly:

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Elsa: I'm out of sanitary napkins, can you get me some from the store?

(later)

Roy: Alright, babe, I'm at the pad aisle what size pussy do you wear?

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Cole: Elsa told me instead of being sad, I should go get it, girl. So I'm going to go get it, girl.

Jack: Get what?

Cole: Unclear. I'll get everything just to be safe.

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(Roy pretending he's dead)

Roy: Is he crying? Is he crying?

Cole, on the phone with Archie: A little.

Roy, taking the phone from him: You should be wailing, you stone cold bitch!

Roy, to Cole: Now call my other partner.

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Roy: I love working here, it's just, we all have a lot of laughs.

Also Roy: Fuck off, Janet, I'm not going to your fucking baby shower.

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Elsa: Hey, I'm a lesbian.

Roy: I thought you were German?

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Marie: Hey, I'm a lesbian.

Cole: I thought you were American?

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Cole: (on the phone with Roy) Hello?

Roy: Hey, what’s up?

Cole: I need your help. Can you come here?

Roy: I can’t. I’m buying weed.

Cole: Alright, well hurry up and come over here.

Roy: I can’t find it.

Cole: What do you mean you can’t find it?

Roy: I can’t find it. There’s only soup.

Cole: What do you mean “there’s only soup”?

Roy: It means there’s only soup.

Cole: Well, then get out of the soup aisle!

Roy: Alright, you don’t have to shout at me! ...There’s more soup!

Cole: What do you mean “there’s more soup”?!

Roy: There’s just more soup!

Cole: Go into the next aisle!

Roy: There’s still soup!

Cole: Where are you right now?!

Roy: I’m at soup!

Cole: WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU’RE “AT SOUP”?!

Roy: I MEAN I’M AT SOUP!

Cole: WHAT STORE ARE YOU IN?!

Roy: I’M AT THE SOUP STORE!

Cole: WHY ARE YOU BUYING WEED AT THE SOUP STORE?!

Roy: FUCK YOU!

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Jack: Have a safe flight.

Roy: It's not like I have a say in the matter.

Jack, already driving off: Die then.

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Leary: I have so many kids.

Stefan: Haha yea-

Leary: You're one of them.

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Rusty: So. Who broke it? I’m not mad. I just want to know.

Cole: I did. I broke it–

Rusty: No. No, you didn’t. Roy?

Roy: Don’t look at me. Look at Jack.

Jack: What?! I didn’t break it.

Roy: Huh. That’s weird. How did you even know it was broken?

Jack: Because it’s sitting right in front of us and it’s broken!

Roy: Suspicious.

Jack: No, it’s not!

Stefan: If it matters, probably not… Elsa was the last one to use it.

Elsa: Liar! I don’t even drink that crap!

Stefan: Oh really? Then what were you doing by the coffee cart earlier?

Elsa: I use the wooden stirrers to push back my cuticles. Everyone knows that, Stefan!

Cole: Alright let’s not fight. I broke it, let me pay for it, Rusty.

Rusty: No. Who broke it?

Jack: [whispering] Rusty, Courtney’s been awfully quiet…

Courtney: Really?!

Jack: Yeah, really!

…

Rusty: I broke it. It burned my hand so I punched it. I predict ten minutes from now, they’ll be at each other’s throats with warpaint on their faces and a pig head on a stick. Good. It was getting a little chummy around here.

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Cole: From now on, we’re using codenames. You can address me as Eagle One. Jack is: ‘Been There, Done That’. Stefan is: 'Currently Doing That’. Roy is: 'It Happened Once In A Dream’. Elsa is: 'If I Had To Pick a Woman’. Herschel is: 'Eagle Two’.

Herschel: Oh, thank god.

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the mods of incorrect la noire want to wish everyone a happy pride month with these jack kelso icons!

there’s more on the way of course but know that requests are open! - mod char

bonus bc tumblr limit:

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Stefan: Ever shouted "fuck the police"? Well, here's your chance.

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Stefan: Go fuck yourself.

Roy: Fuck me yourself, coward.

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Cole: Rule 10: Don't listen to Roy.