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izziejomarbles · 2 years
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Honest
once again, writing about my struggles. this one is really dark, so don’t read it if you can’t. read the tw’s on this one because it is important and can be triggering. if you need to talk to someone, you can always message me x
tw’s: death, grief, ed’s, guilt, angst
Tom had been away filming for 4 months. He didn’t really want to leave when he did, because your brother had died in an accident 2 months beforehand. You felt like you were teetering the edge, but you told him to go anyway. He loved his job. And even though he would say that he loved you more, you didn’t really want to bother him with your grief anymore. But you had found a coping mechanism. A bad one. 
‘Okay, if I had porridge for breakfast, I could have salad for lunch?’
You looked down at Tessa, meeting her eyes from on the floor.
‘Lunch or no lunch, Tess?’
She just butted her head against your leg.
‘Okay then, no lunch it is.’
You made your way to the couch you shared with your husband, and you rolled your ankle on the way there. Your eyes slammed shut as you felt your side collide with the cold tiles. 
‘Fuck. That hurt.’
You looked down to see your ankle already turning purple and swelling. You quickly got up and grabbed a frozen pack of peas before limping over to the sofa. You put on Fear Street, trying to ignore the hunger in your stomach. You knew that even if you had a quick snack, you wouldn't be able to handle the guilt afterwards. 
Your mother had come round a week ago, and as soon as she saw how thin and sunken in you looked, she suggested you get mental help.
‘Darling, you look awful.’
You chuckled.
‘Gee, thanks Mum. I really appreciate the vote of confidence.’
‘No, I only mean that you should see someone about your brother. I I know you two were close, hell, you grew up together. I know this is hard. I know. But you’re letting yourself go and I can’t lose another child.’
You looked into your mothers eyes, and a wave of guilt rushed over you. Tom had been away for months and you had been alone. Had you really gotten this bad?
‘I don’t think I’ve let myself go. I’m okay, Mum. Really. I’m fine.’
Your mother let out a sarcastic laugh.
‘Fine? I’m standing in front of the shell of the girl I raised. I know fine when I see it, and you my dear, are not fine.’
You wanted her to leave. Before you had no legs to stand on and you couldn't defend yourself anymore.
‘I’m fine Mum. Let it go.’
You turned around to face the counter, putting your hands on the marble, closing your eyes, waiting for the blow.
‘Your brother wouldn't want you to live like this.’
You whirled around, and pointed your hand towards the door.
‘That's it. Get out. Get out of my house!’
Your mother quickly shuffled towards the door, leaving with a goodbye and promises to call you later.
But you were better today. Because today Tom was supposed to come home.
But when he slowly unlocked the door, you had fallen asleep. He took in the sight of his wife curled up on the sofa, and softly smiled. Until he noticed there was less of you than when he had left. All those facetime calls had not shown him how slim you had really gotten. And it caught him off guard. 
He slowly came towards your sleeping figure on the sofa, careful not to make any of the floorboards squeak. He gently put his hand on your shoulder, rubbing his thumb against your crimson jumper.
Your eyelids fluttered open, to be met face to face with your favourite person in the world. You leap off the sofa, flinging your arms around your husband, a tear laugh slipping out from between your lips.
‘You’re back!’
Tom laughed, and stroked your cheeks, wiping the tears that were threatening to fall.
‘I am. I missed you, baby.’
You tucked your head into his shoulder, inhaling the scent of Tom.
‘You’re real. You’re real.’
Tom's smile dropped. Real? Had he been away for that long? He dragged his right hand up and down your back, while his left ran his fingers through your hair. 
‘Of course I’m real honey. Now, what happened? Why does it look like there are less of you than before I left?’
That seemed to send off warning bells in your head. You quickly curled into yourself, taking a step back and wrapping your arms around your figure.
‘Nothing happened, I just…I don’t always have time to cook.’
Tom sensed that you were lying, but he didn't want to push you. He grabbed your hand and kissed the back. 
‘Why don’t I make you a nice meal then?’
He guided you away from the black leather sofa, taking in the pack of thawing peas in the corner, making a mental note to ask about them later. 
‘Pasta? Soup? What are we feeling?’
Tom let go of your hand, nodding his head towards a chair in the corner of the room, encouraging you to go sit down.
You were racking your brain for excuses. You’ve already eaten today? He wouldn’t fall for that, he’s not dumb. 
‘I can do soup.’
Tom started making the base of your favourite soup, Italian wedding soup. You somehow managed to escape, making your way up the stairs of your house. Tessa followed you, sensing that you were on edge. Tom also noticed it, but kept his mouth shut. He didn't really want to deal with confrontation on his first day back. So he let his wife go.
‘Darling! Dinners ready!’
You woke up for the third time today. It wasn't unusual for you to take naps throughout the day, but now all you wanted to do was sleep. You made eye contact with Tessa who was lying on the floor, staring up at you. 
‘I don't want to be awake.’ You whispered into the darkness.
You slowly, step by step, made it down the stairs. Tom was smiling, waiting for you at the bottom.
‘I made your favourite. Italian wedding soup!’
You gave him a tight smile and wrapped your arms around his frame. You loved this man so much. 
‘Thank you so much, Tommy.’ You whispered in his ear.
You knew that the struggle wasn’t over, but you were glad to have Tom by your side.
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izziejomarbles · 2 years
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only love can hurt like this
i wrote this on my ao3, but i thought i'd put it on here too. there will be more, but i don't know when i'll write it. i most people follow me for marvel content, so i will be back with that very soon. hope you enjoy!
tws: grief, death, flashbacks, abuse, mental instability (can relate)
are we too young for this?
July 23rd, 1978
Cindy was dead. Gone. Never coming back dead. And Ziggy wished she could forget. She kept drifting in and out of sleep, being taken in and out of surgery. But that was a constant. 
Cindy was dead.
She kept being pumped full of different medications, but her body still hurt. Whether it was emotional pain or physical pain, she doesn’t know. What she did know is that she was still alive. Cindy had got her wish. ‘Just let my sister live’, she thinks she said. But at this moment in time, all she wished for was to be dead.
But she wasn’t. 
And it was all Nick Goode’s fault.
Ziggy wanted to turn around in her hospital bed, but she couldn’t gather the energy to move. It was frustrating her so much that the monitor beside her started beeping loudly. How she wishes it would just shut up.
Soon sleep was enveloping her, even though she didn’t consent to what felt like a never ending world of nightmares.
All she saw was Cindy.
Cindy’s hand.
Cindy’s face.
Covered in blood.
Cindy’s body.
An axe in her chest.
Cindy’s blood.
Her blood.
Everywhere.
She knew everyone thought she was insane. She’d heard the nurses talking about it earlier.
Poor girl, they’d said, she’ll probably be traumatised for the rest of her life.
So she likes being alone, so she isn’t reminded that she's a trainwreck at every hour of the day. That she probably looks like she’s been chopped up like a fish.
But today she woke up, and she wasn’t alone.
Nick Goode had his hand on her thigh. 
Eyes searching her face.
Searching for any sign of the girl he once knew.
But she was gone.
‘Ziggy?’ He looks expectant. Even with his hollow looking face, she notices he still looks as handsome as he did that day.
And she hates herself for it.
‘Ziggy. It’s Nick.’ Yes. She knows who it is. But all she can think about was his straight face as he told the police officer that everything had been Tommy’s fault. How quickly he had dismissed and betrayed her.
She knew he saved her life twice. She remembers every time her eyes swept across the thick bandage on his calf.
But she couldn’t feel even an ounce of gratitude. 
In fact, she doesn’t feel anything but resentment towards Nick Goode.
Or at least that's what she's telling herself.
‘I know who you are. And I want you to leave.’
‘I just wanted to make sure you were okay.’
‘Leave me alone, Nick.’
He backed down surprisingly easily.
But then he was back again the next day.
‘Nick. I swear to god I’m this close to telling the nurses not to let you in.’
Ziggy didn’t want to see his disgustingly attractive face. 
She hates him.
She tells herself.
She hates him with every bone in her body. Even the broken ones.
He looks at her with pleading eyes.
‘Ziggy. I want to apologise. I know I hurt you.’
‘Hurt me?’
She laughs.
‘You betrayed me, Nick.’ Tears were welling up in her eyes. She didn’t want his stupid face infront of her anymore. She wanted her sister. She wants Cindy. She wants to cry. She wants to cry in her own bed. For the rest of her life, she wants to cry. For the sister she knew however hard she wished was never coming back.
He took her hand, even though she tried to fight him off, she doesn’t have much fight left in her.
‘Ziggy. I’m so sorry. I know it sounds insincere and awful, but I couldn’t have said anything else. My dad would have found out. And I can’t ruin that. But I won’t ruin this with you. Because I really like you, Ziggy.’
Ziggy just stares at him. And then she bursts out in tears. A week ago, this was everything she wanted to hear. But now she has bigger things to worry about than falling for Nick Goode.
‘You believe me?’
She hates how small and insecure she sounds. How he looks like he pities her. She doesn’t need pity. She doesn’t want pity.
‘Of course I believe you.’ His hand moves up to cup her cheek. ‘I know about the witch. About Tommy. Of course I believe you.’
‘But you lied. You lied.’
God, she sounds like a child. But she feels so scared, and she's so close to forgiving him. Holding on to the hurt seems easier. But she’s too tired to hold a grudge.
He tilts his forehead so it touches hers.
‘I know, and I will never stop apologising for making you feel that way. But trust me, my father is a force to be reckoned with. He would have made everything harder if I didn’t say exactly what I was supposed to say. But I promise, do you hear me, I promise you, I believe you.’
Ziggy smiled, for the first time in days. But it felt selfish as soon as she did it. How could she be smiling when Cindy’s body was in some morgue somewhere? 
So her face crumbles once again, but this time Nick takes her into his arms. He’s gentle, like he’s painfully aware of the cuts all over her body. But he holds her anyway, carefully rocking her back and forth, occasionally whispering an ‘I’m sorry’ into her hair.
But she didn’t want his apologies. 
She just wanted Cindy.
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Nick visited her as much as he could.
Ziggy knew that his Dad controlled him like a puppet, so she made sure he knew how thankful she was every time he snuck out to see her. He always said it was nothing, but she could see how much stress it was causing him.
So one day when he was reading to her, she decided to confront him about it.
‘Nick?’
She says quietly, catching his attention quickly.
‘Ziggy?’
She gives him a soft smile, in which he returns.
‘Why do you come out to see me? I know it's a hassle and I don’t want to be an inconvenience.’
He reaches out and grabs her hand.
‘Ziggy. You will never, ever be an inconvenience to me. I love spending time with you, and if I get to be a part of your healing journey, I will be forever thankful.’
Right. Healing. Ziggy didn’t like remembering what had happened. Even though she felt awful that she could even forget when she did remember. And anyway, she relived it enough in her nightmares every night. 
The axe in Nick's leg.
The axe in Cindy’s chest.
Alice falling to the floor.
Gary’s head rolling on the ground.
Blood.
So much blood.
Blood everywhere.
She saw the red liquid every time she closed her eyes.
She liked sleeping when Nick was around because he would look after her after a nightmare. They were so much worse when she woke up alone, screaming and sweating. 
He would stroke her hair and wipe away her tears. Sometimes that would make her cry more. Because that's what Cindy would do when they were kids and their parents were fighting. 
Her mom had been dealing with the loss of Cindy the way she always deals with things. Alcohol. She would occasionally visit Ziggy in the hospital, tripping over her feet and slurring her words. The visits nearly always ended up with her mom in tears. She liked to talk about Cindy.
How soft her hair was.
How pretty her eyes were.
How nice she was to everyone.
How she’d lost her only daughter.
She had only said it once, and Ziggy was sure it was a slip up. Her mom wasn’t even aware that she had said it. She just kept talking, clinging onto Ziggy's fingers.
Ziggy had always known that Cindy was her favourite. She was everyone’s favourite. Maybe that's why they didn’t get on in their later years. Because Cindy was perfect, and Ziggy was not. 
Ziggy thought about that a lot. And it always ended with her crying, because Cindy deserved to live so much more than she did. She had a future going for her. She was going to be the kid who got out of Shadyside.
She brought this up to Nick once, and he vehemently shook his head.
‘Zig, you deserve to be alive. And I know, I know sometimes you don’t want to be. And I totally understand that. But you deserve a life just as much as the rest of us.’
Ziggy looked at him with red-rimmed tear-filled eyes.
‘Cindy deserved a life too.’
He nodded before hugging her again.
‘Yes. Yes, she did.’
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August 14th, 1978
Ziggy was being released from the hospital, even though she wasn’t completely sure she was ready to go home. Knowing Cindy would never be there with her again.
But Nick’s fingers were intertwined with hers, and that made her feel calmer. He’d managed to slip away from his duties as future police captain and help her get back home.
Her mom said she was just going to drop her off, and then she’d come back when she was done doing ‘her business’.
‘I’ll leave you with your pain medication, I’m sure you’ll be fine.’
Nick eyed her curiously, but Ziggy knew she probably didn’t want to go into the house. And that ‘her business’ was going to the nearest bar and drinking away her sorrows. 
Nick doesn’t have enough time to help her get settled in, but he helps her get into her car. He says he’ll visit her tomorrow. 
Her mom drops her off at the door, says she’ll be back later, then takes off down the road.
Ziggy’s fingers linger on the doorknob, scared to go inside. She wishes Nick was here. Actually, she wishes Cindy was here.
