just-some-castaways

[just-some-castaways]

This is a lovely author with a simple yet elegant writing style, highly suggest you check out her work and give the collection a look ☺️🩷

-Madeline

happy to announce Iris & Roses is now available on amazon ! this is my first ever poetry collection i’ve self-published (so please be kind if the printing and font sizes are a little off <3) grab a copy and tell me what you think ! and thank you from the bottom of my heart if you do <3

♡ Iris & Roses by Miriam Orien LeRose ♡

[just-some-castaways]

All I hear are screams…

Every time I dare to close my eyes.

I no longer dream…

Only nightmares of those who’ve died.

[just-some-castaways]

Oh dear child, Have thou lost thy way? Come, take my hand, Let me take you home.

Oh wayward soul, Why stray so far away? Your mother frets, And father paces.

Oh little friend, Do you not fear me? I have devoured, I have consumed.

Oh curious human, Have you no fear inside? Respect is yours, Despite your ignorance.

Oh young friend, Will you visit me again? Home awaits you, Calm their worries.

And dear child, When you stray too far, Call my name and I will be there, To guide you home once more, For hearts like yours, Do not belong to the abyss.

Are you the one they call dark abyss ? You say you devoured and consume, So why this kindness ? Isn't it amiss ? What is fear, it just withers and bloom, Ignorance is the key, to ward off the fear, O dear abyss why do you send me away ? When you ask if I visit in the future near, My mind is confused but the heart says, “Dark abyss is not all to dark as it seem, Maybe it is a just a bit dark shade of grey, Even in the dark there is kindness gleam, My fantasies don't shatter is what I pray.” Why you say here my heart don't belong, I am not white, but gray of lighter shade, But you are right, and I shouldn't prolong My stay here; I reach home with your aid. So O dear abyss, mama taught me to be, Grateful to those who help me in need, So thank you, for you have showed me, My way home, and a face of good deed.

–The child you helped

[just-some-castaways]

Recently uncovered a musician who does very unique rap/audio mixing.

Thus far, this is one of my favorites. Why?

Well....

If anyone wants to know what it's like to have a conversation in a headspace between different alters, there's 4 perspectives in this song, and the background audio reflects that. Yes I know it's been done before, but others are written like a direct conversation between self and self conscious with the same tune, and it's usually with not a conversation, it's more like an arm wrestle.

Listen to the audio around 4:05, the "shhhhheeeeelllp" sound? That's what it feels like when you're pulled from the front.

The audio shift at 5:05ish? It's not the same as any of the three previous. The pace is different, the tone is different, and the claims to identity are different (I go by many names too, some call me hope- as opposed to earlier when he was struggling with what he stood on)

-

All in all, I don't know what REN had in mind for this song, but just give it a listen, and imagine having all four voices in your head, all the time, talking even when you're busy, even when you aren't. Talking, arguing, taking control of who's in charge, snatching memories, safe guarding from the outside.

[just-some-castaways]

I'm boiling over with these words:

My fingers quiver

My soul it shivers

I've feelings to share

I'm full of emotional tears

Music serenades my heart

Music calms my mind

But here is where I break the Ninth Commandment

Because while I hear your lyrics

And I when I see your art

I close the sketchbook

I close the drafted songs

Because if I fight to create something

That barely scratches the crust of my vision

While you breathe and bleed beauty

Please don't blame me

If I choose silence

Over the shame of my inadequacy.

-Maddie/Silence

[just-some-castaways]

Sometimes, as a creative, you have an idea, a concept, so dear to your soul, that you dare not speak a word to anyone, lest they taint it with disapproval.

I know this feeling like an old friend.

His name is Fear.

As to His greatest fear?

Her name is Hope.

-Maddie

[just-some-castaways]

These are such lovely and powerful sentences, I respect those who can place the weight of a million feelings into one short line of text.

-Madeline

Leave your fingerprints on every silence I sit in.

Don’t be kind, stay cruel and unforgettable.

Let your ghost kiss my throat when I try to speak of you.

I sleep with the door open, hoping your absence walks in.

Take my dreams hostage, and never let them go.

Be the weight that keeps my heart from floating away.

I don’t want closure, i want collapse.

