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[lazanskywrites]

some films I'll be watching this summer...

I'm not completely sure why my brain won't allow me to start a new movie or show when I'm busy with work and school. I think it's because I feel guilty for relaxing and watching something for enjoyment when I have assignments I could be doing. I've missed out on watching the premiers of many great movies these past few years because of this mentality, and I typically use summer as an opportunity to catch up.

For my film class this semester, I've been able to watch films and not feel bad about watching them...because it's for a grade of course. I was able to recently rewatch The Virgin Suicides which is such a great movie, but by the end, I realized why it's not a film I can rewatch over and over. For this class, I watched Priscilla for the first time! I love Sofia Coppola, and Priscilla was nothing short of an amazing film. I'm also wholeheartedly convinced that if social media was around when Elvis was famous (and alive), I'd probably have a fan account devoted to him.

Here's a list of films I hope to sit down and watch this summer before the insanity of next semester ensues...

Elvis: I've yet to watch this film simply because I think I'll need a day or two to process what I've watched. I have heard nothing but great things about Baz Lurhmann's film and I'm sure it'll surpass my expectations. The only thing about Elvis, is that Austin Butler's Elvis was severely outshined by Jacob Elordi's Elvis, and Elordi doesn't still have the "Elvis Accent" after filming. Either way, I'm sure I'll enjoy the cinematography, the music, and the glimpse into Elvis' life behind the glitz 'n glamour of his fame.

2. Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind: I will not be answering questions as to why I've never seen this indie "classic". The soundtrack of this film is remarkable, but I've never sat down the watch it. Many film reviews regard it as a rom-com, while others say it is simply a romance film. I really do not know what to expect.

3. The Notebook: I also will not be answering questions as to why I've never seen this movie. Honestly, I do not feel like profusely sobbing. I don't particularly choose sad films but I feel like this is one that everyone must see at least one time.

4. The Outsiders: I truly am ashamed to admit I've never seen some of these films, yet I quote them often(Stay Gold, Ponyboy). This classic 80s film is a must-watch, which of course, I have not. I also know the ending of this film is sad, which I am not particularly fond of.

5. Grease: I AM COMPLETELY AND UTTERLY HUMILIATED I'M ADMITTING TO NEVER SEEING THIS FILM. I've only seen the Glee version of Grease, and it's obvious that adaption is not as good as the original. I know almost every song on the soundtrack because they are fun to karaoke and my friends always listen to them. I will be watching Grease this summer so I can actually say I've seen it, not just say "Oh I love the soundtrack!"

[lazanskywrites]

my favorite indie songs

My favorite blog post we've been assigned so far this semester was to explain our favorite songs. I chose to rank my top five songs from the 2014 Tumblr Girl era because there are too many songs I like to compile into a top five list.

In this blog post, I want to compile my top five indie songs. I've always been a lover of indie and alternative since I've been able to stream my own music. Ever since I can remember I've listened to artists like Foster the People, MGMT, and The 1975. I'm not trying to seem "different" from everyone else, but I never was truly drawn to rap music growing up. I love the soft, abstract, and light sounds that make up the indie genre.

Here are my top five indie songs of all time...

#5 "Walking on a Dream" by Empire of the Sun

This is a classic indie anthem, especially in the summertime. "Walking on a Dream" is without a doubt their most popular song, but there are countless other indie classics from EOTS. This song reminds me specifically of my freshman year of high school. Football games, my first homecoming, and spending countless sleepless nights with friends (before we were all employed and busy).

#4 "Loving is Easy" by Rex Orange County

Like many other fans, this was the first song of Rex Orange County that I'd heard which made me a fan. The tune is so soft and catchy that there's quite literally no way to dislike it. Alex O'Connor's voice is distinguishable and perfect for indie ballads. "Loving is Easy" reminds me of 2018 when indie became the trend. Kanken backpacks, checkered Vans, scrunchies, and HydroFlasks were all the rave when this song was popularized. Other good Rex Orange Country songs are all from his older albums (in my opinion). During 2018 I was also listening to his songs "Apricot Princess", "Never Enough", and "Sunflower".