She finally makes her way inside, and tries to speed her way past Cindy’s bedroom. She was so scared to go in. But her body can’t move fast enough before she gets a whiff of Cindy’s citrus perfume and she breaks down into sobs. Her knees hit the hard wooden floor as she closes her eyes and wails. 
Her arms hugged her body, fingernails digging into her upper arms, and she realises she’s alone. Nick is really the only person she has left. And who knows how long he’ll stick around. Because nobody wants to look after the traumatised mess of a teenager. 
She crawls on her hands and knees into Cindy’s room, and slowly lifts herself up onto the bed. She notices a nicely folded up shirt on her pillow. Cindy must have forgotten it before leaving for camp. It wasn’t anything compared to her polo shirt, but it was the last thing their Dad had gotten for her before he left for Vegas.
Ziggy clutched the shirt to her chest, inhaling the scent of Cindy into her body. 
She remembered when Cindy had first gotten the perfume, three years ago. She had teased her for smelling like lemons and oranges, but Cindy just smiled and said that people remember scents. That she wanted to make a good impression on people and be memorable. Ziggy had just laughed.
Now all she wanted to do was ingrain that scent into everything she owned.
Ziggy lay on her back, looking around the room. Everything in it screamed Cindy. The little fairy necklace box on her table in the corner of the room. The neatly stacked books next to her school bag. Her blue prom dress is still hung on her wardrobe door handle.
The room feels like a tomb.
Ziggy still kind of expects Cindy to come in any second, and yell at her for being on her newly made bed. 
But Cindy is never going to.
Because Cindy is dead. 
Ziggy lays her head on the shirt, pressing her cheek into the soft fabric. She throws a blanket over herself, before curling up into a ball.
The nightmares come that night.
And they are just as awful as she expected them to be.
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hate to be lame
August 19th, 1978
Cindy’s funeral, Ziggy thinks, might be one of the worst days of her life.
The church was full of people, people that knew her, people that didn’t.
Not this many people would have gone to her funeral, she thinks.
But that's because Cindy deserves it. She was good.
And Ziggy wasn’t.
Her mom looks at her as she stands up to say her eulogy. 
And Ziggy knows.
She knows her mom would rather it was Cindy sitting in this chair.
And it would hurt if Ziggy didn’t feel the same exact way.
She managed to block out her mother speaking. Occasionally hearing a ‘good girl’ or a ‘sweetheart’. But she didn’t want to hear her mom improvise her way through her sister's funeral speech. She was drunk. Ziggy could smell the sharp scent whenever she spoke.
It was vodka she thinks.
Her mom only drank vodka after one of her many drunken screaming matches with her dad. 
Otherwise, she usually drank beer.
But today isn't a usual day. 
It's her favourite daughter's funeral.
Ziggy had read somewhere that a parent should never have to bury their child. That’s the most cruel thing God could do to someone. Ziggy disagreed. If God really was real, the most cruel thing he could have done was take Cindy out of this world. Brutally. And he did. 
But Ziggy still cuts her mother some slack.
Nick is in the row behind her. She thinks that would make her feel better, but she honestly feels like she's about to fall apart. She wants to melt into the floor beneath her. 
Ziggy can feel his eyes on her back. But she wants his hand in hers. It's selfish, but she feels it anyway.
Her mother walks back to her seat next to her, encouraging her to go up and ‘talk about your sister’. Ziggy had actually written something this morning, but she didn’t know if she had the courage to actually open her mouth and say it. 
She stands up and slowly walks to the altar. 
She notices how much she hates the cold, harsh air around her. Everyone looks so solemn. She probably does too.
‘Cindy…’
She starts, but she can’t keep going. The paper in her hands starts to crumple as her fingers begin to shake. She's sweating, and her legs are wobbling. She tries to straighten her back but all she wants to do is run. 
Her throat feels scratchy and she's finding it hard to breathe. Her breath keeps catching in her throat as she looks out into the sea of people before her. 
Her eyes meet Nick’s, and he immediately knows.
He leaps up out of his seat, making his way towards her shaking frame.
He takes her hand and leads her off the podium.
Ziggy stops him, and he turns around, eyes questioning. 
His thumb runs across her knuckles.
‘What do you want to do, Ziggy?’ He whispers. ‘I’ll follow your lead.’
Ziggy stands up tall, with tears running down her face, grasping onto Nick's hand and says.
‘I loved Cindy very much.’
Then she takes off out of the church.
Nick stays there, and from outside the building she can hear that he is expanding on her very short speech. She leans against the rough bricks, surely ruining her dress. Her hands press into her knees as she breathes heavily.
Soon enough, a hand softly lands on her shoulder, lightly, as if not to scare her.
‘Ziggy? Are you alright?’
She shakes her head. What a silly question. Is she alright? She's far from alright. Probably the furthest she could be.
Nick’s hands run slowly across Ziggy's shoulders, firmly grasping at her thin bones. 
‘If you need to fall apart, you can. I’ll catch you, I promise. I’ll help put you back together.’
So she fell apart. 
And he caught her.
She sobbed heavily into the crook of his neck, her arms tightly wound around his body. They sat on the grass outside the church, Nick rocking her back and forth, quietly humming into her hair.
This wasn’t the first, nor the last time that she cried in Nick Goode’s arms.
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At Cindy’s wake, Ziggy just sat in a chair in the corner of the room, while Nick did most of the talking.
He stood next to her, rubbing her back occasionally. People came, and people went. Ziggy felt like it was a blur. 
Eventually everyone left. It was just her and Nick. She was putting away glasses and mugs before her eyes zoned in on a particular one. Tommy had gotten her this beautiful mug for valentine's day that year, and even though Ziggy gagged when Tommy timidly handed it over, Cindy was ecstatic. She knew Tommy and his mom didn’t own a lot of money, so for him to get her anything was a surprise. She squealed and hugged him, saying it was the prettiest mug she’d ever seen and she would use it everyday.
No one was allowed to use that mug except Cindy. She hadn't let anyone else take it out of the cupboard except her. What was she going to do with the mug now? She couldn’t use it, and she sure as hell wouldn’t throw it away. 
Ziggy placed the mug in the sink to be washed and then rushed to the bathroom.
Nick quickly followed her, standing outside the door until he heard retching on the other side. 
He gathered her hair into a ponytail and began rubbing her back. Cindy did this once. Ziggy had gone out with a couple of friends and had managed to be peer pressured into drinking. That was the day Ziggy decided she needed to learn to hold her alcohol. But she had come home and immediately was sick, and Cindy sat with her and held her hair up. Ziggy had cried and apologised, but all Cindy said was that we all go through it, and it was her big sister's duties anyway. 
Nick was being so nice to her, and he was so patient and respectful that it made her want to cry more. He helped her up the stairs and offered to stay a while.
‘I’m sure my parents will understand if I’m home late.’ He assured, stroking her flaming red hair that was spread out across her pillow.
Ziggy looked into his eyes. 
‘Come and cuddle me?’
He laughed quietly.
‘Of course, Zig.’
He sat there, arms around her body, reading ‘Are you there God? It’s me, Margaret.’ Before she looked up at his shining eyes and whispered.
‘Will you stay with me until I fall asleep?’
He smiled softly at her, for a second forgetting why he was even in her bed.
‘Always.’
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Time passed slowly and soon the only constant in her life was Nick.
She hadn’t seen her mom in weeks and honestly, she didn’t care. She just hoped she hadn’t died of alcohol poisoning somewhere. 
Until it gets to October, and Nick starts disappearing throughout the day, leaving her breakfast and lunch but coming back to make her dinner. He would try and talk to her over the table, telling her about his day. But she never really took any of it in. She never contributed to the conversation. But he didn’t seem to mind.
One night, she decided to actually open her mouth. 
‘Nick, where do you go?’
‘What?’
‘When you leave for the day? Where do you go?’
‘I mostly go to school, Zig. And sometimes I hang out with some people afterwards so my Dad doesn’t get too suspicious.’
Oh. Right. Ziggy had completely forgotten about school. Grief consumed her life and she really had time for nothing else. Her mom wasn’t here to make her go, so she never really thought about it.
 Ziggy’s cheeks flushed pink, before looking down at the green beans on her plate, helplessly pushing them around with her fork.
‘Oh. Okay.’
‘I’m not leaving you because I want to, Ziggy.’
I’ll never let anything pull us apart again.
Ziggy suddenly wasn’t hungry anymore.
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18th October, 1978
Nick tells her that he’s going to get her back into school.
‘I know you’re not quite ready to see people yet, so we might start with homeschooling, okay? Maybe on the weekends, we can start doing some stuff, okay?’
Ziggy nods, not fully in it. She hurts. She doesn’t think it will ever stop hurting. 
Nick was serious. Instead of reading her Judy Blume on the weekends, he would bring maths books, sometimes even geography and history. He would test her until she told him she couldn’t anymore and she needed to sleep.
‘What’s 4x7?’
Ziggy shot him a look. Nick's lips curled.
‘I know what 4x7 is, Nick. I’m not stupid.’
‘I know you’re not stupid. You are smart. But I don’t know what you remember and what you don’t. So answer the question.’
‘28.’
Nick smiled and cheered. Ziggy noticed how much she loved his smile. How she could live with just him smiling at her for the rest of her life. 
She wanted to kiss the smile right off his face.
But not today.
She can’t.  
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Nick is good at helping her through the nightmares.
He rubs her back, and rocks her like a baby. He’ll talk to her, about anything and everything, when she’s so scared her teeth chatter.
He knows when to turn the light on because she thinks the shadows are the killers coming to have another go at her.
He knows exactly what to say when she’s so clammy that she doesn’t want him to touch her. 
Sometimes she wants to kiss him. 
Sometimes she wants him to kiss her.
But he wouldn’t. He’s too respectful. As he said at the funeral, I’ll follow your lead. 
But Ziggy doesn’t want to lead.
She’s tired.
So tired.
Cindy used to lead her. She was a good leader. Nick was too. That's why they were good counsellors. Ziggy was the one to make dumb decisions, and pay for them later. She wasn’t the type to lead others into her ring of fire.
‘Nick?’ She whispers, her face in his neck, still reeling from a particularly bad nightmare.
‘Yes, Ziggy?’
‘Do you get nightmares too?’
He begins running his fingers through her hair, that wasn't too tangled as she brushed the red locks yesterday. 
‘Sometimes. Not as much as you, though.’
‘Tell me about them?’
He looks down at her, his other hand softly twirling a strand of her hair around a finger.
‘They are mostly about me not being about to save you. Trying to resuscitate you and you not coming back. I’m usually okay if I’m over at this house, because I can easily check if you’re okay. But it’s worse when I’m at the mansion. Because there I’m alone. Because then I think that maybe the nightmare was real.’
Her breath catches in her throat. He cares about losing her? As dumb as it sounds, sometimes Ziggy just think that Nick Goode took pity on her. That he’ll leave as soon as it looks like she’s getting better. But she desperately wants him to stay. As selfish as it is, she never wants him to leave her side. She wants to keep this. Whatever this is. But he deserves better, and she’s not ready. So instead-
 Ziggy snuffles closer into his neck.
‘Even though I don’t really believe it, I’m sure someday I’ll be glad you saved me. So thank you. And tell me when you have a nightmare, I want to help you the way you help me. I need to pay you back somehow.’
Nick laughs, and she can feel the vibrations in his chest.
‘You don’t need to repay me. Just moments like this is enough.’
Ziggy wants to fight him on it, but sleep was slowly taking her away again, so all she whispers is-
‘Okay.’
Nick stays. So do the nightmares.
But he stays with her.
He promises.
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it’s always on the tip of my tongue
14th October, 1978
Ziggy had been at school for a little over a week, and it was getting easier.
The first day she had run out of the class and Nick had found her curled in a ball in Cindy’s closet when he came to check on her at lunch. But she was doing better. That’s what the school counsellor told her to say. 
Fake it till you make it, she’d said.
But Ziggy didn’t really feel like she wanted to make it.
Nick was trying his best. It had been really hard, trying to keep up with his classes, pleasing his Dad, extracurriculars and looking after Ziggy. Obviously Ziggy was a priority, but Nick knew that if his father found out how much time he spent looking after her, he wouldn’t be allowed to leave the house. 
But he loved her.
He hadn’t said it.
He knew she wasn’t ready.
But he knew.
He loved stroking her hair.
He loved holding her to his chest after she’d had a nightmare.
He loved making her smile.
He loved everything about her.
Even if she was damaged beyond comparison. 
But his Dad wouldn’t approve. At least not at the moment. As soon as he was in the police academy, he would be allowed to date whoever he wanted.
He didn’t really want to be sheriff.
He’d never admitted that out loud. 
Even to Ziggy.
He really liked writing songs. He knew it was an unrealistic dream. When he was five years old he showed his mother a verse that he’d written by himself. She made him put it away before his father had seen it. 
She’d said, ‘Nicky, you are going to be the police chief. It’s been decided already. But writing songs is a cute hobby when you have time. Just make sure your father doesn’t see them, okay honey?’ Then she ruffled his hair and he ran off to play with Will.
He didn’t realise how big that moment was when it happened, but nowadays he thought about it a lot. 
How he could envision a future with Ziggy.
How she would own a bookshop and he would sing songs.
They would own a dog. Possibly even a cat as well.
Maybe, if she wanted, they might even have a couple of kids.
But then he would shake his head of those unrealistic dreams. That's all they were, dreams. So for now he’d take care of Ziggy the best he could. And maybe one day he’d be able to do it properly.