Don’t drift into peace. Rage in my veins forever.

Let your voice run in my memory until it sounds like prayer.

If I’m ever free of you, I’ll chain myself back.

Let your memory be a blade I can’t stop kissing.

Be the ache I wrap around my ribs when the world goes quiet.

~Aatif Ameer ( Some lines )

[just-some-castaways]

oh fuck life is worth living isnt it. shit

[just-some-castaways]

Mirrors

I stand here, listening to the song you wrote me, trying to solve the same old problem that stumps me time and time again.

Why me?

I know I have low self esteem, I know I see my darkest sides when others just see the light. But can you truly look me in the eye and say that I’m the one you spoke about when you said you couldn’t live if I was gone?

I don’t understand.

You act like I’m stooping down to help you up, but truth be told I feel I’ll always be looking up to you. You say I stayed when no one did, but you’re one of the biggest reasons I stayed.

I suppose I just have one question,

Are we looking in the same mirror?

You smile and say you see someone who inspires, who holds you up, who you love to be around, but when you point in the glass, all I see is a blank wall.

You laugh, say I’m just too self conscious, that I could be anything I wanted if I tried.

Hours after you’ve left, I slip back into that room, I turn on the light, and I stare at the mirror…..

No matter what I try though, I can’t see what you see when we both look at my face in the mirror.

-Silence

[just-some-castaways]

The fact that you would ever want anything to do with me blows my mind.

You blow my mind.

It’s not your looks (though you are beautiful)

It’s not the fact we’re strangers

It’s the fact that the world seems to come naturally to your finger tips.

I know the price you had to pay.

But sometimes

I find myself jealous that you can tilt your head, and with genuine truthfulness ask, “why? It’s not that hard.”

[just-some-castaways]

Standards

I wish I knew you saw me.

I wish I knew you cared. I wish I knew for a fact you could see my pain, I wish I knew whether or not you'd care.

I'm tired of this pretending. I'm tired of playing games.

I've spent my years trying to live up to your standards I feel like it's all in vain.

I've cried in your arms, and you make it a joke. I've set my broken soul down, and you said it wasn't broke.

I'm going down in flames, screaming for anyone to hear me. But as I pass by your home, you won't even come near me.

I'm sorry I'm so broken, I'm sorry I'm like this. You know I didn't ask for this.

So why are you holding me to these standards? And why won't you tell me the rules of the game?

I'll go back through hell for you. I'll bring down the moon.

But when I fall apart, it's like I'm alone in the room.

So here's MY standards, here's my rules to the game. The walls are staying where they are, my trust isn't the same.

I'll put up the mask, ask if you like my smile. And when you are deceived by my tricks, I'll pretend for a little while.

Then I'll go home. You'll text and say I hurt you.

If that's the truth, What can I do, To help you see, I'm drowning in the sea?

[just-some-castaways]

You have no idea how much it means to me that you're accepting of my disorders and my brokenness......

.......but once the novelty wears off, and you've seen just how jagged and disgusting my broken parts are, I won't blame you if you go. So many before you have done the same.

[just-some-castaways]

"I was so young an naive back then"

"I wish I had known better."

"I was such a child, I thought I knew so much."

No, stop.

You did the best with what you had.

You were a child, do you expect a child to know how to find a healthy life long relationship? No, you expect a child to learn and grow.

You thought you knew so much, because you did. And now you have even more information. And tomorrow, you'll have more.

Please stop hating on past you for thinking they knew what they were doing. You did your best with what you had.

Congratulate them for getting you to where you are now.

[just-some-castaways]

London Fog

Feb. 3rd, 1942

My dearest London,

I cannot help but think of you as we sail atop the white capped waves of the Atlantic. The crashing of the water against the prow remind me of our many walks down the pier in the early hours of the morn, in the few moments we could steal away from the growling of the city. You always loved the sea, the magnitude of it, the unruly defiance it cast upon everything in it's past, the grand beauty of it's many colors and moods.

I'm stuck in the dichotomy of time, between yesterday, and what seems to my wishful mind as yesterday.

When your world changes, as drastically as ours has, and in so short a time frame, it seems difficult to discern between dreams and reality. Was our yesterday a dream? Or is it a reality I cling to for hope?