#3 "Young Folks" by Peter Bjorn and John

I LOVE this song. No indie fan could ever hate it because of its sheer catchiness paired with light and airy sounds. I remember listening to this song in the car with my friend who'd recently gotten her license. We were all sophomores during the 2021 "return to normality" post-Covid school year and it was easily the best school year. We went to campus every other day, so each day that the majority of us didn't have school we'd spend its entirety together having sleepovers almost every night. As soon as we all began to get our licenses we felt so grown up and invincible. This song pays tribute to my friends and me as we lived in naivety and bliss. I think any of us would pay hundreds of dollars if it meant we could go back to being sixteen-year-old girls.

#2 "ILYSB" by LANY

Each one of these songs has a specific time in my life it's associated with. This song holds the most prominent memories for me. My best friend and I used to spend hours together listening to indie hits and reading...this is embarrassing...fanfiction of our favorite celebrities together. What else is there to do when you're eleven-year-old middle schoolers with iPhones and laptops that have unrestricted Internet access? We would sit side by side and share the cute stories we'd found with each other. It must make sense now as to why I'm so good at navigating Tumblr; I've been using it since I was eleven. Unrelated to being typical tween girls, this song will definitely be on my wedding playlist. I just think it's cute not only to sing to a partner but also to a best friend.

#1 Flashed Junk Mind by Milky Chance

What else is there to say besides I ABSOLUTELY LOVE EVERY LITTLE THING ABOUT THIS SONG! No, the lyricism isn't as sentimental as "ILYSB" but this was one of my top listened-to songs throughout my teens. I saw one of my celebrity crushes at the time (2017 Finn Wolfhard in case you were curious...specifically 2017) post about how he liked it, and of course, I had to follow suit. I doubted how much I'd like this song though. It's the ideal summer anthem with a funky beat and easy-to-follow lyrics. There's nothing to dislike about "Flashed Junk Mind" or Milky Chance as a band. If you like this song and want something a little slower, check out their song "Stolen Dance".

I love everything about the indie scene. The music, the fashion, and the emotions connected to it. Indie as a genre can provoke feelings of joy, heartbreak, and passion. These songs, along with others, will definitely be the songs I play loudly on a Sunday afternoon until my kids beg me to turn them down. Spoiler, I'll only turn them up.

[lazanskywrites]

feature story outline

For my feature story, I'm choosing to write about the Rockford Park District's hockey division. Specifically, the employees who work for hockey teams and other programs. Many of the supervisors who oversee and even coach hockey teams for the RPD have played hockey in the area, both professionally and in their youth.

My boyfriend currently works for the Rockford Park District. He works at both of the local ice rinks and helps train teams, teaches children to skate, and teaches children the fundamentals of hockey. He always tells me funny stories about the kids, and constantly tells me work is so enjoyable it hardly feels mundane.

He doesn't work alone though, he works alongside friends who he's played hockey with for the majority of his life. They typically work together, sharing their knowledge and love for hockey with young athletes.

What stands out to me most, and will be the focus of my story, is the little hockey family that the Rockford Park District has created. Many of the employees who work at the rinks (through the RPD) have been coached by their supervisors in the past. I'm curious how their supervisors feel working alongside the men they used to coach as young boys. Additionally, I'll be interviewing them about their connectedness with each other and coworkers. I'll ask about the full-circle feeling of teaching boys to play hockey at the same place they were taught to play.

I think this story will be important to not only the Rockford Park District but the entire hockey community that has been built in the Rockford area. Some of these men have continued their hockey careers playing for organizations outside of Rockford, but they still choose to come home and work for the organization they started at.

The focus on community and family that the RPD has brought to people of all ages is heartwarming and sheds light on the good in the city of Rockford.

[lazanskywrites]

Glee Was Ahead of It's Time.

You either love or hate Glee there is absolutely zero in-between. It's like the "cilantro soap-tasting gene", you decide whether you like it or not in one try. In my opinion, Glee is a masterpiece and I am prepared to die on this hill. Here are my top five reasons why Glee is one of my favorite shows.

My controversial take though, Glee was only good until halfway through season five. With that being said, the first reason why Glee is my favorite show is because the original cast is iconic. The original Glee Club members slowly fizzle out of the show, having random cameos here and there. This is why, to me, the last seasons are hard to watch. No amount of new characters will top the original characters, they were funnier and had better acting.