Right now though, he needed to decide what he was going to do about his school ball. Sunnyvale High held a ball every year for all it’s graduating seniors. He couldn’t take Ziggy, she wasn’t ready for that. But he couldn’t take anybody else. He wouldn’t want to go without anybody else. Maybe he should have a talk with his mom about what to do. Or Ziggy. When she’s asleep of course. He didn’t like to talk about his problems, because they seemed too tiny and inconvenient compared to hers. So he told her when she was asleep.
What Nick didn’t know was that Ziggy heard everything. Every single thing. 
He told her his worries about becoming someone he wasn’t.
How sometimes he was scared of the inhumane urge to kill his dad.
How he wished he could do so much more to help her.
But one night, Nick said something that made Ziggy breath catch in her throat.
‘My father hit me yesterday.’ 
Ziggy turns dead still. Nick’s fingers are still brushing up and down her arm, but she forms goosebumps on the surface.
‘It was my fault really. I had told my mother that I would patrol with him the night before, and I forgot and went out to buy your birthday present instead. He got so mad, and I don’t really know why. I don’t think it was that serious. But it was to him. He used his belt and hit my back. It was only a couple of hits, and it’s nothing that hasn’t happened before, but I just don’t think I deserved it yesterday. I’m trying so hard to be good, Ziggy. I just want to be enough for everyone.’
Ziggy didn’t know what to do. How did she not notice the way he slightly winced when he joined her in bed? How did she not notice that his shirt lightly stuck to his back?
How did she not know?
But most of all, she was mad. She was so mad at Joseph Goode that she was shaking. 
How dare he lay a hand on Nick?
Her Nick?
She sat up, back straight, and looked directly into Nick's startled eyes.
‘Ziggy? I didn’t know you were awake, I-’
‘He hurt you?’
Nick was surprised at how sympathetic she sounded. He had never really had anyone care about him the way he cared for other people. She was worried about him. She cared about him.
‘Ziggy, it’s fine, I’m okay really-’ He tried to say before Ziggy cut him off once again.
‘Let me see.’
Nick shook his head, reaching out to grab her shaking hands.
‘I’m okay, Zig. I promise you. I’m fine.’
Ziggy shuffled closer and gently grabbed the bottom of his t-shirt. 
She makes eye contact again, silently waiting for permission.
He sighs and nods, looking up at the ceiling as she carries on with what she’s doing.
Ziggy is trying to be as gentle as she can as she inspects Nick’s wounds. Inside, she’s fuming and upset, but she tries to keep herself composed on the outside. They looked red and inflamed as she lightly traces the marks with her fingertips. Ziggy blows air out of her mouth before looking back up at Nick.
‘I’m going to get my first aid kit, okay?’
Nick looks like he’s holding back tears. He just nods.
Ziggy tries not to tremble when searching through the draws of her house trying to find the first aid kit. She’s trying to go over all the stuff Cindy taught her about disinfecting wounds. She used to scrape her knees a lot when skateboarding, and Cindy wanted her to learn how to clean herself up properly. 
‘Ziggy, it’s important it doesn't get infected. I’m not going to be here all the time to clean up your messes and I need to know that you are going to be okay.’
She tries to hear Cindy in her ear as she collects the supplies.
‘Always wash your hands first. We don’t want to infect it with other bacteria.’
Ziggy scrubbed her hands till they were red and screaming at her. But all she felt was fear.
‘If it’s bleeding, apply pressure with a sterile piece of gauze.’ 
Nick’s wound didn’t seem to still be bleeding, but she gave it a gentle pat down, just in case.
‘Rinse the wound under water, it loosens up the skin.’
Ziggy got a clean piece of cloth and tried to give it a good rinse without hurting Nick.
‘Pat it down with a towel, don’t use cotton balls or anything that could get stuck in it.’
Ziggy covered the welts on his back with a dry towel, trying to use a patting motion with her fingers.
‘Always use a sterile dressing, like a bandage or something. If blood soaks through, add another one.’
Ziggy used the biggest bandage she could find. She carefully wrapped it around his body, avoiding eye contact the whole time.
She took a step back, admiring her work. She thinks Cindy would be proud. She meets Nick’s eyes to find him already staring at her, and suddenly he surges forward.
Before Ziggy comes to say anything, his lips are on hers, and she is startled.
He pulls back, apologising profusely.
‘Ziggy I’m so so sorry, I don’t know what came over me.’
All that's going through Nicks head is-
‘I fucked up. I fucked up. Goddamnit, I don’t want to ruin this with her, she’s the only good thing I have.’
But Ziggy’s hands are suddenly on his cheeks and her teeth are clinking against his. Nick is confused at first, still in a state of worry, but he catches up quickly, hands on her waist, pulling her impossibly closer.
But he pulls back again, but leaning forward so their foreheads touch. He’s breathing so heavily that she thinks he might have asthma and she didn’t know. 
But then he smiles.
And she smiles back.
And she stays with him, taking care of him the same he’s been doing for her.
She promises.
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Ziggy’s birthday comes and goes, she doesn’t really like to dwell on it. It’s on Halloween, which is ironic, all things considered. Nick gets her Carrie, and he says that he annotated the whole thing, so that it would be like she was reading it with him. 
She finishes it the next day.
She enjoyed Nick's thoughts on the sides of the pages, but she can’t appreciate the story like she used to. Maybe horror isn’t for her anymore, she thinks.
Nick’s wound’s slowly turn into scars, but he never really got over it.
He would have nightmares, sometimes so bad he would have to go outside to calm himself down. 
He could hear the belt hit his back again and again.
Slap.
Slap.
Slap.
Even though the gashes had healed, he still sometimes felt the burn of the leather on his back. Sometimes the feeling of the metal on his skin made him feel like he was on fire again.
But then Ziggy was there.
 She would kiss him and she had been smiling more.
She still had nightmares every night, but he was happy to help her. He would look after her as long as she would let him.
Everyday, he went home with a heavy feeling. He hated the mansion. He hated the people in it. He hated how they pretended. How his Mom and brother pretended not to have heard his dad beating him that night. How everyone smiled and acted like last summer hadn’t happened. Like there weren't people suffering tragedies 10 minutes away from them. 
He was allowed to stay over at Ziggy’s at the weekends, but on weekdays he had to be at home by 8.30. He was back 5 minutes late once and his father had made him sleep on the couch. It wasn’t the worst thing Joseph had done to him, but Nick wanted to keep the punishments to a minimum. 
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
17th December, 1978
It’s getting closer to Christmas, and Nick asks what she’s going to do. She pretends she doesn’t hear it because honestly she didn’t want to think about it. Her first Christmas without Cindy. Ever. 
Last Christmas Tommy and his mom came round and they decorated a tree and gave each other presents. This year Ziggy wants to pretend it's not happening. Her mom probably would agree with her, if her head wasn’t half way down the bottle.
Nick’s family does a fancy thing for Christmas every year, and Ziggy knows this. Which means she won’t even have him to support her. Even if he could sneak away, she couldn't risk him getting hurt again. Especially not for her. 
But Nick is persistent. 
‘I just want to know what my girlfriend is doing for Christmas. Maybe I could plan something for her and I to do.’
‘I’m your girlfriend now? Since when?’
Nick looked sheepish as he noticed his mistake.
‘I thought we silently established it?’
Ziggy shook her head, smiling lightly. Then she was wracked with a wave of guilt. Cindy and Tommy would have been doing this last year. Bantering about their relationship while Ziggy gagged and her mom just laughed. 
But they were both dead.
And Ziggy had the devitatsing luxury of survivor's guilt.
And if anyone said that it was Tommy’s fault, she thought they should also feel guilt. Because she knew Tommy. There was a reason Cindy called him sweet Tommy. He didn’t have a bad bone in his body. He always took care of her and Cindy, even when Ziggy probably didn’t deserve it. He would calm Cindy down when she got mad at her, and always said ‘just go easy on the kid’. And sometimes, when the overwhelming loss of her sister wasn’t consuming her thoughts, she even missed Tommy.
Nick noticed she had zoned out, and took her hand, interlacing their fingers. He gently tugged at them, leading her upstairs.
She lay down with him behind her, his breath caressing the back of her neck.
‘I didn’t mean to make you sad.’ He whispers against the curve of her ear.
Ziggy closes her eyes, too tired to talk about her feelings.
‘I know, just hold me?’
She can almost hear him smile in the dark behind her.
‘Of course.’
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
you’re my best friend i’ll love you forever
16th June, 1980
Ziggy’s last day of junior year was the happiest she’s been in a while. Nick had graduated the day before, and as much as Ziggy would have loved to be that cheering supportive girlfriend at the front of the crowd, she knew that she probably couldn’t have handled that many people screaming. It brought back too many memories. Memories that she would rather forget.
But Nick had come home with his certificate in his hands, and Ziggy had felt so proud. She jumped into his arms and spun her around. 
Ziggy was feeling happy.
But it also felt selfish.
Because how could she be properly happy without Cindy? 
How could she even sleep at night knowing that Sarah Fier was still out there?
So she decided to do something about it.
That weekend she went out to the library and collected as many books on witchcraft as she could carry. Nick came home from practice to find her on the living floor, surrounded by open pages. He didn’t question it though, if this was how she was coping, he wouldn’t get in her way.
Nick didn’t know how he had gotten this far. Maybe his coping mechanism was Ziggy. Or running. Nick had been going on daily runs everyday. He had told his father it was so he would have a better chance at a sports scholarship, but really it was the only thing that got the images out of his head.
Ziggy laying dead in the middle of the field.
Cindy’s chest open and organs all over the floor.
The blood on his hands.
His hands pumping life back into Ziggy's body.
His bloody hands.
But running tired him out. It made him so tired that he couldn’t think about anything else. Not even Ziggy could make him forget like running could. Make him forget the look of pride when he walked through the door on that awful day that had haunted him everyday since it happened, covered in blood and shaking like a leaf. How his mother had rushed forward and hugged him while his father smirked, and even looked surprised. 
‘You’ll make a fine police chief, Nicholas.’
Nick’s heart should have swelled with happiness. His father rarely gave him compliments, and this was a big one. But all he felt was pure fear. He could still hear his heartbeat in his ears, loud and booming. Joan was dead. Cindy was dead. Jeremy was dead. Tommy… Tommy wasn’t Tommy anymore.  
He had decided that he was going to ask Ziggy to the dance this year. Last year he knew it was too big of an ask for her, but this year it was his last one, and he was hopeful that she would say yes.
He didn’t want to do anything too extravagant and flashy, he didn’t want to scare her. But he did want it to be special. So he had planned for her to come back from the library, and for him to romantically ask her if she would be willing to go. But of course, like everything in their relationship, it didn’t go to plan.
He heard the front door open as he was putting the rose petals on her bed, only half the heart being done due to him only starting 5 minutes ago. He thought he had hours.
‘Nick?’ He hears from downstairs.
‘I’m up here, Zig! Just, just give me a second and I’ll come down.’
He could already hear her light footsteps ascending the stairs.
‘It’s fine, I can come…’
She stopped at the entrance of her bedroom, taking in the twinkling lights above her bed.
‘What…what is this?’
Nick shrugged his shoulders, wary of her delayed reaction.
‘I thought I had more time to prepare, but if this is how it's going to go, I can deal with that.’
Ziggy was in shock, she hadn’t expected anything like this to happen. Not to her. Maybe to Cindy, but not her.
‘Prepare what, Nick?’
‘Um, I guess this is happening now. Okay, okay. I can do this.’ Nick's hands were sweating, and he was feeling shaky. Had he drank enough today? This was just Ziggy. Just Ziggy.
‘So, we’ve been together for 2 years.’ Ziggy nodded, tears filling her eyes. ‘I would've asked last year, but I know you’ve been through a lot. We’ve both been through more than we should have ever had to. And I know you are trying your hardest to get better. But I love you just the way you are. It's hard, but I’m so grateful, to God, or whoever, that I still have you. But anyway, back to the point. Would you go to the prom with me?’
Nick knew that his speech wasn’t the most put together expression of his love, but he didn’t expect Ziggy to violently fold and burst into tears.
Ziggy felt like shit. 
Nick had just put his heart in her hands, but her hands were shaking and unsteady, and she felt like she was squeezing it. But it wasn’t supposed to be like this. She knew that she couldn’t compare her life to Cindys forever, but she just remembered the look of pure joy on Cindy’s face when Tommy had asked her to prom. She had cried tears of joy, and even hugged Ziggy. But these aren't tears of joy, no, these were heart wrenching grief tears. Whenever Ziggy thought that she cried all her Cindy tears, she always had more. 
But now Nick was standing in front of her with expectant, but concerned eyes, and she wanted to cry for him. How did she deserve him? At this moment, Ziggy realised that she loved him. That if he had asked her to marry him, she would have said yes with no hesitation. 
So she nodded at him.
‘Yes, you are okay, or yes you will go to the dance?’
She widely grinned at him.
‘Yes to the dance. Yes to you. Yes to everything you ever want.’
Nick's shoulders sagged in relief. He took two long strides towards her, and fully kissed her on the lips. She laughed into his mouth, winding her arms around his neck. She put her head on his shoulder, gently rocking them side to side. She noticed the half finished rose petal heart on her best before letting out a breathy laugh.
‘Is that a broken heart?’
Nick chuckled.
‘Is an unfinished heart, you didn’t exactly give me a lot of time.’
‘Oh, I’m sorry, Mr. Broken Heart. But seriously, I love you just the way you are too.’