All around me all I see is anger. Anger at the events of Pearl Harbor, though it seems like a lifetime ago. Anger at our nation for not taking action sooner. Anger at those who coordinated the attack.

Anger that we were powerless onlookers as hundreds died in mere hours.

I cling to your smile London, the gentle touch of your hand in mind, squeezing it tightly and the whispered words "Do not turn your back on hope Jamie Montgomery, and neither shall I."

Neither shall I. Your ever faithful friend,

Jamie M.

[just-some-castaways]

[just-some-castaways]

The Conductor

Author: Jamie

-

“I’ve built you another friend, come, see them with your own eyes!”

I recoil, he’s found me again. Never was a shadow so dark that he couldn’t see through it like daylight. Never was a corner so removed from life that he wouldn’t stumble upon it.

To him, it was one on going game of hide and seek. And I assure you, he was never the one hiding.

“I don’t want it.”

His knives edge eyebrows press together, “oh come now, is that any way to thank me? I poured so much into this little gift, it’s practically my own image.”

I shrink against the cold brick wall, begging them to accept me as their own.

“No.” It was all I could manage to say.

“Perhaps you would change your mind if you saw them?” He straightens decisively. “Yes, yes you shall see them soon enough my dear boy, soon enough. And then you will be the best of friends.”

I close my eyes, trying to will his razors edge angles and blood red clothes out of existence. When I open them again, I chide myself for being such a blind fool.

How many times had I fallen for this before?

“Come! Come meet your new friend!” The man grasps my hand in his gloved claw, fingers with the strength of steal clamped around my freedom.

“I-“ My words fall from my lips, tripping over my surprise as they topple to the ground.

“Isn’t he simply splendid?” The bone white smile flashes in my vision even when I blink, the spotlights reflecting off his teeth like a beacon.

A slumped figure lays crumpled against a pile of crates, head lolling to the side, arms limp and lifeless. His head is crowned with the brilliant red and blue of a jesters cap, silvery bells and all. His smile is frozen, his gaze un-moving, eyes of black flecked paint staring straight through my shoes into the floorboards beyond.

I’d seen these types of creatures before, peddlers hung them from their window displays, strings holding their limbs aloft in greeting. Yet this creature is different, unique, possessing qualities that did not in fact reflect its maker.

For instance, the arms were too long. The legs lay too flat. The shoulders hung in place, unshaken by breath or voice, assuming it was even capable of such things.

“Jesper! Ive brought you your friend, do be a dear and say hello?”

Before the words finish exiting his lips, the creature’s gaze snaps up to meet my eyes.

“Hello.” It’s voice is weak and wheezy as if it were struggling to breath. Pushing itself up with legs and arms bent backwards and sideways to speed its trip to the world of the standing. Reaching a shaky upright posture, it remains slumped slightly, knees turned inwards, shoulders down, head tilted to the side. “I’ve missed you Jamie.”

I recoil. Missed me? I didn’t know this, this thing. How could it miss me??

“Ah…. You don’t see it yet do you?” The voice was silky, purring with satisfaction and pride, “I hope you don’t mind, but to give life to the lifeless, you must take it from somewhere and I took the liberty of borrowing some of yours. It will be well worth it in the long run I assure you, for as it possesses some of your sanity and lifeblood, it also possesses fragments of your mind, which will give it insight to your ever shifting emotions! Can you believe it? It can feel!”

With a few wobbly steps the creature closes the distance between us, stretching an arm out and resting it on my shoulder.

“Don’t worry Jamie,” it croakes, “your mind is in good hands. Or rather, good strings.”

The Conductor claps his mitts once, “Very well! Now that you two have made your acquaintances known, the show is about to begin. Shall we introduce the world to our newest act featuring two identical puppets?”

I wobble and slouch slightly, rolling my head to be able to see him better, the rough wooden joint of my neck grinding in frustration.

“It will be a night to remember sir.”

[just-some-castaways]

If they ask you to tell my story

Show them my writing.

If they ask you to talk about my life

Tell them the good and the bad.

If they ask you to share my dreams

Let them into my journals.

But if they ask you how I died

Tell them anything but the truth.