The fourth reason Glee is my favorite show is because the comedy was ahead of its time. Countless skits in the show are similar to those in today's comedic world on TikTok or YouTube. But Glee is slowly losing popularity as other shows and movies are produced. The writing and comedic timing of these attached clips are another reason why I and plenty of others still watch Glee.

The third reason I love Glee is for their celebrity cameos. John Stamos, Neil Patrick Harris, Britney Spears, Ricky Martin, Olivia Newton-John, and Jennifer Coolidge, the list goes on and on. Every celebrity has an important role in the episode or the season they're featured in. For example, John Stamos' character was dating a teacher involved in the Glee Club. Ricky Martin was a Spanish teacher who taught the Glee Club about Latin music. And Olivia Newton-John was alongside Jane Lynch's character in a music video.

The amount of A-list celebrities the directors were able to feature in only six seasons is outstanding. It shows how popular this show became as more episodes were filmed.

Fourthly, Glee would be nothing without the music (literally). Were all the covers good? Absolutely not. But the good covers were good covers. Every character has a handful of songs that were praised in the Glee fandom, but Rachel, Mercedes, and Blaine had hit after hit. As much as I dislike both Rachel Berry and Lea Michelle, she can sing. Rachel's standout song for me was "Don't Rain On My Parade", it perfectly highlights her vocal talent and the attitude her character brings to the show.

Mercedes has just as powerful of a voice as Rachel and Mercedes does not hold back. Her character was hilarious and full of talent, but she often got overshadowed by her peers. There are songs her peers had performed I think she would've performed ten times better. This isn't a solo, but it's my favorite song of hers. The context of the song is hilarious and the music video is pure 2010s vibes.

Finally, Blaine Anderson. On TikTok, there is a joke being spread that any song Blaine has covered in Glee is better than the original. They call it the "Blaine Anderson effect". Similar to the "Kelly Clarkson effect" which is when Kelly Clarkson covers a song and outdoes the original artist. I listen to Blaine's covers like they're originals. I could go on and on about how many good covers he has in Glee. Today, Darren Criss still performs outstanding covers. My favorite Blaine cover has to be "Bills, Bills, Bills".

The fifth and final reason why I love Glee is none other than Jane Lynch. Without fail, she'll always be the funniest character in every episode. What I appreciate about her character is the soft side she tries to cover up with crass jokes towards students and colleagues. Realizing why she is protective and patient with Becky it makes you see her from a different perspective. I love Sue Sylvester so much that I dressed up as her for Halloween.

It takes a certain person to truly enjoy Glee so it's not surprising that I'm one of the only people out of all my friends who enjoy watching an episode or two every night.

You thought I was kidding about the Halloween costume?

[lazanskywrites]

anxiety is super weird...

Anxiety is super weird. I want to explore and learn, but at the same time, I fear those things.

It used to be paralyzing, I couldn't get up out of bed. The fear that something bad would happen to me, my family or my friends prevented me from moving. My own family blamed it on my lack of faithfulness to my religion, some blamed it on my phone usage, my diet, and myself.

If you want a peek inside my mind, I'll share some of the things I have thought.

What if I drive to work today and die in an accident?

Very normal thought, yes, but not when you obsess over it.

What if this migraine gives me a brain aneurysm?

I've had migraines since I was twelve, but what if this one kills me?

What if I drop dead?

That's it. What if that happens when I'm somewhere far from home, not with my family, or surrounded by strangers?

I often romanticize and plan my future, and it makes me happy. A nice life with a beautiful family, a good job, and overall satisfaction with myself. But the little devil on my shoulder reminds me that "tomorrow is not guaranteed." An inspirational phrase to some, but for me, it's daunting.

When my anxiety is at its worst I feel dizzy. I feel like my eyes are moving faster than my brain, I feel queasy, and I feel scared. Do I feel this way when I'm stressed out, or when I'm not stressed enough to ignore my catastrophic thoughts? I'm still working on determining that.

I see people online, my own friends even, living their lives the way I want to: without immense fear. Sure, I don't know what they're thinking but I know it cannot be the same as me. I'm filled with jealousy and guilt. I'm jealous of everyone who can go a day without the overwhelming fear that they could lose their life or be hurt. I'm guilty of jealousy, of the friendships and opportunities I've lost because of my anxiety, and for knowing that my mental well-being is in my hands.