‘Really?’
‘I promise.’
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
17th July, 1985
It was Nick’s 23rd birthday. He was finally done with the police academy, and had been really down for the last few months. Ziggy could tell that he was really struggling. So she wanted to go all out for his birthday.
Nick was finally realising that he had no control. Until his dad died, he wasn’t Nick Goode. He was Joseph Goode’s puppet, nothing more, nothing less. He would probably never get to be everything he wanted to be, because he knew that his father would keep a hand around his neck right up to the day he died. He was going to be police chief, he would probably be forced to marry Ziggy, even if they didn’t want to. So he casually slipped it into the conversion one day, as Ziggy was reading a book on Salem witches.
‘What's your opinion on marriage?’
She slowly lifts her head to make eye contact with him.
‘You plan on proposing anytime soon?’
‘I’m just thinking about it. Where do you stand?’
‘Do I want to get married? I guess I could. I don’t really need to, I mean we basically live in the same house, and we act like an old married couple already. But if it's something you would want to do, I wouldn’t object.’
‘So if I proposed, right here, right now, you would say yes?’
‘Are you planning on it? Because I’d like to look a bit more put together if you are.’
‘Not necessarily. I’m asking, how sure are you?’
‘I think I’d say yes.’
‘Good.’
His mother had already asked if he was planning anything, as his father came through the front door. He looked dishevelled, like he had been underground. He also vaguely smelled like blood. But he ignored it, turning back to his mother as he answered her question. 
‘I would like to ask her to marry me. I have asked for her mothers permission, and I was granted it.’
His mother clapped her hands with joy.
‘Oh, Nicky that's wonderful! Just wonderful!’ She looks over as his father before exclaiming. ‘It's that wonderful, Joseph? Our Nicky is going to get married.’
He nodded his head in Nick's direction, before sauntering back to his bedroom.
He wanted to propose on his birthday. Maybe they would get divorced, and he would never be able to celebrate his birthday again. But he didn’t mind. 
Although Nick did know that Ziggy had a bad track record of being surprised with happy things, but when he’d asked her about marriage, she hadn't freaked out, and she seemed okay with it, so he guessed that he just had to slowly slide her into it. No surprises, no big gestures. Just them. 
it feels weird to post this. i also apologise, this is very long and i'm proud if you got this far.
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izziejomarbles · 2 years
Text
called you again
coffeeshop tom x reader
this one is fluffy but still a bit sad. this is my easter present to you guys, i hope y’all are enjoying the holidays. i also hope you guys enjoy this.
warnings: mentions of death and grief. tom is a dick for a second. so much love it makes even me want to vomit.
It had been 4 months since your husband's funeral, and you saw him round every corner. The flower shop down the street, the dry cleaners, even your favourite coffee shop.
You decided you needed a fresh start. Everyone in your old town knew who he was and you were tired of the sympathy. You had just settled into your new apartment when you saw a leaflet for a coffee shop down the street. This was just what you needed.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
‘I’ll have a chai latte please.’ You smiled at the barista, hoping to make a good first impression.
‘Name?’ The barista doesn't even attempt to make eye contact with you as she gets out her pen for the cup.
‘Y/n.’ You smile awkwardly as she walks away, before hearing laughter next to you.
You turn to be met with a surprisingly handsome face, hair in perfect waves and pearly white teeth curled into a smile.
‘Did I do something?’ Your brows are furrowed as the mystery man shakes his head.
‘No, no. That's Lucy. She isn’t the most polite when it comes to customers. I’m Tom. And I’m guessing you’re new here?’
You grin, shaking his outstretched hand.
‘Was it that obvious? I’m Y/n.’ You notice he holds onto your hand a little too long, before you slip your fingers out from his palm.
Tom grabs his and your drink from the countertop, before walking over to a table.
‘What brings you here? People usually have a story before moving here.’
You didn’t really want to go round this new place broadcasting that your husband had wrapped his car around a pole, but you figured one person couldn’t hurt, and you didn’t want to lie to this nice man.
‘Um, my husband died. So I moved. That’s my story. What’s yours?’
You could see his eyes soften as he takes in your words. He opens his mouth to say something, before closing it and facing away from you.
‘My job brought me here. I’m a doctor.’
You smiled thoughtfully, taking your drink from his hands, wrapping your cold fingers around the cup.
‘He was a doctor too. My husband, I mean.’
‘He must have been a good man then.’
Your eyes welled up, happy to be talking about your late husband without pity.
‘The best.’
You take a sip of your drink.
‘Where do you live?’
He leads you to the window of the shop, pointing at your apartment complex down the street.
‘Just up the road.’
You look up at him.
‘No way! I live there too, number 27.’
His eyes light up, sparkling under the soft café lights.
‘I’m number 32! You’re probably right underneath me. Can I walk a pretty girl to her apartment?’
Widow. You think. Not a pretty girl. But he’s cute, and you need a friend anyway.
‘Okay.’
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
2 weeks later, you finally invite him into your home, and he nearly jumps for joy.
As he takes a few steps in, you ask if he would like a drink.
‘Black coffee would be great, thanks.’
You make you two drinks as Tom walks around your apartment. Looking at every picture, inspecting each one carefully.
‘Bit stalkerish, don’t you think?’
You notice him pick up a picture of you and your husband at your college graduation, and you drop your mug. That picture wasn’t even supposed to be out of its box.
Tom reacts quickly, putting down the frame, and rushing over to you.
‘You okay?’
You try to compose yourself quickly.
‘Yeah, yeah. Let me clean this up, don’t want you hurting yourself.’
Tom grabs your hand, grounding you.
‘Let me help, y/n/n. Hand me a towel.’
You help Tom pick up the broken china with the towel, scooping it into a bin.
You both sit on your kitchen floor, when Tom bursts out laughing. You are confused for a second, before joining him.
He stops, before looking into your eyes. His eyes flicker down to your lips. You don’t have time to freak out before his lips are on yours. You pull back quickly, and his face turns bright red.
‘What was that, Tom?’
‘I thought you liked me?’
You shuffle away from him, wanting to cover your ears like a child. You did like him. You just weren’t ready.
‘I think you should leave.’
He grabs your hand, and you don’t have the strength to pull back.
‘Why are you pretending you don’t feel this between us? I will respect any decision you make, but why are you acting like you don’t want this when you obviously do?’
You need him to shut up.
‘Stop it! I’m married!’
Your words surprise both of you. You get up, staggering, tears blurring your vision.
‘Please get out of my house, Tom.’ You whisper into the air.
Flashbacks of your last kiss with your husband are playing like a carousel in your mind. You realised you hadn’t been kissed since.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
It took a week for Tom to come knocking at your door. He had been plucking up the courage, figuring out what to say, how to apologise. He had finally come up with something.
But when you opened the door and saw Tom, you burst into tears. Tom tried to start apologising, but you had already wrapped your arms around his coat.
‘He gave me his shoes.’
Tom hugged you back but couldn’t figure out what you had said through your tears.
‘What, honey?’
You grabbed fistfuls of his shirt in your palms, finally letting everything out.
‘He gave me his shoes. On that day, I couldn’t…I couldn’t find any shoes to wear to work, so he, he gave me his shoes and told me to wear them. He kissed me and then he walked out the door. He gave me his shoes.’
Tom stroked your back, shhing you, mumbling oh honeys and oh sweethearts into your hair.
‘He gave me his shoes. He gave me his shoes. He gave me his shoes.’
He carried you back into your apartment, and tucked you into his bed, before brushing hair out of your face.
‘I’ll wait, Y/n. I’ll wait till you’re ready to be with me. Because I’m up for whenever. But till you are, I’ll be a friend.’
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It had been 7 months since your incident at your doorstep, and you were finally ready to be with Tom. He had been patient, waited just like he said he would.
You wanted to prepare a nice meal, or take him out to dinner, but you just had to tell him now. You had made your way to his doorstep, and he opened the door, hair messy, and he was just in his pyjama bottoms.
‘Y/n? Wait, did I forget a movie night? Crap, I-’
You surged forward, crashing your lips against his. He is confused for a second, before he leans into the kiss. You pull back after a while, cupping his cheeks with your palms.
‘I’m ready, Tom. I’m ready to be with you.’
He grins at you, before going in for another kiss.
‘Fucking finally.’
listen to lizzy mcalpine’s new album. right now. do it.
love you all! requests and comments mean the world x
61 notes · View notes
izziejomarbles · 2 years
Text
For Real This Time Part 2
per request, here is part two for you all who love hurting. i really enjoyed writing this one, and thank you for all the wonderful feedback.
thank you @lyraficrecs for support and lovely comments.
tws: grief, angst, potential suicidal thoughts?
‘My husband was hit by a semi truck. He…he was brain dead when we got to the hospital.’
Everyone around you nodded. Encouraging you to continue. Everyone once and a while, someone would move, and a chair would squeak. This was your first week at grief group, and you hated it. You had moved back to California for the month, spending time with your parents even though you knew you should be spending it with Tom’s.
‘And I’ve been selfish. Everyone gives you a certain amount of time, to grieve, you know? But I can’t see this stopping. I can't see the light at the end of the tunnel.’
The counsellor nodded, before handing you a slip of paper.
‘I can see why you would feel that way. If you need help with suicidal thoughts, call this number.’
You looked down at the small slip, and you recognised the number. It was on the sheet the hospital gave you when you left after that day. You threw it in the bin on your way out.
‘Harrison, I promise I’ll be back next month. Yeah, yeah. I miss you too. Send my love to the family. I love you too, Haz.’
You hung up the phone, and put your head into your hands.
‘Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.’
You kicked the low stone wall in front of you, feeling tears well up in your eyes. You looked up at the sky, trying to blink away the tears, standing in front of your parents house, wondering what Tom would think of you now. Running away from everything and everyone.
‘Fuck!’ You cried out.
You quickly heard steps towards the front door, and it opened for you to see your mothers concerned complexion.
‘Sweetheart? Is everything okay out here?’
You quickly nodded, taking a step inside the house.
‘I’m fine. I just tripped on the way to the door.’
‘Oh. Well, if you need anything, I’m here. Everyone is here for you.’
Your mother had been shoving positive quotes down your throat since the day you arrived. ‘Everything happens for a reason’ and all that.
‘I know, mum. I know. So, Harrison called today.’
Your mothers eyes lit up with the prospect of you talking to a friend.
‘Oh, Harrison. I like that boy. Very polite. Very handsome.’
You rolled your eyes.
‘Yes, that's Harrison. I just thought I could visit them? The Hollands? Just for like a week, but I just want to check it face to face.’
You could see the gears turning in your mothers head, like she was memorising plane tickets.
‘Yes! Yes, go. Have a little holiday with your friends. God knows you deserve it.’
You nodded, before pulling her into a hug.
‘I’ll go next week.’
She squeezed you with her thin, frail arms.
‘I’ll get your suitcase.’
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
You spotted your favourite twins from across the airport, and nearly dropped your bags in excitement. Spending time with your parents had been wonderful, but you had really missed your second family, whom you were used to spending every second with.
‘Harry! Sam!’
You wrap your arms around your brothers, and you almost burst into tears at the revelation that they weren’t technically your brothers anymore. They were Tom’s brothers, and yours by marriage. And you and Tom weren’t married anymore.
Sam pulled back and cupped your cheeks.
‘You look tired, y/n/n.’
You gave him a tight smile.
‘Long flight and all that. Let's go! I can’t wait to see everyone.’
Harry had tears streaming down his face as he linked his arm with yours, but you pretended not to notice. You felt awful. You’d run away from the people who you were supposed to hold up. After his funeral, you were supposed to grieve together and you just left them.
‘Where's Nikki? I miss her. I miss all of you. I’m sorry for not calling more.’
Sam gently put an arm over your shoulders.
‘We forgive you.’
God, you missed these people.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Nikki had thrown a party. A party for you. Dancing, food, the whole lot. You couldn’t feel more guilt than you did when she opened her arms and hugged you. Now you sit in front of their fireplace, a hot chocolate in your hands, before you feel Sam put a blanket over your shoulders, before sitting beside you.
‘We all really missed you.’
‘Yeah. I know. I just… being here made it real. It made him being gone real. You always have nightmares and the fear hanging over your head, but…I wasn’t ready. I’m not ready. I’m not ready for it…it to be.’
Sam reached out and linked your fingers together.
‘I know. I know. I think Mum forgets. I think she likes to forget. She sometimes sets another plate at the table. She still says she has four kids. So I get it. We’re not ready either.’
A tear made its way down your cheek.
‘We didn’t have enough time, Sam. I’m too young to be a widow. We…we were building a life together. I just…it happened too fast. We were getting ready, and then…he just left. He was there and then he wasn’t. Like I blinked and he was gone.’
Sam shuffled towards you, and wrapped you in a hug.
‘Tom’s dead.’
He nodded against your shoulder.
‘Yeah. He is.’
‘I know there's never enough time. And at some point I’ve got to let go. But he was my husband. The love of my life. ‘
You pulled back and looked back at the flames shooting into the chimney.
‘That’s why I left. I know you’re family. But in my head, you were our family. Mine and Tom’s. That's why I couldn’t…I couldn’t be here. It felt like I was betraying him. Being here without him. I love you guys. I promise I do.’
‘We love you, Y/n. So much.’
You smiled at him, proud of the boy he’d become. You’d known the Holland boys since you were teenagers. You and Tom had gone to school together, before you moved to America for your dad’s job. But he followed you, pursuing his acting career. He always said he would follow you everywhere. You hoped that, even in death, he would still follow you for the rest of your life.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The next day, you decided to visit Tom’s gravestone. You hadn’t been to the cemetery since the funeral, and you didn’t really plan on returning. But the boys wanted you to visit.
The four of you sit in front of the block of stone, engraved with your late husband's name.
Son.
Brother.
Husband.
Beloved Role Model To All.
You held Harrison and Paddy’s hands, who were next to you. You squeezed them before whispering into the cold, crisp air.
‘I miss you. We miss you. But I’m okay. I promise.’
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izziejomarbles · 2 years
Note
i have an idea!!
for ‘goodbyes are always the hardest’
sing nwh dealt with the multiverse and stuff maybe we could get a part 3 where peter sees yn
i am very excited about this request! normally i don’t really like bringing people back from the dead but technically this isn't that so here we are. one thing i do want to touch on though, is that i got an incredibly rude message the other day. i love coming on here and writing things for you guys, and if you don’t like me that's fine. but sending abusive and threatening messages is not okay and i will not stand for it. i have unfortunately made the decision to turn off my anonymous requests.
this is written so badly and i sincerely apologise for that. anyways i hope you like this!
Peter turns to MJ, as they sit on her bed, finishing their science revision.
‘What do you know about the multiverse?’
MJ puts her hands in front of her eyes, shielding them from the harsh light of the sun, before turning her head to meet his eyes.
‘I don’t really know that much Peter. I’m a science student, not a wizard.’
Peter forces a smile.
‘That’s okay. I was just wondering.’
MJ’s face softens.
‘It’s Y/N, isn't it? You think that in another universe you two might end up together.’
Peter feels like he’s trying to swallow a lemon.
‘I don't need us to end up together, MJ. I just want to see her again. I just want to make her smile one last time.’
Peter moves himself off MJ’s bed, and reaches for his backpack. He feels his eyes welling up, and would rather not break down in his best friend's bedroom.
He makes it out of her apartment building before violently bending over and vomiting on the side of the street. He looks down at the ground, tears swimming in his chocolate brown eyes. Peter suddenly feels a hand on his shoulder, and his head whips up to come face to face with Tony Stark.
‘Fuck.’
Tony takes in the pale boy on the side of the street. Peter looks worn, about 4 years older than he did the last time he saw him. Y/n’s death had aged Peter Parker past the point of return. His face looked sunken in and he looked on the verge of tears. He looked so different from the boy Tony had first met in his Aunt's apartment.
‘Peter? What's going on?’
Peter took one look at Tony and burst into tears. His body wracked with grief, as Tony pulled the sobbing teenager into his arms.
‘Mr Stark I’m so sorry. I just miss her so much. So damn much.’
Tony smiled sadly. But he knew exactly what he needed to do.
‘Peter, I want you to meet a friend of mine.’
After Peter's body had stopped shaking, Tony led him off the road, and into his car.
Dr Strange stood in front of the broken boy, explaining how he could try and open a portal to another universe.
Peter squinted at Stephen.
‘What credentials do you have?’
Strange smiles at Tony.
‘Not any in multiverses, that's for sure.’
Peter chuckled, his eyes still burning from the tears that were previously running down his cheeks.
Tony steps forward, eying Stephen.
‘How are you going to do it? For how long?’
‘I can’t really explain how. It is not scientific like your works. Magic is mysterious Tony, nobody really knows exactly how it works. And I could give you half an hour at most.’
Peter almost started crying again. He was going to see his girl. His Y/n. He leaped out of his seat.
‘How soon can you do it?’
Tony smiled. He saw a light in Peter's eyes that he had not seen in months.
‘I can do it this afternoon?’
Peter almost jumped into the air.
‘Yes! Yes, I can do it this afternoon, thank you.’
Peter surged forward and wrapped his arms around Stephen. Tony stifled a laugh, turning around to look at something very interesting on the ceiling. Strange didn’t really know what to do, so he lightly tapped the boys back. Peter whispered into his ear, so quiet that Tony couldn’t hear it.
‘You’ll never understand how much this means to me. Thank you so much, Sir. Thank you so, so much.’
Stephen smiled, and as Peter let go of his tight grip, he looked Peter into the eyes.
‘I do understand, Peter, more than you know. That’s why I’ll do it today.’
Tony touched Peter's shoulder, jolting him into remembering where he was.
‘Better get dressed, kid. I’m not letting you see my daughter wearing and… smelling like that.’
After Peter had gotten a change of clothes, and a shower, they all met up in Tony’s office. Peter was jumping with excitement, and Tony was just glad to be given this opportunity.
‘I can't guarantee this will work, Tony.’
Tony sadly turned up the corners of his mouth.
‘I know, Strange. I’ll take that chance. And I think Peter will too.’
Peter nodded so violently that Tony thought his head would fall off.
Stephen started twirling his hands, and muttering something incohesive under his breath.
Suddenly a bright light appeared and Peter made eye contact with a girl, surrounded by a gold light. He stepped through the portal, careful to avoid catching fire from the sparks underneath his feet.
Y/n was smiling, and reached out her hands to touch him.
‘Where have you been, Pete? I missed you.’
She embraced him, and Peter’s body molded into hers. He inhaled her scent, and his eyes welled up again. God, he didn’t know how he was going to let her go.
‘Y/n/n, oh my god. I can’t believe you’re here.’
Y/n stepped back, cupping his cheeks, taking in his complexion.
‘Where else would I be, silly? Now, what's going on? You look so tired, bug.’
Peter almost burst into tears again at the nickname. He couldn’t believe he was talking to her again. Even before she died, she was just a shell of his girl, her addiction had taken her away. And when she got better, he wasn’t there. He didn’t want to be there. He was bitter, resentful. But after she passed away, all he felt was guilt. But apparently in this universe, she never became an alcoholic. She was her normal self. Sober.
‘I just missed you.’
He pulled her back for a hug, and she laughed. He whispered into her hair, breathing her in again.
‘I missed you so much.’
Y/n suddenly saw her Dad, beaming at her. She stroked Peters back, letting him go before going to hug Tony.
‘Hi, Dad. What are you doing here with Peter?’
Tony caressed his daughters hair, before realising the last time he did this she was dead on an autopsy table. And this would be the last time he would see his daughter alive again.
‘I just wanted to see you, Y/n.’
Y/n inspected her fathers face the same way she did Peters.
‘Why do you both look so tired? Was there a mission I missed out on last night? Peter, I told you to stop keeping me off missions. I’m fine. That Hydra incident was months ago. I’m okay, remember?’
Y/n spun around, showing them that she was alive and well. Tony envied himself in this universe, because here it was obvious that she was just badly injured on that mission, whilst in his, she had died.
All of a sudden, he felt a warm hand on his shoulder.
‘I’m sorry Tony, but I can’t keep you here much longer, it will mess up the continuum. I'll let you say your goodbyes.’
Tony turned around to look at Strange, the man who had given him so much. He nodded, and faced Peter. He was chatting to his daughter, and soon he would have to say goodbye forever.
‘Y/n/n, I love you but I’m going to have to take Peter away now.’
Peter’s eyes shot up to meet him.
‘No, that wasn't half an hour. There must be more time…’
‘I’m sorry, Kid. We gotta go.’
Y/n took Peters face into her hands.
‘It’s okay. Come to mine later, okay? We can watch a movie or something?’
Peter nodded, trying to keep his composure.
‘Yeah, or something.’
He surged forward, smashing his lips against hers. She tasted sweet, like a dessert. He didn't know how he was going to live without this. Knowing what he had lost.
Y/n chuckled, pushing her hands on his chest.
‘I’ll see you later, loverboy. I love you.’
Peter choked on the saliva in his mouth.
‘Yeah, I love you too.’
Tony then went in for a hug. He whispered to her I love yous in her ear, and she whispered them back.
Tony took Peter's hand and led him back through the portal. Y/n waved at them, grinning happily.
As it closed, Tony excused himself from the room, and Peter opened his lockscreen. He stared at the picture of her, tears rolling down his cheeks. But he would be forever grateful that he got to see the love of his life again.
please send me requests! i love them. also love comments. nice ones. and of course i love you all too.
izzie x
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izziejomarbles · 2 years
Text
For Real This Time
tw: character death, grief.
It was a Sunday. You had gotten the call that your husband, Tom, had been in a car crash. Your world felt like the world was moving in slow motion. You had called Harrison to pick you up because you didn’t trust yourself to drive.
He was the love of your life.
You had planned your life together.
Harrison kept turning his head and asking if you were okay, but you didn’t know.
Were you okay?
Of course not.
You and your husband had been trying for a kid.
And now he’d been hit by a semi truck.
You wanted to sleep. And wake up and realise this was all some bad dream. You would wake up and he would be lying next to you, peppering kisses all over your face.
But instead you were in a passenger seat rushing to a hospital.
You and Harrison hurried into the hospital, asking the receptionist if they knew anything. She shot you a sympathetic look before saying he was in surgery and they didn’t know anything.
So you slept.
You dreamt of the day you met Tom.
He was an upcoming actor and you were training to become a nurse. He had broken his nose and they had brought you onto set to see if it needed anything more than a splint and an ice pack. He had later said he fell for you instantly. You just laughed and exclaimed that he had also said he didn’t believe in love at first sight. He then proceeded to explain that it wasn’t at first sight, but first touch. As soon as you had cupped his cheeks to properly inspect the damage to his nose, he knew he had been a goner.
You then dreamt about the day you got married.
You were freaking out because the dress you wanted hadn't come in time, the caterer had pulled out last minute, and your mom wasn’t here. Because your dad hadn’t really been in your life, you had asked your mom when you first met Tom if she would walk you down the aisle.
‘Y/n? Is everything okay?’
‘Mommy, I think I just met the love of my life.’
‘What? Y/n, what are you talking about? Do you need me to come over, I can-’
‘No, I’m okay.’ You laughed. ‘I know it sounds crazy, but I honestly think I just met the person I’m going to spend the rest of my life with.’
‘Well, who is he?’ She exclaimed.
‘His name is Tom, and I met him on a movie set today. He broke his nose, and then asked me out on a date. We talked for an hour, Mommy. I think I’m already in love.’
‘Hold your horses, Y/n/n. I’m not ready to be a grandmother quite yet. When can I meet this man who’s stolen my favourite child’s heart?’
‘Maybe after the first date, I wouldn't want to scare him off.’ You say sarcastically. ‘What I really wanted to ask though, would you walk me down the aisle, if or when I get married?’
You heard your mother choke on the other line.
‘Of course, sweetheart. Oh, I love you so much.’
Your mother died three months after that phone call.
She had undiagnosed heart disease and died from a heart attack. It was the worst day of your life, but Tom had been there for you. He’d proposed four months after it happened, and even though you weren’t very keen on getting married without your mother present, you loved Tom more than anything, and you wanted to get married to him.
But on the day, you weren’t crying tears of joy. You were crying because everything was going wrong, and you just wanted your Mom.
Nikki had found you crying in the corner of a bathroom and went to get Tom.
‘Honey? Are you okay?’ He softly says, and he sounds so concerned that you could guess that his eyebrows are furrowed.
‘Tom, you can’t be here, it’s bad luck.’ You sniffled, trying to choke back your sobs.
‘Darling, I’m not leaving you alone crying on the bathroom floor. Now tell me what's wrong.’
‘Everything! I don’t have my dress, we don’t have food, this wasn’t even the venue we chose.’
‘Okay, you have a wonderful dress on, and it makes you look so hot. We have pizza and food that my Mum made. And you said you loved this venue, even if it wasn’t our first pick. Now tell me what's actually wrong.’
You burst out in tears. ‘I really miss my mom. She was supposed to be here with me.’
He gently took you into his arms, rocking you back and forth.
‘I know. I know.’ He whispered into your hair, as you sobbed into his shirt.
You look up at him, taking in the tear stain circles on his clean suit.
‘Oh, Tom, I’m so sorry, I ruined your suit.’
He smiled and shook his head.
‘You could never ruin anything. How about we just ditch the ceremony? We take some food, go home and just say our vows there. We’re already legally married, so the rest doesn’t really matter.’
‘Your mom is going to be mad.’
‘I don't care about that. I only care about you.’
You woke up to Harrison shaking your shoulder. You shot up in the plastic chair.
‘What? Is everything okay?’
Harrison gave you a tight smile.
‘The surgeon says he has some news.’
The doctors lead you both into a room. You knew this routine. You had been a nurse for a good few years, and you already knew what was coming.
‘Tom came in with a severe brain bleed. We tried to slow the swelling, but unfortunately we were not successful. He also had severe bleeding in his abdomen that we managed to fix, but we had to put him on a ventilator, despite our-’
You cut the man off.
‘He’s DNC, isn’t he?’
Harrison turned around, looking you in the eye.
‘What does that mean?’
‘He’s brain dead, Harrison. He’s not waking up.’
He whipped round, silently questioning the surgeon.
The doctor just nodded his head.
‘I’m very sorry for your loss. In Tom's medical forms it does not say whether he wanted to take extraordinary measures or not. It is now your decision as his wife.’
You looked down at the floor, taking in the flecks of pink on your trainers. You had put these on as you had left the house with Tom that morning, how did you get here?
‘I don’t think he would want to be a vegetable. I don’t want to take extraordinary measures to keep my husband alive. He’s already gone.’
The doctor's eyes softened.
‘We can start whenever you want to.’