Since the really bad few weeks when I was paralyzed with fear and anxiety, I've taken a mental note of all the things that I hyper-focus on and freak out over.

I hate being hot. I hate when clothes stick to me. I hate being uncomfortable.

I hate being cold. I hate shivering. I shiver when I'm anxious and when I'm cold. Not a fun mix.

I hate tight clothes. I hate like the stiffness. I hate the confinement.

I hate going far away. I hate going far away even with my parents. I refuse to go anywhere over an hour away by myself. Immediate no. I hate being away from the comfort of my home.

I hate mindscrew (that's the SFW term) shows and movies. I watched one with my sister and it scared me so bad I cried and had never disassociated worse. It still plays in the back of mind. I do not recommend, but if you're wondering it was Black Mirror: Playtest.

To some that is a long list of hatred. But for me, it's what works for me. I'm embarrassed by the way my mind works and the way I have to limit myself but I am so grateful to have such supportive people in my life.

My sister and boyfriend don't really get it but they don't need to. My friends are far away now but I still recognize their empathy and support. I'm grateful for the people I have and for the different person I've become in two years.

[lazanskywrites]

My two goals for today:

- Learn everything there is to know about everything that's ever existed.

- Make some coffee.

[lazanskywrites]

A Burst of Light, Audre Lorde

[lazanskywrites]

my work!

blog posts:

why am i going to college?

my favorite video on the internet.

when i grow up, i want to be brittany broski.

busy pretending it's 2014.

anxiety is super weird

glee was ahead of its time

my favorite indie songs

[lazanskywrites]

busy pretending it's 2014.

I've been reminiscing about early 2010s aesthetics. The Tumblr girl trend peaked when I was at the impressionable age of 11, and given (mostly) unrestrictive Internet access. To be fair, my parents had zero idea of the content I would find on Tumblr.

Tumblr girls romanticized the worst things possible: drugs, alcohol, mental illnesses, substance abuse, toxic relationships, and self-harm. 

As a middle schooler, I had no idea what to make of the dark side of the "Tumblr Girl". What I reminisce about is the fashion and music. I begged my mom for a pair of Vans, a skateboard (that I'd never use), and a jean jacket. Of course, I was immediately told no. 

What my parents couldn't deny me was access to YouTube! I had free rein on it (scary), falling down rabbit holes. Some were not appropriate for my younger self to be watching. (I blame Shane Dawson for everything wrong in my life) However, I pride myself on finding the "good music" before anyone else my age did. 

So now, this is my list of the top 5 songs popularized by the 2014 Tumblr girl trend: 

#5: "Sweater Weather" by The Neighbourhood. 

This song is fifth to me because I think it's been overplayed and overdone. I love The Neighbourhood's early music from albums Wiped Out! and I Love You. And, in my opinion, they have many better songs. This song is a crucial part of the Tumblr girl soundtrack, so I feel somewhat obligated to have this on my list. 

#4: "Tennis Court" by Lorde. 

In 2014, Lorde's fashion was nothing less than iconic. This song makes my list because not only was this her debut album, but some of her best songs are on it. Songs such as "Royals", "Ribs", "Buzzcut Season", and "Team" are featured. 

#3: "R U Mine?" by the Arctic Monkeys.

Arctic Monkeys were also crucial to the aesthetic in 2014. Their album AM had many other hit songs during this trend, and these songs are still popular amongst alternative indie fans today. I also spent $80 on a signed vinyl of this album in 2020 and it is still one of my most treasured items. 

#2: "Robbers" by The 1975. 

To this day I still listen to their entire discography, without a single skip. "Robbers" is still such an iconic song, and the vibe of the band at the time of this song's release describes the Tumblr girl vibe. Matty Healy was a Tumblr treasure in 2014. He was the Ryan Gosling of Tumblr (I'll let you form your own opinion).

#1: "Tumblr Girls" by G-Eazy and Christopher Anderson. 

I couldn't give any other song the number one slot, for obvious reasons this song reminds me of the 2014 Tumblr girl trend. Besides that, I love the way this song sounds. 

This post was a perfect way to reminisce about a trend I was too young to understand, but now old enough to enjoy. 

[lazanskywrites]

when i grow up, i want to be brittany broski.