Your mind was reeling. Was this really happening? Were you really about to become a widow?
‘I’d like to call his family first, if that’s okay.’
The man nodded, leaving you and Harrison alone in the room.
‘I can’t call them, Haz. I can’t…. I can’t tell them.’
Harrison stepped forward and pulled you into his arms.
‘I’ll call the boys, you call Nikki, is that okay?’
You step back, pulling your phone out of your back pocket with shaky hands.
Your finger hovered over Nikki's contact number before crouching down and putting your hands on your knees.
‘This can't be real. This can't be happening.’
You feel Haz pry the phone from out of your fingers, and you can hear him on the phone on the other side of the room.
Soon you feel Harrison kneel beside you, whispering something about everyone being on their way.
Nikki, Dom, Sam and Harry all arrived under an hour of Harrison calling them. Everyone was hugging you and apologising, but your voice felt so hoarse that you didn’t feel like you could open your mouth. It felt like you were in a desert and you were trying to preserve all the saliva in your mouth.
Nikki held your hand as you walked into Tom’s room. He had a tube in his mouth and he looked bruised. Sam let out a loud sob, before excusing himself from the room.
The doctor in the room explained how they were going to take him off the machines one by one, and his heart would slow down. They would wait until he flatlined, and then we could spend as much time as we needed to with him.
The nurse by the ventilator looked up at you before asking-
‘Are you ready?’
Tears filled your eyes before whispering back.
‘No.’
You sat down beside him, gently taking his hand, that was usually always warm, but was now numbingly cold to the touch.
You leaned forward, and noticed he still smelled like himself.
‘Tom. Tom.’ You whispered, somewhere, deep down hoping he would answer.
‘Come see me in my dreams every now and again, okay? Until I meet you again in our next life.’
You heard Nikki softly cry in the background.
‘Everyone is here. We all love you.’
You looked back up at the nurse, nodding your head at her.
She took the tube out of his mouth, and switched off a few of the machines behind his bed. She took all the wires off his body, and for a second he almost looked normal, like he was just sleeping. Like he would wake up any minute.
You looked up at his holter monitor to see his heartbeat slowly decreasing. You stroked his cheek, letting a tear slip down your face.
‘We have all the time in the world. Don’t worry about anything. I’m right here. I love you.’
You heard the low beeping sound behind you and you lay your head down onto the hospital bed.
‘I love you.’
heyyyyy. this is very sad and for that i’m very sorry. ha, i’m just kidding i love making you guys cry. anyway, hope you all enjoyed it and i’ll see you on the next one.
do we want a part 2 or not? let me know x
66 notes · View notes
izziejomarbles · 2 years
Text
How dare you? part 2
shitty friends suck.
You felt so dramatic. Holed up in your room, only leaving when you knew no one was outside. It was killing you inside. But you hoped to god it was killing Steve more.
He hadn't tried to see you since the first time, which annoyed you. Why wasn’t he fighting for you? Didn’t he care?
You heard Wanda approach the door. This was the 6th time this week.
‘Y/n? I know you're hurt. I can see that you are hurting. We don’t want to be annoying but all we want to do is help.’
They didn’t want to be annoying? How do they think you felt when everyone else was with family while you were alone? A hell of a lot more than annoying. You were getting angry now. You stormed up to your door, making Wanda take a surprised step back as you opened it.
‘Y/n! We missed you, I was wond-’
‘Wanda. Either get out, or I’m going to yell.’
‘Yell. Please. It’s better than radio silence. I can take it.’
‘Do you know what it’s like to have bad friends? Because that's what you guys are. Terrible fucking friends. It makes you feel small. An inconvenience. Everytime we go on a mission I feel like you guys hate me. So in turn I hate myself. Which is exhausting. And I’m so goddamn tired, Wanda! I just want to be enough. I’m a good friend, am I not? Why am I not enough for you guys?’
The tears were coming back, rolling fast down your face. You knew that you had wasted too many tears on the people you called your family, and yet you still couldn’t stop the whimpers you were making.
Wanda's eyes softened as you put your hands on your knees, exhausted from the tears that were wracking your body.
‘I’m so tired of not being enough, Wanda. I’m so tired.’
She pulled you into her arms, and for the first time in a long time, you felt comfort in someone that wasn’t Steve. Usually you would have to imagine that their arms were his, but you didn’t have to. Wanda was here, not Steve.
‘Honey, I didn’t know you were feeling all this. I’m so sorry. You are enough. You are more than enough and I can’t put into words how sorry I am that we made you feel like that. There were so many times when I wanted to go into our head because I could see that you were hurting but I promised you all I wouldn’t without your permission. God, I’m so sorry.’
Her apology hadn't made you feel better, but you did realise you probably should have told them you were feeling this way, because even though they were being bad friends, it had to be your fault in one way or another.
Wanda put her hands on your shoulders and looked you dead in the eyes.
‘No. Y/n, stop that right now. You are not going to make excuses for us when we don't deserve them. None of this is even vaguely your fault. Now go clean those tears off your face we’re watching a movie.’
You quickly cleaned yourself up, before making yourself down the hallway towards the living room. Before you could process what was happening, Steve was coming towards you, and fast.
‘Y/n. I missed you so much. I’ve been so worried about you.’
Apparently not worried enough to actually come and check on her.
‘Oh, yeah? Then where have you been?’
Steve looked taken aback, like he didn’t expect you to still be mad at him.
‘Um, I assumed you wanted some space?’
‘You assumed? Why didn’t you just ask? We live in the same building, Steve. I swear to god, I don’t know how I’ve put up with this.’
Steve’s eyes softened as you saw the hurt settle into his features.
‘Put up with what, Y/n?
‘This!’
You exclaimed, waving your hands around.
‘You are treating me badly, and even though I know I deserve better, I still forgive you and your half-assed apologies! I’m sick of it.’
Steve took a step back.
‘So am I right to assume that you still want space?’
You didn’t laugh.
‘I don’t want space. I want you to come back, but not with some half hearted apology. I want a real one, Steve.’
‘I might have to get back to you on that. I’m not good at speaking my mind.’
You smiled.
‘Evidently.’
‘But I heard you and Wanda were having a movie night? Is it possible that I could get an invite?’
You studied his face for a second. He seemed to be being genuine, but you didn’t fully trust your judgement at the moment.
‘I’ll offer you an invite. But I haven’t forgiven you. And I’ll be waiting for that apology.’
He walked away, looking a little too happy for someone who hadn't actually been forgiven. But you were feeling nice. And you’d deal with the rest of them later.
‘Y/n!’
You heard Wanda shout from the other room.
‘I was thinking about watching the holiday?’
‘That’s fine with me!’
‘Cool! Now get your ass over here. You have an amazing amount of body heat and I want to use it.’
sorry this kind of sucks. please submit some requests because i have no ideas. i think i might also start writing on ao3, but different stuff than on here. anyway, i love you all and am so thankful for all the support you guys give me.
63 notes · View notes
izziejomarbles · 2 years
Text
How dare you?
this is kind of based on real events that are happening right now. i'm also so sorry for being gone so long, had to take a little christmas break, things up in the old noggin aren't great right now.
Steve had been distant lately. You felt like you were holding on too hard, but you felt like he was slipping through your fingers.
You had always known Steve meant more to you than you did to him but you loved him too much to let him go.
You walked into the compound before Tony flew full force into your face.
'So, y/n. What are you going to do for Steve's party?'
You clapped your hands excitedly.
'Are we doing a surprise party? You know Steve hates surprises but I'm totally down.'
Tony's face dropped.
'Did you not get the invite? We were all added to a group chat.'
You tried to keep the hurt you were feeling off your face.
'I'm sure he just forgot. It's fine Tony. I really do have somewhere to be though.'
You moved past him, ignoring the calls and apologies that were headed your way.
Making your way into your room, you slammed the door and slid to the ground, head in your hands.
This was the second time this month that you were not invited to something the team was doing. The first time Clint had invited everyone to go to his for new years and you hadn't been invited. You tried to convince yourself it was just a slip up, that they just forgot. You weren't that close with Clint and his family anyway.
But Steve? You guys had been best friends for nearly 3 years. He meant the world to you. You went to him for all your problems, you would have done anything for him. And he hadn't invited you to his birthday party? That was no slip up. He had not forgotten. This was so intentional that it felt like your chest was caving in on you.
You started going over your entire friendship. And has everything been a lie? Was he really lying to your face when he told you he loved you? He knew how much you struggled after the new years eve incident. He was there first hand. He was the one telling you everyone didn't hate you. And when you asked him if he still likes you he said-
'Of course, sweetheart.'
He pulled you into a hug and told you it would all be okay. You felt angry. How dare he. How dare he make you feel small. Make you feel selfish. Make you feel awful.
He knew and yet he still did it.
After 10 minutes of crying you heard a knock at your door. You could tell it was Steve by the way he did an extra knock compared to everyone else in the tower.
‘Y/n? I heard around that you were sad so I came over. I brought popcorn? ’
How dare he make you feel like he was too good for you? How could he make this feel like it was your fault?
‘Go away Steve. I don’t need you.’
Your voice cracked at the end of your sentence as you choked down a sob. You did in fact need him. You leaned on him so much that this was so hard to do without him. You were co-dependent on him, and it needed to stop. You needed to be able to tell him that he was wrong. That he was leaving you out. That he was making you insecure.
‘Y/n. Let me in. I know you want me in there.’
The truth was that you did. You wanted so bad to open the door and let him hold and rock you until you felt better. It was taking everything in you to restrain yourself.
‘I said, go away. I don’t want you in here. You are the reason I’m sad and if you don’t get out of here, I’ll forgive you. I will. And I really don’t want to. So get out Steve!’
You heard him back away from the door, before a whole load of new tears came flooding out.
You flipped over your phone to check your messages. You had a load of missed calls from Tony, and as much as you didn’t really want to talk to him, it could be important.
He picked up on the first ring.
‘Oh, y/n, I’m so sorry. I just assumed you were on the groupchat. I didn’t know. I’m so sorry.’
‘Tony, is anything important happening?’
‘No, but-’
‘You just called me to apologise?’
‘Well, yeah. I feel really bad, y/n.’
‘I can bet you I feel worse. I think I might go on some solo missions for a while, is that okay?’
‘Of course. Y/n are you sure you're okay?’
‘Of course I’m not okay Tony. But what else am I supposed to do other than this?’
He stayed silent.
‘Great. Bye, Tony.’
You hung up, feeling a sick feeling in the bottom of your stomach. You didn’t know what to do. What to feel.
i’ll probably do a part 2 when i’m feeling more motivated. this one is very close to my heart because it's so personal. i’m sorry it's so short, still trying to get back into the swing of things. love you guys x
141 notes · View notes
izziejomarbles · 2 years
Note
You aint slick we know that youtube imagine is plagiarized lmao
you didn't need to be rude, i wrote it over a few days and forgot to put an ib. i'm sorry if i hurt your feelings but you didn't need to be mean.
0 notes
izziejomarbles · 2 years
Text
Potato, patato, darling.
i'm a little worried you guys won't like this because it's not angst, but i promise i'll be back making y'all cry soon x
okay so please write some requests, i'll take anything. i suck at being creative.
inspired by: https://t-lostinworlds.tumblr.com/post/624558718949916672/childbirth-simulator-tom-holland
warning: swearing, a lot of dialogue, so much fluff it's disgusting, shitty writing
'Hi everyone! Welcome back to the Holland House YouTube channel!'
Harrison pouted from behind the camera.
'With not only Holland's within the household.'
You gave him a look from your space on the bed you shared with Tom.
'I'm not a Holland. But here I am, leaning into it.'
'Okay, but you are going to be a Holland soon.'
'What if I decide to keep my surname?'
'We all know you won't.'
Tom clapped his hands together next to you before exclaiming.
'And I'm Tom Holland. Today we will be using a birth simulator.'
'Also known as a TENs machine'
'Potato, patato. As you know my wonderful fiancée is with child-'
'With child, what the fuck Tom?'
'Okay, firstly no swearing in front of the child, secondly I think I got the point across. Lets go!'
'You are way too excited for this.'
As Tom started sticking the small stickers on his stomach Harry and Sam walked into the bedroom.
'Well well well, what do we have here?'
Harry smirked, before pulling up a chair behind the camera. Tom looked up at him before looking back at you.
'My wife to be bought this wonderful machine, and I thought it would make a great YouTube video.'
Sam leaned against the wall, arms crossed.
'Y/n, you have become my new favourite person.'
'Um, I thought I already was? You already know you're my favourite Holland.'
Tom's head spun around to face you.
'Excuse me!? We are literally together!'
'Potato, patato, darling.'
You turned to look directly into the camera lens, before smiling at your audience.
'Obviously no one in this room has given birth, so no one can say whether this is accurate or not.'
Tom leaned over so that his face was covering yours.
'But y/n was telling me earlier that period pains can be the same as early labour pains?'
'Yup, they are supposed to prepare your body. Which does not explain why I had to start my period at age 11, but here we are.'
'I will be asking Tom questions about women as we do this, and with everyone he gets wrong, the pain levels go up. Now that that's out of the way, let's get started!'
Tom lay down on the bed, not before winking at the camera though.
'Tom!' Sam yelled.
'What!? This is a flattering angle on me.'
'Okay, okay. First question Tom. What age do women get their first period? On average.'
'12?'
'Shit. Yes, you are correct.'
'Love, were you just upset that I wouldn't get hurt?'