I thought long and hard about this week's topic, having a hard time deciding between Hozier and Brittany Broski. Hozier's music and personality have impacted the amount in which I value life, but Brittany's online presence means so much more to me and the way I appreciate life.

Brittany became famous in 2020 for recording herself sampling kombucha for the first time. Within days, her comical facial expressions became a meme that spread across multiple social media platforms.

Fast forward to 2023 she hosts her own podcast, The Broski Report, which she discusses niche topics and gives her listeners life updates. I understand when people say her content isn't for everyone, and to be fair I don't know much about The Mandalorian or A Court of Thorns and Roses. However, her hilarious commentary on the topics appeals to those who might not be all that interested in them.

I began enjoying Brittany's content in early 2021 when she collaborated with creators I was a fan of--Cody Ko, Orville Peck, Trixie Mattel, and Katya Zamolodchikova to name a few.

Brittany has influenced me greater than other online personalities because of the way she sees beauty and value in every little thing.

On her podcast, she often tells stories about the importance and privilege of learning. Brittany loves to discuss famous events in American history and especially enjoys dissecting Latin American history. She has a clear appreciation for Latin culture: the countries, food, music, literature, film, and Latin icons.

Like myself, Brittany has a devout love for Hozier. Not only for his music and charming personality but for his advocacy and political involvement as a straight, white, Irish man. She dives deep into his discography in her podcast episode titled "Hozier and Mortality". Highlighting the importance of his involvement, she expresses that he is a voice for the voiceless. Further, Hozier writes songs for the purpose of solidarity and awareness, creating important songs used as rally cries for the queer community (Take Me To Church) and for the Black community (Nina Cried Power!).

I believe Brittany will be a turning point in journalism. Already this year she's interviewed stars like Pedro Pascal, Glen Powell, and Kieran Culkin. On her podcast and while being interviewed, she said that she strives to create a unique atmosphere between her and the personalities she interacts with. Brittany expressed distaste for bland and repetitive interviews, stating she'll try her hardest to research enough about the interviewee to produce meaningful discourse.

Brittany Broski has had an influence on me in more than one way. She is one of the most hilarious, educated, and appreciative online personalities that have been given a platform.

[lazanskywrites]

The reason I think this video is the funniest clip on the Internet is simply because I miss Vine.

Not only is the video short and sweet per Vine’s six-second maximum upload rule but also because you can understand everything the man’s daughter was trying to say. Vine was, and will continue to be an important part of Millennial and Gen Z pop culture. Vine shaped the form of comedy we enjoy, proving such a small time constraint can still produce original humorous content. 

I laugh every time at this clip because a simple video posted over nine years ago is something my friends and I talk about regularly. 

[lazanskywrites]

why the heck am i going to college?

When I considered where I saw myself after high school, I knew I wanted to attend a university; I loved the idea of dorm life, walking everywhere, beautiful campuses, and the pride that comes with attending a university. I vividly remember in my Sophomore year watching YouTube videos of dorm rooms and campus tours of all my favorite universities, instead of doing my homework.

Up until the end of my Junior year of high school, I was dead-set on attending a large university. Then I faced a series of intense mental health problems, and they completely altered my view on college as a whole. Suddenly, I feared the thought of a large campus with thousands of students and I feared the thought of being miles away from my home which was (and still continues to be) my safe space.

After working through my anxiety for months, I decided that I still wasn't where I wanted to be mentally. Staying home to attend RVC was one of the best decisions I've made for myself, my mental health, and my education. I was an AP kid in high school and knew that RVC would accept all my credits; I had 32 credits before I began my first semester--which I wouldn't have had at many other colleges. If I forced myself to pack up and leave for college rather than stay home, I can say with 100% certainty I would've hated every minute of it and wanted to come home all the time. To me, that would be a waste of money and a waste of my time.

After RVC, I want to attend UW-Madison to get a bachelor's in Journalism and Mass. Comm. I have always loved Madison and often go up to see my friends, go to hockey games, and spend nights out with them. They have one of the best Journalism programs, which makes my desire to attend even deeper. After college, my dream position would be a sports journalist (preferably for a hockey team), or a journalist for a magazine.

I am going to college to be able to pursue the career I want, create new memories and friends, find other passions, and overcome some of the anxiety I still face.