You lowered your voice before saying-
'Yes. But I digress! Next question!'
Tom rolled his eyes at the camera before flopping back down on the bed. You looked down at your phone, picking a good next question.
'When a woman has a baby, what pathway does the baby use to exit the mother’s womb?'
'Something canal?'
'You know what, just because I'm bitter, I won't give you that one.'
You slowly pressed on the button labelled '1', eyes immediately shooting up to see Tom's reaction.
'Okay. Okay. This is not too bad. It's like a weird tingling sensation. like someone is lightly tapping me.'
You spin your head towards the camera dramatically.
'Well, that was disappointing. For the record, it was the cervix and birth canal.'
'I honestly think you could have given that to me.'
'Love, I honestly think you should know where our child is going to come out of.’
You shoot a look at the camera, winking your audience.
‘Okay Tom, what does PMS stand for?’
He scratched his chin, as if in thought.
‘Something, menstrual syndrome?’
You gave him a warm smile, impressed at how well he’d done.
‘I’m really proud of you, lovebug. The full name is premenstrual syndrome, but you did so well that I’m giving you that point.’
You heard some disappointed signs from behind the camera, before Tom yelled-
‘Oh, come on guys! You should not be rooting for me to be in pain!’
Tuwaine whistled and Harrison shouted back.
‘We are here for the entertainment! We aren’t seeing any!’
You gave Tom a look before saying quietly, but loud enough for the microphone to pick it up.
‘You better get the next one wrong or people are going to start unsubscribing.’
‘Give me a hard one next then.’
Tom gave you a cheeky smile before looking directly into the lens and quietly saying-
‘That's what she said.’
You gasped and whacked his arm with the nearest pillow.
‘Children watch this, Tom! This is a family friendly channel!’
‘Says the one who was swearing earlier?!’
‘All I’m hearing is excuses. Anyway, next question. Where do women put their menstrual cups?’
Tom gave you a worried look.
‘Um, how am I supposed to answer this?’
You squint your eyes at him.
‘How do you want to answer this?’
‘You know, up there?’
You whack him with the pillow again.
‘It's the birth canal again Thomas! I can’t wait to do this again.’
You quickly pressed the next highest number on the little white remote you held in your hands.
‘Oh, oh hello. This feels like somebody is giving my stomach a rather hard massage.’
‘This is the least entertained I've been in a while.’
Sam sighs.
‘Don’t worry boys, he won't get the next one.’
Tom looked up, offended.
‘I’m sure I know more than you guys think.’
You tuck your feet under your thighs, before moving on to the next question.
‘You actually should get this one right Tom. How many ovaries do women have?’
‘I’m pretty sure it’s just one.’
He smiled, getting ready to be praised but you just stared at him in shock.
‘You need some female anatomy classes because you are uneducated.’
You look behind the camera setup with questioning eyes.
‘Any of you boys know?’
They all shook their heads, mumbling something about ‘thinking it was one too’.
‘It’s two, gentlemen. I have two ovaries.’
You shot up the stimulator to four, just because you felt he needed a better reaction.
‘Oh my fuck! That hurts! Pain! Safe word!’
You grinned at the camera.
‘Now that, guys, gals and non binary pals, is quality entertainment.’
‘What the hell was that?!’
‘That, my dear loverboy, was level four.’
Tuwaine and Harrison burst out laughing, pointing their fingers at Tom while howling about him being a baby.
‘A four?! That has to be incorrect.’
He took the remote from your hands, looking at it closely, before placing it back down on the bed.
‘Oh well, better get this done quickly then.’
‘What is this?’
You show him a picture of a beauty blender, and he gives you those uneasy eyes again.
‘I think we both know what that is, darling.’
‘Excuse me Tom?’
‘You know, you use it sometimes when…’
‘Yes?’
‘When men don’t finish the job.’
Everybody in the room immediately started laughing, causing Tessa to race up the stairs to see what all the fuss was about.
‘Tom! This is a beauty blender. You have literally seen me use one of these.’
‘Well, I’ve seen you use the other thing too.’
You shoot Harry a look.
‘You better cut that out.’
He saluted at you.
‘On it ma’am.’
‘It's used to blend makeup on your face. And just because you embarrassed me we are going up two more again.’
‘Love, no, No! I’m sorry! Please, off!’
You gave the camera a smug look.
‘Now this is what we signed up for! Tom, sweetie, it will be over in a few seconds.’
He cocked an eyebrow at you.
‘What?!’
‘Contractions, honey. You are having a baby.’
As soon as you turned off the machine, Tom leaned forward and took a staggering breath.
‘That was only six?!’
You nodded.
‘I would like to thank my mum for having me, and my three brothers. You are a superstar.’
You winked at the camera.
‘You’re welcome Nikki.’
‘Can we just skip to ten? I can’t take this anymore.’
You looked around at the men in front of you.
‘What do you think, boys? Should we just shoot it up to ten?’
They all nodded and held their thumbs up.
‘Okay, Tom this is the last question. Are you having a boy or a girl?’
His eyes widened.
‘As in me right now or you?’
‘You, silly. It’s too early to tell for me. That should have been a question, goddamnit. Anyway, your answer, Mr. Holland?’
‘Um, a boy?’
‘Incorrect! Are you excited for this one everyone?’
You pressed the ten button, before Tom jumped back, squirming on his side of the bed.
‘Oh, god. Motherfucker this hurts like a bitch.’
You lifted up Tessa off the floor, ready to give Tom his baby.
‘Y/n, turn it off! Safe word, safe word!’
‘Okay, okay! I was just about to give you your child, Tom.’
You handed Tessa off to Tom before taking off the sticky strips on your fiancé’s stomach.
You hung your legs off the front of the bed before waving at the camera.
‘Thank you all for watching, like and subscribe and everything.’
You got up and walked out of the room, yelling out behind you-
‘Now, who’s going to make me dinner?’
Tom gave the camera a look.
‘You heard the boss. Goodnight and goodbye everyone.’
no really i am so worried you guys won’t like this because it’s fluffy and not sad. but once again, i will take any ideas, and i’ll be back forcing tears out of you soon. also, opinions on no way home?
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izziejomarbles · 2 years
Text
my masterlist
Tumblr media
last updated: 16th March 2022
Marvel
Bucky Barnes
I guess it's my fault for loving you.
bucky does something unforgiveable.
Peter Parker
Goodbyes are always the hardest 2 3
y/n stark says her final goodbyes.
Tony Stark
Steve Rogers
How dare you? 2
steve and the team leave you out.
Natasha Romanoff
Wanda Maximoff
Actors
Tom Holland
Potato, patato, darling.
tom uses a birth stimulator for a youtube video.
For Real This Time 2
you get the call that your husband has been in a fatal car accident.
called you again
tom helps you through the death of your husband.
Honest
you struggle to eat after a tragedy.
Chris Evans
RDJ
Fear Street
Nick x Ziggy
only love can hurt like this
nick really was just a scared boy trying to please him father. but what if his father never died? what if ziggy had forgiven him after the nightwing massacre? - this is 7k so prepare yourself
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izziejomarbles · 2 years
Text
I guess it's my fault for loving you.
once again, with the angst. i'm so sorry.
warning: cheating, swearing, pain?
Bucky walked into your room with his eyes downcast. His hands were in solid fists, the metal one reflecting in the setting sun.
'Bucky. Look at me.'
He made no sign of movement, before uncurling his fists. His hair looked ragged, you guessed it was from the amount of times he'd run his hands through it.
'James.'
His eyes immediately flicker up to meet yours. Your red rimmed, bloodshot eyes. As soon as his chocolate brown ones met yours, they softened. You hated how you still noticed these tiny details about him.
'Doll...you've been crying.'
'No shit Bucky.'
'It hurts to love you, Bucky.'
'You know what y/n, this relationship isn't working anymore.'
Your eyes brimmed with tears.
'What?'
'I can't do this anymore. I don't want to.'
He was raising his voice now. Everyone in the tower would be able to hear his side of the argument. You made a mental note to tell Tony to get better soundproof walls. Or a special arguing room.
'Bucky. I'm trying, we can try harder.'
'It's not supposed to be this hard, y/n!'
You reached out your palm so he could take it, but he just recoiled and took a step back.
'I slept with someone.'
You took a step back, tripping on the heels of your feet before lowering your voice.
'You what?'
'I fucking cheated on you! Is that what you wanted to hear? I don't want to be with you anymore!?'
'Bucky? I...you're lying, right? You have to be making this up?'
'Oh, god. Y/n I'm so sorry. I'll fix this. Let me fix this.'
'How could you do this to me?'
This time he reached out for your hand, and you snapped.
'No! Don't...don't touch me. I don't want to ever fucking see you again. Get out of my sight before I do it myself.'
His head hung low, his shaggy hair covering his tear filled eyes.
Steve stood in the doorway of the sitting room, all ready to comfort you, but you just shook your head and started making your way out the door. At this moment all you could feel was sheer humiliation.
'Did you enjoy it? Making a fool out of me.'
'God, no. It's the worst thing I've ever done. And I know you need time and everything but please, just please let me make it up to you.'
'Make it up to me? You broke my heart, Bucky. You do have any idea what this feels like?'
'I know, I know. But what we have, it has to be enough.'
'Had, James. You ruined this. I need you to go.'
'You're not even going to try?'
'I've tried! I've been trying for months! But obviously it wasn't enough because you cheated on me and then embarrassed me in front of all our friends!'
'It was a momentary lapse in judgement! And of course it was enough, you are more than enough.'
'Am I though? Because I have never done anything to you. I have never done anything to deserve this. But this hurts too fucking much!'
'How the hell is this hurting you? You are the one breaking up with me!'
'Because I still fucking love you! You've broken me, to my core, yet right here, right now, if you kissed me I'd go running back to this. This relationship that's already over.'
Bucky was getting desperate, you could see it in demeanour.
'But, y/n I love you. I love you more than life.'
'You don't though. Because you don't destroy the people that you love.'
He looked so destroyed that you were ignoring every signal in your body that screamed at you to go and hug him.
'You wanna know the worst part, Bucky? I don't even care that you're breaking me. I am an absolute fucking moron because I am always going to love you.'
You walked past him, leaving him staring at your wall. Without turning around to look at you he threatens-
'If you walk out that door, we're over.'
'Oh, Bucky. We were over long before this conversation.'
You took two steps towards the door, looking at your dark red winter boots before stopping with your fingers grazing the handle.
'And Buck?'
'Yeah?'
'Don't you ever love anything more than life.'
'I guess it was my fault for loving you.'
'Or mine.'
With that, you quietly left the room.
can you count how many references i put in this? btw i love bucky, i just wanted to do this idea with him. sorry this is so short. i am also very sorry this angst again, i promise i do have some happy stuff queued up.
your comments mean the literal world to me, i love you guys x
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izziejomarbles · 2 years
Text
Goodbyes are always the hardest part 2
so yeah. i said i'd do a part 2 and here it is?
warnings: major character death, hard angst, blood, grieving
The day Tony told Peter over the phone that you had died, was the worst day of his life. His whole world came crashing down. You had said goodbye to him and suddenly he didn't hear anything. He thought maybe the line had cut off, but then he heard yelling and Tony's voice.
He heard a horrific wail, and loud sobs.
'Hello? Mr. Stark? Is that you?'
'Kid? Oh god.'
'What? What is it? She was just talking to me, she was saying something about making sure you were okay and then she just said goodbye. Is she okay?'
'Peter...'
'Mr. Stark, I'm so confused, please tell me what's going on.'
Tony looked over at your bloodied body with tears streaming down his warm cheeks. He was in shock. His little girl was gone. It wasn't supposed to go like this. You were supposed to get better, live your life. He was supposed to walk you down the aisle when you got married. He was supposed to become a grandfather and spoil your kids rotten. But instead here he was. Staring at his daughter's dead body while trying to comprehend that everything in his life had changed. He had changed. As soon as he ran in and saw your pale cold body he had changed.
He now had to crush this kid. He had to be the one to tell this poor boy that you had died. He didn't even have a choice.
'Peter. I need you to sit down.'
'I'm sitting down.'
'What else did y/n tell you?'
'She told me that she went to a corner shop and she saw some spiderman pendants that reminded her of me so she called to talk. Then she told me to look after you and make sure you were okay. Then she...she told me that she loved me. And then it was cut off.'
'Kid. I'm so sorry.'
'Mr. Stark?'
'Please don't make me say it.'
'Is y/n okay?'
'My little girl...she...Peter she's gone.'
'What? No, she was just speaking to me, she, she was at a shop.'
'Peter. She went on a mission and we just found her in the basement of a hydra base.'
'No, no you're lying. We were just on the phone. Are you sure she's not asleep? Sometimes she looks dead when she's asleep.'
Dead. Oh my god you were dead. Tony was never going to see you again. You'd never laugh at his silly dad jokes again. You'd never have late night hot chocolate with Pepper again. You'd never present PowerPoints' at movie night with Steve again. You'd never go on your weekly walks with Bucky, or train with Natasha. You were gone forever.
'Kid, listen to me. You are going to come to the tower and we are going to figure out what we are going to do.'
'But... I'm at MJ's house. I have to finish the movie marathon tomorrow...'
'Are you not hearing me? My daughter is dead and you are worried about a movie marathon. I know you're in shock but I really need you to cooperate.'
'Okay. I'll be there in an hour tops.'
'Good.'
'Daddy?'
'Yes my little lady?'
'What will happen when I die?'
Tony turned around to look at you. What brought up this question? You were only 6.
'What makes you ask that?'
'Lila's mom died last week. I want to know where she went.'
'Oh. Well, we don't really know what happens when you die.'
'What happens if you die?'
'Then you will be big enough to look after yourself and you won't need me anymore.'
'But I don't want to be alone.'
'Honey, you won't be alone when I die. What about Bruce, Thor, Steve, Clint and Nat? What about Pepper?'
'Not when you die silly. When you die I will be married and live in a mansion with my 12 kids, of course I won't be alone. When I die. I don't want to die alone.'
Tony crouched down so he could look you directly in the eyes.
'Y/n Stark. You will not die alone. Even if I'm not here when you die, I'm always with you, right here.'
He took his index finger and put it over your heart.
'You will never be alone, you hear me? You will never be alone because the power of love never lets you be alone.'
'I love you too daddy. I will be with you when you die because I love you.'
Tony sat at the head of the table surrounded by his fellow Avengers. They had all raised you, and none of them were prepared for life without you.
'I know you all know. So you are all granted 2 weeks off. But only if you want it. If you need more, you'll have to ask Nick.'
Wanda looked up to meet Tony's eyes.
'Her room?'
'Won't be touched. You can go in there, but don't move anything.'
Hurried footsteps came from the end of the hall, before Peter came in from behind the door.
'Oh.'
Sam got up to give Peter a hug, and whispered into his ear.
'I'm so sorry kid. I know she was important to you.'
'She's really gone?'
Peter was still in a deep state of denial, and couldn't comprehend that you were gone.
Peter wouldn't accept that you were gone. Because then he was awful on his last phone call to you. God, he asked if you were drunk! When you were lying on the cold hard tile in a basement alone. And you called him. He was the last voice you wanted to hear.
Bruce suddenly sat up in his seat.
'Was she alone down there? Did she just bleed out by herself while we were just sitting here eating dinner?'
'No. I was on the phone to her. She, she didn't tell me what was going on. I didn't, I didn't know. Mr. Stark I swear I didn't know.'
'Kid, I know.'
Tony was tired. It had been the longest day of his life. On top of that, Pepper was coming home from a business trip tomorrow morning and he would have to explain that her only daughter was never coming home.
He stood up out of his chair before walking out of the room.
Peter ran out, before yelling down the hall.
'Mr. Stark?! I know you're tired and we should all probably go to bed, but...is she here? In the tower? I just want to see her one last time.'
'Peter, I...okay. Okay.'
'Pete. I'm so sorry.'
'It was my fault, y/n.'
You moved closer to him, cupping his cheeks in your palms.
'Peter Parker, you are the sweetest, most wonderful person I know. You cannot control death. It just happens. Especially this one. You hear me? This is not your fault.'
'You still love me?'
'Oh, Pete of course I still love you. I love you more than the stars love the moon. I love you with every bone, muscle, tendon in my body.'
'What if I kill someone doing this job? What if I die doing this job?'
'Then I'll love you through the entire thing. I think I'll always love you.'
You shuffled so you were sitting next to him, him playing with your fingers in his lap.
'You wanna know something my dad told me when I was a little girl? He told me that even if you are physically alone when you die, you are never really alone, because there is someone out there who loves you. And love doesn't let you die alone. So if you do die doing this job, I will be there, right next to you, holding your hand, because I love you, Pete.'
Peter sunk into the chair next to your body. All of a sudden it felt very real. You were gone and no matter what he did he would never get you back.
'Mr. Stark?'
Tony stood with his back to Peter, he couldn't stand to see his only daughter lying dead on the autopsy table.
'Yes Peter?'
'She told me once that you couldn't die alone because-'
'Because love doesn't let you die alone. Yeah, when she was six years old she was worried she'd be alone when her time came. I can't believe it came so soon.'
'She's too young. You know, I, I didn't say it back.'
'What?'
'She said I love you and I didn't say it back. I would have said it back if I had known. Oh god. I never said it back. Mr. Stark what am I going to do?'
'You are going to grieve for a bit. But then you are going to pick yourself up, because that's what she wanted you to do. Its going to be unbelievably hard, and some days you are going to feel like you want to die, but you will keep going.'
'And you?'
Tony turned around and took a step towards your body. He reached out and stroked your face, before putting his hand on your heart, just like he'd done all those years ago.
'I will do the same. Because I have to. She fought, so it's only fair we do the same.'
Peter sensed that Tony was having a moment, so he quietly stepped out and left him to say goodbye.
Tony leaned down and put his forehead against yours.
'I love you, sweetheart. And I'm always with you. Right here.'
sorry that was deeply depressing. also 2 posts in one day? who is she? don't get used to it. anyway, thank you for all the love on the last post, and once again, love you guys x
@zealouspursecowboydeputy @runawayolives
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izziejomarbles · 2 years
Text
Goodbyes are always the hardest.
this is inspired by https://angel-spidey.tumblr.com/post/190545759108/death-by-a-thousand-cuts-pp-x-reader
warnings: conversations about alcoholism, blood, major character death. basically very dark, very heavy and the whole thing is angst
'Um, Pete? Hello?'
Your hand was shaky as you brought it up to your ear, trying to sound as calm and collected as you could.
'Y/n? What are you doing up?'
You heard shuffling across the line, like he was sitting up from lying down.
'Oh Peter, I'm so sorry, did I wake you up?'
'It's all good. Look, is everything okay? Are you in danger?'
'Y/n. I think we need to take a break.'
What? Break up? When did things get so bad so quickly?
'Baby, no. We don't need to break up. I love you, you love me, everything is okay.'
'Y/n, things haven't been okay in a long time. You are tearing yourself apart and you just expect me to watch?!'
His eyes welled up with tears as you tried to take his hand, before he took a step back and pulled away from you.
'No, no. I get it. I can get better, Pete, I swear to you. Just give me some time and I'll get better.'
'No! I'm not watching as you fall apart. Because you are dragging me down with you.'
You looked down before softening your voice and asking-
'It's because of her, isn't it? MJ.'
'No, Y/n. It's because of you.'
You sniffled a little, pushing yourself up off the floor and propping yourself against the cold brick wall.
'No, no. I'm all okay. I just wanted to talk to you for a minute, it's been a while.'
'Yeah, yeah it has. Y/n, I hate to ask but, are you drunk again?'
The words stung, even though he had every right to ask.
'I'm not, Pete, I swear. Haven't been for two and a half weeks.'
'Oh, okay. That's really good, Y/n. You wanted to talk?'
'Yeah, I just um, I'm outside this shop, and it, er, reminded me of you.'
'Okay...what was the shop?'
'I'm not sure it has a name. It's just a little corner shop. But it has, um, these little spiderman pendants that I think you would like.'
'Well, make sure to bring one back for me, okay? It would be great to meet up soon.'
'Yeah, yeah. Sure thing, Peter.'
'He hasn't called me, daddy. Why won't he call me?'
Tony sighed, taking in your drunken state.
'Maybe he just needs a break, honey. I'm sure you guys can fix it when you get better.'
'But I need him! He can't give up on me, can he?'
Tony takes a step towards you, slightly cautious of the fact that you might lash out at him.
'Just give him some space, y/n. He just needs time.'
'Well I need him!'
Tears started spilling over as your eyes met your dads.
'Does he not love me anymore daddy?'
You started sobbing and threw yourself into your dad's arms. He started stroking your hair, letting you cry into his chest.
'I'm sure he does, sweetheart. I'm sure he does.'
'Hey, Peter, what are you doing right now?'
'Other than talking to you? I'm at MJ's house. We are having this movie marathon thing, but she fell asleep so we are probably going to pick it up tomorrow.'
'That sounds great. Do you like her?'
'What? No. I mean her hair is pretty and she has a really nice laugh-'
'That's wonderful, Pete. I'm really happy for you.'
You had to cut him off because you couldn't take the added pain of hearing him gush about the girl you had been insecure about for so long.
'This is a weird request, but um, could you tell me a memory? Your favourite memory.'
'Okay? Sure, but are you sure you are okay? I know we haven't really talked since...you know. But I can still come and get you if you aren't good.'
'I'm good. I'm great.'
Truthfully your abdomen was gushing with blood and the tile floor was quickly changing colour. But sitting here talking to Peter, in a dark basement, you couldn't have felt more okay. You had spent the last two and a half weeks getting sober so that you could talk to him, and even though this wasn't the preferred scenario, you were always happy on the phone to him.
'Now where is that story?'
'Okay so I think it was about two years ago...'
Peter was brushing his hand up and down your arm while telling you all about his mission he'd been on that night. You suddenly turned around in his arms and put your chin on his chest. He brought his eyes down from your ceiling to yours. He just stopped talking and stared.
'What?'
You smirked, giving him a little nudge.
'Do you know what I just realised?'
'Of course I don't know dummy, that's why I'm asking you.'
'I love you.'
Your eyes widen in shock. You did not expect him to say that.
'Say that again.'
'I love you. I love you I love you I love you.'
You bit the inside of your cheek, smiling at him as he looked down at you.
'You know what, funnily enough I love you too.'
'That was such a good day. Quite honestly one of the only full good days I can remember...'
'With me?'
'No, no.'
You could practically hear the guilt brimming as he shuffled around, trying to find a comfortable spot to have this conversation.
'Y/n?'
'Yeah?'
'You really are okay, aren't you?
'Yes, Pete. I'm okay.'
It was almost comedic. You were sitting here on this tile floor of a Hydra base somewhere, bleeding out, trying to convince your ex-boyfriend you were walking down a street somewhere. You would tell him, you really would have done. But in this exact moment, all you wanted to do was have a normal conversation with him. As normal as you guys could get anyway.
'Is Tony there with you?'
He sounded cautious, like he was stepping on cracked ice.
'No, he's at home. You know dad, always the workaholic.'
'You guys are okay too?'
'Yeah, he um, he's been helping me get sober these last few weeks. He's been really patient with me.'
'Y/n, if you really want to show that boy that you care about him, you gotta get clean.'
'Dad, alcohol is all I have. Don't you understand? I don't like sober me!'
'Well, everyone else doesn't like drunk you! You can get help, y/n. I can help you.'
'Why don't you just let me drown myself in the alcohol until I die? Then I would be off both yours and Peter's plates.'
'Because I love you! You're my kid! I'm not watching you slowly kill yourself! So this week I am going to hide all the alcohol in the tower, and everyone is going to help you do this. Nat, Steve, Clint, everyone. Because you aren't y/n anymore. And I want her back.'
'I'm so sorry daddy. But I don't think I can do this. This is who I am now.'
'I know it feels that way, sweetheart. But I promise I will help you. It will get better.'
'I'm sorry I wasn't more patient with you when we were together.'
'No, Peter, don't do that. That's not why I called you. And anyway, it wasn't your responsibility to be patient with me. I was off the rails and you had every right to leave. And for that I have a lifetime's worth of sorrys.'
You took in a sharp inhale, and you knew your end was coming. You had to talk fast otherwise you'd die and he wouldn't hear everything you wanted to tell him.
'Look, Pete, can you take care of dad for me?'
'What? You can do that yourself?'
'Peter Parker, promise me you will look after him. And yourself.'
'I promise? Is Mr. Stark okay? Y/n what's going on?'
'He's okay, Pete. He's okay. I just have a feeling he's not going to be soon.'
'Okay? I'm honestly so confused right now, Y/n. If you just tell me what's going on, maybe I can help you, I can-'
'Peter. I need you to stop rambling because this is the hardest thing I've ever done. Harder than the drinking, harder than anything I've ever gone through. But I have to do it, you get me?'
It was getting hard to breathe, and your breaths were becoming quiet hiccups. Memories were starting to flash in front of your eyes, and everything around you was slowly losing colour.
'You said everything was okay? Was it me, did, did I say something?'
'No, Peter. You have never done anything wrong, you hear me? I just, I need...'
'Y/n, what is going on? Do I need to call your dad?'
'It's okay, Pete. I'm going to be okay real soon, okay? I just need to let you know that I love you.'
He stayed silent on the other line, stuttering a little bit, trying to find a good answer. Your body slumped in disappointment, and pain.
'I don't know what to say.'
'That's fine.' You say softly. 'I'm just telling you now, I love you Peter Parker.'
'Okay.'
You turned around to cough, before feeling liquid leave your lips. You let out a moan, praying to anyone for the fear to go away. You didn't want to be scared. But fear is a human emotion, and you were, after all, only human.
'Bye, Pete.'
You let the phone slip out of your fingers, and clatter onto the ground. You could hear him still talking but it was so muffled that you couldn't make out any words.
Soon your father would come crashing through the doors of the Hydra base, to find he was minutes too late. He would have to pick up your phone off the floor and tell Peter with tears streaming down his face why you had stopped responding to him.
You didn't know that he would have said I love you back if he knew you were dying alone in a basement. You didn't know he would go on to collect little spiderman pendants to remind him of you wherever he went. You didn't know that no one truly ever got over losing you.
i will do a part 2 but here is this crap till then. love you guys x
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izziejomarbles · 2 years
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um so hello.
i have accounts on wattpad and fanfiction but as i've been reading here i might as well write on here too.
i'm shit at writing and i'm almost always on hiatus but i hope y'all will accept me into the tumblr community.
i write marvel, greys anatomy and many other things. i love requests because depression sucks out my inspiration and i love writing for you guys.
anyways i should stop.
love you guys can't wait to start this x
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izziejomarbles · 3 years
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bringing out the big guns
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